A/N This is my first stab at a fanfic so any constructive criticism is welcome! I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer - I own none of this!
A crack of lightning lit up the dark room as Hermione stared at the ceiling. Sleep wasn't something she got much of these days.
Ever since she'd gotten back to the Burrow from the final battle she'd been waiting for things to go back to normal. It had been six months now and she wasn't sure if it was ever going to.
It seems like all it does is rain anymore she thought idly turning her gaze out the window in time to see more lightning streaking across the sky. At least the weather seemed to match her mood.
Deciding that sleep wasn't in the cards for her tonight she grabbed her wand and slipped out of Ginny's room making sure not to wake her and quietly shutting the door behind her before softly walking down stairs in her bare feet and soft cotton nightgown.
Arriving in the kitchen she turned on the dim lights and with a small muttered spell she set the kettle to work heating water for tea. After sitting down at the table for a moment she leans forward putting her head in her hands.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she suddenly sat up. Her heart was racing and she fumbled for her wand while jumping up from her seat and squinting all around her. She saw movement to her left and was just about to release a hex when a flash of red hair stopped her short. A tired looking Ron shuffled towards her from the dark living room, heading towards the stove.
"How long has this been on?" he asked, gesturing towards the kettle. Hermione shifted her gaze to the old battered piece and realized it must have been quite a while ago judging by the amount of steam pouring out.
"I don't know honestly, its been a long night" she said quietly, knowing he knew what she meant. No one in this house had slept truly well in a long time, especially Ron, Harry, and herself.
"Did you sleep on the couch again?" She asked, watching his face closely.
"Yeah, I can't seem to stop thinking someone needs to be looking out. I know we're not on the run anymore but we both know that not everyone that was with You-Know-Who was caught or punished even if they were caught. I can't lose anyone else..." he trailed off, looking towards the stairway.
Hermione just nodded silently. She knew all too well the feeling. She stepped closer to him, wrapping one arm around his waist and laying her head on his shoulder. After a moment she gave him a gentle squeeze and led him to a chair at the table. She then turned her attention to the task of making tea properly this time.
Once that was done she sat down opposite Ron, looking him over. He was skinny. Pale. Tired. He looked older than their 18 years. She guessed if she bothered to find a mirror that she wouldn't be much different. With a heavy sigh she started to try put her hair up. All the rain and summer heat were making it hard to tame lately.
The kettle started to steam and with a quick flick of her wand she filled two cups and floated one to each of them. Even with it being hot her fingers were cold and she relished the heat of the cup in her hands as she stared into the dark liquid.
"Reading tea leaves, eh? I thought you hated divination." Ron joked lightly after a few minutes of silence. She started at the sound and looked up at him confused for a moment.
"What? No, I was just..." she started but he interrupted her with a soft look in his eyes.
"What are we doing Hermione?" he asked.
"Drinking tea?" she answered bluntly, not knowing what he meant.
"No, I mean us. Look at us. We're a mess. It's 3 in the morning, we haven't slept in months, years if we're being honest, you look like you haven't eaten in days and you can't focus on anything. What are we doing?"
She stared at him dumbly for a moment, somewhat shocked to hear her thoughts about him mirrored back to her. She composed herself after a moment and answered back simply,
"Surviving."
He sighed heavily and looked down at his own drink, half empty now.
"I don't want to just survive anymore Hermione, I want to live again." He looked at her with hope in his eyes, but it was marred by an overwhelming sadness that lingered there.
She caught his look and quickly cast her eyes back down to the table. She wasn't ready for this, she didn't want to think about it right now. How could she move on when so many of her friends and loved ones were gone?
Ron, sensing her hesitation reached across the table and wrapped his hands around hers that were still gripping her cup as if it was the only thing holding her to the earth.
"Why don't we go back for our last year? I know the term starts soon and it would be last minute but I'm sure McGonagall would let us come back."
Hermione just shook her head, maybe a little too violently. Even if it was repaired, she couldn't go back, not to where it all happened.
"Okay, okay, not Hogwarts. How about we look into that healer program Madame Pomfry recommended to you? It's in London which isn't too far from here. We could stay here, or get a flat..."
He stopped as she shook her head once again, never looking up from the table.
"Well what about the ministry? Dad could set you up an interview, even without finishing school they'd love to have you. With the the Department of Magical Creatures? I know made fun of you for S.P.E.W. but you had some brilliant ideas back then that I'm sure you could use now."
She finally looked up at him, tears in her eyes as she understood that he was desperately trying to get through to her. She released the grip on her cup to hold his hands in hers and pat them. She smiled sadly as she shook her head once more.
"I wish any of those sounded even remotely appealing. A few years ago I would have leapt at the opportunity. Everything has changed now and I don't know what to do, I'm sure I'll find something though". She tried to look hopeful but she could tell by the concerned look on Ron's face that it wasn't working. Her smile faded and she slumped a bit, surprisingly tired from the small effort of it.
If she was being honest with herself, it bothered her deeply that none of her passions called to her anymore. Studies brought memories of Hogwarts soon followed by those that were lost. Healing only caused flashbacks to the chaos after the battle, to loved ones faces as they learned of their lost friends and family. To all the blood and gore that will forever be imprinted on her brain. The ministry would be forever tainted for her, how easily was it infiltrated? How quick did they turn on Harry? How much of the war could have been avoided had they listened sooner? No, none of these were paths she could take any longer.
This left her with an overwhelming sense confusion about what the future would be, and it terrified her. It paralyzed her. The wizarding world was being rebuilt and she didn't know her place in it. She couldn't even bring herself to say any of this to him though she had a feeling he understood.
Ron watched her think for a moment. Waiting to see if she'd come up with something else. After a few minutes of silence he squeezed her hand to pull her out of her own head again. He smiled warmly at her.
"I got my acceptance letter for the Auror training program yesterday. Harry got his last week. It starts in two weeks," he paused a moment to gauge her response. She just nodded, knowing what was coming next.
"This is what I've always wanted to do. Will you be okay if we go?", he asked.
"Of course I will, you boys will be fantastic Aurors." She smiled a true smile this time watching how his face lit up talking about the program. Even if she wouldn't be okay, how could she say no to his dreams?
"We're going this weekend to look at flats, you are welcome to join us if you'd like. "
"I'd love to but I've promised Ginny to help her with something. You guys go ahead."
She stood up, pouring her untouched tea down the drain. With a small wave she started for the stairs.
"I'm going to go back to sleep, you should too", She said over her shoulder at him.
He mumbled something that she didn't quite catch but exhaustion had quickly overcome her as she dragged herself up the worn steps. She collapsed on Ginny's bed as the first few rays of light touched the sky.