Dimitri

January...

"Take care of yourself, Dimitri."

As loud as the words resonated in my head they may as well have been playing through my earphones. I stopped, mid jog, bending at the waist to catch my breath and stretch. Endorphins pumping through my veins, running was the one time of day when my mind was at ease. The exercise diverted my thoughts, the adrenaline of running, the loss of breath, and the pump and burn of my legs felt great keeping me happily distracted. Unfortunately, as of late, my method wasn't working. I couldn't shut my brain down the way I used to. More specifically, I couldn't stop thinking about Rose and her parting words.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Dimitri?" I muttered to myself. That was the million dollar question. I knew the answer: everything. Everything is wrong with me. I know how to fix it too and it isn't by running. I just can't bring myself to do it.

I push myself to run on the way back home, hoping if I move fast enough I can leave all of my problems behind on the beach. I doubt it'll work but it's worth a shot, no matter how insane it sounds. I didn't realize how far I had jogged from until I see that nearly two and a half hours have passed since I started for home. Was I that lost in my thoughts to not have noticed? How long were the aftereffects of Rose's words going to linger? A part of me didn't mind that her words were echoing around in my head but a bigger part of me wanted to forget it all: what she said, the night we spent together, the confusing morning after. It wasn't healthy, how conflicting I felt about all this and the fact that I was trying to subdue it all. I did a psych rotation during med school. I know that suppression of unpleasant or difficult memories isn't healthy. I can't help it. It's become a habit that I am well skilled in. I should have sat down and taken the sudden free time I had to figure out a way to fix it, to repair everything. What did I do instead? What I do best: kept myself busy so I could I avoid it all.

It had been nearly a full week since that morning that went from pleasantly comfortable to coolly distant. I couldn't shake thoughts of Rose or what she said, as insignificant as it may have been. It occurred to me that I could be reading too much into the situation but I didn't think that was the case here. There was something...different, something about the time we'd spent together that I couldn't shake off no matter how hard I tried so I didn't give myself much time to contemplate.

It took some time but I slowly got myself back into the routine of things. Jogging in the morning - and at night if I couldn't sleep a - along the familiar rock path that outlined my house and the cliffs around it. I went to work around the house, cleaning, laundry, unpacking and removing the protective covers from the little bit of furniture I had stored away. I stood back and surveyed the house in its entirety. The place didn't look any more lived in than it had while I had been away but it was mine, my refuge. I kept myself on the go, dodging calls, except for Ivan's persistent daily check-in's and Tasha's occasional reprimands as to why I haven't contacted my family. I said I would. I didn't make any promises as to when. I'd think about that later which, in my case, meant never.

I even dragged myself into town to restart my mail, went to the mechanic to have my car looked over, did a little grocery shopping - food and alcohol to keep me sated and alive - and replacing clothes that had been ruined during my time abroad. I even stopped being a recluse long enough to hangout with Ivan's brother Jesse when he helped me move some furniture for a little extra cash when I couldn't get a hold of Ivan. I occupied myself with whatever small activity I could think of. As soon as I finished up the last of the paperwork officiating my request for time off from assignment abroad, it hit me that I didn't know what it was exactly that I wanted to do with so much time to burn. Luckily, I had Ivan to solve that little problem. He let me get away with the excuse that I needed time to settle in until the eighth day of my self-imposed exile. Which happened to be today.

"We are going out tonight," he greeted as I slowed to a walk up the back steps to my house. He was leaning against the banister, arms crossed over his crisp dress shirt, his tow-colored hair blowing gently in the breeze. He looked every bit the stoic model he claimed he would have been if his parent's hadn't threatened to disown him. Looking at him now after nearly two years, face-to-face, I realized I sort of almost missed him. I couldn't tell him that though. His egocentric arrogance would never let me live it down.

"Oh, are we?"

The only plan I had was drinking myself into complete oblivion. None of the fun drunkenness Ivan probably had in mind. I wanted my usual nightly dose of alcohol, enough to either knock me out cold or just stop the flurry of activity in my head. Healthy? No. Not even close. But a temporary sedative to all of my problems? Yes.

"Yes we are," he replied, camera ready smile still in place. "I've been a good sport. I've been patient," he continued. "I gave you your space-"

"You called me everyday," I pointed out, stepping around him so I could make my way into the house towards the kitchen where a cool bottle of water was calling my name. I untangled my earphones from around my neck and set my phone on the counter where there were two missed calls from him that I had somehow missed.

"Like I always do," he confirmed.

"And we Skyped when you couldn't find an outfit to wear on your date the other night," I reminded him.

"They were models!" he exclaimed sitting at the counter.

"'They'?" I laughed, though I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Swedish models," he stressed as I chugged my water. "I had to dress to impress."

"I'm going to try and forget you said that."

"I will erase that phrase from my vocabulary if you come out with me tonight," he pressed.

"You're either oblivious to the disinterest on my face or you're choosing to ignore it," I mumbled.

"The latter," he admitted with a shrug. "I have to ignore it! I can feel the strength of our friendship dwindling away as we speak," he exaggerated.

I snorted. Everything was either life or death to Ivan.

"I haven't been able to get rid of you for the last thirty-one years," I reminded him. "Our friendship clearly isn't going to fade the easily."

"It's been two years since our last brangout!"

"A what?" I asked, fearing it was some kind of sex thing.

"Bro-hangout," he explains as though his made up word should have been obvious.

"It's a new trend I'm starting."

"I'm encouraging you not to," I plead. "And I'm a little worn out from my run. Maybe we can brangout...hangout," I corrected myself, already hating that the word escaped from my mouth.

"You sound like an old man. We used to go out every night!"

"Dare I say we're getting older," I taunted choosing to ignore that he used 'brangout' again. I fought laughter at the reaction on Ivan's face. He looked absolutely horrified at the possibility of aging. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as though he couldn't bring himself to look at me right then.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. I'll forget it completely if you buy the first round of drinks tonight."

"And what if I were to tell you that I don't feel like going out tonight?"

Or any night. Anytime soon. Again, Ivan's expression mirrored one of horror at the thought of someone—especially his partner in crime involving all acts of debauchery—choosing not to drink on a Friday night.

"I'd say that's the second time in less than a minute that you've threatened the basis of our friendship and that I might have to call my brother in as a temporary replacement best friend while you think about how you've offended our friendship."

"You've been threatening to replace me with Jesse since Kindergarten when he was just starting preschool," I pointed out amused as I settled myself on a stool. "I think my status as best friend is secure enough for me to turn you down."

"You've been turning me down a lot lately. Is there someone else?" Ivan asked.

At this, I had to laugh outright despite the funky mood I'd spent most of the week in. Our friendship over the years was often compared to that of a married couple's. Jesse especially got a kick out of bringing up that fact that their "relationship" resembled that of a disgruntled elderly couple's. I knew on some level that there was some truth to the comparison but I'd never concede to it out loud. It was conversations like this where I could see it for myself.

"Yes, Ivan, I've been hanging out with other guys behind your back."

I was joking but Ivan continued on anyway, throwing his hands up dramatically and everything.

"You've been hanging out with Jesse without me haven't you? He told me you two went to Costco a couple of days ago but I didn't believe him. I see how it is," he finished, shooting squinty-eyed daggers at me.

"My car was in the shop, his truck was big enough to hold the new bookshelf I bought and I needed help carrying it," I explained, feeling much like I was trying to placate an angry, jealous wife. I leaned back, closing my eyes, ready to drift off for a quick nap. "Besides, I only called him because you didn't answer your phone."

"The one time I don't answer. Excuses," Ivan muttered, seemingly unsatisfied with the explanation. "None of that explains why he stayed to have beer and watch the game."

"I invited him to. We were bonding without you," I sighed, resigning myself to humoring Ivan. "The truth is out now. I let him come between us. He has a bigger TV that he loaned me until I can buy one and he cooks. He tempted me into straying from you."

"What does he have that I don't?"

"Other than the truck, the TV, the cooking, and that he can read social cues? For example, I am sitting here with my eyes closed, obviously exhausted and you're still trying to get me to go out to some bar tonight."

Ivan exhaled and for a moment, I thought I'd get away with not going out tonight. "Alright fine. You're tired. But it's you're own fault. We can go to dinner first and then a bar." I barely repressed the urge to roll my eyes. I should have known better.

"If you can make time for Jesse, you can make time for me," he reasoned.

"That was obviously different," I argued. He gave up on having a quick nap with Ivan sitting there. "I needed his help. You just want to go out and have me as your wing-man."

"True," he admitted. "But I also know that if I don't get you out of this house, you'll hide out for as long as humanly possible with minimal contact with the outside world, a nice case of beer as your only companion."

I leaned back against my seat wondering how out of sorts I must seem lately to make Ivan worry so much. He's more observant than I give him credit for.

"That surprised look on your face is kind of insulting," he says in a tone a lot softer than the one he came in with. "Do you really think I don't pay attention?"

"Well since you're paying attention, you should understand why I don't feel like going out tonight."

Ivan shook his head. "I understand completely but no. I'm not letting you get away with this. You always get yourself into trouble when you're like this. And by trouble I mean women."

Here we go again, Dimitri thought. This time he wasn't as successful at suppressing his eye-roll.

"See what I did there?" Ivan chuckled at himself. "Into trouble? Into women?" He continued to laugh at his own wit until I interrupted.

"Do you know why I choose to either stay alone or looking for random women? To avoid conversations like this."

"So is that what you're going to do tonight? You're going to stay home, pour yourself some Vodka, maybe even drink straight from the bottle, and maybe call some random hookup?"

I actually hadn't thought about that. Women and sex hadn't been anywhere on my radar with the exception of Rose and I was sure I was never going to see her again. Honestly, I just wanted to be alone but Ivan's guess about how I planned on spending my night - and the rest of my life if I could - wasn't that far off when it came to the drinking part. Again, I know, not healthy. I manage my drinking better than my father ever had. It never got out of hand. Ivan had nothing to worry about.

"That's the plan," I finally answered.

He pushed himself up from his stool and started inching at snail's pace out of the kitchen.

"Okay fine. I'm obviously not going to deter you from your plans. I'll just go by myself to some seedy bar. Alone."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Ivan ignored that.

"Guess I'll just go then," he said louder, barely having backed himself past the kitchen entrance. "By my lonesome."

"I'm sure you'll call," I shouted back, unworried. He wasn't going anywhere until I went with him. There was no way I was winning this fight but why pass up an opportunity to mess with him.

"You're gonna miss me."

"Two years abroad without you, Ivan. I think I'll survive."

He stopped walking completely, arms crossed, face scrunched into a frown.

"Are you trying to tell me you didn't miss this face?" He gestured to his face, smiling so big that his cheeks squished his baby blues shut. "I don't buy it."

"It's hard to miss someone you talk to everyday."

"Deny it all you want, but you missed me."

Maybe. A bit. He can't know. If his ego is this big now, I can only imagine how inflated it would become with such an admission.

"And since you missed me," he continues though I didn't say anything. He's always been able to carry a conversation on his own. "And you owe me quality time, we can kill two birds with one stone and have ourselves a good old fashion brangout!"

"Just like in the old days."

"When have we ever used the word 'brangout' and why are you using it so much now?"

"Fine. I'll agree to rethink my new slang on two conditions: dress your best for success to impress and agree to spend some one on one bro time. And as a bonus, we can maybe go do some karaoke."

"Why does that sound more like a threat," I groaned, rolling my eyes even as I started heading toward my room to shower and change. He wasn't letting me out this. "Alright, Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming and I'll go."

"Never doubted you wouldn't," he grinned smugly.

"Is there any point in me telling you I don't want to?" I called back.

"Nope," he answered as he settled himself on the couch in the living room, cell phone in hand.

Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed. Ivan was right where I left him, pecking away at the screen on his phone.

"I invited Tash, since she wanted to see you too but she's having dinner with her family or something and said she'd catch up with us some other time." Thank goodness. I didn't think I could handle an interrogation/reprimand from both of them. Not at the same time. There was only so much I could say without having go too deep into things. "But Jess is hanging out with his frat downtown at some bar where the beers are cold and the women are easy. He might meet up with us," he explained as we headed out the door and climbed into my car. Jesse was no problem. The guy hardly spoke and when he did he kept it short, simple, and on neutral topics like sports and the weather. It was beautiful.

"What happened to our one on one quality time?" I asked amused as I pulled out onto the road. "I thought the whole point of tonight was to get me away from the temptation of my vices."

"Doesn't mean we can't appreciate whatever eye candy we come across at the bar."

"A bar with an abundance of women that are supposedly 'easy' and you're only going to look?" I laughed in disbelief.

He hesitated for only second to think it over. Chasing after women was basically a hobby for him. Even if his sole intentions tonight were to get me out and about. "Yes," Ivan answered slowly as though it was painful.

"We can always go our separate ways if you meet someone, Ivan," I pointed out, completely okay if this hangout came to an end early. I just wasn't feeling in the mood. Especially considering what happened the last time I went to a bar.

"Nope. Tonight is a guy's night out. I will look but won't touch. Bros over hoes. Dicks before chicks," he exclaimed excitedly. "It'll be fun. And you kind of owe me."

"How do you figure?"

"You decided to suddenly leave the country for two years and didn't tell me until you were already on the plane," he replied instantly. There wasn't any malice in his tone but for that split second, he wasn't his jovial self. I couldn't blame him really. My decision to leave had been unexpected, selfish, and didn't include Ivan in anyway. I should have apologized. It was the perfect time to. The words just wouldn't come. "Consider this night as the start of your atonement for not only leaving but also for avoiding all of us for so long when you came back."

"I've only been back about a week."

"A week where you didn't call anyone, not once."

"I answered your calls-"

"Because I called you, D. Tasha too. It would have been nice if you reached out first."

I couldn't argue against that. Avoidance was my number one priority this entire week...and most of my life. But Ivan knew me just as well as I know him which is how I know he wasn't going to let me get away with evading my problems for so long. Or even lying about it. I had kind of been hoping to have a beer in my hand before we talked about all this - why I suddenly left for two years abroad, my family, why I suddenly came back and took a leave of absence - but it looks like he isn't giving me any more chances to escape talking about this. I always thought it was some sort of unspoken guy code that guys don't talk about their feelings but I was friends with the one guy in the world who liked to talk about what was going on our lives other than sports and women. Lucky me.

"Really? Nothing to say? Not even an apology?" he asked when I still hadn't spoken. "None of that b.s. about needing time to assimilate, needing space? You ran out of excuses?" he pressed, the irritation clear in his tone. Ivan was always a lighthearted guy, open and honest about everything. It wasn't asking too much that he expected the same from me. I just didn't know what to say. Apologies aren't my forte.

"Let me get a few drinks into my system before we get into this," I tried to negotiate.

"So that you can stall for time and think of more excuses?"

"Yes," I admitted.

He exhaled a laugh through his nostrils, shaking his head as he turned away toward the window.

"Look, tonight you wanted to catch up and fill me in on everything going on but nothing about..." I trailed off. It was clear what I was talking about it.

"You can't even say it? Your family?"

I pulled the car into the lot of the bar we were headed to and turned off the engine. "It's been a long two years, I'm still tired and jet lagged and I'm trying to get all of my stuff in order before I try and deal with them. Is that okay with you?"

I didn't mean to snap but it was already out there. If he was surprised or offended by my sudden change in tone he didn't show it. He watched me expressionlessly as I climbed out of the truck and headed toward the entrance. Whether Ivan decided to continue this brangout or not, I was going to need a drink or five.

We walked into what I initially thought was a hole-in-the-wall in one of the seedier parts of town, a lot bigger inside that it looked on the outside. I spotted Jesse's honey blonde hair already seated at the bar with two glasses of beer in front of him, one of them empty. He was leaning over the counter talking to one of the two bartenders tending to the crowd that was a mix of rowdy college kids, the occasional biker, a few regulars, a few women that looked like hookers in one corner, and an older crowd of middle aged folks - a mix of lonely souls looking to get laid, drunk or both - that appeared as though this was their home away from home. I left the shelter of my home for this?

Ivan appeared beside me in the doorway before we went in.

"Alright, no family talk tonight," he conceded. "For now."

"Good."

"Let's talk women then and by that I mean whoever the lucky lady was that offered you a welcome back party in the sheets."

Definitely not. That was a whole other situation I didn't want to dwell on either. My face must have said it all because Ivan didn't press the issue.

"Fine. We'll put that in the 'We'll Talk About It Later' column too."

"Agreed," I said, hoping later could be pushed all the way to never.

"We'll just have a good time tonight."

I nodded gruffly as we went inside, already regretting having come here but resolved to catch up with my friends. We sat down at the bar with Jesse and I, admittedly, had a pretty okay time. Ivan and Jess were the among very few people in the world who could make me laugh and they did and it felt pretty good. There was a huge elephant in the room that we were dancing around, my being gone for so long, but none of us brought it up or talked about it. Jesse regaled us with stories of what it was like being in a fraternity and his last year of college while Ivan filled me in on his sex life and how he was still spending his free time putting off practicing law the way his parents wanted him to. Everything was basically the same as when I left. The only difference seemed to be me. It wasn't anything obvious or physically different about me except for the fact that I grew my hair out and didn't use a shaver as often as I used to. I just felt different, out of place in a area I once thought could be home.

Ivan and Jesse were both on their third round of beers, contemplating a fourth, when a group of Jesse's college friends came over to join us. They were loud, rowdy, and having fun the way people should when their out for a night on the town. I just wasn't feeling it. I had cooled down considerably since first walking in here but I'd had enough. I was never the type to enjoy bar hopping, only going along with Ivan because he did his best to ensure I wasn't living my life as a recluse. I always felt like I had too much on my mind to truly let loose so it was best if I spent my time alone.

"I think I'm going to head out," I told Ivan, just as everyone was starting to make plans to go to some nightclub. Before he could protest, Jesse, thankfully stepped in.

"He's done his time for the night, bro. Let him go." I knew I liked this kid.

Ivan's face scrunched up. He hated when it was two against one. I worried he was going to fight me on this but two of the scantily clad sorority girls called out to him from where they were headed towards a waiting Lyft, asking if he was coming along.

"Yes he is," I answered for him. I clapped him on the back, shoving him their way. "Consider bro night a success. You got me out of the house. Baby steps."

"Fine," he conceded. "Next time, you're staying the entire night out with us. I'm talking from sun down to sun up!"

"Deal," I agreed. Not only because I definitely owed him more than that and he was letting me off easy, but also because he was already a little buzzed and most likely wouldn't remember any of this conversation tomorrow.

They went their way while I went another. I strolled past my car and out on the street, mixing with the sidewalk traffic that was headed every which-way, mostly towards the restaurants and bars while families idled along through the outdoors mall a ways down. I was still adjusting to having so much time to myself, not rushing from one rural village to another, running through bustling metropolises to the countryside delivering medications and treatments to those who couldn't reach it; it was odd watching so much life and liveliness after having spent the better part of two years watching men, women, and children fall ill and die from lack resources that was so easily accessible here. It wasn't all illness, exhaustion, and death. There were more days than not that I spent getting to know the villages I drifted in and out of and the world around them, including the people. It was some of the most difficult work I'd ever done, it had its high and low points, but it was time I had needed to myself, a reprieve from the problems around me. In a sense, it was good to be back with only myself to focus on but it was also disconcerting. After two years of avoiding my problems and distracting myself, what do I do now?

Despite having declined the invitation to socialize with other people, spending the night on my own didn't sound as fulfilling as I thought it would now that I was solo. Sitting or dancing in a loud club surrounded by strangers or with Ivan and Jesse - who knew my problems and that I was avoiding them - wasn't appealing. Going home alone was a stark contrast to the last time I left a bar. I hadn't wanted to be alone then. In a rare deviation from my usual preference of solitude, I had craved company, a night spent distracted by a beautiful woman who came across as lonely and lost as I felt at times. It was a comforting reminder that I wasn't the only lost soul in the world. Losing myself in someone else whose life was straying off course was a short lived remedy, a temporary salve on my aching internal wounds, that I suddenly longed for.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. A picture from Ivan appeared on the screen with he, Jesse, and some of the fraternity brothers I met, covered in confetti and scarcely dressed women. I'm glad some people knew how to enjoy life and have a good time. The clock on the top of my screen read that at least an hour had passed since I'd started walking. I looked up and around, noticing I had drifted away from the nightlife part of town and was surrounded by lesser up-kept buildings, stores that were closed for the night and one solitary church. I hadn't attended church since I was kid, never having believed much in higher beings and deities. The soft glow of light spilling from out the church doors drew me in. It wasn't a very large church with only a handful of pews nestled on each side of the nave, the pulpit aligned with and illuminated by small candles. There was a couple praying quietly at the end of the first pew and three separate individuals spread out among the rows. I felt like I was intruding on the private prayers and silent reflection these petitioners were seeking but I also wasn't quite ready to leave just yet. I backed down the center aisle, contemplating just taking a minute to settle into the last row, when I saw her.

In a city as large as this one, what are the odds? Factor in that I had spent the majority of my walk here thinking about her. The likelihood of running into her here is astonishing. I almost don't believe it. The couple of beers I had must have been stronger than I thought.

I leaned forward, stepping a little closer. The church's lackluster lighting notwithstanding, I saw that it was definitely the same raven-haired beauty. She sat slumped forward, her shoulders hunched, fiddling with something small in her hands. She was the picture of someone that to all appearances wouldn't want to be approached. Regardless, I couldn't force myself to leave.

I sat at the end of the row behind her. Sitting inside the solemn church - where the only sound came from the flicker of the candles and the silent murmurs of the other patrons - brought back all the memories of being herded to services with my family every chance we could. The church back home was twice as large as this one, even though we lived in a small town, and always filled to the brim with people, day and night any day of the week. Services were always too long and tedious for me to enjoy or even listen to. My grandmother would say church was a safe haven from the bad in the world, a quiet respite for reflection, but it never felt that way. It was never quiet and certainly never safe. Especially when my father, some of the bad in the world, was allowed in there.

This house of worship was far from grandiose but it was tranquil. This was the type of place one could find comfort in if they were looking for it. Rose seemed to be. She lifted her hands to her face once and then again, swiping at her cheeks two more times before it occurred to me that she was crying. The straight forward woman I first came across at the bar was subdued and dispirited. I may have only known Rose for a night and some change but I saw a few sides of her personality that night - hardened, abashed, flirtatious, witty; Rose with silent tears streaming down her flushed cheeks just didn't seem fitting.

I should have left. It wasn't my place to disturb whatever she was looking for nor to witness her open emotions. I knew everything there was to know about seeking shelter from your problems, wanting to shield oneself and hide. That seemed to be what Rose was doing, sitting in a small church alone and crying. I should have left her to it.

I couldn't.

I leaned forward in my pew, scooting to the edge of the creaky wooden bench. I had a couple of napkins from the bar in my pocket. I dug them out and held them out. Having seen me in her peripheral, she jumped slightly, her head whipping around to face me. I was right. She had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and her nose red. She sniffled and swiped at her face with her sleeve. Her swollen gaze widened as she recognized me, her lips silently muttering what I think was my name. Those glimmering ebony eyes shifted from surprised to confused as they darted from me to the napkins I was offering. After another quiet minute passed she took them, murmuring her thanks as she turned away from me, facing forward as she dabbed at her face.

"What are you..."

"Doing here?" I guessed. That was a good question. "I have no idea," I honestly admitted. "I was sort of just wandering and ended up here."

Her eyes squinted as disbelief colored her voice. "Close to a million people in this city and you just so happen to wander into the same church that I just so happen to be in?"

"Sounds crazy when you say it like that."

She gaze a soft snort, rolling her eyes. "Yeah it does. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't ended up here the same way."

I leaned my forearms against the pews in front of me, making it easier for us to talk and keeping our voices low. "Oh yeah? You wander the city late at night and sit in random churches too? Finally, someone I can relate to."

That earned me a soft but sad smile. She balled the napkins up in her hands, along with whatever she'd been holding before. She sagged against the back of the pew, resting her head on her propped up arm. She wore tiredness the same way she wore the smudge makeup on her face, her naturally tanned face drained of color save for the flush of her cheeks and swell of her small bulb shaped nose and eyes. Her long hair was messily tied back exposing her soft cheekbones, the scratch on her round face fading, barely visible. Still, she was a beauty.

"I didn't really figure you as the church going type," she murmured. She closed her eyes as she spoke as though she just needed a moment to rest.

"I could say the same about you."

She gave a soft laugh. "I was looking for a Denny's and got lost."

It was my turn to laugh, careful no to disrupt those who weren't making small talk with one-night stands they never thought they'd see again. She opened her eyes, seemingly as surprised by my amusement as I was.

"Couldn't find Denny's so you settled for prayer?"

Her rouge lips spread into a greater smile than before. "Clearly." She pushed a few loose strands from her face, her stare slowly roaming around the dilapidated church around us. It wasn't much but it was nice in its own way, appreciated for the comfort it offered. I could see myself finding contentment here if I was willing.

"I used to go all the time with my family," I admitted suddenly.

Her eyes focused back on me. "To Denny's?"

"To church," I answered, fighting a smile.

"Me too," she said so softly I almost didn't catch it. There was a wistfulness to her tone. Was that something else we had in common? Pessimistic opinions and not so fond memories regarding church? "Did you go willingly or did your parents make you?"

"Does any kid go to church willingly?"

"Good point."

"My mother was the most frequent enforcer."

"Lemme guess: single mother, worked hard to support the family on her own? Relied on the church to guide you in the right direction when she was unable to because you didn't have a stable father figure in your life?"

My brows rose, impressed.

"You're actually pretty spot on."

She sighed, and spoke dryly. "Yeah, well one product of a single mother and deadbeat dad can spot another a mile away."

So I was right. Her personal family life sounded about as stable as my own. If the morning after our night together hadn't soured so fast, would we have been as open with one another as we were now? I'd like to think so. There was a sense of ease in the air. I almost felt bad that I had shut Ivan down so quickly. My closest friend for years and I couldn't even say the word 'family' without worrying he'd want me to dissect every aspect of my situation. I open up to a gorgeous girl twice and suddenly I'm giving her the History of the Belikovs, Volume One.

It didn't seem right but it certainly felt that way. Though I was the first to push her away all those mornings ago, I didn't want this to end. Not yet. It was selfish, insensitive, and presumptuous of me but I couldn't help it. I wanted this again. I wanted her.

"I'll tell you what, I'll make a deal with you, one wandering soul with a troubled childhood to another."

She leaned up from her perch on the pew, both intrigued and wary. "Okay, spill."

"If you can guess whether or not I have siblings, I'll take you to Denny's."

Immediately her hesitation was obvious, wariness flitted across her face. I couldn't blame her. I had pushed her away, ruining the blanket of comfort we'd been under that morning she left my house. And now here I was propositioning her for another potential night together. If it was me in her place, I might have walked away, maybe even slapped me for being so presumptuous and taking advantage of the fact that she seemed to be at yet another low point, crying alone in a rundown church. I would have taken it, anything she threw at me, and let her walk away. I hoped she wouldn't but I wouldn't hold it against her if she did. What right what I have to?

She didn't though. Not yet anyway. She sat unblinkingly, her eyes flitting slowly across my face as though she was trying to discern my end goal here. She had every right to. I just hoped that whatever she may have found in her appraisal didn't dissuade her.

"Since you can't seem to find your way," I added when she still hadn't given me a reply. As I'd hoped, her expression softened and her wary gaze melted. A gentle smile graced her lips and she laughed outright, covering her mouth with her hands to keep the noise from escaping. Her laughter was buried in the long sleeves blanketing her hands. I wanted to hear it loud and unimpeded. I had to get her out of here with me. Anywhere. We could go anywhere, do anything she wanted, as long as this didn't end right away.

"I would like the company," she whispered softly as she considered it. "Dinner's completely on you?"

"I'll even throw in desert."

My heart thudded in my chest, blood pumping in my veins they way they had during my run this morning. A different kind of adrenaline was coursing through me in anticipation of her decision. She nodded so imperceptibly I almost didn't catch it. "Challenge accepted."

A/N: I'm super duper delighted you guys are enjoying things so far! I'm sorry I don't update as often as I'd like but real life gets in the way and it doesn't help that I'm a stickler for making each chapter flow as natural as I possibly can (even if it doesn't turn out that well but I do my best). Just a heads up again, I do tend to go back and edit previous chapters so if you see an update but there's nothing new, that's why. Also, fanfic is giving me some trouble posting new chapters so sorry about that! Thanks again for reading and the next chapter will be up soon!