Dimitri

"You can call the police if you want," Rose offered from her place on the front steps of my door. She squirmed where she was sitting, bouncing her leg up and down. She shoved her hair back from her face with one hand and twisted the necklace she always wore with the other, all signs that she was agitated. I was surprised she didn't have a cigarette in her hand.

"And why would I do that?" I set my messenger bag down beside me as I joined her on the steps, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"To report the crazy woman who keeps showing up announced on your front steps."

"I thought we talked about this. I don't think you're crazy," I assured her.

Was I surprised to find her car parked haphazardly in my drive way again? Of course but it had been an exhausting day at work and seeing Rose here, now, made it a little better. The unexpectedness of finding her here quickly morphed into a sense of relief even though we had set a date for Saturday. I didn't realize that the thought of not seeing her until then bothered me until the solace of finding her sitting on my front steps kicked in.

I liked that we talked everyday and saw each other almost just as much. It's both weird and amusing to me how much I was always looking forward to seeing her or just texting back and forth. I felt like a teenager all over again, excited by the newness of a budding relationship. I was a thirty-three year old man whose heart actually sped up a few beats when I spotted her on my front steps. Dating someone - or whatever this was - was still difficult for me to process or even describe, thrilling in a way I couldn't explain if I tried. I was enjoying it too much to really dwell on it. I reached out for her hand, her skin cool to the touch.

"How long have you been out here?"

She gave a half hearted shrug but didn't speak. She didn't want to talk about it and that was fine. We weren't at a place where we had to share everything between us. There was a rule between us to keep things as light and easy as possible. So far it was working. Despite how curious I was about Rose - the questions I had about her family, the pendant she always wore, her last name - I wasn't going to push when things were going well. Instead, I stood, hauling her up with one hand and grabbing my bag with the other. She let me lead her into the house, waiting patiently behind me as I set my stuff down, turning on a couple of lights as I went. Noting how cool the house was and how cold Rose was since she hadn't been wearing more than a thin long-sleeve, I flipped on the heat.

"Have you eaten?"

"I'm not very hungry."

I thought back to the night she had first suddenly showed up here, when she'd said she was always hungry. Whatever it was that brought her here, must've been bad. I didn't bring it up though, especially since I wasn't particularly hungry myself. Truthfully, I just wanted to sleep but I didn't want to squander any of the time Rose was here while I had her. She took a step toward me, holding my hands in both of hers before she cradled the side of my face, her deep set eyes searching my own.

"You're tired," she noted, as though sensing my thoughts. "I'm sorry for just showing-"

I leaned down to kiss her, silencing her apology. Her lips were cool to the touch but I didn't detect any hint of a cigarette on her breath. Something had obviously happened tonight to upset her but thankfully not enough for her to give in to smoking while she was trying to kick the habit instead of returning to it every time she was distressed. And right now, she was clearly distressed. It showed in the frown marring her face, the slight pinch to her brows as she returned the fervent kiss, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling us close together until their wasn't a width of space left between us. I pulled back, leaning my forehead against hers.

"Stop apologizing. I'm glad you're here with me."

"Me too," she agreed, her eyes downcast by whatever event that had brought her here.

"Rough day?"

She nodded. "You?"

"I've certainly had better," I sighed, thinking of tomorrows appointments, consolations, and paperwork waiting for me. Admittedly, the only thing getting me through it was having the date with Rose to look forward to. "Do you want to talk about it?" I offered, though I already knew the answer.

"Maybe later," she answered though we both knew we wouldn't. Without looking at me she asked, "Do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

"An impromptu sleepover with a beautiful woman? Yes, I mind. Who would want that?" I quipped.

She started to smile the way I'd hoped she would but it quickly faded. Her eyes glistened as though she was about to cry. Before I could ask what was wrong, she slowly leaned in for a hug, squeezing me as tightly as she could, surprisingly strong for someone her size. I hugged her back, enjoying the overwhelming sensation of having someone so close to hold on to. She didn't offer any explanation for her reaction so I left it alone. For tonight, there didn't need to be any talking. It was nice just having someone to be with, even if it was in silence. She shuddered in my arms, her teeth clattering together as she shivered.

"You're shaking," I noted, pulling back to feel her forehead. The heat hadn't been on long enough to warm her up but her skin wasn't cold enough to induce shivering.

She lifted her hand in front of her face, as surprised as I was to see herself trembling. "I can't stop," she whispered, her voice cracking. I'd seen this a lot over the years, signs of anguish exhibiting through her body. Hell, I'd experienced it myself.

"It's okay. Let's get you warmed up." I guided us to my room, shutting off the lights as we went.

It was already toastier in here than in the living room. I closed the door, keeping the heat confined to the room as I sat Rose down on the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of her to unlace her shoes and slip them off her feet. I stood up to pull the blankets back from my bed, urging Rose to crawl in. She snuggled down under the comforter as I tucked her in, her eyes following me across the room while I went to my closet to grab a sweatshirt for her to keep warm and help stop the shaking.

"We have to keep you warm," I explained. She sat up just enough for me to pull the sweatshirt down over her head and untuck her hair from the collar. She tucked her necklace into her shirt before laying back down, snuggling deep under the blankets. I rolled in right beside her after kicking off my shoes. The second my head touched the pillow, she shifted over, close enough so that we were sharing the pillow, only a hair's breadth between us as we settled in.

For a long while, neither of us spoke and neither of us closed our eyes to sleep. It was peaceful, laying there in the quiet. The roar of the waves crashing along the shore in the distance was the only sound other than the low hum of the heater slowly warming the house. The room was lit just enough that I could make out the lines of Rose's face, her hands curled beneath her cheek as she stare off into space, her gaze unfocused.

I could have fallen asleep like that, just laying there with another body so close to mine. In fact I almost did but she finally spoke, stirring me awake as I had just started to doze off.

"Liss is moving out," she said without preamble. "She's moving in with her boyfriend and she wants to sell the house."

Surprised that she was sharing this much, it took me a moment to figure out if I should speak at the risk of having her completely shut down. My curiosity got the better of me.

"Is that what happened tonight?"

She lightly snorted, humorlessly. "It's stupid right? I sound like a little kid, throwing a temper tantrum because I have to move."

"You grew up in that house, right?"

"Sort of," she shrugged without elaborating.

"It's like your family home. It's understandable that you'd be upset."

She scoffed and laughed, a soft sound again without any humor in it. "'Family home'," she muttered, vaguely but didn't say any more than that.

I thought back to the night we cooked dinner together, trying to remember the little she had told me about that house.

"It's okay to be mad about it but you said you didn't sleep well there anyway, right? Maybe this is a chance to break free and start fresh somewhere else," I suggested. She breathed out slowly, the pensive furrow of her eyebrows making me think that she was at least mulling my words over in head, despite how upset she was about the whole thing.

"Maybe, but what if I cant?" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"What do you mean?"

She closed her eyes for so long, I wondered if she was trying to go to sleep without explaining. I thought back to physical contact she seemed to need earlier, the comforting touch that I hadn't realized I needed until she had hugged me. I stroked her hair back, cupping the side of her face as I thumbed the soft skin of her cheek. As her unsteady breaths evened out, she finally opened her eyes.

"What if I don't know how to be on my own?"

Wasn't that everyone's fear? How to survive in the big bad world all on one's own and succeed? I had a decade on Rose and I was still trying to figure things out for myself. And it wasn't going well. It was my own fault, for pushing everyone I had in my life away and halfheartedly trying to repair it all. It didn't have to be that way for Rose though.

"What about your other roommate?"

"Mia thinks it's a good idea. She said something about finding a cheaper place closer to downtown so that I could cut back on some of my jobs."

"That sounds good."

"Yeah but she's a bit of a free spirit. She sort of takes off on random trips at a moment's notice. She gives me money every month but she works as a part-time bartender and doesn't make much. Even if we moved together..." she trailed off, not having to explain that she'd still be shouldering the bulk of the responsibility if she moved with her friend. She sighed tiredly. "What if I fuck up on my own?"

"That's just the chance everybody has to take and see if they survive," I told her honestly, unable to sugarcoat it no matter how much I wanted to. Unfortunately, in my experience, the world is full of hard truths and I'm learning that life is about facing as many of them as possible and surviving.

"My mother didn't."

She says it quickly and immediately tenses up afterward and closing her eyes as though she hadn't meant to. I don't know what I had been expecting her to say but it wasn't that.

"I've only known you a little over a month but from the little I know about you, if anyone can tough it out here in the real world, it's you."

The tension in her shoulders minutely relaxed as she realized I wasn't going to acknowledge her slip up not matter how curious I was. Everyone was entitled to their secrets. Even me, with everything I tried my best to avoid dedicating even an ounce of my energy thinking about, I couldn't judge.

"I'm not going to lie and tell you it'll be easy - because honestly it's going to suck ass - but you won't be alone."

She blinked slowly as I hoped it sank in what I was trying to tell her. I liked where this was going between us. I liked Rose more than I could describe, enough that I was counting on being there for her when she needed me to. The first genuine smile all night appeared on her face before she leaned up and gently pressed her lips to mine. Neither of us deepened the kiss. Our lips simply lingered there together until she laid back down onto the pillow, somehow impossible closer to me than she was before but I didn't mind in the least.

I tucked the blankets tighter around her. "Get some sleep for now," I suggested. She nodded, agreeing that a good night's sleep was a good idea for right now. She closed her eyes, her breathing evening out.

"Stay with me," she whispered. "Please?"

Whether she meant tonight or for the unforeseeable future, I wasn't sure. It didn't matter.

"I'm not going anywhere."

A kick to the shin and a hand to the face jolted me awake. I peeled my eyes open to the darkened bedroom and glanced at my phone on the bedside table. Only a couple of hours had passed. It was still a while before sunrise. I looked over at a restless Rose who was tossing around beside me. She whimpered, her face pinched into a frown. She was moving so much that I thought maybe she'd woken up but when I leaned over her, she was still asleep. Restless but asleep. She'd kicked the blankets off of both of us and had rolled to the other end of the bed, unable to keep from squirming or finding a comfortable spot to lay in.

I reached over, hoping a comforting touch might help. She stilled, her movements slowing as she calmed down. Her expression relaxed and her breathing settled down. I was tucking her hair back from her face when she spoke.

"Stay with me," she begged, barely above a whisper.

Again, I wondered if she was awake.

"Rose?"

"Please, don't leave...don't leave..."

She said it over and over again, her brows knitted together.

I called her name again, trying to settle her but she wasn't waking up. Sweat dampened her face and hands. I struggled to pull the sweatshirt off of her when I was still half asleep myself. I noticed the chain of her necklace knotted tightly around her throat, digging into her skin. I carefully untangled without hurting or waking her.

It was the first time I was able to get a good look at the pendant. It was beautiful with obvious wear and tear on the silver chain, tarnished in some places, shining in few others. The design was three intricately knotted circles. I held the small jewelry in my hands, knowing how much she cherished the little necklace that had seen better days, curious as to why it meant so much to her.

I looked down at Rose who had stopped moving as much but was still fidgeting. She whimpered, a single tear leaking from each of her closed eyes. The only thing I could think to do was to pull her close as carefully as I could, wary of her striking out or kicking me again. She wiggled close, her breaths evening out as the minutes passed. A few gentle rubs and pats to her back and a couple of reassurances later, she was sound asleep while I lay awake, wondering who had broken her.

It was my phone that woke me up next. I reached for it, hoping it wasn't the hospital asking me to come in early.

I sighed with relief. Just my alarm to go running. I was finally getting back into the habit again but after last night's lackluster sleep, I didn't think I'd make it two feet out my door. I groaned, opening one eye to look at the time on my phone. It was still a little too early for me to be awake. I'd only slept another couple hours, the predawn light peaking from the edges of my bedroom curtains.

Beside me, the bed was empty. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Both the bathroom and bedroom door were wide open and I didn't hear any noise coming from the kitchen.

Had she just left without saying anything?

I wandered into the living room, sighing in relief at the sight of Rose sitting on the couch, staring out at the windows.

She tensed up, startled when I slid my arms around her waist.

"It's just me. I didn't mean to scare you," I apologized.

She quickly relaxed into my arms, leaning back against me. She lifted herself up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"You didn't. I was spacing out." I wondered if she remembered crying in her sleep last night but decided to hold her a little closer to me instead of bringing it up. We stood there for a moment, looking out at the view that I definitely didn't spend enough time appreciating. The sky was overcast, the ocean's whitecaps crashing onto the shore with a roar that could be heard even through the windows.

"You're a good guy, Dimitri."

I scoffed, conveying how much I disagreed with her but she pressed on.

"You are. Dealing with an obviously unstable woman who keeps popping up unannounced-"

"Stop. It's fine. I want you here." I turned her around in my arms so that she stood looking up at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, anchoring herself impossibly closer. "I like having you here."

"I like being here," she smiled hesitantly. I could see the anxiousness on her face, worried that maybe she had overstayed her welcome.

"I told you that you're always welcome here for as long as you'd like but you should probably know that I'm thinking of implementing a few rules and requirements for gorgeous women who stay here."

Her lips tilted up at the edges as she started to smile. "What kind of rules and requirements?"

I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Nothing too arduous: a kiss every two minutes, mandatory nudity at all times...things like that."

"Do all your women have to follow these rules?"

"I don't know. You're the first one I'm testing them out on."

She laughed outright before stretching up on her toes to kiss me. Her lips were soft to the touch as she pressed them against my own. Her tongue traced along the seal of my lips before slipping in. I fixed the height different between us by bending to lift her up into my arms, her legs locked around my waist. She gasped, surprised by the move, her following laughter breaking the kiss.

"You're doing good so far," I complimented her as we pulled apart.

"I can follow rules sometimes. Should we test the no clothes rule?" It took considerable self restraint to reach for her hands, stopping her from pulling her shirt over her head. If the strain in my pants was any indication, I wanted her more than anything, especially after the teasing I'd started in my office the other day but I was fighting to hold back.

"What's wrong? You don't want to?"

"I do," I assured her, hating myself for trying to be a better man. "I really do." She looked at me skeptically. I pulled her against me and she gasped at the feel of my hardness pushing against her stomach.

"Then why...Is this about the whole 'wanting to get to know me' thing?"

"Yeah it is," I admitted, taking a step back. "I told you, I want this to be different."

"Then you should probably change some of your house rules," she muttered dryly, as she adjusted her shirt back over her stomach. "Need I remind you that we had sex the last time you tried this whole talk instead of sex thing?"

"Yeah and it was fantastic," I laughed. "But I should stop riling us both up if I want this to work. I just want to see how we do without sex when we're together. I meant everything I said before-"

"You like me, you want to get to know me beyond sex, and I'm welcome to show up unexpectedly at your house at anytime and stay for as long as I want?" she surmised. "Is that it?"

"Yes."

She breathed out heavily but smiled before she stepped close but only to kiss me on the cheek. "You must be reeeeeally into me."

"I reeeeeally am," I admitted. I didn't agree with her earlier opinion that I was a good guy but I was trying to be.

She stood there, her eyes searching my face as though trying to discern if I was telling the truth. Whatever she found there must have been enough because she smiled again and nodded.

"Okay." She glanced down at the front of the work slacks I had slept in. "You sure you don't want me to take care of that for you first."

I groaned, imagining all the pleasant Rose could help me alleviate the situation in my pants. I questioned my sanity and my decision making skills before reminding myself that Rose was the first person in a long time who felt worth all the efforts and hardships I'd have to endure for the sake of trying to be a better man.

"No," I said only hesitating a moment. "I'll...take care of it myself." Even I could hear the lackluster in my voice at the difference in pleasure I'd find in my own hand versus the methods Rose was offering.

"You sure?" she asked, piking up on my hesitance, desire lacing into her voice. I winced, a hiss escaping my lips when she barely touched the front of my pants, lightly pressing on the zipper. "I'm really good at it."

Again, I questioned my judgement before I gave a stiff nod. She retracted her hand, her lips turning down into a frown at the pleasure I was denying us both. She released a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes, thankfully folding her arms over her chest, keeping her hands to herself. I breathed a sigh of relief. Another second of her hands on me and I might have given in.

"Fine. We'll do this your way but that means keeping your hands to yourself until you decide to stop this craziness. I only have so much self restraint."

I chuckled, "Deal."

After deciding it would be easier on us both if we were alone in the house together, Rose chose to head home.

"You're welcome to hang around here," I offered once I'd showered and dressed for another day of work. She smiled gratefully and I was starting to hope that she was really beginning to believe me when I said that.

"I want to but I have work later and my uniform is at home," she said reluctantly. "Liss should be gone and Mia's probably still asleep so I won't have to face them just yet."

"You will eventually though."

"Don't remind me," she sighed as she finished pulling on her shoes. She reached out to straighten my tie, her eyes flicking up to my face. "I'm sorry you probably didn't get much sleep last night."

"I got a few hours."

"Hopefully the day won't drag and you can get home early for once and get a good night's sleep," she said optimistically. I doubted it but the sentiment was nice, all the same. She stepped back and surveyed my look from head to toe.

"Damn, it's illegal how hot you look in a suit."

I laughed as I finished buttoning my cuffs.

"I almost want you to wear one on our date," she said, her lust filled gaze slowly roaming over me. "Which reminds me, what should I wear on our date?"

I thought about it for a second, taking into consideration the couple of ideas I had for our date. "Dress warm. Jeans and sneakers."

"Okay, I can do that. You promise no Valentines cheesiness, right?"

"Right," I agreed.

Appeased, she pecked me on the lips before we made our way out the bedroom. The scent of cinnamon and coffee filled the air. She handed me a folded over bag and a thermos. "You still don't keep your fridge stocked but I whipped up a little something to eat."

My surprise morphed into gratitude. I didn't normally make time for breakfast but her thoughtfulness said and meant a lot. "Thank you. This is sweet." She shrugged, almost uncomfortable as she always was when I thanked her for bringing me lunch to the hospital sometimes. Still, I leaned down to kiss, unable to resist the sight of the light flush to her cheeks when I did.

"I didn't even know I earned a thermos. Or cinnamon."

She laughed as we both headed out the door to our cars, unfortunately to go our separate ways for the day.

"Will I see you later today?"

"We just spent the entire night together. You aren't sick of me yet?" she joked but, if I was reading her right, there was a hint of honesty insecurity in her words.

"Not yet."

She smiled.

"Dinner?" I suggested.

"Nope. You need to get some sleep," she said emphatically as she touched just beneath my eyes. "Maybe a late lunch? I have some time before my shift later."

"Sounds good," I agreed.

It was a new normal, making time to eat together or even just talk for a while. Was it crazy that we were already making plans to see one another after spending an entire night together? A part of me thought so but it was type of crazy that I was quickly growing accustomed to when it came to Rose.

"This weekend, dinner at your mother's house. You're going to be there," Tasha informed me when I reluctantly answered her call.

"Hello to you too," I replied as I finished up a few patient's files.

She heaved a dramatic sigh into the phone and I could practically see her rolling her eyes. "Hi, how are you, good," she rattled off before repeating, "dinner."

"I can't. I have plans this weekend."

"No you don't."

"Yeah I do."

"You only hang out with Ivan, Jesse, or me when you deign me worthy of your presence, so excuse me if I find that hard to believe," she snorted in disbelief. "You're not getting out of it this time, buddy. We've given you your time and precious space but it's been over two years. It's time to man up and come home."

"Why are you pushing this so hard?"

She hesitated only a second before answering. "Olena told me you talked the other day."

"It was a short conversation, Tash. Don't expect us to go to any mother/son dances or anything."

"So? A short convo is better than nothing at all. It's a step in the right direction."

"You realize I'm not one of your patients, right?" I asked, referring to her therapist practice.

"Not officially but you were my first. I've been working on you since kindergarten. I figure something should have sunk in by now." That actually got a laugh out of me that was cut short by what she said next. "They really need you back home, Dimka."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing bad. It's just...a lot has changed." She hesitated, again, which told me something was up. Over twenty years of friendship, I could tell when Tasha was trying to hide something from me.

"What's going on?"

"A lot...a lot has changed but it's not my place to tell. There's a reason your mom called you. You should just come home and see for yourself," she suggested.

If it was something serious, she'd have told me no matter what. Whatever it was, couldn't be too bad. Still, Natasha Ozera hesitating to say something and - sort of - minding her place by not spilling someone else's secrets, said a lot. Either way, I didn't feel ready to face the mess waiting for me at home but I brought this all on myself. I started all of this by running away the first time when I was a teenager and again two years ago. I ruined the way we were as a family and I wasn't even willing to try and fix it. That had to change. I thought back to my conversation with Rose about fresh starts. I needed to take my own advice and at least try to start anew. Right?

"Look I-"

A knock on my door interrupted. It was Rose with our lunch. I waved her in and she sat across from me, spreading out lunch out on the table.

"I can't this weekend-"

"Dimka-" Tasha started to admonish.

"No wait. Listen. I really can't this weekend but next weekend, I'll be there."

"You better be," she warned, sounding more like her old self. "So what are these big plans you have anyway? Ivan didn't mention anything."

"That's because Ivan has nothing to do with it."

"Oh, he told me you were trying to replacing him with Jesse," she said as though she figure it out. I didn't think I had the right to be offended that she could only assume I had two people - other than her - that I spent my time with. Especially considering my anti-social track record. I could have told her the truth but I wasn't ready for anyone else to know yet, not when I was still figuring things out myself. As far as I knew, Rose hadn't told anyone about me either. I liked that Rose and I were keeping things just between us for now.

"You know how dramatic Ivan is," I replied instead.

She laughed in agreement. We talked for a bit more, setting up plans for the next weekend at my mother's house, before hanging up. I sighed, wondering how such a short conversation could drain me of the little bit of energy I came into work with. If it was like this with Tasha over the phone, I could only imagine how I'd feel after a day at my mother's. Vodka. I'd definitely need Vodka afterward.

"You okay?" Rose asked. She had been sitting patiently while I was on the phone, nibbling on a piece of fruit.

"I've been better."

"You know, if you have to be somewhere else this weekend, we can always cancel or reschedule or whatever."

"And miss the opportunity to have out first date on Valentine's Day? No way."

She smiled as we both started in on our food. She mentioned countless times, how much she loathed trivial holidays like Valentine's Day but I was hoping our date would change her mind. Plus her dislike only made it all the more fun.

"If you're sure..."

"Trust me, I am. Besides, it'll give me more time to prepare?"

"Prepare for what?"

"Dinner with my family for the first time in a long time."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.

She was giving me the same chance I'd given her last night, an opportunity to open up if I want to.

"No, not now."

She was quiet for a moment, taking that in. I didn't talk a lot about my family. It was part of our attempts to keep things light between us and I didn't want that to change.

"But I'll let you know."

She nodded and smiled again, a small pull of her lips that matched the brightness in her eyes. There it was. I had finally figured it out, what it was exactly that made us connect so well together, what it was about Rose that made me like her so much. It was that, despite everything we kept to our selves, I could take one look in her eyes and know that she understood.

A/N: It's been a looooooooooooooooooooong time! I admit it's mostly been because of writer's block and many attempts to write and rewrite this story (you should see my documents manager) but I decided to just write and see what happens. But anyways, how's everyone doing? :)

Comments/suggestions/criticisms on plot/grammar are welcome!