This is a small chapter but it is a very important one to me. This chapter contains some troubling material. It contains talk of events that I've gone through in my own life and this chapter has been an outlet for me to express that as therapy is far too expensive. It contains some somewhat decent plot points so please don't be upset with me for putting in some of my personal story. Again, I love to see comments, no matter what they say so please feel free to leave one if you'd like to. Thank you to those who read my writing and please know your view brightens my day greatly.
Your friend,
Freckled_Satan
Piper arrived at the funeral home. She stepped out of the cab and looked over the building, illuminated by garden lights placed behind the surrounding shrubs. She stared at the large white letters across the front. Vause Crematory & Funeral Home est. 1989. She imagined it as Chapman & Vause Funeral Home & Crematory. She chuckled. That was far too long for a business name. It didn't really roll off the tongue.
She searched the darkness, unsure if she should go inside. She scanned the horizon, finding no signs of life.
"Alex?" She called out. No answer. She took a step forward. She heard rustling in the weeds behind her. Piper turned around quickly, finding nothing. Piper hugged herself tightly. She began to remember Lorna's head injury. Her breathing quickened. Another noise startled her, spinning her back. In the dark was the orange flame of a lit cigarette. Piper reached for her bag, desperately pawing for her pepper spray.
"Don't come any fucking closer to me!" Piper shouted.
"Relax, baby." Alex chuckled. She stepped closer, revealing her face to the blonde. Piper sighed in relief and pushed her hair back off of her face. Alex flicked her cigarette. She was holding her free hand behind her back. Piper could see the taller woman was wearing a white t-shirt with a gray flannel pulled over it. Her pack of cigarettes sat snugly in her shirt pocket. Piper looked down at herself. She was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a knitted, teal sweater. She wondered if Alex had dressed up or down for their secret rendezvous.
"Jesus," Piper breathed. "You scared the shit out of me, Alex."
"I'm sorry." Alex said calmly. She looked over the smaller woman, reaching a hand out to feel the soft material of her sweater. "I like that. It's cute."
"What's this about, Alex?" Piper asked shortly. She was thinking of all the things Alex had said earlier that day. The way her face had looked during their drive. They were only coworkers now. Nothing more.
"I uh…" Alex bit her lip. She pulled her hand out from behind her back. "I got to Miss Rosa's before they closed." She held out a single red rose, offering it to Piper. Piper smiled and looked down at the flower. It seemed to gleam in the moonlight.
"That's really sweet." She took it gingerly.
"I had them take all the thorns off of it." Alex shrugged. She put her hands in the front pockets of her jeans.
"So that's why you texted me at ten o'clock at night? To give me a disarmed rose?" Piper asked teasingly. Alex nodded her head.
"Yeah." She fiddled with her glasses. "That's why."
Piper ran her fingers over its pedals and naked stem. She took in it's fragrance before looking back towards the road.
"You could've given it to me tomorrow." Piper sighed. "I guess I should probably get home before Larry wakes up. The cabs are running slow tonight anyways and-"
"That's not the only reason." Alex interjected. Piper turned to face her, looking over her pale face. She waited for Alex to continue speaking. The taller woman seemed at a loss for words. The blonde nodded her head and began to walk away.
"I'm sorry." Alex called out from the darkness. Piper stopped walking but kept her back to her.
"I'm sorry…" Alex continued. "For all the shitty things I said." She sighed and crossed her arms, taking a few steps towards the smaller woman. "I don't wanna be…just coworkers with you." She admitted. Piper turned slowly and faced her. She held her hand to the side of Alex's face. Alex joined her hand with her's.
"You really mean that?" She asked. "I mean do you really truly mean that? You want me even if it means I'm marrying Larry? Even if it means we have to keep us a secret for who knows how long?" Piper's voice became strained. She stared into Alex's eyes. They looked clear yet sad. The green tones in her irises weren't nearly as bright as they were in the daylight. But, the moonlight gave them a sweet sparkle that made Piper's heart jump.
"I do." Alex whispered. "I want you no matter what."
"I'm going to figure out a way to get out of the elopement. You just need to give me some time, okay?"
Alex shook her head.
"No. No, don't worry about that. I shouldn't have been such an asshole about it." Alex slid her hand from the side of her face and kissed it. "I knew what you had with Larry the night I kissed you in the bar. I shouldn't have expected you to just up and leave him the moment you met me."
"What if that's what I want?" Piper interrupted. "What if I don't want him at all anymore?"
Alex stayed quiet, holding her hand. Piper pressed her forehead to Alex's and tightened her grip on her hand. "I wanna be with you. All the time."
Alex kissed her deeply, breathing her in. She tasted like cigarettes but Piper didn't care. She kissed her back, pulling her into an embrace. Alex smiled.
"You really mean that?" She asked.
"Can we stop asking each other that now?" Piper laughed.
"I didn't wanna be the one to say it cause it was kinda my thing to begin with." Alex replied, smiling widely. She kissed Piper again and held her tight. She lay her head on her shoulder. Piper buried her hand in Alex's hair and held her for a moment. For as mysterious and angry as Alex could be, she had a way about her that was innocent- almost childish. There was something about her that made Piper feel both protected but also as if she needed to be the protector.
"Can I show you something?" Alex asked excitedly. The childish part of her shined through, making Piper smile.
Piper followed Alex through what felt like a mile of tall weeds and tangles of twigs. They'd gone around the back of the funeral home and began walking down a small dirt path. Piper could hear crickets chirping and the croaking of tiny creatures within the trees. Alex was leading her by the hand, slowing her pace of her long legs to make sure Piper wasn't too far behind. They came to a halt at the edge of a small body of water. Alex sat down on a large rock, patting the cold surface next to her for Piper to take a seat. Piper joined her, looking over the calm pond as it gleamed in the moonlight.
Dragonflies circled around them, dancing on the weeds and skating over the glassy water. Piper listened to the buzzing of the insects in the warm air. She looked at Alex who was lighting her cigarette.
"Can I have one?" Piper asked.
"Women who smoke aren't attractive, you know?" Alex laughed and handed her one, lighting it for her. Piper inhaled the smoke and blew it out slowly.
"I take that back." Alex flirted. Piper laughed. She intertwined her hands with Alex's.
"Tell me a secret." She said. Alex sat quietly, staring out at the water.
"I tell everyone I used to sleep in the caskets, but I actually didn't. I'd lay in them but I could never fall asleep cause they're not comfortable. Like, at all." She laughed. She turned to Piper. "Now you tell me one."
"I cheated on Larry before I met you." Piper answered sadly. "I cheated on him with this guy I met when I worked at a bank after I dropped out of college."
Alex cocked one of her eyebrows and nodded her head. She waited on Piper to continue.
"His name was Jacob. He was this rich kid who was one of those guys that swindles people into getting credit cards they can't afford. There were a lot of times he and I were the only ones in the office and one day, I don't know…" She took a drag off her cigarette. "Larry and I were fighting over something stupid. Jacob asked me if I was okay and I was crying to him in his office. Next thing I know, we're fucking."
"Was that his way of swindling you into a credit card you couldn't afford?" Alex joked.
"Shut up." Piper chuckled. "It only happened once. It was horrible. He finished within about thirty seconds and I went home and told Larry about it that same day. It was like as soon as it was over I had this pit in my stomach and I thought I was going to throw up."
"What happened after that?" Alex asked.
"Larry told me he was sorry." Piper shook her head. "I fucked some random, average looking twenty two year old and Larry was the one who was sorry." She scoffed. "He cried and he told me he would be a better boyfriend. He told me he loved me and he forgave me and that he'd pay more attention to me in the bedroom."
Alex looked at her in confusion.
"What did you say to him?" She asked.
"I didn't say anything." Piper shrugged. "All I said was that I slept with someone from work. Then Larry broke down and freaked out and said all those things while he was crying his eyes out." She sighed. "All he asked of me was to quit my job and to never talk to Jacob again. A month later he proposed."
"Larry sounds like a really good guy." Alex said. "At the same time, he sounds like…"
"A pussy." Piper inserted. "He's such a good guy, but he's a pussy."
"Seems like you really love him." Alex said sarcastically.
"That's the thing. I did love him. I feel like sometimes, I still do. He's sensitive and he can be really funny." Piper said sadly. "He's insanely smart. He's witty. He reassures me and makes me feel safe."
"So what's the problem? Besides the occasional lack of a spine?" Alex pressed. She flicked her cigarette into the weeds. "What makes you look between him and I and decide you want me?"
Piper sat in silence and hit her cigarette. She watched a cricket hop from the grass into the water. She watched as it swam, cutting through the glassy pond.
"I don't know how to describe it. It's like with him, I've got everything handed to me. From the day I met him, Larry was wrapped around my finger. Everything I said he found hysterically funny. Every story I had he found interesting. Every problem I had, he had an immediate solution. With you…" Piper tightened her hold on her hand. "With you, it's like I'm working for a reward that's bigger than anything I've ever seen before. You question me. You make me feel like you're not so enthralled with me that you'll let me get away with everything. You make me feel like I'm on a level below you and I want nothing more than to skyrocket and be all the way up there with you."
Alex laughed.
"That sounds…so fucked up."
"No, there's more to it, I promise." Piper held her finger up. "You're also so unbelievably sexy and good at going down on me that I think you could be brain dead and I'd still want you."
"That's not any less fucked up by any means, Pipes." Alex put her head on her shoulder.
"I think I'm just fucked up." Piper sighed. "Even now, with all the things I've been doing behind Larry's back…I still don't feel guilty."
"I know what you mean." Alex replied. "I never felt guilty. Even when mom and I stopped talking, I still felt like what I was doing to myself was my own choice and mine alone. Like nobody else should feel hurt or angry about what I was doing because I was only destroying my body, nobody else's." Alex's voice took on a tone of sadness. "I don't think I really woke up until I was cleaning out Diane's house and found all these letters she'd written to me while I was living away from home. My ex, Regina, had sent them back and never told me about them. All those letters were my mom begging me to come home. To stop doing heroin. To leave Regina. She even offered to get me my own apartment if I would just…come home."
Piper wrapped her arm around her and held her tight. Alex sniffled.
"Can I ask you about Regina? You started to tell me about her at Millie's before-"
"Before Polly and Pete revealed your secret wedding plans?" Alex chuckled.
"Yeah, that." Piper said sheepishly.
"Regina was…" Alex straightened her posture. "My first love. Besides, heroin, of course. She's the one who introduced me to it. She's the one who taught me how to shoot it into my veins. After that first time, I was hooked." Alex recalled the memories as if they were the good old days. Piper noticed a different kind of gleam in her eye as she said the word heroin. It made her worry.
"I was nineteen when she and I met. She was thirty five. She was older and she was exciting. She had all these cool tattoos and she had this way about her that was condescending yet…intimate. She made me feel like I was so different and so mature for my age. Which, looking back now, that's what fucking creepy horrible people do." Alex hung her head. "They lure you in and convince you that they aren't the bad ones. That it's the ones who actually love you who are the bad ones. Your mother, your friends, your family. They make you think the fucked up shit they're doing to you is normal. That if you tell people about it they wouldn't understand."
Piper tightened her hold on her. She kissed the top of her head.
"What was the last straw? What made you leave?" Piper asked. Alex wiped tears from her eyes.
"I left when she uh…" Alex's voice shook. "When she waited until I was too fucked up to tell her the word 'no'. When I told her I didn't want to do something and she got me so high I couldn't fight her off and did…what she did to me. On top of it, that bitch filmed it." Alex sobbed. "She fucking filmed it."
Piper stayed silent, unsure of what to say. She buried her nose in Alex's hair and held her as she cried. They sat together for a while, Alex softly crying while Piper stared over the water.
"I left her and went to stay with Nicky. Diane died two days later. My life's been fucked up ever since."
The blonde kissed the side of her face softly. She took extra time, holding her lips to her pale skin for a few seconds longer than necessary. Alex turned her face and kissed her lips sweetly. Piper could feel the cold wetness of her tears against her cheeks. They broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. Alex put her hand on Piper's stomach, feeling the sweater material. She petted it, seemingly soothing herself.
"Where is she now?" Piper asked.
"I don't know. I don't want to know. She's probably in a drug den somewhere in Flatbush. She called the funeral home everyday for six months before Red started cussing her out in Russian. Then she showed up at my apartment. I don't know how the fuck she got my address. Nicky was there and she fucked her up pretty bad. Regina got sent to the ER and Nicky did a night in jail but, ever since then, I haven't heard a word from her."
Piper kissed her on the cheek again.
"Well, I want you to know," She looked into her eyes. "If I ever see her, I will do so much worse than put her in the ER."
Alex smirked and shook her head.
"No. I don't want any of that. I just want to go the rest of my life without ever seeing her again."
"What else do you want, Alex?" Piper asked sincerely.
"I want…" She looked over the pond, staring at the moon. "I want to see my mom again. I want to hear her voice. I want to hug her one more time." She looked at Piper. "I want to get my business to a place where I don't have to traffic heroin through the bodies of people who probably never touched drugs a day in their time of being alive. I want to stop missing the feeling of heroin in my veins with every waking moment." Alex placed her hand on Piper's thigh, playing with the frayed threads of the rips in her jeans.
"I want you." She smiled. "I want you in every way possible. I want you even when we aren't hiding. Even when I know you're at home in bed with your fiance."
"Why?" Piper chuckled.
"Why what?" Alex asked.
"Why do you want me? After I just sat here and told you all about how much I don't care that I cheated on my incredibly sweet and caring fiance? Not once but twice."
Alex lit another one of her cigarettes and laid back on the rock. Her long black hair splayed behind her onto the grass.
"I want you, because…" Alex took a hit off her cigarette. "Because you make me feel different in a way that isn't fucking terrifying. It feels real and deep. Not like you care about me so you can use it to blackmail me later." Alex turned on her side and rested her head on her hand, looking up at the smaller woman. "You aren't afraid of what I do. You accept me for everything I am. The fucked up parts and the somewhat okay parts. You keep me grounded when I break down. You've seen me cry more than Nicky and Lorna both in the time that I've known you." She sighed. "It's just something about you."
Piper laid back and joined her. She smiled.
"You forgot the part where you'd still want me even if I was braindead."
"Oh, right." Alex laughed. "I don't know about that part."
"What? Really?" Piper asked in shock.
"I'm kidding…mostly."
Piper reached for her back pocket, feeling her phone vibrate. She looked at the screen. She had six missed calls from Larry and one from Polly.
"Oh fuck." She rushed to her feet. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
"What's wrong?" Alex sat up.
"I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Piper called as she ran back towards the funeral home.
Alex sat on the rock under the moonlight, holding the rose Piper left behind.