Santana
We went to school together again. We came in a little late (or later than I used to) since we didn't have cheerios practice in the morning. It was a bit overwhelming and I was a bit uncomfortable since the parking was almost full. It was literally jam packed with regular students, jocks and other cheerios. When we arrived, it seemed like everyone stopped just to look at Santana's car parking.
The girls in the cheerios scurried down to greet her I think, while the others made sure to step out of her way.
"Hey, Brittany right?" One of the cheerios nudged me. I looked at her, she has this weird smile on her face. I think she was smirking because half of her lip was lifted on the other side. Like in one of those villain films where the villain has this super weird look because they're planning something bad to happen. But, I don't think that's what she's planning or if she's planning anything that has something to do with me.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Quinn said that we should learn from you." She explained as if I required her to do so. "The captains told us that you could pull off impossible routines for us... and seeing you do that backflip yesterday, I agree. Don't listen to Santana," she rolled her eyes and sort of whispered her name. She was walking ahead of us, I don't think she heard her. "Girl, you were good."
"Thanks." I uncomfortably scratched the back of my head. I would've shivered at the compliment if Santana didn't give me her spare cheerios jacket.
"I don't know if you're just shy or you seriously don't want to talk to me." The girl sounded offended.
I looked at her frantically. "Becca." She whispered her name.
"I'm sorry. I'm just socially awkward... I think. But, I don't mean to offend you."
She shrugged as if it was nothing. She then linked her arm on mine just like Quinn always did. They surely does that around here a lot.
"Momma!" My attention then turned in front of us when a super bubbly girl with a dark brown hair came running to Santana.
She hugged her so tight. I couldn't see Santana's reaction but I didn't think she was mad because she somehow hugged her back. Wait! Momma? She called her momma?
"Hey, Sugar! When did you arrive?" Santana pulled back first and looked at her. Becca and I continued to walk so we were able to pass by them.
"Last night. Oh my gosh! It was super awesome..." She excitedly told Santana where she was and everything she saw. She spoke super fast that I decided to tune out, I didn't want to eavesdrop. It wasn't really my business as well.
Becca sighed dramatically beside me and rolled her eyes. "Annoying, I know."
"Who was that?" I asked and took a glance behind us.
"That's the infamous Sugar Motta." There's spite in her voice, I was sure of it. I was waiting for her to elaborate but when she didn't, I brushed it off. I didn't want to be too pushy especially to people I've just met.
"See you at practice." Becca unlinked her arm from me and turned to a different hallway as I made my way to my first class. I glanced back to see if Santana's still behind me but she wasn't. I sighed as I get into the room.
...
It was weird. Something's not right. Did something happen?
Something really felt off. Like a tiny puzzle piece forced to fit into another tiny hole. It's out of place.
"Here we are." Quinn announced snapping me back to reality. She turned to face me when I didn't speak. "Hey, is... everything okay?"
"Oh, y-yeah." I nodded and unbuckled my seat belt.
"Hey..." Quinn further studied my face. "She's fine."
"What?" Was she able to read my mind?
"Santana... she's fine. She always is." I looked at her. God, she has pretty eyes. It wasn't dark like Santana's. It was a contrast actually. Santana's eyes has the color of soil or the ground. It's warming. It's comforting. It's... a reminder that helped me not to float. While Quinn's... it was forest like. It's soothing as well but it gives me a different kind of feeling. Like a mother's eyes who already knew what's going on with just one look. I couldn't decide who has the prettiest eyes. But, Santana's eyes were incomparable. Their eyes were both distinct and special.
"Thanks for driving me. You didn't have to..."
Quinn gave me a small smile. "This is the only time Santana has asked me a favor."
"Still, thanks." I reciprocated her small smile. I was about to open the car door but she stopped me.
"Wait." She grabbed my elbow. I slowly removed my hand from the handle and looked at her questioningly. "Would you like to hang out for a while?"
I was surprised that she asked me that. Me and Quinn only talked whenever there's Santana. She always made me feel comfortable though. "Um, I'd have to check with my dad."
"Is he home yet? I could talk to him." Quinn unbuckled her seatbelt.
"Not yet. I could just message him or call him."
"Okay." Quinn bit her lip as I pulled out my phone from the pocket of Santana's jacket.
We waited for a while. My father said that it's fine and he's on his way home. So, Quinn smiled and drove off. I didn't even know where we're going. I asked but when Quinn said the name of the place, I didn't ask further anymore. It was unfamiliar to me anyways.
"This is my favorite place. My parents used to bring me here and my sister when we were little. When my sister married, my parents still brought me here but... it just wasn't the same anymore. So, after a while, we just stopped." Quinn said after parking the car in front of the place she talked about earlier.
"I'm sorry about that." I apologized, not completely understanding why she was telling me these things.
"Come on."
"Wait, it might be expensive. I didn't bring extra money." I reached for her arm to stop her from getting out.
She placed her other hand on top of mine. "It's my treat, silly. I invited you to hang out, didn't I?" She then smiled again and squeezed my hand. "Come on."
"But -"
"Please?" And that was all it took for me to follow her out and inside the restaurant.
We waited outside for a while since we didn't have a reservation. By the looks of it, it was one of those fancy restaurants where the lights were warm and it smelled like pizzas and everything Italian in it.
"This way..." The hostess lead us into a booth that was on the other side of the restaurant, quite secluded than the rest.
"Thanks." Quinn and I thanked her before she left. Quinn sat opposite me as she scanned the menu. I looked at mine and browsed as well. Holy shit! These are expensive.
"Hey." Quinn must've sensed my nervousness. "Just order whatever you want." She gave me a comforting smile. I noticed that she has different kinds of smiles - a motherly one, a comforting one, a teasing smile and her sad smile. It reminded me of Santana. Though Santana has a different smile, it still reminded me of her. People can be similarly different from each other yet still blend in.
"Are you sure you can afford this?" I whispered and looked around.
Quinn chuckled a little. "I'm positive. Do you like me to order for you? Their pasta here is the best or we can share a pizza?"
"Um, whatever you like is fine."
"Okay." Quinn shrugged and ordered for the both of us.
We were both silent after the waiter left. Or maybe I was silent because I felt her eyes on me. It made my face feel hot. "Are you scared of me?"
"What?" I looked up and immediately her face scrunched up with seriousness. She was dead serious. It made me a thousand fold nervous.
"Are you scared of me?" Quinn asked again as she narrowed her eyes.
"N-no." Shit, fucking stutter.
"Hm, don't be." She then leaned back on her seat. "I want us to be friends."
That made me scrunched my face too. "Why?"
She laughed as if the answer was too obvious. "What do you mean why? Don't you want to be friends?"
"Look, Quinn. Just because we're both in the cheerios doesn't mean you have to act so nice and treat me like this. I'm nothing but ordinary." I didn't want people putting expectations on me. I didn't move here to create friends or be buddy-buddy with everyone. I didn't mean to sound rude especially with Quinn, it's just, I wanted to be clear. I didn't intend to expand my circle or make other people jealous because I was getting special treatment.
She laughed again. "That's why I want us to be friends. God, you are not trying hard."
"What do you mean?"
"I like you. I like that you're straight to the point. I like that you're not here to compete. You just want to get things done as simple and as fast as possible." Quinn cleared her throat. "Everybody just wants to fit in... but not you."
"You don't know me well." We've only known each other for more than a week.
"I'm a good judge of character."
"I don't know."
"Relax a little, will you?" Quinn sighed. "You need friends. You need people around here to survive Lima."
"I don't know." I shrugged again.
"Well, I know." Quinn said confidently. "You and Santana were hanging out a lot."
"We work together."
"And hangout even after work."
"Did she tell you?"
"We're friends, but we don't kiss and tell." I don't even know what she meant by that. "I mean, we're not friends friends, okay? People would like to believe so because we're co-captains. It's convenient like that but... we don't share secrets, we don't talk about deep stuff. Santana's a hard rock to crack."
"What do you mean?"
"Just be careful around her. She's not someone you think she is."
I don't know about that, but I've seen a part of her that's genuine enough for me to even judge. She let me see a part of her that was too fragile.
"I don't know. I mean we talk. Santana's been nice to me."
"That's because she needs you in the team. I swear that girl stalked you right after we've seen you at the Nationals. She was practically planning things to destroy your team. Well, your previous cheer squad."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Like I said, I just want you to be careful. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Did something happen between you two?" If she's saying these things, then something must've happened between them. Just yesterday, I've seen Quinn defend Santana over that Puck guy. She always got her. "You two seemed friends. You even defended her."
"It's complicated."
So something did happen.
I didn't ask what because Quinn has changed the subject already. When our food arrived, we talked about another thing. But what she said kept bothering me. Why was she talking like that about her?
Quinn was nice though. She made me feel comfortable, she always asked me if I wanted anything more or if the food was okay or if I had something more to do.
When we went out of Breadstix, it was a little dark already. When I looked at the time, it was a little after six. There was a message. I immediately opened it but it was from my dad telling me not to go home too late.
"Do you need me to drive you home now?" Quinn asked as we walked back to her car.
"Um, sure."
"Okay." She has the sad smile again.
"Or we can hangout a little more?" I offered.
"Are you sure?" Quinn wasn't smiling but I knew that she was delighted that I've asked.
"Yeah."
"Alright. Let's go." Quinn finally smiled as she entered her car and backed out of the parking lot. She even turned the radio on. Apparently, she has driven us home. But not to my house because this house was so big. I can tell that they were very comfortable. They even have a garden landscape decorated with flowers. I didn't know the colors because it was quite dimmed though they have tall garden lamps outside. The drive around was quite a view. It was like I was in some sort of a movie where there was a fancy car with a chauffeur driving you around.
"Woah, you're rich!" I didn't intend to gush out about it, but you know how my lips work better than my brain sometimes.
Quinn laughed shyly. "No."
"You are!" I swear they were, their house was twice or even thrice as big as my father's house. Her car fits perfectly. It's not as hot as Santana's but it's so classy.
"Wait, are your parents home? Can you bring friends? What if I break something inside?"
"My mom's home. Yes, I can bring friends and you won't break anything inside." Quinn parked her car beside this white elegant car. It's probably one of her parent's.
"Let's go in. My mom would be delighted to meet you."
"Hey, I'm nervous. Are you sure it's okay?"
"Yes, let's go." Quinn grabbed my wrist and pulled me in. I kept my head down just in case. We walked through this marble tiles when we were in. There were plants and flowers and fancy things everywhere.
"Mommy? We're home."
Her mom appeared from the kitchen. She has the same blonde hair as Quinn's and she looked exactly like her. She was dressed elegantly just like Quinn would. But there were evident lines on her face.
"Good evening, Mrs. Fabray."
"Good evening dear." She stepped closer to us. That's when I noticed that she was holding a glass of wine. She placed it in a small coffee table and walked in front of me. Then she did something unexpected. She pulled me into a hug.
"It's nice to meet you. Quinn never brings her friends here." The hug was gentle, warm which alarmed me even more. I was stunned to say the least.
"Mom..." Quinn sighed.
"Oh, don't be embarrassed, Quinny. I was just being polite to..."
"Brittany." I said as we pulled back.
"To Brittany." She then gave me a wink. "Well, I'll be in your dad's office. There are food in the fridge if your hungry."
"We already ate. We'll be up in my room."
"It's nice to meet you, honey." She grabbed her glass before walking back into a dark hallway.
"You too, Mrs. Fabray." Quinn dragged me so quick the stairs. I was worried I'd slipped if it weren't for the red carpet covering the entire staircase.
Quinn then turned the lights on. Looking inside her room, I felt a bit more like a stranger. It was like I wasn't supposed to be there and just my mere presence inside it seemed... wrong. Everything in there was just too neat, too clean, too expensive. It really spoke of Quinn - finesse, precise and confident.
"What's wrong?" Quinn turned back. "Why are you standing there? Come in."
I moved as she said it. I scanned once again as I get further into her room. It was everything that wasn't my room. It's also the size of my room plus my dad's room. She has bigger windows and bright curtains. And her bed, oh, it was perfect and looked cozy. I can't help but ran my hand through its sheets and fur.
Quinn jumped on the bed that startled me. She then laid down and propped on her elbows to look back at me. "Do want something to drink? We could watch a movie... or we could just... talk?" She was unsure. But every pause she made, she studied my features.
"It's fine. We could just talk, I guess?" I sat beside her on the bed. She nudged my knees using her since she was lying down with her feet dangling over the edge. It made me smile at how playful she's getting.
"Tell me what song you like."
"Why?"
"Just tell me." Quinn shrugged.
"Hm, I don't really have any favorites."
"Oh, come on. Don't be so reserved. Loosen up, Brittany, just for once. Tell me a secret... your secret song." She smiled widely at me.
"I really don't have."
Quinn rolled her eyes playfully. "What song do you listen to often... like when you're feeling off or feeling blue?"
I thought about it. There were only a few songs in my playlist. "I always listen to Faith Hill's Breathe. It's my parents song... or was. I used to hear my dad sing it to mom."
"Does it make you feel better?"
"It makes me feel something..." I shrugged.
"Do you sing?" Quinn sat up and rested her head on my shoulder.
"No."
"Why do I feel like your lying?"
"Oh, no. I don't. Really. I dance, but singing isn't really something that I do."
"Come to Glee club tomorrow. We have rehearsals after class plus we don't have cheerios practice tomorrow afternoon."
"You're in Glee club?" I didn't want to sound offensive but I was just a bit shocked to hear her say that.
"Yeah, it's fun. Look, you don't have to sing or audition. You can just watch... that way we can still hangout."
"I work tomorrow though."
"What time does it start?"
"Five."
"That's fine. I'll drive you to work then."
"I don't know. It isn't really my thing."
"Just this once. If you don't like it then you can leave as soon as you want. Please, just try." She now moved so that she was facing me. I felt her breath on my cheek, she was that close.
"Okay." I whispered as I swallowed.
"Yes! Thank you!" She then squeezed me tight. "Promise you'll have a good time." After that, she jumped out of bed. "I need to pee." She ran towards the adjacent room before I could say anything.
I pulled my phone out of my jacket to check on the time. I didn't want dad to be pissed at me for going home late.
I felt something vibrate beside me. It was Quinn's phone.
"Hey, Quinn?" I called out. "Someone's calling."
I heard her open a door then shouted. "Can you pick it up for me? Tell them I'd call them back." Then she closed the door again.
"Uh, sure?" I took the phone and looked at the caller ID, it was Santana. I looked at my phone again, no new messages from her. I texted her twice after practice because she practically just disappeared. I tried looking for her but Quinn pulled me to her car before I could even start.
"Hel -"
"Q, did you drive her home? Please tell me she's home. I promised to drive her home. I just couldn't tell her. Everything has happened so fast and I panicked." She paused and let out a deep breath. "Did you..." She paused again. "Just stick to our plan, Q. She doesn't need more drama from me."
"Santana." I said, I didn't know if she could recognize my voice because it was so low. It was like a distant voice that didn't come from me at all.
"I gotta go." I heard some shuffling on the other line. "I'll make it up to you and Berry soon. Bye."
"Who was it?" Quinn said when she went out.
"Uh, I have to go home." That was the only thing that popped up in my head.
"Oh my gosh. Are you in trouble? Is your dad mad?"
"No, i-it's fine. I just need to go."
"Alright. Okay." Quinn headed towards the door and opened it for me. "I'm really sorry, Brittany."
"It's fine. My dad's not mad."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
The entire car ride, my mind was filled with different thoughts. Thoughts of Santana, thoughts about what she has said. It kept on playing on my mind. She doesn't need more drama... stick to the plan... I just couldn't tell her. What the hell was that about? Did it mean that she doesn't want to be around me anymore? She was the one who come up to me in the first place! I was getting frustrated at her, at myself, but not at Quinn. She was nice. She brought me home and made sure that my dad wasn't really angry. She even talked to my dad and explained that she insisted that we drop by her house.
My dad was nice to her too. He smiled like he did with Santana. Quinn and I said goodbye after a few minutes. She knew something was off because she was looking at me worriedly during the entire way to our house until we talked to my dad.
"Good night, honey." My dad called out when I was on my way up to my room. I doubled my pace when I reached the top of the stairs. I couldn't think straight. I plopped down on my bed and covered my head with a pillow.
Shit! Shit! Shit! I need to stop thinking. I'm getting more and more confused. Stop! Stupid! Stupid mind! Stupid people!
...
Santana didn't go to school the rest of the week. She has missed so much. Sue didn't say a word about her absence though, she knew something. That I was sure. Quinn didn't look the same too. She mentioned that they weren't really close but I could see through her. My stomach kept on having this weird feeling, like something bad was happening that I wasn't aware of yet.
I knew I promised Quinn that I'd watch Glee's rehearsals, even Rachel asked me about it twice this week. She said she was expecting me to come and was disappointed when I hadn't turned up. I apologized. To Quinn and Rachel and they understood.
It was Friday, I have my Friday night shift with Tina. She was careful around me, I didn't know why but I could feel it.
"Are you feeling alright?" Tina asked me as we were cleaning the counters. We'd get off in a few minutes.
"Yes." I glanced at her. "Just a little tired."
"You can go if you want. It's almost the end of our shift."
"Nah, it's alright. I've got nowhere else to go."
"Oh, you should come with me then." Tina perked up all of a sudden. "There was this last minute party at Mike's house. It was a fifteen minute drive here so it wasn't that far. Free food, free beer. You in?"
"I don't really drink. Plus, I think my dad's expecting me."
"It's going to be a blast. I bet you haven't been to a Lima party before."
I shook my head no.
"Well, as lame as Lima sounds, whenever someone throws a party around here, it turns out epic. Try it. It's Friday night after all." Tina moved closer and tugged on my wrist.
"I don't drink." I told her again.
"You don't have to. I don't drink that much too. But, there's loud music and good people. Oh, and Quinn would be there with some of your friends from the cheerios."
Friends from the cheerios. My mind automatically thought of Santana without meaning to. I didn't think she'd turn up to a party after being gone for a week though. She hasn't replied to any of my messages. I don't even know why she's ignoring me now.
I knew that I wasn't suppose to worry about her... but seeing her walls crumble that night just gets me every time.
"I'll take that as a yes." Tina let go of my wrist and pulled me at the back to fill out our time cards for the night.
...
When we arrived at Mike's, the party was already in full blast. I've seen some familiar faces when we went further in. Tina said hi's to her friends along the way until we reached where her boyfriend was.
"Hey." He greeted Tina with a kiss and handed her his cup.
"Hi, Brittany right?" Mike said over the music.
"Yeah. Tina invited me."
"Glad to have you here. Enjoy, 'kay?"
Mike was an okay kind of guy. He was sweet and charming and well - fits perfectly with Tina.
"Do you want anything to drink?" I heard Tina asked. Before I could even answer, a hand snatched my arm and turned me around. "Hey!" It was Quinn. "Didn't expect you'd be here."
"Well, me neither." I answered.
She smiled at me. "Come on."
I looked back at Tina and she only nodded then went back talking to Mike. "Where are we going?"
Quinn didn't answer, instead she just pulled me until the loud music became almost muted. We entered the kitchen and I immediately saw that mohawk guy and the quarterback and another guy from the football team. "This is Puck which I think you already know, Finn and Sam." Quinn pointed one at a time as she introduced the boys.
The door swung open again. "This is one hell of a party."
"And that's Mercedes, Sammy's girl." Quinn pointed at her.
"Hello." I said as she leaned over the counter beside the guy named Sam.
"Hey, girl."
"She's Brittany." Quinn introduced as she rounded the counter and started opening and closing the overhead cabinets.
"So I heard." Mercedes then turned her attention to me. "I've seen you on the field. You can definitely move that fine booty, girl."
"T-thanks?"
"What the hell are you lookin' for?" Puck turned to Quinn.
"Make us some drinks." Quinn gave up then walked beside me again. We both sat on the stool as we watched Puck mix some drinks. All six of us conversed for a while, or they conversed while I listen. I only answered things when they asked me. Nothing much to give away.
"I don't drink." I whispered to Quinn as Puck handed me a shot glass.
"It won't taste like shit, I promise. Puck here mixes drinks at a bar so he knows what he's doing."
"Hey, I'm a pro at it." Puck smirked.
"On three?" Quinn looked at me again after rolling her eyes at Puck. I haven't had time to decline as Quinn guided the drink to my lips. I copied how she did it. I tilted my head back as the liquid ran through my mouth down my throat - it was sweet then sour and then I felt a burning sensation in my throat.
"Wooooh!" Quinn breathed out.
When I inhaled some air, I started coughing out. "T-that's..." I tried to speak but more coughing stopped me. I heard Mercedes giggled as Quinn rubbed my back.
"It'll burn just for a few seconds. It won't last long."
"Too hot." I was able to said finally. Mercedes pushed a red cup in front of me.
"It's just water. To help sooth your throat."
I took it and thanked her. I almost finished half of it before another round of shots was laid on the counter. We talked then Puck poured another liquor on the shot glasses. It didn't bite back as cruelly as it did the first try. I felt the inside of my mouth water and numb at the same time.
"Let's dance." Quinn pulled me out of a chair later on. The next thing I knew, I was already on the dance floor. I didn't know who was dancing with who. My vision was kind of blurry. I felt Quinn's arms secured around me though. She was laughing a lot.
Another loud music played. Everyone seemed to be hyped up for some of them were singing or rapping along. When the song ended I told Quinn that I need to use the restroom.
"You're slurring, careful." Quinn held me as we walked towards the restroom. There was a short line outside but Quinn pounded on the door and cut the line short. "Do you need help?"
"No." I shook my head as I went in and locked the door. I peed as fast as I could but I had troubles zipping my pants up. It took me a while since I somehow lack body coordination. So this is how drunk people feels like. I felt my body numb and my mind floating again. I wish I could look at Santana's ground eyes.
I flushed then washed my hands on the sink. I was able to look at myself in the mirror. I still looked fine, my eyes were just a little hooded but I don't think my dad would notice.
There was a knock on the door. It made me jumped from where I was standing. "Brittany, are you alright in there? Do you want me to come in?" Quinn asked from the outside. I unlocked the door and opened it slightly.
"Do you have to pee?" I asked her.
"Um, yeah, sure." She nodded and stepped in.
"I'll wait for you outside."
"Okay."
I then stepped out and closed the door behind me. The music was a bit mellowed now. I leaned my back on the wall and closed my eyes for a while. I couldn't stop thinking about those brown comforting eyes. It amazes me and mesmerized me somehow. I haven't seen something that ordinary yet consider them so special. I could get lost or buried into them. It could suck me in to a different universe.
"Brittany? Oh gosh!" I heard Quinn's voice calling me out. I wanted to ask her why she sounded so panicky. She kept on calling me like I was lost. Wait, am I lost? But I haven't even moved. I stayed by the wall beside the restroom's door. It's impossible that I've walked away. I could still feel the wall behind me.
I didn't know how long Quinn kept calling me, there were others who also tried to call my name. I think it was Tina then Mercedes. They kept on calling my name and asking if I could hear them or if I could walk.
"What the hell happened?" After that, there was a brief silence. Her voice made everyone's voices drop. It was very familiar. Like a song you'd like to play on repeat. That's how her voice was for me. A soothing and lovely music.
Still can't believe that she's gone :(