Faults and Flaws

I didn't know who was more shocked, if it was me or Santana. Before I could even think of what's happening she pulled back – wide eyed, startled and let out a gasp.

"Oh God, I didn't mean to… I'm s-sorry. I just – "

Before she could finish her sentence, I leaned in again. I wanted to tell her that it's okay. Hell! It was more than okay. It's as if something as special as this was meant to happen all along. I wanted to assure her that this was what I wanted too if this was what she wanted anyways.

My heart started speeding up. I could feel my heartbeat as it pulsed through my ears. Neither of us moved. Our lips just touched for a few seconds or maybe minutes. I was no longer certain. Everything that's happening in this moment seemed surreal. Not in a bad way of course.

I felt her swallowed before she moved closer to me. This time she relaxed as her hand moved at the back of my neck. She pulled me closer as our lips started molding into each other's. I felt my body relaxed when she let out a simple hum. It was a good sign, right? I'm doing this right, right?

Our kiss changed, it's no longer awkward or anything. It was far from that as a matter of fact. I felt my eyes closed, not on purpose. My eyes just shut so, so naturally. It was like I was dreaming of a good dream, except I was not asleep. Her lips were so soft, mine was probably chapped or something. But something about the way she moved her lips with mine urged me not to stop. It felt so damn good kissing her. Her kiss was on my top list now, second is when she links her pinky with mine of course.

Everything easily confused me these days, but if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's Santana. And she's my favorite person in the whole world.

Before the kiss could deepen a bit more, we pulled back. She rested her forehead against mine.

"Wow." I whispered, still catching my breath.

"Yeah." She sighed.

We stayed quiet for a while. Just enjoying the silence and peace radiating between us.

"You are beautiful, Santana." I opened my eyes and moved my head back a bit to look at her. Her eyes were still closed. I thought she did not expect me to say that by the way she bit her lip trying to hide a smile.

"You're such a goof, you know?" She then looked at me and playfully rolled her eyes.

"Why? Because I told you that you're beautiful? I bet you already know that."

"Stop." She tried to cover my lips with her hand but I caught it and placed a soft kiss on her palm instead. She let out another gasp.

I didn't let go of her hand. I placed it on my lap and started playing with her fingers. Neither of us said something for a while again. We just stared down at our hands.

"People have always thought of me as a bitch. Someone who would lash out at any given moment. The one who would do everything just to get on top." Santana said with a soft voice. "I never wanted to be that kind of person. I never planned on becoming what I am. But as years passed, I knew I needed to be this rude ass bitch or else people would treat me like a trash."

"You're not rude."

"I am. I must be this tell it like it is person. Out there, the world wouldn't give a damn about me unless I become this… this… cold-hearted. That's why I never really had a friend."

"Santana…" I sighed as I held her hand firmly. I waited for her to look at me until our eyes locked on each other's. "You may be right about how the world will treat you, but you don't have to be cold-hearted. And you are not." She might not be able to see but she's more than what she gave herself credit for. "You're one of the nicest – "

She scoffed and gave me a cocky look that said 'really now?'

"You are one of the nicest people I've met in my entire life." I continued and emphasized it for her. I wanted her to know that I was serious about the things I said. "You really are. You may be a bitch sometimes, but who's not? Nobody's perfect. Everyone has their own bad side and people do what they do because they have to in order to survive. I'm not apologetic for how I act, for my weirdness, for being so reserved… so should you."

"Well, it's not that easy, Britt."

"Why do you give a damn about what people say?"

"I don't."

"You do. Why?"

She looked away, probably embarrassed that I called her out for the truth. It took her a while to answer, I didn't rush her too. Instead, I waited. Patiently.

"I'm different, Britt. And I'm scared. I'm still scared of the looks, and all the talks behind my back. I'm just… different."

"Different? How?" I scrunched my brow. Between the two of us, if there's one person who's odd here, it's going to be me.

"I…" She opened mouth but stopped herself from spilling everything. It took her sometime again. I could sense her hesitation. "I like… girls, remember?"

I blinked. A couple of times. I tried to process what's wrong with her statement. I've known it and it didn't make any sense why she was so hesitant to say it. Was that really a big of a deal?

So, I leaned closer. Just enough to whisper to her. "So… am I like an alien or something?"

"What?" She looked back at me again. Confusion written on her face.

"For someone so popular and so secured like you, you shouldn't feel like you're different. Not in the wrong way at least. Look Santana, your gender orientation does not make you different. It makes you… you. And you are special."

"You only think like that because you don't know me too well."

I sighed. She was really a tough, hard-headed girl. "You are special, and I would argue with anyone who says otherwise." This time, she smiled. "And I'm here for you. I'm your friend. I can be anybody you want me to be."

"Thank you, Britt. Seriously, you are like a genius or something. I just wish my abuela say that about me too."

"Abuela?"

"Yeah, my grandmother."

"Why?"

She took a deep breath before she answered. This might be hard for her. "She practically disowned me when I came out to her. Saying that what I am is a sin and I shouldn't be like this."

"What? That's horrible!" I exclaimed. This is news to me.

"Yeah, but past is past. I just wish that she'd supported me more. I guess I'm still lucky though because my parents accepted me for what I am. Nothing changed, well, except for the first few weeks after I told them. My dad kept on asking if I was sure."

She's braver than I thought she was. People could see and say whatever they want against Santana, but I bet they didn't know what she went through. "Thanks for telling me that. And being gay doesn't make you any less human."

"Thanks, Britt." She gave a small smile.

I pursed my lips and sighed. I sometimes wish she could see herself through my eyes. She's far from perfect but she's really, really special. "What's your favorite color?"

She gave me a dumbfounded look before she laughed and shook her head. "You are so random sometimes. Come on, let's go get changed."

She pulled me up from the bed and led me to her bathroom. I closed the door behind me and scanned the place once again. It truly was a fancy bathroom that spoke so much about Santana. Neat, classy, and fragrant. I took my time changing clothes, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I couldn't get enough of how extravagant her bathroom looked like compared to mine. I suddenly got curious what Santana must've thought about our house.

When I got back to her room, she has already changed into her sweatpants and tank top. She was sitting on her bed while browsing on her phone. She noticed me as she looked up and quirked a brow at me. "Finally."

"Sorry." I bit my lip shyly. "Your bathroom really looks nice. It smells super nice too." She laughed at me.

"Thanks. My turn." She jumped off the bed and took her own time getting ready for bed.

Then, I scanned her bedroom. It wasn't my first time seeing the place, but the last time I was here I didn't get the change to really look around. She has some pictures on her desk that caught my attention. I walked slowly toward it. One was a picture of Santana and who I assumed was her mom. She was sitting on her mother's lap. They looked cute together. Another picture was of their complete family. Her dad was smiling so proud of his two girls. Her dad looked so young in the photos and so was her mother. Santana's got her father's eyes – warm, soothing and loving.

"Hey." I felt her presence beside me. "What are you looking at?"

"You looked great together. You have your father's eyes."

She nodded. "That's what they say. Come on. Let's watch a movie or something."

I climbed on her bed and sat comfortably while I watched her set everything. She let me pick a movie, so I chose a comedy film. I'm not a big fan of romance though I know Santana was, deep inside. Because who the hell has Nicholas Spark's novels-to-movies in their laptops if they aren't romantics? She just doesn't realize it yet, I think.

We were already in the middle of the movie when I remembered my question from earlier. "San?" I nudged her beside me. She glanced at me before she went back to watching the film.

"Hm?"

"What's your favorite color?"

"So you really are serious about that." She shifted on the bed and moved closer to me. The only thing keeping us apart was her laptop. "But if I tell you, I'd have to kill you." She looked pretty serious as the lights coming from her laptop illuminated her face.

"Go for it then." I shrugged and moved closer to her too.

She chuckled. Almost too softly that made something inside me warm up. At that moment, I was thankful that it was dark in her room. I didn't want her to see me flushed all of a sudden.

"Blue." She said simply.

"Blue?" I asked, suddenly surprised. "That was unexpected." She quirked a brow at me, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. Oh well!

"Why?" She then turned fully to face me. The movie almost playing only as a background noise.

"Hm, I've always thought of red. It's just... weird. Why blue?"

"Hm, just because." She half shrugged. "Like when you look at the sky when it's so clear and bright outside. I just loved it." Then she looked at me straight in the eyes. "Like the color of your eyes too. It's simple yet so... deep and beautiful at the same time."

I felt a tug in my heart when she simply put it that way. I wanted to laugh at her, shove her and kiss her at the same time. But I settled for just rolling my eyes. "Stop flirting, Lopez!" I playfully warned her.

"I'm not." She scoffed. "Well, what's yours?"

"It's a secret!" I giggled and poked her.

"Hey, not fair." She poked my sides back, it started of as innocent then it became playful until I couldn't take her tickles anymore. She moved closer until we tackled each other, we rolled over the bed, pushing her laptop away from us in the process. Neither of us wanted to stop until she was able to pin my hands down and moved on top of me. We were almost out of breath when she stopped.

She looked suddenly conscious when we both realized what a compromising position we have. Our giggles faded down slowly and was replaced by our ragged breaths.

"You're beautiful too." She whispered once her breathing slightly normalized.

I smiled as a reply because at that point I didn't trust my voice or mouth into speaking. I didn't know what's going on with me or with us. Santana made me feel all these kinds of feeling and I didn't know if I like them or if we're just being caught in the moment.

"And I don't want to screw this up." She continued when I didn't say anything and slowly released my hands. "You're the first person I've ever felt comfortable with. I haven't felt this before, not even with Quinn. I mean, she was my closest friend but I haven't been this... this... happy and confident and real. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to lose you."

"What do you mean?"

"I like you, Britt. I like having you around because you make me feel like I can be myself and I can have fun without wanting to pretend. Everything just feels so easy when you're with me."

"I like you too, Santana."

"No, you don't understand. I like you. But I can't afford to lose you."

I realized what she meant. I haven't given it any thought before but now that I think about it, I knew I like Santana too. And this was certainly not on any friendship or platonic level.

I moved beneath her and sat up so we were both facing each other in a much comfortable way. She was still sitting atop of me though because I held her in place. My hands were both on her hips.

"Oh, San. Believe me when I say it that I like you too and I don't want to mess anything up between us either." She averted her eyes from me. I didn't know if she was embarrassed or hurt or relieved at what I've said. "Tell you what... I know that we've kissed and stuff but if you don't want it to mean anything, then we don't have to make a big deal about it. We don't have to talk about it... and we don't have to do it again if that'll make you feel alright." I explained to her. Because to be honest, I really did want her to feel okay about us and the stuff in between. I was kinda hoping that she wouldn't agree with the last thing that I've said though. But, if she doesn't want it anymore, then I'd be fine with it as long as I have her in my life.

For the short time that I've known her, I knew that she's really special and that I've bonded with her more than I ever did with anyone else. I may not have any stable relationships in the past that could compare to this, but I'm certain that she's the one I don't want to lose ever. Be it friends or more than that, I'd take it any day without a doubt.

"It does mean something to me though. And I can't pretend that I didn't like it. I love spending time with you because you're my favorite person in the whole world next to my mom. But, I just couldn't handle to be with anyone else yet if this would ever reach that point, that is." I felt the sincerity in her voice. It was pained and even though she didn't show too much emotion, I've felt it.

"I don't think I could handle to be with anyone else as well." I assured her. "We've got too much on our plates already." I half-heartedly laughed to try to cheer her up but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm really sorry. This... I'm such idiot." Santana covered her face with both of her hands to mask her frustration.

I reached for them. "You are not. Look, let's not torture ourselves about this. It won't happen again. At least not until we're sure why it's happening." Santana didn't budge. "Come on." I pouted and gave her the most pitiful puppy look I could muster. And it worked. She sighed as she squeezed my hands.

"But -"

"Ssh... let's talk about it some other time. I'm tired. Do you still want to watch the movie?" I quickly changed the topic to lessen her frustration.

She moved away from me, I almost pouted again at the loss of contact but stopped myself as it was for the better. "Nah, I think it's already finished and I can't remember the part where we stopped watching it."

"Okay." I yawned as she completely moved away from me to place her laptop back on her desk. I turned off the lamp near me as she went back to bed.

We said our good nights and just like before and cuddled.

I lay still for a few minutes. We sure have a lot to think about. "Mine is yellow." I whispered and finally drifted off to sleep.

...

Santana drove me home the next morning since she's also on her way to work. My shift doesn't start after two hours, but I convinced her that I wanted to get to work early too, well a little too early. I didn't want to take my dad's car just in case he has something much more important to do.

"I'll just grab something more suitable for work and I'll be out as fast, promise." I raised my left hand and gestured a cross in my heart. She laughed at me.

"First of all, use this other hand." She pointed to my right hand. "To make promises. And secondly, we have time. We left a little early since I didn't want to have breakfast with dad in case it gets too awkward again and he starts to ask a lot of questions." Santana assured me.

"Well, do you want to head inside? Maybe we can find something to eat. My dad prepares breakfast though I don't know why he always does it. It's just the two of us and he doesn't need to do that." I frowned. I then tried to search for my phone to look at the time but then I realized that it's dead and I forgot my charger in my room. "Shoot! I also need to get my charger. Come on." I pushed her playfully out of her side of the car as I quickly got out too.

We walked back towards the house and saw that my dad's car was still there.

"My dad's running late today I guess." I told Santana as she followed my vision to my dad's car.

"Why does he even go to work on Saturdays? That's just like... super exhausting or something. Imagine if we would have to go to school six days a week. Oh, gosh! That would be super frazzling. And imagine only having a day of break from Sue, jeez, it's suicide." Santana rolled her eyes while I laughed at her antics.

"Well, why do you work on Saturdays? Shouldn't you be having some chill time away from school or stress?" I glanced at her as we ascended the porch steps.

"I need to save some money so I don't have to be super dependent on my parents. Plus, what would I do if I stay in the house? Spend time with Tia or my dad? Yeah, no."

"By the way, how's your mom?" I asked before we went inside.

Santana shrugged before she answered. "Same." I noticed that she was surprised that I asked. Her expression instantly hardened. I took her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"Do you wanna visit her after work?" I offered.

She looked at me for a few seconds with an unreadable expression. "I think I'd like that." She then smiled warmly at me. I internally sighed.

"Alrighty!" I chirped and finally opened the front door. I was about to greet my dad since I saw him first in the living room. He turned around and what I saw next stopped me. "Mom?"

We looked at each other for a few seconds before I realized that she has already made her way in front of me. Before I could even process everything, I felt a sting on my cheeks. "Where have you been?" She asked furiously. I was shell-shocked to say the least. I was about to reply when she slapped me again. This time, I felt someone pulled me back as dad get in between us. Then Santana came in front of me, shielding me from her as well. "Where the hell have you been?" She raised her voice as my dad tried to calm her down. "I've been trying to call you! I messaged you for like a hundred times but you never replied! Don't you know how worried I am?" She continued shouting.

"Susan!" My said sternly. This was the first time I heard him use that tone.

"And who are you?" This time, her anger was directed at Santana.

"Susan, calm down. I told you she's with her friend."

"You allow her to go anywhere?" My mom disbelievingly said. "Who do you think you are?"

"Santana, please take Brittany up to her room." He said without looking at us. His tone was flat but stern and it sent shivers through my body.

Santana hastily pulled me without saying anything. Once in my room, she locked the door then hugged me tight. It was brief then she looked at me and my reddening cheek. "Oh my gosh, Britt, you're bleeding. Dammit!"

She directed me to my bed and told me to sit. I did everything she asked me to without saying anything. For a while she disappeared. I didn't know how to process this. My mom was here. But why is she here? Sure, I didn't often reply to her messages but it's only fair since she left me here without even asking if I wanted it.

"Britt, this may sting a little, okay?" Santana brought me out of my thoughts as she knelt down in front of me. Then, I felt a damp cloth brushed on my cheek. "There's a small scratch here." Santana whispered.

"She's not usually like this." I said. My voice cracked accidentally as my throat constricted.

"Britt - "

"You shouldn't have met her like this." I blurted. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No!" She said firmly. "Don't apologize. Nothing that has happened is your fault."

"I just feel so stupid."

"Ssshhh... Britt, come on. Don't say that."

"I'm sorry... I'm just so sorry."

"No, I said don't apologize." She stood up and sat beside me. "Come here." Santana then pulled me in for a hug, that's when tears finally fall. She let me cry for God knows how long. She just held me and continued rubbing my back. I felt everything all at once. I felt hurt for what my mom did. I felt angry for maddening my dad. I felt embarrassed for having Santana witness something like this. I felt stupid for letting all this happen. "It's not your fault." Santana repeated over and over but the voices in my head were louder. I just wanted to stop feeling and thinking.

I don't want to be here.

I want to stop hurting.

Sorry for the slow update and thanks for all the reviews and suggestions I got last time. Please let me know how this goes. Xxx