There is no chapter, take off your clothes

Come on, I wanna see some skin before I give you anything else

I do not own the works of Kinoko Nasu

P.S. give this here chap another looksee if you know what good for ya, capiche?

What It Means to Be Family

Wails and pleas to be saved came from all directions with an intensity that seemed to match the flames and destruction of the hellish landscape; to any human, such a sight would tear away any sort of rational thought and leave them frozen in awe of the tragedy before them. Such things were ignored however by those who had transcended or, in this case, shed the binding of humanity and became something more. To a realized magus, no matter the road they took, the culmination of their efforts always led to this crossroad; to reject their desires, the true distinction humans had over all other beasts, and give up their whole being to reach the Root or to turn back and live unfulfilled once more.

To one who had given up everything and more long before, the environment before him only excited him further.

"To think that such an insignificant thing would have caused this much hysteria, heh. Truly the Einzbern are masters of creation, of their tools and their own undoing."

Matou Zouken walked unburdened through the chaos around him, making his way to where the Fourth Heaven's Feel climax occurred. The old magus had witnessed the whole war unfold before him and this one, much like the three before, ended with the destruction of the Lesser Grail. However, there was one distinct difference between this instance and all others, the grail was broken to pieces after it had received the necessary magical energy to serve its purpose. And that had tied in with another never observed phenomenon, the destruction and death lain bare on what used to be the residential area of Shinto caused singlehandedly by a heroic spirit within the grail. One that had remained unsummoned throughout the entirety of the conflict and something that should be impossible if not for the Einzbern's choice of combatant the war prior.

Angra Mainyu, the Avenger class servant championed by the family of homunculi those sixty years ago.

By its will, its desire, all this devastation took place. And it continued, cursed mud still lingering staining the soil, the world in its depravity. But this was the chance that Zouken was waiting on.

This whole war was a farce, all pieces on a board that moved accordingly to the machinations of the wizened Matou. It mattered not who fought who, who lived and who died, or even whose hand destroyed the grail; all that mattered was each piece played its part in the end and now he would walk away with the victory.

Reaching the spot where the Fuyuki Civic Center once stood, the magus raised his arms, willing his familiars to action. Worms pooled out from underneath his black robes at his feet and spread out in all directions like they were shot from a gun, searching all over for the spoils of war. Over and under the rubble, all around the urban wasteland, the foul creatures scavenged with one goal in mind but that didn't stop them from feasting on those poor souls that lay dying in their path. Cries of pain and misery once quieted by the certainty of death now sounded once more as death throes.

Just as suddenly as the worms were sent out, they returned with their prize; shards of the Lesser Grail. Though, the fragments looked much different than the grail had in the first instance of the Heaven's Feel ritual. Where it had shone like gold, the very image of purity even as it cracked and shattered, these were caked in the mire of Angra Mainyu, pieces jagged and devoid of anything that could be called holy.

From here, the epicenter of this hell, only the sounds of strife and the crackle of flames could be heard but an unfitting noise broke through, seemingly smothering all else with its harsh rattle.

Zouken's hunched frame shook as laughter burst forth from his lips, eyes lit with jubilation.

"At last, at long last, my ambition is in reach. All these years gone by, but it is finally in my grasp!"

To banquet and rejoice in spite of such infernal circumstances; such a thing could have never been human in the first place.

Eyes that were closed in a dream now shot open and the world returned from 1994 back to 1999.

Shinji stared up at his ceiling and sighed. New day, same old restless nights.

The boy tossed off his covers with a shake of his head and began to get ready for the day ahead.

April 8th 1999

The Matou heir pulled the laces on his shoes tight, making sure they were fastened securely to his feet before standing up straight and calling out to the upper story of the manor.

"Sakura, I'm heading out. I'd rather you weren't late during your first week of the school year so either get a move on or just stay home."

Shinji knew he was being cruel for no reason. Sakura hadn't gotten much sleep last night, for obvious reasons, and as such was running late in her morning preparations. And he knew that even the implication of being forced to stay in the manor would give the girl even more motivation to hurry up. But it really was in her best interest, it would be bad for her if there was any suspicion put on her or the household this early in the school year.

Grandfather was already fed up with the situation regarding Father so anything more would just be adding fuel to an already roaring inferno.

"W-wait, Nii-san! I'm almost there!"

Glancing up at the staircase, Shinji was rewarded with the sight of Sakura stumbling down the steps, skipping two to three in a brilliant show of uncoordinated luck. The purplette had managed to stick the landing perfectly, her chest heaving and hair wild.

Shinji studied her appearance for a moment, the girl having sloppily donned her school's uniform. Her upper half was fitted in a white collared blouse with a red ribbon, detailed with golden trim and crosses on the ends, that sat right under her neck. The sleeves, while being obscured by the brown blazer, were short, poofy, and styled with a notch and brown trim, ending a little under the halfway point of her arm and elbow. From the waist down, Sakura wore a black skirt that rested mid-thigh, surprisingly conservative in comparison to the rest of the students from her elementary, as well as calf length socks and brown loafers. The look was capped off aptly with the mention of her headwear, a poofy brown sailor's cap; it needed no mention but Sakura had her pink ribbon on in her hair as always.

All in all, the girl looked like she was in a slice of life/magical girl anime but really in such a world with sorcery and psychics, who in the world would be bored enough to throw mahō shōjo into the mix as well?

Shaking his head to dispel these foolish thoughts, Shinji went out the front door with Sakura following closely and called back into the manor, "Grandfather, we are off."

The only reply came from the door slamming itself shut.

Sakura turned to him, not quite looking the teenager in the eyes. "Grandfather really is in a bad mood, Nii-san."

The boy kept his gaze on the closed door for a moment longer than necessary before shrugging. "Yeah, he is but it's not like it's gonna be like this for much longer. With luck, this whole ordeal will be over soon and we can all move on."

"Nii-san…" Sakura's voice had a pitiful whine to it and in any other circumstance, Shinji would chastise her for it but he understood. After all, she was only upset on someone else's behalf.

Shinji very lightly, and even more briefly, nudged the girl's back. "Come on Sakura, it's already a quarter past seven and you need to grab breakfast from the cafeteria."

Sakura nodded silently and followed close behind.

The girl had grown a lot in the past five years, going from a little under four feet to right around four and a half feet. Of course, that wasn't where she had shown the most growth, her studies for one were exceptional for someone who had missed out on one full year of schooling prior to the end of the fourth Heaven's Feel. When necessary both Zouken and Shinji aided the girl in her homework but for the most part, Sakura was diligent enough in her studies by herself. The girl was really coming up on her own despite her unique circumstances.

There were a few children here and there that were also on the way to Sakura's school, the ones behind seemingly falling in line with Sakura, with Shinji as the defacto human train conductor. This had been a common occurrence ever since the parents in the neighborhood had noticed the two walking together every day and had thought the boy to be responsible enough to lead their kids as well. Nowadays, once the pair came into view, mothers could be seen fussing over their children's uniforms and lunches before sending the kid off as Shinji and Sakura passed by their homes.

For the past four years, both Shinji and Sakura attended the same school, the Homurahara Academy Elementary School Division*, but with the start of the new school year, Shinji had moved up to the Homurahara Academy Junior High School Division* as a first-year. The two really had never interacted with each other in the school itself, instead spending time on their lonesome rather than eating lunch together or hanging out with their peers. Though Shinji loathed to say it, both he and Sakura were alike in more ways than one.

Shinji was quite literally pulled from his thoughts, Sakura gently tugging on the boy's sleeve before stepping in front of him. "Nii-san, we've arrived at our- er my school. Thank you for coming with me."

With that, the girl went into the front gates of the elementary school, the train now following the shorter Matou.

"Idiot, it's on the way to mine." Shinji muttered under his breath but waved once to her as a reflex. He watched as she and the other elementary students disappeared through the school's entrance before continuing on his way.

The first-year fished in his bag/satchel thing for Grandfather's ancient leather-bound notebook, legitimately chagrined that the boy could no longer use a randoseru like Sakura anymore; the bags from elementary school just had more volume than these "adult bags". Shinji knew that continuing to use such a thing in the eyes of his peers would only be a hassle but he truly despaired at how the world seemed to favor fashion over functionality.

Pushing all that aside, the boy opened up where he had left off on the old thing; a reread being a common occurrence for him every week or so. Shinji had devoured it the morning after he had first received the book, the night the world had changed forever to the boy.

Much of the book was filled with basic observations and rarely seemed to have anything close to concrete evidence to support its claims. It reminded Shinji of the many cryptology journals that were found by scholars throughout the years but dismissed due to their outlandishness. Of course, it goes to show how unyielding the world as a whole was to that which they refuse to believe; many if not all of those supposed cryptids did in fact exist only to the supernatural world in the form of phantasmals.

"Let's see here, where did I last stop?"

Shinji hadn't dared to modify the book at all, whether it be dogearing a page or even putting a bookmark to keep his place. This like all the other tomes and ancient texts that resided in the Matou manor were just way too valuable for that type of convenience. Finally spotting the page header that he had stopped off on, the boy resumed his read, unaware to the world.

Russian Folklore and Occultism and the ties to the Zolgen magecraft

As told in the stories that my father heard when he was young and his father before him the same, the magecraft of our family is one rooted in the claims that our ancestors were once incredible psychics whose innate ability allowed them to bind those of the Нечистая сила [1] to themselves akin to daemon possession. The Zolgen demon hunters supposedly used their own blood as a conduit, normally by slashing the palms of their hands or the tips of their fingers and flicking it upon the body of their foe. The psychic would then be able to imbue that same blood with a form of astral binding, subjecting the target to intense pain as the magical energy that it holds within is cannibalized in an attempt to preserve its life instead of being used to escape or counterattack. This interaction between Zolgen psychics and their opponents is almost exactly the same as Daemon possession though reversed, an interesting swap in the dynamic of predator and prey. At least in theory. While this does allow for mere humans to utterly cripple beasts and entities that are far stronger, it is not a risk-free way to fight as evidenced by the lack of psychics in the family as of now. And that itself brings much skepticism to this so-called psychic ability that only exists in stories that have been passed on from generation to generation. Still, it does bring to light how our magecraft possibly originated. Being perceived as "Binding something to one's self" from the user and "Absorption" by outside eyes, it does have much in common with the tales of the past. And it does draw an easy parallel to the affinity that our blood has with curses; I must study this further.

Signed, Makiri Zolgen

Shinji had almost committed the entirety of Grandfather's notebook to memory but he enjoyed reading it still all the same. It was one of his most precious mementos from the magus' past before even the Mage's Association, when he was still a child intent on learning everything that he could. Like it was a window into the mind of a less jaded and hopeful man, a stark contrast with Grandfather who now shared nothing but his disdain of the world and the boy cherished it.

Shinji turned the page and began to start reading once more.

"It is said that those most skilled in the Zolgen possessed special ey-"

"KYUDO CLUB IS LOOKING FOR MEMBERS AND- HEY YOU! OI BOOKWORM, DO YOU WANNA JOIN KYUDO?"

The thunderous roar of what could only have come from a supernatural beast who had leapt out the very pages Shinji was reading damn near shattered his eardrums. The boy fumbled with the notebook as it seemingly hopped out of his hands but managed to get a hold of it without any damage done. Shinji then turned to the source of the disruption and let out a growl.

"The hell are you yelling for, it's still morning, you idiot!"

The disruption in question was a brunette girl, though her hair color bordered on red, wearing the standard Homurahara Junior High uniform, long blue skirt down to the knees and navy sailor top but had two striking additions. For one, she was holding a rather large sign with "KYUDO CLUB" written in big red letters and it looked as though a strong wind could carry the girl away with a flag that big. Second, and even more baffling, the girl had black face paint streaked on both of her cheeks, adding to the sportsy look that she already had with her tomboyish looks. It seemed that there were quite a few other students advocating for their own clubs near the front gates of the Junior High but they seemed to understand social conventions well enough to not be screaming their heads off before noon.

Enter Mitsuzuri Ayako, member of the Homurahara Junior High Kyudo club as well as three separate martial arts clubs, all as a first-year.

"HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"CAN'T HEAR M- Forget it…"

Exit Matou Shinji, someone who could not be bothered to listen to a single word from her mouth.

The boy hurried past the rowdy girl, trying with all his might to ignore her booming voice but even still could hear her howling about benefits like a club field trip and the chance to see Homurahara Academy's impressive archery range.

The teenager let out an aggravated sigh. "We're only on the fourth day of the school year and I'm already sick with everything about this place."

The school day had gone by in a blur since the first week was just a formality to get students back into the swing of things after the spring vacation, only basics and reminders of things that were learned not that long ago. It wasn't like Shinji would have been against going full throttle from the get-go and having the heavy workload that was present during the weeks prior to exams but it really didn't matter to him. All things that he heard in these four corners were essentially useless due to the sheer amount of self-study Shinji had done ever since he had returned from London five years ago. Even after finding out about Sakura, the boy had found ways to educate himself further, juggling both knowledge of the supernatural and the mundane world to create a mind that could accept and adapt to both sides of humanity. Even though Shinji knew it was completely beneath him, the boy still relished the chance to gloat when his intellect ended up besting others.

Like he was doing now.

"It sure would have been foolish for anyone to have messed up that English tongue twister that we had gone over in class, don't you think Ryuudou-kun?"

"Ah ha ha, right you are, Matou-san! But I would also think that it would be unbecoming of an oh-so intelligent mind to talk down to others, don't you think?"

The two boys laughed woodenly together, teeth clenched and hands slapping each other hard on the other's back. Some students stopped and stared at the odd display but most just carried on their way, exiting the school.

Ryuudou Issei let out a sigh, his expression falling back to the disciplined look of composure he naturally sported as he turned to the other boy. "I suppose it'll be much the same today as all the other days, hmm, Matou?"

Shinji nodded with a full-body stretch. "Yeah, at the very least, your father and brother are doubly entertaining in spite of your total lack of charisma. Even the monks seem to have less of a stick up their ass than you, four eyes-kun. How can you expect to be the student council president if you are this dull all the time?"

Issei grit his teeth and resisted the urge to retaliate in fashion, instead taking a page from the students around him and heading off the school grounds. Shinji took that as a win and followed after the rapidly retreating temple heir with a grin.

This had been a common exchange ever since Shinji had first visited the Ryuudou temple at the beginning of the last school year, seeking somewhere, anywhere that would be free from the visions that seemed to cover Fuyuki. There was another reason as well but so long as it was a one-time occurrence like the white-haired red-eyed woman in Fuyuki's Central Park, the boy wished to ignore it for the time being. Though just like with the Lesser Grail of the Fourth Heaven's Feel, the Matou had no doubt that he would cross paths with it again.

After having these eyes for the past four years, being in the presence of ghosts was no longer an oddity. Now it was just tiring for the most part.

At first, the trip had seen fruitless, the sounds of the first Heaven's Feel happening just below Shinji's feet but after meeting Old Man Ryuudou and Reikan, the boy was brought into the temple and forced to have some tea, much to the dismay of the youngest of the family, Issei, who tried to explain that coercing a minor into a concealed locale was wrong no matter what circumstance. Shinji had then seen fit to ask if he should fear for his chastity, embarrassing the boy and leading to the two men busting out laughing. It was only once Shinji was preparing to leave when he asked the old man if there was any place that he would call untouched, which led to the Ryuudou elder taking the boy up to the edge of the temple's land to a cliff overlooking the hills that bordered Miyama. On this strip of land, Shinji, was for the first time, able to relax completely in spite of his eyes and had decided visits to the Ryuudou temple were going to be a weekly occurrence.

Ever since then, Shinji would go with Issei from their school to the temple on the weekend, to both enjoy the true silence, at what he dubbed as "his alone place", well as meet with the monks and the Ryuudou family. While the two older members enjoyed Shinji's presence and the monks had fun having another child to show their teachings and martial arts, the same couldn't be said of Issei. It seemed as though the two were oil and water, always trying to one-up each other and never getting along no matter what the circumstance. For Issei, Shinji was a rude, aloof braggart that could only find happiness in the misfortune of others while Shinji himself found the bland, by-the-books nature of the boy to be so blatantly cliché for a student council president-to-be.

To say the two were enemies however would be incorrect and calling them friends was something that they both wouldn't abide by; they just mutually tolerated each other's presence to take advantage of the benefits.

"After Aniki and the monks give you a beatdown, help me with the English homework, Matou."

"Just get the drinks and an icepack ready, alright Ryuudou? And your old man went over some katas with us last week but I still can't move my hips right before the strike so we're gonna do that after."

Shinji waved away Issei's offer to walk him to the temple steps, it was only a little after six so there was still light out. There had been some sort of commotion in the living area of the temple so Shinji had decided to cut the visit short and leave, catching snippets of the monks' conversations on his way out of the temple.

"The man… few hours ag-… with the clothes on his back."

"Apparently, he… over a hundred miles on foot… no family or place to return to."

"Ryuudou-jūshoku [2] said… staying with us… on his feet or decides…"

It seemed that there was a new arrival at the temple but it wasn't any of his business so Shinji continued on without investigating. He could just ask Issei or the old man later and if the guy was still there, he'd have a chat with him. It wasn't unlike Shinji to concern himself with things of this sort, especially when it affected the people and places the boy associated with, ever since he had actively become a part of the supernatural world. Especially since the circumstances that he had overheard from the monks did raise some suspicions of note.

But that was a problem for another day, Shinji already had his own share of things to deal with.

Walking through the torii, the boy felt the shift from being in the enclosed space of the temple's Bounded Field to the regular world outside. It had made sense that somewhere that housed such an important leyline would be well protected but to think that only this particular entry point allowed safe passage to the temple only heightened Shinji's respect for humanity. He had once asked Old Man Ryuudou about it but he had only grinned and ruffled the boy's hair before changing the subject to the story behind the yearly festival, the Ryuujin Matsuri.

Beginning his descent down the many steps of the Ryuudou temple stairway, Shinji thought back to how much had changed over the past five years in his life. Since the secret was out, Zouken had seen no need to hide the fact that Sakura was being trained with crest worms and now the girl could be taken at any time of the day to the basement. Shinji hadn't gotten angry at his grandfather any time after the night he had found out due to one simple fact, Sakura herself hadn't spoken out, still accepting resistance was futile yet not believing it herself. There were many things that Shinji could tolerate but two things that he could not stand were hypocrites and liars and Sakura managed to be both quite easily. He knew that there were greater sins, hell him standing by as something like this happened to a young girl was one sin he himself was committing but the fact that the girl seemed incapable of trying to save herself disgusted the boy. The two of them were dealt a shit hand by life and it was up to them to make the best of it.

To the outsider looking in, Shinji was just as bad as his grandfather, and to be honest, the boy accepted that wholeheartedly but they were of magus blood. Conventional family values meant nothing to them if there weren't results being made from being tender and cozy together; a magus's only goal was to further the study done by their bloodline until it culminated into a path to the Root. Sure, there were magus families that cared more for their bonds than anything else but none of their names stood the test of time, all of them fell to ruin or just faded out without even a whimper. Only those bold enough to challenge the definition of what it meant to be a human had a place in history and of the three founding families, the Matou were the ones that pushed the boundary the furthest.

The boy now made his way past the Homurahara Academy, though it seemed to be empty of everyone other than the staff and continued on.

Shinji himself had changed quite a good deal, standing a few inches taller than Sakura but still needing to look up at Issei at four feet eight inches. The boy had begun to grow out his hair, the longest parts now reaching the back of his neck, and kept it slicked back but a few stubborn strands still hung down onto his face. The black Junior High uniform gave the boy the look of being some sort of thug or delinquent but those in his class knew that was farther from the truth. The thing that had changed the most however was Shinji's face. Years after being able to see things best left forgotten had given the boy a resting scowl at all times and the rest of the boy's face was always tight as though he was anticipating something everyone else couldn't see. It also didn't help that the shadows under his eyes were now a mainstay of his appearance due to both his insane studying habits and the dreams that plagued the boy.

Now making it to Mount Miyama, Shinji glanced at the stores that lined the shopping strip and stopped once he had found one in particular. The flower shop was one place that the boy had found himself visiting often as his studies had shifted from magecraft to more accessible fields, like herbology and alchemy. He was now a regular at the place, with the owners Kaito and his wife, Shiori often giving him discounts so long as he brought "his own flower", Sakura, with him every once in a while. Shinji grabbed a few flowers and took them to the counter to be trimmed and prepared. It seemed as though the two excitable owners weren't present as there was only a part-timer in the store but it was probably better that they weren't since they enjoyed talking the boy's ear off. Shinji paid and continued on his way to the Matou manor.

Even if there was much that the boy had learned, he had not progressed at all where it mattered. The book that Shinji carried with him every day had detailed the supposed feats that the Zolgen psychics had been able to perform but it seemed like these particular skills were only suited for opponents of the supernatural nature and nothing that would come in handy against humans. And it wasn't like there were any spirits or demons to test his ability on, though even if he could, he wouldn't for two reasons.

One, Shinji knew that the forest that protected the Einzbern Mansion in the outskirts of town was supposedly filled with ghosts but the chance that he would trip a bounded field and piss off the German homunculi was too great a risk. If there wasn't a consequence for trespassing on magus territory that would end with the boy's life then there were other issues. He would at least like to meet the Einzbern master face to face without the threat of being killed on sight.

Besides, encountering any more souls of the departed wasn't something the boy was too keen on doing. It had been terrifying enough just to see one so young and littered with horrible wounds, recognizing who it was was a whole other issue.

Two, and more importantly, Shinji couldn't manifest any sort of psychic power, from the book, let alone whatever other nonsense that humans were capable of. Try as he might, the boy had no luck at all with trying to train himself with no guidance.

But that wasn't where his problems stopped. Any attempts to use his eyes for anything other than unwanted visions bore no fruit though now he was able to control it to the point that the pain wasn't debilitating anymore. "Pure Eyes", Shinji had scoured the entirety of the Matou library to find even a mention of his particular affliction but there was absolutely nothing there. Even after Grandfather's assurance that he would look at his own private collection, the elder had not returned with any sort of lead though he rarely did anything other than spend time in his study and train Sakura anymore.

Shinji could now see the manor from the end of the street, only having one light on out of the many windows meaning that Sakura was in her room.

If there was one thing that Shinji could say definitively, it was that his eyes were key for his own desires. The way his Pure Eyes worked was relatively simple, if there were any events that had to do with the Matou that took place near the spot where Shinji himself was, the boy would be forced into a vision. Most of the time, the visions were of members of the Matou family, with Grandfather being the most prevalent, but if the people involved were important, regardless of if they were blood-related or not, they could appear in a vision by themselves. The visions had given Shinji much to think about and after the five years, still seemed to have an endless well of knowledge though now the boy found himself wondering if there was any honor to keep in his family. Vision after vision, day after day, month after month, year after year, there was no end to the vile actions that he viewed. All things that Shinji witnessed after the first Heaven's Feel ritual were things that the boy wished he could purge from his mind; death and depraved fusing together in an amalgamation of sins that could never be washed away. To think that at the beginning, when he had first awoken his eyes, Shinji had thought that the worst thing he had ever seen was Sakura with the worms but that didn't even scratch the surface.

The Makiri magecraft was terrible itself and as was its master, Zouken, but the family itself was cursed. That was the only explanation for the things he had witnessed. God himself must have condemned the blood running through his veins.

Shinji opened the front door to the manor and stepped inside, the ever-present rustling of Crest Worms greeting him. Though, given the low, agitated buzz that reverberated throughout the empty manor, it was clear the sounds of the familiars were less acknowledging his presence and more making their master's ire known. Exactly as Shinji had expected.

The boy made his way to his room, passing through the foyer and up the stairs before throwing open his door and entering. Shinji tossed his bag down near his bed and dropped the parcel of flowers onto his desk to experiment with later, stopping briefly to grab a vial from one of the drawers. Giving the desk a once over, he noted the time on his miniature clock read a quarter past seven. The boy left the room quickly.

With how Grandfather had been acting the last few days and how bad he had been today, it was clear that things were getting worse; everything seemed to be getting worse. Shinji walked briskly to the other side of the hallway, palming the tiny bottle in a practiced manner and entered his father's room.

Byakuya Matou was not one known for a strong mental fortitude or really anything that had to do with tenacity in the broadest of terms. In all honesty, the man couldn't be pinned to a single act of defiance or courage unless it could instead be a way to weasel out from his own pain or discomfort. It would be easy to look at the man now and only point out the shortcomings but life, and more importantly history, are more complicated than that. Byakuya had lived a life in the shadows, even more so than most of the Matou, his mere birth labeled as a failure not unlike his son. From the moment, he was brought into the world, Byakuya was reminded of his own inadequacy in everything he did. The gap between the birth of him and Kariya was the smallest possible, nine months, so the boy hadn't even begun walking before the rug was pulled out from underneath his crawling and he was forced to the realization that he was of no consequence to the Matou. Sure, he was fed and reared the same as his brother but the way Zouken looked at Byakuya tore at his mind and Kariya always seemed to take the elder's levity, in regard to him, for granted.

The two brothers really couldn't have been more different; where Byakuya was subservient and resigned, Kariya was insubordinate and passionate. Some of it had to do with their own personal disposition but a brunt of it had to do with how ignorant Kariya made himself to the magus world. With how the two grew up, it was impossible to completely shut out but Kariya had been determined enough to disown any and all rights of the name Matou the moment he could legally do and as in most things, his older brother had no such determination. Byakuya was skipped over by Zouken once he had seen that Kariya had more potential but that didn't mean that the patriarch would just throw aside a perfectly good tool so he was dragged into the depths of the supernatural at a younger age than even Sakura. The things that Byakuya had been told and what he had experienced as a child molded the man who stood by silently as he saw the five-year-old girl he adopted be violated by depraved magecraft; the sum of life without any comfort other than drinking to forget.

So, it was fitting that the man who would do anything to shy away from pain would live to the point where living itself was the pain. Mother dead before he was able to pronounce the damn word, wife… wife gone after the birth of their useless bastard of a son, and brother got himself killed the same dumbass way that he had left the family, with no goddamn idea what the hell he was doing. If there was any consolation, Zouken was right when he had taunted Kariya that year before the Fourth Holy Grail War, "That's right. I might probably outlive the likes of you and Byakuya's son in a distant future." He welcomed being outlived by the old bastard. His pain would be gone, his mind would be clear, it would be bliss finally, no matter heaven or hell. Anything was better than here.

Byakuya would finally be able to die, thank god.

Oddly enough, this room wasn't Father's originally. The room that was now Sakura's used to be his though the man had apparently switched rooms shortly after Shinji's birth. It was one of the rooms that were on the larger side in the manor, competing with the master bedroom/study but losing in the length department. Shinji had always disliked this room more than any other even without adding his father to the equation.

Byakuya looked much the same as he had been ever since he had drunken himself to a stupor, leading to most of his motor controls on his right side failing via the stroke he had received and leaving him bedridden. The was no indication the man had seen Shinji enter the room so the boy grabbed a chair seated by the wall and placed it near the right side of the bed. It looked like Sakura had already prepared dinner for him, as a tray of food and a glass of water sat next to the man on a bedside table. Shinji glanced over the man who had never once treated him as a son and cleared his throat.

"Father, I'm here. How are you feeling today?"

There was only silence. No different than usual.

"Grandfather seemed to be in even worse of a mood than usual due to your condition. Has he come to see you since the last time?"

Surprisingly, this too netted no reaction from his father, other than the sound of a heavy exhale. The last time Zouken had visited was right after the man had become bedridden a month ago and that had been the last time anyone had heard him speak. From then on, it was as if Byakuya was just an empty shell, barely reacting to even his own human needs like sustenance or hygiene let alone those around him. Ignoring the world outside his mind even at the threat of death.

The Matou patriarch had been in a foul mood ever since Byakuya had fallen ill since all affairs of the mundane world were handled by the man. Such things were now piling up and Grandfather's patience was growing thinner and thinner.

"If the fool has no more use, he should have good mind to find a hole to crawl into and die; even beasts know that much." The old magus had spat those words to Shinji when the boy had asked what would be done in the case of the bedridden man needing actual medical attention. "To be useless is worse an insult to our blood than a lack of diligence."

Shinji glanced at the window, the soft rays of the sunset peeking through the curtains.

"He has already given me most of the tasks that you had been taking care of, the most recent of which are handling the family's finances and those regarding the Matou estates, both Japanese and English. It's kinda surprising how much work he expected from you; until I had seen it for myself, I had thought you were just slaking off. Except when it came to attending to Sakura, of course."

Even though Shinji knew that his father wouldn't answer, it had become a routine for the boy to ramble at length, for no real purpose other than to provide an excuse for checking up on the man himself. Sakura had taken it upon herself to care for Byakuya, preparing meals for him in the morning and at night as well as forcing the man into the bathroom at least once a day so there really wasn't much else that needed to be done in regards to watching over him but Shinji had his own way of keeping an eye on his father's health.

The complete absence of concern from Grandfather was somewhat impressive seeing as the old magus had raised Byakuya himself but it surprised neither of the children.

"I'll admit that even as a drunk layabout, you managed to make it look easy juggling all these different things. I wonder, if you had taken a page out of Uncle Kariya's book, you could have been a killer salaryman. Though I imagi-"

"I'm ashamed to have even heard you compare me with that lowlife bastard, Shinji. Here, I thought you had respect for your elders."

Startled at the sudden interruption, Shinji almost dropped the small vial but managed to keep it in his grasp. The teen whipped away from the window, turning to the hoarse voice of his father.

With the last stretches of sunlight illuminating the room, the man's face, which was normally obscured by his curtain of hair and habit of avoiding eye contact, was unveiled and the boy winced. The right side of Father's face was slack, a side effect of the stroke, and bared no emotion but the left was stretched in a sneer that looked manic on the normally dour man.

"Father, wha-" The raised hand of Byakuya stopped Shinji mid-sentence.

"Save it, Shinji. It doesn't matter. Right now, I… I've got something to ask you." His father let out a weighty sigh, his expression staying much the same only the harshness faded off to leave the weary facsimile of a scornful smile. A more than familiar sight to Shinji. "Last thing I need is for you to mouth off right now."

If there was any indication of where this conversation was going to go, it did not show on the man's face. The teenager narrowed his eyes but leaned back in his chair with a short nod.

The man had turned away, looking out the window like his son had been previously, only showing Shinji the expressionless side of his face.

"I know your plans, Shinji." Byakuya began. "I know that despite what the two of us had told you all those years ago in that damn basement about you having no talent in that world, you plan to take part in the same idiocy that dumbass brother of mine got himself wrapped into."

"Yes, Father. I am. As the only blooded Matou, I have a responsibility to-"

"No, you sure as hell don't." The man's voice was measured, almost detached. "If there is one thing I can promise you, Shinji, it's that you of all people are not responsible for a damn thing regarding the Matou. Not now, not back then, no matter whatever bullshit that wrinkled sociopath is feeding you; not a single person has ever expected this of you."

It was somewhat comforting to hear this kind of cold, apathetic disapproval from Father after this long. Not like it was something Shinji had missed during these last few weeks but it was a piece of the boy's normal that had been absent.

"What, I'm not allowed to have expectations for myself? Sorry if I'm more ambitious than you ever were, Father." An easygoing grin found its way to the younger Matou's face. "And sure, you're right when it comes to you and Grandfather but I think it's a bit narrowminded to think that those that came before wouldn't want me to succeed where they failed. Especially the previous Matou masters-"

"Those poor bastards, least of all, would care about how that old worm managed to make another one of his own flesh and blood into a sacrificial pawn." Byakuya's gaze remained on the setting sun but he spoke in a familiar fashion, restraint slowly but surely fading away as each word passed his lips. "I know damn well that you aren't the short-sighted fool you're pretending to be right now, you're too much of a pain in the ass to be that simple." The man tilted his head towards Shinji minutely, his right eye falling upon the boy's form. "So explain to me why you, probably the only person who is actually aware of the true depths of that sick bastard's depravity; why the hell you would go along with his plans?"

Shinji held his father's gaze for a moment before turning his eyes to the ceiling. "...Never thought I mattered enough to you to have you ask about this." Byakuya made no attempt to reply to which the teenager snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure you don't care at all about my wellbeing so what's the point of asking? Why does it matter what my reasoning is? I'm sure whatever I have to say won't be good enough in your mind."

"You're probably right." He could hear the soft rustling of fabric as the man shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I answered your question back then when I had no reason to. Now's your turn."

Father's reasoning was stupid, childish even. Shinji had always known that the man was prone to holding on to grudges like every other Matou, even before seeing the past through his Pure Eyes but this was something else. His request had come from being an overwhelmed child, lost and desperate for some kind of answer that would justify being forced to witness the terrible past of his blood. Being tit for tat like this was ridiculous.

But not unexpected; Shinji supposed pettiness really did run in the family.

The boy resisted the urge to laugh and settled for just shaking his head in muted amusement. "It's really not all that complex, Father. I'm just doing as I please, same as you did and same as Uncle Kariya had."

"There doesn't seem to be much freedom in being forced to fight in a magus deathmatch. I'm sure that my idiot little brother would agree with me."

"Frankly, it doesn't matter one bit what you or Uncle Kariya think on the matter, there will be a Matou master regardless of anyone's wants and wishes. I only seized what I know is rightfully mine." Father's own expression seemed to be a good reflection of his own, the still present grin on Shinji's face felt just as bitter as the grimace that had sprouted at those words. "I've already had enough stolen from me, no way in hell I'd let Sakura take this from me as well."

It was a hollow victory but a victory all the same.

Byakuya's lone eye darted away, falling on the ground in front of the boy's feet at the mention of the adopted Matou before releasing another sigh. "Knowing that girl, I doubt she even cares about the war. Probably only thinks of it as the reason she's burdened with all the shit the wrinkled bastard has put her through for the past five years." The man's jaw tightened imperceptibly before turning his one-eyed glare back to his son. "Which makes perfect sense after seeing what happened to that fool Kariya. She actually understands how goddamn stupid that whole voluntary bloodbath is, unlike you."

"Believe what you want, Father but I'll say this now." Shinji leaned forward, meeting his father's unspoken challenge. "There's not a thing you could say that would get me to change my mind. Even without Grandfather's backing or the insight into the past Holy Grail Wars from my eyes, I would still become the Matou master."

"Backing?" An ugly, scornful sound erupted from the man as he laughed loudly, almost uproarious. "You call him grooming you to be his perfect tool, to use as he pleases then dispose of once you've outlived your usefulness, you really think that's his way of showing his trust in you? Like you're not going to end up just the same as Kariya? The same as all those other bastards who came before us?" Byakuya shook his head with a cruel smirk, his visible eye glowing with dark mirth. "You're a real fucking idiot, Shinji, believing a damn word that monster says."

Shinji's gaze remained unbroken. "A monster, sure. That doesn't change the fact that he's supported me this far. Or that he's family."

The boy's response seemed to shock his father completely still, the man turning fully to face him almost robotically with a look of complete and utter incredulity. "...Family? Are you really fucking serious? That- that's your reason?" Byakuya's voice came out as barely a whisper as if speaking only to himself, growing in intensity and volume as each second passed. "Did family seem to matter to that evil fuck when he tortured and butchered his own flesh and blood because they didn't meet his insane expectations? Did it cross his mind when he went mad and forced every Matou alive to bear his Crest Worms, killing all but a damn five-year-old, my mother and your own fucking grandmother, then forced that same child, barely holding on to life, into a lifetime of pain and misery as his heir, all so he could use her children as his sacrificial lambs for the next Holy Grail War? Do you really believe he was thinking about family when he tossed your own mother into that fucking wormpit, murdering her in cold blood just because her son wasn't good enough in his eyes?!" Byakuya's left hand shot out and grabbed Shinji by the collar of his shirt, yanking the boy off his seat only inches away from his face; the man's rage finally hitting its peak. "You really think the word family even means a damn thing to that fucking monster, after all that?!"

Byakuya's voice had reached a roar by the end, its thunderous echo resonating throughout the darkening room as his chest heaved wildly; the man's energy already spent yet even still, Shinji could see his father's eyes blazed just as brightly now as he had always remembered. When father and son had first spoken about her only months after the fourth war had ended, down in the basement when Byakuya had brutally revealed the truth to him, the countless times his father had fought with Uncle Kariya and the final time the two brothers had spoken to each other before the relationship finally fractured. That same deep, tempered rage that Byakuya had held from the moment he had realized how truly unjust the world could be.

Loss, from what all had been ripped away from him. Grief, the pain that plagued his every waking moment, and the scars that were torn open with every tragedy he was forced to relive. Resignation, the knowledge there was no fairness, no reasoning that justified the deaths of those he loved, the hell he was forced to live through other than the selfishness of one man. Contempt, at everything, everyone that could be blamed for how his life had turned out.

Zouken, whoever the cruel bastard created that damn godforsaken ritual, Kariya, Shinji... and above all, Byakuya himself.

For being too damn weak to stop a single thing.

Shinji understood his father, better than anyone else barring her, of course. Being able to witness a person's life through your own eyes tended to provide insight into their character better than anything else. Which made responding that much easier.

"...Well, you blame me for her death just as much as you do Grandfather." Shinji met Byakuya's gaze with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Didn't stop you from putting aside your own feelings and keeping that promise you made."

His father stilled.

"...The hell are you talking about, brat?"

"Despite being the reason Mother was taken away from you, you're still trying to protect me like she asked." The teenager knew it was due to the man's guilt at being powerless to save his wife rather than anything close to familial love but that didn't matter to him. "Like you're doing right now."

In the end, Byakuya was trying to keep Shinji off the same path that had led all the others of this blood to ruin.

He wanted to keep her son safe and for Shinji, that was enough.

The elder Matou continued to stare silently at the boy in his grasp before scoffing and releasing his hold on Shinji's collar, turning his gaze to the growing shadows on his lap. "...You know, I always hated that. Never did get used to her reading me like a book and when you started to call me out on my shit even better than her, it pissed me off even more." His voice fell to a murmur. "But I guess that's my fault, huh? Still haven't gotten any better at being honest like I said I would."

Shinji knew that last bit wasn't for his ears so he refrained from saying anything and instead sat back down in his chair. The teenager allowed silence to take hold for a moment as his gaze wandered back to the window, night having finally overtaken the sky leaving the room void of light.

An almost peaceful stillness accompanied the darkness, only the soft but everpresent chirring of insects could be heard by the two Matou. The twinkle of the stars in the sky, the gentle glow that shone from the houses throughout Fuyuki, even the streetlamps, every single source of light seemed to dim and fade as the boy surveyed the city through the window. Same as always when in these four corners.

The dying light and deepening shadows, the harsh chill in the air regardless of the seasons, the isolation that only those of a fading bloodline could understand.

All things familiar, all things that had remained a constant throughout the father and son's lives, all things that Shinji had already accepted the moment he had resolved to be the Matou heir. The moment he had understood the weight of responsibility that came with it.

"Still, I expect an answer, Shinji."

"I don't see the point in wasting my time trying to convince you, Fa-"

"That's not what I meant." The man put a hand up and cut Shinji off curtly. "It's not for me, you know as well as I do that never mattered to me. I'm only asking this now on your mother's behalf." Byakuya raised his head and met his son's gaze fully, with both eyes for the first time this entire exchange. "She'd want to know her son wasn't throwing his life away for something stupid."

Shinji stared back at his father just as unwavering as before though his eyes softened a touch at the end of the man's words. "Mother..." The teenager sighed, his gaze wandering back up to the ceiling. "She would worry about the two of us even after she's gone, wouldn't she?"

"...She was far better than either of us deserve."

There was no doubt about that, Mother really was something else. Even amongst the visions and the people Shinji had personally met himself, there really was no one like her; none as full of grace and tenderness as she had been the limited times the boy had gotten to see her. It made perfect sense as to why Byakuya loved the woman so dearly and why her death had been the final straw for the man before he had given in to despair. She truly was a saintly woman, a presence that never once should have mingled with this decaying bloodline.

And yet, she had been tossed aside all the same.

It would be a lie to say Shinji loved or even cared for the woman. Sure, she obviously loved him and was without question someone who would have been a stellar parent, even without the direct comparison to his deadbeat father, but at the end of the day, Shinji's feelings about his mother were the same as Zouken's. The woman had failed at her one and only task, to birth a serviceable heir for the Matou. Even with the boon of possessing a Sorcery Trait, she had been unsuccessful and instead brought into the world him; a worthless failure that couldn't even use the circuits he was born with.

Shinji had no reason to even acknowledge the woman who birthed him as anything other than a useless existence.

And he would have, blaming her for why he was born defective and wanting nothing to do with her memory, had his life not changed irrevocably five years ago.

The younger Matou grinned soberly. "Yeah, I can imagine."

It was hard to hate the past when it was a constant in Shinji's life. There was much worse done in this family's history than failing an uphill battle against the Matou's withering blood, he had seen that himself. It was impossible for the teenager to witness those precious few moments of his mother, ever sacrificing, ever serene, and only blindly fault her for something that had never been in anyone's hands.

Hating her for her failures would be the same as hating himself for even being born.

Byakuya winced at the edge of Shinji's vision, an unguarded look of grief sprouting on his face though, for his son or his wife, the teen wasn't sure. No doubt being thrown deep into thought like he had. Shaking his head to prevent any more distractions, Shinji returned to the topic at hand.

"Fine then. I'll tell you, Father."

Why he wished to take part in the Holy Grail War.

Byakuya broke out of his reverie and met the boy's eyes, though the air of melancholy around him remained.

"I don't like it." Shinji started, moving his gaze from his father to the dimly glowing cityscape outside the window. "How the Matou are, how they'd remained ever since setting foot in this city." It only took a moment for his mind to wander, phantoms of the past materializing before the teen's eyes; an everyday affair for the Matou psychic. "I've seen it, each step of the journey that our family took that led to the present. I know the struggles that were faced, things that were gained and those that were lost, what had to be sacrificed for Grandfather and them to survive; I understand, even if it's only the limited amount that a kid like me can come to terms with. And that's why I can't abide with how the Matou have wasted away." The boy's hands tightened in his lap, the one concealing the vial trembling just barely as the specters' faces became visible, recognizable. "I'm fine with being thought of as cowardly, being seen as the worst that humanity has to offer, being reduced to the selfish, short-sighted fools the rest of the world sees Grandfather and us as, concerned with the grail and nothing else. I'm fine with everyone else thinking what they will about the Matou." Shinji's gaze fell from the city outside, meeting the transient stares of his forgotten ancestors. The haunted gaze of the deceased Matou that had suffered immeasurable pain and were slaughtered like cattle before being left to fade away from memory. "But I won't stand for believing that myself."

"...That again." There was an exasperated gruffness in Byakuya's voice. "I thought I told you the dead couldn't give less of a-"

"It's not for them." Shinji's eyes remained transfixed for a moment longer before they flitted back to meet his father's narrowed ones. "Honestly speaking, I couldn't give a damn about our departed family or what they experienced due to Grandfather. Before I awakened my eyes and after, that much hasn't changed."

It wasn't right, disregarding the feelings, the burdens, those of his blood had revealed to him. It really was despicable, something only a selfish, callous bastard would do. But it was no different than what Shinji had been doing from the moment his Pure Eyes had first thrown him into these visions, invading a past he had no right in witnessing.

He accepted it all, their sins, their pain, their dying regrets. Because he was the only one who could.

But that was the only thing Shinji could do for them.

The man raised an eyebrow. "...You said that you felt grief for them before, back when you were a kid. Now you're playing a different tune, why?"

"I still feel for them, don't get me wrong. With how much of my time was spent back then unable to look away from their pain, it's not possible for me to just ignore what happened." The teenager chuckled lowly, gaze falling to his lap. "At least I hope I'm not that heartless." He shook his head and ran his empty hand through his hair. "...I've seen our family dwindle, decay down to this point, down to only you, me, and Grandfather. I know the names, faces, the lives of every single Matou that was lost, every single one of them burned into memory. And so long as I'm still breathing, I won't forget any one single thing about them." Shinji let out a deep breath and looked back up, gaze now sharpened. "But I'm not going to pretend that my goals are for their sake."

His family's memory was already sullied beyond repair, no way in hell would Shinji actively dirty it further under the guise of doing right by the dead.

"So, you're saying this is all for yourself, huh?" The boy's father sounded marginally surprised. "I'd be proud of that resolve if it didn't mean you're heading towards a needless death."

"It is all for me. This name, this blood of ours means a lot to me, I'm sure far more than it had anyone prior to Grandfather. The honor and history of the Matou lineage may not mean anything to him, you, or Uncle Kariya but I will not abide with it falling any lower into the mud. I will bring this name back, hell higher than its former glory. Because I want it remembered as it should be, as I know it to be. A history, a legacy worth having pride in." Shinji had kept his voice no louder than usual but there was a striking silence that followed after his words, bringing even the near-constant buzzing of Crest Worms to a pause. "That is my one and reason for participating in the Holy Grail War so you can make damn sure that I'm not going to die without fulfilling that much." The teen leaned back in his chair and let a displeased huff escape his lips. "And besides, I'm not the same as the rest of this family. I'm not going to value grudges over the final goal nor lose myself to my inhibitions. I value my own life far too much to let something like that take it away from me."

"Now that's more like it. Narcissistic without even a hint of remorse." Byakuya's sneer wasn't so much spiteful as this time it was oozing with sarcasm. "Guess even without the circuits, you're more of a Matou than I ever was. The old worm must be even more disappointed now than he had been at your birth."

"Must have skipped a generation." Shinji snarked right back. "You're lucky. Mother must've had a thing for spineless, mopey men."

Even though Shinji had replied with the same relatively "good-natured" ridiculing that his father had, he thought that he may have crossed a line. So it wasn't surprising that the boy had braced himself for the man's explosive reaction. Only not this type of explosive.

Byakuya burst into laughter, the uproarious, unrelenting to the point of tears kind, his frame shaking wildly as he lost himself to his mirth. It was surreal, watching as his father laughed to the point that he was wheezing for air. Shinji had never once seen him like this even when seeing the past through his visions, though he couldn't really blame his eyes for not showing him something like this. His Pure Eyes showed him the important bits through the Matou's history, not the small bits of humanity that scarcely made their appearances.

Byakuya managed to get a hold of his amusement, wiping a tear from his left eye. "Oh man, that takes me back." The man wore a smile that both didn't seem to fit and was completely natural, vulnerable to the point that he looked like a completely different person. "Kariya and I used to get in the stupidest damn arguments and without fail, we get to the point that we forgot why we were angry at each other to begin with and just say whatever we could to piss the other off. And most of the time, it didn't even make sense." His voice petered off at the end as he gazed past his son, no doubt reminiscing of his little brother and the rare fond moments they shared.

Shinji didn't reply at once, less because he wanted to let his father enjoy one of the few bits of nostalgia he had and more because he was still openly gaping at the man's fit of hilarity. He managed to school his expression to an at least passably natural degree by the time Byakuya had composed himself.

"So, was that a good enough answer for you, Father?"

"No. Sounds just as idiotic as I thought it was going to be." The edges around Byakuya's grin softened, the levity from before fully fading as the man met his son's eyes. "...But for her, I think it's enough. She always said she wanted her little brat to follow his dreams." It was still the same smile, exposed just as before, only colored with grim acceptance. It fit his father's face far better than any other expression. "And you said it yourself, nothing that I say will get you to budge on this. I've already learned my lesson trying to change your mother's stupidly stubborn mind, there's not a chance in hell that I'd try the same thing with you."

A sly grin found its way to Shinji's face as well. "Glad it's at least somewhat possible to make you see reason even if it did take you picking my brain for way longer than I liked." He raised his free hand over his head and stretched with a yawn. "Any more and I would have made the mistake that you were actually worried for me, Father."

"...You really are serious about this, aren't you? Participating in that magus suicide game and being Zouken's lackey, all just so you can achieve your own selfish goals."

"I'm no one's pawn. Not now, not ever." Shinji crossed his arms under his chest. "It's just mutually beneficial for both Grandfather and I to work together. I'm not blind, it's plain to see that he's just going to be using me as a ploy so he can secure victory for himself, the bait to his snare. I don't need you to tell me that, Father." He chuckled softly, tapping lightly at his temple. "Besides, not like that's all that possible with these eyes..." Given what he had seen of the past four Holy Grail Wars, it was impossible for the teenager to ignore his ancestor's betrayal of his own blood and the lengths he would go to increase his chances of success, even if it was only by a fraction of a percent. "I know that I'm just as, if not more, expendable than Uncle Kariya and the other Matou masters. I get it." Shinji let his eyes wander the room's walls, where the familiars were no doubt passing on each word to Zouken, before returning to his father's gaze with a dismissive shrug. "But, just because he's using me, that doesn't mean I can use him right back, right?"

For all his knowledge, or rather because of his knowledge, Shinji was intimately aware of how bad his chances were to survive a Holy Grail War, let alone be the victor of one. Even if he had usable magical circuits, even if he had a compatible and powerful servant, even if he prepared for each and every possible hazard and uncertainty; there still was no real assurance that any of that would matter. In fact, he had examples from the previous conflicts of how masters who had all that and more, yet were disposed of almost effortlessly.

So it was even more vital for the Matou heir to take advantage of any and all resources he had available to stand even a fighting chance.

Byakuya gave the boy a hard stare before shaking his head with a sigh. "Yeah, you're absolutely insane."

"Call it what you like but I'll do anything in my power to achieve my goal."

If that meant dancing with the devil, so be it.

"Even if this foolhardiness ends up killing you?"

The small tilt to Shinji's lips grew into a wide smile, the first show of true emotion he shared with his father in years.

"Come now, Father. You know I'm too stubborn to die without seeing my ambitions through. I refuse to die by anything but my own terms."

Byakuya's hands, which had still been holding the duvet tight, slackened as the man seemed completely taken aback. There was a moment of silence, where the now completely dark room lost all tension before it was softly broken.

"Hah, he really did take after you. That same kind of hardass nature that got you stuck in this mess."

"Father?"

"...Don't you worry about it, Shinji." Byakuya replied with a voice that was firm, sentimental almost. "Just... promise me one thing. Even if it all goes to hell, even if you fail, don't you dare have regrets." The man slowly reached out to his son with his left hand. "No matter what happens, live just like her."

Shinji opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on when he felt a completely foreign sensation on his head. He jolted in his seat again when he realized it was Byakuya's hand gently musing his hair.

"Do Mizu… do your mother proud, Shinji." The man's single blue-grey eye fell on his son and while there wasn't a smile on his face, Shinji could see a rare warmth that dwelled in his gaze. "And don't be like me or any of these other cowards, don't you dare break. I know you've got it in you to keep going no matter what, just like she did."

The teenager could only manage a weak nod.

Byakuya pulled his hand back and gave Shinji a short, slow nod before turning his back to his son and laying back down. The boy remained frozen, gawking at his father's form and what he had just done. It was more than unexpected, downright outlandish but Shinji couldn't possibly mistake the feeling of the man's gentle, almost contradictory show of tenderness. It took a while, more than he would like to admit, for him to tear his eyes away and get up from the chair.

It was only due to the fact that the Matou heir's fists were still clenched from shock that he remembered his main reason for coming into his father's room in the first place.

Shinji stood up and his father made no effort to even acknowledge it, keeping his back to the teen. This was probably going to be his best chance to slip it in so he wasn't going to waste it while Byakuya was unaware. Shinji took the vial, still kept hidden in his hand, and slowly began to uncork it while inching closer to the glass of water on the tray.

He was interrupted.

"You can leave the bottle on the table, Shinji. There's no need to dilute it anymore."

Shinji stopped dead and turned woodenly to his father's still undisturbed frame, staring at it in silent shock before letting his tensed shoulders fall with a heavy exhale. "...So you knew about it, huh?"

"You're damn good at alchemy even without having circuits. Managed to make it so the change in taste was near unnoticeable and the solution instantly soluble, not half bad." This time, the pride was clear in Byakuya's voice. "Glad to see there's at least a bit of me in you."

"You, a student of alchemy? Can't say I expected that, Father."

"Never did hit the books as much as you have but yeah. Trying to find ways to kill the old worm led to me becoming halfway decent at poisons and potions." The man let out a low chuckle of his own. "Didn't find much headway but the knowledge stuck."

Byakuya still made no move to face Shinji and didn't look like he planned to. The boy almost grabbed his shoulder to reason with the man but stopped and took a deep breath.

"You really sure about this, Father?"

"Now of all times, you choose to be indecisive?" Byakuya snorted. "It's a bit too late for you to pussyfoot this kinda thing, Shinji. You know this as well as I do. It's been time enough for me. You've grown up well enough without my help and I think now's a good time as any."

"I… I see. Then I guess this is goodbye, Father."

Shinji placed the vial next to the glass of water and got up from his seat, making his way to the door. The boy made to open it but stopped his hand right in front of the door handle, speaking aloud without turning back.

"For what it's worth, thank you. For watching over me and Sakura. For preparing us for the future." He paused momentarily before grasping the doorknob. "You didn't try to soften how harsh this kind of life can be, so thanks. I won't forget that, Father."

Matou Shinji exited the room, the final farewell between father and son.

Byakuya was left alone in the room he had shared with his lover long ago. The man turned to face up at the ceiling and grinned as well as he could. He raised his left hand upwards as if reaching for something unseen and spoke out to the empty room.

"I refuse to die by anything but my own terms… almost word for word, huh. You would have loved to see him now, Mizuki."

There was only silence to answer him.

"Funny, even though just a few minutes ago I couldn't stop thinking about how much of a complete fuck up I've been my whole life, now it doesn't really bother me anymore."

"I know you're uncertain about this kinda thing but don't worry. When the time comes, you'll know what to do to guide him, I'm sure of it." Mizuki turned back to him with a gentle curve to her lips. "You'll be a good father, Byakuya, I just know it."

"...You know, I always did wonder why you seemed so satisfied, so damn happy in those final moments we were together." The man's smile became softer as his raised arm fell, hand coming down to cover his eyes. "I think- I think I get it now."

"...Perfect, absolutely perfect. Just look at him, Byakuya. He's just like I had imagined. So beautiful, so perfect..."

"Even after all these years, even through death, you manage to drill something into this thick head of mine." Byakuya chuckled, a hoarse but unburdened sound, as the anger and tension he had fostered and held on to his entire life melted away. "It's a pretty rewarding thing, being a parent."

Drip

"Thanks for reminding me that, Mizuki. I won't be long now."

April 11th 1999

It was an extremely sunny day for a funeral, especially since the last few days had been covered in a heavy overcast. The black button-down Shinji was wearing was a little loose but with it being a new purchase, the boy wasn't about to gripe. This was going to be the first funeral that Shinji ever attended but that wasn't surprising. In the two hundred years that the Matou had lived in Fuyuki City, there had not been one single member of the family that had been buried in either of the two graveyards in the city.

Father was the first and only Matou to have ever have the honor of a grave.

Byakuya had passed away later that night after taking the entirety of the sedative that Shinji had left on his bedside table. Shinji had known if he left that room, it was going to be the last time that he would see his father alive. As much as the two disliked each other, he had never wanted to let his father's life end that way but… it wasn't his decision to make.

While the decision of Father's life or death wasn't in his hands, there had been one of Shinji's own making. To the Matou, the only witnesses of the deceased were the thousands of worms that would leave only bones in their wake and as such Grandfather had been against such a useless tradition such as a burial. The boy however fought with the old magus for hours on end refusing to relinquish the body of his father without promise that the man would be treated with dignity.

It would have been easy for Zouken to have just forced Shinji to give in by way of his familiars but even at the threat of being covered by the things and being consumed with the dead body, the boy still defied him. If it had been anyone else or any other circumstance, the ancient Matou would have called his bluff but the look in Shinji's eyes reminded himself too much of another defiant child from ages ago so he relented.

On one condition.

"The body will be buried in the cemetery on Mount Enzou, I despise Christians and my hatred for a false follower of the faith is even more so. Have those esoteric monks deal with it."

That had been the best outcome possible in Shinji's eyes since he knew that the Ryuudou family would treat Byakuya genuinely when putting him to rest. That being opposed to the cemetery outside of the Fuyuki church in Shinto, where the only available funeral officiant was a man that Shinji would never willingly get close to.

Kotomine Kirei.

Which brought Shinji back to his current situation, walking back from the flower shop in Miyama to the Matou Manor so he could pick up Sakura. Shiori had pushed her husband away, demanding that he make the best bouquet of flowers for the boy and had fussed over him herself. The motherly twenty-four-year-old was already emotional without any stimuli but after hearing that the young pair were on their way to a funeral had turned the woman into a clingy mass of limbs that was sure to hug your sadness away, only with the side effect of getting snot in your hair. Once Shinji had pulled himself free, he tried to pay for the flowers, only to stop when Kaito grinned at him with a shake of his head. The boy understood, thanking the couple and headed on back.

Sakura was outside the manor, waiting patiently but there was a hint of something just hidden from the surface. After living with the girl for the better part of four years, Shinji had begun to understand her emotions even though she rarely let them show and he could tell that bitterness was bubbling up inside her. Rightfully so but regardless of how Sakura felt about it now, it would be terrible for the girl in the future if she missed this so Shinji had revoked her right to.

"Come on, Sakura. We have to make the bus heading into town or else we'll be stuck walking there."

The girl only nodded, following dutifully after Shinji as the two began their walk to the bus stop. It had only taken a short few minutes to reach the stop and after another momentary wait, the bus arrived and the two were off once again.

It was half-past ten in the morning and the bus wouldn't arrive at the drop-off for another fifteen minutes. They would be late to the funeral but Shinji had wanted that anyway, it would be for the best if they were only there long enough to pay respects.

Sakura seemed to be keeping herself busy with surveying the passing buildings but she was incredibly tense, arms pressed to her sides and hands tightly interlocked. With each passing minute, the girl became more and more closed off with her face taking on that familiar plastic expression. Anything the boy could have said would only be for his peace of mind so he stayed silent, letting her fall into deeper and deeper emotional turmoil.

After what seemed like an eternity, the bus finally reached its stop and the two were able to reach their destination, the Shinto Cemetery.

There weren't many other people there, only a small group of adults at the entrance and a few scattered visiting their own departed. But none of them mattered, not to Shinji and certainly not to Sakura. Though, the teen could spot something that already made his mood shift for the worse.

"Hey, Sakura, right over there. You see where I'm pointing?"

"…Yes, Nii-san… I-I'll be back."

Shinji let the girl go, watching as she ran full speed to the grave he had singled out for her. He looked away, it wasn't his place to watch someone else mourn and with everything else Sakura had gone through, she deserved some privacy. And so his attention was switched from one Tohsaka to the other.

Rin must've noticed the two had come after the funeral had ended and had hidden herself behind the internal gates of the cemetery, crouched. Her eyes were trained on Sakura completely, pain obviously reflected on her face. She was so distracted; it didn't take much for Shinji to sneak up on her.

"Hey."

"WA-mmmmmm!"

The older sister had jolted upright but had managed to cut off her scream before any attention was drawn to them. Rin schooled her expressions before turning to the boy, ready to give him a piece of her mind, when flowers were pushed into her hands.

"What are-"

"I'm sorry for your loss, Tohsaka." The Matou began. "Losing a parent isn't easy and it's even worse when you feel like there was something you could have done."

Rin studied Shinji for a moment, her eyes meeting his then falling to the bouquet before moving back to his face."…I heard that your father had passed away during this week as well. You didn't have a funeral for him, you just had him buried near Ryuudou Temple, right?"

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was going to be worth the trouble of organizing such a thing so we went without it." The boy shrugged and flashed the Tohsaka a manufactured smile. "No worries, I know you wouldn't have come if we invited you."

The fake amicable air between the two was torn to shreds at Shinji's scathing off comment.

Rin's face was wiped of its polite school idol mask and she now looked like she had swallowed something disgusting, scowling with eyes fierce. Shinji's expression hadn't changed, still having the faux-friendly grin plastered on his face.

"Humph, I have no idea what you are implying, Shinji. If there was an invitation, I'd gladly show up to give your family my condolences-"

"That's rather interesting seeing as you've painstakingly followed the agreement that Grandfather and Tohsaka Tokiomi made, to almost an absurd extent." The boy put a finger to his chin and mused aloud, eyes fixed above like he really was seriously thinking about this. "It's actually really impressive, your ability to disappear from sight when I walk the halls at our school now or god forbid when we were back in primary with Sakura. If I didn't know any better, it's as if you're avoiding that poor little girl; almost like you don't care a thing about her or something."

"T-that's different and you know it, Shinji." The Tohsaka heiress' voice lost most if not all of its heat. "...It's not my place to socialize with the two of you. I know that, you know that, and Sak- Your sister knows that as well."

"Sister? I don't have a sister." Shinji cocked his head to the side like he was confused by the flash of rage in Rin's eyes. "Though it seems like you like to act as though you don't either."

The girl flinched and her face shot to the ground, fists clenched and frame shaking.

"How… how dare you? To reject Sakura for something that wasn't in her hands. You are the worst!"

Shinji ignored her and looked back to the grave of Tohsaka Aoi. Sakura was kneeling there, shivering and overcome with emotion though the boy knew even without her face in view that she wasn't crying. The girl had long since sealed away her tears.

He grit his teeth.

"To be this much of a hypocrite, man, you two really are sisters." Shinji's eyes snapped back to Rin's own, jaw tightly set as he pointed back over his shoulder with his thumb at Sakura. "She is over there, distraught at the death of her mother and the only person that could comfort her is hiding away."

"What would you have me do? She isn't a Tohsaka anymore. As much as I wish I could, Father told me to stay away for both of our sakes."

The boy gave her a flat look. "And you would listen to some fool who got himself killed after pretending to be such a wise magus? I suppose you think I should take relationship advice from my Uncle Ka-"

Rin threw down the bouquet and her arm shot out, grabbing Shinji by the collar of his shirt and roughly knocking the boy into the wall behind them, angry tears pooling in her eyes. It had hurt a bit, getting his head slammed into solid stone, but it was necessary. If Sakura was too weak to make the first move then it was up to him to force Rin.

"Insulting me is fine but don't you dare say anything about my father, Matou! He was a great man, a-a better man than you could ever be!"

The outburst only proved that his efforts were futile.

"...If only you had this kind of passion for protecting your sister."

Clicking his tongue, Shinji grabbed her wrist and wrenched her hand off his shirt. He wasn't so much angry as he was disappointed; both of these girls were too foolish for their own good.

He met her gaze again, only this time far less heated. "She still cares about you, never talks about it but she wears that ribbon every single day without fail. And I know that you feel the same way."

Rin looked away. "…Why are you telling me this? Trying to make me feel even worse after my mother died?"

Shinji knew that Rin was above making others feel sorry for her but that didn't mean he was going to let her throw a damn pity party to avoid what he was getting at.

"Frankly Rin, I don't care if you feel bad, not when you have another family member to turn to despite the way you're acting. Sakura isn't a Matou. She can act like one, look like one but I'd still never accept her as family. Not when she has one already, not when she silently wishes otherwise. She plays the part well but… it disgusts me. Every time that she calls me Nii-san, I want nothing more than to slap that faker across the face. I detest what she has become." The boy let out an exasperated sigh and ran a hand through his hair before glaring at the girl. "I hate liars, Rin, more than most things in the world but even I'm not that unreasonable. I could stand it if she was lying for a purpose, pretending to be what she's not to protect herself. But that's not it, she's just deceiving herself, living a lie only because it's the path others chose for her. And that idiot acts like that kind of life is fine for her." Shinji's eyes fell on Sakura once again, still huddled beside her mother's grave, and he shook his head. "Lying to someone else is one thing but to lie to yourself, that pisses me off more than anything else. And the two of you are masters at it."

Rin's face contorted in grief once more but Shinji had enough of this useless back and forth. It was obvious that there was nothing more to say, there wasn't a thing that he could do to force the girl into action. He began to make his way to where Sakura was but his wrist was grabbed from behind.

"Please… please care for Sakura." Rin spoke in almost a whisper, quiet enough that Shinji couldn't miss the way her voice hitched in her plea. "If you don't, there's no one else who can. Please, I beg you."

The Matou let out a growl and tried to shake her off. "I don't need to hear that from anyone, much less you. Now, let-"

"Does there seem to be a problem here, Rin?"

Instantly, like a gallon of cold water had doused him, all thoughts fled from his mind replaced by one single word.

Run.

Shinji jumped away from the source of the new voice, almost knocking the girl latched to him over, and got in a defensive position.

When he suddenly noticed what he was doing, Kirei had already begun administering first-aid curative magecraft onto Kariya's body. Carrying Kariya, whose condition had become stable despite in a deep sleep due to his actions, he left the battlefield, and left him in front of the Matou residence whilst stealthily concealing himself from public gaze.

First encounter with the snake

"Ah, that thing… Of course, there is no problem. You just have to come to the church at midnight tonight. I will make the preparation for you to meet Tohsaka Tokiomi then."

Deception *

Events that Shinji had only witnessed in visions or in his dreams now came back with the force of a train as the priest made his presence known. The boy had gotten a few feet of distance away from the man but that didn't make him feel any better; Kotomine Kirei was a killer, five feet or five hundred feet, it was no difference to him.

"The Matou boy, I wasn't aware that the two of you were acquainted, Rin." The man cloaked in dark robes stood between the two teens, hands out on both sides with palms facing outwards in a placating manner. "Now then, there is no need for such hostility on such an occasion."

"Like I needed you of all people to tell me that." It had only taken a moment for the Tohsaka heiress to compose herself, leaving no trace of the desperate, vulnerable girl from before. "Everything was fine until you stuck your head where it didn't belong, Kirei. Anyway, we were done talking, right Shinji? …Shinji?"

The boy hadn't let his eyes stray from Kotomine Kirei. Though he didn't want to admit it, Shinji was intimidated by the man's very presence. One of the three survivors of the Fourth Holy Grail War and one of the most dangerous combatants that even Grandfather had admitted would be a hassle to deal with. His skin crawled at even the thought of going up against such a monster.

He had to think fas-

"Shinji, what's wrong with you! For someone with no tact, you could at least pay attention when someone's talking to you."

Shinji was pulled from his thoughts when he was whacked over the head with a bouquet of flowers, the wielder wearing a vindictive grin. Even though Rin had schooled her emotions back under her everyday mask, the boy could still tell that what he had said was still at the forefront of her mind.

The two really were too alike.

"Ah yeah, sorry about that, Tohsaka. Well then, I'll grab Sakura and the two of us will be on our way."

Shinji made to leave, already turning away from Rin before she had even attempted to give her own farewell and making it a few steps away when he heard the priest clear his throat.

"I had heard that Matou Byakuya had passed away only two short days ago." Kirei bowed his head to the Matou. "You have my condolences, Matou Shinji."

The boy froze. "...News travels fast in this town, huh?" With a displeased sigh, he turned back to face the man, his mouth twisted in an unimpressed scowl. "Guess being the only man of the cloth here in Fuyuki has its perks, having the luxury of anyone's death certificates at arm's reach."

If the priest was offended by the teenager's tone, he didn't let it show. "But of course. As the one of only a handful of men who have the proper credentials to officiate a funeral in this city, such things are possible." Kirei gave a short nod. "However, that was not the case here. I had heard of your father's passing from Rin only yesterday while getting the final preparations for Aoi-san's funeral in order." The man then smiled, a perfect fabrication of the real thing only it was completely soulless. "I'm glad that you and young Sakura came here to support Rin on this difficult day. At first, I had thought the invitation hadn't made it in time, since the two of you were absent from the service but I see now there was no need to worry."

"What?" Rin looked legitimately scandalized. "Kirei, you sent an invitation to them? I thought I told you-"

"I'm surprised, Rin. I didn't think you so cruel as to take away that child's one chance to say her goodbyes to Aoi-san. She deserves that much at least."

Shinji cut in before the man said anything further, not because he was trying to make the girl feel less guilty. It was the flash of satisfaction on the former Executioner's face after Rin's expression turned to ash that pissed him off. "Though I appreciate the concern, it wasn't necessary. I would have brought Sakura here even if I hadn't gotten that invite, Father Kotomine." The Matou bit back a sneer as the man's gaze fell on him. "You know, with everything Grandfather told me of about you, he never did inform me of this awfully... considerate side of yours."

"Matou Zouken has spoke of me?" For the first time in this exchange, the impassive, collected expression of Kotomine Kirei disappeared and the man blinked at the teenager, as though he was just now realizing Shinji's presence. "I'll admit that I'm a bit shocked to know that he saw fit to talk of someone like myself to a child. It never crossed my mind that I would be an interesting enough topic to bring up."

"Really? That's odd, for someone Grandfather said he had a likeness with, you have a rather unimportant view of yourself, Father Kotomine."

The edges of Kirei's smirk hardened. "Ah, he said that, did he?"

There was no real physical change in the man, nothing that could be seen with the eyes but that didn't stop the chill that ran down Shinji's spine. It wasn't quite danger or a threat he felt from the man but there was absolutely no doubt in the boy's mind that Kirei had hated the words that had come from his mouth.

There was a beat of silence as the two stared at each other, only the rustling of the wind brushing through the graveyard and the soft, indistinct chatter of the visitors being heard.

"...You know about Kirei, Shinji?" Rin spoke up from the side, either unaware of the atmosphere, or, more likely, trying to prevent any sort of escalation. "I didn't think the Matou would care for such an annoying guy like this."

"Well, it's a rare thing, for Grandfather to outright compare someone to himself. He doesn't even do that with his own blood." Shinji's gaze shifted to the girl and he gestured to himself. "Uncle Kariya, Father, myself, not even once. So I had to know more about the guy."

Rin recoiled at the mention of the man she too saw as an uncle, though it wouldn't surprise the boy if her shock was instead due to remembering the man's state the last time she had seen him. Anyone would have been shocked to see a living corpse so he couldn't blame her. Her legal guardian, on the other hand...

"Matou Kariya," The way Kirei uttered the name was akin to how one would reminisce on a bottle of an old favorite wine, "it's been some time since I last had someone speak of that man to me." The vacant smile returned to the man's face. "I imagine Matou Zouken said much the same to you of your uncle as he did me."

Shinji crossed his arms and looked away. "...There was never much good spoken of Uncle Kariya at home, by either Grandfather or Father." The teen sighed and turned to face Kirei once more, mouth set in a grimace. "Not like I disagree with their feelings, he really didn't do anyone any favors by just running off like that only to return for his own selfishness."

A wrinkle formed on the priest's brow. "Own selfishness?" The man's shoulders began to tremble and a shockingly vibrant laugh erupted from his form. "Ha ha ha ha, You truly share the same vulgar blood of that wraith, Matou Shinji. A lesser, more empathetic man would see the wretched existence that was Matou Kariya and believe such a poor soul deserved pity for his efforts and failings."

The boy scoffed. "You are utterly terrible at compliments, Father Kotomine. If you want to call me heartless, just say that instead of placing me and Grandfather on a false pedestal." He combed a hand through his hair and moved it back away from his eyes before glaring outright at the man. "I'm not my uncle, I'm not going to fall for your honied words, Executioner."

"Hey," Rin's voice broke in once more, though this time neither male turned to acknowledge her. "Shinji, Kirei, this, whatever it is, needs to stop. People are starting to stare." Shinji could hear the girl swallow roughly. "...Besides, what the heck are you two even saying? U-uncle Kariya, wretched? Selfish? How can you say such terrible things about him?"

"...Speaking of such unsavory things to you, a child. To think Matou Zouken would involve one as young as this into his war games-" Kirei cut himself off and shook his head with an amused curve to his lips. "No, I suppose that much shouldn't surprise me given what that sister of yours has been subjected to all these years, Matou Shinji."

"Save the grandstanding for your congregation, Father. Neither of us needs you of all people to look down at us." Like hell would Shinji accept pity from some sadist priest that could only find meaning through suffering. "And I don't need you reinforcing this farce either, Tohsaka Sakura is not my sister. Don't you dare repeat that lie a second time."

The man's satisfied smile only grew wider. "Of course, my mistake."

The boy tore his eyes away from the sight with an inward snarl, shooting his gaze downwards to the ground before his anger got the better of him.

At this moment, second only to his desire to win the Holy Grail War, Matou Shinji wanted nothing more than to wipe that damn smirk off this asshole's face.

"Grandfather was right, you really are a dangerous man, Kotomine Kirei."

There was one, singular thing that came to mind for Shinji.

Kirei remained unmoved, only raising an intrigued eyebrow. "Yet you saw fit to meet face to face with such a danger, most curious..."

It was stupid, needless, and absolutely not worth the risk it created.

The Matou raised his head to stare back at the robe-clad man. "Though it's kind of amazing, almost a miracle if you ask me, how you managed to survive the events of five years ago completely unscathed."

Forget showing his hand, it was revealing the whole damn deck to the worst possible person.

"...I suppose I was one of the lucky-" The priest shook his head. "No. There was no luck in what had transpired back then, there was only what burned away and what still was by the end of it all. I lived because I desired it most."

Shinji understood all that perfectly. He just couldn't give a damn.

The teenager's head bobbed up and down in understanding, eyes closed in thought. "I see, because you desired it most. Of course." He nodded a few more times then stopped abruptly, meeting the treacherous eyes opposite to him with an impassive gaze. "Yet, that didn't save you from failing when it really mattered." Shinji stepped forward, ignoring the sound of shock from Rin, stopping once he was within arms reach of the current Master of Archer. "It must have been painful for you, heartrending even." The boy gestured to his own beating organ and mimed crushing it in a fist. "Suffering a loss like that to the Magus Killer."

The world outside Matou Shinji and Kotomine Kirei vanished.

For his credit, the priest didn't let out a huge exclamation of shock nor did he seem threatened by the revelation the twelve-year-old in front of him had witnessed the true end of the Fourth Grail War, not that Shinji had expected him to.

The sure smile had, however, fallen from the man's face.

That much was a win for the boy.

"Really now..." Kirei's eyes widened by an almost imperceptible degree. "Whatever do you mean by that, Matou Shinji?"

He was playing with fire, actively putting himself in unnecessary danger and spotlight but honestly, that didn't matter. At least, not right now.

The teen knew that this was going to bite him in the ass, no questions about it. But standing here, seeing the certainty, the infallible light disappear from the eyes of this bastard made it all worth it.

"Why, your mentor, Tohsaka Tokiomi." Shinji looked up at the man who had orchestrated the anguish that both Matou Kariya and Tohsaka Aoi suffered and smiled right back. "What else could I have meant, Father Kotomine?"

Silence reigned once more as the two kept each other's gaze, this time with markedly more interest and intensity.

"But of course." The priest's grin returned though it didn't seem quite so forced now. "He was a useful, trusting man, giving me the opportunity to participate in such an extraordinary event under his wing as well as providing me the outlet to understand myself truly for the first time." The man did a short bow of respect that would have been convincing had Shinji not been only a foot away, easily able to see Kirei's eyes remained open and trained on his own the entire time. "I have nothing but gratitude for Tokiomi."

"Interesting way of showing your thanks, most don't think to steal things from their benefactors. Even if it's gold and sparkly."

This time, it was clear to see the surprise reflected in the priest's gaze. "You-"

"Enough!" Rin pushed in between the two and shoved Shinji and Kirei apart with a roar. "I am sick and tired of the two of you just speaking nonsense." Her eyes blazed as she glared back and forth between them. "Ignoring what I say so you can keep blabbing at each other and speaking of my father like I'm not even here, who the hell do you two think you are?!"

Shinji hadn't been all that attentive when staring down Kirei so the shove completely blindsided him, leading him to stumble a few feet back and not be in the best state to reply. Kirei on the other hand, being over six feet and a good hundred pounds more than Rin, had no such problems.

"Apologies, Rin. I fear the two of us had become rather immersed in our conversation, more so than I had expected." The man's eyes shifted from Rin's irate ones back to Shinji's. "It's not often that I'm able to speak so candidly, even more surprising that it's with one so unremarkable."

Shinji sneered. "Yeah, up yours, fake priest."

"I said cut it out, damnit!" Rin stomped her foot to emphasize the command. "It's like I'm talking to bratty kids with you two." She let out an almost defeated huff but looked back at the two of them with the same flare in her gaze. "I'm not going to say it again. This day is in my mother's memory, I won't have two idiots ruining this for me."

"But of course." Kirei hadn't looked away and Shinji wasn't planning on cowering now. "It was an... eyeopening experience, speaking with you today, Matou Shinji. Far more fascinating than I had thought possible." There was no lie in those words, not with how genuinely amused the man looked. "Do feel free to stop by the Fuyuki Chuch if you wish to continue this talk of ours." The priest placed his left hand behind his back and his right across his chest over his heart, softly smiling at the Matou. "I'm certain that it would be entertaining, even more so than the council I gave Matou Kariya."

"...Council?" Shinji's frame trembled as all of the pent-up anger started to leak through despite his efforts. "Don't you try and feed me that bullshi-"

There was a tug on Shinji's sleeve, drawing the boy out of his rage momentarily. "...Nii-san, I've finished. I-it's best that we leave now."

"Sakura?" He blinked and glanced at the now unpopulated grave and at the girl latched to his dress shirt. "When the hel-"

"We should leave now Nii-san," Sakura's voice was soft but oddly firm. "Before Grandfather becomes worried."

Shinji was moments from tearing the girl's hand from his sleeve and blowing up on Kirei but stopped when he saw her eyes. They weren't wet, only slightly reddened; nothing that he hadn't expected. Only, as Sakura was staring right back at him, the boy was shocked by the intensity behind her gaze, the sheer determination reflected in her unclouded eyes.

It only lasted a second, before her head fell back down and she meekly tugged on his arm again.

"W-we should leave, N-nii-san."

But it was enough to bring Shinji back to reason.

The boy closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and sucking in a deep breath, before turning to a silently staring Rin, pointing with his head to the now shrinking girl behind him. "She's right. I think it's time that we leave, Rin."

"W-what?" The twin-tailed girl in question jolted at the sound of her name, eyes flitting away from her purple-haired sister and back to Shinji. "Sorry, I-I-" She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath of her own. When she exhaled and opened them again, the mask was back on. "Yes, thank you for coming, Shinji, Sakura."

"Thanks for having us." Shinji waited for a moment silently before turning around and elbowing the younger Tohsaka. "Oi, you gotta say something too."

Sakura managed to make eye contact with Rin for a solid millisecond before her eyes shot back to the ground. "A-a-ah, t-thank you, T-tohsaka-senpai. T-take care."

"...You're very much welcome, Sakura. You take care too, alright?"

"H-hai."

Kirei, surprisingly, didn't try to piss Shinji off with one last parting shot. "You are an intriguing boy, Matou Shinji. I can only hope to see more of this side of you in the future."

Shinji resisted the urge to spit on the man's robes and just gave him a wide berth, moving swiftly to the exit of the graveyard with Sakura in tow. But he stopped before he left earshot of Rin and turned back to glance at her over his shoulder.

"I meant everything I said, Tohsaka. Don't obsess over what has already happened, you can only change your future. The same as me with my father, I'm sure your mother would want you to live without regrets. No point in living for anyone but yourself."

With those parting words, Shinji left Rin and Kirei standing there and left with Sakura back to the Matou manor.

In the twenty minutes they had been in the Shinto Cemetery, the clear skies had become populated, making the sunlight weaken.

Sakura hadn't spoken while they had left the cemetery and Shinji hadn't seen fit to say anything himself. The two silently walked back to the bus stop and got on to return to the Matou manor. They had made it to the fountain in front of the front doors when Shinji decided to break the silence.

"I'll talk to Grandfather about postponing any training till to-"

"Thank you, Nii-san. You didn't have to do this for me, just the knowledge that my… my mother passed would have been enough. I thought I wouldn't feel anything but… I needed to see her there…" Sakura's head fell momentarily but after a deep breath, she stared back up at the Matou with that same look of determination as earlier. "A-and I don't need for you to do that for me, Nii-san."

Shinji had been about to open the doors but let go of the handles and turned fully to face the girl slowly, confused and only slightly hesitant. "...Why exactly? Last I checked, you understandably hated training. What's the change?"

The girl didn't answer right away. "...I need to be stronger, like you. Like..."

Sakura's voice trailed off but Shinji knew what she was getting at. Even if that idiot was god awful at caring for her little sister, there was no question that she was someone the girl looked up to.

"Be that as it may," The teenager gave the girl a light knock on the head, smiling softly when she covered the spot with both hands and peeked up at him, "you've been through a lot today. You can stand to push this new motivation of yours back a day." Shinji grabbed the doors and pulled them open. "Come on, Grandfather is impatient as it is. He'll want to talk to you about today."

Sakura nodded and the two entered through the front doors as the sun was obscured behind the clouds.

23rd of Ianuarius, 1547

This is to be my first entry in this diary. Mother had given me this early this morning after speaking to me on the topic of my place in our clan since I have reached the age of seven not that long ago. She had been meaning to gift this to me on my day of birth but finding spare bear hide for the book's cover had been challenging until recently. She parted shortly after telling me recording one's own experiences is a good habit to have and that it was a duty of mine to keep it up to date, as a showing of responsibility. I know that Grandfather and all the other elders also keep such things but to me, this seems a bit foolish. Other than myself, who else will ever read this thing? There are way more important things to be doing right now but here I am writing in this book like a fool. The Tsar was crowned only a week ago and was called "Tsar of All the Russias" and I hear that he is to be wed soon. That's all everyone seems to talk about, Tsar this, Tsar that so I know that it's important but for what reason, I have no idea. It's not like the last ruler of Russia had done anything of note so why would a man who took the throne at almost half the age that Grand Prince Vasili had, cause any sort of trouble at such a young age. With all this unrest in the family, none of the adults have had the time to assist me with learning magecraft though I am making progress on my own. With luck, I can begin to train with the family familiars soon and show Father how much I have learned. This should be enough for now, though I loathe to return once more.

Excerpt from the diary of Makiri Zolgen

Translation corner

[1] Нечистая сила means Unclean Force which regards to the supernatural world, Mages and Phantasmals alike

[2] jūshoku is a title that means head monk in a Japanese Buddhist temple

Translation finito

Hey now, I think I'm hitting my stride. Going from an update after four months to one after half a month.

This chapter was kinda hard to get out, not because I was struggling for things to put into it but more with how much to fill it with.

That and FGO, damn Skadi's arrival sucked up all my quartz. I managed to get her with only 4 quartz left (thank you EOR 10 quartz quests). I don't know if any of you guys play it here but here's my FC: 382,792,524. Don't have too many spots but I'll add you if you're a consistent player.

I didn't want to have a timeskip in this chapter and then stay in 1999 for another one or two more. I wanna be there in the action of the Fifth Holy Grail War as much as you guys do.

But worldbuilding and character development are kinda important too.

I'll address a few thing before I jump into your reviews and man, can I say thanks for that? 15 reviews for the last update? That's a 500% increase! Shit's wild so thanks all around.

* Now then, about the schools I listed. There seems to be no information about schools other than Homurahara Academy which is grades 10th through 12th so I took a teensy bit from Prisma Illya and now there is Homurahara Academy Elementary School Division, 1st through 6th, and Homurahara Academy Junior High School Division, 7th through 9th.

There were two familiar faces that showed up this chapter and while I won't say much, this is going to be a trend. I kinda hate OCs so if there is a perfectly good side character, you can bet your bottom I'll use and abuse them as I see fit.

I hope I articulated it properly but it's been 5 years; Shinji has grown from 7 to 12 and Sakura from 6 to 11. I also added in Shinji's birthday since there was no mention of FSN Shinji having one. His birthday is May 5, 1986, like EXTRA Shinji except for the year of course.

To get a good idea of what Shinji looks like now, take a look at the Type-Moon wiki page on Zouken. There's an image of what the man looked like before he lost his body and Shinji looks like a younger version of that.

I made it my mission in this fic to address the actions and motivation of characters that were tossed to the side in the source material and Byakuya Matou is one of them. In FSN and Hollow Ataraxia, he isn't even given a name and in Fate Zero, he exists just to make Kiritsugu more edgy and I didn't like that. There never was an explanation as to why the man never cared for Shinji so I tried to make a believable one myself, the boy being the reason for his mother's death. He loved the woman enough to keep living when most would have killed themselves, just so he could make sure the child she gave her life up for would grow up safe.

Byakuya still personally hated Shinji though.

Also Byakuya didn't get one of his hands shot off by Kiritsugu in my story. That shit is just over edgy.

And to those astute readers and frequenters of the Type-Moon wiki, you'd know that Byakuya died in 2001, three years before the story takes place but really the man served no purpose dying then so I changed it. Like how I added a date to Aoi's death, to just spice things up and mostly as an excuse to get Shinji and Rin alone.

I especially wanted to show in Shinji's interaction with Rin that Sakura wasn't just too scared or too broken to run away. Rin also played her part in being complacent with their separation and that's why Shinji cornered her.

Anyway, reviews. Let's hit it.

BlueCore: Thank you for the praise. Believe me, the sun will have to burn up to stop me from finishing one of the 39 (can you believe there's only 39 fics of best boy?) Shinji fics.

Mizen: I'll keep 'em coming.

runelt99: Glad to see that you're back for more! Hope I kinda answered your question but I can't really go much deeper than that right now. There will be more Zolgen/Makiri/Matou history as we go further.

FakerHero: Not gonna say much here other than the war will begin the same, masters and servants alike.

RayDjok: Glad I have readers that share my own sentiments.

Guest: I imagined that Shinji must have had a pretty rough life so abuse seemed fitting. I'm glad that you're interested.

tarrasque698: De nada mi amigo. Espero que también te guste este. (Using Google Translate so sorry if I butchered the Spanish)

TodayParade: Yup, I feel that "buffing" Shinji into a magus really wouldn't do his character justice seeing as it was that failure that led to his depraved downfall. I appreciate your enthusiasm!

downix2k: I aim to please.

Ragnas Bredvolts: Now I don't like picking favorites but damn it, if I said your comment didn't put a smile on my face, I'd be lying. Thanks for liking where I'm going with this and yeah, Shinji and Sakura's relationship is something I wanted to draw attention to. The two of them are of magus blood meaning that even though Sakura goes through some terrible stuff in her childhood, really that's just par for the course (I'll admit the Matou take it pretty damn far). I hope you have a GLORIOUS DAY TODAY.!.!.!.!.!.!.?.!.!.! as well!

Langas: It's easy to break the mold when there haven't be many Shinji-centric stories but I am glad that you like it so far.

Blackgold Night: I'm gonna be honest with you, much of the reason I didn't update my story for 4 months was because I was reading up on Hollow Ataraxia and Kagetsu Tohya. That and laziness. If psychics being able to perform magecraft is from Kara no Kyoukai, Mahoutsukai no Yoru or some other Type-Moon work, I haven't seen or read them yet. I will watch KNK probably in the next week but for this story, Shinji will not be performing magecraft, formalcraft or otherwise. I feel like it kinda defeats the purpose but thanks for letting me know!

Mokkel; One of the OG Three, let's hear it! About the changes they made regarding the OG visual Novel and Realta Nua, really other than Shinji and Sakura's relationship, all that other stuff will stay the same. Sex can still replenish magical energy and all that jazz. Main reason they kept it in the HF movies is because sex is kinda really important in the HF route of the VN, it shows sides of both Sakura and Shirou that none of the other routes do. This is a recommendation for any FSN fans, if you read the VN, no matter how cringe it is, read the poorly written sex scenes as well.

Hunger Man: You are preaching to the choir, my man! The fact that there was a Shinji route in the works but was scrapped is evidence that Nasu wanted to do more with him. I am gonna keep working of the foundation of the VN but expect more coming from Shinji and other underdeveloped characters. Also, if you are planning on posting your own story, I'd love to take a look at it.

And now for my final topic, the diary of Makiri Zolgen. The VN and all the side material that Fate has released still has very little information on the origins of the three founding families, so I added my own version to the mix. This will basically be an infodump of how I think the man who once wanted to create a peaceful utopia changed to be barely human, selfishly seeking immortality.

Damn that was a lot of things to say, but I'm done for now.

Hahaha, new shiz

I ended up adding a good bit to this chapter, both because I felt it deserved another go through now that I have a better handle on the story/characters and better, at least I like to think, writing ability.

The Byakuya Shinji scene got a whole new coat of paint with this revision, mostly to show a better dynamic between the two. Shinji in canon doesn't give a rat's ass about either of his parents and, while my Shinji isn't quite so callous, there are still sprinkles of that Shinji here. He's not at all quailed by the man after what he's seen and confronting Zouken as a child so it makes sense that at the age of twelve, Shinji still respects his father because of age and his position but has no problem arguing right back.

* The "flashbacks" Shinji has are bits from the Fate/Zero light novel, just like in the first chapter. The first one is from the third after Kariya is beaten and burned by Tokiomi and the second one is from the fourth right after Kariya gives Iri to Kirei in return for a chance to kill Tokiomi.

So I did a complete revamp of the church scene as well, adding a whole new interaction between Shinji and Kirei. I don't think it will surprise many to hear that I was honestly terrified of writing a single word regarding Kirei seeing as he's such a complex character and one that fans love to see done correct and hate to see done bad. Which is why I only had him appear for like a line's worth of dialogue in the original upload of this chapter. Not the case now, Shinji and the priest have a "we're being polite cause we're in public but I hate your guts" back and forth and I gotta say, I'm happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you guys thought of my first foray with everyone's favorite loli protector.

For anyone who thinks Shinji confronting Kirei is out of character, you have to remember that there's one emotion that Shinji places above fear; spite. Even when he was completely outmatched by Shirou and Rin in Heaven's Feel at the school, losing Rider and having Sakura refuse to fight against the pair, he still does everything in his power to punish the three of them by drugging Sakura. Albeit he's a coward there, running off as soon as everyone is distracted. Still, talking out his ass and poking at his enemy's sore spots is how Matou Shinji functions. Hearing Kirei egg him on like that would assuredly set him off and for a Shinji that has seen the events of the Fourth Heaven's Feel, it's no surprise that he'd let his feelings get the best of him.

And yeah, had Shinji reveal that he knows more than he should to a man who plans to have the Fifth Holy Grail War in his palm, no different than what happened with Zouken. It's both to add some more stakes/struggles for Shinji in the future as well as being something I believe would be in character for him, blabbing about things just to get under people's skin and to prove he's better/smarter than them. This action will have consequences.

Also fun fact, it took me over 4 hours just to work out the little back and forth Shinji has with Kirei before revealing he knows what really happened between the priest and Emiya Kiritsugu. Only 210 words yet it caused me that much grief. I wish I was joking.

I added a bit more with Sakura and Rin, mostly having to do with their reactions and physicality but they actually got to be face to (Shinji-shaped wall) face this time. It's both to show their relationship in a more direct light as well as how things have changed a bit with what I've added with all the other chapters.

Well, that about covers it, for the second time.

Remember to drop a review, positive or negative let me know.

Now I got a date with Umineko, so see you guys in the next one.

DSDAD out