Serizawa didn't know, exactly, what counted as a date and what didn't.
He was pretty sure that this was a date, though, because it wasn't dinner. They had gotten dinner after work before they were a couple, Miss Reigen and him, and that made him think that not every time they had dinner after work counted as a date. He had read that women liked to give off signals, like what they wore or how they spoke to you or a thousand other things like that, but he was not even going to begin to try and interpret her intentions by the color or her dress or whether or not her hair was down or anything like that.
Besides, she was holding his hand, so her intentions were pretty clear.
"…of course the dog wasn't actually haunted, he just needed a good wash and some belly rubs, as all good dogs do. Dogs don't need to bathe that often, a lot of people actually over wash their dogs, but you can't just let your dog live outside for years and never wash him. The poor little thing had such matted fur…" said Reigen as she and Serizawa made their third lap around the park. Not the one close to work, Ankle Park, because she didn't want to risk running into the kids while she and Serizawa were on a…
Date?
She didn't want to put any pressure on him so she had just been keeping it loose. Hanging out, as the young people would say…and so would she because she wasn't old yet, damn it. This was a loose, pressure free, walk through the park after trying out a knew ramen place and not drinking. Emphasis on the whole 'not drinking' thing. She knew that she drank too much, especially when she was nervous, and often times ended up making a fool of herself. Like last time when he had to practically carry her home.
Yeah, that was attractive.
She hadn't done a thing to calm her nerves, though, besides smoke a cigarette on their first lap. That was two laps ago and now she was babbling like a parrot on speed. He was holding her hand and nodding as she spoke and she knew that she had to let him get a word in edgewise but every moment there was a pause she filled it. It was a compulsion and maybe she should have seen a professional about it. Yes, a team of professionals. At the university level. Working round the clock on her and only her.
Then maybe she could find a way to shut her mouth and let her boyfriend get a word in edgewise.
"I didn't know that about dogs." Said Serizawa when there was a slight break in what she said. He hated those. He could never think of what to say fast enough and then, obviously, she got bored. That was why she kept on talking. She had to hold up the conversation for two. He wasn't anything close to the wordsmith she was and he hadn't had much opportunity to practice. Sho never gave him a chance to talk, he was still working on patience, and neither did the girls….and at some point his social circle had turned into his girlfriend and a bunch of kids…
At least he had a social circle, now.
Though he wished he had more opportunities to practice the art of communication and conversation. It was like she was a university professor and he was still on baby's first book of phrases. She was probably so bored of him. She probably had a million other men just waiting to be with her. He wasn't blind, he knew the looks she got, and he knew that she could do so much better. Even back at the ramen place she had been turning heads. Why wouldn't she? She was beautiful and intelligent and brave and nurturing, pretty much everything anyone would ever want in a woman.
And he was just…himself.
Awkward. Very awkward. His awkward self.
"It's ok, a lot of people don't." said Reigen. She had been about to launch right into a tangent about her brief stint working as a dog groomer in university when she finally stopped herself. Did he sound bored there? He must have been bored. Of course he didn't want to hear her recite one of her monologues all night!
It was hard when the guy stuck around.
It was hard when she stuck around.
Relationships were just…hard.
Even now she had no idea what she was supposed to do next. They had gone for a walk in the park, a date staple, and had done three going on four laps already. He must have been bored. He was so good to her, listening to her go on and on about nothing, and he was too polite to tell her to shut up. God, her communication skills were craptacular. She talked and talked and talked but said nothing. Not like him. He was always very deliberate in what he said. He always chose his words so carefully…probably because she so rarely gave him a word in edgewise.
She gave him space now, to talk, even though she wanted nothing more than to pick up that tangent about the three semesters she spent as a dog groomer that ended in her getting that scar on her forearm.
"Um….dogs are…nice?" said Serizawa, his sentence turning into a question as he got to the end. She was waiting for him to say something. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, though, that would keep her interest. She liked dogs. He didn't know much about them but he had nothing against dogs or any other kinds of pets. He wished that he had something interesting going on in his life. Well of interest to someone other than himself. Like that model he had just built. Unit 0 from Evangelion, a new collector's version. He had several EVAs, of course, but this one was a new model that they had just released and he had just finished painting it and it was drying and it looked so cool and hopefully it was done drying by now unless Sho tried to play with it again, in which case he would have to repaint the whole thing….
And she would have no interest in that.
Not because she was a girl, no, but because he was boring.
"They are, they really are. You know what they say, dog is man's best friend! Heh. Yeah…they say…yeah…" said Reigen. They had stopped walking again. They were at the park gates. She wondered if they were going to take a fourth lap or if his ears had finally gotten sore and he was about to head home. He seemed like he was just itching to get to someplace quiet…or just away from her. He was shifting in place and looking down at his shoes…
Of course this was Serizawa, that could have meant literally anything.
"They are….but so are people! I mean people are best friends with…people…" said Serizawa. He wanted to smack himself upside the head as hard as he could until he lost his memory. That was so stupid! How could he have said something so stupid!? Now she was looking at him and biting her lower lip and the bottoms of her two front teeth were turning red and for a moment he thinks that he's been so awkward that she's bitten through her lower lip from the sheer awkwardness of it all and he wants to do nothing more than to run away and hope that she forgot that he had ever said anything to her at all and-
"You're right! I mean, yeah, people are meant to be friends with people. I mean I like dogs but you're not going to see me in one of those point on laugh shows because I have, like, fifty dogs in my apartment or anything like that. Heh. Yeah. I'm not going to turn into a crazy cat, dog! Dog lady anytime soon." Said Reigen. She couldn't help it. It was like the words just kept on coming out like…word vomit. How could she have said something so stupid!? Now he probably thought that she was awkward and weird and if he hadn't wanted to go running home before he probably did, now, and it was all her fault for saying all of that stupid stuff and-
"Yeah, I mean where would you even put fifty dogs? I mean not to say that your apartment is small! I mean I've never been inside of your apartment before so I can't speak to the size of it. I'm sure that it's very nice and you could fit as many dogs in it as you wanted to. I mean it must be bigger than my apartment, anyway. My apartment could probably hold about five dogs at the maximum….or however many Sho rescues when he's done rescuing cats…which I don't understand why he keeps on trying to store them in my apartment when there are shelters…but he says that shelters are cruel and I guess that I believe him….I mean he would know more about shelters than I do. That's where his hamsters came from, a shelter, not a pet store. He says that pet stores are cruel too….lots of places are cruel I guess. I mean I guess Sho would know…." Said Serizawa. Well now he had gone from saying none of the words to all of the words. Great. Just great. Now she was probably bored that he had just rambling on and on like that.
He was bad at this.
Communication and conversation.
And also at having a girlfriend. She had obviously stopped at the gates because she wanted to go home. Her feet probably hurt, she almost always wore heels, and she must have been cold too in that skirt. It was kind of short on her….stop looking!
She's up there!
No, higher!
Too high, stop looking at her eyebrows!
Now you're making too much eye contact!
Now not enough!
Come on, Katsuya, nobody is this bad at standing around and talking!
Well obviously someone has to be and obvoisly that someone is me.
No. Too much negative self-talk. Remember that your therapist said. Try. Always try.
"My apartment really isn't that great. I'm sure yours is nicer…not that I've ever seen it but I'm sure that yours is very nice. I mean why wouldn't it be? I bet that you're, like, really neat. I don't know, you just strike me as a really neat person. I'm not. I live like a university student, a lazy one. If you saw my apartment you'd head for the hills. It's like my mother always said 'not even a farmer would keep a pig like you, Arataki.' Yeah, mom was…she never really approved of anything I did. Not that I'm all hung up on my mother or anything! Just….yeah." said Reigen. God damn it all to hell! She was worse at this than the kids! Mob of all people could have kept up a conversation better than she could! Mob!
She took a breath as she reached the end of what she said. He was looking at her with a look of…determination? Oh. That look shut her up better than any embarrassment could have. Right. He was the sort of person who was careful with his words and now he had some…and she had been monopolizing the conversation again. Right.
Arataki, shut the hell up and let your extremely patient boyfriend get a word in edgewise.
"Miss Reigen…I'm sorry. I'm bad at this and I'm probably boring you and you probably want to go home and I just…I really am very sorry." Said Serizawa. Honesty was the best policy, he had heard, and it felt good to be honest. To verbalize all of the anxiety he had been feeling. It was hard, talking, communicating, so maybe it was best to just confess that to her and get it over with.
She deserved someone who could keep up with her.
"Come again?" asked Reigen. Well that sure was…odd. What was he sorry about? She was the one going on and on and on like she was being paid by the word.
"I'm sorry for boring you. You have so much to say and it's all so interesting and I just…don't. I'm sorry." Said Serizawa. He wondered if he should have kowtowed. This felt like the sort of situation that would have warranted a nice, long, kowtow.
"Serizawa…what?" Reigen couldn't help it. She laughed. It came out as more of a snort than a laugh and that just served to make it all the worse.
"I'm sorry that I-" said Serizawa preparing to kowtow because he knew that he should have done that in the first place! God, he was so bad at this-
"No, no, you have no reason to apologize! If anything I've been the one boring you. I mean, you don't want to hear me rambling on and on about nothing. I haven't even been letting you get more than a word in every half hour! I'm the one who should be apologizing to you." Said Reigen. She was still holding his hand. She put her other hand around his for good measure. Just so that he would know how sorry she was. She really was sorry.
"Miss Reigen…you could never be boring! I mean I like listening to you talk…and it's not rambling. You have a lot of interesting things to say. I love hearing about your life. I just wish that I could…reciprocate. I mean you've lived so much and I've…I've pretty much wasted the last eighteen years of my life." Said Serizawa
"I was rambling. I ramble when I'm nervous and I…I'm glad you like my rambling…and I'd like to hear some of your rambling….too. You haven't wasted your life. Serizawa, and I would be happy to hear about your life or the things you like to do or, well, anything." Said Reigen. His eyes met hers for a moment before he looked down.
"You're too nice, you really are. I know that I've wasted my life. I mean….you just…you've lived so much more than I have and you have so much more going on-" said Serizawa
"Serizawa, no. That's not true." Said Reigen
"You're too kind….much too kind, Miss Reigen." Said Serizawa softly.
"You spend pretty much every single day with me, you know precisely how much I have going on and if you don't, well, it's not a lot. I go to work and then I go home and drink beer, eat junk food, shop online for stuff I don't need, and watch bad TV. That's me in a nutshell." Said Reigen
"N-No…there's so much more to you….you've done so much and you…I think that there's a lot more to you…and I wish that there was more to me. Anything to me." Said Serizawa. He was looking down at their shoes, now, because he didn't dare risk looking her in the eye. He didn't want to see what was there, in her eyes, because it could have been anything…
Maybe even something that he did not want to see.
But then he had no choice but to look into her eyes. He felt her warm hand on the side of his face. She was tipping his head upwards until their eyes met. Once she was done she kept her hand there, right there, and her other hand was in his and he felt somehow both hot and cold all over…
"Serizawa. Stop it. Stop putting yourself down. There's a lot more to you than you think and I would be happy to…to get to know you better. I mean…there's a lot to you and I wish that you would show me….God, this isn't coming out right." Said Reigen with a laugh. A short, bitter, thing. She was laughing at herself, then. She could talk, she could say words, but she couldn't say what she really meant.
"I think…I think that it's perfect…everything you say is so…perfect…because you...you're so perfect." Said Serizawa. He couldn't think, he could barely speak, every single thing that he wanted to say was getting jumbled in his head until…THAT…came out. It was the truth, of course, he did think that she was perfect but he also thought that maybe he shouldn't have been just…just going around and saying it. Was that too much? Was he coming on too strong? Was it too inarticulate?
Why was she just staring at him like that?
"T-Thanks…I….I feel the same way about…about you. I mean I really admire you! You've done so much and…and yeah. I admire you and I…I really like you and…and I guess that I feel the same way." said Reigen. She was, once again, just saying words. Things that popped into her head. She thought the world of him, she thought that he was wonderful, and she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else even though they had barely even been dating….
The L word had even come to mind a few times.
That word which she had sworn off ages ago. She didn't know what she would have said if he had dropped the L bomb on her this soon…or at any point…but perfect was something that she could work with. Could say back to him. She knew that she wasn't perfect, far from it actually, but that was how he felt about her…she felt like she was melting. She was warm all over and she was melting right then and there and she…she could feel it. The L word. For him. She knew that she wasn't perfect, nobody was perfect, and that she shouldn't have encouraged the use of that word…though it did feel good. It felt good and maybe…maybe she could let him apply it to her…and maybe she could let herself apply it to him. Even though she knew, objectively, that nobody was perfect and that perfection was an impossible standard to try and live up too…
Just shut up brain and let me have this!
"I-I really….yeah. I really like you, too." Said Serizawa. His heart was beating so fast he wondered if he was going to die. He felt like he was going to die. He could see his aura, and maybe she could, too. He felt like he was going to explode but in a good way. All hot and cold all over. Because of her. Because of what she said, what she meant, and what she was doing. She was still touching him and he…he didn't want her to stop. He never wanted her to stop. This was….perfect.
She was perfect.
She was still touching him and she was biting her lower lip again and the bottoms of her two front teeth were still red and he knew that he was staring where he shouldn't have been staring but he…he knew that he wanted to…but it was way too early for that! First of all he had never kissed a woman before, so it would be just God awful, and second of all if he were to lean in and kiss her he would only end up scaring her off. He was not one of those guys that women warned each other about, the kind that were only after one thing, and he was not going to push her into doing anything that she wasn't one hundred percent ready to do.
Even if he wanted to.
He wouldn't. He's wait for her, he'd wait as long as it took, because he was not going to be pushy! He was not that kind of guy at all. Nope. No way. He was not going to…to lean in and kiss her…and he knew that he shouldn't but he was leaning down and…
And this was a bad idea!
"Do you want to walk around the park again!?" asked Serizawa pulling himself back so fast her hand left the side of his face…and also his back hurt a little, too. Maybe too fast. Maybe too abrupt. She was looking at him like she was…
Disappointed?
"Sure, if you want to." Said Reigen. How stupid could she have been? She was turning into one of the kids. One day she would wake up and find herself aged back by about fifteen years. Of course he wasn't going to kiss her. It was way too early! He had never had a girlfriend before and here she was thinking that he was going to lean in and just…ugh! And why was she getting so hung up on him kissing her, anyway? She had kissed plenty of men before, she knew what it felt like, and she knew that she could and would have to wait for as long as he needed. This was all new for him and she was not going to do something stupid and ruin it. She was not going to push him too hard, no she would follow his timetable without a word of complaint. She was not one of those people who was after one thing and neither was he.
He wasn't after that.
So, then, neither was she.
A walk in the park was enough for the both of them.