This was pure agony, plain and simple.
Seeing her, there, was pure agony for him. The office was empty, closing time was upon them, and they were alone. All alone. Totally alone. The girls, none of the girls, had come in that afternoon. Miss Kageyama was spending time with her boyfriend, they were so adorable together, Miss Kurosaki was working with Miss Kageyama's little brother to try and get her grades up, she worked so hard, and Miss Kurata was in big trouble for…something. He'd asked Miss Reigen what had happened but she had just laughed and said that he didn't want to know. He hoped that it wasn't anything serious but he also knew to mind his own business.
He missed the girls, they were so sweet and adorable.
But he liked being alone with Miss Reigen, too. No kids, no clients, just him and her. Not that he was going to do anything with this newly found privacy, of course. No, it was much too soon and he knew that he would end up scaring her away. He didn't say a single word about what it was that he wanted, what it was that he was thinking, as he watched her. He wasn't staring, no, he was hunched over a school book pretending to be fascinated with all that he hadn't learned being trapped, isolated, in his room for all of those years. His eyes barely ever left the printed word, something about math, well at least he tried to keep his eyes in the world of differential equations and all of the other things that he'd have to study for his high school equivalency exam.
He would rather have been studying her.
She was leaning back in her chair, her suit coat was off, and she was just wearing this white shirt, it might have been called a blouse. It was thin, thin enough that he could see the outline of her…and he should not have been looking there but he could see it, the lacy outline of her bra, and he could see the mole on her left shoulder. And the other on just below her collar bone, and he knew that he should not have been staring but he couldn't help it-
But he had to help it.
So he focused on his book.
"What a day, what a day, what a day…." Said Reigen as she tilted her chair back and crossed her arms behind her head. She was tired, she wasn't feigning her exhaustion, but maybe she didn't absolutely have to take her suit coat off. It was cold in there, there was no sense in running the heat unless it was absolutely freezing, that was just good economic planning. Really. Besides, giving back rubs was hard work.
So that was why she had taken her suit coat off. Because she was overheating.
And as to why she hadn't been wearing a slip that day, well, she had just forgotten. That was all. She didn't really need one, not if she was wearing her suit coat, which she wasn't now but it wasn't like there were any clients around. Just her and Serizawa.
Just her and her boyfriend.
All alone. The kids had their own lives. Mob had a boyfriend, Rei was trying to get a boyfriend, and Tome was in trouble because, well, she couldn't keep her hands off of her boyfriend and her mother had, apparently, had enough of that. Reigen hadn't said a word as to what had happened, everybody got one, but her boyfriend's mother on the other hand held no such beliefs. So that was how she and Serizawa found themselves alone.
All alone.
Together.
She leaned further back in her chair. She was tired, true, but there was another reason she was sitting like this in a cold room in her thinnest white top. Not a good reason, no, not a good one at all. Well maybe it was. She was a grown woman. She liked to be desired. She wasn't' sure how healthy it was, wanting so badly to be desired, but she enjoyed it. Him, there, trying not to look like he was looking at her. God…she was like one of the kids, now, wasn't she? Sitting there dressed like…that…just to get a guy to notice her.
Her boyfriend.
It should have been different but it wasn't. Serizawa almost never looked at her, not blatantly anyway. Not in the way she wanted him to. They were like a couple of middle schoolers when they were together. All blushing and hand holding and stammering. Like this was all totally new and they had no idea what they were doing. Well he didn't…and neither did she. She hadn't done the girlfriend thing in so long, not since she had been younger, but not as young as the girls of course. University. Which may as well have been a lifetime ago. A different time in her life and a different her.
Or maybe she was just the same. Maybe she had just grown taller, not older.
She knew that she was a grown woman and she should have been able to be patient. This was new for him and she was not going to push him. She wasn't. She wasn't but she still…she knew that it was selfish but she still wanted to feel attractive. She still wanted to know that, yes, she was a grown woman and he thought of her as a grown woman…and not someone who he just wanted to hold hands. Nothing that she had anything against holding hands…
It was nice.
But there were other things besides holding hands that they could do.
Stop it, Arataki. This is about more than that.
"A-Are you ok?" asked Serizawa. He risked another glance at her. She had her arms folded behind her head and her hair was down. It was so long and so pretty and so soft looking…she herself was just so soft looking. In a good way….and he needed to stop looking at her, now, because she was looking at him and, for a moment, he felt like she knew exactly what it was that he was thinking. Thoughts that he should not have been thinking about his girlfriend. He needed to be respectful of her. He loved her and he needed to respect her and not think about….about all of the things that he had been thinking about.
"Just tired. I forgot how much work there is around here without the kids." Said Reigen with a sign. She ran her hands through her hair and let it fall down onto her shoulders. Because she had been keeping it tied up all day, of course, and it needed some times to just be loose or her roots would get weak. Yes, that was the only reason she had done that. Not to watch him turn, slightly, ever so slightly red.
"Um….do you-you want me to make you a cup of tea?" asked Serizawa, his face still buried in his book. Her hair was so long and so yellow, well yellow red, and it looked so soft and…and he wanted more than anything else in the world to touch it. To touch her. But that…he couldn't do that to her. He liked her a lot, maybe even lov-too soon. He had very strong feelings for her and the last thing that he ever wanted to do was to scare her off just because he couldn't stop thinking about her…like that….
"No, I'm ok. I just need to rest I suppose." Said Reigen with a sigh. A deep sigh. The kind of sigh that pushed her chest up wards, the kind that made it strain against her top. A thin thing, some kind of blend made to look like silk. Sheer. Not very sheer, she had much sheerer tops, but sheer enough that she should have been wearing a slip or an undershirt or something besides her laciest bra. White, of course, because she was trying to get noticed, not give him a heart attack.
"I-I could, though, I mean if you wanted me to." Said Serizawa. He wanted to get up and put his back to her. If his back was to her then, maybe, he could have gotten her out of his mind. But that would have been rude…very rube…because she was his girlfriend…and even if she hadn't been his girlfriend it would still have been very rude.
"How about I make you a cup of tea?" asked Reigen suddenly. She wanted to be more at his eye level. She knew that she should not have been thinking about him like that but this…she hadn't had this in a while. Being seen. Being wanted. Sometimes being wanted was the best thing, better even then everything that came afterwards.
"Huh?" asked Serizawa. That wouldn't make sense. He made her tea, that was how it went. Why would she make him a cup of tea? She was….because she was his girlfriend and a nice person and she had been thinking of him. Not in the way that he thought of her, of course, because that would have been crazy. He was…himself. She was perfection.
"You always make me tea, how about I return the favor?" asked Reigen getting up from her desk. She didn't bother to put her suit coat back on, laziness she told herself, it had nothing at all to do with the way she could feel his eyes on her. Of course he looked away when she caught him. She wondered why he was so shy about this sort of thing? Inexperience, probably. He was such a sweet man like that.
Sometimes she wished that he were just a little less sweet.
Not a jerk, of course, but just…sometimes she wished that he would just come out and ask her for what was clearly on his mind. She knew that he stared at her sometimes and she liked it but he wasn't picking up, at all, on the fact that she liked it. His attention. The way he looked at her. The things that he so obviously wanted to do with her. Of course everyone had those sorts of thoughts, those stray sorts of thoughts, and not everyone had to act on them. Sometimes you went shopping for something specific and sometimes you were just looking.
This was one of those 'just looking' times.
She may have walked a little more slowly than she needed to. She may have bent over a little more lowly than she needed to. She may have poured that tea kettle a little more slowly than was strictly necessary…and she may have, just maybe, put that cup of tea down a little too close to him on his desk…and maybe she had leaned over a bit too much…and maybe her claves were aching because she was going around walking slowly and bending over in her worst pair of work shoes and now she'd end up with joint problems in her late forties just liked her mother had.
Agony, pure agony, but not for that reason.
"T-Thank you." Said Serizawa. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Drink the tea, obviously, and thank her and be polite and pretend that he hadn't been looking at her. The way her skirt was so tight around her hips, the way her shirt was kind of see-through, the way her hair had brushed up against him…he just had to pretend that everything was normal. She had put a cup of tea down on his desk and now he was supposed to drink it and pretend that everything was normal.
So he tried to pick up the tea cup.
And her hair brushed against him again and she hadn't fully let go of the cup so their hands brushed and that was a lot of touching and…and it was a lot…and he could see his aura, then, and he had made a lot of progress controlling his powers but he didn't have complete control and he didn't want to hurt her, no, not at all. Actually he was struck with the completely reckless, crazy, urge to kiss her…and he could have because she was still leaning over his desk and her lips were so red and she was so pretty and she even smelled good, like cigarettes and incense and her perfume and her perfume lingered, sometimes, when she leaned up against him and it was just the best when he found it on him, later on after he got home, and maybe it would linger on him again and her hand touched his and her fingers were so soft, her hand was so soft, and she was so soft and-
And now they were both covered in tea.
And then she laughed. For a moment he thought that she had cried out, that he had hurt her, even though the tea had been lukewarm since it was an old pot, but he'd had so many accidents with his powers before but now she was laughing and that actually hurt a little too and-
"Sorry, I'm sorry! It's just…I don't even know why I think that this is funny." Said Reigen. Maybe because this was all that she could do. Green tea on her white top. Well now she had a trip to the cleaners on her hands, now didn't she? And it served her right because, obviously, she had pushed him too far so, of course, she deserved this.
"You…you don't have to be sorry…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost control like that." Said Serizawa. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. They were both soaking wet, or mostly her, and even now he couldn't stop looking at her…and wasn't that just the worst?
"No, it's my fault. I knew what I was doing and I just…kept on doing it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't push you like that." Said Reigen softly. She had taken a step back and was standing, now, at a respectful distance from him. He was looking down, now, unable to meet her eyes…and she wasn't able to meet his, either.
"W-What? You…you weren't doing anything." Said Serizawa. He didn't get why she was so sorry. He was the one who had lost control.
"I was….I was just…I don't even know. Pushing your boundaries too hard I guess. I can just be so selfish sometimes-" said Reigen
"No!" said Serizawa getting up from his desk just a little, more than a little, too quickly. She seemed startled, of course she had been startled, he had even startled himself. He knew that it had been an overreaction but he just could not have had let her stand there and call herself selfish. She was the most selfless, one of the most selfless, people that he had ever met in his life.
"You're not selfish. You could never be selfish." Said Serizawa before he lost his nerve. He couldn't have had her just thinking sometimes to awful about herself. He crossed the distance between them. He had wanted to take her hand in his but now…well that had been what had started all of this. Touching her. Wanting to touch her. He had wanted to take her hand, he had done it before, but now he found himself unable to. His hand just sort of hung around near hers. Close, so close, but not close enough.
For either of them.
Reigen wanted to take his hand, she wanted him to take her hand, she wanted something. Anything. Even though she should have been happy with what they had.
"I am. I keep on pushing you…and thinking about pushing you…but I know that it's wrong. I know that this is all new for you and you don't need me putting all of my…all of this on you…and I should be able to wait-" said Reigen
"Wait? For what?" asked Serizawa totally and completely lost. He had no idea what it was that she would want to wait for. Probably not what he was thinking of. Of course not what he was thinking of. Of course she wasn't imagining him taking her in his arms, kissing her, running his hands through her hair, letting them fall lower, following her hair down to the small of her back, to her waist, where he'd rest his hands there and…and then maybe lower…
He pulled his hand away like it was on fire.
"For…for you. Serizawa….I can wait for you for as long as you need. We can even…we can ever go backward if you want." Said Reigen. Backwards to what she did not know. All she knew what that the thoughts running through her mind were nothing like what he must have been thinking. He did not want to take her face in both hands and kiss her deep and slow. He did not want to pick her up and sit her on his desk while his hands traced every single inch of her. He did not want to step in between her legs and kiss her deep and lay her across her desk and-
She thought, a crazy thought, that he had spontaneously developed telepathy. That would surely have explained why he pulled away from her so quickly.
"I-I really am not following. Backwards to what? I don't…I don't know what you mean. I mean I just…I'm bad at this. Talking. Communicating. I'm just not good at this sort of thing and I am so sorry about…I'm just not good at this." said Serizawa. Sometimes it was best, really, to come clean. Like now. Now seemed like the time and now she…she was looking at him like…like he didn't even know what.
"Backwards to…to whatever you want. This is about you, not me? I can wait for you for as long as you need me to. You don't have to apologize, I know how hard this all is for you…and how new it is…and I don't want to push you too fast…and you're not bad at it. Talking. Communicating. You really aren't. I'm the one who…is." Said Reigen softly.
"No. You aren't. You…you're so much better at this than I am…talking, I mean, I mean usually you are but I don't really know what you mean. I mean you…you seem so upset and I have no idea why…and I want to make you feel better but I have no idea…how." Said Serizawa softly. Her unhappiness won out over his…him-ness. He brushed her hair, the hair that had fallen onto her face, from her eyes. She had such pretty eyes and such a pretty face and it hurt him, then, to see her so upset.
"I'm upset because….I'm more embarrassed than upset. I sorry if I made you uncomfortable or pushed you too far…that's all that I mean by that. I care about you and there are…there are things that I want…and I know that there are things that you aren't ready for…and I don't want you to ever feel obligated to do something just because I want you to." Said Reigen
"I don't ever feel obligated to do anything when I'm with you. I'm with you because I want to be with you. That's all. And you don't make me feel uncomfortable or anything like that. If anything I make you feel…like that. I shouldn't have been looking at you like that and I'm sorry." Said Serizawa. He had brushed her hair behind her ear but his hand still lingered there. There was just something about it, about touching her, that he knew wasn't…but was also so…
Much.
It was a lot.
But in a good way.
"No…actually I liked that part…and I was maybe trying to get your attention…and I shouldn't have." Said Reigen
"Why not? If you want me to pay attention to you, you just have to ask me to…actually I feel like I pay too much attention to you…and sometimes I worry that I make you…uncomfortable." Said Serizawa
"You? You could never make me feel uncomfortable. You're my…you're my boyfriend, Serizawa, I want you to look at me like that." Said Reigen
"I don't…you don't think that…I mean I don't want you to think that I only think about you…like that. Because I don't! I mean I think about you like that but I also…I also care about you…and I know that if I really cared about you then my mind wouldn't always go to…that…when I'm near you." Said Serizawa
"Huh? You're human the same as everyone else and I am a pretty damned attractive person, in my not so humble opinion….I like it when you think about me like that…and I think about you like that a lot, too, even though I know that you don't need me pushing myself on you like that right now." Said Reigen
"You're not pushing yourself on me. You…I like you a lot and I respect you and it's not just about…about how I think about you. How badly I want to…to kiss you and to touch you and…and things that I shouldn't think about-" said Serizawa. Well now hadn't he made a mess of it. She was blushing, now, and so was he so he had embarrassed her and now she was probably about to take a step away from him and…
She took a step closer.
'I have no problem…none at all…with you wanting to kiss me and…yeah." Said Reigen. Now they were in some kind of bizarre blushing contest. She should not have been so nervous. The butterflies in her stomach were making her nauseous, now, but in a good way. She was a grown woman, she had done way more than kiss with more people than she could count but him just being so…so earnest…so earnest in his feelings and his fears…it was more intimate than anything she could ever recall doing in her entire life.
"You…you want to kiss me? But isn't it too…I mean I don't want to rush you…and it's really soon…and I don't want to scare you away and then you'll think that I only want…that…from you and-" said Serizawa
"I've been worried about the same god damned thing!" said Reigen with a laugh. She leaned forward until her head was resting against his chest and she just laughed. Her forehead was pressed right over his heart. He was so tall and…and close. She could smell his soap. It was nice. This was nice. This whole thing was just so nice…and maybe a lot of other words, too, but nice was the only word that had come to mind right then and there…
It was nice.
"But…why? Of course I would want to kiss you…you're my girlfriend. I've…I've actually wanted to kiss you since before we even…started this." said Serizawa. Her head was resting against his chest. He could smell her, the smell of incense and cigarettes and perfume wafted up from her and it was, and she was, intoxicating. This was…he hadn't had any idea that his heart was capable of beating that fast. He had no idea that a moment could feel so perfect, so very perfect, but it could and it did and this was just so wonderful…
It was wonderful.
"I've wanted to kiss you since the day we met." Said Reigen. If they were getting into a hopeless pining contest she, of course, would be the winner. She had searched her feelings time and time again and she had come to the conclusion that she knew, that she knew she wanted to be with him, from the moment he had stepped in front of the energy blast and saved her life. He had said, before, that he hadn't even been sure if he could have survived but he couldn't, also, just sit and watch while yet another person got hurt.
He had no way of knowing if he, himself, would survive but he had stepped in and saved her without a thought.
"Then…then can…can I? I mean can we?" asked Serizawa. He was shaking. This was agony. She was there and she was so close and she had just said that she had wanted to kiss him for so long and he had wanted to kiss her for so long, too, but he had never kissed a woman before and he was nervous and he knew that it would not have been what she had been expecting. He had no clue who she had been with before him and he didn't want to even begin to agonize over that but...but he must have done a much better job than Serizawa was about to do…if she said yes.
She didn't say anything.
She just looked up at him with her head tilted to the side and her eyes half lidded and her arms were around his shoulders, now, and his hands found her waist…that dip in her waist that he had always wanted to hold her by…and now he was and…and this was all just so perfect and…
And she was waiting for him…
So he kissed her.
And she kissed him back.
And it was agony…but in a good way.