Burning The Midnight Oil
Chapter 24
Countdown
~Nino~
This ends today.
Here marked the one week anniversary of their sundering and Nino was sick of silence. This wasn't the first family feud, it wasn't even their longest. Her escapade during last year's finals took that unwanted honor, but their present bad blood will fester like an aggressive cancer unless something changed. The mock exams were three days away, and Nino was determined to face them with her family as one team.
It wouldn't be their first attempt to bridge the divide. Itsuki and Yotsuba had been reaching out in their own ways, but Miku and Ichika weren't willing to waste the breath it would take to dismiss them. Miku walked everywhere with her headphones fit snugly around her ears, and Ichika's fan club crowded her between bells like a suit of armor. Yotsuba's boundless enthusiasm and Itsuki's calm consideration were like throwing pillows against their absolute defenses. But this wasn't their responsibility. It was hers. She caused this with her secrets and mistrust, and hers was the hand that must reach out first.
"I'm going to talk to her," she said.
Futaro was leaning on the wall near a poster advertising a weekend movie marathon in the auditorium. He was checking their math textbook's appendix for heaven knows what. If those were the depths she'd have to descend in order to answer one specific question, she'd accept the red tick. He asked without looking away, "Miku, or Ichika?"
"Ichika."
Yotsuba said, "I don't know, how are you gonna get her alone?"
"Already thought of that. There's one time every day Ichika leaves her entourage behind. Right after lunch, she goes to the courtyard alone to call her agent. I don't know what they're talking about, but whatever it is, she won't let anyone overhear."
Itsuki asked, "How'd you figure that out."
"I didn't. Fuu did."
Futaro explained, "You're all still on the same phone plan, it was easy enough to get the logs from your account."
Itsuki said, "I don't like the idea of you looking at our call history, Futaro."
"Got something to hide?" Nino asked.
"Nothing worse than you."
"Point taken. Look, there she goes." She nodded as Ichika left the cafeteria and maneuvered through the halls with her loyal followers. She stopped and said something to them, then went on all by herself.
Nino said, "There's my chance, wish me luck!"
"Luck!" Yotsuba cheered.
She followed her sister down the stairs as the student number dwindled to nothing. Ichika changed shoes and headed into the courtyard. Nino scampered to her locker, still directly adjacent to Ichika's, and changed as quickly as she could to follow. Ichika was blissfully unaware on a call as Nino walked outside.
She didn't have a script, she barely had a plan. She approached life like a castle without blueprints, building brick by brick in whatever way made sense until she'd build something uniquely her own. She trusted her wit that when the moment came, she'd find the words.
"Ichika!" she called.
Ichika flinched and spun around. Her surprise might be her first authentic show of emotion that week. Then she smiled coyly as a cat with her prize. "Oh! It's you. I thought you might be another one looking for an autograph, it's been so annoying," then she held up her phone and said, "I'll have to call you back, something's come up. Yes, I'm alright, nothing to worry about. Yes, I'll let them know after class. Bye!"
Nino said, "Ichika, we-"
"Oh my god, I can't believe you actually kept them," Ichika exclaimed, pointing to her glasses, "I thought you threw those dreadful things away. Didn't we both agree they made your face look chubby like a newborn baby?"
She hadn't expected things to start well, but Ichika must know how low her blow was.
"Ichika, just listen to me, please. We need-"
"Is Uesugi around?" Ichika scanned the area as she approached her sister, "You two are practically attached at the hip, I can't picture either of you alone. I see you at lunch, at gym, under the stairs, and of course all over instagram. I had to unfriend you just to spare my feed, it was worse than the ads! Gosh, you'll be sharing an apartment soon enough!"
"Fuu isn't here, it's just you and me, and you made that a hell of a lot harder than it had to be."
"So no Itsuki? No Yotsuba?" She finished scanning the courtyard, strolling towards Nino with her hands laced behind her back like she was on parade. "Good, I like it better this way."
And then she changed, and whether it was acting or all natural, Nino didn't know, because she'd never seen Ichika so full of malice and hate.
"Fuck you."
Nino had felt words slap, stab, trample and wound. These were new, they gleefully strangled her into silence. Ichika's words froze the very air between them into an unbreakable wall. They would have been powerless coming from someone else; they would have washed over her like a breeze over a mountain. No one, not even Futaro, could wound her so deeply. But her sisters knew her every crack and crevice to drive the knife deep, and just how hard to twist to make her squirm. And though they'd fought before, as all siblings do, never had they been so cruel.
Ichika continued, "Was this your master plan? Get me all on my lonesome and patch things up? Do you think there is anything, anything, you can say to make things better? We're long past that now." She reached up to Nino's cheek as if to stroke it, and took it roughly in her fingers, pinching until Nino couldn't feel, "I don't have a care in the world for what you wanna say, not one."
Nino stood frozen, feeling how words can steal your voice. Ichika's fingers slid along her skin like scythes in a wheat field until Nino's cheek was caught in the vice of her fingernails, slicing deeply into her skin. Nino cried and slapped her hand away. She stared at Ichika, struck dumb and unable to think.
Ichika gently massaged her wrist. Her lips curled into the selfish smile, the kind lit from the fuel of another's pain. "Run back to your plaything, little sis. There's nothing left to talk about."
Ichika left her there, a smoldering fire pit snuffed out with a storm. It seems irrational that a mind would struggle to believe what it witnessed firsthand. But when the world you thought you knew so well is smashed by uncaring reality and reminds you that all you love is vulnerable and finite, the mind fights back. Sometimes the mind wins and lives on in fantasy, building crutches of justification out of hope. And sometimes it cedes to the world and must reshape itself, and what backbreaking work that can be. Nino couldn't pretend anymore. As she faced the truth of Ichika's private rage, she realized that Ichika wasn't just not ready to bridge their divide, she didn't want to, and that even their sisterhood, her most precious thing of all, was breakable. And in this case, broken, possibly beyond repair.
Nino cried in the courtyard. She hid herself under a tree out of sight of the open windows and the street. She took off her glasses and wiped her tears as they came, struggling in vain to spare her makeup from ruin. She cried to all those things that may be lost forever and the memories they may never make. She wept at the legacy of her mother, imagining her spirit watching from beyond in disappointment at her daughters, and most of all at her, the one she could never fully fix. And she wondered, not for the first time, if all this was worth it, and if they could still be together if only she'd done something different.
By the time her tears dried, she wondered if she'd been missed. She checked her phone and found that fifteen minutes had passed since she left Futaro and the others. They'd be worried about her soon. She switched to the camera to check her makeup for tear streaks. That's when she saw the mark.
Ichika's fingernails had driven into her cheek, almost breaking the flesh, and her skin was raw and hurting. Her other pain had been so great that she hadn't felt it before, but now she noticed the throbbing heat like an egg trying to hatch. She took her makeup kit from her purse and covered up the wound as best she could. She had to use more makeup than she normally would to get it done, and by then she looked unnatural, more painting than accentuation, but it had to be done. She finished with a hint of blush to balance out what color she couldn't hide and returned to school.
Something was off as she walked through the halls. People were staring, even pointing as subtly as they could as she passed. Nino had the paranoid thought that everyone knew exactly what had happened. But she'd been careful, no one had been around to see her. She'd made sure of it. She checked her makeup in her camera and thought it hid things well enough. She endured their uncomfortable attention all the way back to the others. She wondered if her makeup was that noticeable, or if Ichika's speculation on her glasses was more widespread than she thought. She felt relieved when she returned. Itsuki and Yotsuba were waiting patiently for her, with Yotsuba bouncing melodically on the balls of her toes. Futaro was gone.
"How'd it go?" Itsuki asked.
Nino couldn't tell them what happened. She didn't know how. And to say it out loud was yet too much for her to bear. She simply shook her head.
Yotsuba smiled sadly, "We thought so."
"Why's that?"
"We saw Ichika a while ago, and when you didn't follow, we kinda assumed."
Itsuki said, "Maybe she just needs more time."
"Are you alright?" Yotsuba asked, "We were getting worried, we thought you'd be back after we saw her."
Nino couldn't respond to that properly, not without revealing everything that happened. Instead she asked, "Fine, just dealing with it. Where's Futaro?"
Yotsuba glanced out the window, "He should be...there!" She pointed near the track as Futaro walked into view.
"What's he doing outside?"
Yotsuba moved her finger to the vending machine near the restroom. There she saw Miku squatting to pick up her drink. Nino said, "Oh no."
Yotsuba said, "Hey, maybe it'll work! Can't hurt to try."
Nino was now certain that it could. If Ichika had hidden her feelings, could Miku? But she wouldn't hide her feelings by playing pretend, instead she'd draw them deeply into herself, compressing her anger until, with just the right trigger, she would explode like a long forgotten land mine from a war no one outside a nursing home remembered.
But that didn't happen. Nino watched Futaro call to Miku, saw her glance his way silently, and watched him struggle to make amends. He waved his arms like a struggling stage hand as he said whatever he'd planned to say. When he was done, Miku walked away without even the smallest goodbye. Futaro looked like he wanted to pursue her, like his body was halfway between motion and stillness. Instead he turned back to school like a lonely ranger returning from patrol.
When Futaro returned he looked at her and said, "Ah, how'd it go?"
"Same as you."
"Oh, you saw that?"
"Yeah, what the hell? I told you I was gonna talk with her first, why'd you go and do that?"
It wasn't often she saw Futaro embarrassed. Flustered, certainly, but never so abashed as if she'd caught him looking at his porn stash, if his phone could even load a jpeg, though she doubted Futaro looked at porn in the first place. The closest he'd come to women's anatomy had to be from a textbook.
But Nino felt she understood why he felt this way. Miku has been Futaro's shadow, the earliest to fully take his side as their tutor. Perhaps he saw a bit of himself in her, an underachiever changing towards academic success. He didn't want to believe he'd so completely misunderstood her, and that this was all a game of affection. He might wonder, if that's all this was, did he really know Miku at all?
Nino didn't force him to answer, "Forget it, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll try talking to her tomorrow, maybe she'll listen to me."
With nothing left to be done, she led them back to class to finish the rest of their day. Each side ignored the other and went about their business. Futaro led their study session after class at the library before joining Takeda at the cafe. Nino continued her night with her sisters as if nothing so horrible had happened today. They went home, made dinner, finished their assignments and followed Futaro's study guide until long after the sun sank behind the city skyline and their endurance ran thin. Sometimes she forgot the burning in her cheek, sometimes it was too strong to ignore. It wanted to pulse and flare and make itself known like a tracer round lighting up the enemy line.
If there were a way to avoid confronting Ichika's wound, she would have given what money she had left in exchange. But unless she wanted to sleep with her makeup, she was out of options. Her skin was dry and her eyes were itching and her skin needed a good rinse. She took a deep breath and washed her face clean, coming up to survey the damage. A small part of her cheek looked like a heat map, and the part where Ichika's nails dug deep was dark as dried blood. She unconsciously rubbed it as if that would wipe it free. When it didn't, she knew she had to face her sisters and their questions.
Itsuki was the first to see her when she stepped out from the bathroom. She did a double take when the first look wasn't credible. "Nino! What happened to you?"
She shielded herself with her arms as Yotsuba and Itsuki crowded close to her wound like a crowd at the Mona Lisa. Nino wouldn't tell her sisters what Ichika said, for it was too cruel to repeat. She only told them about Ichika squeezing her cheek until it hurt. She felt guilty, as if she were betraying Ichika's privacy.
Yotsuba said, "Maybe, I mean she can't have meant to hurt you, right? She would never hurt you on purpose! Accidents happen sometimes, I'm sure she just didn't know her own strength. It happens to me all the time, like sometimes I'll pat someone on the back for doing a wonderful job and they'll stumble forward like I hit them with a baseball bat! Mom used to pinch our cheeks super hard and they'd get all rosy, remember? She was probably trying to imitate mom or something and went a little too far. I'm sure she never meant to leave a mark!"
It was beyond what Yotsuba to comprehend. She saw too much of the good in her family to accept the bad as anything more than a single broken frame in the overall film. Nino envied her sister's stubborn innocence, Yotsuba's faith in her sisters was stronger than even her own. Nino wouldn't take that away from her. Even if she herself wasn't still clinging to hope that they'd all be together again someday, it would be too much to rob Yotsuba of the same.
But Itsuki wasn't blind. She saw the wound for the warning light it was. When Yotsuba meandered to the bathroom for her evening scrub, Itsuki took Nino and hugged her tightly.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
Nino shook her head, "Trying."
"We'll get through this."
"Yeah."
The three bundled themselves up for bed. Yotsuba's soft snoring echoed in Nino's ears like a feather tickling her brain. She brought her hand to her cheek and felt the slight bump in her skin. Itsuki reached out and took her hand. She held it softly and brought it to her chest.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"For what?"
But Itsuki wouldn't respond, she just held her hand until she fell asleep.
~Ichika~
"Just a towel!?"
"Yeah, nothing under but her birthday suit. That's how we found them."
"And he was definitely pinning her down?"
"I'll never forget it. And this was less than a week after we all met."
"And what'd they say?"
"They made some excuse about him coming up for his wallet, and her not recognizing him without her contacts."
"But what about how they ended up on the floor?"
"He claims he protected her from something falling from the cupboard."
"Oh my god, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard! They couldn't even make it to her bedroom, the pervs!"
~Nino~
The next day her wound was still there. It had darkened like someone had rounded out the edges with purple marker overnight. She layered her makeup extra thick to hide it once again. Her face looked waxy with so much product blanketing her skin. She felt like she was eleven again, the day after discovering what foundation was. But any less and everyone would see it like a lighthouse against the clear night sky.
Futaro asked about it as soon as she arrived. At least he kept his voice down, she taught him that much their first day in public. "You look different."
"It's just that, something different," Nino said. She didn't want him knowing about the mark or who was responsible. If Futaro found out, well, maybe she'd like what he might do if it were anyone else. Some things had to be kept in the family.
And bless him, Futaro let her keep it that way. He quickly returned to his latest study guide, he'd been browsing up to a half dozen a day. She had asked him how he'd gotten his hands on so many study guides when everyone and their mothers, literally, was trying to get their hands on them at the last minute. He bragged how he'd made reservations with the library two months in advance to make sure they'd be ready for him at crunch time. Everyone was looking for a free, easy study method. Leave it to Futaro to have that field cornered like a CEO maximizing their returns with insider trading.
She heard the chatter before they came through the door. She eyed Ichika and her retinue as they barely avoided the bell. Her eldest didn't seem to notice her staring, but she couldn't trust what seemed to be with Ichika anymore. Her cheek flared with remembered pain and she touched it gently. Ichika laughed at something a tall boy said as he held her chair out for her.
Nino pushed Ichika out of her mind and focused on their lessons as the bell rang. The mock exams were two days away and all their teachers made it their mission to make sure their subjects had a one hundred percent pass rate. Nino wondered if the teachers were aware of how many assignments their associates were giving, or if theirs was a joint effort to drown their students in prep work. As they reviewed, she tried recalling her progress at the time of her transfer and marked each question she worked through that she could never have tackled before Futaro. Such a small thing as counting her footsteps helped her see how far she'd climbed.
But every break her focus shifted, and not just to Futaro. Each period she'd get up to chat with Futaro and keep Miku in her periphery. She kept her headphones fastened around her ears every second of every break, and even if she didn't, Nino couldn't say what she wanted to with so many people. But Miku was human, not a golem, she had to get up eventually. At some point she'd need a bathroom break or a trip to the vending machine. She waited like a leopard in the jungle for her prey to show her back.
The bell rang and third period came to an end. Miku slid on her headphones and closed her book. Then she got up and walked out the door.
Futaro followed her with his eyes and asked, "Is this it, then?"
"Yup. If Ichika tries to follow-"
"Bother her. Got it."
Nino was out the door and on Miku's trail before Ichika could notice through her throng of admirers. She saw Miku at the end of the hall. Left for vending machine, right for restroom. She'd hoped she'd head for the vending machine where there'd be much more space for privacy. But she turned right. Nino cursed and quickened her pace. As she rounded the corner and weaved through the crowd, she called, "Miku!"
Those headphones were noise canceling, and though she couldn't check the little light on the side, she guessed they were on. She stormed closer and grasped Miku's wrist, "Stop."
Miku startled and yanked her arm free. It's what any girl would have done. Idly relenting when a stranger wrestled control of your wrist was a great way of becoming a crime statistic. She spun around and saw Nino, she stopped and took a deep breath, "What the hell?"
"Miku, I need to talk-"
Miku held up her hand, then took off her headphones, "What?"
Nino took a deep breath, "Can you give me a minute?"
"I need to use the bathroom."
"One minute, that's it."
Miku looked at, or through her with heavy eyes. Nino wondered if she'd been getting enough sleep. Miku sighed, "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"
No, she wasn't, Nino wouldn't surrender until the sun set in the East or the oceans rained into the sky. Nino would come for her again and again until she finally got through. She led Miku to the window out of everyone's way. There, that was progress. More than Ichika, anyways. Now she just had to find the words. It all seemed so possible.
"Look, I know what you're thinking. I admit it, I really screwed up, I should've told you about what was happening from the start."
"I'm not thinking that at all."
Nino hesitated, "You're, not?"
Miku shook her head, "You don't have to apologize. If that's what this is about-"
"No! No, that's not all. Yes, I wanted to say I'm sorry, but more than that, I really needed to talk with you again."
"About what?"
"About everything! This is weird, don't you think? We've barely spoken a word to each other for a week! That's never happened before, not since Yotsuba broke her leg tripping on a tree root in eight grade and had to stay overnight at the hospital! Don't you want things to go back to normal?"
"Things aren't normal anymore." Miku said, exhaustion wringing her voice like a wet towel.
"But they can be! If we let it, everything can be alright, just like before! I know that it's different between me and Fuu, but-"
"Don't call him that!"
Nino's words were bifurcated with Miku's shout. Miku blinked, standing as rigid as Lot's wife as she turned to salt. This was the only time Miku's glare made Nino wilt, it seethed like crawling over hot embers. Miku blinked, looking aside and huffed. "I made that nickname," she nodded, quietly assuring herself, "I made it." She glared at Nino, but there was no anger, that died as quickly as a cheap firework, and in its place there was a sweltering sadness and melancholy as old as their mother's passing, one that fed and grew stronger on her latest despair. And Nino could see her silent blame, the one she would never say out loud for fear of making it real. What Miku had dared to hope for, Nino took. And Miku couldn't even be mad with her.
Miku sighed, "Look, I'm not angry with you. I'm not. But I don't wanna talk with you anymore, okay?"
Miku left her there, and Nino didn't have the will to follow. Ichika's rejection had been a solid oak door slamming in her face. Miku's was like passing through curtains and finding an empty room with no more doors, no windows and no light. Miku's denial stung deeper than Ichika's pinch that she still felt burning her cheek. Nino understood why Ichika was mad. She understood her anger and her frustration and her jealousy like reading a script. But she hadn't understood Miku. She thought she'd always connected with her family. That was their bond, their shared sisterhood that no one could imitate or replace. When had she become so blind? And how could she hope to fix what she couldn't even comprehend? Was she was chasing a mirage in the desert? She felt like she'd failed Miku and her family, and that was worse than any blow they could have given her.
She carried it like a clot in her heart back to class. As she passed through the halls, she saw the same stares and amusement shot her way. She saw a girl little enough to pass as a middle schooler shielded in her boyfriend's shadow. She whispered something to him and pointed at her in a manner she must have considered inconspicuous. He glanced her way, eyed her up and down like meat at a butcher shop, and chuckled with her. Nino shot them an icy glare as she passed, letting them know perfectly well that she saw and didn't give a shit. Like Ichika, it was an act. She felt worms crawling under her skin that he couldn't claw out.
One boy and one girl, she could brush that aside. But it was one after another after another until her eyes strained from staring back. What the hell was going on? Why was everyone checking her out like she just got back from a circus tour as the bearded lady? She wanted to snatch someone's collar and demand an explanation for all this rubber-necking nonsense. But she was tired enough without this new wildcard in her life. So screw them. Let them look all they like, they were just glasses. She had a dozen problems a hundred times more important than these assholes.
But unwanted attention was like a spotlight following you around the prison yard. Their memory lingered long after class was dismissed. And the absolute normalcy of the rest of her life was too much contrast to ignore. She reported to work for her shift as an executive trainer, which she found out was just a fancy title for kitchen supervisor, all training would be on the job. She wondered if people would treat her differently like her classmates. But no one did. She was still Nakano, just with a fancier title.
What was different? School wasn't some fairy-tale kingdom with its own set of rules. She stepped through a concrete gate into a big boring building, not some wardrobe to Narnia. So why did her schoolmates treat her so differently? Her coworkers were about the same age, half were students themselves scrounging for extra pocket money. But they didn't stare or wonder at her glasses. They'd all just politely congratulated her on her promotion and moved on. No one even mentioned her glasses anymore. What the hell was happening?
Unless, was it something else they noticed? But this all started when she started wearing glasses, it wasn't even this strange after she came out with Futaro. Nothing else had changed! So what was it that made her classmates act like she was in between skin grafts for a full-body third degree burn?
"Oi, Nakano. You good?"
"Huh?" Nino looked up.
The manager pointed to the batter, "Haven't you stirred it enough?"
She checked, it was smooth as the calmest ocean without a white cap in sight. "Yeah, of course. Just about to put it in the oven."
"Uh-huh." She wished he would let it go, but he noticed his eyes glancing her way for the rest of her shift.
She dusted herself off at the end of her work day and changed out of her uniform. Then she waited in a booth as Futaro bore the burden of closing. His punishment for absconding with the bike was on its final week, but Nino suspected he'd continue his unfair share of closings. Their boss was a man of habit, once something became custom, he kept it until he had reason to change. Nino tried to study while she waited, and to her credit she made more progress than her scattered mind could have expected. The urgency of the exams helped her push other worries aside, at least when she was struggling with a textbook.
Futaro shut the broom closet and sighed like a bulging pipe, it was like the whistle marking closing time at a factory. He emerged minutes later in his school uniform. She asked, "Ready to go?"
Futaro grumbled and they left together. The night air was dark and hugged them like a heavy blanket. Nino wished they could have had a little time under the sun. She could have settled for an evening out, though. She loved walking under the stars and feeling his hand held firmly in hers like it naturally belonged there. But it was so late, and they still had so much study planned. Was it too much to ask for a few moments of peace?
Futaro asked, "Nino, I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"Just something that happened today. I don't really get it, but it's something you'll wanna know."
"So go on and tell me."
"I'm not sure how."
Nino blinked. Since when did Futaro admit to not knowing something? "Is it something bad?"
"Kind of? I don't know, I'm still trying to make sense of it. Just promise you won't get mad, okay?"
"You know I'm ready to get mad now, right?"
"That's why I'm asking-"
"I'll decide when to get angry, Fuu-"
I made that nickname.
Futaro squeezed her hand, "Nino?"
She shook off the memory, "Look, just, just say it, Futaro. I won't get mad. I promise."
Futaro nodded, "A couple guys from the neighboring classroom visited me when you went after Miku. They wanted to know if we were really a thing. I asked why they cared and told them to get back to class, but they wouldn't leave until I gave them an answer. So I said we were, hoping they'd leave me alone. Then, this is where it gets stranger, they congratulated me and said they didn't think I had it in me."
"Why?"
"I dunno, they just gave me this look. It was like, this weird smirk, like we were sharing a secret."
"Well? Were you?"
"If they were, I wasn't in on it. The whole school is going crazy, and they're not even losing it over the mock exams like they should be."
Nino sighed, "Is that all?"
"Yeah. You're not mad?"
"Why? The guy got the girl, they probably wanna congratulate one of their own. Sounds like a stupid macho thing."
"Well I didn't get it."
"You're not macho. Don't give me that look, I didn't fall in love with you because you can bench press my body weight. It's just boys being big, dunderheaded boys."
"Doesn't feel that way to me. I think it has something to do with how everyone's treating you all of a sudden."
Nino startled, "You noticed."
"How couldn't I? They're eyeing your every step like hungry jackels on the savanna and I hate it. Sure, we might look like an unlikely couple, but they're looking at you like you have a mental disorder for dating me. It's pissing me off." His free hand drifted to his gut, he pressed on it like a medic covering a combat wound and scowled.
Nino laughed. She'd shouldered all the stares and discomfort as her own personal burden, just like the pressure of reconnecting her family. But hearing Futaro express it, knowing he noticed at all, and cared, it almost took it all away. God, she loved him. She hoped he never changed.
She hung onto his arm and said softly, "Forget them, they're not worth it."
"It doesn't bother you?"
"Of course it does, but I don't care what they think. I don't even think this was about us dating, I think it's because of my glasses."
Futaro said dumbly, "Glasses? Just glasses?"
"Yup. So don't worry about them, okay? I don't wanna think about them anymore."
Futaro paused to think whatever big-brain thoughts he had to think, before saying, "Alright, fine. We'll do that."
Her hand looped around his bicep, rubbing it up to his sleeve, "We have to study, right?"
"Tonight? Yeah," he mused, "You wanna do something else?"
She shook her head, "Not now. But can we plan something for after the exams?"
"Thursday? We have work."
"Yeah, but we have an hour between class and shift. We can do something on the way, just the two of us. It'd be nice to get out in the sun."
Futaro mused, "Ah, I don't see why not. What did you have in mind?"
"You think of something."
"Why me?"
"Because," she pouted.
Futaro scratched his nose, "Okay, well then, uh...how 'bout I make it a surprise?"
He was clueless. Whatever. She could wait. She shot him her million-yen smile and said, "Sounds good!"
They walked past several streetlights in silence. Nino realized how close they were when Futaro's free arm moved from his stomach to touched her hair, "Nino?"
"Hmm?" she looked up.
Futaro looked for something far off in the distance, then said, "It's nothing."
"Come on, what?"
"Just, I wonder what it'll be like once the exams are over. If things will go back to normal. I wonder what that'll be like."
"What's that?"
"Being an ordinary couple."
Ordinary? What did ordinary even look like for them? When all the cramming and pressure finally lessened and they could settle into school as a normal couple, without the atmosphere as welcoming as acid, Nino wondered what being another pair in the crowd would be like. She wondered if Ichika and Miku would be there. Eventually.
"Me too," she said.
They rounded the corner and walked along the river to her home. She guessed it was twenty meters before they arrived. It sounded so small. She wanted a bigger number. More meters, more seconds alone! Why hadn't they chosen a house farther away?
"Futaro?"
"What?"
"I don't wanna go up yet."
He mused, "Well, got something in mind?"
She didn't, but that was part of the fun of it. She grinned wickedly and pulled Futaro behind the wall shielding her home from the street. There was a little alcove where people stored their recycling. Hardly the most romantic of spaces, but she worked with what she had. It was small, it was private, it was enough.
She tapped a song on her phone and let it play, then set it down on a stack of old newspapers. Futaro recognized it, "This is that band we saw, right?"
"Good ear." She started moving her body to the beat. Nothing wild, just a rhythm flowing through her like a wave in the sea as she danced closer to Futaro. "Notice anything else?"
Futaro grinned, "Same song, too."
"You remember. Good boy."
"Trying to tell me something?"
"Maybe."
Futaro stepped closer, but Nino danced away, wagging her finger, "Ah ah ah, not like that."
He frowned, "Seriously?"
"Get with the beat, smart guy."
He tried to get closer again, the wrong way, and she hopped back on her tiptoes like a prima donna on opening night. "Come on, you know what to do."
"I really don't."
"That's part of the fun!"
She grinned. She saw that hunger in his eyes, he hated the air between them like a barbed wire fence. And she wanted him to come to her, but he had to do it right.
He brought his hands up and bounced a little. She suspected he may have skimmed a book on dancing, but words could only build so much picture. He was still stiff, moving his feet in baby steps and struggling to keep the rhythm. Nino still thought it was cute. He'd only move like this for her, no one else. Futaro moved his feet closer to her. Nino waited, spinning with the music in her ear and forgetting all the problems of the day. He took her in his arms and he felt so warm.
"I think there was more to it," Futaro said.
"I think you're right, we're definitely missing something."
Futaro grinned knowingly, "Come on, I came this far."
"So come a little bit closer."
"You should do your part."
Nino touched her cheek and let her eyes glow big with wonder, "That's not how I remember it going. We should get it right."
Futaro growled like a tiger and damn was it hot, "Fine," and kissed her. His lips were warm and wet against the evening chill and she wanted all she could get. His kiss was like a luxury dessert after a day of hard bread and stale cheese. These were the kisses that inspired songs, the kind that couples long out of love longed to rediscover. Sounds of sucking and smacking could never sound sexier than in the heat of two dueling lips. She looped her arms around his shoulders and felt his grab her waist like a life ring, smashing them together like a perfect weld. She thought that if he never let go, she could spend the rest of her life happy like this.
She barely noticed when his hand dropped, his fingers stretching for more to touch like shadows stretching at sunset. The second time she felt it like a tick, and the third she started getting suspicious. He had to know where his hand was, right? She guessed it was okay, it was still above the border she considered safe-okay now that's a little far. His fingers were climbing the curve of her jeans and that had to be intentional, right? His hand kept sliding lower, lower, too low, way too low! Red light! Red light! All hands abandon ship!
She broke the kiss and pushed back, waving her hands, "Whoa! Okay, let's pull it back!"
Futaro blinked, not entirely sure what happened, but the thought caught up with him and he covered his face in shame, "Oh, wow. I'm so-"
"No, no, no need for that. Just, okay, let's take a break." She spun around and held her cheeks, they were as warm as a furnace and she knew she must be shining like a dying star.
Futaro muttered, "Sorry about that, I, that was too far."
Nino turned to him, still holding her cheeks, "I'll say," she started, then laughed. If there was any lingering doubt what his type was, he crossed it out when he crossed the lip of her jeans in pursuit of more fruitful territory.
Futaro glanced at the ground and asked, "Are you mad?"
She wasn't, surprisingly. Definitely stunned, but more in disbelief than violation. She'd been teasing him all week with skinny jeans she'd bought on sale, the kind that wrapped her lower body in a comfy cocoon and letting her curves show their worth. They were the perfect bait to catch his eye hook, line and sinker. It was all meant to be in good fun, she hadn't actually thought he'd make a move. But he had, and again, only for her.
Nino jumped in front of him, bending forward to look up at his face "Hey, look at me?" Futaro reluctantly looked her in the eye. She took his hands and opened them up, stepping into them for a hug. She felt his hands close around her, much higher this time. "It's alright. I'm just, that's too far right now. Okay? Can we not do that again?"
"Yeah, I'll be more careful. Again, sorry."
"Good, now stop saying it. It isn't hot." She pulled him closer and said, "You can go lower, you know. Just not that low."
"Right," Futaro said, but didn't lower his hands. Nino sighed and forced his arms to hold the small of her back.
"There, see? That's fine." Nino leaned into his chest and whispered, "I'll tell you if I feel okay with any lower, okay?"
"Got it."
"I'm not upset! I want that clear! I'm just, I'm not comfortable with that. Not yet, okay?"
"Nino, it's alright," he said, relaxing into her, "I went too far."
But she didn't want to push him away. He was one of the few people still firmly on her side, she didn't want to risk losing him because she wasn't giving him what he wanted. But that, what he wanted, wasn't something she was ready for. It was too intense, like staring into the sun.
"Are we okay?" she asked.
"I'm the one who should be asking that."
"Well I'm not angry. Are you?" She looked at him expectantly.
"Why would I be upset?" Nino wasn't sure how to say it, but Futaro looked like he understood, "I don't think, I mean I'm the one who tried to, you know."
"Grope me? You can say it out loud, you know."
"Yeah, that, so I don't get why you're asking me that."
"Does it matter?" She leaned in closer, whispering against his ear, "Futaro, you better not tell a soul what I'm gonna tell you. The truth is, I don't mind knowing knowing what you want from me. I kinda like it. I'm just not ready for that stuff now," she paused, "But maybe someday. If you're lucky."
She kissed his earlobe and pulled back. She might have broken Futaro's brain. He appeared to be going through a hard reset, unable to respond.
Nino smiled slightly, "You're blushing."
"So are you," he finally said.
"Yeah," she said, then grabbed his neck, "Now stop looking like that and get back to kissing me." She pulled him closer and locked lips. She had to pull his energy out of him and banish his hesitation like an exorcist in a crappy B-movie, but she got him back. They lost themselves in their good feelings and physical love long enough to forget the time. When she pulled away, she leaned into him, resting on his chest, "I love you, Futaro."
"I love you too."
The song had long since changed into another they'd never heard together. They held each other, enjoying the new comfort they'd found. Futaro tilted his head to rest on hers and she felt his weight like sinking into a hot spring.
Suddenly he said, "I know what we'll do."
"What?"
"After the exams, I thought of it."
"Well what is it?"
"It's still a surprise."
She scowled, "Now you're being mean."
"I think you'll be glad you waited." Futaro leaned in and kissed her forehead. She really liked his forehead kisses.
"I like forehead kisses. Gimme more later."
"Good to know," he did it again, "Ready to go in?"
"No," Nino whispered. She wanted to enjoy their privacy a little longer. "But let's go anyways." She took his hand and led her inside, where her sisters were waiting, ready to study.
~Ichika~
"Lemme get this straight: Uesugi's in the bath, your bath, in your home, and she just walks right on in like she's a stripper at a bachelor's party and shuts the door?"
"That's right, right before midterms last year."
"And he's like, fully naked, no clothes, bath time?"
"Yup. I can't remember how long they were alone. Could've been quite a while."
"Long enough for whatever she had in mind, I'm sure. I'm not even surprised anymore. She's a freak. I'd hate to see what else she gets off to."
~Nino~
She awoke the next morning in better spirits. Nino took failure like slipping on ice. It stung her body and her pride, but it never kept her down. She settled into a comfortable routine. She practiced yoga, prepped breakfast, and applied makeup like the last two days never happened. Her sisters weren't ready to reconcile, she would have to live with that. She'd deal with it once the exams were done. Life could move on after tomorrow.
She walked with her sisters to school, stopping at a convenience store on the way. Itsuki bought them iced mochas to start their day. They opened them outside the store, clinked glasses and enjoyed them the rest of the way. Futaro was waiting for them outside the gates. Nino wouldn't let him inside before he sipped from her glass.
"What do you think?" she asked.
"Too much sugar."
"Is there?"
"Did you look at the ingredients?"
She checked it and knew she'd never buy one again.
"Why does everything delicious have to be so bad for you?" Nino wined.
Itsuki shrugged, "If every little treat was a roll of the dice, we'd be long dead. What's life if we can't live a little?"
Futaro said, "It's not the one, it's the one that keeps coming after. The human body still thinks were all hunter-gatherers scrounging for our next meal. It can't process so much-"
Yotsuba asked, "Futaro, is this gonna be on the exams?"
"Not likely, no."
"Then can we skip it?"
"I...guess?"
"Hooray!"
Futaro grumbled, "Is that all I'm allowed to talk about until tomorrow?"
Nino leaned in close, "Just stop speaking in statistics," she pecked his cheek as they walked in to class.
Sometimes you step into a room and know something is off. You can't say what, but some sense beyond the five tells you that something is about to jump. She expected the stares, they'd followed her more closely than she wanted to know since she abandoned her contacts. But this was different. Voices hushed at her entrance and they looked at her like an actress stepping onto stage. It was a step beyond the attention she expected. Everyone was on edge, like hostages staring down a gun and waiting for the trigger pull.
She felt a spotlight burning her steps. Itsuki uttered something quietly that she didn't catch. She kept herself stiff like an unbreakable wall, letting their curiosity smash off her like squash balls falling pathetically to the floor. She'd forget them with her sisters until the exams were done. She arrived at her desk and set her bag-
Slut.
The word greeted her eyes like a sparkler going off under her face. It was scrawled in ruby red lipstick across her desk. But there was more. She read whore, then tramp, fuckbunny, cock sucker, sausage wallet, cum dumpster and more. She read slurs that she'd never even seen before. She could guess what they meant.
"Oh my god!" Itsuki cried. Yotsuba shrieked like nails on a chalkboard. Futaro was quiet, but he was there. His silence was a black hole.
There was something on her chair, like a bundle of thick noodles. Several unrolled condoms were nestled in a pile. They had something gooey inside.
She heard laughter bubbling around the room like a busy sink with dirty dishes.
Nino breathed deeply through her nose and held her head up high. She wouldn't look at them, or she would lose. She wouldn't show them.
She took another long, deep breath. Something inside her was breaking. She couldn't show them.
She turned and ran from the room.
A/N
Over the next several chapters we will see some of these characters at their worst, and others at their best, and both, and everywhere in between. I don't think this makes them bad people, it makes them people. We've all overreacted, we've all been hurt and think that what we've done after is justified. For anyone who's been hurt by love or rejection, you know how deeply it wounds. And when you feel betrayed by someone you love, you might do something that feels right in the moment, only to look back and realize how horrible you really were to someone you cared for.
That's what I think Ichika is going through. I've received many comments directed at her and her actions, and I want people to understand her perspective here. She's gotten so much of what she wants out of life. She's used to being first among her family, she launched an acting and modeling career before finishing high school, and so far she's found success. I think she's used to sitting comfortably at the top and having her sisters respect her decrees. So while some may think her actions lately are out of character, I'd say yes, they are, but this isn't the same Ichika anymore. This is an evolution, the next step in growing up and realizing her faults. Love and rejection changes people. And part of the process is moving on. She's just not there yet. When she is, she'll have to look back at the path and see the damage she wrought.
I want to address the topic of sex in this story. In my view, a story that dances around sex is failing to capture one of the core elements to a relationship. Unless characters are asexual, these years are prime for discovering your likes, your limits, and what you want in a partner. It's fundamental and I cannot write this love story without bringing sexuality into the mix. So be prepared. I don't intend to write titillation, but real struggles and discoveries that these people (and not necessarily just Futaro and Nino) go through. If that's too much for your tastes, then this story may not be for you. If you can accept that, you'll be in for what I hope is authentic relationship development and self-discovery.
Coming back from my hiatus has been a joy. I've written to many who have supported this story since I was writing early chapters, and it means a lot to me knowing that so many are still engaged. I take pleasure writing for myself and to realize this story for me, but it means a lot to me that you and others have found that yourself, and are part of this. Thank you for voicing your appreciation and support, and know that it's been a great comfort to me as I write.
In regards to the fandom, I've largely limited myself to fanfics. I browse the subreddit occasionally, but I mainly stick with my story. I do want to take some time to highlight a few other fanfics within the fandom I believe anyone still invested in the fandom will enjoy. Moonlight by StarCatTibalt is a promising take on a Nino route following Futaro's confession to Yotsuba that is still in the early stages. I also enjoyed The Middle Child by for a character dive into Miku. There are a few others I intend to check as I can, and if anyone has any recommendations, please share them with me.
I've already begun work on the next chapter and hope to have that polished soon. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review and share their experience with the story, it is one of the greatest gifts I've received. If you're reading this, I'd ask you to share your thoughts as well and consider reviewing, it's how I most appreciate knowing you're enjoying the story.
Chapter published: July 2nd, 2020.