If she were to describe one of her earliest memories as a child, she will say it was "bright-colored."
It was in every sense both metaphorically and literally. She vividly remembered the strokes of the paintbrush, the smell of paint, the white apron that was stained by what seemed like a rainbow had splattered itself over it, and the man who had a permanent contented smile on his face as he painted a meadow full of wild flowers.
He would occasionally look behind his back where she was sitting on her little wooden chair, a single half-eaten strawberry cupcake held in between her small hands. His smile would grow bigger as he would ask her if she was getting bored, to which she would reply with a rapid shake of her head and enthusiastically say "I like watching you paint, Papa!"
The man would then laugh heartily, uttering a "Is that so?" Before going back to his work.
Then she would just sit there, occasionally takes a bite of her snack, and takes in the image of him being bathed by the afternoon sunlight from the studio's open windows. An old cassette player was playing a soft ballad in the background and although most kids around her age would easily grow tired of this setup, she was a different case.
The little girl, then aged six, loved that little space where dozens of paintings were scattered methodically and where she could easily be with one of her favorite people in the whole wide world. She felt like that was her safe place and she loved how bright and colorful it usually was. It becomes even brighter when her mother would come through the door with a tray of tea and even more treats in her hands.
She would put it down on the table near her chair and would proceed to carry the girl to where her husband was painting. "Oh, that's beautiful!" She would exclaim which would make the man blush and smile bashfully. "Are you going to add fairies in there? You know I love them!" The woman would continue with a giggle.
The man hummed. "Maybe," he would start before turning to the little girl in her arms. "What do you think? Should I add some fairies?" He would then question even though he already knew the answer. Her mother would also turn to her, smiling wide as the little girl pondered for a second before practically yelling a big and excited "Yes!" The two adults would then laugh, and although she didn't know what was so funny back then, she would too.
The world felt like it was at its brightest back then. The colors danced around and embraced them with their warmth. She felt secure in that world where her happiness seemed to be endless and where that person was smiling at her, and painted pictures that have a life of their own.
But that world has long since disappeared.
She rubbed her temples and cursed herself for remembering such things. The clock tells her it's exactly one in the morning, and she barely made a dent on her math homework. Sometimes she wonders why she even bothers when she could just bribe Kaito to let her copy his work, like how Usui does.
Shaking her head, she decided that maybe it's time for a much-needed break. There was no way she would be able to finish anything, not when her mind was filled with buried memories. The girl removed the hair tie she used to put her hair in a ponytail before turning off her lamp and walking out of her room.
As she expected the house was extremely quiet.
Her mother had gone to bed hours ago and she could only imagine her under the comfort of her blanket, dreaming of fairy tales only she could think of. She on the other hand was still stuck in this nightmare she calls reality. She quickly cringes at how pretentious that sounded.
The girl's journey to the kitchen was a quiet one. She have no idea what she was going to eat, only mindlessly rummaging through the refrigerator until eventually deciding on eating the cup of pudding she's been saving for a movie night. Maybe it was due to the exhaustion that seemed to always go with those memories, or she just didn't want to walk through that dark hallway again, but she choose to plop in front of the open refrigerator and rip the pudding's lid off.
She doesn't eat it right away. It was almost as if she doesn't have the energy to even do so. The girl just quietly sat there, eyes on the opened pudding in her hand and the mist from the refrigerator softly touching her on her crossed legs before completely disappearing into the darkness behind her.
Her mind was in a complete mess. It was like she was battling a thousand enemies at once. Each and one of them took the appearance of a face long since gone and the newer ones has morphed into the shape of the boy who screamed nothing but courage. The battle was catastrophic, their attacks simultaneously comes from both sides and the only thing she could do to fend them off was strengthen her defense. But she wonders how long will said defense last?
"I'm so tired..." a whisper that only the ghost of her past could hear.
Her slumped shoulders felt heavy. She was tired of fighting these battles but she also don't want to admit defeat in fear of greater consequences. She knows there will be consequences. Laying yourself bare in front of people, trusting that they'll be as good as they promised, holding them, believing them without any second guesses, all of those things would only lead to an endless amount of pain.
Nobody truly likes to be in that type of pain, don't they?
If she could help it, she'd run away from it as fast and as far as she could.
Lost in her thoughts, she failed to hear the sound of shuffling feet coming her way. It's when the voice of her mother asking her if she's alright that she wakes up from her trance. The woman stood there with worry clear in her face. The girl could tell that she was abruptly woken up because albeit looking worried and all, she still appeared to be sleepy.
"I'm sorry, did I woke you up?" She asked. To which the woman replied with a hum and sits beside her.
"It's not good to eat snacks at this time of the night, you know?" She drowsily muttered as she embraced her daughter. "Something on your mind?" The older woman then questioned and ran her fingers through the girl's hair.
"I'm just..." a pause as she snuggled into her warmth. "Just worried about the in coming exams..." the girl lied.
If the woman saw through her lie, she didn't show it. "So anxious," she giggled. "You got that from your Papa, you know?" Her mother added and swayed the both of them to a silent beat. "He was always worrying about something. There was this one time when I had to drag him to the cafeteria because he hasn't been eating properly due to his college exams! He pouted all the way there, he was so cute!" When she speaks about him in this way, the girl could tell that the woman still lives in that bright-colored world. In her head, that small studio still existed and he was still there painting meadows where fairies frolicked around. She could still feel his warmth and his hands still touched hers. That smile was still alive and gleaming.
And the girl knows that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
Keeping a dead loved one's memory deep in your heart was the least that you can do. She wished she could do that. She wish she could associate him with happiness he'd given her and not the tragedies that came after when he was finally laid to rest. He wasn't supposed to be associated with sadness, or exhaustion, or any negative emotions but she kept on doing that. She kept on seeing him as the trigger that made her start building that red bricked wall in her heart.
And she knows she needed to stop because she was just looking for someone to blame. There was no use blaming someone for something they couldn't control, but her heart just couldn't let go of the resentment and bitterness it holds.
"Hey, mom," she softly whispered. The way her voice cracked was thankfully ignored by the woman and she merely hummed as a response, encouraging her to say whatever it was on her mind. "I love you..."
Her mother gleefully smiled at this and nuzzled her face into her daughter's hair. "And Mama loves you too." She replied and try as the girl may to do the opposite, she could only morph a small and hollow smile on her face.
Nishinoya Yū was a man—boy—of his words.
He stopped appearing during lunchtime and although she would occasionally hear him scream her friends names in the hallway, he didn't made any attempt of approaching her whatsoever. Aside from the familiarity he now have with everyone, everything was back to normal.
At least that's what she wanted to say.
Nothing was back to normal. The tension between her and her friends was slowly growing. Even if they don't voice it out, she could tell that none of them was very happy with her driving Nishinoya away. Usui looks annoyed and would barely even speak with her, Seiko was always fidgeting in her seat—her eyes fleeting from the door then to her—, and Kaito tried his best to not talk about the incoming preliminaries. Knowing him, he was dying to do the opposite.
It was the most uncomfortable thing in the entire world.
The atmosphere was heavy and everyone was just forcing themselves to act natural. Everyone but Usui anyway.
"This is so annoying," the redhead finally snapped one lunch break. She unceremoniously slammed her water bottle on the table and successfully made Seiko flinch. Kaito swallowed thickly but doesn't utter a single word.
The girl on the other hand doesn't react and merely chew her food thoroughly. "What's so annoying, Usui?" She finally said after swallowing her food. Her eyes never left her lunchbox but she didn't need to stare at her friend's face to see the twitch of her eye and the clenching of her fist; you're always gonna elicit that reaction from her.
"Oh, so you're just gonna pretend like there's no problem, aren't you?" This time she finally looks her in the eyes.
It wasn't unusual to see Usui nearly seething in anger. If the emotion had a personification, then it might as well be her. She was always so angry, always had something to say about anything, and was always going against the flow of the system around them. It was like she was constantly burning inside.
Sighing, the girl shakes her head. "Need I remind you that it was Nishinoya's decision to not be here? I didn't told him to not eat lunch with you guys anymore."
"Because you were being unreasonable!" Usui exclaimed and now everyone's attention was on their little make-shift lunch table. Their classmates were looking at them with puzzled expression, asking their friends what was going on, while Kaito finally intervened and tells Usui to calm down, he only got snarled at to shut up.
"Do you really need to make a scene?" She replied coldly, her face devoid of any emotion; which irked the redhead even further. "If you like him that much then why don't you go and hang out with him? Nobody is forcing you to stay here."
And that seemed to be the last straw because Usui slammed both of her hands on the table and stood up from her seat. "I've always thought of you as a mature person." She said in between gritted teeth. "But guess I was wrong. There's nothing remotely mature about you." Usui added before storming out of the classroom, not even caring that their break was to end in ten minutes.
Kaito called out for her to come back but she was already gone. Seiko merely exhaled a deep breath before starting to fidget in her seat. "u-umm, don't mind Sui-chan that much!" She exclaimed, referring to their friend by that cute nickname she thought of. "Y-you see, she and her parents fought again and, umm, she's a little on the edge and—where are you going?" the girl asked in worry as she packed up her lunch and stood up from her seat.
She merely murmured the word 'Infirmary' before leaving without a single word.
The girl didn't show her face for the rest of the afternoon class after that. She stayed hidden in that secluded dumpster of hers, mulling over things and sorting and pushing back the memories she wished to forget. It was almost a miracle that none of the teachers patrolling the school ground decided to check up on the place. They seemed to have forgotten that it existed in the first place. Still, she was thankful that it gave her a place to hide.
By the time she decided that it was time for her to leave for her part-time job, the sun was slowly setting and painted the sky in an orange glow. The empty classroom looked rather eerie in its colors but she didn't paid any of it in mind and simply walked toward her school bag which was neatly placed on top of her desk.
She knows she had fucked this time around. She really couldn't blame Usui for lashing out on her because what she said about her was true. The girl acknowledges that she was being childish and she should have tried to speak differently instead of putting more fuel to the fire.
But... but maybe this was for the best.
If what happened earlier was finally the end to their friendships then that's fine by her. Nothing was ever permanent, relationships were bound to end at some point and for her, it was for the best to let go knowing that she hasn't let herself be attached to any of them that much. Sure, it might hurt now but the pain was going to gradually disappear until she was only left with a numb feeling in her heart.
That's right, people come and go.
"I caught you!" Screamed a high-pitched voice behind her. She nearly jumped a few feet in the air and immediately turned around to see the owner of the voice.
Seiko was standing there pointing at her with one hand and the other on her hip, like a magical girl ready to fight her enemies. She was smirking triumphantly at her surprised expression before her face softens. "You were playing hooky today. What a delinquent," She commented with a somewhat sad smile. When the girl merely muttered an apology and turned her back on her again, Seiko doesn't bother smiling anymore.
She said her name softly. "Do you remember the first time we interacted?" Seiko starts and fiddles with the hem of her uniform nervously.
And the girl wanted to say out loud that there's no way she would ever forget. It was during their second year of middle school that she finally shared an exchange of sort with the girl the boys in her class just can't seem to get enough of. Maybe it was just a complete coincidence that she choose to take a short cut on her way home—behind that old forgotten shrine near their school to be specific—but it's thanks to this that she was able to save the girl from her then predicament.
Middle school girls were terrifying. They were so easily jealous and if given the chance to gang up to the reason behind said jealousy, they wouldn't hesitate to do so.
The image of Seiko, so small and fragile, being ganged up by three girls taller than her was possibly the reason she didn't turn around and pretended she didn't see anything. She mostly kept to herself and avoided all possible confrontations but that afternoon she walked up to the girls and said she was gonna call a teacher on them. When that didn't worked, she told the girls that she had everything recorded on her phone. That, of course, was a complete lie but it seemed to have worked because they scrambled away.
She could've stopped there, give the smaller girl a polite bow and go on with her life but she ended up offering Seiko to walk her to the bus stop just in case the girls were still there. It was due to this small act of kindness that the next day, when she was minding her business during lunchtime—fiddling with her gameboy while YUI blasted in her ears from her iPod—that a classmate tells her that somebody wanted to talk to her outside of the classroom.
Her surprise was very clear when a very flustered looking Seiko handed her a pink pouch of homemade cookies, stuttering her gratitude for yesterday as if she hadn't already done so. And by the time she had composed herself, she threw in the request that surprised the girl the most.
"Will you please be my friend?" It was spoken with uncertainty, like she was sure of and was expecting the possibilities of being rejected, but the girl could also tell that it took Seiko's all to even utter those words. She looked hopeful and when someone looks at you like that, there was no way you could say "no."
Maybe it was the sense of security that she showed her that drew Seiko in, but ever since that day the shorter girl has followed her wherever she goes, like a little lost puppy to her owner. And maybe she was indeed like that because despite of her popularity toward the opposite sex, she confessed to never really having someone she could come close to calling a "friend" until her.
"I know I've told you about this before but I was so lonely back then," Seiko's voice lulled her back to reality and the girl finally faced her friend once more. The petite girl wasn't looking at her but she had a very fond smile on her face. "And to cope with that I always daydreamed that one day my prince charming would come and sweep me away. He would save me from the witches who would constantly curse me and then..." She paused and twirled her thumbs. "... and then I would finally be happy."
"In a sense my dream came true, didn't it?" The giggle that left Seiko's mouth was contagious and a small smile formed on the girl's lips. "My prince wasn't some handsome boy on a white horse but instead this really pretty girl who I thought was kinda intimidating at first. She stood there and I remembered how the afternoon sun shined behind her like how it does now."
"I was in a complete awe when she drove the witches away and made sure I was alright. I thought to myself 'my prince finally came' and I remember feeling so happy as I trailed behind you when you lead the way to the bus stop." She continued. "I was even happier when you accepted my request, it made me feel special because it felt I was given the rare chance of getting to know you."
"And in a sense I did," she smiled. "I found out that you weren't as intimidating as I originally thought. That you were just kind of quiet and preferred to be in your little world. I found what your favorite foods are, that you're really patient and would listen to my ramblings without complaining." A pause. "But despite of that, I feel like there's this huge wall in between us."
"Maybe I'm being selfish and is asking for more than you could give, but I wish that one day you'd give me the chance to get to know the real you behind that wall." Seiko smiled sadly. "Because to me you're more than a friend. You're my prince charming, my hero, and the sister I never had. And I want you to know that I'll be here waiting until you're ready, so please..."
The way her lower lip trembled and how she bit on it to stop herself from crying tugged on the girl's heartstring.
"Please don't distant yourself from me... or any of us..." And Seiko doesn't even bother to stop her tears from falling.
I'm never gonna finish this before the year end at this pace. peepoocry