Teru could take a hint…he just didn't know if he wanted to.
"It's kind of cold in here." Said Shigeko as she leaned in closer to him. There was plenty of room on his couch, she could have sat anywhere else, but she had chosen to press herself against him. It wasn't cold, either, he knew because he had set the temperature himself and it was the same as it was every day. Even if it had been cold in there it would have made more sense for her to ask him to turn the heat up, not lean into him and try to share body heat.
He knew that she wasn't cold.
"I could turn the heat on…up! I mean up. I could turn it up." Said Teru. Alright, so he was mostly sure that she wasn't cold. Normally when girls said that they were cold and leaned into him they wanted him to reach over and wrap an arm around them and then they wound up making out. He wasn't opposed to making out with Shigeko, not at all, they had done it before…but things were different now.
He got the feeling that she wanted to do more than make out with him…and that was terrifying.
"That's ok, Teru, it's nice being near you." said Shigeko as she leaned in even closer. She pressed her leg against his. She felt warm…or maybe that was just him. He tugged at the corner of his shirt and stared at the TV. He needed to keep it together for the sake of their relationship.
"Are you sure? It's no trouble." Said Teru. He needed to get up and calm down. She was close, really close, and she was dressed…differently. Her skirt was much shorter than normal and her clothes were tighter and he had done his best not to stare because girls hated that, and she was a girl, but also she might have wanted him to because she had never dressed like that before and usually when girls dressed like this on dates they wanted to make out and maybe mess around and it wasn't like he was opposed to it he just…he just…
He was scared. He didn't want to implode this relationship.
"It's fine, really. It's not…not that cold." Said Shigeko
"Alright then." Said Teru, his voice getting weirdly high there. He cleared his throat. He thought that his voice had been done changing by now. He was fifteen after all. He wasn't a child…so why was he acting like one. He knew that they were in a relationship, he knew that they had been in a relationship for long enough for her to want to do more than make out, and he knew that he was supposed to want to do more than make out with her…
But it was a lot.
There was always the chance that he was misreading her…though he had no idea how he could misread a picture of…a picture that she had taken down her shirt. There was only one reason that a girl would send a guy a picture like that. It wasn't like he'd never gotten…he didn't need to think about that now, or anything. He tried to clear his mind.
It wasn't working.
Her foot was rubbing against his. Her head was on his shoulder. Her fingers were laced in his. Something was on the TV but he didn't know what. It didn't matter. He couldn't focus on anything. He needed to focus! He needed to…to figure out what in the hell he was supposed to do. On the one hand if he didn't do anything then she'd think that he wasn't into her but on the other hand if he did make a move and had, actually, been misreading the whole thing, then she'd think that he was some kind of creep and she'd never want to see him again and their relationship would implode…
Usually he was so good at this!
"Teru? Are you alright?" asked Shigeko, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Had they always been so full and long? Wait…was she wearing makeup? What did THAT mean? Was that for him or for her? Did she want him to tell her that she was pretty? Or would that imply that she wasn't normally pretty? Or would she think that he was coming onto her? She wanted that, right? But what if she didn't and this was just because she felt like putting on makeup? Or what if-
He was bad at this, wasn't he?
"Yes! I mean, yes, I'm alright." Said Teru, trying his best to sound normal. What was wrong with his voice today?
"Ok…alright. It's just that your aura is being all jumpy and you're really sweaty, too." Said Shigeko. Teru wiped his forehead and quickly wiped his hand on the couch. Great. Now she probably thought that he was some kind of sweaty weirdo who was only after one thing and she'd run away and call him a creep and then everyone would think that he was a creep and he'd have to leave town, dye his hair, and live under an assumed name for the rest of his life.
"It's…hot in here, like you said." Said Teru
"I said that it was cold." Said Shigeko
"Right, cold. It's a…cold sweat?" said Teru. Shigeko was giving him a look…and he knew that he had messed up if Shigeko of all people was giving him looks. Yeah, that had been a bad lie…time to pivot!
"So, how's business going? Anyone buy any more of that purple sauce?" asked Teru
"No, my Mom said that we had to stop selling it because she saw online about some people that ate it and got really sick. Now we're selling alien blood." Said Shigeko
"Oh…and alien blood is...?" asked Teru. Good, keep her talking. Maybe if enough time passed she'd forget how awkward things had just been.
"It's mostly the stuff inside of glow sticks. You have to microwave it and it kind of explodes. Tome's better at making it but we can only make it when her parents are at work otherwise they get mad at her for making a mess and playing with the microwave." Said Shigeko
"People actually buy that stuff?" asked Teru
"Sometimes, but not that many so business is kind of slow. Sometimes I feel like we aren't cut out for the business world, honestly, but Tome says that we have to overcome all of our obstacles. Just me and Rei, though, because she's the idea guy and has to rest her brain so it's more creative…but sometimes I think that she just wants to play videogames all day." Said Shigeko
"That does sound like Tome. Maybe you guys just need a new idea guy. I bet that you'd be good at it, you're incredibly creative." Said Teru. Shigeko shook her head.
"I'm really not. Rei's the most creative one but right now she's really into cupcake decorating videos. I think maybe because her mom is on this weird diet where she's not allowed to have food." Said Shigeko
"Isn't that every diet?" laughed Teru
"No, most of them just tell you that you can only have a few foods. Like this diet that my mom was on where she was only allowed to have kale and beans and water. I don't get diets, why not just exercise more? It's more fun and you get stronger…and you don't yell at everyone all the time either." Said Shigeko
"You don't really need to worry about things like that, Shigeko, I like you the way you are." Said Teru. He knew that he had done that right…right? When your girlfriend told you that she was unhappy with her appearance you were supposed to tell her that she was pretty. It was the truth, too, but why…why was she frowning at him like that?
What had he done this time!?
"You don't have to lie to me, I know that you don't think I'm pretty." Said Shigeko
"I swear on my life that I'm not lying. You are, by far, the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen in my life." said Teru
"Then why are…I mean why won't you…" said Shigeko
"Why won't I what?" asked Teru. He prepared himself for whatever it was that she wanted from him. He knew that he was bad at this, she'd had to all but get down on her knees and beg him to kiss her, but in his defense this was a very delicate operation! If she wanted to make out then he would and if she wanted to…wanted to…
He'd figure it out.
She took a deep breath and looked him right in the eye. She was serious right now, her aura was pushing against his as well. Not like they were fighting, if she had wanted to she could have obliterated him right there, just that she was paying attention to him. Watching him. Pinning him down so he couldn't get away. He wondered, briefly, if she knew how to read minds…
He hoped that she couldn't. If she knew even a tenth of what went through his mind when they were near she would have run right out that door and never come back.
"Why won't you do more than kiss me? We've been together since we were fourteen and we still haven't done any more than kiss." Said Shigeko
"But…we're fifteen." Said Teru. It was the only thing that he could think of. She said it, that they had been together a year, like they were one of those couples that had been together for fifty years and lived in different houses and…and…and it had only been a year! He hadn't even though about…well he had…but not with her! Well, yes, with her but it was different.
She was different.
Before he had just gone on dates with girls, and lead them on, because he'd wanted to feel better about himself. Part of feeling better about himself was seeing how far a girl would let him go with her. If a girl let him get somewhere then he'd see her again and if she didn't then he'd just move onto the next. Shigeko wasn't like that and he wasn't that person, that terrible person, anymore. He was better than that person. She deserved better than that, too, better than the person he used to be.
He had to be better…but he didn't know how to be anything right now!
"And next year we'll be sixteen and…and I don't know if I can go another year without…without moving forward." Said Shigeko
"Moving…forward? Isn't this a little sudden?" said Teru, shifting in place. He didn't know where to look or what to do. She was still so near and she was still so beautiful and, yes, he did want to with her but…but what if he and her actually did it and…and it wasn't good? or it wasn't what she was expecting? He knew the kinds of things she read and talked about with her friends. He knew that he…well, he was good at what he knew how to do and what he knew how to do wasn't much to begin with! If he messed this up then…then…
Then he'd lose her forever.
"If you don't want to do anything with me then that's ok. I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do, it would be wrong of me to, and…and it's ok if you've already done everything already so you know what it's like and you know that I'll be bad at it because I've never done anything and-" said Shigeko!
"I haven't either! I mean, I mean not…not that I haven't done anything, I just never did…some things." Said Teru nervously. Dangerous ground. Very dangerous ground. The last thing his girlfriend wanted to know about was what he had done with his last girlfriend…girlfriends…girls he had messed around with.
"Oh…but I haven't done anything so it's still not even." Said Shigeko
"Yeah, it's not…so we don't have to do anything. I mean anything that you don't want to! I mean…I mean I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Said Teru
"I'm very comfortable, though. With you, I mean, these clothes aren't comfortable at all." Said Shigeko as she pulled at her shirt. He made sure to keep his eyes on hers.
"Then why are you wearing them? I mean they work for you, everything works for you." said Teru quickly. Don't look down…don't look down….
"Tome says that boys like things like this. When you wear short things and tight things, because then it makes them think about you." said Shigeko
"I'm always thinking about you." said Teru
"I meant thinking about me…um…it's too hard to say it!" said Shigeko
"Then we can talk about something else. So…um…how's that cat you and your brother share custody of?" asked Teru
"We had to send all the cats we were hiding to the shelter, remember? Mom and Dad found out and they were really mad." Said Shigeko
"Oh, right. Sorry to bring that up. So, anything else happening in your life? Sho still living in the attic? What about…um…that alien blood venture? You would probably make more money if you sold it at conventions, like science fiction conventions, or maybe even anime conventions-" said Teru
"If I can't say it then I'm not mature enough to do it. They said that in health class." Said Shigeko
"Oh." Said Teru. Alright, so they were back to this. This conversation was actually happening. Alright then. He was…not a coward. He was prepared to have this conversation with her. Like she had just said, only immature people would have been this uncomfortable and he was anything but immature.
"So I'm going to say it." Said Shigeko
"You don't have to, I know what you mean. You want to mess around-" said Teru
"I want to sleep with you." said Shigeko. Teru opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. While his body was doing it's best impression of a fish his mind was going a mile a minute. First he had to actually put the words together in his mind. Sleep with him. I want. She wanted to sleep with him…once his brain understood the message his heart decided to weigh in on the matter, pumping blood so fast he was getting dizzy. Then, of course, since his mind was kind of dumb right now all of that excess blood went to the last place it needed to right now.
He crossed his legs.
There. He could at least move. He just needed to calm down and tell his mind that it wouldn't be happening. Not right now, anyway. It had to happen. She wanted it to happen and if it didn't then she could easily find someone who would sleep with her. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he did, and if he had been as confidant as he liked to pretend he was he would have kissed her and then they would have done it right there on his couch. But he wasn't confidant, he wasn't confidant at all. In fact he was terrified.
He had no idea what to do.
She was looking at him now, still. She was blushing but she was still looking right at him. It was like she expected something but he had no idea what it was. What could she have wanted from him? She didn't expect him to just…to just…right there? On the couch? No way! He didn't know what to do and it wasn't….romantic!
That was right.
Her first time needed to be romantic. Not on his couch with him not even knowing what to do…well he did know what to do. He had an internet connection and he lived alone. He knew exactly what to do…what people did. He had seen enough movies to know that art didn't always reflect life. He knew that if he even tried to do the things he'd seen done she would never have spoken to him again. So, really, he knew nothing…he needed more time. Time to prepare and time to…to make it good! To make it romantic! To make it perfect!
To make perfect for her.
"I do…too. With you, I mean." Said Teru, finding his voice. She blushed harder, it looked painful actually, and smiled. She was smiling so much and so wide that he could see all of her teeth. Her hair was starting to float away. She was starting to float away. He took her hand and pulled her back down to earth…and now he wanted to float away. Had her skin always been this soft? Had she always smelled so good? He wanted to be closer to her. He wanted to kiss her. He needed to kiss her. He needed…he needed her. With him. For now and for always. He needed…he needed her…
He loved her.
"I don't have to be home for another two hours, maybe three if I tell my mom the bus was late." Said Shigeko. Immediately Teru felt himself crashing down to earth. He was warm, but not the good kind. He could feel a fever coming on, he always got them when he was stressed or nervous…this wasn't good. She was looking at him and then the bedroom and then him and…and…
And he needed more time!
"I don't have anything! I mean, to use." Said Teru. There, time. Now they couldn't possibly do this today-
"There's a store around the corner. Tome gave me a list of which kinds were good, which kinds are bad, and which kinds glow in the dark." Said Shigeko
"That's good to know but….um…" said Teru
"If your parents forgot to give you money again I have some. I think that they give them out for free at the family planning clinic, too." Said Shigeko. The family planning clinic was worse than the store! If someone saw him coming out of there then-no. He didn't care what people thought anymore. He wasn't that person and…and that wasn't even what this was about anyway!
"It's not about the money. It's about…it'd just be more romantic if I had more time." Said Teru smoothly. There, that was totally believable and now they could drop this-
"I don't think that it could be any more romantic. I mean I'm with you, I don't know how much better it could be." Said Shigeko. Teru wanted to both melt into a puddle and thrown himself out the window. She was so perfect but also so terrifyingly intense…but that was what he loved about her.
"There'd be more time, for one thing. You have to be home soon. This isn't the kind of thing that we should rush." Said Teru. Shigeko, thankfully, nodded.
"That's a good point. We should pick a day when I can actually sleep over, too, I think. I mean they call it sleeping together so it must make you sleepy and…and I'd like to wake up next to you. I think about that sometimes, like when we cuddle. Waking up next to you and just being able to be with you…and I could, I mean since you live alone. I don't think that we could do this at my house. My family would definitely notice and I don't think that I could do something like this with my parents in the house anyway…or Ritsu…actually Ritsu might be worse." said Shigeko
"Ritsu would probably kill me." said Teru
"No, but he would beat you up. He's had that problem in the past." Said Shigeko
"I remember…alright, so your house is out. I think that we should maybe just find a weekend when you won't be busy with your other friends." Said Teru
"We have weekly sleepovers." Said Shigeko. Teru shrugged like he'd forgotten. But of course he hadn't. This was perfect. Now he had more time to plan out what he was going to-
"That's too bad. Well, we tried-" said Teru
"But I could just tell them that I won't be able to make it. Tome skips all the time to go to love hotels with Inukawa, or the park, or his house. Sometimes she tells her parents that she'll be at my house or Rei's house and then she has him over while they're on their night shifts…so maybe I should try that. Telling my parents lies but then going to your house. My parents don't work night shifts." Said Shigeko
"That's…a good idea. I see nothing wrong with that idea." Said Teru
"Alright, then I'll come over next Friday night….oh! I'm so excited!" said Shigeko as the couch started to fly away. She let it. He let it. He had too much on his mind right now to pull them both back down to Earth. He couldn't even pull himself back down. This was happening…this was a thing that was happening to them right now…well, not now. It was something that was going to happen to them on Friday.
He didn't know how he felt.
Excited, because finally! There was a part of him that wanted to do this just so he could be one of those guys who could say that he'd done it and not be lying. Another part of him, one that he told to yell louder, was happy that he was doing this with her. He loved her after all and that was what you did with the girl you loved, you made love to her. With her. You had adult relations with her…now he sounded like a health class! You did it with her and that was what he was going to do! Even though he hadn't gone farther than messing around even that had been a couple of times before he had even met her…but he had time to plan this out. He had this.
He could take a hint, and she had given him way more than a hint. He could do this, he would do this, and he would be the best she'd ever had!