A/N: I'm not gonna pretend I didn't entirely forget about this for 2 years until I got an email about a new review. Thank you all for your continued support, I never thought anyone would even read this. I started this fic when I was 16 and dealing with a lot of mental health problems, and reading/writing fanfictions like this was a good outlet that made my angsty teenage self feel understood and heard by others.

I imagine many of my readers have felt a lot of the same things I did then. In this chapter I wanted to share some thoughts on growing from your lowest. I struggled for years to "get better". I'd have periods of feeling more normal, but inevitably my work would come undone over and over. It becomes so discouraging when you feel like life is just staving off suicidal thoughts until they come back with more vigor. For me, the most important changes were in getting the right problems diagnosed and treated, surrounding myself with good people, and learning patience with myself and my developing brain. Your brain needs a lot of time to fully cook, and it needs a good healthy oven to cook in. Especially because the best parts of life are yet to come!

You are much stronger than you believe yourself to be, and you are never alone in fighting your battles.

Enjoy :)

TW for this chapter: self-harm

Tohru knocked on Kyo's door. She heard him groan and sigh from the other side.

"Oh good, you're awake. Come downstairs, I need help with dinner."

"Can't either of your other boyfriends help?"

She frowned, unable to come up with a good retort.

"Kyo, please? I think you need to spend more time out of your room."

She heard footsteps, then the door abruptly swung open. He looked no less disheveled than usual, in the same sweaty hoodie and sweatpants he had been wearing the day before.

"What, you think I hate you guys or something?"

"N-No! Not at all! We just worry about you..."

"Yeah, of course you do. You always worry."

"Because we ca-"

"Because you care about me and want me to not be depressed, I know. Well, I'm fine, I was already in the hospital for all that shit, I'm just tired. I'm just fucking tired all the time okay? I can't help it." He started to close the door before Tohru wedged herself in the way.

"Wait! Okay, you don't have to help me, but can we at least just chat for a little bit? I haven't really seen much of you and I miss you."

They locked eyes. He wanted to tell her to fuck off, he wanted to break down crying in her arms, he wanted to hurt himself for hurting her and making her feel neglected, but all he could do was stand there.

"May I... come in? Just for a couple minutes, I promise I won't overstay my welcome."

After a heavy, heavy sigh, Kyo nodded and opened the door more fully. Tohru was greeted unkindly with the musk of a ripe depression nest. Before either could say a word she loaded up a basket of his dirty laundry to take with her when she left.

"Which are your favorite shirts? I'll make sure I get them in this first load."

"Oh, um, I don't know, I guess I like my black shirts because everyone looks good in black."

Tohru smiled and added the black shirts on the floor to the basket.

"Here, I'll also wash that hood-"

"NO! I mean, not right now, I should probably shower and change anyway."

Tohru paused, not expecting that level of defensiveness. She recalled a remark Shigure had made earlier about Kyo wearing such long clothes in June. She remembered this being an issue with Uo-chan before - there was a lot you could hide under a long skirt.

Her heart was racing as she planned her next move, though she tried to look relaxed. She approached him, then picked up a pair of pants by his feet. He stepped back apprehensively as she got into his space. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she slowly stood up, then grabbed his sleeve and yanked up. It was yanked back down almost immediately, but not before she could clearly see cuts on his arm. Kyo began to protest, but she cut him off with a firmness she didn't know she was capable of.

"Sweatshirt. NOW." She held out her hand.

Kyo stared in shock for a moment, but complied. He took off the grimy sweatshirt and looked away as he handed it to her, too ashamed to watch her reaction. She tossed it into the basket, holding her face serious as she gazed at the many scars, old and new, littering his arms and torso. Thankfully none of them looked infected or very deep, but their presence alone was more than heartbreaking.

"I'm not going to make you take off your pants, I know it can't be good either. But that's the thing Kyo, you can't hide under the surface forever, because others know what's underneath. It's like sickness is wearing Kyo's skin and living in our house."

"So you think of me like a disease?" He gritted his teeth.

"Kyo no! I'm saying it has overwhelmed you so much that nobody can ignore it!"

"You all are so damn hung up on fixing me and changing me. Sometimes a fucked up person knows they're fucked up beyond help. You can treat me like I'm disgusting subhuman shit but don't think that's going to make me hate myself any more than I already do, it's not going to change me! I have to be this piece of shit every single day!

Before Tohru could finish processing what he'd said, he was already out the window to hide on the roof. He was sitting with his knees up and arms wrapped around himself.

His heart was pounding with hatred and fury. Everything, all the pain and agony he'd put himself and others through, it was all his fault, and he needed to let it out before he would explode. It had to be on himself, nothing else deserved to take the damage for his mistakes. He clenched his teeth and angrily sobbed, digging his claws into his arms as he rocked back and forth. He swallowed his wails of emotional anguish, the more and more he wanted to scream out the harder and harder he dug in his nails, focusing everything he felt into pain so he didn't have to feel it so loudly anymore. He let out a shaky breath and looked up at the sky, as if to ask God why he made something just to hate itself. Blood trailed down from the several jagged wounds on each of his shoulders. His stomach felt like a rock and his brain felt like a house fire.

Tohru entered the living room, where Yuki was reading.

"Is Shigure out?"

"Yes, he's with Hatori."

"Okay, I guess I'll just tell you now," she began. Yuki sat up, putting his book down. She started tearing up. "It's Kyo, he's been hurting himself."

Yuki felt his stomach twist into knots. He kept his expression unreadable.

"When did you find this out?"

"A few minutes ago, I was going to do a load of laundry for him, and I offered to wash his sweatshirt... he was really defensive, I knew something was up," her voice shook and she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I got him to take it off and... there's just so many! I don't know why or what to even do!" She fell to her knees and sobbed.

"Where is he now?"

"The roof."

Without thinking Yuki bolted outside and started scaling the house. As he neared the roof he questioned what he was doing and why.

He knew he had to say something to Kyo. He didn't know why this bothered him so much. He thought back to what Tohru had said about him caring about Kyo whether he'd admit it or not. Yuki wasn't so sure, their relationship was more than complicated by complex family trauma. What he did know was that their most important common ground was Tohru, someone who showed them both unconditional love. It wouldn't be the same family without all the members.

This wasn't about Yuki though, this was about swallowing his pride and helping Kyo. So, he pulled himself up onto the roof.

"What the hell do you want?!"

Yuki stared at Kyo silently.

"Stop looking at me! I know! I'm fucked up, I can't feel worse about it..." he grew quieter. Yuki sat down beside Kyo and looked off.

"I can't blame you, as much as I wanted to. When people are watching someone struggle, it's easier to try and label it as a consequence of their mistakes. But the truth is, in the Sohma family, we're born with a lot of extra baggage. And the worst part is, we can almost never share the load with anyone."

Kyo scoffed. "A lot of extra baggage is putting it lightly."

"I'm not unfamiliar with that pit of hopelessness. A lot of people don't get that it really is just... indiscriminately crippling. Every single day, everything you do, it weighs 100x what it should. Everything becomes the hardest chore, taking the time to bathe or eat is just another opportunity for your brain to point out every disgusting thing it can see about you. Socializing just reminds you of how insufferable you are for others to be around, it convinces you you're better off staying out of others' lives so you don't hurt them. And it makes you believe every word of its bullshit lies, because that's how it feeds itself. You can't get better if you cut yourself off from all your needs and believe it'll eventually make things improve. You know, if that worked, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Kyo was shocked. He didn't think Yuki could be so insightful, let alone kind towards him.

"You just have to trust that the people around you are only pushing for this so hard because they care too much to bear the thought of losing you. Be more patient with them, just go along with it at least some of the time even when you really don't want to. And most importantly, you have to be patient with yourself. I know patience isn't exactly one of your virtues, but getting better isn't straightforward. It's a constant, everyday process of baby steps. Pushing yourself too hard will only wear you down more."

They sat in silence for a moment while Kyo reflected.

"Thank you for, you know, being as patient with me as you have. I know I've been difficult to be around. I have to deal with that guy 24/7, I gotta live his life,"

"But that's the point Kyo, you have this one life. How long are you going to let this stubborn bastard hold it above your head?"

"It's not that simple though, it'll come back," Kyo muttered.

"You may stumble and fall again, the path of life is not and evenly paved road. But knowing how you pick fights, I'm confident you will always, always get back up again."

Kyo's eyes welled up with tears. For the first time in weeks, he cracked a smile.

"That's the gayest shit I've ever heard you say."

Yuki couldn't help but chuckle.

"I meant it. You can't lose to a bitch like depression, it's too far below you. If something is going to take your life, at least make it work harder."

Yuki stood up and made his way back down to the window.

"Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, I'm kicking your ass."

Kyo continued to sit alone on the roof, watching the trees dance in the wind. He felt his place in the world start to solidify. He may have endless uncertainties about who or what he was, but in that moment he was a spectator of the living, breathing world around him. He was a human like any other, with his own incomprehensibly complex body, his own talents and ambitions, his own people that loved him, important roles in other people's lives, things he was granted simply for being born into this world.

He thought, if life really were as cruel and unforgiving as he'd once believed, it wouldn't have given him anything to work with.

He slipped back into his room, put a shirt on, and came down to the kitchen to help start dinner.

Thank you all for reading and supporting my work! As of now this is the end, but in the future I may revisit and write an epilogue.

Please talk to somebody if you're struggling mentally. Be patient with and take care of yourself, and remember you're an important person to so many more people than you'll know. May you grow and flourish 3