Okay, COVID SUCKS! I have played it safe for almost three years and finally got it. Luckily I got my shots, and I didn't get as bad as some people I know, but it has been a nightmare the past week and a half.
And now, therapy chapters.
Please take all this with a grain of salt, as this is new territory for me. I have no idea what I'm doing, so this will be a little clumsy on my end, and I apologize for that in advance. Also, going to be a lot of rehashing of old plot points, but that's for the sake of these chapters. Sorry if it gets boring.
"Got your drink."
Mei looked up from her book to see Yuzu standing in front of her holding out a bottle of green tea for her.
"Thank you."
Mei closed her book and placed it in her purse before taking it and drinking heavily from the bottle.
"You're going to make yourself sick drinking that quick," chuckled Yuzu as she sat next to Mei and sipped her juice, looking around at the other people in the counseling center and sighing. "You think we're ever going to get used to this?"
"We have twenty sessions scheduled, so we better." Mei gave Yuzu a nervous grin and shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure. This is all new to me. Remember the few people we tried before? They were all private offices; we never saw any other patients. At least there we could hide, but seeing as we're now trying a public service, I think the fear of being exposed is getting to us."
"You might be right." Yuzu capped her drink, leaned back in her chair, reached out for Mei's hand, and felt some tension leave her. "I mean, I like our counselor; she's great. But yeah, being exposed like this is weird. Especially if people catch you here, they'll think..."
"They'll continue to think things they've been thinking for years," sighed Mei, squeezing Yuzu's hand. "Believe me, I've heard most of it, and all this will do is just fuel fires that have been burning behind the scenes for decades."
"Yeah, I'm not a fan of being part of why they're talking about you." Yuzu returned the squeeze and then let go so she could take another drink. "Especially since we were already dating when before the divorce. How did that news slip out anyway? I never figured it out."
"The rumor mill," answered Mei casually before returning to her book. "People talk and then build their theories. Besides, it's not like we were hiding it after we decided to start dating again. Plus, that party where we made the decision wasn't private, so I'm certain someone there must have overheard us."
"Oh yeah," grunted Yuzu as she did stretches to help her lower back. "That makes a lot of sense now that you mention it."
"Twenty years, and you just now put that together?" Mei looked over at her wife, sitting on the edge of her seat with one leg stretched out in front of her. "It's incredible sometimes the things that go over your head."
"Said the pot to the kettle," chuckled Yuzu before settling back into her seat quickly enough to see Mei hide a smirk. "But that's one of the things I love about you, how you help explain things that I miss."
Mei's ears turned red, and she decided to forgo reading her book instead press her arm against Yuzu's and lock hands with her before saying, "If I were better at it, we wouldn't be here."
"It's not like this is all on you," sighed Yuzu while she massaged Mei's hand. "I screwed up a lot too, but we're doing better already. We've been more attentive these past few weeks, and Airi seems happier, especially now that she's started at that new music school, and Hideki agreed to meet with us tonight, so we got that going for us too. But we also just started, and Hayashi-san said that this stuff takes time to stick, so we gotta keep going 'til the end."
"What if after we've finished this treatment, we end up right back where we were?" Mei risked pressing herself against Yuzu a little tighter but fought the urge to rest her head on the blonde's shoulder. "Do you think that's a possibility?"
"It is," said a familiar voice behind them, making both women jump while the woman standing behind them smirked.
"Hayashi-san," gasped both of them, who stood and gave a quick, polite bow to a shorter woman of just over fifty wearing comfortable slacks and a nice button-down shirt.
"We're so sorry," stammered Yuzu rubbing the back of her head, "did we miss the call for us to come back?"
"Luckily, you did not," smirked the woman, glancing at Mei, who was busy trying to straighten her long-flowing skirt. "I happened to be on my way back from getting a coffee and saw you two sitting here and figured since it's close enough to our start time, I'd grab you."
"So you're ready for us," asked Mei, trying to adjust her hair so the counselor wouldn't see her ears burning.
"I am." The woman smiled her the warm smile they'd grown accustomed to over the past month and gestured toward the office hallway. "Please, follow me. You'll be happy to learn that I managed to restock some of my snacks, so if you're feeling a little hungry, I have those and drinks as well. Though it looks like you're covered in that department."
"Anything you have is appreciated," replied Mei, following a step behind Yuzu. As they walked, Yuzu reached back, and Mei accepted her wife's hand. "How much did you hear?"
"Just the last bit," answered the woman frankly before opening her office door and allowing them inside. "And to answer your question, we can discuss those possibilities. The fact remains that this particular kind of help you are getting can become less effective over time. That's why we work within a certain time frame. However, if the situation calls for it, we can try again. It's not unheard of for people to return even after their suggested treatment. People have relapses, and life has ways of breaking us down to the point where we need help again. There's no shame in it, but as I said on your first day, we're trying to give you the tools to help guide you through those times. And from what I've learned and seen, you two are already well equipped; you need some fine-tuning."
"I don't know about that," chuckled Yuzu, taking her accustomed spot on the right side of the couch with Mei on the left. "You had us alone the first two sessions, so I'm sure you know we're not the best at handling much of this stuff."
"I will admit," sighed the older woman as she sat down in her plush chair across from them, "that you two have given me one of the stranger bits I've received in thirty years I've been doing this, but not the strangest."
"What's the..."
"I cannot tell you that," chuckled Hayashi as she gestured to the tray of snacks between them. "Patient confidentiality and all that, but please help yourselves, and we will begin."
Mei and Yuzu ignored the snacks and waited patiently for her to flip through her notes to find their page before asking, "So, last we left off, we were discussing some issues you were having with your daughter Airi?"
"Yes," said Mei nodding excitedly while Yuzu held her hand. "But we've been working with her, like you suggested, at least as much as we can right now. I've been leaving work earlier to get her from school to do things with her. For instance, yesterday we went to the library and the park before shopping for dinner. Also, we bought her a few pairs of shoes since she's already outgrown the ones we bought her in April."
"Growth spurt?" inquired Hayashi with a smile.
"Like her second one this year," chuckled Yuzu while Mei smiled. "We're going to buy her some new shirts and stuff this weekend too."
"Both of you," asked the counselor, looking up from her notepad. "Or is it just going to be one of you?"
"Mostly likely both," said Yuzu fidgeting in her seat. "I have a work thing Saturday morning to deal with, but there is a chance I might get roped into an all-day thing. Something about a shopping event in one of the locations where one of the cafes I run with Mei's..."
"Ex-husband," finished Hayashi without a hint of judgment. "It's okay to say it; I know about your family life."
"It's still weird to say," sighed Yuzu running her hands through her hair. "I'm not trying to be offensive, but we've talked to you a month, and we've had to spill a lot of secrets to you, and it's tough to trust someone who..."
"Isn't part of your immediate group?" Hayashi put her pen in the holder on her notepad and chuckled. "You aren't offending me, Yuzu-san. You're only saying what just about every person who's probably ever set foot in a psychiatry facility or office has ever thought to themselves."
"I know I'm not," sighed Yuzu, feeling exhausted even though they were only a handful of minutes into their session. "It's just that I thought..."
"It sounds like you're having the issues you told me Mei-san would have back in our alone session together." Hayashi made a few notes and then returned her attention to the couple. "Which is not to be unexpected, typically the fears we have for our partner also tend to manifest in ourselves, and I honestly expected this from you, Yuzu-san."
"You did?" Mei turned her attention from Hayashi to Yuzu, who looked dumbstruck.
"Of course." Hayashi straightened herself and continued. "As you're well aware, Mei-san, Yuzu-san has a very protective and nurturing personality. That much was clear from what she told me about her friendships. Not to mention how much of a vested interest she took in yours and your father's relationship."
"That is true." Mei smiled briefly and retook Yuzu's hand. "I think that's about when I realized that maybe she wasn't as annoying as I initially thought."
"Gee, thanks," snorted Yuzu, but she didn't bother brushing away her wife's hand.
"That is an admirable quality, Yuzu-san, to want the people in your life to be happy." Hayashi's voice was kind, but something else behind it caught Yuzu's attention. "It seems you and Mei-san share that quality, but for different reasons."
"I'm not sure I follow," said Yuzu, a little annoyed, while Mei remained quiet.
Hayashi coughed, set down her tools, and focused on Yuzu, not ignoring how Mei turned her gaze.
"Mei-san, do you mind if I tell Yuzu-san about your thoughts on the matter?"
"Mei? What's she talking about?"
Mei looked up from the tray of treats on the table, turned to Hayashi, and then to Yuzu, whose eyebrow was cocked in confusion.
"I didn't mean anything harmful by it," said Mei trying to reassure Yuzu before nodding at Hayashi. "If you feel it'll help, please talk about it."
"You're not going to tell me," Yuzu said, sounding hurt that Mei didn't want to explain her feelings.
"I am deferring to her because that is why we're here, Yuzu," explained Mei calmly. "Remember, we agreed we needed a neutral party to help us because our friends and family forget themselves when it comes to us. Unless you forgot what Himeko and Shiraho-san said to you."
"These two you're talking about are your friends, correct Mei-san?"
"They're friends to both of us," corrected Mei politely, "but yes, they tend to be more my friends than Yuzu's."
"That explains why Shiraho-san cornered Yuzu-san." Commented Hayashi after taking a note.
"That was what threw me off about the whole situation," explained Yuzu, forgetting her initial misgivings. "See, I thought she would be calm and collected like she usually is; seriously, you rarely see any emotion on her face, but not that night. That night she just cornered me, didn't listen, and made me feel like a bigger piece of crap. I expected it from Himeko, she's always had this jealous streak, but Shirapon, that was scary."
"Well, from what Mei-san said, she's one of the first few people who truly knew about your romantic connection, correct?"
"Yes." Mei nodded and blushed as she began playing with the ends of her hair. "Shiraho-san found out about it after...well, she and Yuzu met during summer school when Yuzu and I were first dating and hiding it from everyone. They grew close, and we all went to a festival together where I...I had to reject her because of certain events in my life and my feelings for Yuzu, but she promised to remain our friend. Honestly, after a few moments during the past few months, I don't think she fully recovered from the rejection."
"I see." Hayashi exhaled a large amount of air and raised her eyebrows. "That does add a level of complexity to why she did what she did."
"You gonna chalk that up to her wanting the best for someone she loves as well," joked Yuzu before realizing what she'd said and apologizing to Hayashi.
"You're fine." Hayashi gave Yuzu a genial smile, but a look in her eyes told Yuzu she'd hit a nerve. "But I think there is a connection. Given her attachment to you two and your history, I'm going to guess that, like when the inciting incident from last month happened, her emotions poured over. I believe she genuinely wanted to hear you out, Yuzu-san, but like Momokino-san, she may have had emotional blinders. She spent much of her evening with Mei-san without prior knowledge of the events. Saw someone she loved, and still does love in a way, in an emotional and physically drained state, and when she got you alone, despite her intentions, she forgot her self-control for a moment and took it out on you."
"I guess that makes sense," commented Yuzu while Mei nodded in agreement. "She did say she wanted to talk about it when she dropped Honoka off tonight, but what does that do with what you said about us and trying to make people happy?"
Before continuing, Hayashi offered them something to drink, which they both accepted, Mei a glass of chilled tea the same type as her bottled one so she could add it to her glass, and Yuzu with some water.
Taking a sip of her tea, Hayashi sat back down and got comfortable before saying, "Well, it comes from how your lives are. Yuzu-san, when you were a child, you told me people doubted that you were your father's child because of your hair. So you started dyeing it to make your mother happy because you saw how much those words hurt her. Not to mention that because she was single, you took on many household responsibilities from a young age to make sure she didn't worry about you, and you took on the role of taking care of your friend Matsuri while her parents worked, correct?"
"Well, yeah, but a lot of kids here in Japan do stuff like that." Yuzu shrugged and shook her head. "I'm not that unusual."
"I didn't say you were unusual," clarified Hayashi. "I said you had other reasons too. For many kids, it is an expectation to be independent to some degree. Going to the store, cleaning, and things like that are expected. But you not only took on those chores but also had to take on many others due to your mother's work. You saw how difficult it was for her and Matsuri-san from a young age. For your mother, part of it was expected, but it could be that part of you knew that if you couldn't do those things and do them well, she would feel hurt again, much like when people spread those rumors about her and part of you thought that maybe she would feel like a bad mother. And with Matsuri, you saw a kid in a similar situation to yours and inserted yourself as a surrogate figure so she would be happy and that she wouldn't feel lonely because part of you was lonely too. I mean, yes, you were independent, but a lot of kids have at least one parent around a large amount of the time, but you didn't. So do you think it's possible that what you did was partly to help you feel less lonely and better about your situation?"
"I mean, it's possible," muttered Yuzu as she stroked her chin. "I mean, I did a lot of things to make Mama feel better because I didn't want her to worry about me, and as long as she was happy, I was happy. I wasn't really upset when she married, though it was strange that she didn't say anything. But that was before I learned just how quickly Mama made that decision. But like I said earlier, as long as Mama was happy with her choice, I wouldn't argue. Same with Matsuri, although I didn't realize how much she relied on having me in her life. Though that situation took a long time to figure out."
"So you've said." Hayashi sounded frustrated at the mention of Matsuri but collected herself, then looked to Mei and continued. "Now let's apply a bit of the opposite to Mei-san if that's okay with you."
"I'm fine with it." Yuzu looked at Mei, who was looking nervous. "Are you okay with it?"
"Not entirely," said Mei honestly. "But I am still a bit confused, so I want to see where she's taking this because if it helps, then it'd be nice to have another level of understanding."
"All you need to say is no, and I won't pursue this part of our discussion. I want to discuss it, but I do not want to force it. We're still in the early stages and can return to it later if you'd like."
"Let's see where this goes," confirmed Mei, with a polite nod at Hayashi before returning her hand to Yuzus. "Please, I'd like to hear your opinion."
"Okay." Hayashi again adjusted her position before speaking. "Now, as you're both well aware, Mei-san was in a bit of an opposite situation. Her mother left and has had no contact; her father left and only communicated through letters. Your grandfather was, let's be polite and say he was present but also absent unless he needed something from Mei-san or to criticize her. So it's easy to see how Mei came to view relationships and things like praise and affection as transactional. If she excelled at the demands placed on her, Mei-san would get a reward or something she desired, and if she didn't, she would be denied it. The problem with that approach is that she came to view that with every relationship in her life. And while yes, it's true you can't get something for nothing, it shouldn't be the expectation regarding interpersonal relationships."
"That rings a bell." Yuzu shuddered as she remembered some of those early days of sharing a room with Mei. Nowadays, Mei might do things like to tease Yuzu, but it occasionally brought about bad memories. "But I'm still confused as to why any of this led to our fight."
"Well, let's take what we just discussed and apply it to what happened," suggested Hayashi after setting down her supplies. "You both agree that Shiraho-san, a person who possibly has lingering feelings for Mei-san, saw a person she loves and cares for deeply being hurt by another person she loves and cares for deeply. As you've said, this person has excellent control over her emotions. So much so that it's challenging to understand what she's sometimes thinking, correct?"
"Until you get to know her," explained Yuzu but nodded her agreement. "But yeah, she's hard to read; she says she has to be because of her family business dealings. But unlike Mei, she has her brothers around, so she wasn't always alone like us."
"Okay." Hayashi filed away that knowledge to add to her notes. "Now imagine having control like that shaken upon seeing a person you love and support being hurt by the person they chose over you. A person who promised to love and cherish that someone until their dying days hurt the one they let go. Imagine you're a close friend to the person who was hurt, and all the emotions of pain, frustration, and maybe even a bit of betrayal hit you at once, and suddenly you're feeling like a capped-off soda bottle filled with foil and drain cleaner."
Mei and Yuzu looked at Hayashi in confusion, and the woman sighed and said, "People use those items to...how do I put this? Let's say they're very combustible and loud, and they can set off car alarms, blow up mailboxes, and things like that."
"Oh," was all that Yuzu and Mei could say while giving each other nervous, periphery glances.
"My son did it once or twice," sighed Hayashi, knowing the only way she would get out of this was to explain how she knew what they did. "It caused us several headaches, and he had to switch schools, so believe me when I say I understand where you're coming from when discussing some of the issues you've been having. My therapist has heard plenty worse from his other patients."
"You have a therapist, Hayashi-san," asked Mei, a little surprised.
"I think most people in the field of psychology have to see one at some time or another." Hayashi grinned sheepishly as she explained herself. "It becomes difficult to process the things we hear and see daily, so it takes a toll on us. It also can become difficult to compartmentalize our work and our personal life. There have been times when I've approached my friends or family from a professional perspective instead of a personal one, and well, let's say I've been on my end of tongue lashings as well."
"So you're speaking with some experience," asked Yuzu with a grin.
"Many years worth," sighed Hayashi, giving Yuzu a tired stare. "But we're here to talk about your life, not mine, so can we return to that?"
Again Mei and Yuzu apologized and allowed Hayashi to continue.
"So, as I was saying, based upon what you've told me, Yuzu-san, when you and Mei-san had your argument, I believe you had a point with what you said about how Airi is feeling about her place in the family. Little things build up over time and eventually overflow or, to use my analogy earlier, explode, though Shiraho-san was on an accelerated course in her reaction."
Mei and Yuzu nodded in agreement as they couldn't find a reason to disagree.
"But your reactions and feelings are understandable and valid, and that doesn't make one of you the bad guy in this situation or a horrible partner when things like this happen." Hayashi looked to Yuzu and then to Mei as she spoke. "From what I've learned these past few weeks, your relationship has been built around secrets. You had to keep many secrets out of fear of being exposed. Because if it was, your love for each other could have been mocked, or worse, you could have been hurt physically and mentally if someone got it in their mind. So, I believe that you built up this type of defense mechanism at a time. Does this sound right, or am I grasping?"
"I'm not entirely sure." Mei looked to Yuzu, who shrugged.
"Some of it sounds right," agreed Yuzu after a moment's thought. "I mean, when we first started dating, things weren't exactly easy for us. You know, with school and how people would have viewed our relationship. So we had to put up false fronts, find ways to sneak around, and when we weren't alone, we had to put up this kind of mask of a happy relationship, even if at times we were miserable."
"Do you still do that sometimes?" asked Hayashi gently. "Put up the mask and always be your best self for your partner and children. Even when you aren't feeling that way?"
"Yes," said Mei, and Yuzu echoed. "But I'm sure you understand that we've tried to be more open and honest about it. Especially with our friends and family, but sometimes it's just easier to keep it up than deal with it."
"That is understandable." Hayashi's voice held no judgment as she spoke. "Your home situation when you first became romantically involved was not ideal, and neither were the societal and familial expectations that you were also carrying. Correct me if I'm wrong, but despite the amount of time and changes, you still run into some opposition?"
"We do." Mei's voice was quiet, but thankfully, so was the room, and they didn't have much difficulty hearing her. "We spent a lot of time when Hideki was young preparing him for when those situations arrived. He almost lost his best friend because of it. Not because we're women but because of our parent's relationship. That wasn't easy to come to terms with, but it worked out in the end. With Airi, it's been easier, but there have been other challenges that we weren't as prepared for."
"What kind of challenges," asked Hayashi sounding concerned. "Is it about your relationship?"
"That's part of it," said Yuzu, her hands shaking. "I think we've told you this, but Mei's family has been a big deal for a long time, so, eventually, people would find out about us, and we had to come to terms with people knowing about my mom and her dad, so that's always been an issue; the same thing with us being women. But you know, I'm from a sort of average family, and since I've known Mei, there's been talk of Mama and I just being after them for their money. But if they knew that our parents only knew each other for a day before getting married, that'd keep the rumor mill going. You'll keep that part to yourself, right?"
Hayashi blinked back her surprise before nodding and saying, "Patient confidentiality."
Yuzu nodded and grimaced at Mei, who rolled her eyes in response.
"But not only that but Mei's got these dinners and stuff she goes to. I have that I have to go to as well for work reasons. You know, networking, building up suppliers, contacts, stuff like that but me and Udagawa-san are small scale in that regard. We're small, so we can get away with being a little less refined, even though his family is up there with Mei's family in terms of money. But with Mei's business dealings, there's a lot more pressure to appear..."
"Affluent," inserted Mei as Yuzu tried to find the right word.
"What she said," chuckled Yuzu patting Mei's hand. "The people Mei works with are from big companies, trade groups, and families. They're the kind of people I would never have come into contact with if we hadn't met and didn't for a long time because of this one party I went to where I laid into this lady who commented about me being a gold-digger like Mama."
"You could have come back when I said it was safe to," said Mei, shaking her head and cutting off Hayashi, who continued to watch and take notes. "I told you countless times, Yuzu, that I would have loved for you to come. It would have made them easier, and Hideki would have had more fun."
"Do you go to these gatherings now, Yuzu-san?" Hayashi was writing again but remained focused on her patients. "Also, do you go to Yuzu-san's work gatherings Mei-san?"
"It depends on the day," answered Mei while Yuzu tried not to look flustered. "Hideki used to come to mine all the time, but we stopped for a short time shortly before Airi was born because of school also; they can run very late, and we feel it better for one of us to be home with the kids that late at night. But I go with Yuzu when I can, but the children can't, as they can sometimes be at drinking establishments. But the kids do come to mine, as do some of the children of my business connections."
"And how do they handle them?"
"Hideki handles them just fine," said Mei with a hint of pride. "I started taking him around Airi's age, and he's always understood what was expected of him at them. He may have gotten out of hand once or twice when younger, but he's very well-received at them. Though I've had to tell him that if he didn't want to go, he didn't have to. But he did, partially because of what we discussed earlier about wanting to make us happy."
Hayashi noticed Mei's embarrassment as she pointed at both her and Yuzu when explaining why Hideki still attended the events.
"Seems to be a bit of a pattern," chuckled Hayashi, which got a smile from Yuzu and Mei. "But what's the other reason he still attends?"
"Because Airi wants to go," explained Yuzu, her shoulders sagging. "Which is fine with us if she wants to go. We've told the kids that they can go if they want, but if they don't, we'll find a way to work around it. But Airi loves them; I think it's because she only sees places like that in movies. She said some places we go to look like castles and stuff from the kid's movies and animes she watches with us."
Hayashi commented on how adorable that was, and Mei and Yuzu nodded in agreement before being asked, "And does Airi receive the same reception as Hideki? From what you've told me about her, she sounds like a charmer despite her school problems."
"She...doesn't," explained Mei, her body deflating along with her pride. "I don't know if Yuzu told you, but that's one of the reasons we got into a fight."
"I'm not sure I understand; she's your daughter; why wouldn't she be welcomed."
"She's not mine by blood," explained Mei while a hand instinctively rubbed her stomach while Yuzu held her free hand and remained quiet. "Yuzu carried Airi because there were difficulties during Hideki's birth that made me afraid to carry again so..."
"So Airi is receiving some of the same treatment that Yuzu-san receives?" Hayashi looked at Yuzu, who nodded in defeat.
"Yeah, but there's more to it than that. Mei, are you okay if I show her?"
"Of course."
Yuzu pulled out her phone, flipped to a recent picture of Mei and them she'd taken using a selfie stick of them building a sand castle in the backyard earlier that week along with Honoka, and handed the phone over to Hayashi.
The counselor took the phone and smiled at the picture, a genuine smile from what Mei and Yuzu could decipher, and jotted down some notes before handing the phone back.
"She's lovely," said Hayashi sincerely before putting her pen down and focusing on her patients. "I sincerely mean that, but with what you've said and after seeing that picture, I now understand the situation better, which we will address. I've seen a lot of bad things in my time, but I can tell that despite how others have treated her, she is loved and well taken care of. You two should be proud."
"We are," said Mei as she began rubbing her hands together and avoiding eye contact. "But I fear that, at least on my end, I've unintentionally played favorites between the two of them and that Airi is starting to do many of the things you say we have regarding seeking attention and approval. Especially when it comes to me because it took a verbal lashing from Yuzu for me to realize it."
"Mei-san," said Hayashi with a voice firm enough to get Mei to look at her.
Setting aside her pad and paper, Hayashi allowed her professionalism to drop as she said, "You're a damn fine mother; both of you are."
Both Mei and Yuzu's faces blushed at hearing her words, but Hayashi didn't stop.
"There are people who stay together who clearly shouldn't, and I've had to testify with my professional opinion as their therapist. Sometimes I've had to pick one client over the other; sometimes, I've had to speak out against both, affecting everything from alimony to child placement. So I do not say this lightly when I believe you two can make it. You've proven that by recognizing weaknesses in yourselves and each other and wanting to improve. Not just for your children or your relationship but yourselves. You've identified the problem and are seeking new ways to fix it because you understand that the way you've been doing things hasn't worked as well as you thought. You are good mothers, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
"But what about all the mistakes I've made with Airi," asked Mei, squeezing Yuzu's hand. "I've neglected, ignored, and taken her into situations where she's heard awful things said about her. I had her stay at a school where she was bullied relentlessly because I was so wrapped up in my work and worrying about her brother that I..."
"I need you to breathe for me," interrupted Hayashi while Yuzu rubbed Mei's back as Hayashi led Mei through a calming technique.
"This is my fault," sighed Yuzu after Mei had regained control of her breathing.
"In what way," asked Hayashi while Mei sipped some water and continued holding onto Yuzu's hand. "Did you have any control over what those people would say? Or know how those children would treat your daughter?"
"I couldn't stop it from starting," agreed Yuzu with a shrug. "But I could have mentioned it to Mei sooner, and we could have kept Airi away from it. As for the school, I could have just asked Mei if we could pull her out of there sooner instead of subjecting her to months of hell. Instead, I just kept waiting and waiting and allowing it to happen until I finally lashed out."
"True." Hayashi sighed, catching both women by surprise. "I'm sorry if that sounded rude, but I'm not going to deny the truth when it's in front of my face. But you did not handle it well, that is a fact, Yuzu-san, but you know this. You both know you made mistakes, and we will address them in time, but as I'm not a specialist on children, I will recommend a friend to help with Airi's situation if you are fine with that."
Mei and Yuzu nodded, saying they would consider her recommendation before continuing.
"But to reiterate, you have both made mistakes, but mistakes many people before you have made and will continue to make. However, you have to deal with aspects of life only a tiny percentage of the world deals with, which can feel overwhelming on top of the other parts of your life. Yet, as I said earlier, you are good mothers, and I can tell you love each other very much; you wouldn't be willing to expose yourselves like this if those things weren't true. But again, you are taking steps to repair the cracks in your relationship, and believe me; you will have to keep doing that long after we stop talking. But you will be stronger for it and also have the tools to be able to do it. You must be capable of helping yourselves before you can help your children. Which is what we're here to do, okay?"
"Understood," whispered Mei, feeling her heart rate steady while Yuzu just nodded and continued to hold her wife's hand.
"Good," Hayashi grunted as she stretched before checking the clock. "Now that we've discussed more of what's at the core of your issues, we're going to spend our last fifteen minutes discussing some resolutions you can use, a few treatment ideas I have, and next week I want to follow up on that and work on areas you feel you're still struggling with."
The women were shaken by the shift in conversation but agreed. Twenty minutes later, they were headed to the car with a card from one of Hayashi's colleagues and a small series of notes on exercises the counselor wanted them to practice.