I stared at him. I couldn't believe that just happened. I looked back to his lips. I really wanted to kiss him again.

There was a loud sharp thwack as a branch or something else outside struck one of the boarded up windows causing Severus to jump from the couch and me to fall from his lap onto the floor. My head thudded against the table jostling the candle extinguishing its light once more. I moved my hand immediately to the lump already forming on the back of my head and rubbed. I became aware of the sound of footsteps. I patted my robes hastily for my wand and withdrew it with a whisper of lumos. The room was lit again and Severus was gone. I scrambled around the floor in search of him. I noticed his black haired head before it disappeared into the tunnel back to Hogwarts.

"Severus, wait!" I yelled after him.

I pushed myself off the floor and raced to the opening and jumped in. The fall was farther than I anticipated and my knees buckled and gave out upon my landing. I didn't trouble myself with getting up and began to crawl hastily on all fours through the winding tunnel hoping that I would eventually catch up to him. Rocks punctured my hands and knees and dirt stung as it collected in the fresh wounds. I saw a flash of black robes whip around a corner as I came around a bend. I pushed myself off the ground and raced after him.

"Severus!" I yelled out. "Just wait a second."

I was able to get close enough to him to almost grab his arm before I tripped on a large rock on the ground I hadn't noticed. I tumbled head first but was able to latch onto his robes. We both hit the ground the world flickered blue when my head hit the floor. I lifted myself up and even though everything was moving and my head throbbed I clawed at his robes as I crawled to where he was laying. I collapsed next to him level with his face. My wand was somewhere still casting the light of the spell.

I blinked rapidly urging my head to stop spinning. I could feel my brain throbbing behind my eyes and temples which made it hard to focus. I decided to not wait any longer and concentrated on his face as much as I could. He looked through me to the dirt wall behind me. This small gesture and the throbbing that made my head feel as though my brain was about to burst through my skull caused a surge of frustration and anger with him.

"What his wrong with you?" I asked as I brought my foot forward in a kick which made contact with his shin.

His face screwed up in pain.

"You can't just…kiss someone and then decide to be a jerk again!" I pushed his shoulder and my head throbbed worse with every yelled word. "When you decide how you want to act towards me instead of toying with my emotions let me know."

I lifted myself off the ground and was struck with a head rush so intense I almost fell back down. I fought through the vertigo long enough to find my wand before I made my way through the tunnel.

I immerged from the hole under the Whomping Willow and crawled to a snow pile out of reach of the branches of the willow.

With every throb of my head the world blurred and I felt an acute sense that I needed to vomit. I laid my head in the snow, closed my eyes, and focused on my breathing instead of the overwhelming feeling of sickness. I could feel the snow melting on my skin and the time between throbs increased. I felt as though I could easily fall asleep in the snow but every time I was close my head played the sensation of rapid movement and I jolted.

An overall dull pain waved over me like waves on sand. I no longer felt like throwing up so I opened my eyes and lifted my head out of the snow. I stared at the hidden entry under the willow and wondered if Severus was still in there or if he had left while I had my head buried. I decided I didn't care.

My fingertips stung with an icy burn and throbbed. I lifted my hands from the snow and even in the dark of night I could see how violent red my fingers were. It was difficult to open and close my hands. My fingers moved with more concentration than was normal and they felt numb and painful at the same time. I stood up and fought through shivers to brush the snow and wet from my robes before making my way back inside.

I entered the Ravenclaw common room which exploded with life and noise so different from the silence outside and in the halls. I walked through the commotion straight by the statue of Rowena and up to my dormitory.

I opened the door to find all the beds empty. I wasn't sure what time it was but it couldn't have been as late as I had thought. I sat on my bed and laid back so I was staring at the curtains over my bed. The door opened and closed.

"Oh, you're back." Susan said. "How was defense club?"

"Confusing." I said.

"But you're not going to give up again, are you?" She asked.

"I'm not sure." I said. "It depends."

"It depends on what?" She took a seat next to me on my bed.

"Someone else's decision." I said.

"So what? They're going to vote on whether you can stay in or not? That's stupid!"

"Maybe it would just be easier if I gave up so I can pretend it was my own decision."

"No, you are going to march in there and demand what you want."

I sat up and looked at Susan. "I am?"

"Yes, you are. You're happy with this club and I don't think you should just let someone else tell you whether you can or can't be part of it."

"I sound quite determined." I mused

"You are." She assured. "You love defense club."

My heart launched in my throat. "Woah, I'm not sure I love it…I really like it but I'm not comfortable saying love."

Susan lifted an eyebrow. "It's not like I'm saying you love a person. We're talking about a club…it's different to say you love an activity. I'm not saying to have to marry defense club."

"Ha. Yeah. Defense club." I swallowed my heart and felt it rattle in my stomach.

"Right." She looked at me suspiciously. "Tomorrow you are going to march up whoever is making this decision and tell them you are staying no matter what."

"Tomorrow?" I asked.

"Tomorrow." She said. "It shows initiative and that you feel strongly about it."

"Tomorrow." I agreed.

I woke up the next morning with the knowledge that I was going to have to stand up to Severus and tell him how I felt and what I wanted. I could feel the nerves bundled in my gut giving me a steady intense pang of sick.

I didn't hardly hear a word McGonagall said during Transfiguration over my worrying mind going over what I would say to him when the time came. I barely muttered at goodbye to Susan before we separated and I walked to the dungeon.

When he entered the classroom the ball of nerves making me sick turned to icy bubbling slime that washed over my entire body. I kept repeating my plan of action over and over in my head missing everything he said. I had never done that poorly on a potion in my life.

At the end of class everyone had some variation of blue potion in their vial. I set my stopped tube of brown still bubbling liquid on his desk. The substance had already begun eating away at the cork. He looked from the vial to me and I blushed profusely.

The class filed out quickly as they always did and I took extra time putting my things away. Finally the last person rushed from the room and Severus and I were left alone. I took a deep breath before flinging my bag over my shoulder and walking straight to his desk.

"Your potion is completely unacceptable, Miss Winston." He said without looking at me. "Five points from Ravenclaw."

My heart ripped in half at the use of the formal title. "Severus."

"I could be fired for this." He said after a few moments of silence.

I looked at him.

"For getting involved with a student." He continued. "You understand why this can't be, don't you?"

I'd thought about this already and nodded my head in agreement.

"You could be expelled too, you know." He added.

I nodded my head. "I know."

"Then why would you risk it?" He asked.

I shrugged, my confidence faltering. "I like you. You're unlike anyone I've ever known."

He rubbed his forehead with his hand but said nothing else.

I took his silence as my cue to leave. I cursed myself for giving up so easily but turned and headed for the door.

"Ruby." He said and I spun around at the sound of his voice.

I waited for him to speak again.

He gave a heavy sigh. "You know of the possible consequences of whatever this is?"

I nodded my head.

"I'm willing to see where this goes if you are." He said keeping his eyes on me.

I tried to play it cool but I grinned like a moron as soon as he finished his offer.

The classroom door opened and my heart exploded. I turned to see a group of students for his next class filing through the door.

I turned back to see Severus grabbing anxiously for my vial and held it up. "I hope never to see this kind of thing from you again, Miss Winston. It's inexcusable for a seventh year and I'm afraid I have no other choice than to give you detention for clearly disregarding any kind of direction I gave."

I nodded my head rapidly and turned on my heel. The students I past tried poorly to stifle giggles. I found it difficult to fight the smile that wanted to break through.

I'm willing to see where this goes if you are. I replayed his phrase over and over again through my mind the entire way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.