I sat in the chair looking out the window at grey skies. It had been a while since I had heard from Severus. He had sent a message a day after telling me that he wouldn't shut me out letting me know that I wouldn't hear from him for a bit and not to panic. I had expected a few days, but it was now the middle of August. I was beginning to panic.

Rain began beating into the windows as the dark skies finally opened up. It was early afternoon on a Saturday and I was at home alone. Over the past month, Charlie and I had been spending less and less time together. He was busy with work and with increasing attacks, I was busy with work as well. These were the reasons given for not being able to see each other, but I was certain that our relationship was failing and neither of us wanted to put it into words.

Even when we were together something felt off. He was rigid and awkward, we didn't find ways to touch or be close like we normally did. It had been weeks since we had even had sex. I could feel him drifting away, but I could feel myself doing the same. One of us should just make the decision to officially end it. I was sure he suspected me of sleeping with Severus even though it wasn't true.

There was a crack in the kitchen. I heard drawers opening and shutting. I got up from my chair and scurried noiselessly to investigate the commotion. I came to a stop and stood in the doorway and watched as Susan rifled through drawers clearly on the hunt for something specific. I watched her check a few more drawers as she muttered to herself.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She let out a surprised squeal. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here." I answered, coolly. "What are you looking for?"

"I didn't think you would be here." she said, still clutching her chest from the scare I'd given her. "I need to borrow your vegetable peeler."

"You know you can use magic for that." I told her, making my way further into the kitchen.

"I know but Laura has been really interested in cooking lately." Susan said digging in another drawer. "You have a muggle for a boyfriend, where are your cooking utensils?" I opened a drawer she had already checked and pulled out the vegetable peeler. "Thank you. Where is he by the way?"

"Who?" I asked, not tracking the conversation.

"Charlie," she said, "It's Saturday, why are you sitting in your flat alone? The only reason I came here is because I thought I could get away undetected."

I shrugged. "I think he had a meeting…no, a family get together? I don't remember what he said. I think we're breaking up."

Susan immediately took an apologetic stance before wrapping her arms around me in a hug. "I'm so sorry, Ruby."

"It's fine." I said, patting her back. "I'm not even sad. I feel bad that I'm not sad."

"But he's so great." she said. "Is there any way to save it?"

"I don't think I want to." I shook my head. "I love him but lately something's changed. It doesn't feel like it used to and, honestly, it would be a relief to stop this weird dance we're doing and just end it."

"What happened?" Susan asked. "You two were so into each other."

I couldn't tell her about Severus. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to tell her about Severus, not when she is still angry that he put her children in any kind of perceived danger. "Maybe this sort of thing just happens. He's been busy, I've been busy, maybe it's just not the right time for us."

"I thought you two would get engaged soon." she whined. "I want to plan another wedding!"

"Sorry to disappoint you." I patted her shoulder apologetically.

She took a moment to mourn my lack of a wedding. "Thanks for the peeler. Now I just have to figure out something to make for dinner so that Laura can use it and maybe realise that cooking isn't that great so I don't have to steal more things from you."

"You could just not steal things from me anyways." I suggested.

"I could," she paused, "but I think we both know I've been doing this for too long to stop now."

"How silly of me to suggest it."

"You really should know better." She said, flashing a quick smile. "Come over later for dinner if you want."

She lifted her wand and was gone with a crack.

I sat around the rest of Saturday watching the rain and trying to read a book I'd been meaning to finish. It was ridiculously hard to concentrate on the words I was reading inbetween the thoughts that were wandering to Severus. I realised I had not taken in any meaning from the words I had been reading for the past half hour. I closed the book and threw it on the coffee table. I sat in silence listening to the rain hit my window. I contemplated going into work to abate the loneliness I was feeling and to busy my mind with tasks other than mindless worry.

Ultimately I decided against it and went to Susan's house early. I was greeted with a high pitched screen when Laura saw me.

"Auntie Ruby is here!" she shouted, dropping her vegetable peeler and running to hug me.

Her twin brother Sam was quick to run in the room. "Did you bring us anything?"

"Is my presence not enough." I asked.

"No." he answered without missing a beat.

Nothing like the words of a twelve year old to wound you. "Well, I'll remember that next time."

Thomas peeked his head around the corner. He was fourteen now and too cool for everyone.

"Hi, Pookie." I called to him, still using the nickname I had used for him from his early childhood. I was met with an eye roll and a groan as he disappeared again around the doorway. "Oh, he's a charmer."

Susan laughed. "He loves you. That's the first time I've seen him all day."

Henry wandered into the room to see what all the commotion was about. "Ruby, it's been a while since I've seen you in this madhouse. Sorry to hear about you and Charlie."

I looked over at Susan who pretended to be engrossed with studying the mushroom she was holding.

I shrugged. "These things happen sometimes, I guess."

"Let me know if you're ever interested in any Quidditch players. I could maybe set you up." Henry winked at me. He knew I would never ask him to set me up with anyone.

"Oh, yeah." I agreed, my words dripping with sarcasm. "I'll take a look at some rosters and let you know."

I took a seat at the table where I watched Laura dutifully peel potatoes and then carrots. She never seemed to tire of the practice and when she was done she wanted to do more. Susan seemed somewhat saddened that her plan hadn't panned out. It was eight o'clock before dinner was ready because of how long the peeling took.

Thomas appeared again for dinner and everyone sat at the table. Soon Susan and Henry fell into a conversation that seemed to have been had many times.

"I just don't know if I want the kids going back to Hogwarts this year." Susan said unprompted.

"Hogwarts is safe." Henry argued with an edge that suggested he had said it many times before.

"It was safe." Susan leaned hard into the word was. "When Dumbledore was there but he's gone now."

"What would we do with the kids if they don't go to school?" Henry asked.

"I could teach them." Susan said. "I was a good student and I still have most of my textbooks."

"I'm not staying home with you all the time!" Thomas shouted. "I want to go back to school! I want to see my friends!"

"That's not your choice." Susan said sternly. "I'm the parent, I decide what's best and after what happened last year–"

"You can't make me stay home!" Thomas shouted one final time before standing up suddenly, causing his chair to tip backwards onto the floor. He then stomped from the room. A few moments later a door could be heard slamming.

Susan let out a sigh. I had been awkwardly sitting through this exchange with a forkful of mashed potatoes halfway to my mouth. I looked down and saw a small, folded bit of parchment sticking out of the potatoes on my plate. I tucked the corner down into the potatoes with my fork and looked around at Susan and her family to see if anyone had noticed. They seemed to still be in the discussion about the return to school. I used my fork to scoop out the bit of parchment. I wiped it with my napkin and unfolded it.

10 Tonight

-SS

My heart leapt into my throat and I tucked the note quickly into my pocket. I wasn't sure how he was sending these messages but it was an effective method.

Henry rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'll go talk to him." he sighed.

"Don't," Susan objected, "Let him have a minute."

"You're really thinking about not letting the kids go back to Hogwarts?" I asked.

"It's not safe like it used to be." Susan said in a defensive tone. "Everyone knows Snape killed Dumbledore and I guarantee he'll still be allowed to teach. What if he's grown a taste for murder and the students are next?"

"That's ridiculous." I said. "He's always had a taste for murder." The look I received from Susan let me know that what I said was certainly not appropriate.

"This isn't a joke, Ruby." she chastised. "He murdered the headmaster and you're making jokes about it. I understand that at one point you thought you were in love with him, but whoever you think he was back then is gone. That's giving you the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't always this way. I don't want my children in a school that allows someone to remain in a position of power."

Sam and Laura exchanged an incredulous look with each other. "Auntie Ruby was in love with Professor Snape?" Laura asked, a disgusted look obvious on her face.

"That was a long time ago." Henry assured her.

"He was just as horrible back then." Susan added with a smug smile.

"He was not horrible!" I argued. "You never liked him. You never knew him like I did. You never gave him a single chance. Even he was able to put aside his dislike for you when you were having problems with Mark. He offered to punch him. A person like that doesn't just murder someone!"

"You always turned a blind eye to his faults." Susan snapped. "Let me slow it down for you. HE. IS. A. DEATHEATER! He always was."

"Alright!" Henry shouted. His raised voice made Susan and I jump, I'd never heard him speak in anything but a calm tone. "Sam, Laura, do you want to go to the kitchen with me and get some ice cream?"

"They've hardly eaten, Henry." Susan objected.

"I think dinner is over." he snarked as Sam and Laura ran from the room to the kitchen. "Your conversation isn't exactly polite dinner conversation." He followed after the twins.

Susan turned back to me. "I'll never understand why you will never admit that you made a mistake about him. Fine, I'll acknowledge that he was probably very charming, but the worst ones often are. It's not your fault, but pretending that he isn't a bad person when the facts are laid out…That's not right."

I could pretend that I didn't have information she didn't have, I could have pretended to see her point, but if I agreed with her it felt like a betrayal. Susan never knew my Severus, it's possible she never will. "He's not a bad person and there is nothing you can ever tell me that will change my mind. Please, let's not talk about this again. I'm getting bored of having this same argument with you."

Susan crossed her arms before getting up from her seat. "I have to go check on Thomas."

Laura returned to the room with two bowls of ice cream. She placed one in front of me and took a seat next to me. "Did you really used to like Professor Snape?" she asked, curiosity brimming in her voice.

I nodded my head. 'I still do' I thought.

He had yet to say anything as we sat in the darkness of the Shrieking Shack. I sat in my usual spot with my back pressed against the sofa. Severus sat silently in a dust covered armchair, head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. A sliver of moonlight cut through the room, making him the only illuminated thing in the room. He had already been in this position by the time I arrived, the silence was already stifling and I was afraid to speak. The oppressive dark made time stretch. I lost track of how long I had been there and it was too dark to see my watch. He sucked in a rapid breath and I could hear the fabric of his robes as he shifted his position. I sat up straighter waiting for him to say something.

He stood up and looked at me; his dark eyes were striking in his pale, moonlit face. My heart fluttered at his sudden movement. He quickly tore his eyes from me and walked out of the strip of light. I watched as his shadowy figure paced back and forth. The sound of his robes was melodic next to his rhythmic paces. He stopped suddenly.

"I don't think we can do this anymore." He said, his deep voice slicing through the silence.

My heart dropped. "What do you mean?" I demanded, standing up. "You said you wouldn't shut me out!"

"I know what I said, Ruby," he reasoned gently, "but a lot has changed. I didn't understand what I was promising."

"What actual danger am I in?" I yelled. "No one knows that you even know me. I'm not important. I'm nothing."

"You're not nothing." He argued.

"I'm not important." I snapped. "I'm inconsequential. If we are caught…what value do I have? Would anyone care?"

"You're a muggle-born!" He shouted. "People are being sent to Azkaban for that! Your existence is an affront to everything he is working for, Ruby. If I am seen with you…it's not going to be good. You'll probably be tortured and murdered in front of me before I meet the same fate."

"Then we just need to be careful." I offered, my heart pounding in my ears. "I don't want you to be alone."

"Why?" He shouted. "It's not your job to save me, Ruby."

"It's not your job to save me either!" I quipped.

"I am going to save who I can!" he growled. "All Charity Burbage did was suggest that muggles and wizards weren't that different. She wasn't the perceived abomination that you are. Do you know where that got her?"

I shrugged. "I heard she resigned from Hogwarts."

"She's dead." Severus whispered. "I couldn't save her. She begged me, she pleaded for me to help her. We were friends. Voldemort killed her himself, it was like a fun game for him. Seeing her die…" He couldn't finish his thought. "I can't imagine if something like that were to happen to you." His voice was almost non-existent when he reached the last word. "That's why this can't happen anymore. I can't put you in this kind of danger. Meeting with me isn't worth it, Ruby. I'm not worth risking your safety, risking your life."

I heard him say these things, but my brain immediately argued that he was. He was worth risking everything for. He was risking everything for people who hated him, for people who would never fully understand what he did for them. Those whose side he was on hated him because they didn't know. Those on the side everyone thought he was a part of were suspicious of him and were waiting for the moment he screwed up and revealed himself for who he really was. I was more than willing to risk everything for him to not have to be alone.

I studied him in the dim light. Every time I saw him he looked worse for wear. The dark circles under his eyes looked like bruises and his cheeks were hallowed. I wondered if he was eating. "Do I get a say in any of this?" I asked calmly. "Or are you going to make the choice for me like I'm a child? I think you're worth the risk."

"So you're the only one that gets to make big decisions for both of us?" he asked, acid seeping into his tone.

I made a series of angry stuttering noises before collecting my thoughts. "And I have never regretted anything more in my life! Do you know how much I hated myself for what I did to you? A lot, I hated myself, so much, for so long, over one decision that I THOUGHT WAS BEST! You understand that, right? I thought I was doing the right th–"

Before I could finish, Severus closed the gap between us. He cupped my face in his hands and silenced me with a kiss. The flame in my gut I felt when I was near him burst into an inferno. My heart began beating in hard, rapid thumps. His lips pressed tenderly against mine and I remembered how he used to always handle me as though I were delicate and breakable. He pulled away slowly, letting our lips continue touching as long as they could. "Okay," he breathed, "No one-way decision-making. We'll figure everything out together and only settle on things we both agree on." I pulled him in for another kiss. I was never as gentle with him and he was with me. I always handled him as though he were air and I had been trapped underwater, taking him in long, violent gulps. I parted his lips with mine, deepening our kiss. I gripped the back of his neck with my hand and pressed him hard against my mouth. I felt his hands running up my hips sending jolts of lightning through me. He moved his lips from mine and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. "I missed you." he whispered in my ear. My entire body responded with goose-bumps over every inch of my skin.

"I missed you, too." I whispered in response.