Missing moment from "A Quality of Mercy," Strange New Worlds finale. How did she know he would never be the same?
A Snap, and Then Nothing
By Djinn
There was smoke and sparks
But she'd seen that before
More than she'd ever counted on
When she quit being a civilian
And took the Starfleet oath
She and Spock had made
Sparks of their own
Too strong to deny, even though
Both of them had others waiting
For them on home planets
"It's over," had never been relayed faster
Reactions never disregarded so fully
Nothing mattered to them
Except being together
In every way they could be
The bond was something she
Could never explain to someone
Who hadn't experienced it, not just
A sharing of minds but continual
Soothing awareness of a person
Even on landing parties gone
Horribly wrong, she'd been able
To feel him or he her
Their bond endured and therefore
So did they
Irony: a commitment-phobic woman
Like her finding the best romantic
Solution to be this all-encompassing link
This enduring-until-they-died bond
Who needed rings when they had this?
Until they didn't
Until the ship took a direct hit
Until the bond snapped
Like a rubber band pulled back and back
And then let loose
It had driven her to her knees
It had forced out a wail of "Spock!"
It had told M'Benga to send out a team
To find Spock and bring him back to her
She was barely standing when they did
And now he lies on the biobed
The captain is gone, the news delivered
And she watches her lover—her everything
Trying to decide what he would want her
To do, if this non-life is desired
And if not, she has a problem
The katra is everything but she
Can't capture it so if she grants him
Peace and no suffering
She might lose his most essential part
She can't live with that so as she
Works on others who can
Be saved, can be rehabbed
She spins scenarios
Most involve his death, some hers
Finally, when sickbay is quiet
With the kind of silence only
Exhaustion and too much blood
Can bring, she calls her: T'Pring
The only one who can make it better
The story takes only seconds to tell
"What should I do for him?"
For a moment, she thinks T'Pring will
Cut the comm, will tell her to
Figure it out on her own
But then her eyes go soft
And she says, "I will come to the
Medical Center and I will take
His katra home"—the unsaid
Chapel will pay for killing him
For sparing him, mercy killings
Are still killings, especially
When the experts will hold out hope
Unjustified hope now that the bond
Is gone, a snap, then nothing
"What if there's no katra?"
It's something that can only be
Whispered to this woman she hurt
"Then there will be nothing to take
Home and he is truly gone"
She makes plans, she accompanies
Spock to the rehab center, no one questions
It, nor do they try to stop T'Pring
They are given privacy and they use it
To stop his heart forever
"I have it," T'Pring says and Chapel
Feels a rush of jealousy that T'Pring is now
The holder of what's left of Spock's love
But then she sees—really sees—her face
And knows she lies and it's out of kindness
"I will turn myself in"—but before she can
T'Pring touches her cheek gently
"I have hated you for so long, now
There is only pity"—she doesn't tell her to
Live long and prosper: she knows better
Chapel sits with the body, has turned off the alarms
But still the machines are going off at the
Central desk and people rush in
Trying to help, then realizing they can't
All eyes turn to her
She pleads guilty to save time
The cell at the penal colony is small
She doesn't care, just thinks of Spock
Of how it felt to love him, she picks fights so
She can have confinement all to herself
She dreams of him; she feels him
But she thinks it's just wish fulfillment
His katra is gone, and the longer she's there
The less she wants to live
So she picks a fight she knows she won't survive
Death comes quickly because she stops
Fighting and there is only blackness
Until she feels him, next to her
The love she thought was gone enfolds her
As she turns to him, as wonder fills her
She realizes his katra died, but not his soul
Or whatever this part left of him is
Soul may be too human, when now they feel
Universal: "I'm sorry," are their first words to
Each other, followed closely by "I love you"