Perv, Pixie, Protector
By Mice
-
I said goodbye to someone that I love
It's not just me, I tell you it's the both of us
And it was hard
Like coming off the pills that you take to stay happy
-
-Hyperion Hotel, October 4th-
"It's begun."
"Swelligent."
Dahlia sat next to Jubilee in the solarium. "Bobby wanted me to
give you something..." She withdrew a letter from her bag and
handed it to Jubilee. "Just in case."
Jubilee frowned as she began to open the letter up. "I hope you're
amazing to him."
"Let me tell you, kid - I've loved him for longer than you've been
alive." Dahlia smiled and got up to leave. "They'll be okay."
Jubilee waited until she was out of sight to finish opening the
envelope with her name on it. There was a small drawing of a pixie
in her likeness on the corner. "Perv."
To My Pixie -
Words have never come easy when confronted with real emotions and
with you, there's difficulty. You have been an essential friend
and I crossed the line in that friendship. Protest all you want,
what I did was inappropriate though that does not mean that you
are not beautiful. I was a lucky man that night. I wish I could
remember all of it.
I know I have let you down so many times. You are much stronger
than I will ever be. I feel that I was always training to be a
super-hero - you became one with no hesitation. Because you have
passion. Something I may have never felt in my life.
I was born an empath but when I was seven, the pain of
experiencing other's emotions became too great and I literally
froze. I don't let people get close to me. Nobody knows me, just
the me I project that puts everyone at ease. I have to work so
hard at building up a facade of a person. If I had a choice, I
would crawl inside myself and never come out.
Your friendship was important because you never let me feel like I
was a failure. I wasn't a kid. You made me feel like a man. Never
forget that, Pixie, because not many people can do that.
That night...this is hard to admit because I was greedy for that
experience. I didn't think about how much it was going to hurt us
in the future - I had no idea that it would ruin our friendship. I
wish I could say I remember what you looked like or how you felt.
I wish I could tell you that you were beautiful or that it made me
happy. I can't tell you any of this because it wouldn't be true.
What I can tell you, Jubilee, is that I regret not taking better
care of your heart afterwards. Sex isn't what is important when
you love someone - for years, I thought that. It's what you do
when they need you after the fact. And I couldn't give that to
you.
I used to think of myself as your protector, the one who
understood you mentally better than anyone else. I come out of
this knowing that I still have a ways to go before truly knowing
what it means to have someone trust me with their heart.
I used to blame Annie for not loving me the way I wanted. I kept
trying to put her into this box I had that said "Girlfriend". When
it didn't work, I would go cold and blame her for it not working.
What I'm doing now is to earn her forgiveness and to become a
better man. I need to grow up and realize that women were not put
on this earth to torment me.
I am sorry for not talking to you for so long. It wasn't you, it
was guilt. Every time I heard your voice, it was a reminder of how
I fucked everything up. The more you pleaded, the more cold I got.
It's always been my game. I can't ignore it any longer. How can I
be a super-hero if I can't even be a man?
I do love you, Pixie. Not the way you wanted. I'm sorry. I'm
trying to make it right.
-Perv
-
If you think to yourself "What should I do now?"
Then take the baton, girl, you better run with it
There is no point in standing in the past
'cause it's over and done with
-
-Hyperion Hotel, October 4th - Earlier-
Dahlia caught her breath. "You're not Bobby."
"No," Drake'son agreed. "But I need your help." Drake'son handed
her a letter with a small pixie drawn on the envelope.
"Is this from Bobby?" she asked nervously.
Drake'son shook his head. "But you will tell her it is."
"Why?"
"If Bobby cannot do what needs to be done, then I will."
"And what's that?"
"Set her free."
Dahlia nodded. "I'll go find her."
After Dahlia left, Drake'son let out a long breath. "I am the
protector now."
-
If I could do just one near perfect thing I'd be happy
They'd write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes
On second thoughts I'd rather hang about
And be there with my best friend
If she wants me...
-
Lyrics: "If She Wants Me" by Belle & Sebastian