Pixie, Perv, Protector
By Mice
Part 2: Perv
Jubilee was thirteen (and a half) and had seen the world with Wolverine. She had learned things, like how to smile while rainbow colored sparks shot out of your hands, burning them. That's what Logan taught her, anger is a painkiller.
It also helped when in a town far, far removed from civilization and indoor plumbing.
Her family was rich and she had grown up a child of the city, Los Angeles. Accepter of the western orphans though Jubilee never thought she would become one. Her life had gone by very slowly up until the day her parents died. The amount of life changing information she received since that day pushed them further away.
Now she was in New York, the Angel of eastern orphans. She was the youngest and newest. And she was pretty sure everybody wanted to do everybody else. It borderlined on inappropriate. And this was from a thirteen year-old girl, filled with hormones and fireworks.
Since they got back from Genosha, some of the older members of the X-Men had moved in. And she had finally met Kitty Pryde. Kitty Pryde was a walking American Girl doll. Everyone loved her and wanted her. She wasn't even an orphan! And she had a dragon? Please.
PLEASE.
She walked to a boat house on the estate that was abandoned. It was crazy how much space was all Xaviers. Los Angeles was far from compact, but maintained a constant buzz. The silence here was annoying.
Cold water dripped on her head. Jubilee turned her head to the roof where icicles were melting. It had to be, "Frosty? Cold Bringer? BrrrMan? Robert Van Winkle? Blizzwizz? Chill Pill? Artic Bear? Penguin Pal?"
"Who are you talking to?" A man in an Alf apron came out.
"You! Guy who makes it cold." Jubilee traced a circle around him in the air with her finger. "That's your thing."
"Iceman. I make ice and I'm a man, How is that hard to remember?"
"Because you look nothing like Val Kilmer."
"I'll have you know that I've been told I look like a nice Val Kilmer."
"By who, your grandmother?"
"And other women!" He went back inside. "Come on in, I'm making hamburgers."
Jubilee went in. "Do you live here?"
"Nope. Just found this place. Never seen it before." He went to the stove where he flipped a few patties over.
"And you just happened to have stuff for hamburgers?"
"Well," he explained, wiping his hands on the Alf apron, "I was going over to where I thought Scott had his grill but it might have been moved after...uhm, the Cajun guy? Card Shark?"
"Gambit."
"Yeah! That guy! He tried to use it and Scott got really upset so I guess he moved it. I found this place, went to see if the appliances work and…" he shook his own hand. "It's like I'm the Annie Sullivan and my hamburgers are Helen Keller."
This made very weird sense to her. "I'm Jubilee, in case you're wondering."
He nodded. "I know who you are. Do you like ketchup?"
"On a hamburger?"
"On fries."
"I like vinegar."
"Perf."
"Why?"
"Because I have no ketchup."
"No, why do you know who I am?"
He began slicing a tomato. "Cuz you're the youngest. I always know who the youngest is."
"Perv."
"No, I just know how it feels. I was the first youngest here."
A light went off in her head. "So, you're one of the original Xavier 5?"
"Yep. We've been away for a while. X-Factoring it up. I guess we're back now. What kind of cheese?"
"All the cheeses." Jubilee stared at the food making man. "You're shorter than what I thought."
"Shorter? That would be what you noticed." He simmered mushrooms and onions on a separate burner.
"Well, there's the tall stick in the mud -"
"Scott. You'll warm up to him. He just takes all of this super seriously."
"His redhead -"
"No bad words about Jean. That's just a basic rule."
"The two blue guys?"
"Warren and Hank. Warren's the guy with the silver wings. He used to be so much fun...wore orange headbands." He sighed, taking out the hamburger buns from the oven. "Hank is the smartest guy I've ever known and is my best friend."
"And then there's you."
"And then there's me." He checked on his fries in the cast iron skillet and began to put them on a plate with a paper towel to blot the oil off. "Bobby Drake, CPA. Superhero. Amateur cook. What's your real name?"
"Jubilation Lee."
"You're messing with my head."
"The previous youngest was named Kitty Pryde, you really want to go there?"
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Maybe."
"Good enough. She kind of creeps me out."
"How so?"
"It's like...everyone either loves her or wants to...you know...love her." Bobby made a vaguely crude gesture with his lower torso. "That's weird, right?"
"Did you ever get any of that attention?"
"Hell no! And she gets a dragon? Please."
"PLEASE." Jubilee smiled. "So, are you X-Factor peeps here for good or just visiting?"
"Well...it looks like for good. Scott's brother is going to take over X-Factor now that it's all governmental and what-not."
"Eew, he has a brother?"
Bobby threw her a look. "Normally, I would rush to defend one of my oldest friends but seeing as how his brother essentially stole a girlfriend from me, eew away." Bobby handed her a plate of fries and a hamburger with all the cheeses. "Now, who is the woman with the auburn hair with a white streak?"
"That's Rogue. Gambit's all up in her business. Keep looking." Jubilee pointed to the vinegar behind Bobby and he handed it over.
"Damn it! Just my luck..."
"Betsy's all available."
"Not my type."
"Too much boobs?"
"No such thing."
"Got something against Asians?"
"I'll have you know that I am currently maybe-may not be in a relationship with a Japanese artist right now."
"Why maybe?"
"...haven't been able to talk to her in a few months due to saving the world...she might take it personally..."
"What about Storm?"
"I don't date goddesses anymore as a rule." Bobby lathered his hamburger with spicy mustard and took a bite. "Did you know she kicked Scott's ass? When she was depowered?"
Jubilee's eyes widened with new appreciation for her leader. "Bad ass."
"So, how old are you?"
"Thirteen." Jubilee puffed up her chest. "And a half."
Bobby frowned. "What do your parents think of all this?"
"My parents are dead. Yours?"
"Alive. In Long Island."
"Since you were one of the originals, I guess you didn't get to be Wolvie's sidekick…"
"Yeah, I don't think that an angry Canadian with claws would even be able to spend five minutes without wanting to shut my face. I've been told I have a mouth on me…"
"I remind you, I'm a thirteen year-old orphan who grew up rich in Los Angeles and traveled with him to rural China. I've lived to tell the tale."
"Well, then, cheers." Bobby held up his hamburger to toast her. "To the youngest X-Men."
Jubilee held up hers. "To the youngest and mouthiest X-Men."
"Who are not Kitty Pryde."
"And deserve dragons of their own."
They toasted and continued to eat.
"What would you name your dragon?"
"You don't get to name the dragon," Jubilee answered with a mouthful of food. "I checked. Because I would totally name my dragon Chipotle."
Bobby nodded thoughtfully. "That's a good name."
"You?"
"Little John."
"Little John? Are you kidding me?"
"Well, if I had a dragon, it would obviously breathe fire, right?"
"Obviously."
"So, since I am the Iceman and I'd have this awesome firebreathing dragon on my shoulder, I would obviously name it after my friend and opposite, Johnny Storm."
"Would he name his dragon Little Bob?"
Bobby wiped his mouth. "I faxed him a legally binding agreement on it. Our headquarters blew up while I was waiting for him to fax it back, but he knows."
The two ate in silence for another moment.
"…do you want to try it again? Because, the fact is, he could get a dragon tomorrow and name it whatever he wants."
Bobby stared at her and her wonderful logic filled head. "Thirteen and a half, huh?"
"Stop dwelling on it, Perv, and get me a pen. We'll get this over to him as soon as we're done with our fries."