Pixie, Perv, Protector

By Mice

Part 5: Wolvie

Takes place between Citizens of Mondagreen and The Kids' Table.

Splat!

Scrape. Scrape. Scrape.

Splat!

Scrape. Scrape. Scrapey. Scrape.

"Thanks, Logan."

"Don't mention it."

"I mean, I could have done it myself-"

"Sure."

"I'm very resourceful."

"Yeah, well, next time you decide to punch a hole in the wall…" Splat! "Choose one that isn't made completely of drywall."

Scrape. Scrape. Scrape.

Jubilee pouted as she watched Logan slowly patch up a three foot long hole in the wall with a view to the other room. "It's not my fault that my right hook was taught by the best at what he does."

Logan grunted with approval. "Darlin', you don't even know what it is I'm the best at."

"After a gazillion trips through Asia with you, I've narrowed it down to punchin', drinkin', and singin' Sinatra."

"Not a word on that third."

"Keep plasterin', Frankie, or someone's rendition of "Summer Wind" is going viral."

Splat!

"Where you movin' to after this?"

"Back in with Annie. Just until the semester is over and then I'm thinking of going back to Xavier's."

Scrapey. Scrape. Scrape.

"I mean, I didn't even want to move out of here, but Hannah said that she needed the room for someone else."

"That's right. Drake's getting out of rehab next week."

Jubilee's lips went tight and her face remained still.

"Guess nobody told ya."

She relaxed and put on a smile. "I'm sure everybody has better things to do than to tell me when our very own Lindsey Lohan checks back into town...and then his grandmother kicks me out of her house without telling me that it's for him."

Splat!

"How is he?"

"Don't know." Scrapey scrapey scrape. "I only saw him once."

"You got on the visitor list?"

"Nope. He broke out."

"Bobby broke out of rehab?" Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Moron. What happened?"

"Hitch hiked from Rochester back to the mansion. I was the only one who saw him."

"How did he manage that? Spontaneous ninja prowess?"

"Told him what I would do to him if I had to see Jean's heart break all over again."

"You said that to him?"

SPLAT. Scrapey scrape scrape.

"I'm more of a shower than a teller. Hand me that two by four."

Jubilee handed him a piece of wood before sitting on the floor to sulk.

"Your sex life is your own business."

"…please tell me Kitty did this when Doug Ramsay made her go into heat…"

"I made promises to people that I'd talk to you about sex."

Jubilee knew immediately who he meant. "I don't think that's what Jean wanted you to say."

"If Red thought you'd listen to her, then Red would be talkin'. She said I was your father figure and I needed to be the one to straighten you out. So I'm doin' it my way."

Jubilee looked at the mirror on the closed door. She had always expected it to be Jean to give her the awkward sex talk. The only other person who had even touched the subject with her was in a state mandated health talk by the White Queen and Banshee. Sean had held it together with minimal blushing until Emma had said, The only lambskin in a purse you should ever receive is a Chanel handbag.

That talk was only awkward for Sean. Aspirational for Paige.

"So, is that the whole talk?"

"No." Snikt. SLICE. "It's this - don't fuck fucked up men. Don't fuck fucked up women. Don't fuck while fucked up."

He's so casual saying it, she thought. He's not even embarrassed to be saying them around me. She felt embarrassed by the quick fantasy of an overprotective Wolverine who didn't want his little girl exposed to s-e-x.

"So…I shouldn't fuck at all?"

"No." Logan slid the sliced two by fours into the wall for a sturdier construction. "Just don't fuck like it's a drug."

"I didn't sleep with Bobby because I -"

"Drake's fucked up, Jubilee."

She shook her head. "He wasn't. Not when we were together."

"Just because he looks like a sheep don't mean there's not a wolf underneath."

"I know it was a mistake, you know. I'm not Boom Boom."

"Boomer."

"Meltdown this month, actually." Jubilee laid down on the hardwood floor. "Whatever. I don't have this teeny bopper, poodle skirts and saddle shoes crush on him. It's just that…he reminds me of my dad."

"Drake reminds you of your immigrant Chinese father made millionaire doctor?"

"It would make more sense if you understood my father's passions. One time, I was six or something. We went to a party of one of the neighbor kids. There was an elephant giving rides."

"Okay."

"His mother was Barker Beauty and his dad did advertising for Coca-Cola. It's Beverly Hills - they were the poor couple on the block. For my tenth birthday, my father reunited Ace of Base."

Splat.

"Anywhodini, point being, I didn't want to be on the elephant."

"Let me guess, he didn't force you which is why I had to teach you that nobody cares about what you want?"

"Accurate. But leaves out the part where nobody wanted to ride the elephant. We were six. We hadn't even pinned a tail onto a single donkey yet because the adults didn't trust us with thumbtacks. Let's ease into "elephant riding", y'know? So, all the kids are crying, but not me. My dad asks me why and I tell him that they're afraid of falling off. He tells me about the saddle and harness and that it's safe - I said I saw but that's not what I'm afraid of. I tell him that I'm afraid that the elephant and I are going to bond so well during our ride that we would be unable to be separated afterwards and that the elephant wouldn't be happy in our backyard…and I didn't want to ask him to buy a new house just because I wanted an elephant."

"Does this anecdote end with butterscotch sundaes?"

"No. My dad listened to me and then took me to the elephant and explained to him that under no circumstance, it was not to bond with me."

"Seriously?"

"Then I made him do it in Mandarin, German, and Esperanto. Well, actually, he elected to do Esperanto - he had just learned it and said he wanted to take the opportunity to practice."

"So did you ride the elephant?"

"We both did. Strangely, my father felt a bond with the elephant and kept hinting to my mother that maybe we should move to a new house with a more elephant-friendly backyard."

"Did it work?"

"Hell no. My mother did not let that shit fly. She bought him a karaoke machine and he soon forgot about the elephant and focused on mastering "Careless Whisper" by Wham! My dad was…" Jubilee's voice trailed off, having not thought of her father in some time. "He saw the world I saw." Her heart slowed as if it were beating in quick dry cement. "You remember when I went back in time and saw the hit-men kill my parents? And how I couldn't kill them? Because I knew that it wouldn't bring them back. And now…the only other person who sees the world like I do won't talk to me because of something stupid we both did." Jubilee shook her head. "I can get past it…why can't he?"

"He's a coward. You're not." Logan handed her a spackle sander. "Move on."

SPLAT!

Scrape, scrapey-scrape.

Hannah Bass stopped at the door in the hallway and looked inside. "I decided against the wall. The previous owners created it to make a separate room for a sex dungeon."

Jubilee smiled as Hannah left. "I can't believe I lost my virginity in a former sex dunge-"

CRASH.

The drywall crumbled on the floor and wet spackle covered Logan's hand.

"Hey, stop that! You bought me that sledgehammer just in case she said we could knock the whole thing down!"

Logan stepped aside as Jubilee grabbed tool. "You get three whacks at this pinata and then I'm gutting it."

"You know, you don't always have to use your claws for everything. She has a chainsaw." Jubilee pointed to the chainsaw lying next to the day bed.

Logan picked it up, started it, and motioned back to the wall.

Jubilee lifted the sledgehammer and struck the wall, watching the drywall crumble to dust on the floor.