Pixie, Perv, Protector

By Mice

Chapter 7: Perfect Feathers, Esq.

"You haven't ever had a real job, have you?"

"A real job?"

"Aside from being just you but professionally."

"Professionally?"

"Wear nice pants."

"I always wear nice pants."

"Except when you're not wearing pants."

"Those are the best pants of all."

Marshmallows browned.

"I do."

"What?"

"Have a job. Several. I'm the chairman."

"Of?"

"Does it matter?"

"Kinda. I mean, there's a difference of being a waitress at the Prairie Inn or a woman who's a mistress."

"There's an obvious difference."

"They're both waitresses, obviously. But the Prairie Inn girl doesn't have to be married to her job."

Graham cracker toasted.

"I'm a mistress."

"Warren Worthington, Professional Mistress. I'll have your cards printed right up."

"That's Warren K. Worthington, III—"

"Oh, nobody cares. That's just more work to write out. It's like a lawyer calling themselves Esquire."

"Good heavens, you're right. Nothing worse than an American insisting they call you a landowner in England."

"Per Betsy?"

"Per me."

"Was anything per Betsy?"

"Everything else."

Cold British chocolate.

"What's her number?"

"I cannot reveal that."

"She isn't a ten?"

"I cannot reveal that."

"How is Betsy not a perfect ten? With telepathy?"

"The truth."

"Is there any other female who is a perfect ten—"

"Like myself?"

"…sure…"

"Of course. And usually they are very boring."

"A ten? Be boring, huh?"

"Well, how do you handle someone who insists that there is no way you are better than them?"

"There's always 'humanely'."

Smoosh.

"Annie, is this about you being a 8.73?"

"Remy says I'm a 10."

"Yeah in "his" world. That's treacle. I am truth."

"Are all 10s this humble?"

"Yes, that's why it's so boring."

"So, you're saying maybe it's not best to be a 10?"

"No, you have to be a 10 - how else do you deal with this world?"

"That's your mother talking."

"Kit Worthington, the only woman capable of birthing the one true ten."

"Tell me the story about her saddest night?"

"I was —"

"As her. Please."

"Warren Kenneth, when there are finger sandwiches about we must be brave. Have Sweetie tell Tika that dinner will be in unsweetened fruit liquid form? For you. I'm having non-dairy protein cheese. It's a Tuesday, afterall."

"Seventy-two pound cannonball of joy."

"I wish she could have met you."

"She would have thought I was the maid."

"She would have thought you were the mistress."

Crunch.

"I fuff foo."

"Love you too, Feathers."

Crunch.