Chapter 12

Beca's POV

"So I've been thinking of changing my name," Amy announces, taking my attention off of Chloe and onto the bigger girl. She has her head held up high and is waving her hands dramatically trying to get everyone's attention.

"What name are you thinking?" I ask and Amy turns her head my way, staring at me with wide eyes.

"You ready for this?" I nod. "Fat Amy." There's silence as everybody takes in what she said.

"Um, why?" I'm the only one who can ask this as everybody else is still in shock.

"So twig bitches like you can't do it behind my back." This pushes everybody out of their shocked state and laughing. I watch all of this, keeping my usual blank expression. I actually find it funny but can't bring myself to laugh. Laughing would give them all an opening into my heart and even though I'm trying to be a better friend, I'm not ready for that yet. One day, I will be.

As they all joke around and laugh, my gaze drifts over to Chloe, who's in a serious conversation with her friends. Trying not to be too obvious to my friends, I direct my hearing toward her group.

"-not a good idea?" Chloe whines. "If I talk to the principle or something, they may let me do it. All I have to do is come up with a good speech so that way he can't say no."

"Chloe,"Aubrey starts. "With what we read, I doubt that it will even be possible."

"Watch me." My lips turn up in a small smile at the fire in Chloe. Damn.

"We're not saying you shouldn't try,"Stacie comforts. "We're just saying that you shouldn't be too broken hearted if they reject your idea." Chloe sighs.

"I know. I know." At that moment, Chloe looks up and our eyes meet, sending tingles racing up and down my body.

"Just go over there and kiss her already," the black girl comments and I snort. All of my friends turn toward me and I take my gaze from Chloe's. Jesse sends me a knowing smile and I growl too softly for any human to hear.

"So Beca?" Emily whispers. "What happened at the foster home? You never told us." I glance at Amy, trying to convey that I can't speak about it with her around when Amy suddenly gives me a huge grin.

"I know what you guys are," she brags. "These guys told me a while ago." My head snaps sharply to the side and I glare at the others.

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"She literally figured it out herself. We were all hanging out when she told us she knew that we were different and would go to the government if we didn't tell her. We tried to tell you but just figured it didn't really matter." Jesse's voice fades and I look down at my hands. I'm such a bad friend that I couldn't help them when they needed it. I'm always in my own world, too self absorbed and afraid of being hurt, that I don't know anything about them.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. They all just nod, knowing that I mean it and it's all I can say right now. Everybody talks while I continue to think about how I've known these people for years, but don't actually know anything about them. My thoughts are soon interrupted by the scent of strawberries and comfort of my mate.

"Hi," Chloe smiles at my friends, giving them a little wave. "Could I sit for a second?"

"Of course,"Amy yells and I can see Chloe wince a little. Chloe sits in front of me and grabs my hands.

"So, I was thinking you should come over to my house tonight."

"You came all the way over here to ask me that?" I smile adoringly at her as she blushes.

"Yes. Now, since we didn't see each other all weekend, we need to do some catching up."

"What if I have to work? Are you going to kidnap me again?" Chloe squeals and slaps my arm lightly.

"I did not kidnap you. I told you to get in my car which you did willingly. You should be real careful about that by the way. I could've been a serial killer."

"Like you could kill anybody."

"Pff." Chloe leans forward, like she's about to tell me some big secret. "Little did you know I kill pretty, small brunettes. Ones with tattoos and piercings." I grin and raise an eyebrow, only taking one thing out of that.

"You think I'm pretty?" Chloe sits back and blinks. Her eyes widen as she seems to take something from my expression.

"You don't?" Now it's my turn to sit back, surprised. "Oh my god. You don't. How is that even possible?"

"Um.." I'm at a loss for words, not sure what to do. I don't necessarily think I'm ugly or anything, but I don't think of myself as pretty. Just plain.

"Beca, I…" Chloe stares into my eyes and I'm mesmerized. "I have to get to class." Blinking out of the trance, I notice that almost everybody is gone, heading to class. Chloe walks away, looking back at me several times before she exits the cafeteria. What just happened?

….

A few hours later, I'm standing in Chloe's kitchen, watching as she rapidly grabs stuff out of cabinets and drawers. She decided that as soon as we got to her house after school, we were making cookies. Hopefully, she knows what she's doing because I sure as hell don't.

"So Beca, tell me about you."

"What do you mean? You already know me." Chloe spins around, putting her hands on her hips with an annoyed expression.

"No, I know a few facts about you but for the most part, we've talked about me."

"I like hearing you talk though." Bright, blue eyes soften as they watch me.

"But I want to hear about you. What makes Beca Mitchell who she is?" Those eyes sharpen as she glares at me. "And I don't want no silly answer. Think about it." As Chloe continues to get the batter together, I think. What makes me, me? How do I tell her the answer to that when I don't even know?

Thinking hard, I go back to the most crucial part of my life, when I changed. Before my parents attempted to kill me, I was a happy little girl, outgoing and excited for life and the things to come. After that day though, I just stopped….feeling. Everything that was thrown at me was blocked by the walls I put up, sinking into them, never reaching me. I know that one day, my walls won't keep the hurtful words or actions out and when that happens, I may not be able to handle it. My eyes follow Chloe as she moves around the kitchen. If I tell her, would she help me when that happens? Would she hold me while I slowly fall until I hit rock bottom and after, would she pick up the pieces? Maybe she could put my broken self back together, but in order for that to happen, I have to let her in. So I do.

Getting up, I walk over to my bag. Slipping my hand into the front pocket, I feel around the edges for the little hidey spot I cut into it years ago. I find it and take out the folded picture I had stuffed in there. Chloe eyes me as I walk back and sit down heavily on the stool I was previously sitting on.

"You want to know what makes me who I am?" Chloe nods. "Well, they did." I unfold the picture and hand it to Chloe. It's the last family picture we took. I had just turned 8 and was in a little phase of pink dresses and braided pigtails. I'm standing in between my mom and dad as they crouch down, each kissing one of my cheeks. My smile is so big, it practically takes up the whole photo.

"Is that you?" I nod and Chloe takes my hand. "You were so cute."

"Was not."

"Yup! You still are too." Chloe beams and I just smile, knowing that she would win this fight. "So, tell me about them."

"My mom was the best person in the world to me. She did everything a mother should do. Tucked me into bed and told me bedtime stories. We only ever had one tradition that only we did. Once a year, my mom would get off of work and pull me out of school early. It was always on a school day. That was one of my requirements." Chloe chuckles and I continue.

"We would just drive until we found something fun to do and every year it was something different. That last year, we drove in a different direction and actually got lost. We didn't realize that it would just be an endless desert road so we were gone for a day before she called my dad to come to us. Later that night, she came to me in tears apologizing that we didn't get to do anything fun. So I took her face in my hands and told her that I had so much fun just being with her and getting to joke around. Our plan was to do the same exact thing the next year, but we never got to."

"She died,"Chloe whispers and I confirm what she guessed. "What about your dad?"

"He wasn't there very often. Too busy working but he made sure to see me every night. A lot of the times I would stay awake for hours just waiting for him to come home and kiss me goodnight. Anytime he had a day off, he woke up early and made me breakfast which was always in funny shapes. Than, we would all go do something together." My voice cracks as I stare at the picture in Chloe's hand.

"That photo was taken a week before they died. They both insisted we do one more family photo and at the time, I was obsessed with having my picture taken so I was ecstatic. We went to a friend and stood in their backyard while he took our pictures. There were more but this is the only one that I was able to keep."

"Why? What happened?" I look up at Chloe's sympathetic yet curious gaze. Telling her that would entail telling her everything. Even what they did to me. I decide to take a leap of faith.

"It was supposed to be just a normal day. My dad had a day off so he did his usual breakfast for me, but instead of going out together, he made me stay at the house."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah. It never occured to me how weird it was to leave a 8 year old by themselves until I learned what they did. For several months, people had noticed how they had been acting a little strange. More distant from everybody. That day, my parents went out and killed several people."

"Oh my god," Chloe gasps, bringing her hands to her face.

"The survivors said that they were spouting out random crap, not making any sense. Someone was able to call the cops and when my parents heard the sirens, they came after me."

Loud sirens fly by the house as I hum, playing with my barbie and brush her hair. Mommy got it for me just yesterday, but I have get her ready before introducing her to all my other barbies. Her long, blond hair flows down her back as I stroke it with the brush.

"You're so beautiful. All my other barbies will be so jealous." I turn the barbie to me and make her nod, than go back to brushing her hair. The door suddenly flies open, hitting the wall with a bang, startling me. Mommy and daddy rush in, shutting the door behind them. Excited, I stand up holding my barbie to my side.

"Mommy, daddy!" I run toward them but am taken aback when they shove me to the ground. "What's wrong?" It's then that I notice their disheveled hair and clothes soaked with blood. Are they hurt? I quickly scramble to get up..

"You're bleeding. I'll get some band aids." I scurry on my little feet toward the door but am stopped when a hand grabs the back of my shirt, throwing me to the ground. I stare at them wide eyed and confused.

"Hold her down," Mommy demands, her sharp voice piercing my ears like the needles they use at the doctor. My dad goes behind me and grabs my arm, yanking them painfully until I fold them at my sides. My grip tightens around the barbie, determined not to let it go. He sets his big hands on my shoulders, pressing me down on the ground.

"We're caught," Daddy's hushed whisper sounds panicked like the time I ran out into the road and almost got hit by a car. He yelled at me afterwards making me cry and then took me out for ice cream as an apology. I have a feeling though, he won't take me out for ice cream this time.

"I know. That's why we have to save her before she becomes the poison they all are." There's no answer, just heavy breathing as my mom sits on my legs, crushing them.

"Mommy, you're hurting me!" My mom ignores my panicked cry and grabs something from her pocket. She flicks it open and I gasp a little at the sight of the knife.

"Mommy?" Tears stream down my face as I try to make sense of what's happening. Why is she hurting me? Did I do something wrong? Mommy leans down, pressing her lips to my ear.

"You're going to be safe soon, my darling. Nobody can hurt you now." Then, there's a sharp stinging in my stomach. My mom sits up and I see the knife covered in blood. Did she cut herself? The stinging in my stomach intensifies to a burn and I look down. My pink princess dress is now a dark red. Horror fills me as I realize that she hurt me. Panicking, I start to squirm, trying to get away. Full sobs rack my body.

"Don't make it worse, sweetheart," Daddy cries as my mom stabs me again. I cry harder with each hit until the door flings open again, this time revealing the cops. A loud bang fill the room, hurting my ears and making it to where everything is hard to hear. My mom suddenly falls forward, slowly sliding to the ground beside me. Her dull eyes stare into my pain filled ones as blood pours out of the hole in her forehead. My dad gets up, screaming and threatening to kill them when another bang goes off. And another until my dad falls to the ground, not getting up again.

"D-daddy?" I whisper, my voice fading. Everything starts to go dark and the last thing I see is my barbie, still clutched in my hand. It's no longer beautiful though, but covered in blood, just like me.

Tears stream down my face like a waterfall as I finish my story. I haven't told that to anyone since the police questioned me after I woke up from surgery. Scared of her reaction, I look up. Chloe is crying quietly and when she notices that I'm watching her, she envelopes me in a hug.

"That's..that's just horrible," she whispers into my hair as I bury my face in her neck. "No parent should ever do that. I'm-I'm so sorry." Her voice cracks and I pull back, gripping her shoulders.

"It's okay. It's in the past."

"Yeah but it's your past." Her words hit me hard. There are days I hate my past and my parents, but if it wasn't mine, it would be someone else's. I wouldn't wish this upon anybody.

"You look so different in the picture." I nod.

" ..I shut down after I woke up in the hospital. I haven't been anything like that little girl since."

"So your parents really did make you who you are," Chloe comments softly. "Do you-do you have scars from that day?"

"Yeah. They faded a little but they're still there."

"Can I see them?" There's a shy tone to Chloe's voice that makes me say yes. I lift my shirt up high enough for her to see. She slowly reaches her fingers out, trailing them over the scars. I suck in a breath and she fixes her gaze on me.

"They're ugly. I know." I look down, more tears welling up in my eyes. Chloe puts her fingers under my chin, making me look her in the eye.

"Beca, they're a part of you and no part of you is ugly. All I see is beauty."

I look at this girl in front of me and think of how much she's wrong. The real beautiful one is her. She doesn't know it but I'm a monster and a person with such beauty doesn't belong with a beast like me.