Chapter 29

Chloe's POV

My heart seems to literally break when Beca closes her eyes and doesn't open them again. Throwing my head back, I wail as I break, shattering until all the pieces fall to the ground. Tears fall down my face like rain in a thunderstorm and there's no stopping them. I hold Beca's head to my chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

Why did she have to die? I thought we had our whole lives together even when I figured out about Joyce's vision. Now, Beca will never get to graduate high school or fill out college applications. We'll never look at apartments together or houses. She'll never propose to me and I'll never get to say yes. Oh how much I would love to say "yes" and "I do".

My wailing seems to get louder but eventually, I can't hear it over the roaring in my ears. My whole body shakes with grief as I clutch onto Beca tighter. Even when strong hands pull me back, I don't let go. When my mom wraps her arms around from behind, whispering in my ear to let go, I do and grab onto her like she's the only thing keeping me grounded.

When Mr. Swanson and Dr. B lift Beca up, everything seems to stop and there's this strange ringing sound that hurts my ears. Seeing Beca's whole body just hanging there limp like that makes my body go cold and the edges of my vision start to go blurry. My mouth seems to move but no words come out and suddenly everything goes sideways as the world fades away.

…

Blinking, I open my eyes, wincing against the bright light. When I move, the bed seems to crackle underneath me and I look down surprised to see that I'm in a hospital bed. Everything is white but as the memories flood back through me, all I see is red. So much blood was spilt and for what? Beca to die, leaving me all alone. What's going to happen to me? Will I go crazy like her or just in my own way?

When my dad died, I thought that the pain was horrible, but it's nothing like this. This pain is unbearable and I'm not sure I can live like this. Live without Beca who was my heart which is now gone along with her.

"Good morning baby," my mom whispers from beside my bed. She leans forward and strokes my hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I want to die," I say sharply and she winces.

"I'm sorry. I just… sorry." The sad look on her face makes me feel guilty and I open my mouth to apologize when Mr. Swanson comes into the room. He gestures for my mom to follow him and she does, kissing my forehead before going.

The room is strangely quiet, leaving me to my terrible thoughts and the flashes of memories raging through my mind. Beca kissing me. Her fighting and practically slaughtering those wolves which should've scared me but all I felt was pride. Than her coming toward me, no recognition in her eyes. All I saw was her eyes gleaming with madness and I thought for sure I had lost her, that I was going to die. That's the only reason I stabbed her. I knew that whoever was attacking me wasn't the Beca I knew and loved. It was an empty shell of herself.

But then, she came back. As she was lying there dying, she came back to me. When she mentioned marrying me, I felt broken inside. Beca was it for me and now she's gone forever because I killed her.

A sob builds in me again and I'm not sure it's ever going to stop. My fists beat the bed as I keep replaying me picking up that dead wolf's paw and shoving it into her stomach. The look on her face was not of fear or confusion, but amazement. Like she was impressed that I thought of that. Then it shifts to her laying on the ground, coughing up blood. So much blood. It covered me and the ground and was slowing spreading across her shirt, soaking it.

"It's okay, honey," my mom appears beside me and climbs onto the bed, wrapping me in her arms. "Everything is okay."

"No it's not," I scream into her shirt. "I killed Beca! She's gone and it's all because of me!"

"Shhh." Her hand rubs my back, calming me down but not stopping the ache that resides in my heart. "It's going to be okay."

My mom continues to whisper that, over and over like she's trying to convince herself as much as me. Sighing, I close my eyes, hoping that maybe I'll wake up from this nightmare.

…

When I awake again, my mom is gone and Mr. Swanson sits in a chair beside me. He's reading a book and when he notices that I'm awake, he frantically closes it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see that you woke up. Do you need anything? Water?" I shake my head, not sure I could swallow past the lump in my throat. Turning my head, I stare out the window, wondering if I would feel the warmth of the sun on my face or if I'd be just as numb outside as I am inside.

"Chloe? Are you okay?" I remain silent and Mr. Swanson just sighs. "What you did, it had to be done. Nobody is blaming you." Only I am, I think but can't say out loud. I killed my whole world and in doing so, I killed myself.

"I can sit with her for a bit," a small voice offers and Mr. Swanson gets up.

"Don't expect her to talk. She's having a hard time."

"It's okay." The door closes and I turn to find Emily sitting next to me. She gives me a small smile and grabs my hand, knowing what I needed before I did. We sit there in silence for a while and I wait for her to ask the same questions everybody else has been. She doesn't though.

"Only a few months until school ends. The teachers are trying to be all cool and give us seniors fun activities to do, but it just sucks. Aubrey seems to love it but that's probably because she's the leader of her group and gets to boss people around. Big surprise, am I right?" Emily laughs and I just give her a small smile. She sighs and looks out the window. I'm surprised to see a tear roll down her face.

"She died so many times on the way to the hospital," Emily whispers and I frown. "They kept reviving her and all I could think was just let her go. Stop torturing that poor girl and just let her rest. God knows she hasn't been able to her whole life."

Sniffling, I look away and Emily squeezes my hand. I blink hard to keep the tears from showing but it doesn't work. Sobs start to rise up again, but I push them down, not wanting to cry anymore. Crying means feeling things I don't want to feel. Can't feel without breaking into a million pieces.

"Chloe, what happened out there? I saw the aftermath but nobody can figure it out. Please, I need to know." Emily pleads and I close my eyes, letting the memories take over me.

"She showed up and then Julian taunted her. Tried turning me on her. I didn't of course but she told me that I had to kill her. Julian's plan was to make her kill and then she wouldn't be able to come back. So, she did. She killed all those boys and than when she went after Julian, I tried to stop her. I thought that maybe if I did, she would come back to me. She was too far gone though and killed him, just like that." My voice breaks and Emily urges me to continue.

"Then, she came after me. I could see that she didn't know who I was and just wanted to kill me. There was no other choice. She told me before it started that I would have to kill her and she was right. So I stabbed her and she came back. A little too late but in the end, she came back to me."

"She broke through the blood lust?" Emily asks in awe and I nod, proud of my girl. "That's never been done before."

"I guess now it has," I whisper, grinning with pride. That's how my mom finds us. Emily's face frozen in amazement and me, smiling with love for Beca overcoming the deep ache in my heart.

"What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later," Emily says.

"Okay," my mom draws out, eyeing us suspiciously. "Anyway, who's up for a little adventure?" I frown, just now noticing the wheelchair she's pushing.

"I can walk, momma."

"I know that but it's hospital rules and also, you may want to sit for this." Frowning, I slide into the wheelchair, feeling annoyed.

"Can I just stay in here?" I whine and my mom laughs.

"So you can have your pity party? Come on Chloe. I taught you better than that."

"I just lost my soul mate. A whole part of me, poof gone. You think I would get a little leeway." Emily laughs and opens a door for us. My mom pushes me through and points at something.

"I don't think so," she says. Gasping, I stare at the figure on the bed. Beca. I shoot out of the wheel chair and over to the bed. Tears stream down my face as I look at Beca. There are cuts and bruises covering her face, but other than that, she looks perfectly normal. Healthy even. Her eyes are closed, her chest rising with slow even breaths.

"How?" My voice is hoarse and I don't take my eyes off of Beca.

"Well," Emily starts. "Dr. B owns this hospital which is primarily for werewolves. He took Beca in an ambulance where she died multiple times, but he was able to bring her back. I rode with them and honestly thought she wasn't going to make it. Nobody did. I guess though, she had something worth fighting for."

"That's my girl," I whisper. "What happened after that?"

"They got to the hospital and she immediately went into surgery. The doctors said that her heart stopped a few times during surgery, but she came back each time. A complete miracle, is what they said."

"Why didn't you tell me when I woke up?"

"She was still in surgery and I didn't want to upset you any more," my mom cries. "When you woke up the second time, we wanted to surprise you. Baby, you didn't kill Beca. In fact, I think you saved her."

"What do you mean?" Confusion faces through me, but Mr. Swanson clears it up for me.

"You gave her something to fight for, to live for and now she's here. Alive and getting better." I also killed her. I keep my mouth shut so I don't upset anybody and instead ask for some time alone with Beca which they gladly give. The sob I was holding back lets loose but this time it's not out of anguish but happiness. Beca alive. I don't have to spend the rest of my life alone. If she forgives me for causing her to be in this bed in the first place.

"Becs, I'm not sure if you can hear me but thank you. Thank you for not dying on me. I love you so much." I pause for a second, getting myself together. "I'm sorry that this happened. If I hadn't let those bastards take me this never would've happened. Oh who am I kidding? I couldn't have stopped them but I shouldn't have stabbed you. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but just know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." My head hangs down, my chin hitting my chest as I sob.

"Don't cry, Chloe," Beca rasps and I gasp, jerking my head back up to meet her gaze. Wonderful, beautiful gray eyes stare back at me and I squeal. I throw my arms around her and she laughs.

"I'm so sorry."

"Chloe, you have no reason to be sorry. If anything, I should be. I let the crazy take over and tried to attack you."

"It's not your fault Beca. Julian made you do it and you were only trying to save me. I'm the one who killed you."

"And I'm so damn proud of you for doing it," Beca grins, confusing me. "You saved me Chlo. If you hadn't stabbed me I would've killed you and never came back from the insanity. Both of us, in the end, would have died, but you stopped that. We're both here and alive. Let's just leave it at that and blame Julian for everything." Beca laughs and I eventually join in.

"Thanks. I needed that."

"It's what I do, now what are you doing down there? Get in bed with me woman." Beca scoots over and slaps the bed making me laugh.

"Who knew you wanted me in bed so badly."

"I've wanted you in my bed for a long time," Beca says seriously as I climb up, careful not to hurt her. "In fact, I want you in my bed for the rest of my life, however long it is."

"Yeah? Your serious?"

"Hell yeah I'm serious. It's just taken me dying to finally say something." I kiss Beca on the cheek and rest my head on her chest.

"I want you too," I whisper softly.

"You sure?" I can practically feel Beca's insecurities in her words and I nod.

"I'm sure. I want you, beast and all."

"Beast, huh? So you don't absolutely hate me being partly shifted."

"Not at all. I mean, I would love it if you didn't stay that way all the time so that we can go out on dates and school together, but it doesn't bother me."

"Ahh," Beca wiggles her eyebrows. "So I guess I'll only be a beast in bed then." My face burns bright red as I slap her playfully.

"Beca Mitchell. What if someone was listening?"

"Than they would be extremely jealous of how much I love you," Beca whispers in my ear, making me shiver at her warm breath touching my skin. She kisses me and I groan not sure how I could've lived without this for the rest of my life. Good thing I don't have to find out.