"I'm Sorry"

'I can't believe I snapped at Serana.' Liz lamented as she stood in the library, her brows knitted together. Just the other day, the fidgety elf had expressed concern about her drinking. She'd been doing it a bit more than usual, sure. But she didn't think it was getting out of hand.

Her snapping was more so due to the fact that she still felt that sting. That stupid emotion. Liz felt bitter that she wasn't as soft and sweet as her friend. That she would never be as kind hearted or good with people. Perhaps then…

No. She couldn't think like that.

Naturally Liz, a young woman, would develop a crush on someone. What with the hormones, and all. Erin's body was what, 18? It's about the right age. Puberty had long since passed for this body, but the hormones of a young teenager was still a thing she shouldn't overlook.

It'd been the same back on Earth, now that the young mage thought about it. Liz had an unfortunate experience with a young man back in her teen years. Highschool. It wasn't anything extreme like cheating or abuse. Just, one day he loved her. Then he didn't. It's strange. How fast someone's feelings can change and then there's nothing one can do but accept it.

It is what it is.

Liz had to sit and accept the fact that she was completely in love with someone who didn't even care whether or not she left. That kind of thing… it destroyed a person on the inside. Made it harder to let anyone else in.

Ever since then, she'd been vigilant about her feelings. Nipping it at the bud before they could blossom into anything significant. It was how she survived on Earth and it was how she would have to survive on Thedas.

There was an 80% chance that it would simply fade with time, she figured. Crushes, afterall, did not last long. What with all the reading she did, it was rather normal for a woman her age to feel such things. Even though it didn't make any sense to her how it even came to be.

Thankfully it was nothing of a sexual nature. That would make thinks 100x more difficult, on account of the fact that Liz wasn't even comfortable in her current body to begin with. She could hardly even look at herself in the mirror. Showing off what wasn't hers, to her, would feel … wrong. It wasn't her right.

The small mage let out a sigh as she fingered through the books up in the library. The idle humming from someone nearby distracted her from her task long enough for her thoughts to tumble back into the previous subject.

But what if the feelings never went away? There was a significant chance that it will develop into love. Love was...

Love was not something Liz was well acquainted with. Even from her time on Earth, familial love was few and far between. Friend love? She never really had friends. Developing bonds with people when you had trust issues was a tad difficult. Especially after her first and only experience. If family treated you like that, what was stopping people on the street? 'Friends'? 'Lovers'?

Romantic love was not something she'd even considered, here.

Not to mention it would likely be unrequited love, at that. Liz felt her gaze turn flat as she grabbed a book off of the shelf. Her fingers passed over the worn leather bindings, caressing it tenderly as she traced the odd symbols. She'd, afterall, seen the way the spirit would fret about her best friend Serana.

Love was not something she had time for. Love would be a mistake. A fatal one, at that.

Liz absolutely could not afford love.

It would eat her alive.

Cole

Cole was scared. Terrified even. He couldn't remember the last time he felt such terror running through his veins. Much like the time in the Spire when he was afraid the templars would see him. Or the feeling he'd gotten when he'd been revealed for what he was. The dropping in his stomach and the whirlwind in his mind. Thoughts and emotions blended together, making it hard to see. Hard to think.

So he'd retreated.

He would still help others, of course. But it seemed to impede his ability to listen to others. The things in his mind, popping up like demons in the night. Haunting his steps and whispering things to him. Reminding him what he was. Demon. Not spirit.

But Solas said spirit. Liz said spirit. He wanted—needed it to be that. He couldn't be what he was.

Then he remembered. Friends helped friends. But he knew she was upset. Angry. And he'd talked to Serana about it. The woman was always so fidgety and scared. Her movements jerky and reserved, eyes darting to and fro.

He knew that the woman was still jumpy, especially around him. The rogue had, afterall, expressed interest in Hope. Though she did not remember, she still felt uneasy around him. She just didn't know why.

Cole sought out his friend, stepping softly through the grass by the barns. She was with Rin, who was back to teasing her like usual. He turned the corner just as the hart nipped at the young mage's lock of hair, yanking on it.

"Rin! I thought we were friends." She whined and the animal almost seemed to snicker down at her. Cole smiled at the two of them. Rin turned, looking at the rogue with her ear flipped back. Listening for danger.

That's when the otherworlder turned to look, as well. Spotting her friend. Cole grabbed at the ends of his shirt under her gaze, feeling exposed. Like she was trying to pick him apart. Blue eyes locked onto the dirt covered floor, bits of hay and straw strewn about.

"Cole." Her tone was clipped, "Did you need something?"

"You're … hurting. I'm sorry."

"There is a kitchen maid, the stable master who misses his family, the soldiers who are fighting for their lives and others, Josephine who has the entirety of the Inquisition to look over, Maxwell's responsibilities. Out of all of these pains, these hurts, you seek me out?"

"You said that we were friends. Friends help friends."

"Funny, now you say that. That wasn't how it was this passed week, what with you disappearing and all." She spoke bitterly and Cole frowned at that, feeling kind of guilty for pulling away from her. "I think now you see why I'm so upset, yes? I wanted to help, too. But you wouldn't let me."

The mage sniffed and turned away, looking every bit like a pouting child. The thought caused the rogue to tilt his head. She'd never acted like this before. Almost like she was trying to cover up something else.

"There's a lot of hurt inside of you. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I don't need your help. I'm fine." 'I'm not worth it.'

He wanted to protest her thoughts but stopped himself short, seeing irritation starting to show on her face. Any more and she would not allow him close to her. The already growing rift between them become larger. He didn't want that. She was angry.

"I'm sorry." He apologized again, tilting his head down to hide his eyes with his hat. For a moment it was quiet, before the mage sighed.

"No, I apologize for being such a petulant child. I haven't been having a good day, is all." He could feel something inside of her buzzing like an angry hornet's nest. 'Keep him at arms length. Ignore it. Ignore it. It's not there. Ignore-'

"Ignore what?"

"I should go. I'll be back when I feel better. But right now I think I need some space." She straightened her back and walked off without answering.

But it's the last string of thoughts that caused pain to pinch at his insides.

'Ignore it or he will kill you.'

But—but he thought that she trusted him. She still did, right? What had he done to make her change her mind?

It hurt. Oh, Maker it hurt so much. He wanted to follow her. Ask her what he did wrong. Why? Did changing mean she would leave him, too? The thought was terrifying. Would Liz eventually forget Cole, too? He had control over his abilities and if he wanted, he was sure he could make her forget. But making her forget would hurt her even more. Hurt him. No.

So the spirit found himself sitting on the stone wall looking over the healing tents hours later. He just sat there, swinging his leg and tapping it against the wall rhythmically. It always helped him think. Listen. Hear what was going on around him.

Liz was right. So many hurts. Funneling like a cyclone, reaching out. Demanding to be heard. A servant girl who lost her diary. The horsemaster that missed his family, writing letters almost every day but unable to actually send them. Serana, afraid of what people will think if they see her. See Hope. Abomination.

Everything was so loud, so vibrant. Yet, he seemed almost entranced by his friend. Liz. Sometimes that's all he could see. Liz. Whenever she was around, his gaze followed her. The way she walked, the way she talked. Held herself. Her. Just… her.

He stared at the tents, feeling their worries and hurts fade as he retreated into his own mind. Everything dull. Muted.

She was jaded, flawed but fascinating – ferocious. Like a raging storm. Calm, some days. But others, thunderous. Crackling to life at a moments notice, striking. Resolute.

Cole hummed, remembering the song her body made when she held onto him. It had rang, resonated inside of him—no—reached out. A gentle caress that had his mind reeling. He couldn't remember ever feeling like that. Ever. Not even when he had a similar fascination with a templar by the name of Evangeline.

Liz was similar to Evangeline, because they were both strong women. Both held themselves a certain way, seeing the world in a different perspective. At one point he'd have thought Liz didn't care and was just angry at the world. Hated people, even. But over time, he saw the holes in her masks. Underneath the layers. She did care. She was just afraid of what would happen if she let herself.

Liz didn't know it, but she already did.

And they were both pretty. Very much so. Cole knew this and Evangeline would have probably just thought him a child, unable to understand such things. Liz didn't, however, but showed a distinct lack of interest in the very thought of such feelings.

Cole felt a bit of hopelessness, just then. It wasn't like he knew the correct way to pursue such things, anyway. The rogue's shoulders slumped as he sat atop the wall, his legs kicking the stone in a steady rhythm.

"Something bothering you?" He heard a familiar dull tone from behind him, causing him to turn. His hat hid her expression and he had to move his hand to tilt it up so he could see. Liz stood there with a blank look on her face as she tilted her head, "It appeared as though you were brooding."

He felt his face burn under her sudden attention. It wasn't like she could read his thoughts or anything.

Right?

"No."

She leaned forward and looked down into the lower courtyard, seeing Solas and Serana speaking to one another at a fire. The young elf had been tending to some of the wounded, as per Liz's orders. Cole found himself looking, too. His face finally turning back to it's normal color.

"Oh, I get it. This is about a girl isn't it?" She turned her head toward him. She was far enough away that he couldn't really make a read on her, at all. He felt his face turning red again. Did she know? Was it really that obvious?

Cole almost expected Liz to snap at him for it or outright reject him. The fear of rejection was what scared him, the most. Other than the fact that she might end up pushing him away and avoiding him. What would she do?

But she didn't. Only, instead, offering a sad smile.

"I am right, aren't I?" Her voice came out quiet and he couldn't seem to get an answer out. Every time he said anything it always came out wrong and made the situation worse. Cole turned away and refused to look Liz in the eyes. As if she would know. But she already knew, didn't she?

The fear that rippled through the air cut into him like a knife, making him whip his head around to look at her. It was slowly muffled and replaced by pain. Two things that were the easiest for him to read from people were the only things he could detect on her when they were at this distance.

Why was she afraid? Why was she hurt? He hadn't meant for her to find out this way. If, at all. He knew how much she detested those kinds of feelings, looking at them like they were a disease. When she turned around and walked away, he could have sworn he felt something inside of him crack. Break like a plate falling onto the cold unforgiving floor.

That was when he realized that what he had wasn't the same thing he'd felt for Evangeline. No. It was something more. Something profound. But it didn't matter.

He didn't matter.

Liz

(Just moments ago)

Liz never did like it when he would sit alone on the wall alone, brooding. It kind of made her wish she could help him somehow, which was ridiculous. They were friends, that's what they did. But he could handle things on his own just fine and he didn't need the young mage's clingy attention. He didn't need to be babied.

But the urge was still there, nonetheless. And she hated it.

Even so, she found her feet moving on their own accord. She was positioned a good distance away from him as he peered down into the lower courtyard from his perch on the wall. Sunlight danced around the metal helm of his hat, the leather casting a deep shadow across his face. Making it hard to see. It sounded like he was humming, if only faintly.

The otherworlder leaned onto the wall to get a better look at his face. A contemplative expression made its way onto his face before his shoulders slumped and he appeared almost disheartened. Liz's gaze traveled slowly over toward the people sitting around the fire. Solas and Serana spoke quietly with one another, sitting unusually close. The friendly elf had taking a liking to the apostate, afterall. She knew that much.

"Something bothering you?" She finally decided to ask, hearing his shoes click against the stone wall suddenly stop as he whipped his head around to look at her. Liz tilted her head to the side as he moved his hat up to get a better look, "It appeared as though you were brooding."

She decided to elaborate, watching as his cheeks turned a pink hue. He was blushing.

"No." He denied, but it was obvious. He had been brooding, though she had an idea as to why.

Liz leaned forward and made an obvious display of looking at the duo below as they spoke, only to look back up and see Cole staring as well. A lost look in his eyes.

"Oh, I get it. This is about a girl isn't it?" The question caused his face to turn colors again. Yep. Nailed it.

Logically, he'd find himself attracted to the most compassionate and caring woman in Skyhold. Which happened to be Serana Lavellan. She was a kind elf, beautiful too. With her flowing silvery locks and milky eyes to match. She took care of her patients and had wonderful bedside manner, keeping everyone comfortable with her soft demeanor.

Everything Liz was not.

'Jealousy is unbecoming of me.' She realized and straightened her posture. She had to remind herself that feelings would only get him hurt, in the end. Get her hurt. It was bound to happen. So, she tried to offer him the best encouraging smile she could.

"I am right, aren't I?" His silence was answer enough, his head turning away as he refused to look her in the eye.

'Could he hear me?' The thought caused fear to spike through her, before she tapped it down and felt it slowly being replaced with pain. It settled in her chest and it felt like something was slowly squeezing her heart. Not a pleasant feeling. When the otherworlder was finally able to refocus her vision, he was looking back at her with wide blue eyes. Almost like he couldn't comprehend something. Liz promptly turned around and walked away.

'He doesn't need me polluting his mind with such things.'

She simply needed some time away to gather herself, then she could help him. Because she'd support him, even if the one he loved ended up not being her. As long as he was happy. That's all that mattered.

He was all that mattered.

It was almost like a dance, really. An awkward, agitated, annoying one. Liz felt a fool, seeing things as they were. First, it was he that was avoiding her. Hiding like a skittish and beaten animal. He'd see her, then suddenly he wouldn't be there.

Now, it was quite the opposite.

Liz would hear him talking to someone, helping them. Then she would skitter around the corner and disappear before he could see her. Or she'd see his gigantic hat amongst a crowd in the main hall and she would leap into the nearest room.

One time she even interrupted Josephine by accident as she was having a meeting with a noble. Another time she'd trapped herself in a closet for three hours because it locked behind her. Another, she bumped into a poor servant girl and she dropped a plate of cheeses on a frilly noble lady.

The young mage was a fool, but she wasn't a stupid fool. She knew that her feelings would only end up hurting the young man. He was a spirit, afterall. She'd had enough conversations with Solas to learn that they were easily corruptible. Though the elven apostate never seemed to comment on her behavior around the rogue.

So she kept herself quiet.

She ignored the voice scratching at her insides, telling her that Cole was different. She didn't want to take any chances.

Quiet.

It was always something she was rather good at. Keeping her emotions in check and leaving them on the back burner. It was a horrifying prospect. Her feelings, that is. It wasn't that she didn't have them, by any means. Liz just felt them in excess when they popped up. They were strong, like turbulent winds. Or a hurricane. A sound, deafening, the only thing she can hear. It was too easy for her to get caught up in them.

So, imagine her reaction when Maxwell finally arrived. Unfortunately during a time where she was studying common with Silas, who was as patient and kind as ever. He almost seemed to enjoy being around Liz, which seemed preposterous. No one really liked being around her, right? Not anyone but her friends, anyway. She was prickly and brash and boring.

Not to him.

She had been up in the library speaking quietly behind Helisma, who appeared unfazed by their mutterings. Their lessons. Until the door opened and that certain someone she'd been avoiding came waltzing in alongside Maxwell. Cole didn't even make a move to look up at her, his eyes transfixed on the blocks of wood on Solas' desk.

The amulet. Amulets?

So, she found herself following the group out of Skyhold that night.

The snow shifted as the wind blew, leaving trails of white billowing across the surface. It was overcast and much colder, that day. The young mage rode beside her apostate friend and the nosy dwarf. Both of whom were quiet, until she decided to butt in.

"Why do you have two?" Liz asked, rocking with her mount as she ambled lazily down the hill. "I saw that you had two amulets on your desk, Solas."

"I was curious how they were made and thought perhaps I would study it." He answered smoothly, not even looking in her direction.

"But it didn't work, did it?" Liz sounded nervous as they went around the bend, leaving Skyhold in the distance. Rin let out a yawn, her tail flicking to and fro as they ambled into the snow. It crunched underneath her weight, getting caught in her fur.

"Like I said, maybe the Kid is too human for it to work. Didn't you ever think of that?" It was Varric that time, deciding to throw in his two cents. He rode on the other side of Solas, who appeared to be ignoring him in favor of watching the road.

"But how is that even possible? Solas said that he was a spirit. I think we've all concluded that he is. How can one be spirit and human?" Though the very thought wasn't at all new to the young woman. She'd had stories from her culture on Earth about spirits and humans that would contradict a lot of things from this world.

"I don't know, that's what we are going to find out. I'm glad you decided to come along, Sunny. He needs ya." He winked, "Although I am a bit curious. You've been avoiding him lately, what made you decide to change your tune?"

"He's my friend. I would never abandon him in his time of need." Liz winced at that comment, looking away from the dwarf and ahead. Maxwell and Cole rode far enough in front that they likely didn't hear their conversation. The duo appeared deep in conversation, as it was.

"Right, friend. I haven't seen you attach yourself like that to Serana. I saw you in the gardens all those weeks back." A hearty laugh burst from his lips when the young mage turned to him, red in the face. He'd seen that?!

"V-Varric!" She hissed, eyes looking forward. The rogue didn't so much as twitch in her direction. Good.

"Why hide it? Maybe he feels the same way."

"Even if what you say is true, feelings like that could hurt him. I will not tolerate hurting my friends." Even if it meant hurting herself in the process. His wellbeing took top priority.

Solas was quiet, but he seemed to nod at her comment. He looked approving of her thought process. To that, she was grateful. Things were quiet for some time before she decided to make one last comment.

"I've hurt too many people in my life. It's time I stopped..."

The ride there was tense, at best. Days passed where the group was simply quiet. Liz even tried to approach her friend to offer some sort of support, but he seemed a little out of it. Although, she didn't blame him for being downtrodden. The amulet had been the one thing that would keep him safe from binding. Something that Cole was very afraid of.

So she simply sat near him whenever possible during the trip. Silence.

They were alone near the dying embers of the fire as the others slept. Liz was supposed to be on watch during the early mornings, making sure there was no ambush. Cole was still as silent as ever, but didn't make a move to pull away from her.

The birds were tweeting hesitantly as the sky began to slowly lighten. The trees shifted in the wind, leaves rattling softly. They were camped in a small clearing, far enough away from the underbrush that she would be able to yell to alert the others. But also close enough for cover, just in case people were to be passing by.

"Cole, we will figure this out." Liz tried to offer some sort of support, feeling it in her heart that things would be okay. They had to be.

He didn't answer. Of course. So she sighed and her shoulders slumped, elbows resting on her knees as she looked over at her friend. A deep frown was pressed into his face as he turned to look at her. Worried.

"If it doesn't, you have to kill me." He spoke softly, "Please."

"Cole—we-we already went through this. I said I would stop you. I wouldn't allow you to hurt people." Liz stuttered, trying to dance around the actual wording. "I promise."

"You have to say it. Say it and it'll be true, come to life. You'll kill me, right?"

She grabbed his leather jacket and pulled him closer to her, feeling rage building within. "Listen, you. It won't come to that. Got it? Nothing is going to happen."

Her statement was resolute. She nearly glared at him as she said it. Hoping for it to be true. Wishing it, even. Even though the logical part of her brain was telling her that it was a very real possibility. But she pushed it away in favor of how she felt.

The others began to slowly wake up after that, ending the hushed conversation between the two. They all entered Redcliffe that day, early in the morning when the sun was glittering in the sky. There wasn't much activity that day, but they walked through the town slowly. Following Cole as he sought out the thing that was keeping the amulet from working.

Then. A man. Liz has never seen Cole get so angry, so enraged. He'd practically growled as he stalked forward and started to yell at the man for what he did. What he did to the real Cole. Human Cole. He'd been part of why he died. Left in the cells to starve to death. Alone and cold.

Liz felt her eyes harden at hearing that. This man was scum.

That's when everyone began talking about how Cole should handle the situation. As if he wasn't even there. The thought caused more rage to rear it's ugly head within her. How could they? Make such an important decision for him?

"You're both wrong." That got them to silence as the three men turned to look at the small Mage. She was staring at the three with a look akin to disdain, her nose wrinkling. She was absolutely baffled that they even thought they could control his actions.

"Erin?"

"But what I'm saying is, you're all trying to make a decision that should ultimately be up to him." Liz explained, crossing her arms in disapproval. "We are simply here to offer guidance as his friends."

"So we ask Cole what he wants. He wants to kill the man, what if..."

"Guidance." She snapped, "You're all talking about him as if he isn't right here to make his own damn decisions. He isn't a child. You can't control him."

"R-right..."

"Whichever decision he makes, he has the right to feel the way he feels. In his position, I'd want to kill him too." The statement caused Maxwell to look at Liz uneasily. He obviously didn't agree with the idea of killing people unnecessarily. But it was a harsh reality that she'd come to accept, since her arrival on Thedas. Sometimes you needed to kill or be killed.

But then there was the idea that this may, in fact, be considered an act of revenge. What then, would it do to Cole? But of course they wouldn't let him act on his impulsive feelings, right?

Guidance, she reminded herself. They would have to talk to him about it. He should make this decision himself.

"Making a decision like that could have potential negative effects on Cole. What then? Would you allow it, knowing it would twist him into something he's not?" Solas was the one to pose the question.

"Do you think I haven't thought about that?"

"Uhhh...guys?" Maxwell muttered from the side.

"Come on, now. The Kid will make the right decision. You gotta have a little faith in him." Varric shifted on his feet, hands on his hips as he looked up at the two.

"Faith is what it comes down to now, Child of Stone?" Solas turned to look at the dwarf, a faint sneer making its way onto his pale features.

"Would the two of you stop it?" Liz snapped, "We could have a constructive conversation or we could continue to make jabs at one another. Which will it be?"

"Guys."

"What?" The three of them asked in unison, turning to Maxwell who was looking at the trio with a nervous look in his eye.

"Where did Cole go?"

Oh, no.

"Why didn't you stop him? Which way did he go?!" Liz fretted, her eyes darting around. Looking for her friend. But he wasn't anywhere to be seen. The young mage peered around the corners of nearby buildings and bushes, but didn't see his hat. Which was usually like a beacon.

"I didn't even see him leave! I was too busy listening to you three." The eldest Trevelyan defended.

A scream erupted from their left, causing the four to snap their attention in that direction. Liz was the first to dart off, her feet carrying her through the grass and around the building within a matter of seconds.

Nevermind the fact that it was a male scream that didn't sound like Cole at all. Her first thought was that he was somehow hurt. Bound. Maybe dying. The worst always came to mind as she worried. When she came around the corner, she saw him in the distance.

She skidded to a stop.

Her friend was kneeling between the outcropping of trees. The wind blew, sending leaves fluttering across the ground and landing atop the rogue's hat. He sat there, staring down at the figure that was laying in his lap. Gasping.

Quiet gasping, before his eyes dulled and he stopped moving. Liz walked forth and fell to her knees, shoulders shaking. Cole held his hands up, looking at them in disbelief. Blood, like paint, coated the rogue's palms. Some of it had even gotten onto his brown leather coat.

Liz's gaze fell on the ex-templar, a dagger sticking out of his chest. Death, like a blooming flower, spread across his shirt and onto the grass beneath him.

"Cole." She choked out, almost not believing what she was seeing. He was staring down at the man, muttering. As if trying to talk to him.

"Y-you killed me. I had to-I had to..." His frantic voice tapered off and the tone turned flat and monotonous. "I had to do it."

"Cole?" Solas asked from behind the two, his hands gripping his staff. Liz eyed him warily from her spot next to her friend. The rogue turned and looked up at the elven man, hands shaking and hands bloody. His expression, didn't look right. Devoid of the young man she once knew. Devoid of-

"I'm sorry." He spoke, sounding absolutely remorseful as he turned back and looked at the still body of the man at his feet. His voice, toneless, "It was choking, crushing, clawing at his insides. He wanted to get away, wanted to forget. He can't forget if he's dead. He died remembering him... He saw... He-"

Cole turned and made eye contact with Solas, pupils dilated. Though he didn't elaborate, almost like he couldn't. Wet trails from tears were stuck to his cheeks, but his crying had long ceased when the young woman arrived. Now he just sat there. Blank.

"Come on, buddy. We can rest at camp." Maxwell tried to comfort, disapproval evident in his expression. It seemed even Cole recognized it as he stared up at the Inquisitor from underneath his mop of blonde hair. Liz swore she could see tears in Varric's eyes.

They were too late.

'What have I done?'

He sat there, staring at the fire that night. Liz wasn't far away, peeking from the safety of her tent. She stared at her friend, who appeared normal. The same. But something felt … off about him. Was it the cold, dark look in his eyes? The way he would stare at his friends wasn't the same. His expression was almost always stoic and blank. But his eyes always gave away his true intentions. His true feelings. What was within. But… now.

He was quiet. Almost unusually so. The Cole she knew would at least try to talk to Solas or Varric, even her. But when she'd approached him, he'd simply stared up at her. Hate in his eyes. Was it hate? God, she hoped it wasn't hate.

The thought itself seemed to twist in her chest, like a dagger.

When they awoke the next day to begin their journey, everything packed up and ready. Except Cole's hat. The floppy hat that he loved so much was simply sitting on the log next to the dying embers of their campfire.

Liz stooped and picked it up, her fingertips grazing against the worn leather. Her gaze slipped up to her friend and she attempted to hand it to him as he sat atop his horse, Ellie. The dark steed seemed to shift uncomfortably. As if she, too, noticed something awry about her rider.

The others were gathering supplies in the town before they were to depart, leaving the duo alone with the mounts just outside of Redcliffe.

"You forgot your hat, Cole."

"I don't need that thing." His voice was lower, quieter. His eyes were even darker than she remembered as he turned to look down at her. Liz backed away a step, holding the object close to her chest. Something about this situation hurt her. Confusion slipped across the man's face, then understanding. A smirk slipped onto his lips, "It hurts you, doesn't it? Knowing that you couldn't stop, slipping—smoldering as it lifts away like smoke from a fire. Our friendship."

"Y-You..."

"Yes. I'm not that, anymore. How long will it take you, I wonder? They suspect, but don't know. Will you wait? Drowning in doubt." His voice was flat, but when he spoke again he almost sounded like himself. Who he used to be, "'Promise me, Liz. Don't let me be that, again. Please.'"

Liz let out a quiet cry when she heard it, nails digging into the leather of his hat. She couldn't take her brown eyes off of his icy ones.

"This isn't funny..." She forced out, unbelieving. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. It wasn't.

"Twisting, twining – tearing in your chest. Like thread, soaked in blood. Can't breathe. Can't—I'm sorry." When he apologized, it sounded so genuine. Unlike the normal monotonous drawl.

"You're not like this, please listen. I-I should have been there, I should have stopped you." Liz lamented, "Please, Cole. You can fight this."

"Fight what? What I am? I've always been this. Prowling on the edges, pulling me down. 'You cannot change your nature simply by wishing.'"

"You can try!" Her voice cracked, tears springing on the edges of her eyes. "You're you, I know you're in there. This is – this."

Cole was sweet and kind. He helped people, healed the hurts as he said. He was always there for her and was a staunch ally. Even back when they didn't seem to get along, he was always willing to help.

"What have you ever truly done that has mattered? That has changed things for the better? You look forward and only think of yourself." Liz looked away, a sharp pain entering her chest. That wasn't completely true. She cared about two other people, now. "I'm sorry."

"Stop."

"But why? The despair clings to you like a thick blanket, slowly eating away at you from the inside. Festering like a wound, yet you ignore it." Every word he spoke, struck something within her. Reopening wounds that she kept hidden, tucked away. "Isn't it painful? Why won't you do anything about it? Are you punishing yourself?"

Now it was like he was dredging up old wounds on purpose, no matter how blank his expression was. No matter how flat and dead his tone may have been. Liz could have sworn she saw a glint in his blue eyes.

He enjoyed this.

This wasn't the Cole she knew. It was a completely different person. Yet not. No matter how different he may be, she still cared. She would protect and shield him like she's promised. He may be different, but he was the same person underneath it all right? He wouldn't hurt innocent people, right?

'At least you've kept one promise.' Her inner voice sneered, 'What would he think of you now? To stoop so low and allow him to become something twisted. He wouldn't-'

"Shut up!" Liz cried, hand flying to her mouth as she took a step back. Her brown eyes widened as she looked up at her friend. He twisted his body and slid off of the horse, his feet hitting the ground with a dull thud. Dirt kicked up as he walked forward, his hand coming up and caressing the side of her face. Almost lovingly.

"I can help you." His thumb drew circles on her cheekbone and she felt her face flush a deep shade of red. Confusion and pain swirled inside of her. She heard his dagger unsheathing from his belt, causing her to gasp and step back. His expression was still unusually blank.

Was he going to kill her?

Like he did to the mages. Like he was back at the Spire. Back when he was wrong. Not right. This couldn't be-

The dark look in his eyes and the softness and heat of his palm on her face was giving her mixed signals. Liz almost wanted to relax into his touch, completely at his mercy. But the other—his arm moved and she saw a flash of metal in the sunlight. The mage flew into action, her smaller frame colliding with his much larger one.

Cole

Darkness. It was everywhere. In the shadows, when the sun set. Within people. Wherever you went, there was always darkness. Somewhere. Some people may only have a small piece of that darkness, such as jealousy or greed. But others have more. Hearts filled with hatred. Anger. Then there are the people who embrace the darkness and allow it to fill their heart and soul, sucking out all the light that may be present. That's what he felt like. It seemed to pull in, a void opened in him that day.

It was like everything opened up, for him. He remembered. Everything. The Fade. Compassion. Cole. Everything.

And this woman. Elizabeth Weyaus, the otherworlder. Misplaced. Lost.

Out of the four, her darkness seemed to seep through the cracks the most. Solas had more, but it felt ancient. Deeper. Hidden. But his cracks were tight, too fine to pry at. But oh, she couldn't hide from him and he clung to it. It felt absolutely amazing.

So as he spoke, the way her expression seemed to crumple as she realized. Saw him for what he was. He could feel it twisting in his own chest, like a dagger. It seemed to echo. But despite it all—despite - it was bright. Inside of her. A light, her will.

His Little Light.

He couldn't help but let out a chuckle when she tackled him. Attacked him! No hesitation. He could feel the pain flitting off of her as she wrestled with him. They eventually found their way to the ground. No words passed between the two, aside from some grunts and hisses. Dirt got kicked up. Cole grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head, using his weight against her. She shook in his grasp, eyes wide and glossy from tears.

"This seems familiar, doesn't it?" Cole pulled up his dagger so that it was hovering between them, "Now look at me."

He wanted her to look at him when he did it. Be everything she saw. Everything she was. To prove to her and himself that Compassion was no more. The fragile little woman let out a shuddering sob, head turned to the side. She refused to look at him. The sound, followed by silence, echoed within. Dredging up old feelings Compassion still felt. Still there. Why?

It irritated him and his arm didn't seem to want to listen to him. He shook, wanting so badly to feel her skin break underneath the razor edge of his dagger. He craved it. Yet—why?

The mage took advantage of his distraction and charged up a spell, as sloppy as it may have been. The electricity sent his body convulsing onto the ground beside her, their positions easily switched. Liz straddled his prone body, tearing the weapon out of his grasp.

Now she had the dagger. Now she had it held up in front of them. All he could do was watch. Incapacitated. So Cole stared through his curtain of straw locks, waiting for the woman to strike true on her promise to Compassion. He would have spoken, had he been able to. Words could tear into a person just as efficiently as a dagger. Hit the spot. Done.

But he couldn't.

He didn't know if it was the electricity or..

"I have to do this. You're not him anymore..." The next words were whispered, almost frantically. "You're not. You're not."

He sat there, staring at her shaking body. The young woman tried to wrangle her emotions under control, but couldn't seem to. Cole felt conflicted. What was he to do? He should just walk away. He could. Her weight seemed to shift and he could just push her off. But her eyes. The soft gaze, directed at him. Should make him feel comfort, happiness. But he was, instead, cornered.

A soft touch, gentle. Her hand was brushing against the center of his chest, causing it to buzz. Her touch-

"No. The same. You are...my.." The words couldn't form in her mouth, but he heard them anyway. Screaming in her head, 'You're my friend. I can't do it! I can't—not again.'

He couldn't walk away. He wouldn't.

She was like a puppet on the strings of their bond. He was the one controlling her. He had the ability to absolutely destroy her. He refused to admit the thought scared him. He refused to admit he was feeling remorse. He refused.

She was his.

You are mine, Little Light.