Disclaimer: Criminal Minds belongs to CBS, not me.

Spencer drifted. He didn't know what time it was, or what day, or if he was in pain. He felt nothing. Sometimes he faded back to reality, to the scratch of his clothes against his skin and his hair clinging to his damp forehead and the suffocating silence and his conscience screaming that this wasn't supposed to happen, this was never supposed to happen again.

He had always sworn he wouldn't take anything at work. But Charles Hankel was right, he was weak, he had always been weak and he would never be strong enough to fight back, so he leaned heavily against the bathroom sink, the aftertaste of the pill he'd dry-swallowed still chalky and bitter on his tongue, his vision crashing, the world spinning dizzily around him, and he continued to drift alone, his thoughts empty.

Hotch read through Reid's notes on the Hankel file, horror mounting in his chest. He'd watched the livestreams as they happened, he was the first one to reach Reid when they found him in the cemetery, he'd spent the past few months watching Reid shift and fade into someone he didn't recognize.

This was not what he expected. This was worse than he had imagined.

"Hotch? I knocked about half a dozen times. Didn't you hear me?"

He looked up. "Hm?"

Gideon frowned from the doorway. "You all right?" he asked.

He felt like he was hungover, like he'd been underwater for too long and had just broken the surface to breathe seconds before he drowned. "I can't explain it," he said. "Just…... just read this."

Morgan dropped his things on his desk with a clatter and laughed when Emily jumped about a mile in the air. "Sorry, Prentiss," he said. "Still not awake?"

"God, no," she sighed, rubbing her temples. "Could not fall asleep last night to save my life."

"Did you try those melatonin gummies?" JJ suggested.

"By the time I remembered, it was three in the morning, and there was absolutely no way I'd be able to function if I took them that late," Emily said. "But...I texted Garcia and she's bringing coffee."

Morgan nodded towards the double glass doors. "Speak of the devil," he said with a grin. "There she is, my baby girl, come to bless us with caffeine."

She beamed. "What would you guys do without me?" she said, setting down the drink carrier on Morgan's desk. "Emily, my glorious angel, I added an extra shot."

"Oh, I could kiss you," Emily said fervently, grabbing at her venti cup.

Garcia handed out drinks. "One for JJ, one for my handsome dream man-"

"Thanks, baby girl," Morgan said.

"-and one for our fearless leader. Perfect timing, Hotch, here's yours."

Hotch took the drinks from Garcia, but he didn't seem to notice it. "Thanks," he said absently.

Garcia pulled out two more cups. "I have a grande dark roast for Gideon, and a white chocolate mocha for Reid," she said. "But they're not here. Why aren't they here? I need to know where they are."

Emily frowned. "Yeah, it's past nine," she said. "It's not that weird for Gideon, he just kind of…... appears out of nowhere, but Reid's never late."

"Reid's in the bathroom," Hotch said. "Gideon's in my office, reading-" He broke off mid sentence and exhaled slowly. "Reid finished his notes on the Hankel case," he said.

"Oh, shit," Morgan said. "Is it...is it that bad?"

Hotch dragged his hand over his face. "Yeah," he confessed. "It's bad. Worse than I thought."

"How bad?" Garcia asked, eyes round.

"He wrote all of it out. Every conversation he had with all three alters. The beatings. The drugs."

"Drugs?" Morgan repeated.

"Hankel injected him repeatedly with dilaudid," Hotch said. "He used it himself to deal with his father's abuse."

"Oh, god," Emily said. "JJ and I talked to Hankel's sponsor at Narcotics Anonymous, it was his own special blend of dilaudid and-"

"And a psychedelic, I remember," JJ said quietly.

Hotch took a long swig of his coffee. "He stayed here all night to finish writing it. He slept at his desk- if he actually slept. He seems really shaken up."

"Yikes," Garcia sighed. "Is he okay? Should somebody go check on him?"

"I will," Morgan said, setting his coffee down, and he stalked away before anyone could stop him.

His gut instincts were screaming at him that something was wrong. He'd never seen Hotch distracted like this. Whatever the kid wrote in the file had to be horrific to get a reaction like this out of him. And it had to have taken a lot out of Reid to finally write it out, after putting it off for almost five months.

There was no way he was letting Reid stay at work. The kid would probably put up a fight, insist he could hold out, but that was going to be out of the question. He was going to get him home if he had to drive him himself. Maybe it would give him the chance to finally get him to open up, talk about what was bothering him. A little catharsis might go a long way.

Morgan tapped the bathroom door open. "Hey, Reid, you okay?" he asked. He paused. Reid was slumped over the sink, the taps still running. He leaned around him and switched them off. "Hey, pretty boy, talk to me. What's wrong? Are you sick?"

Reid looked up slowly, his hair hanging over his eyes, and shook his head, clumsy and uncoordinated. "Talk to me," Morgan coaxed. "You look like hell." He touched the back of his hand to his forehead. "You don't have a fever."

Reid shook his head again, swaying on his feet. His eyes were red-rimmed like he'd been crying. "Not sick," he said, his lips slack. "Fine."

Morgan frowned. "You're not fine," he said.

No, Reid wasn't sick, he'd seen Reid sick before and this wasn't it, this was different. He'd seen people like this before, but not Reid, never Reid- but there was no way, there was no way in hell that he was-

"Are you...are you high?" he asked, incredulous.

There was no way, he was too smart for that, he couldn't possibly-

Reid shook his head. "Fine," he repeated desperately. He lurched to his feet. "I'm gonna...I'm gonna go back to work…"

His knees buckled and Morgan caught him swiftly, letting him collapse into his chest. "That's not happening," he said. His arms tightened around him, and god, when did Reid get so thin? "I got you. I got you."

Reid's head dropped against his shoulder. "Let me go," he said.

Morgan tightened his grip on him, irrationally afraid that if he let go he would dissolve into thin air. "What did you take?" he demanded.

"Nothing," Reid insisted. "Let me go, Morgan!"

He planted the heels of his palms against Morgan's shoulders and pushed, trying to shove him away. "Yeah, that's not gonna work, kid," he said, catching his wrists. "Tell me. What did you take?"

Reid turned away, his hair falling over his eyes. "Nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing…" He was shaking like a leaf in Morgan's grip. "I have...a prescription. It's... it's totally legal, I'm-"

"For what?"

"I'm hurting, Morgan, it's...it's just a painkiller, I…"

Morgan gave him a little shake, his fingers wrapping around Reid's skinny upper arms. "You gotta be honest with me," he said. "No more avoiding it. No more pretending you're fine when you're not. You hear me? I'm done. Look me in the eyes and tell me what's wrong."

Reid stared at the tiled floor. "I can't," he said. "I... I can't. It's okay, I can...I can fix it myself, I can, I'll…"

"Is it the dilaudid?" Morgan asked quietly.

All the color drained from Reid's face. Morgan eased his grip on his arms. "Well," he said. "Is it?"

Reid pressed his fist against his mouth, and he gave a tiny nod.

Morgan's heart plummeted to the floor. "Okay," he said. Reid's face crumpled, half hidden in his hands. "Okay, pretty boy. We're gonna get you through this. You hear me?"

"I can't stop," he said, half muffled behind his palms. "Derek, I can't stop. I can't, I can't-"

Morgan squeezed his arms. "You can," he said. "You can, kid." He pressed his forehead against Reid's. "Listen to me. We're not gonna fix it in a day, understand? One thing at a time." He leaned back, holding him at arm's length. Reid kept his hands over his face. "Let's get you out of the bathroom first."

"No," Reid said desperately. "I can't...I can't walk out there. God, I can't, my life is over, I-"

"Take a deep breath," Morgan said. He wrestled his phone out of his back pocket. "Take a second, splash some cold water on your face. Get yourself together, and I'll handle this."

JJ drummed her fingers on her desk. Morgan's text had set her teeth on edge- maybe she'd read it wrong, his texting skills were god-awful and nearly illegible. But Garcia had confirmed it, since she was a pro at deciphering his messages.

Cler bllpen wait in ur ofice reid sos

So she cleared the bullpen, herding everyone else out, and she was sitting on the edge of her desk, anxiously staring at the open door.

She saw Morgan walk through the empty bullpen, his hand tight on Spencer's shoulder. Something had to be wrong, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Morgan ushered Spencer into her office and closed the door behind them. "Hey, what's going on?" she asked. "Spence, are you okay?"

He stared off in the distance, his eyes unfocused, his fingers curled against his mouth. JJ touched his arm and he flinched away from her. "He needs a little time by himself," Morgan said quietly. "I need him to stay in your office with you while I talk to everyone else. I'll catch you up afterwards. Just...don't let him out of your sight."

"Okay," she said, bewildered. "Is that...is that all?"

"For now," Morgan said. "It'll make sense later. But-" He hesitated. "Just keep him close, okay?"

She nodded. "Sure," she said, her arms tightly folded. Morgan shut the blinds on her office windows, casting the room into a soft dimness, and closed the door with a firm click as he left.

She studied Spencer closely. He looked like a zombie, his face chalk white and his arms dangling at his sides. She wanted to press him for answers- was he sick, was he hurt, was he in trouble? But now didn't seem like the best time to get him to talk.

"You want to lie down?" she asked gently. He nodded, still mute, and this time when she reached for him he allowed her to lead him to the small couch pushed up against the wall and guide him to sit down. His legs were too long to stretch out and he folded himself up small, curling his arms against his chest. She pulled down a folded blanket and shook it out, tossing it over him and tucking it around him snugly. He didn't react- didn't mumble a thank you or even make eye contact.

"Hey," she said. "Do you want to talk about what's going on?" He stared up at the ceiling and shook his head. "Okay. I'll be right there at my desk if you need me."

Spencer turned away from her. She bit her lip, but after a moment she crossed over to her desk and the stack of case files waiting for her. He didn't move, didn't make a sound, but she watched him like a hawk out of the corner of her eye.

He stayed still and quiet. A few times she thought he had fallen asleep, but every time she checked he was awake, staring at the back of the couch. It was like he was catatonic, lost so deeply in his own thoughts that he couldn't pull himself back out.

It seemed like ages before Morgan came back, the strap of Spencer's messenger bag slung over his shoulder. "He okay?" he asked immediately.

"Fine. I think."

Morgan bent over Spencer and gave his shoulder a gentle shake. "Hey, kid," he said. "You gotta get up. Time to go home."

Spencer lurched up into a sitting position, his hair rumpled and his shirt collar sticking up on one side. "Hm?"

"Let's go, pretty boy," Morgan said. He took Spencer by the arm and hefted him to his feet.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" JJ asked impatiently.

Morgan held onto Spencer as if he was the anchor keeping him from drifting away. "They'll get you caught up," he said. "I gotta get him home."

JJ followed them out the door, biting back a frustrated scowl as she watched them walk away. She needed to know what secrets they were keeping, but she knew all she could do was wait.

Author's Notes:

So initially this was going to be one chapter, but...I'm only like a fifth of the way through and it's already twenty pages. So...I'm dividing it into smaller pieces!

You might have noticed that I just started a new Criminal Minds fic as well. I was toying with the idea of a boarding school AU, and then wrote a drabble in the 'verse on my tumblr..and somehow it exploded and I started posting it now.

So now that I'm working on two fics simultaneously, I'm going to post updates to Waving Through a Window on Mondays and updates to the boarding school AU, Patron Saint of Lost Causes, on Thursdays. That way I can write all the things that bring me joy, but also be able to space them out and keep posting things that bring you joy! Plus, I'm going back to work before the end of the month, and this way I can write more and get ahead of the posting schedule, so I'll be ready to post on time.

Also! I've been writing TONS of prompt fills on Tumblr, and I'm going to start archiving them here as well! (My tumblr is themetaphorgirl if you'd like to be pals or ask for a prompt fill!)

Special thanks to hfcman2013, fishtrek, ssdub, tearbos, nitrogentulips, and Cat for reviewing!

And a special thanks to my beta expecto-weasleys on tumblr for beta-ing!

Up next: Spencer is adamant that he can take care of himself. Morgan refuses to leave.