PART TWO
Jonouchi was sitting at the edge of Kaiba's bed, watching the bathroom door and waiting for him to emerge. He always took forever and a day getting ready. Jonouchi knew he'd have to just sit there and wait. Feeling distinctly uncomfortable and displeased, he wasn't sure what was going on. It was like he'd stepped into the bedroom, but couldn't remember actually doing it. His mind told him he'd been there since the night before, but it still didn't make any sense.
Brushing away the feeling as best he could, Jonouchi perked up when the door opened and Kaiba stepped into the bedroom. Jonouchi tried to say something clever, but he felt unable to speak. Then he felt almost cold. His chest had a tightness that wasn't normal, and touching himself didn't make it feel any better. Something was wrong with him.
Looking at Kaiba again, Jonouchi felt as if something ominous was lingering over them. Meeting his eyes made him ache.
"What's going on?" He muttered, searching Kaiba's face for an explanation.
"What do you mean, 'what's going on?', you have work and so do I," said Kaiba, rolling his eyes. He fixed his clothes in front of the large mirror near his dresser, looking annoyed from the outburst.
"Really Jonouchi, I thought you'd be more awake by now."
"I don't feel very good," replied Jonouchi, standing slowly. He immediately felt like sitting down after getting to his feet.
"I have work? What day is it?"
"Thursday. Unless I'm the confused one here, though I highly doubt that's the case..."
Kaiba appeared to have brushed off Jonouchi's questioning to fix his tie. He was wearing another black suit and looked like he was trying to adjust everything so it looked correct. It was like he was purposely avoiding Jonouchi's eyes. Once Kaiba finished preening in the mirror, he grabbed his briefcase quickly like he was about to leave.
"Wait!" Jonouchi called urgently, grabbing Kaiba's wrist in a flash of panic.
"You don't have to leave just yet."
He was overcome by a paralyzing sense of dread, and he felt as if he knew why, but it was still in the back of his memory. It was disorienting, both his lack of memory and Kaiba's strange behavior. Jonouchi couldn't recall even the last time he'd gone into Kaiba Mansion, or any that morning, really. Combined with everything else, he was starting to feel like he might be going crazy.
That and the sense of dread was nearly unbearable.
"Kaiba?" Jonouchi called again, this time in a hushed voice.
Kaiba hadn't replied and continued to avoid his gaze. His weird reaction wasn't doing anything to improve Jonouchi's growing anxiety.
"Looki, I don't have time for this," snapped Kaiba, "I'm about to be late to work."
He shook Jonouchi's grip from his wrist, trying to pull away, but before he could make it out of the door, Jonouchi grabbed his shoulder gently, trying to hold him back.
"What's the matter with you?" asked Kaiba, finally looking back and crossing his arms in irritation, "I need to get going."
"Please don't just leave me!" Jonouchi demanded desperately. "You know better than to just walk off on me like that. I need you, something is wrong. This is important."
He didn't know why, even. He vaguely recalled a fight, but not much else. It was like trying to recall a past dream.
"What's important? Do you even know what you're talking about right now?"
Kaiba's face looked extremely inpatient and uninterested.
"I need to go now, Jonouchi. So unless you have something coherent to tell, I'm leaving."
"You are trying pretty damn hard to ditch me, you know."
Jonouchi refused to let Kaiba escape. He got hold of his hand again when Kaiba turned toward the door.
"Are you still mad about our fight?"
Jonouchi couldn't even remember what they'd fought about. Maybe Kaiba still did. He was vindictive enough to. That had to be why he was so pissy, and why Jonouchi felt so anxious over it.
"What fight?" asked Kaiba, "We haven't been fighting."
He gave Jonouchi a perplexed look, raising an eyebrow and letting go of the door handle before closing it. Then he leaned against the frame of the bedroom door.
"Jonouchi, what on earth are you even talking about? Did you have a bad dream or something?"
"We did have a fight," Jonouchi insisted, his brows furrowing as he tried to remember more. His recollection was fuzzy at best, and he could barely recall anything but raised voices and Kaiba bolting out of the bedroom, but not much else..
"I know we did. I'm not making shit up...
"Besides if we didn't, you wouldn't be trying so hard to avoid me."
"I have work to get to, you weirdo..."
"That never stopped you from being a little late before," Jonouchi said while frowning. "What are you keeping from me, Kaiba?"
Kaiba gave Jonouchi a perplexed look but said nothing. Jonouchi could only barely recall leaving the bedroom the day before close to tears, hiding in Honda's bathroom before passing out in his roommate's bedroom. How he appeared back at Kaiba Mansion, he didn't know.
"Seriously, stop it," Kaiba said, breaking the silence after a few minutes of just staring at each other. "I don't know what your problem is, but I've had enough. I need to get going..."
"No, you don't," Jonouchi replied stubbornly, "You can wait a little longer. How hard would it be to just tell me what's going on?"
He met Kaiba's eyes, which were about the only clear thing he could find at the moment. Then they completely disappeared, and it was only after a few disorienting seconds of looking around the room for him to realize that Kaiba had disappeared. When Jonouchi looked back at the place where he'd been standing, he was gone.
"Shit," Jonouchi cursed, opening the bedroom door to search the hallway. The house was large but Kaiba never ran. He probably was still walking down the hall, taking his sweet time like usual.
When he entered the hallway, though, Kaiba wasn't there. Jonouchi stopped in his tracks, wondering where he could have gone in such a short time. Then he turned when he heard a voice behind him.
"I told you he didn't want you."
Jonouchi halted, his mind blanking instead of trying to make sense of why Kitamura was standing in Kaiba mansion. It didn't make any sense, and yet there he was. Jonouchi couldn't wrap his mind around it.
He wanted to say something in response, but he couldn't. Much as he couldn't remember what was going on, he knew that he couldn't deny what Kitamura had said. It made him feel weak. He felt pain all over, and falling to his knees, Jonouchi found himself unable to hold himself up. He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt stinging at the corners of his eyes, and it took everything in him to not try crawling away.
It wasn't until he felt like he was drifting in the darkness did he hear Kitamura's voice again. He sounded as if he was standing right in front of him, but Jonouchi wasn't sure he was there.
"Really Jonouchi, you were better off with me. I don't know why you'd fool yourself into thinking someone so much higher in class and intelligence would actually like you."
"Shut up!" Jonouchi yelled.
He almost broke down into a panic before being jolted in shock at the sound of his own voice. His eyes snapped open, and he sat up urgently. It was as he stared at the wall opposite him that he finally realized he'd been dreaming. He was still shaking, and there were faint wet trails of tears streaming down his face.
Jonouchi tried to quickly wipe his eyes when the door opened. It wasn't sunrise yet, but the darkness in the room was slightly brightening up. Already, it was getting close to dusk. And yet, the living room light was on, and Honda stood in the doorway fully-dressed with his cat in his arms.
"What's going on?" he asked, sounding as if he wasn't sure if he should be ready to fight or offer consolation. Honda then flipped on the bedroom light, which made Jonouchi cringe and grumble in complaint before flopping onto his back.
He heard Honda walk to the bed and sit at the edge, his heel tapping against the floor momentarily before he sighed.
"Bad dream?"
Jonouchi simply nodded and rolled onto his stomach. It wasn't something he wanted to talk about, and he felt groggy from waking up so suddenly. His eyes hurt since the lids refused to open. He wanted to blow off his angst by sleeping until the sun came up, at least.
"Are you fine now?" Honda pressed, but Jonouchi didn't respond. Honda then gave him a solid pat on the shoulder before standing to leave. Jonouchi was glad that they'd been friends long enough for him to know not to push too much when he was upset. The last thing Jonouchi wanted was to start talking about Kitamura. He was sure Honda was still getting over his first big secret. It had only been a few hours since talking about it...
Settling in and trying to go back to sleep, Jonouchi's brain was already waking up. It was trying to make him wonder why Honda was awake and dressed before the sun had even risen, but he brushed it off from his mind. He could ask in the morning. For the time being, he wanted to sleep for a little longer.
When Jonouchi woke up a few hours later, he found his way into the living room and bumped into Honda, who was on his way to bed. How he managed being up all night, Jonouchi didn't know.
His rough appearance made Honda look rather uneasy. Jonouchi knew he looked bad, but he found it hard to care. Then finally Honda began to interrogate him over the unpleasant details of his unofficial and short-lived 'romance' with Kaiba.
Jonouchi knew the questions would come, of course. Honda couldn't stand secrets for very long, but that didn't make Jonouchi any more enthusiastic to tell.
He ended up having to recap everything that had happened between himself and Kaiba, filling in the holes he'd left the night before. Jonouchi still glanced over Kitamura, unwilling to discuss that, but everything else he relayed as honestly as possible. What surprised him was how patiently Honda sat and listened, though he made a lot of faces. Most of it was due to anger, and whatever confusion he might have felt from the mention of gay sex, but it wasn't as if Jonouchi could avoid bringing it up.
"Jonouchi," Honda began when the summary was over, "I've been wondering since last night why you never told me before."
"Told you about Kaiba?"
"No, that you-"
Honda paused as if he wasn't sure how to phrase his response.
Jonouchi simply sat and watched him rather than trying to guess. He didn't quite care enough to help him ask.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a thing for men."
"I didn't know for sure until recently," Jonouchi answered back.
He'd been through this with Anzu already. It wasn't difficult to explain, nor was he self-conscious enough to feel embarrassed over it.
"And I kept it a secret because I knew how you'd feel about it."
"Well yeah..."
Honda seemed annoyed at the mention of his intolerance.
"But what about Mai? You were really into her for a while..."
Jonouchi laughed at the mention of Mai, shaking his head.
"Yeah I liked her, but I never wanted to sleep with her or anything."
"Figures the one woman who really liked you, you'd blow off," Honda mumbled aloud.
Then his brow creased and he sighed, glaring at the wooden table.
"You know, Kaiba was never nice to us or anything, but I didn't expect him to do something like this. I thought he was more loyal than that, anyway."
Jonouchi didn't have a response. He simply sat there silently, his eyes wandering to different parts of the kitchen without really seeing anything. Although he knew Honda was staring at him, he still said nothing for a while. Eventually Honda sighed, catching Jonouchi's attention again.
"I know it'll probably be a while until you feel better," he began, "I mean, if I were you, I'd probably be a lot less upset, but I think it's just me not getting it..."
They stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before he continued.
"Why would you bother with him in the first place?" Honda finally blurted, the question he'd probably wanted to ask from the beginning.
Jonouchi flinched from the sharpness in his tone.
"He was never nice to you, and I don't hate him or anything, but I know him well enough to say that he doesn't and will never deserve someone like you."
Jonouchi averted his gaze from Honda, who was scowling and rubbing the back of his neck in a combination of tired irritation and embarrassment.
"I'm just saying, I don't get it. I never saw anything in him as a friend, much less could I understand his appeal for someone who wanted to be with him romantically..."
"Well, there's always the possibility that I'm kind of very stupid," Jonouchi snorted, but to his surprise, Honda just stared at him blankly, like he still didn't quite understand.
Or it was disapproval, which made Jonouchi feel immediately more defensive, but he kept his mouth shut about it.
"Jonouchi, you've done dumb things, but I don't think you are actually stupid," Honda grumbled. "Maybe you're just more forgiving than I am. I don't know. You have to be either crazy or ridiculously nice to put up with Kaiba."
"He's not that bad," Jonouchi replied snappily, "You don't know him as well as I do, Honda. Don't talk about him like that."
Honda's expression grew a bit stiff, his jaw visibly tensing, but he didn't speak. Maybe he was collecting his thoughts, or trying not to say anything he'd regret. Either way, Jonouchi knew he'd definitely pissed him off.
"Don't make excuses for him, Jonouchi," he stated flatly. "He treated you like shit."
Jonouchi was immediately taken aback for a moment, not because of the words themselves, but because he was reminded of a time when Kaiba had said the same thing to him about Kitamura.
"He knew what he was doing. He knew how you felt, and he was happy to go along with it leaving you high and dry at the end of the day. If he was a good person, he wouldn't have left you feeling like this."
"He was there for me when I needed help," Jonouchi defended, leaning forward a little as he felt his body grow warmer.
Neither of them were breaking eye contact now.
"You can't just assume he's a bad person or some shit because of this. He's got his own personal demons like everyone else."
"And if he'd really liked you, then he would have cared enough to get over them for you," Honda replied.
Jonouchi felt like Honda wasn't listening and scoffed, glaring at the living room couch.
"Look Jonouchi, he might not be some super villain, but I'm not going to believe he's a great guy for you anytime soon, either. You shouldn't be defending him."
"At least he didn't judge me over my sexuality," Jonouchi turned his glare back to Honda, who made him jump a little when he slammed his hands against the table and leaned into his personal space.
"Are you saying I have?" Honda demanded, his brown eyes surprisingly sharp. "I haven't said shit about you being gay, Jonouchi, and I sure as hell haven't kicked you out either because of it. Are you actually excusing him so you can make some bullshit accusations at me?"
Jonouchi stared at his very obviously infuriated friend. His indignation and anger had faded due to shock, and his eyes were wide in bewilderment. He'd never really seen Honda so irritated over someone before, and certainly never toward Kaiba of all people.
He eventually settled down, but there was still a lot of noticeable tension as Jonouchi sighed in relief.
"What was I supposed to think when you were sitting over there making weird faces at me?" Jonouchi answered, frowning a little when his friend didn't answer right away.
Honda looked as if he couldn't understand his question.
"What? In the last twenty-four hours, you've told me that you're gay and have been sleeping around with Kaiba, who rejected you so hard that you still look like you just came back from a funeral. You're trying to tell me I shouldn't be bad-mouthing him for it, but you're upset with me because I don't find your sex life an appealing thought."
"It's not like I can do anything about that."
"Why can't you?" Honda's brow creased, his lips turning into an almost pouting expression as he searched Jonouchi for an answer.
Jonouchi spluttered before crossing his arms angrily.
"It's not like I just woke up and decided to start wanting dick!" he replied back, his voice harsh enough that Honda winced a little. "Why would I choose something like that? Do you think I want to deal with-"
"People do it all the time," Honda insisted stubbornly, "I mean, it's just a physical thing, right? I don't see why you wouldn't want to be with a woman instead..."
Jonouchi groaned, smacking his forehead into the table and tugging on his hair. He didn't even know how he was supposed to explain himself. Maybe it just wouldn't be possible.
"Honda," he sighed, "If it was just physical, I wouldn't be telling you about any of this. It was more than just a sex thing."
They sat silently for a few seconds. Jonouchi couldn't see Honda's expression, so he wasn't sure what was on his mind. He felt very exposed. He imagined that Honda was probably irreparably pissed at him, but he didn't want to try to say anything. He didn't lift his head until he heard Honda speaking.
"Well then," he began, and his hesitant expression made Jonouchi immediately dread what he was going to say, "You don't want to have sex with me or anything, right?"
Jonouchi smacked his face with his palm.
"I'm just making sure!"
"Why would you ask me that?" Jonouchi demanded. "You're my best friend. Just because I like some men doesn't mean I want to fuck you in particular. Seriously, Honda..."
"I wasn't sure," Honda replied, "I mean fuck, I just found out that you're into Kaiba, and he wasn't even halfway decent to you until very recently. If it's more than a physical thing between you two... I don't get it."
"It's different with him," Jonouchi sighed, "And it's complicated. It would take too much time to explain."
"I've got time," Honda replied.
"He really isn't as bad as you think he is," Jonouchi insisted quietly.
"Could've fooled me," Honda replied, crossing his arms now since nothing he was saying helped any.
Jonouchi sighed.
"I told you what happened, Honda. He gave me a job that's keeping me afloat. Once you get past his standoffish exterior, he really isn't a bad friend."
"Jonouchi," Honda mumbled tiredly, rubbing his eyes from the lack of sleep, "I know you can't be that serious about him. You wouldn't be trying this hard to convince me if he was actually a good person."
Honda focused his attention on him, his gaze stern and almost accusing. Jonouchi looked away.
"I really think you've been making a huge mistake."
Jonouchi sighed, resting his head on his hand as he contemplated what to say. Almost all his reasons for having trusted Kaiba so much were related to Kaiba helping Jonouchi finally get away from Kitamura. Jonouchi didn't want to discuss that. He'd avoided doing so by not even mentioning the man's name, much less talking about what had happened between them. Jonouchi didn't even know how Honda would react to that, at this point.
"There were other things he did that really helped me," Jonouchi began, "But I can't really talk to you about that without telling you things I don't want to get into."
"Might make you feel better," Honda suggested, although his face didn't seem that eager to hear about it.
Jonouchi had a feeling he wasn't going to continue their chat for much longer. He sighed heavily.
"You remember how I told you about the after party I went to? The one Mokuba invited me to?"
"Yeah," Honda snorted, "I vaguely remember that. You told me Kaiba was being his usual self, except drunk."
"Right."
Jonouchi narrowed his eyes slightly, detecting that Honda had barely dodged an insult and choosing not to address it. At least he was trying, kind of.
"I'm not going to talk about Kaiba anymore, this isn't about him. I ran into another guy there. He was nice to me and got me drunk in Mokuba's suite. I didn't even realize what was going on until he'd already taken advantage of me when I couldn't do anything to stop him."
"What?" Honda practically screeched, sitting up so suddenly that Thai leapt from where he was hanging around and ran off in a panic.
Jonouchi groaned into his hands when he saw Honda's expression of disbelief. Anxious, he immediately looked off towards the front door of the apartment, as if he had a chance to escape further questioning.
"Who is this guy? Where is he?"
"A businessman, and he doesn't even live here. He's not even the point I'm trying to make; I'm just trying to explain that you don't know about everything that's happened to me in the last few months. It wasn't a good time for me, and I was going through a lot of things, things I'm not proud of..."
He trailed off, shying away from Honda's eyeful observation. It seemed as if he was waiting for more details, specifically names and descriptions, but he wasn't going to get any.
"I was fucked up for a while because of what happened. Kaiba was there to support me when he found out. I mean, we were already kind of friends by then, but..."
He paused, losing track of his words as he remembered the morning Kaiba had actually found out the truth about what happened. He had been so blunt about calling out what had happened,certainly. He could have been more delicate about it but Kaiba never shamed Jonouchi over it. He could forgive Kaiba for being a little cold. At least he hadn't told him it was his fault it happened in the first place.
"Kaiba was more upset about it than I was at the time," he snorted, "I blamed myself for it. He made me start thinking that it wasn't my fault. I don't even know where I'd be if he hadn't been there to help me."
It had taken time for it all to really sink in, of course. Kaiba had been the reason Jonouchi started realizing in the first place, that Kitamura was taking advantage of him. Even when Jonouchi was in denial of the rape, Kaiba's words had continued to gnaw at him until he couldn't stand it anymore. Part of Jonouchi almost wished he could still be ignorant again, but that was his cowardice speaking.
"Shit," Honda cursed, and Jonouchi looked at him, "Why didn't you tell me sooner? You know I would have been there for you."
"I didn't think there was much of anything to tell."
Honda stared at his toes for a few seconds looking thoughtful before he nodded in understanding. Then he met Jonouchi's eyes again, his expression revealing that something had just come to him.
"I won't ignore the fact that he helped you," he continued, "But that doesn't excuse him from doing the same thing to you."
"What?" Jonouchi gaped. He was about to argue why Honda was wrong, but Honda continued on before he could cut him off.
"I know he didn't exactly trick you into sex, but he took advantage of your feelings, didn't he?" accused Honda. "He knew how much you liked him and that you'd have sex with him because of that, and he was happy to have the benefits of your feelings without being honest."
"It really wasn't like that, Honda," Jonouchi grumbled, trying to keep his temper under control, "He refused to have sex with me for the longest time. He didn't even want to mess around at first. I talked him into it and promised that I wouldn't get too attached because I knew how he felt about relationships...
"After a while... I don't know. I guess I thought he was going to change his mind about us because he liked me. He acted like we were dating, in a lot of ways, all the time. We spent all our time together, and you know how busy he is... I thought I was finally a part of his life. But when I asked about it again, it just all turned ugly."
Jonouchi sighed, brushing the memory away. He was hoping to get through the day without giving up and hiding in the spare bedroom.
"I know he likes me. He's told me he does, and he's proved it frequently. He's just a fucking coward like he always was."
"I guess I'm not surprised about that," Honda scowled, lying back down against the pillow. "But really, I can't approve of you chasing after him if he doesn't care enough about you to suck up his pride and apologize. You're worth more than that, Jonouchi, and you gave him a lot even after you had gotten hurt."
"Oh, shut up," Jonouchi grumbled, "I'm not a virgin or some shit. I can't really blame him for not wanting to date me, anyway. He's a public figure with a reputation to protect. We'd never be able to be open. If your reaction is anything to go off of, how do you think the world would react if it came out that he was living with another man?"
"Not too well," Honda agreed, "But that's exactly what I don't get. Why would you want to deal with that? Kaiba's rich and can choose to ignore a scandal if it bothered him too much. He's so much money, he could disappear off the planet and continue collecting Kaiba Corp checks for the rest of his life. For you, it would be a whole other story."
"I don't want to deal with that," Jonouchi scowled, feeling as if he was rehashing the same topic repeatedly, "But I can't do anything about it. I like him too much."
"But why can't you-"
"I can't do anything about the way I feel, idiot," Jonouchi interrupted, "I would choose to have an easier life and just mess around with women if I actually liked it. I know it probably sounds weird to you, but I'm not that into girls. I thought I could convince myself to want them, but I just can't."
"No, I don't get it," Honda groaned, covering his eyes with his hands and rubbing. "Having sex with men? That seems too weird. You and I used to watch porn together. I understand that you're not into me or anything, but still, shit..."
"It's not something I can explain very well, Honda."
Jonouchi gave him an uneven look.
"I did things like watch porn and harass girls because I knew that was what I was supposed to. I didn't really think much about it. When I did, shit got confusing."
"Why?" Honda pressed. "Girls are great, why would you even want to hook up with a guy? Especially back when you had Mai trying so hard to get your attention."
"It just wasn't what I liked. Besides, Mai was always a little too old for me anyway," said Jonouchi with a snort. "Can you explain to me why you like women instead of men?"
"Yeah, of course I can," Honda snorted. "Women are soft and have curves. They have tits and asses you can touch. They laugh at all your jokes when they like you, and they keep their skin fair... they talk in light, quiet voices..."
"Those are just your personal preferences."
Jonouchi rolled his eyes at Honda's brief tirade.
"If you're going to get into that, then sure, I can explain why I like Kaiba. His voice is deep and smooth, and his eyes are beautiful. He's tall too, and is in great shape," continued Jonouchi with a smirk, "He's got a six pack but he also has a weird sense of humor I like-"
"Oh stop it," Honda groaned, burying his face in the back of the couch, "Just stop. I don't need to know what Kaiba does for you."
"Ha, well, I haven't even started describing his lower half yet."
"No, I don't want to hear it."
"Are you worried he might have a nicer dick than you?" Jonouchi snickered.
"Oh, fuck off," Honda lost patience and chucked his pillow at Jonouchi's face. "Are you trying to help me understand, or scare me off?"
"Do you get my point?" asked Jonouchi after Honda had given up on making faces at him and put his pillow back in its proper place. "It's a personal thing. I can't really explain why I'm attracted to men and you'd never understand so please stop bothering me about it. My sexuality has always felt normal to me. You don't have to get it to be understanding..."
Jonouchi felt concerned when Honda looked more thoughtful and slightly upset than illuminated.
"What about that other guy?" Honda asked hesitantly.
Jonouchi knew he was probably lucky that Honda wasn't trying to press him for more information about Kitamura. For all he knew, it might still come up later, but he was optimistic and hoped not. He didn't want Honda trying to find the guy, or doing something stupid that would backfire on them both.
"I mean, you said he took advantage of you. Are you sure you don't just think you're gay because of that?"
"Are you serious?" Jonouchi asked, his tone offended and chiding. "Honda, I knew what I liked before that even happened. I also know the difference between being attracted to someone and feeling like I should be."
"Don't look so mad," Honda frowned, "It was a legitimate question. I just wanted to make sure..."
"You said it In the least tactful way possible," Jonouchi bit back. "It was offensive."
"Hey," Honda cried out, his voice defensive and hands up as if to protect himself from Jonouchi's words, "I was just asking to be sure you knew."
"You're a dumbass and your questions are really hard to deal with," Jonouchi stated. "I mean, I know you're trying and all, but half of your questions make me want to give up and stop trying. I can't help you understand if you don't even try, you know."
"I am trying," Honda insisted, seeming a little dejected. "It's a lot to figure out, Jonouchi."
"Yeah..." Jonouchi replied, looking away as he sighed a little.
Jonouchi could recall that it took him some time as a much younger teenager to wrap his head around his realization, when it had finally come to him. He could hardly expect Honda to change his entire outlook on sex during just one conversation, but it was still frustrating to deal with his ignorance. At least he didn't seem bothered anymore.
"But why is it easier for you to just accept that Kaiba's into guys but not me?" Jonouchi asked. "You never once questioned that when I told you."
"Well," Honda glanced away awkwardly, "I always figured he was wired differently. I mean, Kaiba's super rich but has no girlfriend to speak of. Back in high school, he didn't date at all even though plenty of girls liked him and wanted to be with him. He could get with any woman in Japan but he chooses to be alone.
"Then there's the way he acts and dresses. I used to think he was just looking for attention, you know, for his company. His outfits used to be so flamboyant... Then I thought for a while that maybe he wasn't capable of liking anyone sexually, so that was why he didn't date anyone."
"You think he likes men because of the way he acts and dresses?"Jonouchi replied in obvious distaste. "It's not like he's running around in drag or some shit! Having eccentric taste in clothes isn't a crime. Besides, we all thought that jacket of his was cool, even if it was extreme."
Honda looked back at him as if he knew he'd reached a sore spot.
"Kaiba's always been pretty unconventional, Jonouchi, and vain about his appearance," said Honda. "He's also spiteful at times like someone's jilted ex-girlfriend."
"Kaiba isn't girly," Jonouchi snapped, and Honda opened his mouth to defend himself to no avail, "Where do you even get the idea to think things like that?"
"It's not like I could help it," Honda grumbled, but he didn't offer anything else in his own defense.
Jonouchi's disgruntled mood was quite obvious. Honda apparently knew better than to test it.
"You're something else..."
"Look who's talking," Honda snorted, standing slowly and stretching his arms over his head. "I don't even know what's going on anymore. I'm too tired to think straight. I guess I'll have to decide how to deal with your homosexuality after I take a nap."
Jonouchi scoffed before rolling his eyes.
"Sit your ass down, Honda, I'm not done yet."
Honda did as he was told, looking put off. Jonouchi didn't care. Not until they were at some sort of understanding. Only then would Jonouchi let him leave to sleep. There was no way on earth he was going to allow himself to be cut off like that, especially not over something he cared so much about. Even if Kaiba was a dick to him sometimes, Jonouchi wasn't going to let Honda insult his masculinity like that.
"Kaiba's always been more manly than you've ever been, Honda. Or do you not remember being stuck in a toy monkey during the Battle City tournament and Shizuka had to carry you around everywhere? Or like, just about every embarrassing moment of yours in high school?" Jonouchi pointed out unmercifully. "Miho rejected you that one time after class and you didn't stop crying about it until after a week had passed..."
"What?" Honda looked scandalized. "I'm not the one running around in crazy outfits, going into long, poetic rants each time someone beats me at a card game."
"You never even tried to seriously learn duel monsters," Jonouchi snorted. "You don't know what it's like to work so hard at something and then have it all disappear in your hands. You've never competed in anything. It fucking sucks to lose. When you've really worked hard to win, it's not easy being gracious... And Kaiba lost his company the first time he'd lost a duel. All those corporate assholes turned their backs on him and he was alone...
"And yeah, Kaiba has his colorful moments, but that's because he's so smart and articulate. I don't think it has anything to do with his sexuality. The way he speaks comes from how he was raised and educated. Besides, he still has far more female admirers than you, without a doubt..."
"So do all those pop stars that dress up like women on stage," Honda replied, looking distinctly unconvinced.
Honda was being stubborn now. Jonouchi knew he wasn't going to relent now that his ego was on the line.
"I'm not saying he's girly, but he doesn't act like a regular guy. I know a little bit about the shit he dealt with growing up, so I guess I get why he talks the way he does, but still. I dunno. He always came off as being a little queer to me."
"You're so full of shit, Honda," sighed Jonouchi, rolling his eyes in frustration. "Being into fashionable clothing and using colorful language while talking doesn't make you more gay than anyone else.
"Maybe you've forgotten, but Yugi and Otogi also both wear crazy outfits. And you and I both get passionate while talking from time to time too, so all your points are ridiculous. What does that mean, we are all secretly gay now?"
Honda just rolled his eyes, but Jonouchi saw that something was finally sinking into his thick skull.
"I know Kaiba tends to hold extreme grudges, but that had less to do with Yugi and more to do with his own unresolved issues," explained Jonouchi. "You have no idea what his adoptive father was like."
"Fine, you're right," Honda shrugged, "I see what you mean. But Kaiba still gives off weird vibes. Not that I was sure of anything, but he always made me wonder."
"Yeah well, you came to that conclusion for stupid reasons," chided Jonouchi, "He's not even gay. He's gone out with women before but he also likes men, too. I could get more into detail on that, but I'll spare you since I know it'll just freak you out more, and it's really none of your business to know anyway..."
Honda didn't need to know about what went on in Kaiba's bedroom. He would probably just look down on him for it, and Jonouchi didn't need that sort of judgment after he'd had enough of it just from spilling his guts over being dumped. It wouldn't be a good idea to tell him how much he liked getting dicked, and that Kaiba wasn't into that like Jonouchi was.
"You shouldn't think just because he has a few eccentricities, that means he's some giant fag," Jonouchi argued, "Because he's not. He's manly as hell."
"I get it," Honda muttered, "He can be as 'manly' as he wants to be. It doesn't really change the fact that he sleeps with other guys. Why would he want to chase after men and women? If I were him, I'd avoid the hassle of a potential scandal and stick to the ladies..."
"He can't help how much he likes me," snickered Jonouchi. "Do you think he was happy about it when he figured that out?"
Jonouchi couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Kaiba had been difficult, to say the least. When Honda gave Jonouchi a sour look, he finally tried quieting himself.
"It's not like anyone can help who they're attracted to. You should know that."
Jonouchi hugged himself, sighing before speaking again.
"Besides, Kaiba didn't chase me. I went after him."
"It doesn't make me feel better to know that he didn't choose you," Honda snorted, closing his eyes for an extended period of time before shaking his head and opening them again.
Jonouchi ignored his little comment. He didn't feel like going off on him again.
"If I had ended up wanting to sleep with a guy, I'd be pretty upset about it," said Honda. "But my response wouldn't be to develop a close emotional relationship with said guy, and then get physically intimate, and finally break it off afterwards."
"It wasn't his fault though. I was relentless, really."
Jonouchi sighed before scratching his head.
"I just thought we were ready for more, but I guess he wasn't of the same mind..."
"Jonouchi," Honda faced him sternly, but his tone wasn't harsh in the least. "Stop blaming yourself. Maybe Kaiba wasn't just setting you up to let you down, but that doesn't mean you're automatically to blame."
"Maybe not, but I'm not exactly innocent either. I did tell him before that I could handle a sexual relationship without anything else, that's what I wanted at first," explained Jonouchi. "But then I just got caught up with everything else. I couldn't help it. I don't think he could either, but he's trying to fight it so much. It's not as simple as you're making it."
He frowned and realized that Kaiba didn't even really 'break up' with him. He'd just left Jonouchi to go to work. Wouldn't it be a shock for him to find out that Jonouchi wasn't planning on returning to him anytime soon. Jonouchi wanted to keep his distance. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle seeing Kaiba again so soon after such a messy fight. He certainly couldn't continue carrying on like they were before without some kind of commitment. Jonouchi refused to be a casual sex fling when he felt much more about Kaiba than just sexual desire. It didn't even have to be anything super serious. It just had to be something.
Kaiba needed to be honest about his intentions and desires for once. Jonouchi wasn't going to just keep blindly following after him, hoping one day he'd want a real relationship.
"It's really complicated, Honda," sighed Jonouchi. "He didn't even break up with me... he just told me he didn't want a relationship and then left for work... He's just being a stubborn ass. And I'm really disappointed in him. That's why I broke down in the bathroom. I don't know what to do about it, and I feel like shit."
"By 'disappointed', do you mean 'heartbroken'? That's what it looked like to me," Honda said as he raised an eyebrow. "What are you going to do, then? You said you're not interested in women, but..."
"But what?" Jonouchi blinked, looking away as Thai came around to roll in the middle of the floor, trying to take the attention, "I just need a break from it all. I'm not gonna suddenly change my entire sexuality just because I hit a bump in the road, it doesn't work like that.
"I just can't talk to Kaiba right now. It hurts too much."
"Fine, I get it."
Honda's eyes traveled to the cat that was writhing around on the floor. Thai was motionless when they made eye contact, but when Honda stopped watching him, he started flopping around again.
"Do you really 'get it', Honda?" asked Jonouchi, "Because I'm not sure you do even a little bit."
"Well obviously I don't understand your relationship with Kaiba, but I can see you're pretty messed up about the whole thing. I'm not sure what to think about it yet, but if you are that down about it, then it makes sense that you'd want some time away before you look at going back again."
Honda shifted so there would be more room for Thai to lie on his chest. The cat had been staring at him for quite a while, and it seemed that Honda was going to give in to him.
"I'm really stubborn," Jonouchi started to explain, "I'm not going to give up on Kaiba. I'll find some way to convince him it'll work out. I mean..."
He thought about everything that had happened the past few days. The great sex, the nights together just talking, everything that had happened between them. It would be a waste to just drop everything because Kaiba was being...himself. Even if Jonouchi was upset, and probably would be for some time, it wasn't a hopeless situation.
"Well, we've been through a lot, and I've come too far to just drop it all because he's in denial or whatever. I'm not happy with him, but I'll figure out what to do about him later."
"What if he doesn't change his mind?" Honda asked. "I mean, historically speaking, he never has."
"That's not true," challenged Jonouchi. "He doesn't change his mind easily, but once he does, it's settled. It wasn't that long ago he wouldn't even admit to liking me at all... Besides, I know how he feels about me, even if he can't articulate it out loud."
It wasn't anything he wanted to explain to Honda in detail. Like how the first time they'd had sex, Kaiba had done everything in his power to please him. It was one of the best experiences in Jonouchi's life. He knew it had also meant a great deal to Kaiba too, because he had told him he wouldn't have sex with someone unless it would be meaningful. It couldn't be all for nothing.
"But for the sake of your sanity, Honda, I won't get into it. Just know, I'm not gonna give up on him. I just need a break."
Honda made a face that seemed like a combination of confusion and biting his tongue. He did open his mouth to speak, but changed his mind and sat petting Thai instead, shutting his eyes.
"Maybe it'll make more sense later," Honda shrugged slightly before yawning, "It all sounds melodramatic to me, Jonouchi. But I haven't slept yet, so maybe my understanding is a little compromised."
"Ha! It's just confusing to you because you've never had sex with anyone who's actually liked you yet."
Jonouchi got up, stretching his joints before getting up to steal the remote to the tv. He didn't have to work that day, thankfully. He couldn't deal with being stuck at Kaiba Land just yet, but that didn't mean he was going to sleep in depression anymore either. He was better than that, and looking towards Honda's kitchen, he thought about raiding it before smirking.
"You couldn't imagine what that feels like," he teased, watching Honda become red in the face, "But maybe one day you will and you'll understand."
"Maybe you should take your own advice about not talking about things you don't know about," Honda made a face at him. "I've had good sex before, Jonouchi."
"You've been with a girl before who liked you?" asked Jonouchi, laughing before moving closer to where Honda was sitting, "Who, when, and where?"
"No one you know, when you weren't around, and nowhere you're cool enough to go," Honda responded, turning his nose up. "We even had a couple of dates before and after, but then she moved away."
"Yeah right."
Jonouchi didn't quite believe Honda. No one just moved away after something that was meaningful, but whatever. It wasn't his business, and he didn't really care. Honda looked like he was about to pass out, and he didn't really want to talk to him anymore anyway.
"Go to bed, I'll stop bothering you about my shitty romantic life."
Jonouchi threw a pillow at Honda's head and laid on the couch, flipping channels before he noticed a commercial with his face on it. When the hell did that happen? He remembered some time behind the camera... It was something he'd been working on alongside Mokuba, advertising the new duel disk coming out that December. But when Kaiba's face appeared, he had to turn the tv off quickly.
"I'm gonna step outside to get some food, I'll be back."
He heard Honda calling sleepily after him that there was loads of food he liked in the apartment, but Jonouchi had already shut the door before he finished. Sure, there was plenty in the fridge, but now he needed fresh air and exercise. Maybe also some kind of distraction.
Besides, he wasn't against eating his feelings in food. It sounded like a good plan to him.