The timeline in my head is a little bit of a mess (as everything is after Days of Future Past), but I've got this set somewhere around the end of the X2 movie without Jean dying.
This chapter is from the POV of Anna Paquin's Rouge, enjoy!
"I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy
'Cause I can't escape the gravity
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?"
(Heavy- Linking Park feat. Kiiara)
"Hey, Kitty, you seen Logan around? He wasn't in class today, it was Scott." Rogue asked her roommate when she got back from her after close quarters combat class shower.
Kitty shook her head, eyeing her fingernail polish critically, "He stormed out of the Professor's office pretty early this morning, that's the last I've seen of him."
Rogue frowned, rubbing her towel over her wet hair, "Stormed out? Like…normal Logan or…?"
"He was pissed about something, more so than usual I'd say. He almost ran me over." Kitty said, dragging her eyes from her fingernails, "What's up with you?"
Rogue shrugged, pulling on her clothes, "Ah don't really know."
Kitty eyed her skeptically, "You know if you want to talk, I'm here for you. That's part of why we're roommates, you know. You sure you're peachy?"
"That, and Ah'm less likely to kill you if we accidentally bump into each other." Rogue said dryly, pulling her hair up into a ponytail, something she'd only just become comfortable with, "Ah'm fine. Ah just…Ah think there's someone else who needs someone to talk to this morning."
Kitty's seriousness faded away, "Well, as long as you're thinking it, you and Logan did both miss breakfast. Might be a conversation starter if you want to try to get something out of him. We both know you're going to have a tough time though. He's harder to get to know than you are."
Rogue glared half heartedly at the older girl, "Thanks."
Kitty smiled brightly, picking up her books for her next class, "Any time!"
Rogue made her way downstairs to the kitchen, and, avoiding Storm, managed to make two sandwiches and get outside without being told by anyone to get to her class. All the powers thrumming in her head actually seemed to agree that finding Logan was important, and she found him by the lake. "Lunch?" He took the sandwich from her, but didn't say anything. He didn't eat it either, even when Rogue ate hers sitting crosslegged next to him. She let the silence drag as long as she could, but finally broke down, "Anything Ah can help ya with?"
He scoffed, "Hell, Marie, I wish." She let the silence drag again, knowing he wasn't going to tell her anything any faster or more if she badgered him. Her patience paid off, probably more than she'd wanted to, "There's a video. I wasn't alone with Stryker. There was a girl. Shit, couldn't have been any older than you. She was pregnant, now they're probably dead. Shit, I don't know. Head's all screwed up. I don't even know her name." He started to get up, "Hell, why am I dumping this shit on you? Get to class, kid."
Rogue put a gloved hand on his arm, "Hey, maybe Ah can help you unlock some of those memories." He stared down at her, "Ah've been practicing hypnosis stuff with Jean an' the Professor… Maybe I could help you, Couldn't hurt, right?"
He scoffed again, but the hard edges on his face smoothed out a bit, "You're not going to leave it until I let you, are you?" She shook her head, and he smiled wryly, "What the hell, I couldn't possibly want to stab myself anymore than I already do. You're a menace."
Rogue gave him one of her own rare smiles, "You're the only one who's not secretly afraid of me."
Something in his eyes got even sadder, but he just sat down in front of her, "Alright, kid, have at it. Just be aware, what I've seen…it's not pretty." He sighed heavily, "Not the worst you've seen, but…try to keep yourself out of my memories."
"Sure." She lied. He was too distracted to realize it, and hadn't payed enough attention to that aspect of her borrowed powers to realize she hadn't learned how to keep the memories of others from bleeding into her own head. She would see everything he saw.
He shook his head and started to stand once more, "Shit, I can't do this."
"Logan, wait!" Rogue had already taken off her glove, and forgot herself in the midst of her desire to help the one person she felt gave a shit about her. Her bare hand made contact with his forearm, and they were both pulled into his scrambled memories:
A beautiful red haired woman stood in front of him, hardly a few years older than Rogue, not really a woman at all, dressed in a grey tank top and sweat pants. The skin around her mouth was pulled back in a smile, her eyes tightening in the corners as she said in a sweet voice, "That's okay. You don't eat me, I'll keep you company. Deal?" She smiled even wider after a few seconds pause, as if amused by something he'd said, "It's called a smile, wild man. You're not going to eat me, so damned right I'm gonna smile."
The memory changed suddenly. He was now standing over the woman who was eerily pale on the ground surrounded by a puddle of blood. She was still beautiful, even covered in her own blood with half her torso shredded by a gunshot. She wasn't quite dead yet, but her pallor indicated she didn't have long. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled to breathe, and when she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper, "I love you. But I don't matter, she does. Get her out."
One of her hands pressed his down insistently as her head fell back and her blue eyes lost focus. He kissed her chilled cheek, and his claws bit into her skin. A minute later, he was holding a baby in his hands, and her mother's heart wasn't beating anymore as she stared sightlessly up at them, her face a peaceful mask Rogue had never seen on any of the dead she'd ever laid eyes on.
The memory cut out, and then he was running through snow, the baby girl in his arms, tucked tight against his chest to shield her naked body from the icy air. He hesitated just a moment at the edge of the lake, but changed course, only to find himself laying flat on his back with a bullet in his neck.
The baby wailed, still safe in his arms, but he couldn't move to quiet her. He was conscious, but he couldn't move a muscle. Severed spinal cord. A man stood over him, William Stryker, Rogue's own memories supplied, "So close, Logan, but you've failed." He pulled the baby from Logan's arms, and held her in his arms, looking her over critically, "Hello, X-23. Happy Birthday."
He extended one hand to his men, and a gun was placed in it. Baby still screaming in the crook of his other arm, he pointed the gun at Logan, "Adamantium bullets, Weapon X, and this time, no little red headed mutant whore is going to be there to bring you back. Thank you for this little one though, I've got some great plans for her." He pulled the safety on the handgun back.
Rogue managed to pull her hand away from Logan's arm just as the bullet exited the chamber. Logan stood frozen, staring at her as she stared back at him. She stumbled to her feet, shaking, grabbing for her glove on the ground, "L-Logan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!"
He turned away from her with a growl, "Go to class, Rogue."
Rogue stared at his back, wanting to help him, but she was pretty sure she'd just made things a whole lot worse. Tears welled in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Logan." She did what came naturally, and ran. By the time she came back to the Mansion, it was dark. She was still so confused, feeling a grief that wasn't hers, and feeling guilt that was…mostly… hers. She'd wanted to make things better, but instead, she'd made them worse. The pain that had been in Logan's eyes… that was because of her. Maybe they'd all be better off without her around. She couldn't hurt any of the people she cared about if she wasn't there.
Did I say enjoy? Eep! Sorry for more feels! Hopefully this chapter ironed out some more timeline details. If there's anything too confusing, just shoot me a review!
-Jenn
(Just a note, I'm imagining Kitty as a year or so older than Rogue, having been with the X-Men for a much longer time, and also being more like her Evolution counterpart in personality.)