Hermione woke up in her bed after what she deemed an exhausting day. Yesterday she was with Tom Riddle and Draco Malfoy, having a butterbeer. It was both mentally exhausting and confusing, and she was happy that she was able to sleep in. It was the first time in a long time where her energy meter felt like it was finally starting to be replenished.
She lied in her bed for at least fifteen minutes, enjoying the solitude and quiet. She then got ready for the day and got dressed before making her way down to the common area. It was a little later than usual, so she figured she was alone and Tom had likely left for lunch already. She had noticed he was usually awake early. She sat down on the couch and sighed a breath of relief. She noticed how clenched up her body had been, and concentrated on relaxing and focusing her mind.
She decided that the first thing she had to do was go get some food. She left the common room and started to walk towards the Great Hall. While walking, she started to think about her plans for the day when it suddenly all came rushing back to her. The battle, the fact that she killed people in the battle. She had used the most unforgiveable curse. It was all in the name of the battle, but that thought did not relieve her guilt and feeling of despair. To think it wasn't that long ago when she was fighting for her life and her friend's lives, and technically still was. It didn't feel right that she was strolling to the Great Hall for food when so many people were dead.
An even worse thought popped into her mind, the fact that she selfishly agreed to travel back in the past to save her friends. She didn't even stop to think, which wasn't like her at all. She acted on instinct alone. Foolish instinct, and she might have made the biggest mistake of them all. Who knows what she would change in the past? There's the possibility of her just being there would set in motion a course which would result in her friends never even being born. It could make things worse. Even something like that Dumbledore could not predict.
She trusted Dumbledore, but did she trust herself enough to not mess things up? Could their lives even be saved and the future be made better? Or was it already predetermined since it was where she came from? So many questions flooded her mind, theories of time travel never tested, and she did not know what she was doing. Sure, she had time travelled before, but it was supervised and was never too far back in time. Dumbledore had always been around if needed and it was never that far back in time.
The sorting hat in this time was right. Hermione had changed. Normally she would have thought about the consequences of time travel this far into the past before agreeing. She wished she had asked more questions, but realistically knew that she did not have time to.
Hermione's vision started to get blurry and she felt herself getting hot, and her back getting sweaty. Was she getting sick? She felt confused and stopped against a wall, slid down and sat on the floor. She pulled her knees up close and leaned her head against them.
Deep breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out.
It all seemed rather overwhelming to her. The responsibility she had, and all of the unknowns. Her and her friends were always in grave danger but she was able to take the time to do the research, make a plan, and know what they were getting into. Her mind brought her back to the words she told Draco when he first arrived, "We have to trust that Dumbledore knows what he - or we are doing." She had to trust in someone she always considered to be one of her mentors at Hogwarts.
Deep breaths. She started to concentrate on her breath and a plan to go straight to the infirmary. It was obviously she was not feeling well and that something was wrong. She blinked her eyes a few times and slowly looked up, surprised to see Draco standing there.
"Hermione?! Can you hear me?" He said frantically.
Confused, she replied back, "Of course I can hear you, what are you going on about? I think I'm feeling a bit ill and need to go to the infirmary."
He sat down beside her and asked, "What's wrong?"
"I'm not sure, I was walking to the Great Hall.. maybe I just need some food. My vision started to get a bit blurry, I felt hot and I couldn't breath properly"
"How do you feel now?" He asked.
"Um… Actually I do not feel as bad anymore. A little shaky but I don't feel as hot anymore and I can see fine."
"I think you had a panic attack."
"What? I've never had one before, why would you say that?"
"Because I have, and I know what it looks like. I can see it in your eyes."
She sat there for a moment, not sure what to say back. It was a new experience for her, and she still felt like it was potentially the flu or hunger.
Draco spoke again, "Listen, let's get you to the Great Hall and you can eat something. If you still feel sick after some time, I'll help get you to the infirmary."
Hermione nodded and slowly stood up. She felt a bit confused and did not feel like she had the energy to argue. As they walked towards the Great Hall, what they did not know, was that they had pair of eyes watching them leave.
After about 40 minutes of eating/drinking and sitting at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, Hermione was relieved to say she felt a lot better. She felt a bit embarrassed that she did not realize it was a panic attack, after all she did have the knowledge needed to recognize and support someone going through one, thanks to her parents insisting on a course on it when she was younger.
By that time, it was relatively empty in the Great Hall save for a few stragglers. There was no one else she knew at the Slytherin table besides Draco, and everyone was seated fairly far from one another or in their little group of friends.
"I am surprised to be saying this, but thank you for earlier. I guess I was lucky it was you who walked by and not someone else," Hermione said to Draco as she took another sip of water. Draco was quietly looking down at his plate and did not say anything back. Hermione supposed he felt uncomfortable or had nothing to say, but it was actually lucky that she was able to have some quiet time with him.
"Listen, I think we need to talk somewhere privately and do some research and work out a plan for… you know…" she trailed off, trying to think of how to covertly say it without sounding suspicious to anyone who might overhear.
"No," the short reply stopped Hermione in her tracks, taken aback.
"What do you mean no?" It was just like him to be difficult. They had a job to do here and she was not going to let Dumbledore, her friends, heck the whole wizarding world down. She knew that she could not linger on the "what ifs" and had to set her mind on the goals. She needed a plan, she needed—
He cut her thoughts off, "This is not something we can make a plan for. He will see right through that. We can't go to the library, do our research, come up with a thesis statement or hypothesis and set out to prove it. I know this might be tough for someone like you to hear but,"
"Someone like me?" She said angrily, reacting in the moment.
"BUT," he emphasized, ignoring her comment. "You are right that we need a plan. I just don't think it can be as… methodically thought out as you are hoping. I think we should take the day to think about it and then we can meet tomorrow and talk."
"I'm not sure this can wait, Draco. You know what is at risk." Hermione sternly replied as she finished off her water.
Draco stood up from the table, smirked at her and said "Don't worry about it. We have all the time in the world."
She shook her head, not even knowing where to start with him. Firstly, that pun made no sense in the context of the situation they were in, but sure throw in a generic pun on time because they time travelled. And where did he think he was going? She took another deep breath and resigned herself. They would meet tomorrow and discuss a plan, and that was the overall outcome of what she wanted today.
She stood up and made her way to the library. She felt well rested when she woke up, but the panic attack earlier had taken a lot out of her. She had ignored her emotions over the past few days but she felt like she did not have the time or space to consider everything that had happened to her. She recognized that with time travel, there were a lot of unknowns. If she thought more about the implications, the possibilities, she would never move forward. Yet still, her curiosity could not help but to think of those questions. As she entered the library, she grabbed a familiar book and sat down at a table hidden behind the shelves in the back. One thing was always certain, it did not matter what year she was in, the library would always feel like home to her.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she was around one third of the way through her book when someone sat down across from her.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" a male voice politely asked. She looked up and saw it was Tom Riddle. She wanted to say, yes, I do mind, because you are or will be a psychopathic serial killer, but she held her tongue. She had some time to think while she was reading, and knew the goal was to try and befriend him. She couldn't do that if she never spent any time with him.
"Of course, I'm surprised you are not in the quarters studying instead." Hermione noticed that he was reading one of the books for a class. A book that they did not have to read until next month.
"It is almost too quiet up there. The library has a certain different type of quiet that I find better for studying."
"Hm. Quite right."
They sat in silence for a couple minutes longer, each of them reading their respective books.
"Is everything alright? You look… tired." Tom quietly asked.
"Gee, thanks." Hermione laughed, shaking her head.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
Hermione looked up from her book and was a bit startled to see Tom starting intensely back. It was rather unnerving and made her feel uncomfortable.
"Well... It's just been a bit of a rough day is all."
"Care to talk about it?"
Hermione did not know what to say here. She felt tense. Every interaction with him felt like she had to calculate what was going to say, and that saying the wrong thing could end up badly. She was never sure how much to share, and did not want to make up stories too much lest he be able to poke at the plot holes in them.
"Everything that happened… you know, with my parents. It's just that some mornings are harder than others." She said, looking back down at her book. She was not sure how he would react to a conversation that led more on the vulnerable side.
"It must feel incredibly tough. It is a good thing you have friends here to lean on when you need to. Like Draco and those two anno-uh, friendly Hufflepuffs."
"Well as annoying as those two might be, they do not judge me and they take the time to get to know me. That's more than I can say for some others at this school."
"Who do you mean?"
"Nevermind. Hey, did you get to the part in the book yet about the Pliuygat Theory?" Hermione swiftly changed the subject.
"Not yet, you've read this book already?"
"Oh yes, quite a few times."
"What do you think about the author's opinion that the Lutwih Theory is invalid?"
Hermione and Tom sat there conversing about the Lutwih Theory and the holes within the theory, as well as theories related to the subject matter. Hermione was invested into the conversation and having the discussion, that for one brief moment, it felt like she was not talking to the Dark Lord, but to another Hogwarts student who valued knowledge as much as she did.
And, unbeknownst to her, for one brief moment, Tom forgot he was talking to someone he was suspicious of. He felt like he was finally talking to someone who could not only match his wit, but also understand his knowledge and the importance of it.
Preview of a future chapter (or is it?): "Headmaster Dippet and Professor Dumbledore spoke to me about your situation before you were sorted, why do you think you received the Head Girl badge? Do you think we just give them out willy nilly based on nothing but academics? After the year had already started?"