A/n: I tried to fix all the heir/air errors, I choose to blame trying to listen to the audiobook while I write not my own stupidity, never that.
I changed the spelling from here of Bomballerina to make it easier to read because my housemate couldn't make heads or tails of T.S. Elliots spelling of the word and I hope it makes reading easier.
Note that I'm changing Lockharts idiocy slightly from canon.
Standard Disclaimer applies.
Hermione slipped into the seat beside him at the breakfast but did not speak, she elected to stare longingly at him instead and bite at her lip, "This isn't about last night is it? I've heard worse things said about me, to me and those people meant them."
"It's not about that," Hermione shook her head solemnly.
"If this is about Finn last night, I want you to know that it was beyond my control," Kurt tweaked his hair as he spoke.
Hermione's eyes grew wide, "What did your brother do to me?"
"He was doing handstands in the library," Kurt winced as he recalled the previous night, "then he kind of kissed Neville Harry."
"I'm not sure whether to be more concerned about me kissing Harry or Finn kissing Neville," Hermione laughed the misfortune off with a shrug.
"It was with tongue," Kurt furrowed his brow before shuddering at the memory.
Hermione seemed to look uncomfortable again and began to fiddle with her Alice band, she eventually settled on pounce hugging him, "speaking of people being items," Hermione backed up and took a deep breath, "I overheard Katie Bell saying that Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang declared relationship status, they're an item."
Kurt took a deep breath as he tried not to let his shock and hurt show, "He… I… Well…" but no words came, he took a steadying breath, "If he wants to date a quidditch player then the least he could do is date a pretty one, Angelina Johnson is totally single and way prettier. Or if it's a Ravenclaw he prefers then Padma has beauty, intelligence and a personality, something Cho is clearly missing."
"You're not angry?" Hermione's words were carefully chosen and vigilantly spoken.
"Why would I be angry?" Kurt's voice was unnatural on his ears, it was a fourth octave lower than usual, "in actual fact, I might argue that this wasn't any of my business."
"How so?"
"He's not my friend," Kurt could hear the soothing tone in his voice but it wasn't having the desired effect, "he's Finn's friend, if anyone should be told it's him."
"He's kind of the one who confirmed the rumours," Hermione grimaced as she spoke, "he asked me to tell you."
"Oh, he's vibrating," Finn stood a safe distance away, "I guess you told him."
"I told him," Hermione nodded in measure, "after he told me you made out with Neville last night, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I was telling him he would look sexy with his hair pushed back but he didn't believe me," Finn dropped into the seat beside Kurt as he spoke, "so I let him get to second base."
"Did you realise at any point during that interaction that you were me?" Hermione part whispered, part screamed at the tall boy, "Or that Neville was Harry Potter?"
"I wasn't really in the moment," Finn argued in his defence.
"I can vouch for that," Kurt added as he'd regained his composure, "the conversation was retrospective, we were talking about Christmas and then we ended up discussing our trip back on the Hogwarts express."
"And then I started talking about how different Neville looked when his grandmother combed his hair," Finn tried to explain his actions in his best soothing voice to the angry brunette, "then we were making out."
"Kurt, Hermione," Harry looked confused as he spoke their names, "what is this I'm hearing about me getting to second base with Hermione?"
"Wait," Hermione who had calmed down looked on the verge of spontaneously combusting, "You let him touch my boobs?"
"Technically they were my boobs," Finn smirked goofily but it didn't help his case. Neville just stood at the edge of the group with his eyes widely staring at Finn, "calm down, I'm not going to kiss you again."
"I love how casual everyone is about this," Hermione was livid, "my body was violated and you're all treating it like some joke! Kurt, we're going."
"I'm expecting mail," Kurt couldn't understand why he was pleading but his voice was barely compling with him.
"We've stormed out in spirit," Hermione crossed her arms and looked away from the group of second year boys, Kurt emulated her in solidarity. Kurt looked across the great hall, his eyes met Cedric's for an awkward sliver of a moment but Kurt smiled like he always did and averted his gaze with a coy brush of his hair; just because there's a goal keeper, doesn't mean you can't score. His gaze next landed on Pansy Parkinson's gang and the pug faced girl sneered at her; he averted his gaze once more and landed on a group of Ravenclaw girls who were pointing at their clique and giggling, Kurt felt like there was no winning as he found himself looking back into the faces of his friends.
"This is really awkward for those of us who are innocent in this matter," Harry pointed out to the duo but neither spoke, "Neville, do something."
Neville gave him a disapproving look over the brim of his cup but did not speak; he had taken to silence in solidarity. As none of them spoke Kurt could hear the Hufflepuff boys at the next table speaking about them but couldn't see who it was; only hearing his name but not the context he chose not to react but rather to pull himself toward himself.
"Finn," Harry was obviously growing antsy as their silence wore thin on his nerves, "you have to apologise."
Finn rolled his eyes and used his kicked puppy look, "Hermione Jean Granger, I am so sorry I let Neville Harry touch your boobs."
"It's okay because only Kurt saw," Hermione unfolded her arms and gave her friends a small fleeting smile. Hermione turned to him and smiled, "about my hair."
"What about it?" Kurt looked about it for any tragic braids which solicited a playful swat from Hermione.
"I want it finer," she chewed her lip for a moment, "for time saving reasons."
"Let's call it what it is," Kurt shrugged as he listened to his best friend trying to bullshit him, "you're just like every other thirteen year old girl, a little vanity isn't a sin."
"Fine," Hermione ducked her head slightly, "I felt Pansy's silky hair and that's a direction I want to be heading in but not quite as flat."
"That's why we're waiting for the mail," Kurt pursed his lips triumphantly as he preened, "I've been anticipating this conversation so I sent home a list of demands."
"You've been anticipating Hermione having the desire to do something as superficial as changing her hair?" Neville cocked a defiant brow.
Kurt shot him a cold look, "we might have had a prelude to this conversation, are you satisfied?"
"And what did you demand on my behalf?" Finn snaked his arm over Kurt's shoulders and tilted his head toward him.
Kurt stared intensely at his brother through hooded lids, "Don't you have your own friends to bother?"
"I'm not talking to my friends," Finn mumbled into his sweater.
"And why have you chosen to shun your friends?" Kurt was about to raise his left brow in curiosity but chose to instead raise a hand to stop the boy from speaking the answer to question that no longer interested him, "Why is it my problem?"
"You're the reason why."
"Me?" Kurt raised a quizzical brow.
Finn rubbed his knuckles over the skin on the back of his neck nervously, "they've been saying you're the one attacking people."
"Attacking people?" Kurt knew that his mouth had fallen open in a manner that was probably most unflattering.
Hermione interjected a defence on his behalf, "I think 'People' might be a bit of a stretch, there has only been one attack on a person; Peeves is a poltergeist and Mrs Norris a cat. Furthermore, Kurt is about as guilty as I am because we're always together so if he was so much as hurting a fly I would know. Lastly-"
A loud thud cut Hermione's rant short as a large package landed on the table beside her, "It's here, let's forgetting the murmurs of those less intelligent than ourselves."
"That's the same tone he used when last speaking to Peeves," Kurt turned to see Nearly-Headless Nick whispering to the Fat Friar behind them, "And that's the last time Peeves was seen."
"As I recall," Kurt adjusted his bangs for dramatic effect, "it was the last time your dignity was seen intact, now all that remains is… about half an inch."
"Oh," Hermione smiled devilishly as she took a bite of her French toast, "that is good."
The ghosts looked mortified by the duo's actions and floated away with an angry huff, the Fat Friar in need of consoling once more as he'd begun to weep at Hermione's words.
"Look at them," Kurt turned to see who was being pointed out to the masses but couldn't say he was surprised to see Finn's friend, Ernie Macmillan, pointing at Hermione and him as he got to his feet, "they're terrorising everyone at Hogwarts, even the ghosts aren't safe."
"It was probably them last night," Justin Finch-Fletchley, a second Hufflepuff from Finn's clique, sneered beside him as he got to his feet beside the first boy, "the heir and company playing bad jokes."
Kurt stared blankly as they stood at the Hufflepuff longtable as though waiting for him to retaliate but he knew better than to allow himself to be baited by such folly but he heard Finn's pleading voice coming from behind him, "Come on guys, you're causing a scene based on circumference evidence."
Kurt was about to correct his brother but Ernie spoke before he could, "Circumference or not, they're doing it!"
"You need to wake up Finn," Justin pleaded back at the tall boy, "we aren't safe because of them."
"He ain't evil," Finn dropped onto the Gryffindor bench with a small thud, "he's my brother."
The two boys lead out of the great hall and we're followed by a few second year students from each of the houses.
"About the box," Kurt turned everyone's attention to the package sitting before them as he attempted to dissipate the tension caused by the small exchange, "I've been waiting for this package for almost a year."
"What is it?" Neville leaned over to see the contents as Kurt calmly tore the wrapping and uncapped the box.
"Books?" Finn didn't seem the least bit impressed.
"They're the books I bought in Japan," Kurt smiled as he started to empty the box into two piles, "Carole had them translated, duplicated and rebound; it took her a while to find somebody who could organise that for her."
"What happened to speaking, reading and writing three languages?" Finn attempted to raise a curious brow but only managed to open his eyes abnormally wide.
"These books weren't in any of those languages," Kurt couldn't help giggling at his brother's face, he pinched the boy's cheek playfully.
"Three languages?" Hermione had greater success raising a brow.
"My dad didn't speak to me in English till I was three," Kurt smiled at the thought of him doing the same with Harley, "we exclusively spoke French and German so I wouldn't lose touch with my heritage, I had a bit of an affinity for linguistics."
"Imagine what I go through at Christmas," Finn interjected with an exhausted sigh, "Kurt and Oma just keep at it in german like it isn't a thing."
"My grandmother reads and writes Ancient Runes," Neville added as he sipped his tea and read the morning newspaper, "she got an 'outstanding' in her NEWT."
"My grandmother sounds like Hagrid," Hermione giggled as she spoke but her smile fell almost immediately, "Don't look now but Ginny Weasley is staring at us again."
"I think she may just be lonely," Harry said in a low tone, "Fred and George say she's been devastated by the attacks, apparently she's a cat lover and visits Mrs Norris daily in the hospital wing."
"That's so sweet," Kurt and Hermione chorused with a tilt of their heads.
Kurt smiled at her, "Ginny, would you like to join us for breakfast."
The girl looked horrified by his kindness as she shot to her feet, looking around in an antsy fashion as though confused by what was happening, "I have to go."
Kurt watched with a slack jaw as she retreated from him and their group as if they were going to eat her, "I can't believe this, have I got bad breath because I just offered to invent that little girl and she ran from me."
"Look," Finn pointed into the box as he tried to break Kurt's concentration, "Mom found the tar hat you wanted."
Kurt peered into the box cautiously and was pleasantly surprised to see a leather cap sitting over a white envelope, "you silly boy," Kurt smiled even though he knew exactly what Finn was doing, "it's 'Tsar', like the rulers of Imperial Russia."
Finn placed the cap ever so delicately on Kurt's head with a shrug, "All I know it that Nicolas didn't wear this hat nearly as well as you do."
"You see-" Kurt smiled broadly as his lecture died in his throat, 'I love you too sweetheart.'
"This is addressed to Harry," Finn held up the white envelope.
"Why would Carole write to Harry?"
"There must be a mistake," Harry looked at the fine white stationary with wary eyes, "I don't get mail."
"Other than the time you got a broom that tried to kill you," Hermione pointed out which caused the boy to retreat his extended arm.
Kurt grabbed the envelope and flipped it over, "if undelivered return to Petunia Dursley, 4 Privit Drive, little Whinging, Surrey. Who's Petunia Dursley?"
"My Aunt Petunia," Harry's voice was low and distant, "I've lived with her since my parents died."
"You don't speak of your life outside of Hogwarts," Hermione leaned as she spoke in her maternal voice, "at least you've never mentioned her or your family to me."
Harry looked nervous, "My aunt and uncle aren't the kind of people you talk about, not really. Imagine if Crabbe and Daphne got married, that's them."
"They sound awful," Neville shuddered at the idea.
Kurt handed him the envelope, "Read it, if she's as bad as you say and took the time to write then it must be important."
They all watched as Harry shakily ripped the envelope open and held the piece of simple white stationary in his trembling hands, his fingers crumpling the edge as they held on a bit too tightly. Kurt tried to gage the boy's reactions to the letter but they changed too quickly from surprised, to mortified, to irritated, to touched and finally stopping on confused as he laid the letter on the longtable.
"So," Neville egged him on, "can't be worse than some of the letters I've gotten from my grandmother."
"I think she's on drugs," Harry didn't seem to be joking.
"My Oma's on pills and bourbon," Kurt shrugged, "it isn't always a bad thing."
"She says she forgives me for being a freak because I didn't do it on purpose," Harry looked confused, "she had me living in the cupboard under the stairs for a good part of my childhood and now she forgives me? And she expects me to come home for Christmas."
"You should consult Dr Rhodes," Kurt nodded his head as he spoke.
"Is that your solution to everything?" Harry chuckled as he spoke.
"She graduated from Oxford," Kurt stated it as though it was a universal indicator of wisdom, "and she's an adult but Oxford guys."
"I don't know," Harry shrugged.
"Well," Finn shrugged, "if you don't want to talk to a qualified professional, you could always gage her behaviour over Christmas."
"I wasn't planning on going back."
"And what were you supposing you'd do?" Kurt raised a concerned brow, "Were you going to stay at Hogwarts with whatever's been attacking people?"
"I hadn't thought of it that way," the dark haired boy scratched the back of his neck in a similar manner to which he'd seen Finn do on countless occasions.
"Obviously not," Kurt knew in that moment why Neville often mistook him for his Grandmother, his voice was firm and decisive yet still maternal, "We're all going home because as the house elf told you, Hogwarts isn't safe."
"What else's in there?" Finn leaned over the box in attempt redirect the conversation.
Kurt reached into the box, "A hair straightner."
Hermione looked at the flat iron and giggled, "that's not going to be very useful without electricity."
"Well," Kurt let out a defeated sigh, "there goes straight hair."
"Where is everybody?" Hermione pulled them out of the bubble they'd created around themselves to notice, for the first time, that the great hall was deserted.
"Potions," Neville had gone pale and was breathing shallowly, "Snape is going to eat our faces."
"Calm down, the law doesn't allow teachers to eat their students' faces," Finn was impersonating Kurt as he delivered the ludicrous statement.
"I do not sound like that," Kurt's voice entered an unnaturally high octave as he spoke his defence whilst simultaneously hauling all his stuff toward the door, "Besides, there is nothing wrong with respecting authority and the rules, some might say it's a plus."
"Not when you break the rules as often as we do," Hermione joked as she helped him carry the box of books down into the dungeon.
"Wait here while I go put this down," Kurt balanced the bow on his hip and handed Hermione his purse and scurried down the corridor, he stood before the brick wall and spoke the password, "Pureblood."
Kurt entered a scarcely populated common room, he didn't speak to anyone but walked strong across to his shared room. When he opened the door Bomballerina pounced onto his shoulders, effectively unbalancing him as she'd grown to the size of a small tiger; she looked more like a puma then a black cat these days.
"Hi baby," Kurt always loved the way she would behave like a cat but have the personality of a dog, "How are you? You want a treat? You want me to feed Scabbers to you?" Bomballerina purred affectionately as he scratched behind her ears, "Who's a good kitty? Daddy has to go to class, bye-bye sweetie."
Kurt threw her a treat and turned to leave, he made quick work of getting back to his friends and to class, "Okay let's go."
"Tardy," Professor Snape looked exceptionally menacing as he moved around his desk to stand before them with his arms crossed over his chest and his jet black hair hanging like death on either side of his gaunt face, "ten points from each of you."
"Ten points?" Ron exclaimed from across the class, "that's like… fifty points from Gryffindor."
"It was thirty but you just made it forty with that outburst," the man lazily flicked his robe out of the way as he pointed a finger at Ron, "Care to go for fifty?"
The red haired boy shook his head and Professor Snape gestured for them to take their seats, Kurt waltzed lazily to his seat in the second row, "Good morning Ronald."
"Kurt," the boy didn't meet anyone else's gaze as sulked in his seat.
"What's wrong with you?" Kurt rolled his eyes as he covered the basis of polite conversation.
"I just feel like if two of our friends are a thing the least they could do is tell us," Ron had his arms crossed over his chest as he mumbled.
"I don't see any reason why anyone would be talking when you should be copying the notes on the Wiggenweld Potion from the board," Professor Snape didn't even look up from his work but Kurt knew the man was speaking directly to their clique, "I don't see how talking fits into that equation."
"Ugh," Kurt rested his head on his intertwined fingers, "I don't have the energy to deal with this again."
"Ron," Neville spoke on his behalf, "You do recall the fact that at the time of said incident both mentioned friends were in your presence and as I hear it, far from friendly. On the other hand, Finn and I have decided to just be friends."
"I couldn't have said it better myself," Kurt was cracking his neck as he spoke when something hit the back of head, "Who threw that? Who's ready to find out if there is a maker?"
Kurt looked at the crumpled piece of paper as it twitched on his table until it managed to unwrap itself, the dishevelled parchment slowly rose off the desk and spoke in a shrill distorted voice, like radio with a broken speaker;
"This is a cordial invitation to all who may be interested to attend Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Arts Defence League, Bestselling author, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's most charming smile's Duelling Club. This will be a space where I, Gilderoy Lockhart, will share my expertise on dealing with the dark arts in light of recent events. All those interested can sign up on the attached sheet, meetings will be Wednesdays for juniors and Thursdays for seniors. Regards, Gilderoy Lockha-"
The parchment coughed halfway through the man's last name and burst into flames, Professor Snape flicked his wand lazily and the parchment reformed from the ashes in pristine condition, "Sign your names and only your names when the parchment comes around to your desks, I'm sure the duelling club would be quite useful if the Heir of Slytherin were a student."
"Wait," Ron seemed to have had an epiphany of sorts, "What about you two?"
He was pointing one finger at Kurt and the other at Harry, "I'm going to say this once, be sure to listen; we're all just as single as you are, we aren't dating in any combination."
~0~
Kurt was stuffing his notes back into his bag as he left his last lesson of the day when he was startled back to reality by his collision with a solid body, his eyes flashed up to offer an apology but the words died in his throat as he looked into Cedric's hazel eyes.
"Kurt," the boy gave him a flash of what would probably someday be Witch Weekly's most charming smile, "what are the chances of bumping into you here?"
"Considering that you've been pacing in the doorway of a second year Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom for the last five minutes," Kurt smiled in a predatory fashion but didn't let it reach his eyes, "my guess is pretty high."
Cedric tightened his lips into a flat line as he nervously shifted his weight from toe to heel, "I'm looking for Finn, it's about quidditch."
"And that's why you let him walk right by you ahead of me," Kurt raised a quizzical brow before turning to leave, "I'll be sure to mention to Finn that you weren't looking particularly hard for him."
Kurt began walking toward the Great Hall for lunch but was startled by Cedric jogging up alongside him, "Are we okay?"
"I'm just fine," Kurt smiled at the taller boy before placing the back of his hand over the boy's forehead, "You on the other hand are acting quite odd, are you well? You don't have a fever."
"I'm fine," the boy smirked at him, "I know we're both individually well but how are 'we' in a broader context?"
"Could we speak in a more specific context?"
"I just haven't seen you much since…" the taller boy's voice trailed off.
Kurt caught the implicate tone of the entire conversation from the go but knew this was as explicate as the older boy would get, "since Chodric?"
"Chodric?" the boy looked confused but Kurt knew he was smart enough to decipher it on his own, "yes, of course."
"Sweetheart," Gave the Hufflepuff a patronising smile, "I'm an adult."
"You're twelve."
"It's been three days and we haven't seen each other because you're busy with your life and I'm busy being accused of attacking Hogwarts residents," Kurt laid an assuring hand on Cedric's shoulder, "whatever tension or discourse there is between us is in your head."
"So we're okay?" the boy looked concerned which made Kurt wonder for a moment whether to ease his burdens or let him suffer.
"We're just as we've always been," Kurt giggled as the boy let out a sigh of relief.
Cedric smiled broadly and ran his fingers through his hair, "Great, that's just great! I will see you on Saturday."
"I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt pursed his lips and walked off.
"Nice hat," the boy called after him.
Kurt was startled for the third time when a small distant voice spoke beside him, "Cute boy, is he your boyfriend."
"Oh for the love of Prince Harry," Kurt clutched his chest in shock as he looked the familiar little girl over but unable to place her.
"Oh," her voice was high and musical, "I didn't mean to startle you."
"These things happen in threes for me," he waved the doe eyed girl's worries away, "I'm sorry but I can't put a name to the face."
"Luna Lovegood," looked up to him from under her heavy platinum blond bangs, "I'm the girl who told your red-haired friend to be quiet in the library."
"Oh yes, we were never introduced," he smiled and extended his hand, "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel."
"I know who you are," she smiled at him, "your reputation precedes you."
"Only good things I hope."
"Other than the whole being the Heir of Slytherin bit," she nervously bounced from side which made her pale waist length lock shimmer in the light, "you're the best in your year."
"Hermione Granger is best in our year," Kurt smiled genuinely as spoke the words.
"If you don't mind me asking," she stopped him and stared into his soul with her orbs of molten silver, Kurt knew in that moment how people felt when he looked at them, "Why Slytherin and not Ravenclaw? The top students of every year except yours are in Ravenclaw."
"I was almost in Ravenclaw," Kurt smiled, she was the first person to ask him that question but it was something he'd thought of on many occasions as that very question sometimes bothered him but over time his answer had changed as he became more comfortable with the idea of being Slytherin being about him as opposed to some other unknown factor, "I was a little short of a hatstall between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor but my ambition made me perfect Slytherin material."
"Hmm," she seemed to mull the idea over in her mind, "I don't have the same attitude as most about Slytherin house but I guess I'd never fully considered that the other facets of your character contributed to your placement, Quibbler?"
Kurt looked at the literature he was handed by the small girl, it was a glossy magazine with Professor Dumbledore on the cover under the caption; 'How safe are our children at Hogwarts?'
"There's some about you, Hermione and Harry stopping Professor Quirrel last year," she beamed up at him, "my dad's the editor so he published my piece."
Kurt held up a finger as he riffled though his handbag for the final envelope, "I have something for your father." He handed her his final 'golden ticket' and tapped it with his wand, "Now, would you care to join me for lunch?"
"I'd love to," she smiled broadly, "I hope your brother's there, he's cute."
Kurt was surprised by her statement for a moment but as he thought about it harder he realised that the words were true, he never saw Finn as anything but the little boy who'd because he shiny, "I guess he is."
"Hi Hermione, Neville, this is Luna Lovegood, I invited her to join us for lunch," Kurt looked over his pair of friends as he spoke, "Scoot over, so we can sit," he said as he slipped in between Neville and Hermione but he noticed that they both deflated just a little. Kurt eyed his two closest friends suspiciously, "Actually, Luna and I are going to sit on the other side of the table."
Kurt climbed over the table and Luna followed suit, "It's nice to meet you both."
"It's nice to meet you too Luna," Hermione slid back into the space beside Neville as she spoke, "I remember you from Saturday in the library, you mentioned the enslavement off house elves and I was wondering if you could tell me more about it."
"Oh sure," Luna smiled, "I even have a couple of articles from the quibbler in my room I could show you."
"The quibbler?" Hermione looked as confused as Kurt had felt when he'd first laid eyes on the magazine.
"It's a crazy wizarding magazine," Neville went straight into an explanation as if attempting to impress with his new knowledge retention, "the editor used to be a high-ranking ministry official until he lost his marbles and started that magazine, his name is Xenophilius Lovegood… but those are just my grandmother's beliefs, she isn't very tolerant of anything really, I'm yet to form my own opinions as I've never read the Quibbler."
Luna simply laughed as Neville turn bright red, "You're funny."
"The three of us are quite curious as to the intricacies of the enslavement of house elves maybe we could schedule a meeting and you could tell us more about it," Kurt smiled at her.
"What are you being told about?" Finn forced himself between Kurt and Luna.
"We're scheduling an intellectually stimulating conversation about the enslavement of house elves," Neville replied with a curt smile.
"I think Cedric's calling my name," Finn cupped his hand behind his ear as though he was struggling to hear something, he started walking off but stopped a few paces away turned one-eighty, "I forgot my manners; hi, I'm Finn and it's nice to meet you."
He extended his hand toward Luna, Kurt watched as her cheeks turned rosy in reply as she shook his hand with a whispered, "Luna Lovegood."
~0~
Kurt took a deep breath, show time.
"Good Afternoon First, second and third years." Professor Lockhart swished his lavender robes in a fashion that even a matador would envy, he pulled at the drawstring and threw it into the crowd in one swift movement; a gaggle of giggling Gryffindor girls caught the cloak, "Professor Dumbledore has given me permission to start this little club so as to equip you with the necessary skills to defend yourselves against this supposed Heir of Slytherin." Kurt heard swoons and whistles from the crowd, "Kurt Hummel, Junior World Champion duellist, has volunteered to be my assistant."
"I'm doing this as community service," Kurt whispered to the man who paid him no mind.
"Yes," he threw a gold clad arm over Kurt's shoulder and smiled, "I'm glad to have you here as well. I want to begin with a demonstration of what a duel should look like."
"Finn and I can do the demonstration," Kurt waved his brother over.
"Rematch?" Finn's brows danced invitingly as he spoke.
Kurt adjusted an imaginary stray hair, "rematch."
"I want you all to note the proper etiquette when duelling," Lockhart stood off to the side as the boys took their positions.
Kurt raised his perfectly cylindrical bone white wand with a touch too much flare, he bowed to his brother and took his standard starting position with the grace of the ballerina he'd once been:
Kurt was first to cast a spell, "Incendio."
"Aguamenti," Finn spoke the words quickly as though anticipating Kurt's actions.
The stream of flames met the spout of water in mid-air and resulted in the first stalemate of their duel.
"Verdimillious," Finn pointed to Kurt's chest.
"Protego," Kurt blocked the spell quickly and almost too easily.
"Stupify," they spoke the same spell at the same time, effectively knocking each other off their feet; the second stalemate.
Both boys scrambled back to their feet and spoke their next spell at the same time, "Expilliarmus."
Both their wands went flying from their hands and into the crowd; the third stalemate. Finn taunted him with a shrug, "I guess this is where it ends."
"Maybe for you," Kurt smirked as he extended his right palm toward his brother, "Incendio."
As the flames shot from Kurt's extended arm toward his brother, Finn thought on his feet, "Accio wand." As soon as the wand was within his grasp he spoke his next command, "Protago."
The flames were deflected but Kurt kept firing them as he summoned his wand with his free hand, as the cold white wood touched his hands he desisted with the flames, with a single slash of his wand and a flash of purple light he'd spoken what would be his final spell, "Aculeus." Finn twitched in place before falling to his knees as Kurt's curse did its work, "Finite incantatem."
"Do you always have to win?" Finn asked him with a goofy smile as Kurt helped him to his feet.
"I prefer it to the alternate," Kurt smiled as he adjusted his hat, "Maybe next time I'll let you win."
"You wish," Finn extended his hand as though to ruffle Kurt's hair but his actions were intercepted by a sharp look from the shorter boy, "I let you win."
"Take your bows and enjoy your fifteen minutes of fame," Lockhart spoke to them through a false smile as he laid a congratulatory hand on each of their shoulders before turning to the crowd, "Wasn't that quite the display, let's give our volunteers a round of applause. Kurt worked exactly as instructed, showing you the key weapons in the arsenal of every duellist; the blocking spell, the stunning spell and the disarming charm." Kurt watched silently as Professor Lockhart claimed glory for his work and was amazed at how well he did it, "I've further asked Kurt to explain how each of these spells work so that you all have the confidence, knowing that you don't have to be a world famous wizard like myself to pull them off."
"Right, because I'm the one who might struggle with mastering these remedial spells," Kurt had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes at the man's arrogance, "Wouldn't you like to explain some of the etiquettes and formalities involved in duelling."
"Very well," the man twirled his hand elegantly, like a dancer, before adjusting a golden curl, "if you insist. Before beginning a duel you stand across from your partner and hold out your wand like so," He held his wand in front of his face from across the platform and bowed, "you follow this up with a bow and you begin duelling on the mark."
For a moment Kurt was perplexed, where had this man who had effortlessly explained the formalities of duelling come from because Kurt had never seen him in a Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Kurt quickly regained his composure when realising that he'd missed his queue, "Okay, let me dive right into the deep end; the stunning spell is all about power and concentration because it can easily go sideways if performed incorrectly. You concentrate on stunning your opponent, be precise with your wand movement, a vertical flick of the wrist from top to bottom, and deliver the incantation; remember what Professor Flitwick always says, annunciate."
Kurt demonstrated the spell on a dummy that had been organised, "You apply the same principal to the disarming charm," Kurt demonstrated with as little flair as he could muster, "a simple rotational flick of the wrist is all you need. Your final must have is a shielding charm, this is very difficult so it wouldn't be surprising if you struggled with it." Kurt performed the spell for all of them to see, "this wrist movement is a vertical flick from bottom to top, concentration is key."
"Thank you for that Kurt, isn't he just great?" the crowd elected for silence rather than disappoint Professor Lockhart, "Now let's have a pair of volunteers, Harry my boy. Do we have a challenger?" people mostly shuffled nervously as Harry made his way onto the platform, "Come on ladies, let's not be damsels in distress."
"I'll take a whack at it," Draco Malfoy climbed elegantly onto the platform.
"We got Chal-len-ger!" Professor Lockhart gestured for the crowd to cheer and they didn't disappoint. Lockhart brought both boys to the centre and began to loudly explain the rules to the pair, "Alright, remember to keep it clean, the aim is to disarm not harm."
Harry and Draco moved to stand on opposite ends of the platform, they presented their wands and bowed to each other; Lockhart counted them down and the duel began.
Harry began to speak his first spell, "Exp-"
"Stupify," Draco cut him off with more agile casting, smething he'd clearly been working on since his defeat at the hands of Hermione, Harry was knocked off his feet and across the room.
Harry quickly got back on his feet and countered with the quick reflexes that had erned him his spot on the Gryffindor quidditch team, "Avis, Opogno."
A small flock of multi-coloured hummingbirds shot from the tip of Kurt's wand and flew straight at Draco, proceeding to peck at his head. Draco looked to be angry as the masses laughed at him, he swatted the birds from existence, "petrificus totalus."
"Protago," Harry moved quickly and once more it was to his benefit.
"Serpensortia," Draco spoke the words angrily and a large black snake appeared a couple of feet from Harry, the whole room was spooked and with good reason as the snake was quite large.
Professor Lockhart stepped forward, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." He pointed his wand at it, "Alerte Ascendare."
The snake was thrown ten feet in the air but came straight down looking angrier than before, it lurched toward Lockhart and he jumped back with a small scream. The snake turned its attention toward the students in the front row, more specifically Justin Finn-Fletchley.
"No," Harry whispered to the snake, "Don't, stop, calm down nobody here means you any harm."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "Well, if you whisper it won't here you."
"Stop, don't attack, everyone here's cool," Harry continued whispering, "Calm down, let's talk this out."
The snake moved slowly toward the scared second year Hufflepuff, "You clearly suck at persuasion." Kurt directed his first statement to Harry before turning and pointing his wand at the snake, "Ouroboros."
The snake looked almost afraid for a moment before bowing its head, the snake lurched for its tail and slowly started biting at it, they all watched as the snake ate itself out of existence.
"What are you two playing at?" Justin shouted at them with sweat beaded across his forehead.
"Hey," Kurt frowned and crossed his arms, "we just did you a favour, how's about a thank you?"
"How is setting a snake on me a favour?" Kurt was confused by the question but chose to say no more as Lockhart dismissed the large group to their afternoon activities with the request that they practice before their next meeting.
"Kurt, Harry," Ron called out as he pushed through the masses over toward them.
"Ron," Harry smiled at the familiar face, "Let's go outside, maybe go see Hagrid."
"Or we could play some chess," Hermione nervously suggested having seemingly materialized from nowhere with a save.
"Or go to the library," Kurt added as he and Hermione exchanged knowing looks.
It was Ron who interjected, "Or you two could tell us why you've been keeping the fact that you're parselmouths from us."
"Is that why we sounded like we were whispering," Kurt face palmed, "I'm so great at everything that I'm actually not surprised that I've been gifted such a rare skill."
"What is everybody on about?" Harry looked so confused as Hermione and Kurt steered their quartet to the library, away from Hagrid's hut.
"Snake language," Ron said as though it were the most obvious thing ever.
"Maybe I am a linguistic prodigy," Kurt carried on talking to himself, "I should go to Oxford and have myself tested."
"Kurt this isn't about you or your obsession with Oxford," Hermione raised a silencing hand, "This is about the fact that everyone is going to think that you're descendants of Salazar Slytherin."
"He's one of the most parselmouths in history," Kurt suddenly snapped out of his cloud of ego and realised the reality, "that's why Slytherin's crest has twin serpents on it."
"And he lived long enough ago for it to be a possibility," Hermione pointed out.
"More so for me," Kurt started feeling dizzy as he took shallow breaths, "this not knowing who my parents are thing makes anything a possibility."
"But you're not doing this," Ron laid a comforting hand on his shoulder but it didn't ease his worries, "we've been with you before every attack, if you are the heir then maybe the chamber is autonomous."
"He used the word correctly," Kurt smiled as he was sweating and clutching at his chest.
"Kurt are you having a panic attack?" Hermione checked his pulse and looked very concerned.
"I'll go get help," Harry ran off.
"I think I'm having an angina attack!"
"You don't have an angina," Ron pointed out falsely.
"You're so stupid!" Kurt growled between gritted teeth as the darkness consumed him and the final thing he heard was a distantly whispered 'kill'.
~0~
Kurt had been kept in the hospital wing away from stress for the remainder of the week and the weekend, Madam Pomfrey had finally been forced to release him on Monday so he could take the Hogwarts express home for Christmas. Kurt had learned that whilst he was having a panic attack Justin Finn-Fletchley and Nearly-Headless Nick had been petrified, most believed that he'd faked the attack and was simply covering his own behind as he'd been seen publicly quarrelling with both victims. Finn had packed his stuff and was waiting for him on the platform, glowing after their teams great triumph over the Ravenclaw side.
"I missed you so much," the boy squeezed him tightly, lifting him off the platform of the Hogsmead station.
Kurt chuckled, "You came to visit me every day."
"It wasn't the same," He led Kurt onto the scarlet steamliner and into a crowded compartment filled with his closest friends.
Kurt smiled brightly at them, "thanks to all of you for keeping me in the loop even though you were told not to, I promise I will make it up to all of you?"
"We aren't any closer to finding the heir, clearing our names or stopping the attacks but glad to see you're okay," Harry seemed almost patronising in his tone.
"We'll take care of it after Christmas," Kurt smiled weakly, "Right now we have to spend time with our families, even the parts of it we hate."
"Who do you hate?" Finn raised a brow much too similarly to him.
"Your cousin Larry," Kurt shuddered as he said the boy's name, "He's such a snob."
"You're a snob," Hermione pointed out with a smile.
"Yes, but I'm pretty," Kurt chuckled as he tried to copy Pansy Parkinson's shrilly vapid voice, "with a face like mine I could get away with anything."
The whole compartment guffawed at his bad impersonation.
"Kurt sure is beautiful," Neville did a strangely accurate Goyle.
"Guys that isn't funny," Kurt spoke the words but couldn't stop himself from laughing let alone his friends.
Aculeus is my incantation for Antonin Dolohov's curse, according to the linguistic god Google Translate it should be latin for 'sting'.
Ouroboros is a greek symbol of a snake eating itself tail first.
Hope you liked it, your feedback is always welcome.