A/n: SPEW is becoming a thing and I am taking it very seriously, while it might not always be at the forefront of the goings on, I think it's important to my story line.
I know I'm a rubbish who updates infrequently but I have to pretend to study every now and again. I can however promise you that I have big things planned, so more is always on the way.
Kurt eyed himself in the mirror, "should I wear a tie or will that be too much?" Kurt tilted his head, he wasn't impressed by what he saw when he looked at himself with the tie on, "that's not right, is it?"
"Who are you talking to?" Vincent Crabbe eyed him suspiciously.
"Not you," Kurt rolled his eyes but suddenly thought better of his actions, "but seeing as you asked, should I wear the tie?"
"I really don't care," Vincent grabbed his every flavoured beans and left.
"Don't know why he asked if he didn't want to help," Kurt eyed his reflection waiting for a response, "I suppose I could always go naked, it would be the first time I was accused of being underdressed but certainly not the first time all eyes were on me as a result of my wardrobe choices." Then Kurt was struck by sudden genius, "I could just go topless."
Kurt stripped off his shirt and put his slim fit blazer back on with the tie hanging loosely around his neck, drawing attention to his collar bone; Kurt looked at himself, a flash of alabaster skin in place of a white button up- he was oozing sex appeal. Kurt ran his fingers carefully through his hair to create the image of effortlessness, he bit his lip and looked at himself; genius.
"What do you think Bella?" Kurt asked the midnight black kneazle, he received a reply that was part meow and part growl "that's what I thought." Kurt smiled to himself and slipped his wand into the concealed pocket in the blazer lining, exiting his shared dorm room.
Kurt walked through the crowded common room, there were cat calls, "Where are you off to?" Pansy Parkinson asked with a suggestive smirk on her face, "Are you all dolled up to spend the evening in the library with Granger?"
"I'm actually on my way to a party celebrating Harry surviving the first task," Kurt smiled at his audience as he leaned over the back rest of one of the black leather couches. Kurt leaned forward to emphasise how unbothered he was by their glaring and staring, "Then one celebrating Cedric. Would you like to come?"
Pansy eyed him suspiciously, "I'll pass."
"Next time," Kurt smiled, he hadn't expected her to say yes but Kurt was trying something new.
Kurt had come to the stark realisation that he wasn't very different from his fellow Slytherins; he came from a similar genetic background as many of them but the only difference was that he hadn't been raised by his bigot parents. This understanding had come to Kurt a little after the revelation that his biological parents were death eaters, and with some help from Ron's ignorance, he had come to understand that his life would be drastically different if the people whom he loved and depended on most had taught him prejudice and instead of acceptance, or if they'd taught him that he was better than people by virtue of birth as opposed to through sheer force and hard work.
It was after this realisation had been made that Kurt had decided that his classmates were no better than children who used curse words without knowing what they meant, they were emulating poor role models and the onus fell on him; he could chastise them for not knowing better or he could help them see the error of their ways. Kurt's father once told him that he would catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, at the time a young Kurt hadn't understood why his father wanted to catch flies but now Kurt understood. His bitchy demeanour and snide comments didn't have any function other than his own amusement, as such were not beneficial to anyone. He would have to court the Slytherins before he could get them to listen to his attempts to steer them in the right direction.
"Good evening," Kurt stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady, he smiled at her, "I'm here for the party."
"That won't do," she shook her head, "you need the password love."
"Yes, I know," Kurt rolled his eyes, "I'm three minutes early and Hermione isn't here yet, she's letting me in."
"I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait here," She shrugged, "Professor McGonagall would have me deposed if I let you in without the password, they'd probably bring that Cadagan fool back."
Kurt stood in silence for a moment before he quirked a curious brow, "Could I ask you a question?"
"I suppose so," she rolled her eyes, "but if you think I'll make the mistake of telling you the password then you are mistaken, that was a one-time thing."
"Who are you and what era were you painted in?" Kurt furrowed his brow, "you're dressed like you're from ancient Greece but the technique is definitely renascence, you have strongly eastern European facial features but you have your hair in French pompadour style, what gives?"
"Oh," the fat lady was surprised, Kurt suspected that people probably didn't speak to her as anything more than as a means to an end, "I'm Helga of Kiev and the technique is High Middle Ages."
"Twelfth Century Renaissance." Kurt nodded, then he smirked "Wasn't it Olga of Kiev?"
"That was my mother," she chuckled, "she thought it would be cute to name me after herself, I'm not impressed."
"If my mother had named me Christine then I wouldn't be a happy camper either," Kurt chuckled, pushing out of his mind the possibility that he might have been named Bellatrix.
"I invented jet setting and I lived a many and plentiful life," Helga explained, "I lived all over the continent; I married a sheik, a king, an emperor and even a peasant."
"That sounds pretty epic," Kurt nodded, he was impressed.
"But why are you hanging here?" Hermione startled Kurt, having seemingly appeared from nowhere beside him.
"You startled me half to death," Kurt swatted her arm playfully.
Hermione giggled, "Sorry, I forget that you're always ready to jump out of your skin."
"I suppose you'll be wanting to go in now," Helga snapped.
"No," Hermione shook her head, "Do carry on, we're very interested."
"I was Godric's best friend," she smirked, "we spent our lives travelling together, living the adventure together."
Hermione elbowed him playfully, "they were like the medieval Kurt and Hermione."
"I'm not making you the door to the dormitory of the house named in my honour at the school I establish," Kurt smirked at Hermione, "if that kind of thing ever happened."
"I only plan on marrying once, if it doesn't work out I will give up," Hermione chuckled, she went silent and eyed Kurt for a moment, "you look sexy."
"Thank you," Kurt smiled, "shall we?"
"Absolutely," she grinned, "Variatus."
"Where have you been?" Kurt raised a brow.
"I was in the library," Hermione blushed.
Kurt made a mental note to investigate that blush. The party in the Gryffindor common room was mild at best, there was light music coming from the wireless but other than that there was nothing to indicate that this was a social gather, "this party is dead."
"You missed the cheering," Angelina Johnson chortled from an armchair by the fire, "it's been downhill since then."
"Where are Harry and Neville?" Kurt was very disappointed, his outfit was wasted here.
"Neville left," Ginny smiled as she came down the stares from the girls' dormitory, "Harry's upstairs."
"Everyone left," Angelina corrected, "they heard the Hufflepuffs had free beer."
"Thank you Ginny," Kurt smiled at her, "you should go get changed, we're going to a real party; one that requires some semblance of having tried. Please don't ask me what's wrong with what you're wearing."
"Angelina," the question evident in Hermione's voice, "why haven't you left?"
"I'm trying to gather the strength to get up," Angelina chuckled, "I think I'm tired but once I stand up from here I'll be ready."
The pair giggled as Kurt followed Hermione up the stairs to the fourth year boys' dormitory, they entered to find Ron and Harry giggling, "Oh great, you're here."
"Harry and I are cool again," Ron smiled broadly, "also this is my room."
"That's lovely for you and Harry," Kurt pursed his lips.
Ron furrowed his brow, Hermione stepped forward, "what Kurt means is that it's about damn time you came to your senses."
"That's not really what I meant," Kurt smiled, "but if it was, I would have called him an idiot."
Harry cleared his throat, "you guys enjoying the party."
"About as much as I'm enjoying this conversation," Kurt yawned for dramatic effect, "I think we should move on, Finn has liquor."
"I'm going to change into my gym dress and meet you downstairs," Hermione chuckled.
"Are you going dressed like that?" Ron's eyes were wide open.
"Don't beg the question," Kurt turned to him and scowled, "I dislike you enough without you doing things that irritate me."
"What?"
"Which part was difficult for you to understand?" Kurt quirked an expectant brow.
"I want to say the 'beg the question part' but I'm confused by the rest of it as well so to be safe I'm going to say all of it," Ron smiled.
"To beg the question is to ask a question when you have an answer in mind," Kurt rolled his eyes, "you ask the question in such a way that only one answer is appropriate. You expected me to say, 'dressed like what?' and feel so insecure about my outfit that I'd go and change."
Ron took a step back and leaned in to whisper to harry, "He's reading my mind."
"Probably not," Harry shook his head, "it's more likely to be psychology than voodoo."
"Voodoo is ritual magic," Kurt rolled his eyes, "it has no day to day applications."
"I'm a little afraid," Harry chuckled as Kurt bounced on his bed.
"Probably with good reason," Ron scoffed.
"Which brings us to the second part," Kurt snapped, "The fact that you and Harry have reconciled doesn't mean that you and I are in the green again." Kurt crossed his arms angrily, "you treat me terribly and I accept it because we have this complex relationship where we don't actually like each other but we're very good friends. I'm okay with whatever the hell we have but I can't trust somebody who treats their best friend that way."
"Did you learn that in Dark Arts?" Ron sneered.
"You might be out of the loop but I'm sure you've heard that I know a spell that can break every bone in your body," Kurt glared at Ron.
An awkward silence filled the room, Harry let out a small cough, "I'm ready to go."
Kurt twirled in front of the dark haired boy, "what do you think?"
"I think Cedric is the luckiest man I know," Harry wagged a suggestive brow.
"Thanks but this isn't for him," Kurt smiled, "this is about attention."
"Isn't everything?" Harry chuckled, "Hermione's probably waiting for us downstairs."
"Off we go," Kurt sashayed toward the door, "you too."
"You too," Ron mumbled an imitation of him.
Kurt was greeted by the image of Hermione in a navy dress and a cropped leather jacket, "Hi Miss, I hope you don't mind me asking but do those legs go all the way up?"
Hermione turned to him and smiled, "as a matter of fact they do kind sir."
"My legs go up the normal amount," Ginny quipped.
"We accept you with all your short comings," Kurt smiled at her, he wasn't sure if she'd changed or not but it was time to go. They filed out of the portrait hole, "Goodbye Helga."
"Who's Helga?" Ron sniped.
"She the woman in the portrait," Furrowed his brow.
"She has a name," Harry's eyes shot wide open, "I always just called her the fat lady."
"Imagine how she feels about that," Hermione crossed her arms.
"She's a painting, I don't think she feels much," Ron chortled.
"Asking for you to think would have been asking too much," Ginny jeered.
"Imagine if we called Harry 'Scarhead' or 'Knobby-knees'," Hermione explained, "he wouldn't like it much would he?"
Harry clutched his scar defensively, "You think my knees are knobby?"
"Don't make this about you," Kurt shook his head as they climbed down flight after flight of stairs to the basement, "it's about to become about me." There was a round of laughter, the corridor in the basement was filled with peripheral guest of the party they were heading to and the loud dance music was vibrating off the walls already, "Don't you think it's funny that this considered the basement but it's on the same level as the Slytherin common room which is considered dungeon."
"Maybe they're trying to tell you something," Harry teased.
"Like what?" Kurt smiled villainously, "what is it that they're hinting at?"
"That you're probably going to fall to the dark arts and become the newest malevolent ruler of the dark side," Hermione elbowed him in the ribs playfully.
"Oh honey no," Kurt shook his head, "I shall never fall to the dark arts as they tend to seduce naïve wizards; firstly because I am not naïve but also because I don't get seduced, I do the seducing."
"Fifty points to Slytherin," Hermione cheered as they came to the rows of barrels that marked the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room.
"I think they deserve the house cup," Ginny giggled.
"I second the motion," Harry chuckled.
"Oh my gosh," Kurt wiped away fake tears, "I'd like to thank the academy and I'd also like to thank Meryl Streep for being born a woman, were it not for that this award would be yours girl."
"Kurt," Anthony smiled at them, "you brought Hermione."
Hermione grinned as she leaned against the stacked barrels, "Are you going to let us in?"
"The party has been waiting for you," Anthony smirked at the pair and knocked on a barrel, the barrels moved out of the way to reveal an archway leading into the darkened basement.
"Good one devil," Kurt winked at the large senior.
The Hufflepuff common room had only sufficient lighting for one to see an arms-length ahead of their own nose, Finn had found some way to create a strobe effect with the little lighting they had. Kurt, by gut instinct alone, had found his way to the drinks table and it was there that Finn found them; he kissed each of them, with tongue.
"That always just sneaks up on you," Harry shuddered.
"I think I just had my first kiss," Ron sounded traumatized.
"Ew, we had our first kiss with the same person," Ginny chuckled.
"It's a rite of passage of sorts in this circle," Finn chuckled as he dragged Kurt, and by extension the rest of the group, across the dance floor. Finn brought them to a tall boy table accommodating Santana, Dani, Neville and Luna; Finn took their cups, "I wouldn't drink that, it's mostly horsepee."
"And what should we drink?" Hermione pursed her lips.
"Are we going to ignore the fact that the Hufflepuffs are serving their guests horsepee?" Ginny protested.
"Don't question it," Harry grinned.
"From Oma with love," Finn held up a bottle of Moët & Chandon.
"Did she send any pills?" Harry teased.
"How dare you!" Kurt snapped angrily, "my grandmother is a classy lady, pills were made to be drank with bourbon not champagne."
"Did you also get tongue kissed?" he heard Ginny asking Luna, the music wasn't as loud in this part of the basement.
"We got here before he got kissy drunk," Luna chuckled as she swayed gently with the music.
"I didn't let it stop me," Neville shrugged.
"It didn't stop any of us," Santana shuddered.
Hermione offered him a glass of bubbly but he turned her down, Kurt leaned in close to Finn, "Where is Cedric?"
"Are you topless?"
"Yes."
Finn chuckled, "You did it for attention, didn't you?"
"You know me so well," Kurt mused.
"I just know that you didn't do it for my friend," Finn shook his head, "when are you going to put him out of his misery?"
"The good things in life are worth waiting for," Kurt purred.
Finn shook his head, "you don't get to tease me like that."
Finn pointed Cedric out, he was a couple of tables over. Kurt bid his friends farewell and danced toward his boyfriend, "Good evening Beautiful."
Cedric beamed at him, "you look exquisite."
"Don't I always?" Kurt wagged a seductive brow, "let's dance."
"I'm not much of a dancer," Cedric blushed, "you'll have to hold me tightly tiny dancer."
"Did you just quote Elton John?" Kurt smiled broadly, "you're heading straight for a smack bottom."
Kurt and Cedric danced close to each other as a club mix throbbed in the background, Kurt only recognised the song as one of Finn's uncouth rap songs by the chanting of 'party and bullshit'. Kurt wasn't shy to lead the dancing, with Cedric mostly following stiffly as he tried to keep up with Kurt's more nimble and graceful movement.
Cedric leaned in to whisper in his ear, "aren't you going to tell me you told me so?"
"I don't need to tell you what you already know," Kurt smiled, "Next time you'll take my advice more seriously."
"Next time I'll hang on your every word," Cedric crooned in his ear.
"Oh, Mr Diggory," Kurt grinned bashfully, "You flatter me."
"And you tempt me," Cedric whispered.
Kurt quirked a curious brow, "And what do I tempt you to do?"
"Oh," Cedric chuckled as they danced close to each other, "cure my ailment."
"Does that make me your medicine," Kurt leaned up and kissed him, "or your doctor?"
"It makes you my drug," Cedric's voice was low, the music and their surroundings had faded away, "The one thing I cannot get enough of."
Kurt smiled broadly, pulled Cedric in for a deep and head spinning kiss. Kurt grabbed the taller boy by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him across the dance floor, parting the sea of people as they went.
"Leaving already?" Malcolm Fleece teased, having replaced Anthony at the door. Kurt kissed Cedric deeply in the now deserted corridor, the prefect working the door had clearly done away with loitering.
"Let's go somewhere more conducive to conversation," Kurt whispered in his boyfriend's ear, "follow me."
Kurt took off in a light jog, pulling Cedric along behind him as he navigated the corridors; the pair came to a stop in front of an old oak door, Kurt pulled Cedric into a kiss up against the door. Kurt gestured for his companion to be quiet as he unlocked the door and they slipped into the classroom.
"What is this place?" Cedric looked around.
Kurt giggled, "It's a dark arts classroom, you wouldn't know that being a NEWT student."
"Why do you have a key?"
"Professor McGonagall gave it to me," Kurt looked around the classroom, "this used to be mine, I used to have a baby grand in the corner; perks of having a master of transfiguration in your pocket."
"You seem to attract those who are well-versed in transfiguration as if by second instinct," Cedric smirked, kissing the nape of Kurt's neck.
Kurt giggled, "Could I have a moment of your time?"
"You could have all my time," Cedric teased.
"Listen to me for a moment," Kurt pulled back from their embrace, "I need to say something important to you."
Cedric took a step back and leaned against the desk, "you didn't bring me up here to break up with me, did you?"
"No, don't be absurd. I'm cruel but I'm not cruel enough make out with you and tease you just before I kick you to the curb," Kurt chuckled to himself, "I love you but when you were facing that dragon I realised something about myself, there will never be an us." Kurt grabbed his love by the arms, "I will never be able to assimilate myself into some family unit or become that person in a couple that always refers to themselves as plural; I am a strong person, I have strong beliefs and my passion burns hotter than a thousand suns. I must always be me, I must always be true to what I want and I must always be true to where my ambition shall lead me."
"I know these things about you," Cedric nodded, "I think the only person who might know more about you than me is Hermione, and I don't even want to go into that."
"I'm selfish Cedric," Kurt's voice was soft and pleading, "This is the moment when you can take a step back from the Kurt monster and see if you want to walk away because if you aren't ready to be with somebody as self-involved as I am, you will come out of this as a shadow of who you once were."
"I would rather be a shadow in the darkest pit of life than miss out on this journey," Cedric pulled Kurt into a kiss.
"I thought you'd say that," Kurt smirk as he pressed himself against the taller boy.
Cedric smiled, nuzzling Kurt's neck, "What now?"
"Well," Kurt ran his fingers through his boyfriend's full head of hair and fiddled with Cedric's belt buckle, "we move forward."
~0~
"You disappeared early last night," Hermione sat up straight as a pin in Professor McGonagall's classroom as they waited for people to arrive to their SPEW meeting, "You missed out on a lot of champagne."
"I can tell," Kurt smiled at his friend, "do you want an aspirin?"
"Are you allowed to dispense medication?" Hermione quirked a brow.
"It's over the counter and I was almost a doctor," Kurt shook his head, "it's totally legal."
"I didn't mean by law, I meant according to school rules," Hermione peered at him curiously, "but how were you almost a doctor."
"I once considered applying to medical school when I finish school," Kurt shrugged the matter off, "it was a foolish and childish conquest, I can't stand the sight of blood."
"That doesn't make you almost a doctor," Hermione shook her head and looked to regret it immediately, "that barely makes you almost a med student."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "bitch, do you want this aspirin or not?"
"Fine," Hermione took the small pill from him, "but you have to tell me where you and Cedric disappeared off to."
"We went to the Dark Arts classroom that used to be mine," Kurt smiled coyly, it was a put on, "we had an intimate moment, a conversation of sorts; some might say we practiced the dark arts."
"Oh my gosh," Hermione squealed excitedly, she clutched her head but regretted nothing, "You didn't."
"I did!" Kurt wagged a suggestive brow.
"And?" Hermione leaned forward expectantly, "how was it?"
Kurt grinned, "thanks to a little well placed advice, it was an exonerating experience."
"My mother said it would open the door greatest debauchery of my university years," Hermione twiddled her thumbs nervously, "I think she was subtly trying to tell me something."
"That you should go to college?" Kurt rolled his eyes condescendingly.
Hermione nudged him in the ribs, "that I should wait till I'm in university."
"I'm almost certain she just meant that sexual experimentation would broaden your world," Kurt pursed his lips guiltily, "and it's not like I went all the way, I just went pretty far."
"Oh no, I'm not judging you," Hermione protested, "if anything I am living vicariously through you." Hermione shrugged, hiding a blush, "besides, even if I wanted to do something like that, I don't have any immediate prospects."
Kurt eyed her suspiciously, "every time you blush I feel like the rest of the Slytherins feel when I'm being nice to them."
Hermione mumbled something undecipherable under her breath, "oh look, people."
"Saved by the bell," Kurt purred.
The attendants of the inaugural meeting of the Society for the Protection of Elvish Welfare were a mix of known muggleborn students, overachievers, Weasleys, their circle of friends and where ever the aforementioned overlapped. Professor McGonagall got up from her desk on the opposite end of the classroom, waved her wand and vanished the superfluous furniture so that all that remained was a circle of chairs with the double desk that Hermione and Kurt were sitting at.
"Take your seats with haste," Professor McGonagall spoke in an authoritative tone that was standard for the accomplished deputy headmistress, "When a meeting is called for eight, it is not wise to arrive at eight. Ms Granger will begin the meeting soon."
Kurt scanned the crowd and a few faces outside their regular circle stood out to him at first glance; the likes of Dean Thomas, Colin and Denis Creevey, a fifth year Hufflepuff named Kevin Entwhistle, Angelina Johnson, Cho Chang, Marietta Edgecomb, a seventh year Ravenclaw girl named Rebecca, the entirety of Kurt's Muggle Studies class and Professor Burbage. Kurt assumed that a vast majority of their audience was either here on the insistence of Professor Burbage, Hermione Granger or himself but that would be sufficient to get the dialog on the issue going.
Hermione cleared her throat, "Good morning and thank you for joining us this morning. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Hermione Jean Granger and I'd like to welcome you to the first meeting for the Society for the Protection of Elvish Welfare." Professor Burbage led their guests in an encouraging but not overly enthusiastic round of applause, "Our mission as SPEW is to see the abolition of elf enslavement, we further aim to see them elevated from the currently widely acceptable position of maltreatment."
"But they like the work they do," Ron interrupted, "the house elves, I mean."
"Do not interrupt Mr Weasley," Professor McGonagall chided him over the echoed agreements.
"No, it's fine," Hermione assured the deputy headmistress before turning to Ron, "whether or not they 'enjoy' the work is inconsequential to their enslavement and the way in which they are treated, and considered lesser by wizardkind." Hermione took a deep breath and Kurt could tell that the anger she was feeling was only motivating her to further apply herself to the cause, "we're not here to take work away from house elves, we are here to give them a choice as to what work they do, how they do it, how they are compensated for their work, that they are treated fairly and that their families are no longer ripped apart for profit or so that they might work more efficiently."
Kurt tapped her shoulder and she took her seat, "I'm Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and it will be my honour this morning to inform you of the course of action we have outlined for how we wish to go about with fighting the enslavement of elfkind. Our movement is divided into three main arms; Bureaucracy, House Elf Dignity and Guerrilla tactics." Kurt paused to let what he was saying sink in, "Bureaucracy will comprise of a letter writing campaign, petitions, and motions advocating for proper structures to protect house elves and grant them rights. House Elf dignity will begin with the spreading of clothing with this enchanted label on it," Kurt held up the small strip of fabric, "it reads 'this item of clothing will not set the house elf who wears it free but rather will act as an alternative to their current garb', we will also teach house elves how to read and write so that they might have pride in themselves and strive toward better treatment."
"Guerrilla tactics will consist of occupations of the ministry by various members of the group as well as protests at the ministry and sending howlers to the minister," Kurt smiled at the group as they drank in what was being said, "we will now open the meeting to the floor, allow you to ask questions and share your opinions. At the end of the meeting there will be a sign up sheet where you can put your name down to join the group if you are ready to dedicate yourself to the cause."
"Bravo," Professor Burbage got to her feet and wondered into the centre of the circle, "might I commend these two students for the initiative they are taking by taking up the plight of the oppressed. Again I say bravo, and the manner with which you have planned your resistance reminiscent of many a great struggle leader." She clapped her hands excitedly but Kurt thought there, "I'm sure the likes of Martin Luther King jnr, Nelson Mandela, Ghandi and Harvey Milk would have been proud to have you on their side."
Kurt and Hermione exchanged an uncomfortable look, that was high praise considering they hadn't done anything but plan a course of action.
Finn raised his hand, "does every member work on all the sectors or would the work be divided?"
"There will be a combination of fixed members and floating members," Hermione explained, "depending on where man power is most needed."
"I think the bit about house elf dignity will be a very important part of this movement," Padma Petil smiled broadly from her seat beside Finn, "it will ensure that they don't resist the movement and that they realise that being freed of enslavement, not being punished or expatriated from society."
"You are so right, Ms Petil," Professor Burbage got to her feet and applauded, there was something odd about her appearance, she resembled Hector but at the same time retained her normal physique, "To quote Bantu Steve Biko, the oppressor's most powerful weapon is the mind of the oppressed."
"She needs to stop drawing parallels between this movement and those of more established activists," Kurt hissed in Hermione's ear.
"Is there something wrong with her?" Hermione hissed back, "she looks like Mrs Markowitz and Dr Cooper at the same time."
"Maybe she has metamorphmagus flu," Kurt shrugged, "I hope it isn't contagious."
"Kurt," Hermione reprimanded him.
"I like looking like myself," Kurt shrugged, "I don't mean it in a prejudicial way."
"Charity," Professor McGonagall peered at the Muggle studies professors as they cycled through each other at random, "Are you well?"
"I'm fine," she smiled, the moment she was Hector made for rather salacious grin, "why do you ask?"
"You keep changing appearance," Professor McGonagall approached slowly, "rather rapidly actually, I think somebody should go get Madam Pomphry."
Professor Burbage had gone pale, as she eyed her hands cautiously, "No, get Dr Rhodes."
"Getting both wouldn't hurt," Kurt snapped as he watched his teacher's body contort and twist, no longer cycling through her alternates. Her body now appeared to be feeling in the dark for a form to take, it was rather frightening and Kurt had to hold onto Hermione not to lose consciousness, "I don't feel so well."
"I second the motion," Neville nodded before shaking his head, "don't say motion."
"Dr Rhodes in the house," the petit blonde woman announced as she entered the classroom, she stopped when her gaze landed on Professor Burbage, "I'm going to need you to step back from the convulsing muggle studies professor. How long has she been like this?"
"it started out mildly but it's been about a minute and a half," Professor McGonagall responded, "maybe two."
"What's happening?" Hermione squeaked.
"Professor Burbage's is having a seizure," Dr Rhodes' had a melodic voice that soothed Kurt regardless of how high strung he was feeling. Kurt relaxed for a moment, "she's going to be fine, there's no need to panic just give her some space."
Professor Burbage stopped convulsing and Dr Rhodes checked her watch, "Thank you April."
"I haven't really done anything yet," Dr Rhodes smiled, "but you could help me by conjuring a stretcher for me."
"Oh, of course," Professor McGonagall nodded and waved her wand.
"Now is as good a time as any to end the meeting, but before you go," Kurt spoke over the commotion, "don't forget to sign up if you're interested."
"I hope Professor Burbage comes out of this alright," Hermione hugged herself tightly.
"If Dr Rhodes says she's fine then there's no need to worry," Kurt laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she nodded her agreement and they began to pack their things.
"It's so unlike you to trust so explicitly," Hermione giggled.
"Dr Rhodes has proven herself," Kurt smirked, "not just to me but to Oxford."
Hermione rolled her eyes as they watched the masses begin to shuffle out of the classroom, Fred and George moved in the opposite direction, "Hermione, Kurt, interesting way to end a meeting."
"But we're not here to judge," Fred shook his head.
"We're actually here to help," they chorused.
"You see, Ron might not have been entirely wrong," George shrugged.
"But hear us out before you rip us a new one," Fred held his hands up defensively.
"So we have a suggestion," they chorused with a broad grin.
"You should talk to the house elves in the kitchens," Fred nodded.
"That will give you an idea of what house elves think about the issue," George smirked.
"And it will make a great starting point for your campaign."
"When you say kitchens," Kurt began, his brow furrowed.
"Do you mean the Hogwarts kitchens?" the horror in Hermione's voice was evident.
"Because we've read every publication about Hogwarts," Kurt's heart was racing and voice growing coarse.
"From cover to cover," Hermione clarified, "and we've never come across any mention of the use of house elf slave labour."
"Breath," Kurt said, more for his own benefit than Hermione's.
"Okay," the twins took a step back from Kurt and Hermione, "don't curse the messenger."
"Take us to the kitchens," Kurt spoke calmly before raising his voice, "now!"
"As you wish your majesty," the twins chorused with a bow.
"Don't patronise me," Kurt snapped as he slung his messenger bag over his shoulder.
"We're not patronising you," Fred shook his head.
"We recognise your majestic nature and think it is something to be revered," George nodded.
"You still have to pay me for winning that bet," Kurt rolled his eyes, "As much as I appreciate the compliments; I'm going to need every extra galleon I can manage, I'm saving."
Hermione looked up from the notebook she'd been scribbling furiously into, "Did Kurt just say he was saving?"
Kurt stopped a few steps below her and looked up at her with a patronising glare, "I'm practicing some austerity."
"Why?" she chuckled, "did Finn stop giving you his allowance?"
"I'm saving that as well," Kurt smiled as they navigated down the corridor in a familiar fashion, "and when I'm done saving, Finn and I will be the better for it."
"I'm so curious," Hermione beamed, she stopped dead in her tracks as they reached the Hogwarts basement, "isn't this the way to the Hufflepuff common room?"
"It is," George nodded.
"The Kitchen is adjacent to the Hufflepuff common room," Fred agreed.
"Now we know how the Fat Friar got fat," Hermione giggled.
"Honey," Kurt shook his head, "That was obvious from how he reacted to not being able to eat anything at Nearly Headless Nick's death day party."
"He was distraught," Hermione agreed.
"We weren't invited," the twins chorused, sulkily crossing their arms.
"Neither were we," Hermione shrugged.
"It's just not a party without the two of us," Kurt smirked.
Hermione shook her head, "I wouldn't go that far."
They came to a stop in front of the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common room, where they'd conversed with Anthony the previous night. Fred pointed to the large surreal painting of green men who had folded themselves into apples, he tickled one and he began to giggle and a doorway appeared in the canvas.
"Follow me," George reached out a hand as he stepped into the painting.
Hermione grabbed his hand and with her hand firmly in Kurt's, the world dissolved into clean lines, mountains shaped like a kissing couple, butterflies and aqueduct elephants for a moment before that too dissolved into a dark room that had the same dimensions as the Great hall.
"I think I'm going to need another aspirin," Hermione groaned.
"I'll never understand that entrance," Fred shuddered.
"It's Gennady Privedentsev," George rolled his eyes, "he's a surrealist artist."
"And that's why George is my favourite," Kurt smirked and winked at Fred.
"Did you hear that," George stuck out his tongue at his brother.
"I'm his favourite," Fred beamed.
"He was talking about me," George snapped.
"Yes but he meant me," Fred argued, "he even pointed at me."
"You don't deserve to be his favourite," George chided his brother, "you don't deserve to be anyone's favourite."
"Really?" Fred quirked a brow, "then why do I get more dialog?"
"I'm liked for my body," George flexed.
"We have the same body," Fred rolled his eyes.
"It looks better on me," George grinned, "I'm a tall drink of something good."
"Says the person without an OWL in potions," Fred smirked, "what the hell do you know about tall drinks of anything?"
"Kettle calling the pot black," George shrugged.
"Wait," Fred furrowed his brow, "I thought I was the pot."
"It doesn't sound right the other way round," George smirked.
"We're going to be over here," Hermione spoke once she'd snapped out of the stupor the boys had pulled them into, "doing what we came down here for."
Kurt cleared his throat, "Hi, good morning." Kurt smiled at the house elves milling about the large room, "might we have a moment of your time please."
"We're working on lunch," one of the house elves spoke in a squeaky voice before returning to work.
"This will only take a moment or so," Hermione smiled invitingly down at the house elves who were tending pots and making sandwiches, "please, we only mean to speak to you."
"No time," another house elf shook his head as he passed with a platter of turkey slices.
"Please," Hermione pleaded, "just a moment."
"House Elves of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft," Kurt's voice echoed through the large room, "lend us your ears." They all fell quiet and stopped dead in their tracks, "I didn't think that would work, Hermione."
"Right," Hermione cleared her throat, "We're member of the Society for the Protection of Elvish Welfare and we'd like to ask you some questions about your working conditions."
"We are working toward the abolition of house elf slavery," Kurt clarified, the house elves lost interest and got back to their work. Kurt turned to Hermione, "what happened? People generally love it when I speak."
"The house elves of Hogwarts do not want to be freed, friends of Harry Potter," a small voice called from behind them, "they fear they will lose their work and livelihood if they are freed."
"You know we have names of our own right," Kurt rolled.
"Dobby did not mean to insult the friends of Harry Potter," the doe eyed house elf looked up at them, "Dobby has done it again."
"We're not insulted," Kurt assured the house elf, "it's just a matter of having an identity outside of the company you keep."
"Dobby," Hermione smiled as if she'd had a brilliant idea, "why don't you tell the other house elves about the pleasure of being a free elf?"
"What's so great about it?" a second house elf appeared beside Dobby, she was barely able to stand up straight.
"Somebody's sauced," Kurt peered at her in bewilderment, "maybe she was at Finn's party."
"Dobby has tried to tell them of the joys of being free," Dobby held the female elf up, "but they see Winky and are afraid, being free has turned Winky into an alcoholic."
"Winky," Hermione wracked her brain, "why does that sound familiar?"
"We met her at the quidditch world," Kurt helped her along.
"Oh yes," Hermione nodded, sympathy clear on her face, "the house elf who was freed as punishment."
"You dedicate your whole life to a family, you make them the centre of your existence and then you lose their son for a moment," Winky sobbed inconsolably, "and they throw you out like garbage. I taught young master all the card games." Sudden realisation dawned on the house, "I shouldn't have said that."
She retrieved a bottle of butterbeer from the pocket of her skirt and took a large swig, "is that her poison of choice?" Kurt raised a curious brow, "the alcohol content in this is negligible, it's mostly sugar."
"It is sufficiently potent for house elves," Dobby protest.
"They are much smaller than wizards," Hermione shrugged.
"Then Keep her away from the Tej," Kurt shuddered, "I thought I was going to die."
"Dobby," Hermione kneeled, "might we ask a favour of you?"
"Anything for a friend of Harry Potter," Dobby grinned.
"It seems the house elves aren't interested in talking to Hermione and myself," Kurt got to his knees as well, they were at eye level with Dobby, "would you mind gathering some information for us? A survey of sorts."
Hermione smiled, "it would go a long way in helping us with attaining freedom for all house elves."
"Dobby would be honoured to help in such a noble quest," Dobby nodded excitedly.
"We'll come back with the questions later," Kurt smiled, "and here." Kurt pulled out an aspirin, "give Winky half of this when she's sober, it will help with the hangover."
"You're such a softy," Hermione smirked at Kurt, "comfortable on your knees."
"Yes, as a matter of fact I am," Kurt chuckled, "how about you?"
"Surprisingly, yes," Hermione pursed her lips.
"Better hurry to the library then," Kurt flashed her a devilish smile, Hermione blushed.
~0~
"Good evening Students of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang," Professor Dumbledore rang the little bells on the chain that cinched his beard, they made a more delicate sound this time, "as a student of Hogwarts said earlier today, lend me your ears."
"Okay, that is freaky," Hermione turned to Kurt with eyes the size of saucers, "how did he know that?"
"We had tea in the afternoon while you were in the library," Kurt waited for her to blush but it didn't come.
"I have the great pleasure to announce the next event on the calendar of Triwizard Tournament," Professor Dumbledore smiled broadly, "the Yule Ball!" Kurt looked to Hermione excitedly but she didn't reciprocate, "The Yule Ball is a dance and a chance to socialise with your peers from our brother and sister schools, it is unfortunately restricted to students in fourth year and up, unless you're invited of course."
Hope you liked it!