A/n: My life is in flames and my gender has been canceled for being human garbage fires, seems like a good time for an update.
"So, let me get this straight," Ron peered at the pair cautiously, "Kurt took you to lunch with Sirius, Lupin and Tonks?" Harry nodded, "And my brother was there?"
"That's exactly how I just explained it," Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Why did Charlie get to go to lunch but not me?"
"He's house sitting for me since my family went into hiding," Kurt shrugged, "We had to go through my place and I thought it would be rude to exclude him, given the circumstances."
"Is that the story we're going with?" Harry wagged a suggestive brow.
"For the first time in my life, I believe, I get to say this," Kurt smirked condescendingly, "but I don't understand what Harry Potter is saying."
"Is this the part where the sun falls and is feasted on by the fowls?" Ron rolled his eyes.
"That is what Kurt would have us believe," Hermione narrowed her gaze, "but my curiosity has been piqued and the library isn't sufficient to satiate this hunger."
"Has my day in the sun finally come?"
Hermione nodded grinning broadly, "this is your moment, don't let me down."
"You're all being ridiculous," Kurt rolled his eyes, "but be free my children."
Harry grinned, "It's because Charlie and Kurt are in love."
"You and Hipster Weasley?" Hermione gasped, "No, I have money on Terry."
"Trust me, I'm equally as disappointed," Harry moaned as they approached the quidditch pitch, "but I was going to lose anyway because I have since been convinced that Kurt was going to run into the sunset with Auror in training Buckleman, Tonks says he's great."
"It's Puckerman," Ron corrected.
"You know your Kurt," Harry scoffed, "but did you know he'd pick your brother?"
"Firstly, I did not pick anyone," Kurt snapped, "Secondly, you guys are taking bets on who I'm going to fall in love with?"
"Well…" Hermione fiddled with her hair for a moment, "it's more like a bet of who knows you best."
"Yeah," Ron nodded, "You're all of our favourite person and we just want to prove to each other that we know you best." Kurt glared at the boy, "Too much?"
"You think?"
"I see," Ron nodded solemnly, "I'm just going to bow out of this conversation while I still have some semblance of dignity."
"It's cute how you think you ever had any dignity," Hermione giggled.
"Well… I… The thing is…" Ron let out a tired breath, "I'm going to go to practice, where I am valued."
"Because Weasley is our King," the group chorused with a biting air.
Hermione turned to Kurt, her eyes digging deep into his soul, "Hipster Weasley? Really?" she shook her head, "Even Goyle is better than him, even if just on principle."
"Principle?" Harry quirked a curious brow.
"Kurt doesn't hate everything that Goyle is, or that he stands for," Hermione clarified.
"I don't hate anything," Kurt countered, "I am filled with the milk of human kindness."
"I told you I didn't need to hear that," Harry sulked.
"And I told you that it doesn't mean what you think it means," Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Given that you burped earlier and it smelled like Terry's dick, I wouldn't be so sure."
Hermione snapped her fingers triumphantly, "Still in the running!"
"We're just going to ignore the fact that Harry knows what Terrys penis smells like?" Kurt protested, "He didn't say I had penis breath, he knew exactly whose penis it was."
"I would like to exercise my right to remain silent," Harry shook his head.
"This isn't a court of law," Hermione shook her head with a boisterous guffaw, "if anything it is a CIA black sight, you have no rights."
"Well," Harry rolled his eyes, "if you must know."
"We must," Hermione assured him.
Harry took off his glasses and wiped them on his cloak, "I have been Goyle and I know what he… smells like."
"You gave you-Goyle a handjob," Hermione smirked suggestively, "Didn't you?"
"Oh Harry," Kurt shook his head, "I assured Lisa you were straight, and all along you've been Handjob-Harry for a different reason."
"I did not," Harry exclaimed, "I smelled his musk and took a little peek, other than that I may be the only straight one in this group of friends."
"I'm straight," Hermione exclaimed.
"So is Neville," Kurt smirked, "I've been meaning to rub this in your face for a while, but I believe Mandy and he to be sexually active."
"Neville?" Harry shook his head, "No way Neville lost his virginity before me." Harry shook his head more vigorously and let out an unhinged laugh, "if anyone, then Kurt."
"Why me?"
"Yes, Why him?"
"Well, two of his suitors are over twenty," Harry shrugged, "And given how he was with Cedric, who knows?"
"I know," Hermione interjected, "but Kurt almost never sees Puck, his only suitor over twenty."
"I would like to file an official motion to have Charlie elevated to suitor level," Harry countered.
"Motion denied," Hermione shook her head determinedly.
"On what grounds?"
"Hipster Weasley smells like worn leather," she rolled her eyes.
"He's also not expressed any explicit desire to be with me," Kurt shrugged, "that should be reason enough to keep him as far from me as the sun."
"But he fits every other requisite for a suitor," Harry countered.
"I'm listening," Hermione quirked a curious brow.
"Well," Harry grinned, "He's someone's definition of attractive, his arms are amazing, and he writes Kurt all the time."
"That is how Goyle was inducted into the desire," Hermione nodded to herself.
"No," Kurt shook his head, "my desire of suitors is not a democracy."
Hermione shook her head, "I think at this point, it's our desire."
"We're all way too involved not to claim ownership," Harry shook his head.
"And as a senior signatory to this desire of suitors, I would like to formally induct Hipster Weasley into the ranks."
Kurt stared at his best friend in awe, "Who made you a signatory?"
"You did," Hermione chortled, "When I became your best friend, you enforced this appointment when you allowed me to cull your desire to the remaining members."
"Oh yes," Kurt rolled his eyes, "the day you made Order of the White Lotus meetings awkward."
"I feel like your fellow Masters did that when they decided to fall in love with you."
Kurt shrugged, "Fair."
"So," Harry beamed, "is Hipster Weasley officially a suitor?"
"In your minds," Kurt shrugged, "that doesn't change the fact that our relationship is strictly that of an employer and his employee."
"I'm sure if we told him he'd spray the room," Hermione teased.
"Don't tell him," Kurt snapped, "After Harry insinuated that he was one of my boyfriends today, it would only go to his head."
"But which head?" Harry teased.
Kurt glared at his friend, "this is why you lived under the stairs."
"Kurt!" Harry and Hermione chorused.
"Oh, did I take it too far?" the sarcasm dripped from every word Kurt spoke, "I thought anything goes after you invited someone into my romantic life despite my objections."
"Let's just make a general rule that rooms under stairs are always a bridge too far," Hermione suggested.
"I think you'd get pretty snippy if we started inviting people to your vagina," Kurt countered, "but I am sorry if I crossed a line."
"We are so far beyond crossing lines that it isn't even funny," Harry chuckled, "but we didn't invite Charlie into your bed, we just want you to acknowledge that there is a mutual interest there."
"Why?" Kurt rolled his eyes, "because he works with dragons and I'm interested in dragons?"
"More like he works with dragons," Hermione laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, "and since you met him, every non-Nancy Drew piece of research you've done has been about dragons."
"Because my Care for Magical Creatures independents study project was on dragons," Kurt rolled his eyes, "Hagrid assigned it to me."
"Look," Harry shrugged, "you can either fight this or you can go with it."
"Your choice," Hermione smirked.
Kurt rolled his eyes, "I choose to remind you both that it is my desire of suitors and that you should drop this if you don't want to be punched in the throat."
"You always have to take it there," Harry clutched his neck defensively.
"And you all like to include yourselves in my damn business," Kurt shrugged nonchalantly.
"That's kind of what friends do," Hermione pointed out.
Kurt rolled his eyes, "You don't really know what you have until it's gone, I took being friendless for granted."
"Keep talking like this and it will come back to you with a vengeance," Hermione smirked.
"Time to do the right thing and change the subject," Kurt flashed a saccharine smile, "tell me about your day Hermione Jean Granger."
"It's been okay," she shrugged nonchalantly.
Kurt quirked an expectant brow, "just okay?"
"Yeah."
"No time with Alexander Bembridge?"
"None," she shook her head, "I'm much too busy writing erotic friend fiction about you and Charlie."
"You literally just found out about that," Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Professor Trelawney was fired," she exclaimed, "I almost forgot."
"How do you forget someone losing their livelihood?" Harry asked pointedly.
"I didn't forget," she rolled her eyes, "I almost forgot."
"Good," Kurt nodded to himself.
"Okay, Kurt's response was 'good'," Harry nodded slowly, "I'm not sure which is worse, Hermione's indifference or the fact that you're deriving pleasure from the situation."
Hermione shrugged, "she wasn't very good at her job, it was only a matter of time."
"It was actually kind of funny, she was ugly-crying at the beginning," Hermione smirked, "then it got sad when she said Hogwarts was her only home and she almost lost that."
"I can see how that tragedy could be forgettable," Harry shook his head in disappointment.
"But she didn't," Kurt rolled his eyes, "Professor Dumbledore let her keep her quarters."
"Yeah, because Professor D-" Harry furrowed his brow, "How did you know Professor Dumbledore let her stay?"
"I co-ordinated this whole thing," Kurt waved the boy off, "I knew that Professor Umbridge would make a scene out of the dismissal, and I thought that was a perfect opportunity to undermine her authority."
"You got Professor Trelawney fired?" Harry gaped.
"Professor Umbridge was going to do it anyway when she became Headmistress," Kurt shrugged, "this way she's protected from exile."
"Why?"
Hermione raised a silencing finger, "why do you think Umbridge is going to be Headmistress?"
"The Minister for Magic thinks Professor Dumbledore is after his job," Kurt shook his head as if this was the most obvious information, "that's why he's been slandering him, the trump card is to discredit him by having him deposed as Headmaster."
"Installing someone the Ministry can control," Hermione let out a defeated sigh.
"Yes," Kurt nodded, "I'm just fast-forwarding through events that are going to happen, twist them to best suit us."
"How'd you do it?"
"I told Millicent that Professor Trelawney had made a bogus and slanderous prediction about Professor Umbridge during my private session with her," Kurt shrugged, "Millicent was compelled to go tell Professor Umbridge because she's on the Inquisitorial Squad."
"You're on the Inquisitorial Squad," Harry pointed out, "why weren't you compelled?"
"Some of the truest sins are born of pure loyalty," Kurt flashed a weak smile.
"What's the endgame?" Hermione gaped at him, "what's the plan?"
"Professor Dumbledore is going to appoint Firenze as Professor of Divination," Kurt smirked.
"Firenze?" Harry furrowed his brow, "why him?"
"Centaurs use a combination of Astronomy and Astrology to divine the future," Hermione smiled broadly, "And having a centaur teaching at Hogwarts will drive Umbridge crazy."
"That Lisa is quite brilliant at moments," Kurt pursed his lips in approval.
"Speaking of Lisa," Hermione flashed him a suspicious glance, "I had to get her to give Tracey a tutorial on handjobs."
"You got Lisa to do it?"
"She apparently wasn't satisfied with your suggestion to use her mouth," Hermione shrugged, "even when I echoed the sentiment."
"That's how Oma taught me how to do it," Kurt shrugged.
"I know, right?"
"Could you give this talk to Lisa?"
"You're on your own," Hermione shook her head.
"Besides, Anthony Rickett deserves a blowjob," Kurt shook his head, "Hermione rejected him for Viktor and then for Alexander Bembridge, he's been a great friend to Finnocence since Cedric's death, and he's a sweetheart with great arms."
"Whereas Lisa made it clear that you had only earned a handjob," Kurt put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "do better; be more like Anthony Rickett and we will advocate blowjobs for you."
"Tracey didn't say she wasn't going to do it," Hermione explained.
"Her exact words were she's not there yet," Finn completed the sentence, seeming to appear out of thin air.
"Might I remind you all that Tracey Davis is my friend," Kurt snapped.
"I'm sure Tracey would contest that claim," Finn scoffed.
"Can we talk about how if you speak of Finn, he appears?" Hermione glared at the tall boy.
"Like any good poltergeist," Finn smirked.
"Peeves would contest that claim," Harry snorted, earning a reproachful look from Kurt.
"Tracey is too my friend," Kurt snapped, "we're simpatico."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Finn shrugged.
Kurt shook his head, "This is not about how I sleep at night."
"Restlessly," Finn interjected, "Kurt fights demons in his sleep."
"This is about the fact that I introduced you all to Tracey Davis and now you think she's your friend."
"Oh please," Hermione scoffed.
"Nobody but you, is delusional enough to think they are Tracey Davis' friend," Finn scoffed.
"Tracey Davis doesn't have friends," Hermione shook her head.
Finn nodded his agreement, "I don't think she believes in friendship."
"Or is capable of it," Hermione completed the thought.
"She is the pinnacle of dead on the inside," they chorused.
Harry shrugged, "she's pretty and compelling enough to get away with it, she makes being a loner sexy."
"No," Kurt shook his head, "Firstly, I am her friend; secondly, nobody is more dead on the inside than I am; and thirdly, I could get away with being a loner too!"
"You're the person who cries second most out of everybody I know," Finn chortled, "You are so alive on the inside that you have five boyfriends."
"Five?" Hermione quirked a curious brow.
"Didn't we just add Charlie to the desire?"
"I thought he was number four," Hermione furrowed her brow.
"Isn't that Ron?"
"No," Hermione shook her head, "Ron is rooting for someone, he doesn't have the emotional maturity to root for someone other than himself."
"Ron is a growing boy," Kurt snapped, "You don't know his story, he is maturing."
"Sure," Finn rolled his eyes, "that's why he's single."
"Ron could be with Lavender Brown if he wanted to date someone," Kurt crossed his arms indignantly, "that should tell you something."
Finn's face lit up, "he's saving himself for you!" He grabbed Hermione by the shoulders and shook her, "I told you he was number four!"
"Ron is not one of Kurt's suitors," Harry shook his head.
"Oh yeah," Finn flashed a smarmy grin, "then why was he at this morning's suitor breakfast?"
Kurt shook his head, "that was just Ron and I having breakfast, Terry and Gregory invited themselves."
"That sounds plausible," Finn rolled his eyes.
"Besides," Kurt crossed his arms and let out an indignant huff, "I've dissolved my desire of suitors."
"Because you and Charlie declared relationship status when we got to Tonks'!" Harry exclaimed in excitement.
"What?" Kurt furrowed his brow in horror, "no!"
"I think thou doth protest too much," Finn shook his head.
"You can't," Hermione gaped at him, "I have good money in that pool, I need to win! Don't let Mandy win!"
"Calm down," Kurt scooted away from his demented friend, "I was trying to change the subject, my desire is still intact."
"Unlike your hymen," Finn and Hermione chorused, high-fiving each other."
"What?" Kurt furrowed his brow in confusion, "I don't have a hymen."
"Not anymore," Finn smirked suggestively.
"Never," Kurt shook his head in disappointment, "A hymen is part of the female anatomy, being male precludes me from having one."
"Mandy is totally going to win the pool," Harry let out a defeated sigh, gazing wistfully at the Gryffindor quidditch team practice.
"Why?" Kurt looked around at them, "what'd she bet?"
"That you were doing this for attention," Hermione shrugged dismissively, "I know this is a melding of two great minds, that's why Terry is going to win."
"No, Kurt is using Terry to make Goyle unlock his potential," Harry countered, "making him into the man he knows he deserves."
"Kurt is just a teenage boy," Finn shook his head, "you guys are giving him too much credit." Finn let out a demoralising guffaw, "that said, if anyone's going to win it'll be Goyle! He invented being a Hummelsexual, and I've heard it's like a baby elephant."
The group turned to Kurt expectantly, but he just stared at them blankly. Hermione smirked, "Harry?"
"What?" he shrugged.
"You know the smell of all the desire's penises," Hermione clarified, "you should know size too."
"I told you to stop smelling people's penises," Finn scolded.
"What?"
The tall boy shrugged, "it just felt right."
"When I interacted with the subject matter," he shifted in his seat uncomfortably, "it was like baby's arm."
"Wow," Hermione shook her head, "that is some image."
Finn cleared his throat, "Am I the only one imagining an infant's limb protruding from Goyle's crotch?"
"Not anymore," Hermione and Kurt chorused.
There was a tranquil moment of silence, "this is nice."
"What?" Hermione shot Harry a quizzical look, "talking about the size of Goyle's penis?"
"Being able to talk about it," Harry chuckled, "having this time to forget about everything that's happening in the world to talk about things that have been inside Kurt."
"You're still not allowed to discuss that topic," Hermione shook her head, "You haven't earned the right."
"Earned the right?" Finn furrowed his brow.
"You have to slap or punch Draco in the face before you can discuss what is or has been inside Kurt," Harry explained, "an honour that only Hermione and Kurt currently hold."
"Challenge accepted," Finn smirked malevolently.
"You have to have witnesses or it isn't real," Hermione clarified, "it's not enough to just say you did it."
~0~
Kurt looked over the group of young adults that stood before him, grown before their time but not yet as knowing of the world as he was; many of them had not yet seen death, it would not visit them for some time. Kurt looked into the eyes of those who knew what it felt like to lose something that held you together, someone that you held in such esteem that they were part of you- those that had lost love knew the look in his eyes as he flashed a hopeful smile.
Harry Potter had lost his parents and the right to determine his own destiny one dark Halloween before he could speak. Susan Bones had lost every member of her family save for one days before her second birthday. Neville Longbottom was forced to live on the fringe of ultimate loss, on the cusp of being an orphan, without his parents but having them within reach. Finn Hudson and Anthony Rickett had lost their best friend younger than anyone should lose friends. Dean Thomas and Ming Prewett had been robbed the opportunity to know their fathers by death and mystery. Kurt had suffered his own loss at the hands of an evil they were born into, the very evil that had snatched his first love from him; he mourned for the losses of his peers, for his own losses, for love that would never be seen to fruition, and for the bleak future ahead of them.
Kurt closed his eyes and thought for a moment of all that he had to lose, wondering if he would see his father again. Kurt wondered if Harley and Velma would have the opportunity to know the brother that was chosen for them by the words of a seer? Would they know what he had been like? Would they know what had been taken him from them? Would he succeed and assure their opportunity to attend Hogwarts? Would Kurt ever have the opportunity to stand before his muggleborn siblings and teach them how to be good wizards? Teach them to be strong, wise, brave, loyal, cunning and respectful. Teach his babies, as he was doing now, that a good wizard is one who makes their own choices and is respectful of those around them's right to make their own choices and exist.
Kurt thought selfishly, would he ever have another great romance? Had he met his soulmate and loved them to completion already? Was he destined for one unfulfilling romance after another, or was there a third act to his love life that would be as consuming as the first? Would the hole left by Cedric's death be filled in this plane of existence, or would he have to wait to be reunited with the boy who had loved him better than he deserved to be loved? Was he wrong to preoccupy himself with his own woes in the shadow of the leviathan that they were facing?
As the second he was wrapped in stretched into an eternity, Kurt prayed to the echo of Rowena Ravenclaw that lived within him for the guidance to navigate the future as it stretched before him like the country road; slick with rain, merging with the bleak grey sky on the horizon.
"Right," he hardened his face, "today's lesson is the hardest you will have, today we turn the human body into an instrument."
"Kurt will be teaching us how to cast the most basic spells windlessly," Harry nodded from beside him, "this will be a lesson for all of us, I don't know how to do what we're about to learn either. We're going to learn this together."
"We're going to learn how to play with fucking fire?" Ernie punched the air triumphantly.
"Don't be ridiculous," Kurt shook his head, "That took me three months of non-stop training to begin to grasp, and it is a skill I have been honing since."
"So that's a no on the fire breathing?" Justin groaned.
"Fire is difficult to control, it's alive," Kurt shook his head, "it is dangerous, it is consuming. To manipulate a fire charm without a wand is to open yourself up to burning every molecule in your body."
"I'm a little afraid," Justin whimpered.
"Your wand works the way it does because it is two distinct parts," Kurt explain, trying his hardest to sound reassuring, "the core channels magic from within you, the wood controls and guides it. When you cast a spell, every cell in your body is ignited and works in unison with your wand to project your will." He fixed an imaginary stray hair, "when you cast a spell without a wand, the same thing happens but because the magic is spread so thinly over a so many cells the effects are negligible.
"In order to begin to see results, you can concentrate that power to just your skin cells," Kurt threw both his wands to Hermione, "ignis. And you begin radiate heat." There was a resounding gasp, "concentrate that further to just the palms of your hands and…" two streams of blue flame burst forward from his extended hands, "then, when you're truly advanced."
Kurt extended a lone finger and the turret of flames shot from there but were broader and hotter than before, one cell working for all of them. There was a resounding round of applause, "picking a particular cell." Kurt opened his mouth and the flames shot out of in a plume that brightened the room.
"Kurt is just showing off now," Hermione shook her head and handed him back his wands, eying the second one suspiciously- her eyes told him they would be have a conversation about his masterpiece later. She turned to the toom at large, "we're going to be covering a simpler version of that art; because the more complex and advanced a spell is, the more you need to concentrate it to fewer cells to make it work."
"Depending on how much it needs to be directed," Kurt clarified, "if the magic is to be cast upon a specific object then it requires more work; alohamora would require the magic to be directed to the lock in question."
"But the shielding charm would be more effective and require the minimum concentration," Hermione smirked, "maximum power."
"Because it is undirected, it doesn't require any cell section when dealing with a beginner spellcaster," Kurt smiled politely, "if you cast the spell without any form of direction, you could survive a first year's attempt at hexing you."
"What if you want to stop, I don't know… a death eater's attempt to kill you?"
"Always asking the right questions Lisa," he beamed, "Then, your best bet would be to project it, the higher your concentration, the better."
"Let's start small," Hermione raised a silencing finger, "think of your skin." She went still and closed her eyes, "close your eyes if it helps, allow every sense to fade away and only touch to remain."
"It sounds pretentious as fuck and like we're pulling your leg but bear with us," Kurt assured them, he and Hermione recited the instructions the way they had the previous day with Tracey, "this is the key, blanking out parts of yourself so that there is only the medium."
"When you can feel the finest hairs on your skin moving in time with the slightest breeze," Hermione release a breath, "you're ready."
"Stupify," Kurt pointed his ebony wand in her direction.
Hermione glared in his direction, "protego maxima."
The spell had no effect on her, "that was unprojected, but limited to her skin; this is not the ideal way to use the art but a good place to start."
"Aguamenti," a spout of water shot from Kurt's wand, Hermione extended her hands and said the incarnation which caused the water to rebound of an invisible shield. Kurt smiled broadly, "As always, there is always room for creativity." Kurt ran toward the wall, his skin incensed, "Protego maxima."
Kurt jumped and punched the wall so hard his fist left an indent, "there he goes, showing off again." Hermione shook her head, "but he's right, what we lack in skill we must make up for with creativity."
"Pair up," Kurt spoke without turning from the wall, watching the crater he'd created repair itself, "Alternate between yourselves as to who is windlessly protecting themselves and who is casting hexes, start small and work your way up."
Kurt watched as any trace that he'd punched the wall disappeared, "none of the juniors are here."
"They'd only hurt themselves," Kurt shook his head, "wasn't worth having them here if they weren't going to learn anything."
"You mastered this in second year," Hermione countered.
"And I'm a protégé," Kurt shrugged, not turning to face her, "took me three months of broken bones and embarrassment to master this skill, I'm made of the right stuff." He touched the wall, the brick façade was cool on his fingertips, "failing at this would only break their confidence and spirit, we can't have them thinking they are less in the coming days."
"Fair," he didn't need to see her to know she was nodding.
He could hear the question burning in her chest, "Ask or you'll never know."
"When were you going to show it to me?"
Kurt shook his head, "this isn't it."
He handed her the wand over his shoulder and she analysed it, "Looks a lot like it, what is this one?"
"Grindylow horn," Kurt answered, nonchalantly.
"I'd ask where you acquired that… but I know the answer," Hermione scoffed.
"You'd be wrong."
"This isn't from Charlie?"
Kurt shook his head, "Harry got him into all of your heads because of one afternoon, the horn was acquired on my behalf by Remus Lupin."
"Wow," Hermione handed the wand back to him, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Kurt smirked, "you're all just too excitable."
"You indulge us too much, allow us too much free reign," Hermione shook her head, "Our freedom to engage in your personal business has made us feral." She gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth in shame, "ungovernable."
"You're all just curious," Kurt's tone was impassive, "I can't blame you for behaviour I have nurtured- I'm not exactly in a conventional arrangement." Kurt chuckled, "we all act in each other's best interest, you guys think you know who would be best for me. It's cute."
"I know you so well," Hermione shook her head, "why don't I know this?"
"Because it's a part of yourself you don't know," Kurt smiled at his best friend, turning to her for the first time, "You never wanted to go that far with Anthony and you never got the time to wade in that deep with Viktor. You've never been in love the way I have, the way I'm looking to love again."
"I can't say I have," she shook her head.
Kurt took her hand, "I'm looking for that again, there is no set way of finding it but I will look everywhere I can."
"Do you ever think our lives are a bit much?" Hermione groaned, "like we're always firing all the pistons at every minute of every day?"
"Is there any other way to live?"
"I suppose not," Hermione shrugged, "not for us at least."
"Heather decided not to drop out," Kurt shrugged.
"Heather?"
"Pregnant girl, morally opposed to abortion," Kurt explained, "Remember, I told you that Mandy told me but that if asked you should say Lisa told you."
"Oh, right," Hermione nodded, "is she going to raise the kid here at Hogwarts?"
"She's giving it up for adoption," Kurt smiled, "I felt badly about telling everyone and so I went to speak to her, I didn't tell her I told everyone."
"That wouldn't be sensible."
"The whole thing wasn't sensible," Kurt shook his head, "I even dissuaded her of the idea that it was Lisa who told everyone."
"Look at you," Hermione quirked a suggestive brow, "First you forgave the Slytherins for not having done anything, then Mandy and now Lisa. What have you become?"
"I see you decided not to mention Hipster Weasley this time," Kurt smirked.
She shook her head, "we bring him up so much I think we might be in love with him."
"A notion I would support, especially Ron," Kurt chuckled at his own joke before he made it, "I hear incest is best, one should put their brother to the test."
"You're fucking disgusting," Hermione gaped at him, "I wonder what Finn thinks of that sentiment."
"I wonder if Finn thinks," Kurt chortled.
I heard that, the boy boomed from across the room.
Kurt rolled his eyes, I don't care what you can hear.
I have feelings you know, the boy flashed him a puppy-dog face.
I know, Kurt nodded, and they are Padma's problem.
I hate you.
Kurt sighed, to know me is to hate me.
"What did you say to Heather?" Hermione's voice pulled him from his squabble with Finn.
"I gave her options," Kurt shrugged, "let her know that she could have everything she wanted and stick by her convictions."
"You're quite thoughtful," Hermione smiled at him, "no matter what people say."
"Why?" Kurt heard a faint thumping but ignored it, "what are people sayin-"
His words were cut short by a second, louder thumping that broke a hole in the far wall. Kurt cut through the crowd, with Hermione in tow, to meet up with Harry, Ron and the rest of leadership at the front of the group. Kurt took a further step forward and a door formed where the hole was and through it entered Professor Umbridge, Argus Filch and the Inquisitorial Squad. With them was Cho Chang, the word 'sneak' branded on her forehead in large clear script.
"I'm sorry-" Cho began but Kurt raised a silencing finger.
"Don't say anything more," Kurt shook his head.
"Mr Potter, Mr Hummel," Professor Umbridge spat their names, her wand pointed in their direction, "I might have known I'd find you two here."
"And where is it you think you've found us?" Kurt cocked a hip and crossed his arms expectantly.
"I know you two are behind this…" she glared at them, "this gross violation of Educational Decree number twenty-three."
"They aren't behind it," Neville spoke out, "I orchestrated this whole."
"We did it together," Mandy nodded, "we're outlaws driven mad by love and power."
Neville turned to her with eyes the size of saucers, "Love?"
"Of course," Mandy smirked, "why else would we do something this stupid."
"I helped," Lisa spoke up, "I was a large part of making this what it is today."
"Bring Hummel, Potter, Weasley, Granger and whoever these three are," she turned on her heels but stopped just short of the door, "bring the muggleborn brother."
"I have a name," Finn growled as they were muscled by the inquisitorial squad.
As they were led through the maze of corridors to the headmaster's office, no doubt to lay this at Professor Dumbledore's feet. Nobody dared to touch Kurt, his demeanour was stony and the air around him was frigid. They stopped at the gilded gargoyle and a hand rested on his shoulder, Kurt glared at the fingers and they started to turn blue.
"Why would you do this?" the voice was a whispered growl in his ear.
"Because it's what is right," Kurt's breath misted before his very eyes.
Hermione's hand took his, "Kurt." He looked into her warm brown eyes and beamed remorse, "you're making it really cold."
"I've never done that before," Kurt shook his head, "I'm not even doing it on purpose."
"Everything is going to be okay," she rubbed comforting circles into the back of his hand.
Kurt looked around the elevator, "I'll fix this."
Professor Umbridge giggled to herself, "I think you've done enough."
"I think I'll be the judge of my limits," Kurt snapped back, not even knowing how he would begin to walk back all that he had done. His doubts didn't stop a smile from spreading across his face as he climbed the stairs to the headmaster's office, where he would be tried and sentenced.
Kurt was second to enter the headmaster's office after Professor Umbridge, "We've uncovered your plot, Dumbledore."
"Ah," Professor Dumbledore nodded, "I suppose the authorities will be on their way then."
"The Minister will be coming personally to escort you to Azkaban," Professor Umbridge's tone was smug.
"Professor Dumbledore," Harry interjected, "I can't let you take the blame."
"My boy," the elderly wizard shook his head, "we all know that the work you and your friends have done was done at my insistence."
"I'm Miranda Brocklehurst," a firm voice spoke over the tension that filled the room, "most people call me Mandy but I am never part of 'sundry'! I am Mandy Brocklehurst, that is Lisa Turpin and this is Neville Longbottom."
"Maybe if your government wasn't so dehumanising, people wouldn't be trying to overthrow you," Lisa snapped, she took a step forward but Millicent held her in place, "You signed your fate when you decided to come after my boyfriend."
"And hide what happened to my boyfriend," Kurt glared at her but was interrupted by the arrival of the Minister for Magic, Kingsley Shacklebot and a third auror unknown to Kurt.
"I knew all along that you would try something like this Albus," The Minister spoke in a terse but proud tone, "Delores, dispatch an owl to the Prophet at once. Tell them that Dumbledore has been taken to Azkaban for conspiring to overthrow the Ministry."
"Azkaban?" Professor Dumbledore smirked.
"Yes," the Minister smirked smugly, "that's the penalty for treason."
"Professor-" Harry shouted but Kurt shot him a silencing look.
"Oh dear," the headmaster shook his head as he got to his feet, he slowly circled his desk as he spoke, "While I take full credit for what has transpired here and I will admit to abusing my power to compel these students to form this… club, the parchment does say Dumbledore's army after all." He crossed his arms and grinned, "but do not for a moment mistake my admission of guilt for my agreement to come peacefully."
"What are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is that your owl to the Prophet should say that I evaded capture," he winked and Fawkes flew to him and they exploded into a plume of flames.
There was a moment of chaos as the aurors moved to capture the long-gone headmaster, over which Lisa turned to the group in awe, "did he wink at us?"
~0~
Kurt carefully copied the prescribed phrase in perfect calligraphy onto his parchment, he thought the barbarous torture instrument to be little more than annoyance as he moved the quil over the parchment in controlled but elaborate script; I must not conspire to overthrow the government. Kurt objected to the premise of the statement and had said so on multiple occasions, claiming that the school and Ministry had no business prescribing to his political beliefs; he could overthrow the Government if he wanted to, so long as he didn't break any school rules in his attempts. They had been working on their punishment for the last three hours and Kurt knew that it would soon be over, as much as Acting Headmistress Umbridge might enjoy keeping them from supper, she couldn't keep a large group of students from dinner without causing a riot.
He listened to the chorus of winces as his peers completed their punishment, each taking a break to glare at Acting Headmistress Umbridge. She, in turn, alternated between scowling at Harry and Kurt; Harry was in cahoots with Professor Dumbledore, an equal in their conspiracy against Minister Fudge, and thus the source of most of her anguish. Kurt was a wild card in her eyes, and he continued to undermine her authority but because he did it through legitimate channels she couldn't quite pin anything on him. It had been him who had kept her from ascending to the position of Headmaster, her appointment required board approval and Kurt had the authority to veto all board decisions- a muscle he hadn't exercised in while. Given the glares, Kurt suspected that word of his veto had made its way back to her, as such he made sure to smile at her every time their eyes met.
"That will be enough for this afternoon," the toadish woman spoke with a satisfied lilt in her voice.
Kurt signed his name at the top of the parchment and left it on the desk despite there being no instruction to do so, he wanted Professor Umbridge to be aware that he could not be shamed for his actions. Kurt was last to leave the detention venue, to his utter disgust he found a group of students circling a sobbing Cho Chang, while the rest were simply ignoring her.
"What on earth is going on here?" his voice cut through the noise like a hot knife through butter.
"Here she is," Sue Li shook her head, "the traitor."
Izzy shook her head, "I let her borrow my lipgloss."
"I don't know why she would show her face here," Zacharias Smith spat.
"I just wanted to say I was sorry," Cho sobbed.
"You're sorry?" Zacharias growled, "that's the best you can do? Look at our hands!" He showed her the back of her hand where their designated slogan was freshly scratched into his flesh.
"I never thought this would come of it."
"What did you think would happen?" the blond growled.
"That's enough from you Zacharias," Kurt snapped.
The Hufflepuff boy smirked, "you're in for it now, you messed with the wrong bitch."
"No, that would be your mistake," Kurt cut through the group and threw a comforting arm over Cho's slumped shoulder, "Whatever happened to kindness, it's supposed to be one of the core values of your house, but then I guess Hufflepuff's policy for taking all those who wish to learn leaves them with some of the desirables."
"You're defending her," Izzy balked at him.
"What is done, is done," Kurt shook his head, "it is up to us to deal with what is happening."
Zacharias chortled malevolently, "she's the one that's caused everything that's happening."
"We were all willing participants in Dumbledore's Army, none of us can absolve ourselves of guilt."
"Watch me," he scoffed.
"Then blame Hermione Granger for coming up with the idea, blame Harry Potter for convincing you to join," he let out a defeated sigh, "blame me for organising the whole thing."
"We're not going to blame you Kurt," Sue shook her head, "I just want to know why she did it, why she betrayed us."
"Because I told her to," Kurt's face remained stony as they gasped and gaped at him, "How do you like those apples?"
"You wouldn't," Sue shook her head.
"I did," he nodded, "Why do you think the children were absent? So they wouldn't face the same punishment we are right now."
Zacharias shook his head in disbelief, "You're just saying that so we'll leave her alone."
"You were going to leave Cho alone or face my wrath, no reason needed," Kurt shook his head, "I want you to go off and tell everyone that it was I who planned the downfall of Dumbledore's Army." A wicked smile spread across Kurt's beautiful face, "I want to see if all the bullies who've been giving Cho a hard time will dare to test their skills against mine, or were they just brave because Cho is pathetic."
"You just called her pathetic but we're the bullies?" Izzy quirked a curious brow.
"I can't change that about her but I'm not the one picking on her," Kurt shrugged.
"Whatever," Sue rolled her eyes, "maybe now people will stop shouting insults at me."
"White people," Izzy rolled her eyes, "if one more person tells me they heard I was dating Anthony Rickett I will burst into flames."
"I'm not going anywhere near that one," Kurt raised his hands in surrender, "but at least you're being mistaken for pretty people, people often mistake me for Harry Potter." He shuddered, "a first year called me 'Slytherin Potter'."
They simply stared blankly at him, not ready to laugh with him, and turned away. Kurt unhooked his arm from Cho's shoulder and smiled empathetically at the sad girl he'd once called a romantic rival.
"You didn't have to do that," she shook her head, "not that I'm not grateful-"
"Save your gratitude," Kurt flashed a cold smile, "I was always going to clear your name, this is merely a manifestation of that."
"For everything," Cho corrected, "my mum's job."
"I was always going to leak the existence of Dumbledore's Army," Kurt pursed his lips, "this way some good came of it."
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