A/n: a new chapter has come, if I can keep at this level of drunk then another should follow.

Kurt started the day so beautifully, nothing special but so absolutely perfect in its mediocrity. The summer day hadn't quite gotten to that overly hot temperature and the lesser mind might have called it spring; but Kurt, being educated in the skills of reading a calendar, knew it to be the tenth day of the summer of nineteen ninety-seven. Kurt had, after all, recently had a birthday and was now of his magical majority.

Kurt had finished his exams, something he had been dreading since he'd sent away his family; this would mean that a summer of longing would follow closely. Kurt didn't have an Order of the White Lotus engagement to keep him distracted this summer, he couldn't bury his head in the endless mountain of tomes that filled the shelves of the Order's library because this was his war. He supposed that he could spend the summer with Charlie, and they could be so disgustingly cutesy that it would make Finn sick. He might not have the option to travel but he would find ways to make himself happy with whatever it was the British Isles had to offer. He could take Finn to the coast, prove once and for all to the boy that the United Kingdom was truly an island, or maybe they could go fuck sheep in Wales. All of these things, within wartime reason, seemed possible that morning.

His ordinary day had been spoiled at lunch when Draco Malfoy had shoved him and that had shifted the energy in the air, this was an action consistent with a Draco he had not seen in more than a year- A Draco who believed that the world was his and everyone was less than him, a Draco who basked in his pureblood privilege. Kurt was actually a little happy to see the return of the obnoxious asshole he had become fond of calling cousin, it was a large leap forward from the boy who had sobbed in his arms and begged for death. Kurt did a double take and glared at the boy until Gregory had leaned closer than he was comfortable to whisper two words to him, "It's today."

The words only meant one thing to Kurt, and it wasn't good news. He stepped back from his large peer and smiled politely, "thank you."

Kurt made quick work of navigating the castle's many corridors and stairs till he came to the gilded gargoyle that stood guard to the Headmaster's office, he recited the password and climbed the stairs with great haste. Kurt opened the office door to find it abandoned, Fawkes peered at him with curiosity but decided that there was nothing interesting about him and went back to preening her feathers. Kurt rolled his eyes, the headmaster was off on some escapade to god-knows-where on the very day he needed to be in the castle. This spelled danger for the student body, Kurt doubted the Death Eaters would wait politely for their target's return.

He stepped up to the desk and scribbled a quick note to the man demanding his immediate return to the castle, he tapped it with his wand and it folded itself into an origami crane. Kurt was perplexed when the crane flew in a circle and landed back in his palm. He shrugged and tried once more, this time he burned the note but the ashes simply gathered themselves and reformed into the note. This note was getting on his nerves now, Professor Dumbledore needed to be here to die! For all their sakes. Kurt walked over to the fireplace, threw in some floo powder, whispered an incantation and threw the note into the fireplace. He wasn't surprised when the note came flying back at him, the Headmaster was unfindable.

Kurt crumpled up the note and threw it in the fire. He took off with a vengeance; down the spiral staircase, navigating the corridors of the castle and climbing the everchanging staircases till he came painting of Helga of Kiev, she looked happy to see him, "Kurt! Where is the muscle?"

"We're no longer seeing each other," Kurt shook his head, "he's all yours if you're interested."

She blushed and shook her head bashfully, "maybe when I was a younger girl."

"Helga," Kurt squared up with the painting and looked her dead in the eye, "I need you to let me into Gryffindor tower."

She shook her head, "Kurt, I can't."

"It's an emergency and I'm a prefect," Kurt tried to convince her, but she wouldn't budge. He redirected his efforts, "If you don't let me in, I'm going to scream so loud and long that Professor McGonagall will come to see after the commotion. Then she'll make you let me in, and have you replaced with the Cadogan fool"

"Don't call him that," Helga blushed slightly, "We've started seeing each other."

Kurt filled his lungs with air and let loose a high-pitched wail that echoed through every crevice of the castle, he let every frustration that had weighed on him his entire life out in a single unending cry for help. The portrait swung open and there stood Neville Longbottom with his hands over his ears, "What the bloody hell Kurt?"

"Neville," he smiled, pulling himself toward himself and putting an end to his wailing.

"After you," the boy gestured for him to enter the Gryffindor common room.

Hermione frowned at him, "what was that?"

"Draco shoved me."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hermione glared at him.

"Like, he was obnoxious and arrogant," he explained himself, "he was Draco."

"Yes, he was Draco," she rolled her eyes, "that doesn't excuse the farce you just caused."

Kurt shook his head, "Are you listening to me?"

"I am, and I think you've lost your mind."

"Draco shoved me!"

"You and Harry need help," Hermione rolled her eyes, "He was mumbling some nonsense about a drunk Professor Trelawny and whooping and Draco." She put her hands on her hips, "Can anyone say obsession?"

"Obsession," Neville high-fived himself, "but you're being unnecessarily obtuse Hermione, Draco has been a sourpuss this whole year and now he's all chipper? The tides have turned in his favour."

"And that's why he should be in Ravenclaw," Kurt beamed at Neville, "Why when he calls me mama-"

Neville grinned devilishly, "mama."

"I call him baby," he hugged his friend, "what's up baby?"

"I hate you both," Hermione shook her head.

Kurt shrugged, "I'm not here for you."

"Fuck this," she rolled her eyes, "I'm going to find my real best friend, Tracey Davis."

"Oh," Kurt turned to Hermione, "she's next on my list, wait for me."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Fine but be quick."

"Neville, get Harry's cloak and follow Draco," he instructed the boy, "Come find me when he enters the room of requirement."

"Not a problem," he rolled his eyes but suddenly his face went ashen, "I have plans with Mandy later-"

"Leave Miranda to me."

Neville smirked, "is it wrong that I'm a little afraid for her?"

Kurt held Neville's cheek in his palm, "I will see you later."

Hermione had both her hands on her hips as she waited impatiently for him, "You know I don't have all my life to spend waiting for you."

"I will never understand why you and Charles don't get along," Kurt threw his arm over her shoulders, "You're basically the same person."

"I'm not a pretentious hipster," she shot back.

Kurt chuckled, "if I gave you my glasses then you'd be more hipster than Hipster Weasley… and it's in his name."

"Not true," Hermione shook her head, "it's in his name!"

"So," he gestured to her outfit, "Are you on your way to chop some wood?"

She looked down at herself, "what's wrong with what I'm wearing? You said you liked these jeans."

"The boots and flannel make you look like a Norwegian lumberjack," Kurt giggled, "or a lesbian if you get rid of the hair." He tilted his head to observed her, "a Norwegian lumberjack who will throw me over his shoulder and carry me away into the wilderness."

"There is something seriously wrong with you," she rolled her eyes.

"What is it now?"

"You can't keep your sexual fantasies to yourself," she rolled her eyes, "I'm almost certain that your next statement was going to be about how you and Charles role play that."

"If we know one thing about me, it is that I am a virgin," Kurt shook his head, "So, no, we don't roleplay anything." Kurt was silent for a moment, "at least not yet."

"Do you have something planned?" Hermione leaned in close, her voice barely a whisper, "are you two going to try and make little hipster babies?"

"Well, I don't want to die a virgin like Cedric," Kurt shook his head, "that poor handsome boy."

"He deserved better," Hermione shook her head.

"He deserved me," the pair chorused.

"You?" Kurt quirked a curious brow.

"I wouldn't have let him die a virgin," Hermione shrugged.

Kurt glared at her, "what was I supposed to do? Pull his pants down in the graveyard and get busy with it?"

"You should not have made him wait that long," Hermione shook her head, "shame on you."

"Oh, shut up," Kurt turned from his best friend to the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeon, "Fideliter."

"Tracey Anne!" Hermione called out as they entered the Slytherin Dungeon, "Tracey Anne Davies!"

"My middle name isn't-" she let out a defeated sigh, "what do you want Granger?"

"I want to hang out," she gestured to Kurt, "I don't know what he wants."

"I need you to come with me to see Professor McGonagall," Kurt grabbed her arm and pulled her into a standing position, "very important business and it simply cannot wait."

"And you need me?" she furrowed her brow, "to go see Professor McGonagall with you?"

"Well, of course," Kurt smiled malevolently, "you're going to be Head Girl."

"Her?"

"Yes Hermione," he nodded, "her."

"I'll believe it when I see it," she rolled her eyes.

Kurt smirked, "if you come with us, then you'll see it."

"You don't have to ask me twice," she huffed, crossing her arms.

Tracey mirrored her body language, "me, you do have to ask me."

Kurt hooked arms with Tracey and smiled at her, "Tracey Davies, please would you be so kind as to join me in a meeting with Professor McGonagall in her office?"

"This better not get me killed," she grumbled, "let's go."

They three hooked up arms and skipped out of the Slytherin common room, navigating the dungeon corridors and up the stairs till they came to the transfiguration quad. Kurt knocked on the transfiguration master's office door and waited to be invited in.

"Ms Davies, Ms Granger, Mr Hummel," Professor McGonagall furrowed her brow, "However can I help you?"

"Professor-"

"Wait," she raised a silencing finger, "I do have a condition, I will not be sharing your exam results with you." She crossed her arms indignantly, "You three will have to wait for your results to be released officially before you find out who was the top student."

"It was me," Kurt smirked, "I was the top student."

"Don't be so sure," Tracey challenged him.

Kurt shook his head, "I'm certain, I would stake my life on the matter."

"If that is all," the deputy headmistress gestured for them to leave.

"Not even the main event," Kurt pursed his lips, "during the course of the day, the dark mark will appear above the castle-"

"Do you know what you are saying?" the woman gaped at him.

"Yes."

"How would you know this?"

"I have many ways of knowing things," Kurt rolled his eyes, "none of which matter at this moment. You simply have to trust me, Professor Dumbledore trusts me and so should you."

"Then why bring the matter to me?"

"Professor Dumbledore has stepped out for a moment and he is unfindable," Kurt explained, his irritation growing, "So, as Deputy Headmistress, the onus to protect the castle and the student body falls on you."

"Very well," she nodded.

"When the dark mark appears I need the student body evacuated in a very particular way," Kurt explained, "Juniors in Gryffindor tower with Professor Flitwick and yourself. Seniors in the Slytherin Dungeon with Professors Slughorn and Sprout."

"We have a tradition-"

"A tradition which will endanger all the Gryffindor students for when the Death Eaters go looking for Harry Potter," Kurt shook his head, "Besides, Ravenclaw isn't secure! Any old boob can solve a riddle."

"Not Harry Potter," Hermione chuckled.

"Hermione," Tracey reprimanded her, "not the time or the place."

"And someone needs to look out for the Hufflepuffs," Kurt shook his head, "they're hopeless on their own."

"Cedric wasn't hopeless," Tracey countered.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "And where is he now, dead because he did the right thing and protected Harry Potter. The Hufflepuff students need to be kept somewhere they can't sacrifice themselves because it's the right thing to do. The Gryffindors' bravery needs to be moderated and the same goes for the Slytherin students' instinct for self-preservation."

"The four houses will moderate each other," Tracey nodded.

"Tracey is in charge of Prefect assignments so you two can sort that out together," Kurt continued to explain, "Neville will sound an alarm when the time is right and you'll make an announcement, those air raid ones from the second world war."

"And where will you be during all of this?"

"I, along with a small group of volunteers, will be making sure the halls are clear," Kurt smiled, "Someone has to make sure that Gryffindor sixth years don't get themselves killed."

Professor McGonagall smirked, "best of luck with that. I hope you can keep Mr Potter on his leash."

"First I have to find him," Kurt rolled his eyes, "Where is Harry?"

~0~

Harry:

Harry had, over time, become practiced at apparition; he didn't vomit nor did he feel like he might have permanent brain damage but he would not have turned down a gin and tonic. Harry was not to proud to admit that he had fallen down somewhere in the transition from the perfectly flat masonry of the Astronomy Tower to the uneven, rocky cliffside. Professor Dumbledore had shown him up with grace that nearly rivalled that of one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, not that Harry would be stupid enough to mention that to the aforementioned Slytherin prefect.

His nostrils were assaulted by the saline spray of the tide as it came in against the cliff. The wind whipped viciously through Harry's hair and he knew that Kurt had let his non-regulation haircut slide, he had to hold himself back from laughing at how it made Dumbledore's hair flow luxuriously like the heroine in a movie. The elderly man helped him to his feet, making sure to use his good hand- probably not wanting Harry to know that it had gotten much worse.

"Where are we?" Harry looked out at the angry ocean but saw no distinguishing features, not that he had travelled enough to tell the difference between Cornwall and the French Riviera, "Don't I need an indemnity form for this?"

"You literally begged to come with me," Dumbledore stared him down.

"Got it," Harry nodded to himself, "Not the time or the place."

"Just as my humour is lost on you," the elderly man spoke as they climbed the uneven pathway, "My humour is beyond you."

Harry smirked to himself, "it could be worse, my only sense of humour could be references to things I've said at an earlier stage."

"Or pop culture references from twenty years into the future."

"Okay," harry held up a silencing finger, "Let's not get too meta."

Professor Dumbledore produced his wand, dragging it across the palm of his wounded hand so deep that it penetrated beyond the stony exterior of rotted flesh to draw blood. He rubbed his bleeding palm on a wall of jagged rocks and they started to fall.

"Professor," Harry looked up at his counterpart, "You should have let me."

"No Harry," he shook his head, "your blood is much to valuable."

"Well," Harry sucked at his teeth, "I wish you'd told me that before I let Ron and Neville steal it in my sleep."

"What?"

"Kurt sent them," Harry dismissed the headmaster's concerns, "and I woe him a blood debt."

They gazed into the darkness of the cave, Professor Dumbledore took a deep breath, "Do you remember my conditions for bringing you with me?"

"Yes," Harry nodded, "Do as you say, leave you if necessary."

"Well," the headmaster took a deep breath, "I owe a cock to Asclepius, please ensure that he gets it."

Harry shook his head, "I don't know what that means."

"You will soon enough."

Harry rolled his eyes and chucked it up to something else that he would be informed of at the appropriate time. He gestured to the dark cave, "After you, I'll be the torch and you can be the fight."

"Very well," the snow haired man entered the cave and waved for him to follow.

"Lumos Maxima," Harry whipped his wand and threw a ball of light some feet ahead of them. They walked down the narrow pathway that led them deeper into the cave, Harry would throw another ball of light whenever they got closer to the former.

Harry was reminded more and more of the Chamber of Secrets the deeper into the cave they ventured, his wondering manifested as his friend's voice rattling in his mind, 'Did the Chamber of Secrets fashion itself more similarly to this cave, or was the cave fashioned to mirror the Chamber?'

Harry shook Hermione's voice from his mind and invited Kurt or Ron, they more often looked at what they had and found answers. Hermione often wanted to be certain before she made any assumptions, Ron was all assumptions and Kurt like to extrapolate; Kurt had said that the diary was his first horcrux, based on how normal the memory of Tom Riddle had looked and the fact that Tom himself had called it a memory. Kurt had also called it unrefined, offering some nonsense explanation for his conclusion that the diary must have been his first; Harry wished that either he or Dumbledore had the wisdom to bring Kurt with them, or at least tell him where they were going.

Harry thought of every inkling of magic that existed in his body, every morsel of magic that he had living within in him and hoped that Kurt could hear his heart calling out to him. Harry stopped walking when Professor Dumbledore held his arm out to stop him from walking into the underground lake that they'd come to.

"What now?" he heard himself asking.

The headmaster smirked and started walking back and forth on the shore of the lake, "what was it you said of Voldemort and yourself to Kurt?"

Harry furrowed his brow but the memory came to him when the Headmaster stopped pacing, "that we're both stupid?"

"Yes," Dumbledore held out his hand and ripples danced over the surface of the black water as a previously invisible chain made itself visible. A rowboat attached to the chain surfaced and Harry's awe escaped in a gasp, "He wanted to check on it."

"Because it means something to him," Harry nodded more for his own understanding than anything else. He smirked, "we're lucky to have him."

"Kurt has proved time and time again that he knows the Dark Lord better than anyone else," the man nodded as they climbed into the rowboat, "Keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times."

Harry smirked and channelled his best Kurt impression, "I prefer my water chlorinated, thank you very much."

"You're improving," the headmaster noted as their vessel started to make its way across the river.

Harry quietly recalled every defensive and offensive spell that Kurt had taught to him; he had them all at his disposal, as well as Tracey Davis' vial of liquid luck if he needed additional help. Harry took a swig of liquid courage from his flask, the whiskey burned his throat and his fears. Their boat docked on an island made of crystals in the centre of the lake and he followed Dumbledore onto the island.

The only thing on the island was a basin of emerald green potion that would have matched the Dark Lord's Slytherin robes perfectly. Harry fought down a laugh at how he had called himself an aficionado of potions but could not recognise this brew by sight or smell as Theodore Knott, Lisa or Kurt had managed during their first Potions lesson of the year. There were no distinguishing features to the potion, almost as if it was intended to be mistaken for something else.

"Professor," Harry spoke first, "I should drink the potion, we need you to get back to school."

"That is how it might appear," he smiled, "but you are schooled in apparition as well now, and there is the chance that it might be poisonous."

"And-"

"Neither can live while the other survives," Professor Dumbledore spoke the word at him and it mad Harry's intestines twist. The elderly man didn't know that Kurt had contaminated the prophecy! A n ugly feeling twisted deep within his bowl and he knew it to be resentment, he resented Kurt for making Dumbledore believe that he might need to die in order to save Harry and ensure the destruction of Voldemort.

"Professor," Harry pleaded, not knowing how to reveal Kurt's truth, "Please."

"Harry," he shook his head, "this is my portion."

Harry felt the resentment coil inside him, "maybe you can summon it."

Dumbledore guffawed and harry felt smaller, "for your sake." He held his hand over the basin of potion, "accio Horcrux."

Nothing happened and the headmaster moved to scoop his first cupful of potion, "Let me try."

Dumbledore quirked a curious brow, "by all means."

"Venir," Harry thought of the diary and the ring as hard as he could, picturing the crevice under the basin. Nothing happened but he tried again and harder, "Venir! Venir! Venir?"

"The object we're summoning is unfindable," the headmaster smiled, "but I am glad that you're confident enough in your education to believe your knowledge greater than mine."

Harry blushed, "Kurt's curriculum is more sound and consistent."

"So I've heard," the man chuckled before downing the first cupful of potion. The headmaster bent over in pain but just as soon got back up, he would repeat this cycle to Harry's amazement.

This would be when Kurt would feed him more, Harry snatched the crystal cup the man had conjured from his frail hand and charged his glass with a second helping of emerald potion. He considered drinking it himself but an aching in the pit of his stomach told him that it wouldn't work that way, told him that both he and Professor Dumbledore would be weakened if he drank the potion.

Harry took a deep breath and reminded himself that the sorting hat had wanted to put him in Slytherin, he wanted to live! He wanted to leave this cage and build a family with Lisa, Aunt Petunia might not like him but she would like Lisa and their children. Harry pulled on that sliver of self-preservation that was buried deep inside him and held the cup up to Professor Dumbledore's lips, "Drink."

Harry's success meant that he might have to try harder for the next dosage. He imagined number twelve Grimmauld Place, restored to par with number thirteen, and his family filling the rooms of the townhouse as he had witnessed the Weasleys doing so. His family of strawberry blond children loving him and making him feel welcome- punishing him- just as the Hummels had when he was hungover.

Harry took a deep breath, held Professor Dumbledore's nose closed and forced him to swallow the third cup of potion. The man cried out for relief, for release but Harry knew he had to power through these demands. He closed his eyes and imagined Kurt, Hermione, Ron, Finn, Luna, Neville and their partners hoisting a tent behind the Burrow and drinking very strong Gin and Tonics.

Harry smiled, used his wand to gather all the remaining liquid into the crystal cup with a whispered incantation, "Jame."

Harry held the cup to the headmaster's lips but he turned his head and the potion spilled. The basin was filled with the same amount of potion and he thanked the Dark Lord for his generosity, scooping it all up with a repetition of the same incantation. He thought of little Lily and James running around number twelve, Kurt's voice scolded him for naming his children after strangers. Harry tried again, little Minerva…

He grabbed Dumbledore by the jaw and held his mouth open, he poured the potion into his mouth and then forced it shut. Harry held his hand over the headmaster's nose and mouth, trying to sing 'Catch a falling star' as many times as he could before needing to draw breath. Harry drew a deep breath and wiped the tears from his face, how was it that this wasn't the worst thing he had done?

"Harry" a broken voice called out to him, barely above a whisper.

He remembered that his pain had been in his head, whereas someone had experienced physical pain, "Yes Professor?"

"Water."

Harry didn't think about it twice, he got to his feet and walked to the basin, "Aguamenti." He smiled in Professor Flitwick's place; in an ordinary world without Voldemort, nothing Kurt taught him would be necessary at this stage in his life. He tried to scoop a glass of water but it fell through his cup, not a drop caught by the crystal cup.

Harry moved to the water's edge and once more he heard his best friend's voice, the water could have cholera. He looked at the crystal cup and wanted to punch himself, he pointed his wand into the cup and recited the incantation for the water making spell. The cup filled with water and Harry grinned to himself, he wasn't the dumbest person on the planet.

He held the cup to Professor Dumbledore's lips and he finished it in a single gulp, refilled the cup and they repeated the process a number of times. The man held his hand out for a fifth cup and Harry shook his head, "you'll wet the bed. Let's get back to school, Madam Pomphrey will sort you out."

"The Horcrux," Dumbledore reminded him.

Harry returned to the basin and from the water he had filled the basin with, he pulled a necklace set with a heavy gold pendent with emeralds set in a 's' shape and put it in his pocket. He helped the headmaster to his feet and led him back to the boat, "My inner Kurt says to stay far from the water."

"My inner Kurt agrees," Professor Dumbledore chuckled weakly.

They sailed the ship to the other side of the lake in comfortable silence and Harry helped the weakened headmaster out of the boat, they climbed the makeshift stairway out of the cave and back into the saline air.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore was leaning heavily on him, "You must return us to Hogsmead."

"Me?"

"I don't have it in me to return to the school grounds," he explained, "and only I can do that." He took a deep breath, "you know Hogsmead, picture it in your mind."

Harry took a deep breath, picturing the corner where the homeless man who dressed in Kurt's clothes stood. He closed his eyes and concentrated so hard he was certain he would have permanent brain damage, "Fuck it, let's go."

Harry's world twisted as it had every time that he had practiced apparition but this time he was in the eye of the storm. His feet touched down on main road and to his surprise, he hadn't startled anyone. There was something more pressing holding every resident of Hogsmead's attention. He followed their line of sight and it came to rest on the Astronomy Tower from which they had departed, over it hung the dark mark.

"Harry-"

He shook his head, "Kurt has it in control."

"No," Dumbledore shook his head, pulling himself toward himself despite his weakened state, "he needs me."

Hope you like it!