Ch. 40
Starscream couldn't count how many... hmm... what had he been counting...? Whatever it was, he couldn't count them. He knew it was more than six... Six was a number... That much he remembered...
The seeker teetered to the side in his chair, "I dunno what you es'pect..." he slurred, "Spiders... they skitter, so you can't trust'em..."
Megatron glared at the mech, grumbling, "You don't say."
Starscream shook his helm with a little too much emphasis, "Nope. Is why you tell'em NOTHING. An' Airachnid? YOU tell HER... you tell her... Hm... No, YOU tell HER is none her business. Cause if it was her business, she would know! An' she don't know!"
The warlord folded his servos neatly on the desk, "And what doesn't she know, Starscream?"
Starscream sunk into his chair, humming, "Mm... what is she not... she doesn't know..." he glared at Megatron, "Are YOU s'pposed to know? Are you?!"
Megatron growled, "Yes, Starscream. I am."
The seeker glared for a moment longer then laughed, "Oh tha's good! I thought you were s'pposed to um... the other one..." he snapped his digits excitedly, "NOT know!"
The warlord felt a processor ache coming on. He knew that he had caused this, he knew he could've turned back after Starscream's third cube, but the mech had been difficult to crack. Now he was saying anything and everything, none of it useful.
"Why don't we focus, Starscream?" Megatron said gruffly, "Why don't you tell me... why don't you tell me how this all started? How this all began to take shape?"
Starscream frowned seriously, his optics bright, "In the beginning, there was Primus-"
Megatron snarled, "Not that far back! Focus!" the seeker quickly sat upright, despite a wobble in his posture, and the warlord spoke slower, "Tell me what Airachnid is not supposed to know. Tell me when this... knowledge... first became available to you."
Starscream clicked his glossa on the roof of his mouth, thinking hard, "Which part? Cause parts are changing now and I can't tell those parts anymore... Or can I? ... Nope, nope, not those parts..."
Megatron dug his claws into his desk, "How many parts are there?"
The seeker held up his servos, spreading his claws; after a moment, he pulled them back with a whimper, "I dun have 'nough digits! Quick! Call Knockout, I need surgery!"
The warlord's patience was wearing thin. He told himself over and over again that this was his mistake and he had to simply wait it out. Eventually, the excess chemicals in the high grade energon would burn out, making Starscream far more tired than incoherent. He just had to wait... he just had to...
"An' the worst! You know the worst?" Starscream huffed, covering his optics to press into his temples, "The worst of all this... what does it all mean? What does the point at the end of it mean?"
Megatron stayed silent, just watching.
The seeker set his servos in his lap, making fists, "You try... You make the mistakes, the ones you can't ever fix... An' what does it all become? Is a special thing, right? To know? To see it an' say 'well look, no, that isn't what we do now, we gotta fix it', but why fix it if it all means nothing? Does it mean nothing?"
The warlord spoke quietly, "Does what mean nothing?"
"Knowing..." Starscream clenched his servos tightly, "Is special, it has to be..." he snorted, laughing, "But Airachnid, she-she DOESN'T know! An' that means she... she isn't special, but she wants to be. She wants to know what I know an' she wants... she wants to kill me an' you an' everyone else, cause she doesn't know it all the way. She doesn't know... she doesn't know that she will have an END. And then she'll be GONE an' DEAD an' what will it matter?!"
"... What is at the end, Starscream?"
The seeker shuttered his optics, sighing quietly, "... A lot of anger... A lot of yelling... A lot of pain... Pain that hurts inside an' outside an' everywhere you can see... But I know," he growled, "I know it's there an' I know it's coming an' I'm not ready. I'm not ready!"
Megatron saw Starscream's chassis begin to tremble. First signs of the fatigue setting in. He had to start pushing now.
The warlord stood and went around the desk to stand in front of the mech, taking his chin and forcing his helm up to look at him, "Focus on my optics, Starscream. Focus and think carefully: when did this knowledge of the end, the pain, when did you find it?"
Starscream shook harder, whimpering, "I didn't find it... I didn't find it... I found me," he held back a hiccup as he tried to pull away, "I found me! An' it wasn't s'pposed to happen! How does that happen?! I found me!"
Megatron's grip increased and he knelt down, putting a servo around the smaller mech's throat and holding him in place at the shoulder, "WHEN?!"
The seeker winced, whining as he struggled, "S-stop! You're hurting me-"
"I will do far worse if you do not tell me when!"
"At..." Starscream gulped, his claws trying to pull away the servo at his neck, "At..." he started to go limp as he relaxed, "At the grave... I was at the grave..."
Megatron relaxed his grip around his throat, "Whose grave?"
The seeker whimpered again, his mouth clamping shut. The warlord scowled. His optics darted from left to right as he tried hard to remember. When had Stasrcream begun to act differently? When had he...
Megatron slowly sneered, chuckling, "At Skyquake's grave. When you tried to resurrect him with dark energon. Unicron's connection gave me many bits and pieces," he dropped the smaller mech back into the chair and loomed over him, grabbing the armrests, "and he felt your attempt at such a feat. But you, your spark," he latched his claws onto Starscream's chest plate, making the mech cry out in pain as his claws dug in, "your SPARK! The ember that makes up every Cybertronian's very being?! It overcame the dark energon and REJECTED it! It REJECTED Unicron's very lifeblood!"
The warlord finally released the seeker and the smaller mech panted, curling into the chair, "I-I don't know what happened! It just wasn't working!"
Megatron snarled, "How did YOUR spark overcome the power of UNICRON?!"
Starscream covered his faceplates, "I don't know! All the things I know and I don't know THIS! What's wrong with me?!"
The warlord growled as he backed off, staring down at the shaking seeker, "What's wrong? You do not trust me, your leader, to guide you through," he slowly reached out a servo, extending it gently, "Don't hide anymore, Starscream. Help me steer the Decepticons to victory! Be there at my side when we reclaim Cybertron and create a new dawn, a new glory for our race!"
Starscream stared at the servo then back up at Megatron. He was tired. His processor hurt. He just wanted to rest. He wanted all of these problems to stop. And what if Megatron could stop them? What if...
The seeker trembled as he reached out slowly.
What if...
His claws ghosted passed the claws of the larger mech.
What if... just suppose...
Starscream stopped just short of taking Megatron's servo. He WAS tired. His processor DID hurt. But that didn't mean he could accept this... He couldn't. It would betray what he wanted.
In the beginning, it was all about power. What he could get, what he could control. And that was what had killed him. It came in the form of Predaking, something, no, someONE, he could never control, that he had no power over. But now, power was extending a servo, whispering promises into his audials, staring him down with bright, defying optics. And it only reminded him of how it all went wrong.
The seeker withdrew his servo and gripped the seat beneath him tightly, "You're lying... You're lying," he shook his helm, "You've been trying to get rid of me for a very long time..." he growled, letting his chassis tremble; he couldn't stop, so he just let it happen, "But I don't care. Not anymore. I will stand on a reclaimed, a revived Cybertron, Megatron, but it won't be by your side."
The warlord's optics widened as Starscream stood, the smaller mech pushing him back with what little strength he had left, "I'm NOT doing this over again! The deception, the arguments, the beatings; I won't again! I did it for too long, hoping, waiting, expecting something to come of it, and you know what came of it?! NOTHING! Nothing was my reward! But that wasn't enough, was it?! Because now-" he winced, his legs buckling as he felt his left optic blur out and something drip down his cheek plate, "n... now..."
Megatron caught the seeker as he fell, helping him to the floor and kneeling with him as he growled into his COMM for medical assistance. The warlord held the seeker's helm back to look at his optic, the orb filled with bright blue energon that was now leaking down his face. A small optical fuel line burst; not exactly life threatening. But Starscream continued to shake, his intakes coming in pants.
"You are not going to die," he heard Megatron hiss deeply, "not today, not while I still have you as my second. And you? You will tell me what you know. You will follow me into the darkest recesses or the brightest pulsars. You will stand by my side. And why will you do this? Because I know what you are. Unicron could not hide that from me. He feared what you could do because he himself could not accomplish such a thing. So while the Chaos Bringer feared the spark that could not be extinguished, I will capture it, embrace it, control it. I will never let you escape, my dear Starscream. That is not a lie; it is a promise."