Ch. 94

Starscream snarled at himself and pressed the palms of his servos against his helm, "Focus, focus!" he hissed, "If they were able to do it, so can you! Just think... Ahhh, is it about the hiccup? Or... or maybe the spark journey or... Or Megatron! Megatron has become so weird since... ... I should not have killed Unicron."

He looked around the black void, then frowned, yelling out, "Was that it?! Was that what I was supposed to realize?!"

Nothing responded back.

Starscream scowled, "Fine! I'll try a new thought... Ahhh... Breakdown! Was I supposed to let Breakdown die?"

Nothing happened.

The seeker finally, though shakily, got up and stomped his peds in annoyance, "I don't know what I'm looking for, I don't know what I'm supposed to know or figure out! Give me a hint, something, anything!"

Nothing.

Starscream squealed in anger and let his fists shake in defiance of what he was about to do. He transformed out his blasters and began rapidly firing out into the black void, hitting nothing. He transformed them away and fired both his missiles, one behind him and one above. Nothing. The seeker roared and transformed into his jet mode, pushing his engine hard. Even as he flew, he couldn't tell where he was going, if he was actually going anywhere at all.

Starscream stopped and transformed back, screaming loudly, "What am I supposed to realize?! What am I supposed to do?! Yellow realized my spark had been on a journey! Orange realized they were all figments! Green realized my spark journey didn't go the way it was supposed to! Red realized my hiccup is a reality bending life saver! And Blue realized that only I can figure this out on my own! SO WHAT DO I HAVE LEFT TO FIGURE OUT?!"

The seeker collapsed, panting raggedly. No amount of huffing and leading himself into a tantrum was going to fix this. He didn't know what to do. He was stuck.

"Fine," he growled, "So, must I begin where they did? Do I have to speculate on everything before I make my realization?"

Nothing.

"Do I need to atone for what I have previously done? The mistakes I should have made and didn't?"

Nothing.

Starscream hissed, "Must I graciously accept that this is my new confinement? That I am now to suffer loneliness and eternal woe in this black pit?"

Nothing.

The seeker began to pace, "Do I need to become an emotional wreck? Do I need to admit that I have been nothing but an idiot and a fool? Do I need to ask for forgiveness? Do I need to wish myself away?!" his voice became shrill with anger and fear, tears welling in his optics, "Do I need to beg?! Do I need to praise Primus?! Do I need to offer myself to either the Pit or the Allspark?! Do I need to drain myself of energon?! Do I need to tear out my own optics?! DO I NEED TO DIG AND CLAW OUT MY OWN SPARK?!"

Starscream fell to his knees, shouting out into the darkness, "WELL I'M NOT GOING TO! I won't BEG! I won't ask for forgiveness! I won't wish myself away! I will admit only one thing! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

The seeker let himself lean forward, sobbing loudly into the unseen ground. He went to touch his helm and seemingly missed. When he went to do so again, he glanced up and squealed, his arm partially transparent.

"I..." he whimpered, barely able to choke out a sound, "I... don't want to die..."

His arm fully disappeared and he gasped, "I don't want to die."

His chassis began to disappear and he yelled out louder, "I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I done want to die!"

Starscream kept chanting the phrase, his frame continuing to dissipate as he yelled and he cackled loudly, standing tall as he yelled upwards, "Because I'm NOT DEAD YET!"

"His pulse is skyrocketing!" Ratchet yelled, pulling equipment away to get closer to the medberth.

"You're kidding..." Knockout squeaked, his optics wide, "You're kidding!"

Breakdown rushed over with a syringe of fluids, handing it to Ratchet, "The readings are there, doc, he's waking up!"

Ratchet injected the syringe into Starscream's arm, "Breakdown, get Optimus! Knockout, I need you here!"

Both mechs rushed to their assigned jobs, the red medic helping to push fluids and pulling unnecessary equipment out of the way.

"Spark pulse rising," Knockout noted, "Processor fluctuations are at their highest. He's ready."

Ratchet nodded and took hold of a tube that was down Starscream's throat, "He better start intaking on his own. This is going to be his only shot."

The white mech began pulling the tube out as the seeker's chassis tensed up, Knockout holding down Starscream's arms before he could lash out.

Breakdown came rushing back into the room and helped him, gesturing behind him, "Doc!"

Knockout glanced up and nodded quickly, "Optimus, we can hardly believe it!"

The Prime went to the side of the berth, his optics wide, "By the Allspark..."

As the tube was finally removed from the silver mech's mouth, Starscream coughed loudly, shuddering as he collapsed back into the berth, "N-not yet... 'm not dead yet..."

Optimus smiled gently and took his servo, "No, Starscream. You are not dead yet."