SUSPENDING PLEASURES
CHAPTER 2 - LONGBOURN LOUNGERSThe news was sometimes slow to reach Longbourn as Mr. Bennet was usually more interested in the antics of ancient Greeks and Romans than those of the current London establishment. But thanks to the efforts of Mrs. Bennet's social circle, gossip went around more quickly. Hence the Bennets could usually be counted to be informed of any interesting goings-on in the court, as well as news that affected any of the locals, rather sooner than later.
So, eventually the Bennet family sat in the parlour sipping tea and discussing dangerous diseases with their guests, Sir William Lucas, Lady Lucas and their two eldest daughters.
Lady Lucas had received a letter from a London friend who knew someone who knew someone who had become desperately ill due to a new, dangerous disease. A new dangerous disease was a matter of some interest for everyone present so there were a lot of questions. Unfortunately answers were in a shorter supply.
Lady Lucas thought the person might be about to recover but she could not be sure, and when Mrs. Bennet wanted to know whether the person had been attended to by a proper doctor or just an apothecary that question was also left unresolved.
Miss Mary Bennet interrogated Lady Lucas about whether the person had been about to die or merely very ill, and whether a priest had been called to administer to the person, but she could not say for certain. After Sir William had given some thought to the matter, everyone agreed that a person who recovers from their illness may be less ill to begin with than a person who dies.
Mr. Bennet wanted to know more about the symptoms of the disease but the Lucases could not tell them very much about them either. There might be fever, lightheadedness, coughing, or some other signs, or possibly none of those things.
"Nevertheless, it is a terrible disease," Lady Lucas concluded.
"Yes, definitely a most horrid one," Mrs. Bennet nodded.
Miss Catherine inquired how to avoid getting the disease. It was generally thought to be an excellent question but no one had an equal quality answer. Clearly one should avoid associating with persons who were sick, but apparently it was possible to contract the disease without any interactions with any obviously ailing persons, so this was hardly helpful.
"The Prince Regent has decided to practice social distancing," Lady Lucas said. "He does not want to get it from anybody, so he does not associate with as many people."
"I wonder if anyone feels the loss," Mr. Bennet said.
Miss Lydia wanted to know how many people had died because of the new disease. Sir William had read the headlines in the Times just that morning so he felt qualified to answer that one. "At least sixty," he said. "Although there is no test so it may sometimes be difficult for doctors to tell if people have died of the new disease or some of the old ones."
"I would not like to die of a boring old disease," Miss Lydia said.
"I am sure you can manage to die of something strange and exciting if you try hard enough," her father said.
Miss Elizabeth Bennet was curious. "If there is no test, how do the doctors know that it is a new disease?"
"I do not know," Sir William said. "Maybe it is because new people are dying, people who have never died before."
"It would certainly save some trouble if the people dying had had more practice doing it," Mr. Bennet said. "That way they could achieve true proficiency."
Everyone was silent for a moment. Finally Mrs. Bennet exclaimed. "Oh, Mr. Bennet, you are funning again. Whoever would want true proficiency in death?"
"Dying seems an awfully messy process," Mr. Bennet said. "Maybe people could handle it more elegantly with more experience."
"Capital, capital," said Sir William.
"Why, that is pure nonsense," Mrs. Bennet said. "Why would anyone care about being elegant after they're dead?"
"Our reputation might precede us into the land of the dead," Mr. Bennet said.
"It certainly does," said Miss Mary Bennet piously. Whether she missed the jesting nature of Mr. Bennet's conversation or chose to disregard it, no one was ever sure. "Our names have been written in the Book of Life, and when we pass to the other world they will know us by our deeds and by our faith."
"Thank you, Mary," Miss Bennet said. "I hope we will all get a good word spoken for us when we die."
"I hope it will not be necessary for a long while yet," remarked Miss Lucas.
"We are certainly all too busy to die," announced Miss Lydia Bennet. "There is so much to do to get ready for the Netherfield ball."
"I need some new ribbons for my dress," Miss Catherine Bennet remembered suddenly.
"Oh yes," said Miss Maria Lucas. "So do I."
"Which dress are you wearing," Miss Lydia asked.
"The yellow one I got made last spring," Miss Maria Lucas said. "I might alter it."
"You should lower the neckline," Miss Lydia said.
Lady Lucas started coughing violently.
"No, Maria, you should not," Miss Lucas said. It was evident from her tone that they had had this conversation before, and might have it again.
The coughing continued and everyone except Miss Lydia got concerned that Lady Lucas was choking on her scone. Sir William hit his wife in the back twice, then a third time, more forcefully. A tiny piece of scone shot out of her mouth and she took a big gulp of breath.
"Are you all right, Mother?" Miss Lucas asked.
"I am fine, thank you," Lady Lucas said, a little hoarsely. "I do not know what happened there but I am sure it was not the least bit elegant."
"As long as you are fine, capital, capital," said Sir William.
"We are all blessed," Miss Mary said.
Mrs. Bennet was indeed feeling very blessed and extremely grateful that Lady Lucas had recovered, because a dead body in the parlour in the middle of a friendly tea hour would be such an inconvenience, and of course it would have been a terrible blow to her reputation as a hostess if it became known that her scones had killed a guest. And what would the neighbours think if the Bennets attended the Netherfield ball so soon after the death of a guest in their house? Would it seem cold to carry on celebrating, even if the deceased was not a relative?
Of course, Lady Lucas was also a dear, dear friend and to think of the grief - it was unthinkable.
"Jane, can I borrow your blue necklace for the ball?" Miss Catherine asked.
"Yes, if you wish, Kitty, of course you can," Miss Bennet said.
"No, you certainly cannot," said Mrs. Bennet. "Jane needs to look her best, and everyone else can get whatever is left after Jane is done."
"Yes, mama," Miss Elizabeth said, "I am sure we will manage to be tolerable without Jane's jewelry."
"What fun we are going to have," said Miss Catherine. "I hope all the officers will be there."
"Captain Carter is so handsome," Miss Lydia said.
"Oh yes," sighed Miss Maria. "So handsome."
"But penniless, I imagine," Sir William said.
"Young men are always more attractive if they do not have a feather to fly with," Mr. Bennet said. "It is a well known fact."
"Oh Papa," Miss Lydia sighed, "we do not go to the ball to covet his feathers, we just want to dance."
"The purpose of a ball is to have fun," Miss Catherine said.
"There will be so much fun," Miss Maria echoed.
It fell upon Miss Mary to remind them all that their Lord and Creator would not wish them to spend the majority of their time on such frivolous amusements.
Mrs. Bennet was shocked. "Frivolous! Fun! Girls, you know perfectly well that there is a very serious purpose: a ball is a great opportunity to meet eligible gentlemen."
"I do hope there will be some new faces," Lady Lucas said.
"Perhaps Mr. Bingley has invited some of his single friends from London," Mrs. Bennet said.
"If they are all as eager to please as his friend Mr. Darcy, we are going to have such a splendid evening," Miss Elizabeth replied.
"There will be many officers, I am sure," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Most of the officers cannot support a family," Mr. Bennet remarked.
"How lucky that we have you to support us, Papa" Miss Catherine said.
"You will not have your father forever," Mrs. Bennet said sternly. "It is your duty to marry well so we do not end up in the hedgerows when that odious cousin overtakes the estate."
"Thank you, dear," Mr. Bennet responded drily. "I had almost forgotten that I was mortal, and I was due another reminder."
"We are all mortals, enduring this earthly life in the hope of a greater reward in Heaven," Miss Mary said. Everyone ignored her, but she carried on regardless. "One day we will meet our Maker and He will want to know whether we spent our days doing good deeds or dancing."
"Mama, shall I ring for more tea?" Miss Bennet asked.
"Yes, please," Lady Lucas said. "I would love another cup."
"One day we will all die, so we might just as well eat some more scones now," Miss Lydia said.
"They are to die for," Miss Maria said.
"Excellent scones, Mrs. Bennet," Sir William said. "They are extraordinarily delicious."
"Why, thank you, Sir William," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Of course your scones are always excellent," he added. "I do not mean to say..."
"Of course," Mrs. Bennet said benevolently. "No one has ever complained about the quality of the scones in this household, and they have certainly never attempted to kill anyone before."
"Capital, capital," Sir William exclaimed.
Mrs. Hill entered with additional tea things, and the conversation ebbed for a while as everybody busied themselves with getting their cups filled and deliberating whether they wanted to eat more. Lady Lucas refused politely, but the others were braver and defied potential death eating some more scones.
"Nothing is better than spending time with good friends," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Certainly," Sir William said. "You are so right... only..." He drifted off.
"Only what, dear?" Lady Lucas asked.
"I was just thinking about that Times article about the disease. They wrote that the government advises us to limit social contacts to avoid contracting the disease."
"Oh yes, but nobody is sick here, poor Jane is quite recovered by now." Mrs. Bennet was not excessively concerned. "The disease is spreading in London, so we should have nothing to worry about."
"Capital, capital," Sir William said. "But if Mr. Bingley invites friends from London to the ball, who knows what diseases they arrive with..."
"Oh, I am sure Mr. Bingley would not be so thoughtless,"Mrs. Bennet exclaimed.
"I am not certain it is wise to attend," Mr. Bennet said. "Mayhap we should beware of strangers bearing infections."
"Oh Papa," Miss Catherine cried out. "If you do not like balls you do not have to come, but we have been waiting for this for so long."
"Perhaps Mr. Bingley will cancel it altogether," Miss Lucas said.
"Oh no!" Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas exclaimed in unison.
"Where would any of the girls meet any gentlemen if there are no social engagements?" Lady Lucas asked.
"We are never getting married if we die of an infection," Miss Lucas said.
"I am sure Mr. Bingley does not mean to cancel the ball," Mrs. Bennet said. "He has asked Jane for the first dance."
"Let them cancel London balls," Miss Lydia said. "No one cares about stupid London balls. But we are so far from London it would be quite unfair to cancel the only amusement we have had in ages."
"If there is an order to limit social contacts, surely a ball would be the first thing to go. Everyone can suspend that pleasure without coming to any undue harm." Mr. Bennet did not seem overly distressed about this prospect.
Neither did Miss Mary. "Cancelling the ball would give us time to reflect on our true values in life. Which is more important, a reel or our immortal souls?"
"If it is true that one can get this disease from people who are not visibly ill, it will certainly be difficult to know who to avoid in a crowded ballroom, and this order to decrease all contacts would make sense," Miss Elizabeth said.
"Surely it is more like a guideline than an actual rule," Miss Lydia said.
"This policy was not invented by anyone with five unmarried daughters," Mrs. Bennet said darkly.