Cherchez la Femme

by cleopatra champagne

Bella Swan is wholly unaware that her real father is not Charlie Swan, but Billy Black. And Rosalie Hale is wholly unprepared to become the imprint of the clueless and clumsy new girl in Forks. — Rosalie x Bella. AU.

12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

---

BELLA

---

After my drunken night, I dreamt of snow falling on cedars and the flashes of fur and gilded eyes in the golden light of daybreak.

I woke up on Billy's creaky couch with a groan escaping my chapped, gross lips. I thought I may be dying. Maybe I should've paid more attention to school assemblies and underage drinking public service announcements.

Forcing my eyes to face the ruthless, relentless sun, I started the lengthy, nauseating process of sitting up and making an attempt to get my bearings.

What did I drink last night? Moonshine?

My mouth was dry and tasted like fermented cabbage. My head pounded like a barrel of monkeys fighting over a bucket of firecrackers. To top it off, I was pretty certain if I moved too fast I would hurl on a level rivaling The Exorcist.

But still, I forced myself to my aching feet and decided to find Jacob and check on him before getting home as quickly as possible. All I could think about was how Charlie would kill me if he found out. Or worse: send me away from Forks. To Florida, away from my pack, away from where Rosalie would return to me.

I had heard him talking about it with my mom, but I always shoved it into the back of my mind and refused to let it resurface.

I jumped when my phone rang, and hastily fumbled to find it. I didn't know the number on the screen, but I held my breath and answered it anyway.

"Bella, Bella is that you?" whispered the voice I missed most. My heart seized and my throat constricted. It was Rose and she was alive and she was calling me and, albeit distorted, it was her voice.

"Rosalie," I gasped out. Being able to speak to her at long last felt like a bucket of ice water poured over my head and snapping me into an alert state.

She replied quietly, "Thank God. I missed you so much. I wanted to talk to you but… I wasn't brave enough."

"Where are you? I'll get there as fast as I can." I could not hide my frantic tone if I wanted too.

I knew what would happen next the moment the words left my dehydrated lips. Rosalie's soft sigh on the other line spoke volumes, especially since vampires did not need to breathe.

"It's too dangerous for you to come here right now. I'm with Amunet and with the Volturi and her and—"

"I don't care about the danger!"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt over me." Before I could argue, Rosalie said, "Bella, there are so many things I want to say to you but… but I don't know how. I think about you all the time but I never can figure out the words to describe what's in my heart."

"Try. Please, for me, try."

"I want to but I'm afraid… I'm afraid you'll never look at me the same way again."

My own vehemence surprised me as I fiercely insisted, "Nothing, nothing, could ever change the way I look at you or the way I feel about you."

Her response was painfully cold and embittered. "Because of love or biology?"

"Are you angry? It's okay to be angry about this whole imprinting thing. I know it's a rough… it's been rough for plenty of people."

"I don't mind being your imprint. You're my mate, after all. Nothing in this world is going to end this interspecies liaison. But… it's…" She trailed off and even my wolf instincts were at a loss. It was hard to properly sense her over the telephone. "I'm not angry. I'm… lost."

"Lost?"

"Bella, I need to follow this path to its end. You know in your heart that I'll be back once I figure this out, and then we have all of eternity together." I knew she was sincere, but my nostrils flared all the same. "I think maybe it's a good time for you to find yourself too, before we're mated for life. Because you are extraordinary, and I'm not sure you can be extraordinary if you're devoted to me with no choice. It's unfair to both of us, but almost entirely you. My head is… there's just..: there's a war in there. I need you to think this through and we can be whole people who love each other instead of just two halves taped together."

"You're asking me to be rational. I can't be. Not about you. I wish I could make my feelings go away long enough to figure out who I am on my own, but I can't."

"I can't be rational about you either! I'm not even supposed to be calling you! I stole a phone because I'm weak, so I weak, and I never stop thinking about you, even when I sleep, but I need..: I need this, and I'll forgive you if you… I want to be with you until the end of time."

"Then come home."

"I can't. Not until I see this through. All my life, my soul sought a thing it could not name."

"Your destiny?"

"Myself. Who I am. What it all means. If it means anything. Ever since we faced Amunet, I just don't know who the fuck I am anymore."

"Don't let s taste of human blood push you this far!"

"It wasn't the taste of human blood, it was the taste of that thing, that something, that my soul has been looking for, and I need to know where and why and…"

"You had a taste of being special. But you're special without some stupid destiny or anyone telling you that you are. My dad always told me that some people are really good at making their targets feel more important to them than they really are. And you are exactly as important to me as I hope you can feel."

"I know Amunet is manipulative—"

The next words came out of my mouth as viciously as a wolf bite. "I'm not talking about Amunet. I'm talking about you."

She instantly, and probably fairly, flipped from apologetic to enraged. "About me?"

"If I was really as important to you as you made… make me feel, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I love you. I love you as much as the moon loves the sun, as much as death loves the innocent, and as much as any two people have ever loved each other before. But love requires trust, and I need you to trust me for a little while longer. Please."

I wanted to rant and rave and take out my anger. I wanted to tell her that if she really loved me, it was not in a way I understood. My human side hated her right now.

But my wolf side? It heard something in her voice. And it remembered prom, when I noticed how she danced and kissed and spoke like someone who never truly felt loved and was forced to improvise. My wolf side felt she needed me but was not open enough to acknowledge it.

"I love you too. Rose, tell me where you are. I'll come alone. I won't tell anyone. I'm worried about you and I miss you so bad it's tearing me apart."

"Okay." To my great shock, she relented, seemingly sans any remaining reservations. "I'm in California right now but we move every few nights. I need to look up…"

The sudden silence made my stomach twist and my heart leap into my throat.

I pressed my phone so hard to my ear that it hurt my cheekbone.

"Rose! Rosalie! Talk to me!"

"Someone's coming. I'll contact you next time I get a chance."

"Rose…?"

But all she did was whisper a few words derived from the Christian confession of sin. "For what I have done and for what I have failed to do, I am so sorry."

"Rose!"

Click. End of call. I could not breathe until I involuntarily release a wordless cry of rage so strong that I need to take deep breaths when it at last ends.

I did not think anything could make me feel worse than my hangover, but Rosalie proved that supposition wrong. Everything hurt, both physically and emotionally, as I started gathering my belongings that were currently scattered about Jacob's house.

Nervous energy clashed with dehydrated fatigue as I packed up. I wanted to run to my imprint's rescue yet could not. My body shook and head spiraled with the need to run somewhere, anywhere, just run and run.

My mind was lost in agonizing thoughts of Rosalie and the fuzziness of a killer headache as I dragged myself around. But I snapped to attention when I heard the heavy creak of wheels on old wood behind me.

Slowly, I turned around to see the man I only recently discovered was my father.

Billy took a slow breath and examined me. It felt like he could see into my soul. I squirmed uncomfortably until he spoke.

"There is a story from our tribe I think you need to hear. A boy sees a very dangerous and venomous snake in his village. He takes a stick, but rather than kill the snake, guides it away into the forest. He follows the snake for many days and many miles. He even helps keep the snake fed and safe. Finally, they are out in the great desert. The snake becomes hungry and bites the boy. As the boy lies there dying, the snake becomes curious and asks why the boy followed him like a fool. The boy replies, did I follow you, or did I lead you away from the people I love?"

I frowned. He was as difficult to understand as Charlie, but in a different way.

"That's a long way to go just to die," I said.

Billy shrugged.

I felt a pang of guilt. "Thank you for the story. And for noticing what's going on with me."

"I'm just doing my job. I'm not a stranger to grief."

Grief.

It was a word I had been hiding from for far too long.

It was different from heartache or homesickness. Heavier than guilt and more painful than panic.

There were people I missed when they were gone. But there were also people I was so tangled up in that they cut off a piece of me when they left.

Rosalie Hale was the latter.

I awkwardly waved to Billy, strung my bag over my shoulder and headed to the front door.

Even in my addled and emotional state, the moment I opened the front door, I felt strongly as if I had stepped into something very intimate.

Jacob and Leah were sitting close together, talking more quietly than I ever had heard my half-brother talk to anyone before.

They moved apart from each other when I stepped onto the porch into the unforgiving sunlight. I wondered why Leah blushed. We read each other's minds on the regular and I had no indication that she was keeping a secret.

My hungover brain certainly could not process it, but I was uncomfortable nonetheless.

"Ugh, why is it so… daytime?" I groaned, breaking the tense silence.

"I failed science last year. I'm the wrong person to ask," joked Jacob. "Maybe the Sun just hates you? It would explain why you're so pale.

I managed a weak but genuine chuckle in the few seconds of happiness I felt before my stomach sank again as I remembered Rosalie.

Leah laughed and hit his shoulder. Something about it sunk my heart into my stomach.

I couldn't help but blurt out, "Rosalie called me."

Their heads snapped up to face me with wide eyes. I could not blame them for their reaction.

"What did she say?" asked Leah, sounding much more sympathetic than I had heard her be to anyone in a long time.

I sighed, both appreciating it and hating it simultaneously.

"Nothing I haven't heard before. I don't think she can say much with those awful leeches around," I lied, immediately realizing that I had yet to truly process the conversation at all. Maybe I didn't want to. With a soft sigh and a shuffle of my feet, I added, "I should get home."

Leah sat up straight with her shoulders rolled back, her expression shifting from sweet to steely in less than a split second.

Her jaw jutted as she stared me down and said forcefully, "It's a three day weekend. You can't just lie in your bed and wallow. Jacob and I won't allow it."

"Sam said something about wanting a camping trip," Jacob added, shooting Leah a smile that was different than his usual, but I did not currently have the capacity to investigate.

I stared at my closest friends in disbelief. Hiking was one thing. Sleeping in the woods for a weekend was another entirely. I was raised as an indoor kid. I had always preferred books to bikes and my soft bed to the hard cold ground. When I was twelve I went to sleepaway camp for the Girl Scouts.

After a few mosquito bites and a cold walk to the bathroom, I called my mom crying and she came to pick me up and take me home to bookshelves and a bubble bath.

Jake grinned. "Good. We take Bella out, away from civilization, and detox her of vamps."

"Me… camping…" I did not want to seem like a weak alpha, but after Rosalie left me in this state, that ship had sailed.

Jacob and Leah exchanged a swift glance and a subtle nod.

"Alright, it's decided then!" declared Jacob.

Clearly noticing my unbidden unease and anxiety, "Come on," laughed Leah before teasing, "Some Alpha you are if you can't handle the woods for a night."

I set my hands on my hips. "The real question is if the woods can handle me."

Jacob snorted and Leah buried her face in her hands.

But I had no regrets.

[X]

That afternoon, we all loaded in my truck and Sam's with equipment as foreign to me as alien technology. Charlie had been so enthusiastic to agree when I asked him if I could go camping with my friends. I supposed he was probably sick of seeing me moping around the house.

Upon arrival and unpacking, it surprised me how much being out in the forest with my pack made me feel better.

Things smelled different, sounded different, felt different, and despite the constant sound of wind, rain and loud pack of werewolves, it was quiet. Or maybe my mind was just quiet.

Whatever the science or magic was, I was smiling and laughing and setting up a campsite with my pack, and I was, for the first time, able to compartmentalize my agony over Rosalie for a little while.

Even Sam and I were not fighting, and Leah was not sulking in the slightest. Sam was the one who came over and showed me how to properly set up a tent, and didn't make it into a dick measuring contest.

Embry and Jared finish setting up the fire and at last, our camp is together. Sam kicks open one of the colors backed with food and alcohol.

"So, who's shacking up with who? The alpha can fly solo, if she wants."

I nodded, unsure what to say. This was pretty far from my element so I let my pack lead the way.

"I'll take one for the team and share with Leah," said Jacob.

Embry clapped his shoulder. "Thanks man. I'd rather die."

I opened my mouth to intervene; Leah deserved respect and the day would never come when I did not stand up for it. But she gave me a wordless glance that stopped me. I knit my brow and nodded at her, making a mental note to talk to my only fellow female wolf later.

We grabbed food and drinks and settled around the fire.

I unscrewed the lid of bottom shelf rum and Leah gently nudged my ribs with her elbow.

Upon realizing what she meant, I raised my drink, and so did everyone else.

"What should we drink to, Miss Alpha?" teased Embry.

I shrugged and smiled. "Let's drink to and see where it goes."

No one disagreed with that.

We told stupid stories and laughed and dirty jokes and forgot our troubles until the fire burned lie and it was time to turn in and get some sleep.

[X]

The forest was calming, as was the soft light of the moon pouring gently into my tent. But I was seeing stars and missing Rosalie and worrying about a vampire war and unable to sleep a wink.

I no longer knew if I wanted to drown myself in love, vodka or the sea.

What I needed was the kind of people who knew how to slap me back to my senses. Therefore, I made my way out of my tent struggling to get to my knees and then feet, with a good deal of crawling on my elbows and pauses for deep breaths to calm the dizziness and nausea.

My attuned wolf eyes — even in human form — made it easy to find Jacob and Leah's tent. I moved to open it and as I pulled the zipper up, lost my balance and came crashing inside, landing sloppily on top of two screaming — and naked — bodies.

I cried out, "Oh my God!"

My brother leapt up as Leah covered herself with the two unzipped sleeping bags. My hands shot up over my eyes.

"What the Hell?" he demanded.

All I could manage was to croak out, "Pants, Jake, pants!"

He scrambled for his clothes while muttering a fairly impressive string of angry expletives. Leah attempted to stammer an explanation but none of it made sense. And me? I had never before been more mortified in my entire life.

Once Jacob was dressed, he seized my wrist and dragged me from the tent.

"What was that?" His whisper somehow seemed both louder and fiercer than a shout.

"I couldn't sleep." Pause. "I guess you couldn't either."

"Lower your voice. You already made enough noise. Do you want the whole pack to find out about me and Leah?"

"What's the problem with them finding out? Would it embarrass you to be with the girl your buddies all make fun of for having feelings?"

"No. You know me better than that. It's about this whole imprinting thing. Leah and I figure if nobody knows it's… less complicated or whatever." He sighed and rubbed his face.

A little embarrassed by my unfair assumption, I softly asked, "Is that why you're worried about us all imprinting? Because of Leah?"

Jacob frowned. "I hate imprinting for a lot of good reasons. But, yeah, she's a big one of them."

"How did you two… happen?" I asked, trying my best to change tithe subject from one that obviously pained him.

"You're not always around, y'know? Sam pretty much takes over the group when you're not here. I end up on the outs of the pack. Seems like more and more since all this Amunet stuff. I support you and I'm not afraid to tell Sam off. Leah's on the outs too. We both hate imprinting and… it turns out she's okay. More than okay, I guess."

I often thought about Leah's situation with Sam and Emily, or the comments Jacob made about wanting to choose who we love. I was fortunate in the fact that I had never been in love with anyone before Rosalie. Maybe I did understand, or maybe I did not, but I knew that in Rosalie's absence I had more than once wished that imprinting never existed.

"Wanna throw rocks at the stream?" I asked.

He faintly smiled at me and nodded.

[X]

In the early evening on a Friday night, Alice and I sat on my sofa watching an old black and white vampire film. She had protested, telling me that it was unhealthy when I missed Rosalie, but I won out in the end.

My sole coping mechanism was cracking jokes and forcing smiles.

It wasn't my best but I told Alice, "It's a little harder to take vampire movies seriously when they're not much like the real thing. I mean, half of the plot is based around them needing to be invited in."

Alice laughed. "Well, we do prefer to be invited in. It's more polite."

I shot a halfway genuine smile at my friend. She always did make hard times easier.

"They're not too immortal either," I continued. Alice looked a little puzzled by that one and so I elaborated. "Well, they say they're immortal and all but if they go to a Home Depot garden sale and trip they're dead. Or going poof if they go out in sunlight. So you're immortal, Mr. Nosferatu? Try being immortal at brunch."

We both laughed. It was real for me, and hopefully real for her too.

Never deterred by sadness, she always knew exactly what to say with her sweet and bubbly voice, Alice chirped, "I would totally like to turn into a bat though. It would be so fun."

I shook my head. "You wouldn't be a bat. You'd be like a hummingbird."

Alice laughed. "Good point."

After that, we watched in a relaxed silence. That was a cool thing about having a real best friend for the first time. We could just shut up and enjoy the peace and quiet without it ever being uncomfortable.

But suddenly, Alice asked, "Did you ever figure out what was in that box in La Push?"

My lips contorted into a frown. It was grave and taut, but lately hurt less on my face than a smile.

"No. I stopped thinking about it after I lost Rosalie. Leah took pictures of it, but even Old Quil doesn't know what most of the writing on it says. And the cold ones in their legends don't seem related to the cave paintings."

"Do you have the pictures?"

I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through my text chain with Leah until I found them. After I handed her my phone, Alice scrunched up her face and examined them all closely.

"Any thoughts?"

"No."

"There doesn't seem to be a way to open it either."

"If you can get it to the surface, you should bring it to Carlisle. Can you send me the pictures so I can show him?"

"I could try."

"It could help us. Things in the vampire world are looking ominous at the moment."

"How ominous?" A pang of regret hit me. I had vowed to help, vowed to stop Amunet, but all I had done was succumb to misery and heartbreak over my imprint.

Alice's small frown spoke more than words ever could.

[X]

It had been almost a month since losing Rosalie and I was so far below rock bottom that I was limbo dancing with the devil in Hell.

But I had one thing to keep my mind occupied; destroying the evil creature who took her from me. So, at the moment, I was wading into the ocean with Jacob, Leah and Sam while holding a very hefty crowbar.

We swam out to the cave, diving and surfacing and repeating until we at last reached the resting place of the locked box.

The three of us got to work. Freeing it from the rocks was even difficult with our enhanced strength. I took the crowbar to the chains as Sam grabbed me by the waist to add more strength and leverage. Jake dove with the bolt cutters and he and Leah combined their power as well.

The strain was unimaginable, but at last, we managed to break the box from its sunken prison. It was shockingly light when I picked it up and desperately swam to the surface, vision blurred due to desperation for oxygen.

The three of us silently congratulated each other with weak gestures and expressions as we caught our labored breath.

Finally, the box tucked under Jacob's shoulder, we slowly made our way back to shore, the gentle waves a thousand times as heavy to push aside on our way.

I remained in my hands and knees in the murky, muddy sand, head bowed and spinning, until I steadied myself and arose onto my feet.

We needed no words as Jacob handed me the box.

I gave a nod of thanks, and then took off to my truck, setting the box gently in the passenger seat, and began the long drive to the Cullens' house.

[X]

The moment I hopped out of my truck, Emmett shouted out, "Van Bellsing!" and wrapped me in a huge bear hug that a human probably could neither endure nor survive.

I had to admit I did not expect such a warm welcome. For over a month, I had been afraid to interact with any Cullen but Alice, and she had simply forced her way through any walls I tried to build between us.

It was like them to always be kind, but I felt beyond undeserving. I could not stop Rosalie from leaving them, and I had not rescued her. I squirmed at the warm welcome I received, and it only became worse once I entered and Esme began to fret over me like the proper kind of mother I supposed I never really had.

"You're soaking. Would you like a towel?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

She continued without any reservation, "Are you hungry?"

"Uh, no, and I really don't want to impose." I averted my eyes as my stomach did backflips.

"You're still family," she said warmly.

I struggled to find the right words to respond, but thankfully, Esme caught on quickly to my discomfort. She simply squeezed my shoulder and lead me to Carlisle's office.

He, Alice, Jasper, Edward and Tanya were all waiting inside, holding a hushed and clearly severe conversation until they noticed me.

We did not char much — even with Alice present — as I handed the box to Carlisle.

The tension was agonizing and palpable as we all waited for his intense and meticulous examination to conclude.

At long last, he looked up at us.

"I've never seen anything like this, I'm afraid to say," concluded Carlisle. "But I can't say it's not to do with Amunet."

Emmett suggested, "The shifters are vampire slayers. Maybe it's a weapon."

Tanya frowned. "If it was one, it couldn't have worked if she's still around."

"We don't even know who buried it," said Edward. "It could have been anyone."

Esme lifted her eyes from the box to contribute with, "It is precolonial, but I can't determine exactly when it was made.

Alice asked Carlisle, "Do you know when Amunet first visited the Americas? It can't have been before the fifteen hundreds, right?"

"It very much could have been, unfortunately. The only people who know enough about her past would never share it, if there are any left."Carlisle turned to me, his golden gaze uncannily intense. "If your tribe permits it, I would like to take this to Italy."

"Italy?"

"The home of not only the Volturi and their collected knowledge, but also their archives. If there is any way to open the box and discover what it holds, it will be in Volterra."

Esme grabbed his shoulder. "You're not going there alone."

"Tanya and I will go too."

"Someone has to stay here for Rosalie," said Emmett fiercely.

Alice squeezed my arm. "Jazz and I will stay too."

And so it was.

[X]

Whenever I cried, had a bad day, struggled with rough times, my mother would hold me and tell me that tomorrow would be kinder. It was a beautiful thing to say, and once upon a time comforted me. But as I got older, I could not help but realize how rarely that saying was true.

Lately, it seemed as if every day was crueler than the last.

At another blurry and pointless day of school, or perhaps of life in general, I entered the cafeteria to find, as usual, Alice waiting for me at our table with a tray of food she would not eat.

Usually, we talked about nothing. She was the only person who could make me laugh lately.

But I cut right to the chase as soon as I sat down. "Any word from Carlisle?"

"Only that they made it safely to Volterra. It'll probably be at least a couple of days before they can call again. The Volturi are equal parts strict and secretive."

"Any visions of Rose?" I was pretty sure she, as usual, would not give any answer about the future unless it was life or death, but upon occasion, her expression gave her away.

Alice remained silent. At first my heart did a backflip of panic, but she smiled with a small sparkle in her golden eyes. Then she shook her head.

"Nothing, reallly." The solemn sadness returned as quickly as if it were never gone.

I sighed deeply. "The not knowing.. It's… If something happened to her, I would never love again. Because for me, it has to be real love. And there isn't any real love with anyone but Rosalie."

"How do you define real love?" asked Alice quietly.

I somehow did not even think, the words flying so quickly from my lips that I stuttered and stumbled through the consonants and vowels.

"Real Love is when you can't exist without someone," I hastily said. "When you'd rather die than be apart. That when you're together the whole world goes dark and all that matters is the person standing in front of you. Rose wouldn't have left if she felt that for me. But I want her back anyway. I need her with me again and I hope she will be because even if she doesn't feel that way for me I feel that way for her. And I can't change that even if I wanted to."

Alice cocked her head to the side. "Do you want to?

I inhaled deeply as I pretended to think about it, which gave me the ability to swallow my strong emotions before speaking.

"I don't think so," I said, "but honestly I have no idea. I just have to wait."

And wait I did.

Even when each tick of the second hand pulsed like an aching bruise.

Up until the day I slipped up on my perfect albeit depressed, confused and secretly canine daughter act. It was hard for me to cause any pain to those I loved, but fortunately all of the people I loved knew the skinny on my role in a vampire war, wolfish tendencies and heartbreaking interspecies liaison. Except for one.

Charlie.

And I had managed to convince him I was fine and talk him out of sending me to a shrink, monthlong nature retreat or, the worst, Florida to live with my mother.

But I had zero sleep, up worrying about no news from Carlisle or Rosalie and hating myself for ignoring calls and texts from La Push.

I thought I would make it through the day alright, but I drifted off in English class watching a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's Salomé.

"Miss Swan," woke me from my uneasy slumber. The teacher slammed his hand onto my desk and I jolted awake. "Miss Swan, would you care to enlighten us with your opinion?"

"I think Salomé is a victim, even though you're using her as an example of a villain in your curriculum about villains and the lengths they go to for their desires versus heroes and their tragic sacrifices. She's not Lady Macbeth, nothing like it, no matter how much you force us to do assignments comparing and contrasting them. I think maybe you should grade student papers based on their writing structure and quality of the argument, instead of giving out D's because you disagree with the thesis that Salomé is just as much a victim of circumstance as John the Baptist."

The class was stunned into uncomfortable silence, except for Jessica, who snorts and bursts into a fit of giggles.

She is undeterred by my mortified expression and rapidly beating heart, as well as how red our instructor's face is as she

The English teacher cleared his throat and composed himself.

"A fair opinion, but being so adamant and to disrespectfully sleep in class won't help you support that point in this week's essay. Perhaps detention after school will give you some time to reflect on the reading and film. And Miss Stanley, you may join her for being disruptive, not to mention texting during the whole film."

I was shocked and sweating, thrown into a whirlwind of utterly nauseating panic. Not once in my life had I gotten a detention. I was so dedicated to being well behaved that I had never even jaywalked or illegally downloaded music.

Jessica, in stark contrast to my reaction, exclaimed shrilly, "I wasn't texting!"

"No one just looks at their crotch and smiles," Miss Stanley."

Mike Newton whispered to his bonehead buddy, "You do if you've got what I'm packing."

I exhaled deeply and bowed my head.

Charlie was most certainly not going to be happy.

[X]

My head hurt like Hell as I sat in agonizing silence during my detention with Jessica.

I was trying to use my time to figure out a solid argument to justify my detention, or at least an excuse. I knew it would be more ammunition for my parents to try to interfere with my life here in Forks. They just wanted to help, but I could not explain myself, or the truth of Forks, without them putting me in a padded cell. They already wanted to put me in a nuthouse; telling them about imprinting, a vampire war, and, oh right, me being the leader of a pack of werewolves certainly could not help.

Sadly, despite an hour of thinking as Jessica texted under her skirt and popped her bubblegum, I did not have the faintest clue of how to save myself from Charlie's dismay.

I dredged my way to the parking lot, feeling sick to my stomach. But when a familiar friend pranced over to me, I experienced a little bit of relief.

Alice pulled me into one of her signature strong hugs and once she released me, she touched my face and frowned. "It's times like this I wish I could see your future."

"I don't mind it," I admitted. "I'm pretty sure if most people knew their future they'd never get out of bed in the morning. Me included."

Alice nodded. "I have been keeping a third eye on Charlie. Call me when you can, okay?"

That boded with me so poorly that I could not manage to respond.

I was expecting a nightmare at home.

Yet, Charlie did not get home until late. I arrived home and I was alone.

At first, it was massively relieving, but then I realized that the anxiety only built and built as I waited.

That night, I sat down to another bleak and silent dinner with Charlie, and he slammed his hand down on the kitchen table.

It was pain, not anger that drove his outburst. Anyone could see that, and anyone knew that somehow that hurt more.

"That's it, Bella! I'm sending you back to your mother in Florida!"

My heart dropped into my stomach.

This was the worst thing I could imagine, and I could imagine a lot after what I had faced recently. I certainly could not leave my pack, or the Cullens, or this world of magic that gave me more of a reason to live than anything ever had.

"Why? Dad, I can't leave. I…"

"I know heartbreak hurts. But this is too far. Forks is always going to remind you of Rosalie. When you were spending time with your friends in La Push, I thought maybe you'd be okay, but you don't even visit them anymore. You've always been a straight A student, but the school called today to talk about your grades getting too low. And detention? You've never gotten so much as a stern talking to from a teacher in your life. Bella, you know I love having you here, but it's too much. I'm worried about you. This isn't healthy. You need to move on from Rosalie, and I think that means you need a fresh start."

"Please, I promise I'll… I can move on here. You can't do this to me!" The fierce tears began to stream from my eyes.

"I don't want to. It's made me so happy having you here, but I love you, and I can't do something that's hurting you just so I can keep you around. Your mom and I have been talking and with this thing with Billy and now Rosalie—"

"This isn't about a tragic backstory! It's about…"

It's about vampires and witches and werewolves oh my, but I realized I could not tell him that. I preferred Florida over a padded cell in an institution.

"I'm doing my best here, kid."

I knew that. Charlie was a good dad. A great one. And hurting him by keeping these secrets was a constant dark cloud looming over me.

He was a good dad, and so I was certain I could make him see my perspective without revealing the world of magic and mystique hiding amongst the evergreens.

But the more I fought with Charlie, the more determined he was. He had already made plans with my mom without telling me, which left me so infuriated that I struggled desperately to not shift into a wolf against my will. The plane tickets were purchased. My mom was in the process of enrolling me in a Floridian school.

I fought harder than I had since battling Amunet, but I lost.

I sobbed in my room like a pathetic fool of a woman for hours, before I finally made up my mind about what had to be done. I did not want to do it. I never had been so selfish in my life, never done something that would hurt the people I cared about.

But the decisions made by Charlie, my mom, Rosalie and Amunet gave me no choice.

I could either be a victim or rise up.

And I was so weary of being the victim, a weakling despite the alpha wolf within.

Without love, I was nothing.

As a human, I was helpless and frustrated and pained.

So I left a note, leaving out a great deal of information about mythical creatures and vampire civil wars, and left it for Charlie. My stomach churned and my heart sank as I acknowledged it would hurt him, and I hated myself for that.

He didn't deserve me leaving. Neither did Billy or my mom or the Cullens or my wolf pack.

Yet, I forced myself to suppress compassion, sloppily stitched up my bleeding heart, and concluded that I had to let people hate me for this choice, since I knew it was right for me and hopefully Rosalie.

I headed into the backyard.

I took a deep breath.

I wiped away my tears.

I phased out of my human form.

And I ran on my four legs until Bella Swan faded away and only the beast remained.

---

ROSALIE

---

My favorite word had always been paradise.

Ever since I learned it as a young girl, I liked how it rolled off of my tongue, the whisper of longing as my lips closed on the P and opened to breathe a sweet sigh mere milliseconds later. I knew it was what I wanted, but I never quite felt it was what I had, or perhaps ever would have.

I loved being human, and my time as a human was perfectly fine and lovely up until the grisly end. I missed being human. Sometimes I thought it was paradise, and I had to die and be reborn to see just what I had once upon a time.

But at the same time I remembered my childhood as nothing but a sense of wistful longing, homesick for somewhere I had never before been.

That place was paradise.

And I had never found it until I met Bella Swan.

As I sat anxiously in another hotel room in another city where Amunet sought old friends and built her army, I was alone. And I knew only one thing for certain; I needed to call Bella. Being away from her, not hearing her voice, it was killing me.

And so, since Victoria was out hunting and I figured she owed me for trying to kiss me when she knew I had a mate I loved, I stole her phone from her purse and dialed Bella's number.

Each ring took longer than the past countless decades of my immortal life.

But, finally, she answered.

And I had only one chance to try to explain myself.

[X]

Angelique returned first and alone, a few hours before dawn. It felt odd being alone with her; of all of the crew I now somehow ran with, I knew her the least. Amunet was too possessive, too protective.

She stared at me more intently than she ever had with eyes as bright and as red as rubies. For a moment, I thought perhaps she could see or smell the guilt on me.

"You look so sad." To my surprise, the usually utterly aloof woman sat down beside me. "And it isn't hard too tell that your sadness is over romance."

"Isn't it always?" I frowned softly and averted my eyes. "No romance ever lacked obstacles… or pain"

Angelique touched my hand. "If your wolf truly loves you, she can wait. I waited centuries for Amunet."

Rage tore through me like a wildfire. I was able to contain most of it, but not enough to stop myself from snarling, "Her name is Bella Swan. She's not my pet. She's her own, remarkable person."

"Right, of course." Angelique did not bother to hide the disdain in her voice, but I let it slide just this once in the spirit of getting to know her. "If your love is meant to be, it will happen. I learned that from my mate. I see your strength as Amunet does. Look at Victoria. She is arrogant, ambitious and hungry which is useful but she tries to push herself onto what she wants."

"How did you last so long without your mate?"

Her expression fell, her piercing gaze drifting away from me and landing on the ugly wall. After a brief moment, she shrugged and hm'd in an obvious attempt to reclaim her lofty air.

"It wasn't easy."

"Lonely, I would imagine."

"Yes." Silence. "We met while I was bathing in the River Seine, back when I had rosy skin and Paris was just a small Roman town. She handed me my clothes when I got out of the water, and was gone so quickly after flirting with me for about thirty seconds, which I imagine you know can be enough to fall madly in love with someone forever. She was at my window two nights later. I thought she was remarkable, of course, but I was betrothed and happy in my life. I didn't wish to be a vampire, so she courted me and waited months for me to be ready to choose her. After she turned me, she waited by my bedside, watching me. And during the times I was conscious, I wondered why. I must have asked her because I recall her telling me that she had waited thousands of years to find me, and she could wait for me as long as she had to. How could I not wait for her after that?"

It reminded me a little of Alice and Jasper. I always thought their love was beautiful. The rest of my family said it made them certain soulmates existed. I, however, never believed that until Bella.

"I know how you feel and I would always do the same for Bella. But what if… what if we never do see each other again? I made this decision to try to do the right thing for both myself and my mate, but I'm starting to think that I'm selfish and a coward and that she'll see that. Or worse, one of us will die in the war Amunet and Aro are starting."

"I cannot pretend to be an expert of love, life, death or the future. But if it was the right thing for you to leave, you both will have your happy ending. And if it was the wrong thing? Well, that's how I held on. I knew that the wrong commmitted against my mate would be righted one day if I could be patient."

"You think stopping Amunet's carnage was a wrong?"

Angelique shot to her feet and hissed, but I stayed still and locked eyes with her.

"Do you not think it was a wrong?"

"After these weeks, I am starting to truly see her for who she is. But I also have seen what she can do when she attacked my family. There was good reason for what happened to her. Maybe they got it wrong, I don't know, but I trust Carlisle and I trust that he only would have helped the Volturi if they were doing what they were certain were right. The evidence…"

"Her confessors were tortured, her accusers were her political rivals, and her true self was obscured by legend before any of the Volturi were even born. Who could divine myth from fact? She shared power until they decided they needed to shut her up. They were and are too contented hiding in the shadows. Are you?"

"No." The words escaped my lips before I could think about them. But I did not bother to correct myself or figure out those feelings. I was too agitated by Angelique ignoring Amunet's evil deeds. "She hurt people I love. She's killing vampires when she says that she wants vampires to rule the world."

"Is it murder to kill those who have destroyed you? Or is it justice?"

I still hated Amunet.

I still trusted Carlisle.

But I could not defend myself against her without being a hypocrite.

Nor did I have time to come up with a response before the door clicked open and in strode a rejected Victoria and a luminous Amunet.

Daring to look directly at Amunet—albeit not in the eyes—I sharply stated, "I won't apologize for what I did at that club."

Amunet laughed. It was beautiful, but twisted. Enough so that it could send a shiver down a vampire's spine.

"You should not apologize." She smiled. "I found it truly remarkable and invigorating, which a woman as ancient as I can rarely ever say. I have seen things you would not believe, yet I almost could not believe what I saw tonight."

I barely suppressed a scoff. "Is that why I have a special destiny?"

"No. It's not why you have a special destiny, but it is one reason why you are special."

"You seem really certain about my future."

"That is because I am."

I dared at last to ask my burning question. "How does it work, anyway? How is it so much more foolproof than my sister, seeing patterns instead of clear visions?"

A secret gleam in her ruby eyes as though she was about to unveil the secrets of Aladdin's cave.

"Life has a melody, Rosalie," said Amunet. "A rhythm of notes that define all creation when played in harmony with God's plan."

"I'm not sure I get it."

"You are a very intelligent and remarkably intuitive woman, but I feel it would be not unlike trying to explain particle physics to a particle."

Despite her attempt to sugar coat the statement, I could not help but be offended. Yet, I shook it off fairly easily since I was pretty certain it was true.

I could not imagine or understand what it would be like to have been born before the construction of the Great Pyramids and watch the rise and fall of every empire, and to be here, today, illuminated by neon lights and blasted with the sound of EDM music.

But none of that excused her callousness, hatred, and violence. Just her arrogance.

I had no more to say, and neither did anyone else. There was no sound but the desert wind until Amunet bumped against the dresser. She winced and brushed her hand against her side. Winced? Her camisole lifted and I only for a brief flicker of a moment thought I saw a healing scar on her allegedly impenetrable skin.

But before I could get a closer look, she hastily pulled down the hem of her shirt. Too hastily.

"Are you alright?" I tentatively asked.

"Of course. Physically, I am indestructible, mentally I am at last free, and emotionally I am once more whole after being reunited with my Angelique. You needn't ever worry about me."

Despite wisely keeping my mouth shut, I very much disagreed with that statement.

[X]

After a night watching grainy sitcom reruns and thinking of nothing but how true and justified Bella's anger at me on the phone was, I looked up and out of the window to see a cloudy, grey, sunless sky. A beautiful morning for a vampire.

I stretched my legs around the hall few long minutes before returning the room to see Victoria styling her hair in front of the smudged and scratched mirror.

She glanced up at me and commented, "Are we actually unattended? That isn't like Amunet and Angelique."

"I think they're, as Emmett calls it, hitting the skins."

As Victoria snickered, I faintly smiled as I thought about my favorite brother. I did not just miss Bella, although my heart ached for her, but I also missed my family, and even Forks for that matter.

"Hitting the skins?"

"Knocking boots."

"Churning the butter."

"Jumping bones."

"Testing the mattress."

"Boinking."

"Doing the horizontal Monster Mash."

That euphemism was the clear winner; we both burst into reckless laughter.

Laughing felt good until it felt dreadful. It was an insult to the loved ones I abandoned to let myself feel any joy on my journey.

"You want to go shopping?" asked Victoria.

Without a moment's thought, I agreed.

An excursion into the real world was something I desperately needed.

[X]

Once at the run down rural mall, the first thing I bought with the sparse remaining cash I had on me was a burner phone. As Victoria examined pretty electronic, I stepped outside of the Best Buy and tore open the lining of my purse. I fit the phone inside and concealed it with the rest of the messy but ordinary and unassuming contents.

I could finally relax once I draped it back over my shoulder and Victoria casually walked out to join me. We began our rounds of the mall, hitting up every store whether the merchandise interests us or not.

I was examining a rather ugly shirt when Victoria touched my arm. It was clear she did not often do something like that. A gentle, filial gesture.

She said suddenly, "I'm not the kind of person who apologizes but… I'm sorry for kissing you last night. It was stupid."

"It really was," I could not help but icily reply.

Victoria bitterly pursed her lips, but gave me a forced and somewhat pained nod.

"Losing a mate is the worst thing that a vampire can ever feel. And I like spending time with you and I think that and the craziness got me confused. I'm… I'm really hurting even if I can't remember how to show any emotions but anger, but I don't know who I'm angry at. Him, for making such a stupid choice. The wolf girl who killed him. Amunet for causing it all. Or myself for being too much of a coward to stop him from making that mistake. I want revenge but… against who or what? It's always in my head, but when I'm with you, I don't feel that way as much as usual."

"I can't imagine how hard… grief is… grief is complicated."

"I never know what I'm doing without James. I don't even remember why I do the things I've always done. I've never loved anyone but him and I don't think I will ever love again. But you know that you're beautiful and I like teasing you and spending time with you."

"You are describing a friend. Have you… never had one?" I felt uncomfortable asking but could not help it.

Victoria snorted and rolled her ruby eyes.

"A nomadic murder whose friends and family died centuries ago can't take the risks of getting attached."

"Oh."

"It's not like you have any outside of your family."

"No," I reluctantly admitted. "I suppose I don't. I am not very good at friends."

"Neither am I." Victoria shrugged. "Maybe we could give it a shot with each other. Immortality is rather pointless if you never try anything new."

I considered it for a moment, flipping through a quite ravishing sundress to buy myself a little time. At last I concluded that I could use an ally, maybe a friend, but at least someone I could count on in my current sea of uncertainty.

Victoria pursed her lips as I turned to face her. "As long as you never make a pass at me again, I suppose I could see us being friends."

She did not smile or react in the usual way one would, but she did seem pleased. "I could see us being friends too."

"Then I suppose we are friends." I offered my best attempt at a smile. It was weak and reserved, but genuine.

Victoria raised her eyebrows and nodded.

"I've never wanted friends before. Who does with a power like mine. Self preservation is much more difficult when other people become involved. After all, my gift forces me to betray people to save myself. I don't have a choice."

Suddenly, a great deal made sense to me. I had been unaware of her gift this entire time, but it made sense why she would be reluctant to discuss it.

It also explained why she and Laurent let James die, no matter how much it pained her.

"Carlisle told me something months ago that I just remembered. In old noir films they say cherchez la femme — look for the woman — since the wife or lover was often a man's killer. But after talking to Carlisle it became pretty clear that it didn't have to be murder; our lovers are our weakest points."

Victoria hates her fangs and I had to steel myself to stop from stepping back. She looked seconds from ripping my throat out before she chose to use her words instead, albeit snapping and snarling them. "James. You're talking about me being as responsible for his death as his killer, your mate."

Casually, I held up a hand. "I am not saying you're responsible. It could've been the other way around and I'd say the same thing. It's just… it makes sense that with your gift you wouldn't want people close to you. They become your weak points. He still is yours, in many ways, like you risking me killing you by stealing that kiss."

"You wouldn't have killed me," scoffed Victoria.

I shrugged loftily. "I may have."

Victoria rolled her eyes. "I'm not really sure why I even like you in the first place. You are extremely hot, but I don't get why I would ever care about a bitch like you in a nonsexual way."

I did not have to think about my reply. "Probably because I tolerate you when no one else does, and I don't want anything from you. Not to mention we're both screwed in the same way at the moment."

Victoria shrugged one shoulder, then, at last, nodded. We did not smile or soften or gazes, but the animosity faded more quickly than I thought possible.

"I am glad to be your friend," said Victoria, her words slow, strangled and unfamiliar on her tongue.

Eager to end the uncomfortable conversation, we resumed our window shopping.

After a few minutes of passing shops we lacked any desire to investigate, an upscale jewelry store drew our attention just long enough for my eyes to land on the engagement rings. I did not know how long I stared at them, but I knew it was too long.

With a shake of my head, I turned away from them, but also turned my face right into the startling sight of a black platinum credit card clutched in long red nails.

Victoria poked my back.

"Get one," she rather regally commanded.

I pursed my lips and shook my head, both to decline Victoria's request and erase my fantasies of marrying Bella so soon from my head like an Etch-a-Sketch.

"I don't think she would ever say yes." In truth, she would, but it would not be based on her actual feelings or a clear mind. It killed me to think of imposing that on her so early in our relationship. I had been alive for nearly a century; Bella was still young. As much as I wanted to return to her and get down on one knee, I had to fight off my naturally self-centered nature to think of what would be fair for her.

"She can't ever say yes if you never ask. The only thing stopping you is you."

"Bella Swan is extraordinary. But her wolf side is telling her to spend her life dedicated to me. To me. How much will she have to give up to be dedicated to-to serving a vampire? I want her to be able to be extraordinary. And maybe she can't be her own person with me there."

"Nobody is really their own person. We're all made of a bunch of pieces of people we've known."

"Do you also have my lucky number of the day?"

Victoria laughed briefly, but, unfortunately, was not at all deterred by my sarcasm.

"It can't hurt to look, can it?"

It could. It would.

But when my gaze caught a ring again, my gut pulled me to the shop despite the best efforts from my body and brain to stop me.

I left with a diamond ring in a soft crimson velvet box and bits and pieces of a proposal speech running through my head amongst the rest of the madness.

I both dreaded and desperately craved being with Bella again.

And I felt the same about getting down on one knee.

But I still held the ring box tightly and constantly, as if it could float away and vanish.

[X]

A little distance cleared my head enough to accompany Victoria on an errand for Amunet the next day. While I was dripping with rain and soaked with sorrow and confusion, she found the information she sought. She considered it quick, simple and clean and therefore went to attend to business she withheld from myself and Victoria.

All we had to do was walk in the shade wearing hoodies and knock on a few apartment doors to find s vampire with a special gift.

Or so we thought until we found the right door eerily ajar.

As soon as we stepped inside, we smelled the unmistakable stench of the death of the undead.

We had sought a vampire, and found the corpse of a corpse. Only one entity could slay a vampire so cleanly and easily: the Volturi.

"Rosalie," said a familiar female voice. "A pleasure to see you after so many decades."

Jane and Alec, and two other guards I did not recognize. My eyes widened. It was just me and Victoria, no Amunet to save us this time.

"If you want to kill her you—"

Jane swept her hand and Victoria cried out in agony as she fell to her knees. My eyes bulged and panic seized my muscles, but I could not do anything until the torture stopped and Victoria's shoulders fell in relief.

Alec said, "We merely wish to speak with you. Whether we kill you or not depends upon the outcome of our conversation. Carlisle Culllen is in Volterra, and this is a friendly favor to him for now. Please, sit."

I exchanged a glance with Victoria. She gave me a tiny nosed and strode over to the antique sofa.

Jane and Alex sat across from us, but the other two Volturi remained standing with a strangely immense focus in their eyes and expressions.

Alec waved a hand towards the companions. "These brothers share a useful gift. They can conceal our presence. Even Amunet or other Volturi."

Jane dropped a weathered Manila folder sloppily branded with a wax seal of the Volturi crest on the hideous coffee table. She casually opened it with a soft swoop of her pale hand, revealing an enormous stack of surveillance photos.

Of my family. And of Bella and her pack.

"Even Edward and Alice can't detect us with the boys here helping."

Without my permission, my fingers reached out to caress the glossy photograph of Bella that lay at the top of the pile. I allowed myself only a few seconds to gaze at it before lifting my head.

"Why all of this just for me?"

"Where many see a disgrace, Aro sees opportunity. Amunet holds you very close, but we believe that your lack of loyalty to her and your affiliation with Carlisle Cullen could prove beneficial, were you to agree with our terms and so long as you remain cooperative."

Victoria boldly interrupted, "You mean compliant."

"Choose whichever word you wish. We only seek your help."

"And you hope to gain it through threats?"

"Even we are no threat compared to what will happen if Amunet starts the war she wants to wage, much less if she wins it."

Before I could speak, Alec interjected, "Perhaps she is too young to understand."

"I have seen what Amunet is capable of, and I know her story. She's hurt me and the people I love. I don't support her."

"And we are certain she knows that. But her only exploitable flaw has always been her arrogance. She thinks she can convince you. The only question the Volturi have for you is if that is her arrogance, or the truth."

Alec held up a hand. "Don't answer. Only your actions will matter." He handed me a slip of paper with flawless calligraphy relaying a phone number. "Call us to divulge any intelligence you collect. Or don't; this courtesy visit is one personal favor to an old friend. We make no promises about our future encounters."

They were gone so quickly one could understand the myth that vampir3s could transform into bats and swoop away.

I slowly closed the folder and turned to Victoria.

Seeing Bella's face outside of memories and dreams, seeing powerful vampires desperate enough to ask for my help, or ask at all for that matter, and the shocking news that Carlisle was in Volterra all hit me at once like a swift and severe punch to the gut.

Victoria asked, "Do you want to bring Amunet down?"

Her tone was perfectly neutral; I could not tell where she stood. However, her opinion did not matter very much to the decision I was making.

"Yes. I'm getting tired off caring about Rosalie Hale and Her Special Destiny. If anything, the time with her and her cult has reminded me of why I stick to my moral code. If we stop her in time, and with as little violence as possible, for once, the vampires can be heroes instead of monsters."

To my mild surprise, Victoria scoffed and retorted, "I'm nobody's goddamned hero."

"And I'm not ever this idealistic, but these are strange times."

"They say strange times make for strange bedfellows."

"I sincerely hope you mean the Volturi."

"I do and don't. I haven't decided my allegiances."

"I have. But not to the Volturi, or my coven, or Amunet."

"To Bella Swan, I take it."

"Yes. I have to go." I stuffed the phone number into my pocket before reconsidering and sliding it deep 8th my bra. "Join me if you want. I don't really care."

I made for the door and had my hand on the knob when Victoria finally rose to her feet.

"Rosalie, wait."

"What is it?"

"Maybe we're rarely heroes, but we're not monsters."

I shook my head. All I could think about was the pain of my phone call with Bella, and the only two emotions I had felt since speaking to her.

Regret. Remorse.

It could truly be enough to tear a creature apart, no matter how far down the wrong path they had travelled.

[X]

Of all the odd meeting places to which I had accompanied Amunet, a college campus's sorority row was easily the strangest yet. We entered a wild party of drunk young humans, neon lights and cheap booze. In my rounds of colleges and degrees, I had only really been to a few. This was never my scene.

It only took a few moments for two female vampires wearing themed costumes. They could be mistaken for identical twins, were it not for the curly dark hair of one and the long silken strawberry locks of the other.

Amunet confidently stepped forward and embraced both of them one by one with a peck on the cheek for each before reaching out her arms in a very grandiose manner unfitting of our surroundings.

"Desdemona, my darling, oh and Agnes, it's good to see you. Where's Theobald?"

"Dead."

"The Volturi?"

"Yes. They are nearby, Agnes and I almost had to give up on waiting for you. We're already packed to leave after this party."

"Please, forgive my tardiness. Shall we have a bite and discuss your future now that I am free?"

The one called Desdemona wrapped her arm around Amunet's back and walked away taking and laughing. Angelique shot only a brief glance at Victoria and I before following.

I escaped Victoria as she walked off into her hunt.

The party did not suit me at all. I never felt out of place, but I did here.

I was in an immensely crowded room of loud, vibrant people, but I had never before felt so alone.

[X]

After attempting to mingle and falling short, I slipped out of the party and walked past the porch towards the large yard to be by myself among the well-kept foliage.

It was there in the darkness that I heard two familiar voices speaking angrily in animated archaic French. I had read enough old literature and the words were close enough to modern that with a little extra focus I could understand.

Amunet snarled to her mate, "You are being impossible. We have been having versions of this argument for centuries and I tire of it."

"My owl, you know you are my everything, but I can't stand when you do this and it has been so long. Hear me, please."

The conversation halted for a few long moments as Amunet tenderly kissed Angelique and caressed her face.,

"I am listening. Please speak, my sparrow."

"I know you are trying to protect me, but we are a team, partners. I do not want you to protect me right now; I want you to be honest with me."

Despite wanting to hear the rest, I ran. And ran.

A drunk boy blocked my path to the nearby wooded area. He tried to chat me up and I could not say a word. I shoved him out of my way and kept going.

"A rude girl is a lonely girl!" jeered the frat boy after me.

I kept walking as I called back, "I'm counting on it!"

But my escape failed when cold but soft arms wrapped around me. Amunet turned me into half of a dance before forcing us to both face a keg stand on the porch. Angelique rested her head on my shoulder and set her hand gently on my hip.

Amunet purred, "Do you want me to kill that one? Perhaps you would find him delicious."

"I asked you very politely not to keep pushing this on me."

"Come now, these humans are despicable. You would be doing the world and yourself a favor by feeding on one. In this room, you can do no wrong."

"With all due respect, I disagree."

"I understood when you were so devoted to Carlisle, but I am curious now. Why do you still refuse to drink human blood?"

"Because humans deserve to survive."

"It is not simply enough to say humans deserve to survive. Tell me why they are worthy of surviving."

I could not come up with an answer. But that did not mean I had not changed my mind about not wanting to kill humans.

"I killed several, despite not drinking their blood. They deserved what they got, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But murder… and it was murder, not real justice… it leaves a mark and it changes you."

"I can't say I know the feeling."

"Perhaps you've just forgotten it."

Amunet smiled. "You are probably correct. But what you are reborn to do, you are reborn to do. It is vitally important to be true to yourself."

"Not if that self is someone I hate. The most important thing in life is doing what you feel is right, and sticking by your moral code."

Angelique laughed and shook her head before saying in a remarkably matter-of-fact tone, "The only thing that truly matters in life — or undeath — is the appreciation of beauty, and even that is pointless."

I wanted to not believe her.

I didn't believe her.

Yet, maybe sometimes I did.

I escaped the party as soon as I could, wandering the woods, finding a deer dinner, losing even more of my certainty about everything in the world.

It started to rain.

And, yet again, I could think of only Isabella Marie Swan.

[X]

When we got back to the latest motel, I tensely waited for opportunity as Amunet and Angelique retired to their room with lustful eyes, and Victoria headed out onto the balcony as part of her near-dawn ritual. The moment I was alone, I grabbed my purse and shut myself in the closet. I kept my senses acutely attuned to the room outside as I withdrew the burner phone and swiftly set it up..

I had to talk to Bella because I finally knew what I needed to say.

But it was abundantly clear she did not want to hear it, as I tried her number and was sent to voicemail seven times before deciding to leave a message. It did not seem like an appropriate thing to put into a text, although I did send her a free pleading to talk to her. I no longer cared if I seemed pathetic or desperate; none of that mattered anymore.

"Bella, I need to tell you that… that I'm sorry, and I regret what I did but I'm in really deep right now. But mostly I want to tell you that I was being stupid and selfish. I left to protect you but you didn't need that right now, you needed me to be honest with you and I should have been from the start. I… I'm not like Alice or Amunet; I don't know what the future holds. I just hope somewhere in it, I'm holding you again. And if that happens, I'm never goun* to be stupid enough to let you go. Please call me back."

I could only manage a few moments before dialing another number and impatiently waiting through two tense rings.

"What's up?" casually answered my brother.

"Emmett?"

His fine immediately changed from languid to frantic. "Rose, thank God. We need you to come home. Text me your address and I'll be there as fast as I can."

"I can't right now. When Carlisle goes home he can explain."

"What?"

"I need you to do something vital. I need you to tell Bella that—"

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Bella's gone. She ran away from home two days ago and nobody has any idea where she went. We were all hopina where she went. We were all hoping she was with you."

"Tell me more. What exactly happened."

The call ended before I could get my answers.

Zero bars.

Fuck these desert towns.

I desperately walked into the hall, praying for reception, for just two more minutes on the phone, but then I froze in place when I heard Amunet's glossy voice say 'loup-garou' and 'promettre' to her mate. They could be talking about no one else but Bella, and a lightning bolt of fear struck me.

Slowly, doing my best to restrain my terror and focus,, I stepped closer to the door and listened to the hushed conversation in rather dated spoken French.

"Then keep your promise," said Angelique. "Tell me why the werewolf girl is so important to you."

"Because the only scar on my indestructible body comes from one of her ancestors, and now her filthy maw has given me my first wound in centuries.I had truly believed I wiped them from existence until I encountered those three at the manor. I need her."

"It is a risk, but I trust you."

"Rosalie Hale is with us, and at last the wolf has left the protection of her hallowed ground, just as I foresaw. The hunter already has her scent.. I've seen it. And I've seen that I will be successful. We will have her within the fortnight."

My eyes bulged. It took everything to stop me from barging in there, but I could not afford to let Amunet know what I had heard.

"You're sure we can contain the wolf?"

I lost it. I leapt from my hiding spot.

"The wolf has a name. Bella Swan. And I am not going to let you hurt her!"

I was unconscious before I was even ready to throw a punch.

[X]

Waking up was not a feeling I was familiar with, and it disoriented me incredibly. As did the bright, pale fluorescent lights above me.

"Where am I?"

Amunet's beautiful yet terrible face came into view. "My friend has a research facility to run tests on our kind so we can discover more about us. Don't give me that face. I don't intend to run any tests on you. This is simply the only place adequate to imprison a vampire outside of Volterra." Pause. "Until she breaks."

"I never will."

"You might, once your wolf finally becomes our latest lab rat. We don't really need you until she gets here, so you can get comfortable. I'll let the Volturi know their new spy is permanently indisposed. I think I will simply tell people you have been destroyed. It will be simpler."

"What do you want with Bella?"

"Knowledge. But not just about her and her kind's powers. This imprinting on a vampire of all creatures. I will find out what it means and how it works. After all, we have until the end of time."

"I called Emmett before I overheard you and Angelique. He knows where I am and he and my family and the wolves and the Volturi are coming for me."

"Rosalie, you are an impressive vampire and remarkable woman, but a terrible liar. It really is a shame that you will not join my cause voluntarily, but I expected resistance. I have no use for allies who cannot think and act for themselves. I hope you can see beyond the blindness of youth and realize I was only demonized for having radical and new ideas, and because I threatened men who thought themselves better myself despite confusing order with terror. All I want is what is best for vampires. For us to no longer hide in the shadows. For us to have a proper place in the world rather than scurrying around like rats."

"You're not an idealist or a leader. You're nothing more than another power hungry dictator out for petty revenge!" I growled through bared teeth. Despite my current situation, it felt fantastic to say what I had been thinking all along.

"Unfortunately for you, history will not remember it that way." Amunet began to walk away before stopping in her tracks. "I almost forgot. Here, so you don't starve before your wolf arrives."

II had only just managed to sit up and look at the cell surrounding me, made of bare metal furniture and mirrored walls when the bound and gagged human man stumbled in.

He fell to his knees. I leap to my feet.

Amunet left and locked the door behind her.

[X]

Time passed and passed, but I had no idea how much of it.

My hours were spent trapped between fear for Bella and futile attempts at escaped. I helped the hurt human as much as I could, but he was too traumatized and afraid to go anywhere near me or speak a word no matter how much I prodded for conversation.

I withdrew the engagement ring from my bra mere minutes into captivity and I was still clutching it for eons later. It was becoming more and more difficult to have faith I would ever be able to give it to Bella.

Time passed and passed, and I lost track or everything among the bright lights and mirrors.

Everything was distorted, even my reflection. It felt not unlike being in a funhouse at a carnival. The only clear thing was the pulsing blood of the human beside me.

And eventually, despite a valiant fight I was no longer a conscious person with a conscience.

I had become Thirst, and nothing else.

The ripping of flesh and splattering of blood went quickly and was as cloudy as a dream.

A nightmare.

But after draining an innocent life, my mind finally became crystal clear.

I walked to the walls of my cell without even wiping my mouth.

As I gazed into the mirrored window of my cell, I hardly recognized the eyes staring back at me.

They were scarlet.

And full of nothing but rage.

---

LEAH

---

A week or so after Bella vanished, only Charlie Swan bothered with missing posters. He was in a wretched state and I felt awful for him, but I didn't know what I could do about it. Days kept going by without her, situations kept getting worse, and even though we knew way more about her life, her story, her powers and her purpose, we did not have a clue about her location either.

Bella was gone.

At least for now.

I, of course, didn't know what was going through her head or any details of whatever her plan was. Since, losing Rosalie, it seemed to get harder and harder to understand my best friend with each passing day.

It was even harder to understand why she left without saying goodbye.

But I got it, to enough of an extent that I wasn't angry with her.

She imprinted on a vampire, got stuck in a wacky war worthy of a shit Game of Thrones subplot, and had to lead a pack full of tension and resistance against her. Had to become a mythical wolf beast and a vampire bride. Bram Stoker would bust a nut.

But honestly? She was a reserved, clumsy, sad but happy girl from your average American broken home, dealing with heartbreak and family secrets that she wished stayed buried. She was a raccoon in a trap and I also would have chewed my leg off, cut and run.

Most of all, I understood perfectly what it was like to be haunted by the ghost of a birthright.

Unfortunately, no one else in the pack saw it that way. Jake still loved her and cared about her like me, but he couldn't hide his anger.

She was the white girl who consorted with the enemy and then ran away in a time of war, something even I struggled to not see as a betrayal.

I pitied none of them, nor did I bother to explain myself. And I sure as Hell didn't feel bad for the Cullens.

But seeing Charlie, and knowing there was no way to reassure him, no way to explain…

It damn near broke my heart to witness.

And for the first time, I actually felt genuine anger towards Bella Swan for her decision, whether I empathized with her reasons or not.

It seemed unlike her to do this to her dad and her friends. She better explain herself damned well when she comes home, I thought.

At the moment, Jake and I were in Forks, making uncomfortable small talk with Chief Swan as we prepared to help him put them up. We were about to take off with ours when two vampires walked inside. The stench of cold death made my nose wrinkle.

"I'm so sorry we're late!" chimed the small girl one. Alice, I assumed from Bella's descriptions

She had a male Cullen in tow, but I had no clue who he was. He had a kind face, despite his stench and vampiric features.

"It's no problem," said Charlie. "Oh, uh, this is Jake and Leah."

The pretty leech chirped, "I'm Alice, and this is Jasper."

Jacob was just glaring, so I gave an awkward nod and slightly forced smile. I couldn't stand the vampires either, but at least I was a reasonable enough person to be polite. Jake never masked his emotions. Maybe I liked that about him; I wasn't sure.

Jacob snorted. "I didn't know the Addams Family was coming."

I tried and failed to suppress my snicker.

They returned awkward smiles and I turned to Jake. "As usual, all the subtlety of a hand grenade," I sighed at my boyfriend.

Alice did giggle before murmuring a sugar sweet apology to Jacob. It was probably the most vibrant action I had ever seen a vamp do.

I got the feeling her DNA may have been made of pink cupcakes, leech or not.

She said sweetly, "We should split up to cover more ground," and Jake grunted in bitter agreement before Alice added, "We really should exchange phone numbers in case something happens."

Her emphasis on the last word was not lost on me, but Jacob kept grinding his teeth, and I thought it unwise to share with him. He was too angry, and blamed the leeches for Bella being gone.

But I knew that in case something happens was not about the posters. She wanted to be able to call if Bella resurfaced… or was in trouble.

I elbowed Jacob and the four of us swapped and typed to follow Alice's advice before finally shoving our phones back in our pockets.

Animosity between us or not, once Charlie returned, we set out, unfortunately accompanied by leeches, and went to hang up the useless posters for a girl who was not quite missing.

[X]

I sat next to Jake on his comfortable sofa while we watched the Seattle Storm decimate the Phoenix Mercury. While I was focused intently on the game, he was messing around with my watch, intending to fix it, but more likely to break it. He was too stubborn to admit that a watch was not the same as a vehicle.

I turned to him and saw his frustration.

In an attempt to distract him I teased, "I hope you know I'm leaving you for Sue Bird."

He looked up and laughed. That relieved me.

"You'd be an idiot to give me up. I'm the full package, and you love it."

I teased with a smug smirk,

"I'm only using you for your body and free repair services."

"Awww, you know you're a damned smitten kitten. Just say it." Jacob laughed as I pointedly rolled my eyes.

That was totally a free pass to whack him with a couch pillow.

"Never." I smirked.

He kissed me quickly and resumed his repair attempt, silent save for occasionally cussing under his breath.

As I tried to return my focus to the game. I absentmindedly combed my hair with my fingers as my thoughts swirled and spun. Abandoning the watch, Jacob set his hand on my arm, and I finally exhaled, albeit not with relief, but simply a brief reprieve.

All of my thoughts suddenly spilled out of my mouth. "I think Rose and Bella… and even Sam and the Cullens and… I mean I'm a dead cynic most of the time, but I think they all really are just trying to do the right thing in their dumb bullshit opinions and it makes everything just… ugh."

"Well," said Jake with a shrug I deemed too casual, "you know what they say about the road to Hell."

"I never wanted this. None of the pack did even if all you idiot guys think it's so cool and manly and exciting. We deserved normal lives like everybody else and we got royally fucked by this vampire war that's ours for no goddamned reason. None of us wanted this."

"The leeches never asked us what we wanted."

"Not just the leeches."

We exchanged a glance, and my crestfallen gaze shifted to my feet.

Not just the leeches.

[X]

The next mid-morning, Jake and I were hanging out in his garage. He was driving me crazy yet again, but doing something normal felt good.

"Oh, you're acting like a jackass. It must be an even numbered day," I said with a fleeting roll of my eyes.

"I'm just saying that—" He dropped his wrench and cursed as he dove down to pick it up.

I groaned, albeit suppressing a smile. "Jake, I care about you a lot but I want you to know that some nights I wish you would drink gasoline."

"All part of my charm," he joked.

"You are so lucky you're cute," I groaned.

"So are you."

I just leaned back against the wall and peacefully watched him work for a few minutes.

He lifted his head, expression oddly grave, and stared directly into my eyes. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to leave Bella's safety and the future of our tribe in the hands of the leeches. Bella seemed pretty convinced our tribe has something to do with the crazy B-horror movie leech bitch, right? Maybe she was onto something."

I hated to admit it, knowing this would probably result in nothing but trouble, but I completely agreed with him. We had to do . We had to take fate into our own hands.

"What do you suggest we do?"

"I think we should get access to the tribe archives. All the oldest documents and relics that most people haven't looked at in basically decades. I don't know why they wouldn't let us take a peek. They do it for pale face PhD's. Why not for us?"

"Okay. I'll give the Tribal Center a call."

Jacob frowned, eyes downcast as he rubbed at his sweaty forehead. He left streaks of grease where his fists touched his skin. I waited, albeit impatiently, for him to look back up.

"I already tried. They said we could schedule an appointment in three weeks at the earliest. So I talked to my dad and Old Quil. No luck. My dad said not to get involved in the leech shit. Said I had to respect Bella, and keep my nose clean to keep us safe. Old Quil gave a huge boring lecture about how I could expose us and cause a disaster by acting irrationally about Bella."

"Do you think there's something in the archives that makes them think we'd do something crazy and dangerous? Or maybe something that could get the pack in bad trouble?"

"That's my guess."

"Shit. I wish you had told me. Maybe I could've helped,"

"I doubt you could've. Nobody gets it, even my fucking dad." Jake grit his teeth and ferociously kicked and empty toolbox. I flinched as it crashed into the garage wall. "They haven't seen what we have. No matter what's in those archives, it can't get us into anything worse than the leeches got us into. And even if I left Old Quil and my dad out of it, it's not like I could explain to dammed curators why this shit is urgent and time sensitive. They'd think I'd lost my damned mind."

"Well, you do bounce between a tad crazy and absolutely certifiable." My lips twitched with a smile and his expression briefly softened. "It wouldn't be too much of a stretch ."

"There's only one thing we can do. We go into the archives on our own. Nobody has to know. I mean, it's our tribal history, our heritage. How much trouble can we get in for swinging by after hours?"

"Well, we could be charged with breaking and entering. Go to jail…"

"It's for Bella. Nobody else is gonna do it but us."

He had me there. It made it feel almost impossible to refuse any reckless or insane plan to help our friend.

"I want to. If it could help her… I want to. But I also don't want to spend my junior year in prison."

"Maybe somebody left the door unlocked. It's not breaking and entering if the door is unlocked," said Jake.

I rolled my eyes pointedly but he just grinned. "I'm pinning all of this on you if it goes wrong."

"That's fair." He laughed.

So, Jake swept his workshop table clear, and we got to work on our plan.

[X]

Two nights later, we were dressed in black and sneaking around the tribal archive building well after operating hours.

We took our chance and clambered in through one of the few unlocked wndows.

"Could you close the window a little louder?" Asked Jacob exasperatedly as soon as I hopped down into the main library.

Jacob looked at me like I was somehow the crazy one. It's past midnight; no one is here."

"If your lack of grace gets us caught, you don't get to pin it on me anymore.".

"Don't worry," I said, "I've got a cyanide capsule and a false tooth. If I'm caught I'll do the honorable thing."

"You're having way too much fun with this," replied Jake, but he could not hide that messy grin of his.

I shrugged. "Can't help it. I feel like I'm in a Bond movie."

"I'm Bond, right?"

"Hell no. More like Austin Powers at best. I'm Bond."

He playfully shoved me before resuming our very illegal pursuit.

We walked for a while. Even having lived on the rez for all of our lives, neither Jake nor I spent much time in the library, especially not in the dark while committing a crime.

Still, thankfully, we quietly followed the signs leading towards the closed and locked special archives.

At last, without getting caught so far, we made it to the front office blocking off the archives from anyone without an approved and thoroughly vetted request to enter. I found it unfair that the tribe members couldn't access it all at once, but I did understand that the artifacts and records inside were old, priceless, and very susceptible to accidental destruction at the hands of the general public.

Quickly, Jacob and I started our search for the key. Every creak, clatter and click made me nearly piss myself. This seriously better be worth the price of potential arrest.

After two or three minutes of digging around, Jacob tapped my shoulder and turned me to look at him.

"Did you find the key?" I whispered.

He did not answer me as he grabbed a Sharpie from the desk.

"Are we adding theft to the charges now?" I uneasily joker.

"Give me your hand."

"What? No."

"Leah Clearwater, for once in your damned life can you not be difficult?"

My lips twitched with a small smile. "Nope."

He grabbed my hand and held it to the dim light.

I began to panic as I thought he may do something idiotic like draw a ring around my finger, but he put our initials and a stupid but sweet grade school plus sign on the palm of my hand and then did the same to himself.

"I can't wait to show this off to the other girls on the playground."

"I'm not good at words."

"I noticed."

"It means, uh, it means I'm done hiding this. Us. Whatever we are."

I was so stunned that I could not even tease him. All I could feel were butterflies in my stomach and the heated flush of my face.

"Okay. Cool," I said sincerely. I mentally kicked myself for not managing to think of anything romantic to say.

But it seemed like he was expecting it. I guess I'd anticipate the same from him.

For a moment, we forgot why we were here.

For a moment, we forgot about magic, monsters and impending war.

For a moment, we forgot about the fact that we only had each other for as long as our wolf biology would let us.

While brief, I reveled in the eye of the storm.

He leaned in to kiss me and suddenly I snapped back to reality and set my hand on his face to drag him back into the real world with me.

"Indiana Jones style heist first. Then we can make out," I said.

He rolled his eyes and waved his big, strong hand dismissively at me. I huffed, but he still did go to the door and manage to get it open.

I cursed and nearly punched him in the face when he did so by breaking the door handle, but we did not have time to bicker bitterly as usual, since we now had added destruction of property to the potential charges.

"This better be worth it," I muttered through gritted teeth and a tense, sore jaw.

Jake and I went inside the climate controlled, pristine room. It hit me like a slam to the gut when I saw the seemingly endless maze of books and boxes.

Still, this was important and we had come way too far to turn back now, so we split up and started our search of the labyrinth.

In the following hour or two, I found so many astounding and interesting things that were difficult to peel myself away from and focus on the relevant information that may or may not exist. It seemed unfair to lock all of this away, but I somehow kept my thoughts solely focused on what we currently sought.

A few minutes from hour three, I was nearing the point where I wanted to grab Jacob and get the Hell out of dodge. We still had plenty of time before anyone would be here, but beyond our illegal activities, something in here made my stomach churn and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

But I could not fret long, because at the key moment, Jacob commanded me to come over.

I set down a ledger of tribal records in the early 1900's and ran to him.

Incapable of proper speech, Jacob held up what he found, his expressionless face saying more about his aghast horror than words ever could. My heart skipped a beat, and with no regard for the fragility of the pinned parchment, I dove forward and snatched the archaic pages from his hands.

I flipped through, reading rapidly as the sweat on my fingers faintly stained the weathered but well-preserved documents.

"Show me where you found it," I ordered, and he did not make a snarky comment or call me bossy. He just pointed at the box and we both began to dig through, the tally of newfound knowledge and terror rising with each fragment found.

What we found was not worth being caught breaking and entering for.

It was worth dying for.

---

VICTORIA

---

Even before I became a vampire, I did not have much in the way of a conscience. A life of servitude, betrayal and having no time for thoughts or hopes other than surviving until the next day did that to a person. My sister, my situation, not even the shift in perspective from the Cullens could ever erase it, and the paranoia I have lived with since.

I never had bothered with right and wrong. Or maybe I just never knew the difference.

It was an easy, peaceful way to live, and with a past like mine, it was really the only way I knew how to live,

But, although I could not say I had ever come close to developing a conscience, even after what happened with James and the Cullens, I also could not say I felt right about holding Rosalie hostage, but if it was the only way to keep her from running to her dog, I wasn't sure if I wanted to resist Amunet's orders.

I always knew I was selfish.

Just not this selfish.

It didn't help that I knew if I tried to help her I would end up either dead or tossed into one of those horrifying cells myself.

Usually, I felt powerful, in control. But right now I felt like a rat dropped into a cage of snakes, sitting helplessly and trying to blend in. I was fifteen and human and afraid, the way I promised myself I would never be again.

I punched my powerful fist into the hotel room wall as I snarled. I hated the weakness in me. The part of me that had experienced friendship, family, and actually liked it.

The only person I ever cared about was James.

Rosalie's mate, the Cullens, Amunet, everyone I had come to care for tore him away from me.

I was a coward.

I was a traitor.

And worst of all?

I was Rosalie Hale's friend, yet I betrayed her.

So, now I had to weigh my options. It was odd to me that, in so little time, being as cold and calculated as I had always been became so complicated.

I did believe in Amunet, but I also knew she would kill me without hesitation to further her own goals. It was well worth it to keep my mouth shut and feign worship of the ancient woman.

I had believed in my one true love, James, but I would have died if I stayed with him.

I never believed in the Volturi and their bullshit, but they may be my ticket to survival and a thousandth fresh start.

Yet, somehow my vampiric power, my cold pursuit of self preservation, was muddied by a first forgiveness despite coming on to her when she had a mate, and a first friend whom inexplicably wanted nothing in return.

Amunet said she would be fine. Amunet said she trusted me and I would not only be fine, but rule the world by her side.

For now, I saw no safer path for me than to pretend to believe her.

Partial ignorance, I decided, was partial bliss.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to silence my confused thoughts, but the moment I opened them, Amunet appeared before me.

Her eyes glimmered with feigned kindness and her upturned lips reeked of artificial sugar. My sister once told me that the wider the smile, the bigger the lies, and that advice — unlike her — had never once let me down.

"I'm surprised how quickly you figured out Rosalie's scheme," I said smoothly, trying to test the waters as gently as possible. "I wish I had discovered it earlier."

Amunet laughed faintly and gave me a condescending look.

"Well, unfortunately, you seemed to trust her."

"Her mate killed mine," I snarled. The anger behind my words was real, so raw and sincere that it surprised even myself.

"True. But losing a mate creates a complicated state of mind. I have, of course, studied it as deeply as I have studied all aspects of the supernatural." She looked me over before at last saying, "Here is a piece of advice from me, that I hope you remember for eternity. Victoria, my dear, trust is for fools. Assume everyone will betray you, and you shall never be disappointed."

Before meeting the Cullens, I would have wholeheartedly agreed.

But now, my only thought was that it sounded like an incredibly lonely way to live.

"But you trust Angelique, don't you?"

Amunet very faintly frowned. Fear hit me like a searing lightning bolt; I might have crossed a line and it might have been the last line I ever crossed.

"Yes, with everything in me. That is why love is so difficult. To trust someone not only to not betray you, but to trust them to accept you as whoever or whatever you really are."

I nodded.

She hit something deep, but I doubt it was what she wanted to trigger in me.

The Cullens were self righteous fools, but unlike James or Amunet, they had no qualms about accepting me, even after seeing who I am.

Due to this new feeling, I sat contemplating for a while as Amunet and Angelique went out to hunt and make love and whatever came along with that. And, at last, I slipped into Amunet and Angelique's closet and found Rosalie's bag. I rummaged desperately through until I found the number the Volturi left.

Hastily, I typed it into my phone and let it ring.

"Hello, I have information on Amunet's plans and the whereabouts of a top secret base of hers, as well as the location and status of Rosalie Hale."

[X]

The next evening, a slip of hotel stationary bearing coordinates burning a hole in the bottom of my bra, I handed two concert tickets to Angelique.

"This is for you and Amunet. I've been feeling very lonely grieving James and I figured you two have been so busy with your work so perhaps you would like to introduce Amunet to some excitements of the twenty-first century."

"You should come with us."

"Sadly, I'm not in the mood for a threesome." I faked a sickeningly believable laugh. "At least right now."

Angelique laughed and winked. "We'll see how you feel about that in a few weeks. I appreciate this, as I am sure my mate will as well. Do you have plans?"

"Some solo hunting for men who are a good laugh and a tasty bite."

Angelique embraced me. She smelled strongly of Amunet's signature scent: fear and death.

But, thankfully, getting them away went off without a hitch, and I headed to the meeting point given to me by the Volturi over the phone.

It was an abandoned apartment building, not exactly what I anticipated from what I knew of the vampiric government.

I strode in and saw Jane, her brother and their cloaking device guards.

"Nice place, isn't it?" teased Alec as he bolted the door behind me.

"Honestly, I expected something… more."

Coolly, she said, "Sorry to disappoint. What do you want?"

"To talk to Aro."

She laughed. I clenched my fists.

"Aim lower."

"I'm risking a lot by giving you this information."

"You also would be risking a lot by not giving us this information."

"Yeah. And I don't care."

Her expression soured, but she did not lash out. My stomach turned as I realized, for the first time in my life, I did not care if someone hurt me or not.

Against all of my nature, despite my vampiric gift, I no longer gave a damn.

The Universe was messy, the world was teetering on the edge of destruction, I was stuck either groveling to Amunet or serving the Volturi, and God had long ago become a book of matches and a mouthful of fresh blood.

[X]

Above all else I was suffering through as Amunet's cowardly lackey, nothing was more painful and maddening than the loneliness.

Nothing.

I had been in an endless blur until I was hunting in a bar, and saw a human man. Hiss features, his stature, all of it was my physical type, although I knew he was not meaningful in any way. He looked… familiar, but I could not place him.

I sat down across from him.

"May I buy you a drink?"

"No. But I'd love to buy one for both of us."

I smirked. "So, you look familiar. Have we met before?"

"You go to UW, maybe? It's spring break so I'm road tripping with my boys to the gulf. I'd say you looked familiar too, but if I saw a girl like you, I would remember it. I'm Riley. And you are…?"

"Boys don't get to know my name on the first date."

"What do they get to know?"

"The color of my underwear."

His eyes lit up. A foolish human man like all of the rest, although I had to acknowledge there was a certain sexual energy between us.

He cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. The blood rushing to his cheeks smelled sweet and fragrant and delicious.

"What about where you're from?" I brushed my fingers down his throbbing neck and inhaled the sweet fragrance of blood as he faintly shivered. "Let's solve this mystery."

"Boring small town up in Washington. Forks, it's called. The kind of place that makes you understand why grunge musicians all got addicted to heroin."

I laughed and we followed our desires up to the roof, clothes tearing off, until the moment before humans would begin to fuck.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I am giving you a choice." I bit down into his neck. Hard. He cried out. I drank until I pulled away, fangs dripping down my lips, my chin, my breasts.

He could only weakly groan.

"I can finish my meal, or I can give you new life and unimaginable power at my side…"

Fortunately, he chose wisely.

[X]

The second my work was done, I effortlessly picked up the writhing Riley and carried him to the motel.

I tossed him carelessly onto the bed. It would take time for the transformation to complete, and I thought it right to give him some small comfort as he went through the agony.

Angelique cleared her throat and cocked a condescending eyebrow. "May I ask who this… creature is?"

"Riley," I replied, perhaps too ferociously. The thrill of the night had made me overconfident yet I could not find it in myself to care about the consequences. "I made him to keep me company."

Amunet left without acknowledging me, but did not voice any disapproval. Angelique, however, set her delicate hand on my shoulder and after a brief lick of her lips smirked at me. My internal organs cried out in cringe.

"Nicely done. Just don't let him become a problem. Newborns are… unpredictable if not well controlled. Dig your claws in quickly and certainly enjoy him while you can." She lightly kissed my cheek and abandoned me in my room to be with her mate.

I laid down, although sadly rest was not much of an option. I never missed that aspect of being a human until I had to deal with all of this… heaviness.

After glancing at Riley, I shifted my gaze to the ceiling.

I thought after trashing her belongings and finding a new companion, I would quickly forget about my first and best friend.

But I was wrong.

[X]

The next day, I both became very bored of Riley's non-existent company (did it take me this painfully long to turn as well, or was he weak?) and very concerned about what was going on with Amunet, Angelique and their growing gang of cronies.

I, like every other creature on Earth, hated being kept out of the loop on anything important. The fact that my dire position meant knowledge determined whether I lived, died or, worst of all, spent eternity enslaved, only worsened that anger and unease.

Only so many gossip magazines and excess melodramatic hunts could keep me distracted. I tried my best to eavesdrop when it seemed more convenient than potentially fatal, but Amunet and Angelique seemed to speak almost exclusively in French when alone, and their minions either spoke in forms of code when it came to Amunet's schemes or were just as in the dark as I was.

I missed Rosalie and her love of languages that let her in on the truths shared between Amunet and Angelique. Considering the scraps I overheard each evening, Angelique was the only person to whom Amunet never lied.

But today, for the first time, I truly lucked out. Pressed against the thin wall and grateful for my heightened vampiric senses, Amunet and Angelique's French discussion became an argument in a spattering of languages before the climax burst out into English.

"I refuse to let you go alone!" snarled Angelique, her ordinarily intoxicating French accent now ugly and raw.

"And I have the final say." The power of Amunet's voice even frightened me, and I was not the target. Yet, Angelique began to shout and protest in what I could only imagine were very offensive French words. But Amunet quickly cut her off. "I will be handling the collection of the wolf personally. It is too much of a risk for you, mon moineau. Keep watch over Victoria, Rosalie and the others while I'm gone. Especially that newborn scum; he is a risk."

Finally, Angelique relented and quietly said, "Be careful, ma chouette. We still do not know the extent of the mongrel's power."

Amunet cackled. It sent a shiver down my spine.

"I am indestructible. You have nothing to fear." But despite such confident words, her voice wavered in such a way that I could hardly believe she was the one speaking.

I scurried back to my bed and flipped open a trash magazine to a random page as soon as I heard Amunet enter the hallway.

Sure, I was afraid.

I wished I knew how the conversation began, and worried I had missed something vital, but one thing was clear from what I heard.

Amunet the Unstoppable and Undying was perhaps not entirely indestructible.

[X]

Riley survived the change.

It perhaps was good in at least one way that Amunet was gone hunting Bella, since my new attempt at a mate looked like an utter fool as he woke and panicked.

I kissed him as he woke, feeling not unlike the prince in Sleeping Beauty. It did not make me feel guilty like forcing a kiss onto an unwilling Rosalie, but it did not make me burn with passion like kissing James.

James…

I would never get over him, even if I made an army of boyfriends to dote on me.

It took time, but I soothed Riley through his initial rejection of his new eyes, new body, and new ravenous hunger. Once he embraced his new world, I embraced my relief at no longer needing to feign softness and sweetness.

"You're amazing," he drawled, staring at me with dark scarlet eyes of desire. They were almost black with lust and I could not help but feel flattered and frisky.

"I know it." I shrugged my shoulders seductively and flashed a wicked smile.

He leaned in, eagerly touching me, before freezing and crumbling, doubled over. The first hit of the thirst. I knew very well that the desperation of a man dying in the desert now plagued him. He coughed from the dryness of his throat and looked up at me pleadingly.

Maybe I liked them pathetic. Maybe not.

Either way, he could fill the void for at least a little while, and so I seized his wrist, pulled him to his feet, and took him on his first hunt.

[X]

Amunet returned days later.

The time passed more quickly for me than it had in ages thanks to teaching my vampire pet how to live as a superior being, and sleeping with him when it appealed to me.

She and Angelique kissed passionately as a party by the decrepit, closed motel pool began with pale, vampiric faces both familiar and alien to me.

Riley had fun. He was like a schoolboy in a candy shop, enjoying his first ever vampiric feast of sin and decadence.

But I had listened to the undertones in Amunet's speech. She said nothing openly about Rosalie, locked away alive and suffering somewhere I could not save her, or about the details of why capturing the wolf was important.

Most of all, despite her capturing Bella and imprisoning Rosalie, for reasons I doubted even Angelique fully understood, the stench of anxiety permeated her skin. Everyone here was too gorgonized to notice, but I could smell it from a mile away.

Maybe something in me snapped. A floodgate opened, or the bottle of anger in me burst, or perhaps the pleasures of the party dulled my senses.

I cornered her as she reclined in a half broken, filthy pool chair as if it were a throne made of pure gold.

"Congratulations on this victory," I said. "Whatever purpose Rosalie and her mate will serve, I'm sure it's grand. You have the wisdom and foresight for it."

"Spare me the flattery and get to the point. Tell me what has unsettled you. I know you have been swallowing something you wish to say," she purred in a lazy, confident drawl, her eyes gleaming with the thrill of tormenting me.

"It was your fault that Rosalie turned on you, and you can stop acting like it was intentional. You failed at using her for whatever your purpose was, and now she has to suffer over your pride."

"Go on."She was unfazed, but denied nothing in words or body language. If anything, she looked enticed by my statement.

"Trying to corrupt her was a mistake. I should've known that. She's a very stubborn woman, especially about her odd values and opinions about human lives. Why did you want that? I have no judgment, and I respect your authority and vast knowledge, but I'm curious and feeling a little out of the loop. If I knew more I could help more."

Amunet laughed in a way clearly intended to disarm and dismiss me, but I did my best to stand my ground. "I wanted her to embrace the fact that we are creatures of shadow and power. I wanted her to become her fullest self."

My next words poured out before I could prevent them. Well, if your intention is only working with the devil, you need only to look in the mirror."

"You're too funny," purred Amunet with a twisted and strained smile.

It infuriated me, but I also felt great relief that she did not kill me where I stood.

Amunet simply laughed, waved her hand dismissively and returned to the party thrown to celebrate her false mask of infallibility.

But just before leaving my sight and earshot,, she looked over her shoulder.

"Your gift is a wonderful one. You have the best chance of survival with me. Get over your attachments; they do not suit you."

She left me. I was glad of it, but afraid I would slip up and say something overbold again if I did not escape. I grabbed Riley, dragged him back to the motel room and had passionate sex with him until the party finally ended and I heard Amunet and Angelique return to their room.

I made my choice. The party, confronting Amunet, banging Riley instead of doing what I intended to do…

Now that I heard Amunet and Angelique, I knew it would soon be too late.

"Riley, babe, can you give me a minute?"

"Of course." He jumped to his feet and stepped outside onto the motel balcony.

I rolled my eyes. Perhaps his gift was being a boring pussy, the exact opposite of the man I once loved.

All the same, the moment I knew I was alone, and no longer pursued, I pulled out my phone and called the Volturi.

My mind swirled with panicked thoughts as it rang and rang.

Amunet now had Bella Swan in her clutches, and at last, the venom of remorse burning my stomach became too much to handle.

If I hoped for anything anymore, it was that Amunet would be crushed under the weight of her own ambition.

I was certain nothing short of that could possibly manage to stop her.

At last, someone answered.

It was time to lay aside my pride and beg the Volturi for assistance, even if it cost me my dignity.

As they say, better the devil you know.