Ch. 234
"Did you know, did any of you know?!" Wheeljack suddenly blurted out.
"That they were 'Cons?!" Knockout yelped, "Of course not! We've never heard of this project!"
"Soundwave's files: devoid of Brainstorm and Brainstorm research."
"Not all former 'Cons know other 'Cons," Breakdown frowned, "just like how you don't know every 'Bot!"
Arcee crossed her arms, "If Brainstorm and his little camera-cronies were a part of a separate division, it would have been strictly need to know," her voice grew quiet, "Not even he would have known unless it was absolutely necessary."
Bumblebee buzzed as he shuddered, saying how sorry he felt for all the other bots who had gotten mixed up in this horrible project.
Bulkhead shook his helm, "All that stuff Brainstorm was talking about... Evolving Cybertronians? The spark? And it didn't sound like he was doing it for the good of anyone."
Starscream was silently shaking at the back of the room. He could hear the conversation around him become a buzz unintelligible to him as his mind reeled from the information they had all just been imparted with. The humans about his peds were as silent as he was and he could feel their reassuring touches against his peds and lower leg as they did their best to show support.
The seeker winced at his own thoughts and flinched roughly when a loud voice cut into the room.
"You're a world burner!"
Everyone suddenly found themselves silent. Ratchet shook as his wide optics stayed locked onto Starscream, his servos planted firmly into a workstation to keep him from collapsing.
"You... defy everything that should be possible!" the medic continued, "Cheating death, traveling through dimensional pockets, through time, creating destruction-"
"Ratchet, wait," Smokescreen interrupted, "that's not-"
"That's only what we've seen so far!" Ratchet hollered, "And you're getting stronger! What you did to the ship- what you did to Optimus!"
Optimus frowned and stepped forward, "Ratchet, enough. I am fine. This is Starscream you are talking about."
"YES!" the older mech roared, pulling himself from the workstation as he shook with multiple emotions, each vying for a moment of expression, "It's STARSCREAM! He shouldn't even BE here- WE shouldn't even be here! He DIED, traversed through TIME and SPACE, and everything he's done to alter our state of being should have NEVER HAPPENED! How can the rest of you be so calm about this?! How can you not see how unnatural this all is?! No one should be capable of that kind of power! He's done nothing but send us through more pain and destruction every time he's messed with something! This- I shouldn't even have to be talking about THIS! None of you should be this blind to information so devastating and I shouldn't even have to be discussing it in the first place!"
The murmurs in the room were gentle and disagreeing. Frowns were being thrown Ratchet's way, disapproving and expecting better. But these actions were not seen by the seeker. He didn't mentally acknowledge the support he was getting. He couldn't feel... anything. The older mech's words bounced around in his helm, ricocheting off each other as they grew in power and pain.
He didn't care, he suddenly realized. The pain in his spark lifted. The mental dam he had disappeared. His blue optics began to lubricate in preparation. And his mouth began moving on its own.
"I tried to kill myself."
The room was silent. Starscream stared at Ratchet, his emotionless expression giving the distinct tone of a lack of care or privacy.
Knockout slowly moved closer to the seeker, "Starscr-"
"Don't touch me," Starscream flinched away, keeping his gaze on the medic, "He destroyed your base. I offered him everything to save you. Everything. He kept me isolated and alone and when he put a crown on my helm," he grit down on his dentals as tears trickled down his faceplate, "that was supposedly made from pieces of each of you, I threw myself off the side of the fragging Nemesis. I tried to kill myself because the thought of being without any of you- DON'T FRAGGING TOUCH ME!"
Knockout backed away as he shook, tears beginning to well in his optics.
Starscream panted and glared at Ratchet now, "I suffered for his amusement and fragging delight because that's what he slagging wanted. Not just now, but before, too. Every beating, every snide, verbal assault, the degradation, the fragging torment of being set up to fail- and then to come HERE and be subjected to his insanity: the mental torture, the disrespect, the violation of my personal space- the NICE slagging way of putting it, mind you... And you... you fragging stand here and dare to point at me saying I'm the monster?"
Ratchet didn't speak; this seemed to anger Starscream and he slammed his servos loudly against a workable, scaring everyone back, as his faceplates curled into a snarl, "YOU DARE CALL ME THE MONSTER?! After everything he fragging did- after everything I put myself through to save everyone of you, you call ME the monster?! I'M the dangerous one, I'M the problem, I'M the reason for all of your slagging torment?!"
Sparks slowly began to ripple between the seeker's wings, "I TRIED to talk to you, Ratchet! I TRIED to get advice on this whole FRAGGING mess! YOU shrugged me off; you didn't want to talk! So how the frag can you stand there and blame me for this whole- GET THE FRAG AWAY FROM ME, SMOKESCREEN!"
The white mech winced and trembled, "Star-"
"SHUT UP! I'M NOT SLAGGING DONE!" he pointed a shaking claw at Ratchet, "YOU had a choice and YOU had already decided that I wasn't WORTH talking to! You've seen me as the slagging problem since day fragging one!"
"I didn't-"
"YES, YOU DID!" Starscream roared, the sparks crackling between his wings dancing erratically, "I should have gone with my first fragging instinct! Because what was the slagging point in caring for any one of you ungrateful slaggers?! I saved all of you, every one of you, from death and what did that get me?! FRAGGED! That's what it got me! As if I didn't have enough problems with him pinning me down, beating me slagging near to death before, NOW when he gets me in his clutches, it's to violate me in nearly every SLAGGING way possible for his own messed up personal enjoyment and using the lot of YOU as a fragging weakness! Saving all of you was the worst decision I ever made! I should have LET this slagging timeline destroy ALL OF YOU- I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!"
Starscream lashed out and stumbled back, his claws slicing into something. The room became an eruption of panic. Concerned and upset voices drowned out the trickling of energon. Everyone was stumbling to create distance in this agonizing chaos.
And Starscream stared in horror at sad blue optics that stared back, "O-Op... Optimus, I-"
The Prime held his right arm close to his side, his servo slashed across the palm. His optics stayed locked onto the seeker as he held up his other servo gently.
"Starscream... it is alright... I am alright..."
"N-no, I... I didn't mean..." Starscream backed himself against a wall, "I didn't... want this to..."
"I know..." Optimus murmured, taking slow and confident steps forward, "and I am not upset. I am not disappointed."
"I... hurt you..."
"... Yes."
The word made Starscream's tank sink. The one mech who had been at his side, during the good and the bad, who had backed him, fought for and beside him, supported him through all of this in every which way he could...
Starscream could hear the trickle of energon dripping onto the floor now, creating a small puddle at the Prime's peds. Optimus's energon. Energon he spilled.
Optimus slowly reached forward, his left servo moving to touch the seeker's shoulder plating, "Starscream... it is alr-"
"NO!"
The seeker's sparks discharged in a bright display, knocking out the lights above. As the lighting flickered and tried to settle, Starscream rushed out of the room in tormented sobs. Optimus tried to run after him but Predaking dove in front of him and held the red mech tightly.
"He said 'no'!" Predaking huffed, tears in his optics as he shook, "He... he doesn't like to be chased..."
Optimus's form became heavy. He felt his spark break as he shuttered his optics, listening to Starscream's pedfalls grow further and further away.