Ch. 241
Starscream groaned in upset at the loud beeping from Optimus's COMM and sat up so he could roll away, letting out a whining huff, "No... Primus, noooo... Don't they know how early it is?"
Optimus sat up slowly as he sighed, "It is late enough, Starscream," he responded, activating his COMM, "This is Optimus..." his optics looked to Starscream for a moment before he nodded, "No. I believe he has turned it off."
Starscream grumbled and slowly pulled himself up into a better seated position, "Fragging right I turned it off... almost as soon as we got to this wretched cold place- last night," he finally stood angrily, "Are you listening to me- last night, it was very cold! And I didn't like it! Optimus! You can't leave the trailer locked, I wanted a tarp last night- what?!"
The seeker pulled his arm back when he felt Optimus's touch against the limb; the lithe mech's wings dropped when he saw the apologetic look in the Prime's optic, "I-I'm sorry, I was distracted... Um, what is it?"
Optimus managed a smile, "Some of your teammates would like to check in with you, Starscream, but they have been unable to reach you via your COMM."
Starscream scrunched up his faceplates, his voice lowering to a whisper, "Optimus. No. Please, no. I don't want to. Not right now. Do I have to? Why do they do this to me? Why do they-"
He silenced as Optimus held up a servo, "Give Starscream a moment. He and I just awoke from recharge and need time to recalibrate. You may update me on any matters you find important, however..."
Starscream wandered as he allowed Optimus to handle whomever was on the line. It wasn't that he didn't want to speak to the bot who was on the call, he was almost sure it would have been Predaking or Smokescreen, maybe even one of the children, but there was something heavy inside him that made it hard for him to think about handling any sort of extended communication... What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to express? If they told a joke, would he even be capable of laughing? Was he ready to extend himself emotionally? He was so unsure... And Primus help him, how awful would he feel if things just became awkward? That would be his fault, wouldn't it? Because he knew he was struggling enough to talk to Optimus. Talking to others was so draining...
The seeker found his peds taking him along the tree line just far enough for Optimus's softer responses to the bot at the other end of the COMM to become another sound among the local breezes and bird songs. It gave him the peace he was currently craving. The sounds muddled in his helm as he shuttered his optics. Just a moment more... one more moment to settle amongst the gently warming sunlight, the distraction of windswept leaves and the smell of a deeply breathing forest... He knew it was so much to ask for but he still wished it.
Starscream kept his optics closed even as he heard slow and heavy ped falls come up beside him and Optimus's voice as he ended his conversation.
"Yes, he will be here. ... Yes, you are welcome to COMM me back. Thank you."
The static of the COMM being turned off made Starscream sigh before he finally opened his optics and looked up at the Prime, "What are they up to?"
Optimus was smiling, "You are welcome to ask them yourself, if you are ready for such a thing."
Starscream's first reaction was to say 'no', but he knew Optimus had been getting to know him better than that. He would continue to ask questions until he got to the root of the problem. The seeker sighed more heavily.
"What do I even say? What do I do? Do I just listen or- Primus, what if they want me to tell them about what I've been doing? There's obviously nothing to discuss..."
Optimus hummed, "You are already so stressed for this. Perhaps I should COMM back to the Ark myself-"
"And have you handle this further on my behalf?! No..." Starscream shook his helm and crossed his arms, "No, that's not what I mean... I just can't see myself talking to them at all for very long. I'm... not sure how I'll conduct myself or even if that much time is wanted..."
The Prime reached out slowly and set a servo on the smaller mech's shoulder when Starscream leaned towards him, "Any time you are willing to give them is freely yours to give. You can speak to them for a moment or for as many hours as you feel you are capable of. They will not mind what you talk about, Starscream, only that you share with them some of your time. But they will all understand should you not be ready yet to do so."
The seeker grumbled as he nodded slowly, his gaze turned toward the ground, "... Trying won't hurt, I suppose..."
Optimus smiled warmly, "You will need to activate your COMM to do so and I will allow you some privacy with which to carry your conversation."
Starscream tapped at his audial to turn on his unit, frowning lightly as Optimus stepped away, "Well, wait, what if I don't say the right thing? Wait if-" his COMM began to beep, "Hold on. Optimus. Come back here, maybe you should stay here and help me talk to-"
"Hey, Starscrimus."
Starscream paused and Optimus looked back at him. The seeker trembled lightly as a smile slowly spread across his faceplates and his optics lit up.
"Oh, Arceemus. Were you the only one brave enough to call little ol' me?"
The Prime nodded gently as Starscream waved him away, the smaller mech chuckling at an obvious quip he had been rewarded with, "That stings, Arceemus. So rude..."
Starscream managed to stay on the call for longer than he expected. He was beyond thankful that the first bot to reach out to him had been the femme, with her wit and her demeanor as it was. And her complete understanding of his position. It hadn't been more than a few minutes of chatting before she asked him if they could talk again later. He didn't have to tell her he was low on social energy; she already knew. The seeker had been happy to agree to the arrangement and as he cut the COMM, he heard Optimus call from beside the trailer.
"How are you feeling?" the taller mech's voice boomed.
Starscream smiled gently and took in a large intake of air, the crispness both invigorating and relaxing; the seeker's pedfalls felt lighter as he walked back to their makeshift campsite, "Better! At least," he mused, "it is the best word I can use at the moment to describe it... So," he enquired cautiously, "what is on the agenda for today?"
Optimus hummed lightly as he removed folded tarps from the trailer and set them neatly beside the trailer's tires, "I had not planned anything today, Starscream. If you would prefer to spend time closer to our current-"
"No, no, no," Starscream interrupted quickly, "no, I'll stagnate... I need to move around and get some exploration done."
The Prime stood, "Are you certain this is what you want? Or is this something you believe me to want?"
An answer didn't come readily. Starscream's mouth had opened to answer but the words didn't emerge. He frowned before shaking his helm.
"I'm honestly unsure," he admitted, "I may want to simply come right back here after wandering for only a short time. I don't know the entirety of what I want..."
Optimus nodded, "Understandable," he smiled softly, "but perhaps that is what you need at this moment? To begin something with little certainty and find your direction as you enjoy the journey... Does that not sound fair?"
Starscream felt himself relax further; of course Optimus knew what to say to help him manage his thoughts. The seeker found himself nodding.
"I like that idea... But where should we go?"
"'We'?" Optimus questioned, "You wish for me to come with you on your walk?"
The seeker scoffed in a playful manner, "Oh, what else would you do while I was away? You'd sit here, worrying as to whether or not I'd return unharmed."
"A fair assessment, Starscream."
"I know it is," the smaller mech smiled, "which is why I am inviting you now to save you from any undue emotional strain or from finding you trying to sneak after me."
Optimus's optical ridges frowned in amusement, "You believe I would follow you in secret?"
Starscream nodded, "You would. But only up to a point. Because I do not think you are as sneaky as you seem to believe. This forest has many twigs. I'm sorry Optimus, but your peds will crush all of them."