A/N: Hello again! The muse has returned to finish this so we'll see if it sticks around lol no promises, but it was really this chapter and some other minor details that were holding me back in the first place, and I think I have them worked out so we shall see!

If I didn't love you – Jason Aldean ft. Carrie Underwood

XXX

I wouldn't mind being alone
I wouldn't keep checking my phone
Wouldn't take the long way home
Just to drive myself crazy
I wouldn't be losing sleep
Remembering everything
Everything you said to me
Like I'm doing lately

You, you wouldn't be all
All that I want
Baby, I could let go

If I didn't love you, I'd be good by now
I'd be better than barely getting by somehow
Yeah, it would be easy not to miss you
Wonder about who's with you

Turn the "want you" off whenever I want to
If I didn't love you
If I didn't love you

I wouldn't still cry sometimes
Wouldn't have to fake a smile
Play it off and tell a lie
When somebody asked how I've been

I'd try to find someone new (someone new)
It should be something I can do (I could do)
Baby, if it weren't for you
I wouldn't be in the state that I'm in

2 months after Mia had taken off, I had placed my full trust in Steven to run things. I hadn't told anyone what I was planning, because at this point I didn't trust anyone to keep the secret. I knew that some of the guys had been drawn into the drug trade deeper than I'd wanted them to be, but that wasn't the issue. The real issue was that I knew at least one of them was reporting back to New York, and that was what ticked me off. Boys I had looked after since they were all kids. I should have taken them down a notch, but I knew that if I mentioned anything about it, when it got back to New York, it would be twisted, and I'd be in shit.

The sun was setting when I parked my car by the curb outside my aunt's house. Ma was still living with her, working as a waitress at the diner in town. Angela lived there too, though she'd practically started living with her boyfriend the past month. Jamie was the first guy she'd gone with who I didn't want to knock out. He was working to get to college, and his apartment wasn't in the worst part of town.

I got out of the car and walked towards the house, spotting ma and aunt Lillian sitting on chairs on the step, smoking and talking quietly. Ma looked up at me with a smile as I came to the top and leaned against the post holding up the overhang.

"Tim honey, what brings you by?" Her whole demeanour had changed since moving out of the house, and if I was being honest she looked younger than I'd ever seen her.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," my voice wasn't working the way I wanted it to, since I'd been drinking so heavily the past couple days, trying to work up the nerve to do what I was planning.

"I'll go get some lemonade," Aunt Lillian stood, motioning for me to take her seat while she went inside. I went and sat, leaning back, and closing my eyes for a moment before turning to look at my mother. She had a knowing look crossing her face, and a part of me hated it.

"How are you doing?" She asked as the silence stretched out between us.

"Fine, just…" I didn't even know why I was lying to her, I could tell she didn't believe me anyway. "God ma, I miss her. I don't know what to do without her anymore. It's stupid, and irrational, I know, but not having her here is messing with my head." Ma smirked, lighting another cigarette before offering me the lighter to start my own.

"Oh, my darling, you're so in love with that girl." I didn't see what was so funny about it, seeing as I had figured it out myself only after she'd left. "Timothy, let me tell you something that I hope you're willing to listen and accept. I know you've talked to your father about some issues that we had before we got married. Now after everything we put you through, I understand if you don't want to take my advice, but please at least hear me out.

There is nothing worse than losing someone you felt a connection with, especially for something that could have been prevented, because yes Timothy, this whole thing could have been prevented-"

"No, Ma, it couldn't!" I stood and walked over to grip the railing. "Without getting her and probably myself killed, there was nothing that could have stopped her from leaving. Now she's gone, I assume to New York where she's in more danger than she ever was when she was here, and I can't protect her. I can't do the one thing Dallas demanded I do, and it's eating me up something awful and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even trust the guys I've got working for me anymore."

"What do you mean you could get yourself or her killed? Timothy, what have you gotten yourself into?" I took a deep breath, and before I could stop myself, I was spilling everything. Ma was the first person I was telling this to, and it was a massive relief to not feel the full weight of it on my shoulders anymore. She sat there listening, horror evident on her face at some parts, deep with sympathy at others. Finally, when I finished and sat beside her again, she reached her hand out and placed it on my knee.

"Timothy, I'm so sorry you've burdened yourself with this situation. I'm sorry you felt the need to do so, because this is something that no one should ever have to shoulder by themselves. If you want my opinion, I think you need to go to New York, find Mia, and tell her the truth. If what I've heard about her is true, she can handle herself and if she really is so close to this danger, she needs to have all the information. Right now she's putting herself in harms way with very little understand as to why."

"But they'll know, they'll find out and they'll hurt her before I can get to her." My heart hurt thinking about it, something I had never experienced before. "I have no way of even knowing if that's where she's gone. The only people who would know, aren't going to tell me anything."

"You said you think she told one of those boys she always spent time with? Why not talk to him? Seeing as he knows about the drugs, maybe he'll believe the reason why you did it." I sat there silently for a long time, thinking that if I had any chance, she was right, Soda was possibly the only person who I might be able to get through to, and therefore find out where she was.

"Thanks, Ma." I said before standing and leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"You're welcome, honey. And always remember that I love you. I never showed it but I do, you're my first but still my baby." I nodded and headed back to my car. Seeing as Mia was gone, I'd fixed the tires without fear of them being slashed again, plus I'd pointed out that it was a hellava lot harder to do drug runs with a bike.

I pulled up outside the DX station just as the cashier was locking the door. Soda and Steve were pushing down the bay doors, and when they saw me getting out of the car, I felt their hatred.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Shepard?" Steve snapped, coming at me like he was going to punch me before I could get an answer out.

"I need to talk to you, Curtis." I ignored Steve snapping at me like an angry dog and focused on the middle Curtis brother, who although looked like he wanted to punch me as well, seemed to be keeping his emotions in check.

"I ain't got nothing to talk to you about, Shepard." He replied, wiping his hands on a rag he'd pulled from his back pocket.

"Same, cause I've got something to talk to you about, and it can't wait." Soda sized me up before nodding at Steve to take off. Neither of them looked like they wanted anything to do with the situation, but begrudgingly went with it anyway.

"What do you want?"

"I need to know where Mia is, it's important." Soda laughed, full on threw his head back and laughed.

"You can't be serious! There is no way on this green earth that I would tell you that. You fucking hurt her, Tim. I don't even think she was that bad when Dally got shot. She had to full on leave this town just to get away from you. Why would you even bother asking me about this? You should very well know I would never tell you where she went." I took a deep breath and looked around to make sure I couldn't see any vehicle that might have someone watching us have this conversation before blurting it all out. I'd managed to keep this under wraps for so long and now I'd told 2 people in one day, man I must be desperate to get her back.

When I finished, Soda just stood there starting at me as if I'd grown another head.

"Why should I believe any of that story?" He finally asked.

"Because I have no reason to lie. I just need to know where she is because she's in danger and I… I love her, and I need to be there to protect her. I don't care what happens to me, I just need to keep her safe."

"You know if you'd told her all this before she very likely would've known what to do." I sighed, knowing he was right, but having been too focused on the possibility of it not ending well to care.

"It doesn't matter what I should've done, all I need now is to know where she is so I can go keep her safe, bring her back home or whatever I need to do to make sure these people don't get her." Soda watched me for a moment longer, and just as I was about to start getting angry, he sighed and nodded.

"Alright, well she is in New York. She's staying with a couple that her and Dally knew from before, a umm, Parker is their last name. I don't know their first so good luck with that." I nodded and started to get back in the car before stopping and turning back to him.

"Don't tell anyone about this. It's always possible that they've been having me followed even now that she's gone, and this could get back there before I can make it up." Soda nodded.

"Sure, Tim. Just be careful, and… and bring her back home. We all miss her." I nodded and left the station, heading for Steven's place. It was a good thing I'd left him in charge these past few months, as no one was going to question my absence, but I needed to tell him I wasn't going to be around. However, as I got closer, I saw several cars outside his house, and without even thinking on it, turned around and headed for the highway. I didn't know who to trust, and therefore anyone in that house could be a risk to talk around. I wasn't going to risk her safety anymore than I already had.

I stopped at the gas station before the highway, filled up the tank and picked up a map. I'd have to wait until I was in New York before trying to figure how I was going to find out who the couple was that she was staying with, which was going to be a nightmare on its own. How many people had Parker as a last name in a city like New York?

My plan was to drive non-stop until I got there, find somewhere to rest for a bit, and then start my search. Of course, of all the times she talked about her time in the city, she had never mentioned anything about these people that would be of any help to me now. I hit the steering wheel in frustration, knowing that I was on a time crunch to find her. I assumed he was already aware that she was there, and very likely was having her watched.

There wasn't much to look at going up the country along the highway, and aside from stopping at a gas station halfway there to get some crappy coffee, I drove straight through. It took about a day to get to the outer part of the city, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled into a shabby looking motel to finally get some rest. There wasn't much to it, a small building with an Office sign out front and a short row of rooms.

I walked in and paid for a room and after getting the key headed back for the car. It was on my way out that I saw it parked off to the side of the lot, tucked mostly out of sight.

Mia's truck.

I turned and walked back into the office to the bored looking girl at the desk, who raised a studded eyebrow at me.

"The girl who was driving that truck," I started. "Where is she? Has she been here recently?" The girl looked around me to see what I was talking about and shrugged.

"I don't think so, I wasn't here the night she got picked up by the Parker's, and as far as I know she hasn't been here since they took her away."

"The Parker's? You know who she left with?"

"Everyone knows who they are; Samuel and Jane Parker started a home for kids on the streets about 7 years ago. Their story is that they'd taken in a couple kids and got to learn firsthand what it was like for them to be in that situation. I guess they'd already had some money to spare so they bought a shelter building. They're decent people."

"Do you know where they live? Where I can find anything about them?" The girl narrowed her eyes.

"No," she said slowly. "Listen, I don't know who you are or what you want with them but it's not my place to give that kind of information out. Besides that, I don't know anything about them." I groaned inwardly and left, heading for my room. At least now I had names, I could use the phone to get information.

Adrenaline was now pumping through me, and I wasted no time reaching for the phone and dialling for an operator. I gave them the name and asked for an address, scribbling it down on a pad of paper by the phone. I hung up and ripped it off before dashing out the door again.

I'd never been anywhere so confusing in my life. The streets were crowded and complicated, twisting in seemingly every direction. To top it all off, rain had started to pour down, blurring what little clarity I'd had of my sense of direction. Finally, I pulled over and looked at the map. I found where I was and realized I was only a couple blocks from where I needed to be. I took a deep breath and pulled back out on the road, suddenly feeling the weight of everything happening. I didn't even know what I was going to say to her.

I turned onto the street and slowed to follow the numbers until I found the house I was looking for, which I passed by slowly when I spotted a car in the yard. I drove a few house down before I turned around and parked a distance away. I sat there thinking about what to say as the final light of day faded away.

You wouldn't be all
All that I want
Baby, I could let go

If I didn't love you, I'd be good by now
I'd be better than barely getting by somehow
Yeah, it would be easy not to miss you
Wonder about who's with you

Turn the "want you" off whenever I want to
If I didn't love you
If I didn't love you
Oh, if I didn't love you

It wouldn't be so hard to see you
Know how much I need you
Wouldn't hate that I still feel like I do
If I didn't love you

Oh, if I didn't love you
If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you, I'd be good by now
I'd be better than barely getting by somehow
Yeah, it would be easy not to miss you
Wonder about who's with you

Turn the "want you" off whenever I want to
If I didn't love you (yeah)
If I didn't love you
Oh, if I didn't love you
If I didn't love you
If I didn't love you
If I didn't love you

XXX

Next chapter is in the works so hopefully I will actually finish it and get it posted!

Reviews would be lovely!