Summary: "I guess I fell for the way he loved me, he loved me with such passion that I never questioned his love for me."
Word Count: 1529
Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters.

[First person POV]

"I remember not wanting to like him. There was a reason for that, of course. It wasn't because he wasn't "my type" or anything like that. I honestly have no idea of why I ever liked him, or better, why I ever loved him. But I did. I mean, I do." I sighed as I fidgeted with my hands, sometimes with the rings that still remained in my fingers. "I guess I fell for the way he loved me, he loved me with such passion that I never questioned his love for me."

"Loved?" The other person asked and starts to take notes. Or at least, writing things down, the person could have just easily been doing crossword puzzles. Oh!, how much he loved to do those...

"Do you think he still loves me?" I asked, maybe slightly scared of knowing the answer. He did, after all, promise to forever love me. That was so long ago, many moons ago, many fights ago.

"After everything I heard from you, he doesn't seem like someone that would ever stop loving you."

That person in front of me was right, unfortunately. As amazing as it was to think of how much he loved me, of how he would never stop doing so, I ruined him. He broke down, I made him leave, it wasn't his fault. And even before he left, he was long gone. His eyes, once full of love and hope for our relationship, for us, for me, were, when he left, bland from emotion, empty.

Empty as the glass of whiskey he would order every night at the bar. As empty as the bottle I found hidden under the bed. The one I confronted him about and he just uttered some words that I would wish he would take back and left. Left for good, not left for work, not left like the way he had before walking out on us.

Left as in I never saw him again.

And now, as I remember us curled up in our couch, smiling at each other, I can almost feel him breathing against my neck, the way it tickled and made me laugh. I think of us in his laboratory, how much fun we had in there. I remember how sweet he always was, how he was one of the few decent people I met. But then I remember how he was just before he left, how he wasn't present, around when I needed him.

I know I did that to him. And suddenly, when I hear a voice calling my name, I look up and all I want to do is be back into his arms. But I know I can't.

"Let's talk about the last time you saw him."

"It was when he left me when I showed him the bottle and..."

"We both know that's not true." I was interrupted by the person in front of me. The one person that made me not go crazy. And that person was right.

It hadn't been the last time.

I saw him later, about a year later. Maybe twelve moons ago. More or less. We locked eyes, said nothing, walked away. I saw him from across the street, and I couldn't take my eyes away from him. It was as if our eyes were magnets with different poles that are attracted to each other. I remember him teaching me that, and it stuck with me. I remember smiling brightly at the sight of him, he looked so handsome. But, he always did.

But then I saw her. My heart started to beat fast, of jealousy, of hatred for the woman that took my man's heart. I don't think I was surprised when I saw them together, only hurt. Yeah, that's the right word. I was hurt. Because he had promised me that he would always love me, and only me. But he was with someone else, which probably meant he didn't love me anymore.

I was hurt. Now, I'm just mad at myself for not crossing the street and say hello, see if he still owned his ring in his left hand like I still did. Mad at myself for not telling him I regretted how we left things.

"It was complicated. And I regret not talking to him after seeing him."

"Did you try?" The person asked and starts to write notes once again. I smile at the thought of crosswords, such an ordinary thing that held so much meaning to me.

"Try to talk to him?" The person nodded. "I did. I spent that same night staring at my phone with his number just there, but I didn't feel courage enough to click on his number and talk to him. I wanted to but I didn't know what to say. What do you say to a person after this?" I ask the wind, to the walls, to everything but the person in front of me. I didn't expect an answer, and I didn't get one.

"Do you still have his number?"

"No," I admitted it. "I deleted it from my phone to make sure I wouldn't have the tendency to call. I need to move on the same way he did."

"How do you know he moved on?"

The person asked, but I don't answer. I get flashbacks from the two of us in bed, me lying with my head on his chest, feeling him breathing, hearing his heartbeat. I remember our shared kisses like it was yesterday, but at the same time, I feel like I'm forgetting how his lips tasted. By the end I could only taste the bitter, burning alcohol he would consume. Not the taste I like to remember.

And maybe I don't want to remember. But I also don't want to forget.

"He's with another person. I saw them holding hands. He moved on." I admit, I never enjoyed jealousy. It's a gross emotion, it's not a nice one. But I can also admit having felt jealously more than once in my life. And the moment I saw them, I felt jealousy. I did.

"That doesn't mean-" A ringing is heard, meaning that an hour as passed. I should remember to stop staring into nothing from time to time, our conversations would be better.

"Please continue," I beg.

"See you next week Penny. Hour is up and I have other patients." She writes something down on her (probably crosswords...) notes and then looks up. "I'm sorry."

I sigh and get up, passing through the front desk to say goodbye to the receptionist like I always do. After she says goodbye to me, I leave to my car.

The drive home was a quiet one. The music was a calm one, and it was so low that I could barely hear it. I passed through all the places we used to walk past too, all the places we used to go with our hands interlocked. But I no longer cry with the memories, I only smile. Because, even though I caused his leaving, I still love him. I always will.

When I finally get home, I see a letter on the ground. It had my name, and I pick it up. I immediately see from who it is, recognizing the handwriting.

"Penny,

I love you, I always will. I promised that years ago, and I still haven't broken that promise. I never meant to do this to s but I just didn't know what to do anymore. I lost myself. I needed time to find myself again, so I left. I left so that you could have the life you always wanted. Have the things I could never give you. I left, and now I question if I want you back. I think I proved a million times that I don't deserve you back, not after everything I did. But I want you to now I haven't forgotten you. I hope you know that.

Love,

Leonard"

I wasn't crying when I finished reading it. I was actually smiling, and I was relieved. Relieved that I wasn't the only one missing us. Us singing along to some song on the radio without a care in the world, the way our ridiculous voices made my ears burn a little and made me laugh so much my belly hurt and my eyes tear up.

I was relieved.

So, the next session I went to, I was better. I still missed him, nothing would ever change that. I don't think that another man would ever change my mind on whether or not I love Leonard, or would make me forget how much I love him. Because I always will. No matter how far away he is, or how far I am. And when, after three years, I saw you again, we weren't as miserable, we weren't as broken. And we could sit down and talk, talk about his new wife, his new son. And we spoke about my new job, my new apartment. We spoke about everything but us. Because there was nothing to talk about anymore. And that was okay.

Even if it wasn't.

The End

Sorry for such a weird story, or angsty? Not sure. I had this story thought of as fluff, but after writing the first few lines, I changed my mind and did this mess. I actually like it, which is weird because I usually don't love my angst stories (even though I love writing them!?). I hate to break them up, I'm sorry, but I felt like I needed to write something about them not being together and without other characters from the show. Or have them back at the end.

So, until the new episode comes out, bye-bye! :)