AN: What I have to say in defense of my hiatus? LOL I have nothing.
Disclaimer: Why am I still doing these? Seriously?
Chapter Four: Mai
Dear Zuko,
Please stop sending letters. I'm not coming back. These letters are a waste of time, I am going to move on, and you have to too. This is the only letter I'm writing. I won't write back again.
Mai.
How sad. Azula hadn't decided weather or not she was going to give her dear brother the letter or not. On one hand, if she didn't, he would wonder why he never got a response, he would be left without any closure, well apart from all the other times Mai had attempted to cut him off. On the other hand, this letter would crush him.
"Who's the message from? It looks expensive." Well, Azula would have time to ponder over it later.
"Oh just an old friend in Omashu, her father is the ambassador there." Didn't Katara know it was rude to ask people about their mail?
"Is she coming to the wedding? Sorry, I don't mean to be a snoop, I just haven't had the chance to meet much people my own age locked up in this palace." Azula held the desire to roll her eyes, she absolutely did mean to be a snoop.
"Locked up? Oh please, you're not a prisoner Katara." Although she supposed being forced to spend the rest of one's days chained to her incompetent dip of a brother did seem quite like a prison sentence.
"I know that, but it's not like I can really go anywhere." This time the eye roll came out.
"Oh please, you're starting to sound like Zuko. You can go wherever you please. In fact, why don't we go somewhere right now."
"What? Azula we can't just leave." Katara exclaimed.
"Of course we can, we're royalty." Technically, that royalty did mean that they both had numerous daily responsibilities to attend to. But Azula thought it best not to dwell on that.
Azula was most likely the most frightening and fascinating person Katara had ever met. Everything she said, even the things that were supposed to be nice, felt like a trap. Everything she did seemed as if it was perfectly planned and calculated. From the minute the two first met, she knew Azula was not like other people. On Katara's first day she had been waiting outside Katara's room after she returned from breakfast. She coolly explained how she was disappointed she missed Katara's arrival and been dying to meet her sister to be, how they would be great friends. But every word seemed like it hid a mischievous plot behind it.
"So where are we going?" Azula had easily talked Katara out of her daily lessons and they were now traveling by carriage, meaning wherever they were going was far outside of the capitol.
"To visit an old friend of mine, after all you said you wanted to meet more people."
"We're not going to Omashu are we?" Katara inquired, with a raise of her eyebrow. Not that Katara would be against going to the Earth Kingdom. But it wasn't exactly right around the corner.
"Of course not, this is a different friend. But I'll have to warn you. She's a bit odd." Azula grinned. Over the past few weeks she had taken not quite a liking, but an intense interest in her brother's bride to be. Granted she was much too sweet for Azula's taste, and too self righteous for her own well being, but beneath all sugary syrup there was a fighter inside her, she had the fire in her eyes, and there was nothing Azula loved more than fire.
When the carriage finally stopped, after what Katara estimated was just about two hours, they came to what looked like a barren plot of dried up land, with a single tent in the middle.
"I guess Ty Lee's circus isn't doing so well these days." Azula said with an amused tone. Of course, sometimes, your fire made you do crazy things, like run away and join the circus.
From the tent, a short, stubby man peeped through the hanging curtain, eyes widening he clasped the tent shut again, and the two could hear a cantankerous shuffling from inside. Katara looked over at Azula questioningly, but was not acknowledged, Azula just stood with a smug look on her face.
A different man appeared through the tent curtain, this one was tall and thin with a long curled mustache, and a red and yellow suit. He immediately dropped to his knees in bow.
"My Princess what an honored surprise." He mumbled from the ground, his breath blowing the dust up around him.
"Stand." The man scrambled to his feet.
"Are you in charge of this circus?" Azula inquired.
"Yes, my name is Taman, I am the Grand Master and founder." He proclaimed, falling into a half bow.
"I am looking for one of your employees, Ty Lee, is she-"
"AZULA!" A high pitched scream came from the tent as someone emerged form inside, walking on her hands. The girl flipped over so that she was upright.
"I knew it was you! When Taman said there was a royal carriage here I knew it had to be you! It's been so long! So you finally decided to come see my show!" Without hesitation, the girl had thrown her arms around Azula, alarming Katara, how didn't think anyone would have the audacity to touch Azula without her permission.
"It's good to see you Ty, I'm sorry I haven't been able to make to watch your little… project."
"That's alright! You're here now. Who's this? Wait no let me guess! You're that Water girl that everyone's been talking about." Ty Lee was now face to face with Katara, inspecting her on a much too close for comfort lecel.
"Ty Lee, this is my brother's fiancé, Princess Katara of the Southern Water Tribe."
"Just Katara. It's a pleasure to meet you Ty Lee. Are you part of the circus?"
"Of course! We weren't planning on having a show today but I'm sure I can work something out."
It didn't take long for the members of the circus to set up a private showing for the two princesses. Free of charge of course. Although Taman was made it all to obvious that he hoped to receive some sort of royal donation to the production.
Ty Lee was truly incredible at what she did. Katara had seen her fair share of amazing bending in her lifetime, but the way Ty Lee moved through the air looked almost more than human, and to think she wasn't even a bender.
Azula was less impressed. Ever since they were little, Ty Lee had always managed to do strange things with her body. It was an amazing ability, but a useless way of using it. Ty Lee came from a noble family, and a very rich one at that. To think someone would throw all that power and potential away to join the circus… Ridiculous.
The act ended with Ty Lee spinning down in front of the two spectators, landing as graceful as a falling feather. Katara was in awe, and Azula let out a slow clap. One might see it as condescension, but she did hold respect for Ty Lee's abilities.
"That was amazing!" Katara exclaimed.
"Yes, Ty Lee your talents are really begging to show." Azula added on.
"Thanks guys!" Ty Lee blushed.
"So Ty Lee, how do you and Azula know each other?" Katara asked, puzzled as to how a cheery, eccentric, circus performer had earned the title of friend to the cold and esteemed Princess Azula.
"Ty Lee is the daughter of one of my father's advisors, we also attended the Royal Fire Nation Academy for girls together. Before she ran away to join the circus of course. " Azula answered for her.
"Oh wow, so will you be attending the wedding?" Katara reveled in the thought of having someone other than Fire Nation nobles attend her wedding, and the thought of making something that resembled a friend.
"I don't know, I would hate to miss Zuko's big day, but I'd rather not be running into all those noble fire people… or my parents."
"Well that's a shame Ty Lee, we hardly ever see each other and this will be the event of the century, I was really hopping you could make it."
"Well… I suppose, it would be nice to see everyone again. Do you think Mai will come?" Azula's reaction was discrete, Katara hardly even noticed it, but the subtly light in her eyes as she perked up to the mention of that name gave her away.
"I doubt it, she and my brother aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment, but who knows, her father might leave her no choice." If Katara didn't know any better, she would have thought that the excitement in Azula's voice was at the thought of seeing an old friend, and not the cynical amusement it would bring her.
"It's so sad, what happened, I really thought she would be the one."
"Wait who's Mai?" Katara asked, realizing that she was in the dark to whoever it was that the two girls were speaking of. Ty Lee's eyes widened and her hands covered her mouth, she had nearly forgot that Katara was there, and that she should not be speaking of such things in front of her.
"Oh you mean my brother didn't tell you? Figures. Mai was Zuko's betrothed, I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned it to you, he wines about it to everyone else."
"Wait? Zuko was betrothed? What happened?" Katara wasn't even sure she had understood that right. If Zuko was betrothed, shouldn't he be married now? Unless the Fire Nation practiced polygamy and had just happened to leave that part out when discussing Katara's marriage to the Prince, which she wouldn't be surprised by. But the idea of being married to someone who was already married to someone else made Katara sick to her stomach.
"What do you think? Politics happened, the treaty needed a marriage to tie it together; my father was more than willing to screw over his friend Ambassador Ukano to make it happen, although he did promote him so I guess it was a fair trade. Basically, you happened." Katara mentally kicked her self, of course that answer made more sense than her polygamy idea.
On the carriage ride back Katara tried to wrap her head around the new piece of information. It was as if the final piece of a puzzle had finally fallen into place and she was starting to see the whole picture. She wanted to ask Azula more, but she was too scared of the answers she might get. So instead she just sat in silence, listening as the carriage jolted over each and every dip and pebble in the road.
She was late.
Katara rushed out the garden; her endeavors with Azula had been an unexpected and eye opening experience. But they had made her late to her evening walks with Zuko. She found him sitting at the edge of the turtleduck pond, looking surprisingly less pissed off than usual.
"You're late." He noted as she plopped down next to him, trying to mask her out of breath demeanor.
"I know, I'm sorry, I was with your sister." Zuko scowled at her excuse. Annoyed that Katara seemed to think that her preoccupation with Azula was somehow going to make him forgive her lack of punctuality.
"Of course you were, how is your new best friend these days? Wicked as always?" Katara almost protested his snide, but he had to admit he wasn't entirely wrong.
"I wouldn't say she's my best friend, but given the options for friendship I have in this place… anyways she took me to meet a friend of yours." Zuko snorted
"You say that like I have friends."
"Don't you? Well Ty Lee seems to think you're friends." A flicker of guilt washed over his face. Ty Lee was his friend, a friend who he had nearly forgotten about completely now that she had ran off to the circus.
"Oh…"
Whatever he was going to say he didn't, instead he just stared at the line of turtle ducks circling the pond.
"You like them don't you?" Katara asked as she tucked her feet behind her, so that she was leaning, stomach down, over the pond.
"Like what?"
"The turtle ducks, you're always out here looking at them."
"I guess." Zuko shrugged.
Katara prompted a wave, pulling the ducks from across the pond, until one of the younglings was in her hand.
"I like them too, we don't have anything like them in the poles." Katara cooed at the little creature, she could almost feel its innocence.
"Do you want to hold him?" She pushed it to Zuko, who reluctantly took the little duck. Katara watched as his eyes softened.
"I've never held one before, I tried but they always snap at me." Like clockwork the little duck clamped down on Zuko's finger.
"Ouch!" Zuko yelled and dropped the turtleduckling back into the pond, causing Katara to fall into a fit of laughter.
"See! I told you!"
"I think it was just trying to kiss you, here let me see your hand." Katara didn't give him time to refuse; she was already examining the inflamed finger where Zuko had been nipped. There was blood, but not much. Even so, she took the opportunity to pull water out of the bond and heal the wound.
"There, good as new." Katara smiled as Zuko inspected his now healed hand with wide eyes. He managed a weak "thanks" not sure if he was more surprised by her healing ability, or the fact that she had been willing to use it on him.
Deciding now was as good a time as ever Katara decided it was time to bring up the information she had learned earlier.
"I figured it out." She told him, spinning over to lie on her back, resting on her forearms so that she could see his face.
"Figured what out? How to eat peppers without hyperventilating." Katara scowled, it was true that Zuko had begun to open up and actually talk to her, but it come with the price of being poked fun of at every chance.
"No…I figured out why you seem to dislike me so much." He rolled his eyes again.
"Has it crossed your mind that maybe I just don't like you?" He had to admit, he was having a hard time believing that was even true at all anymore.
"Yes it s has. But you have to know someone before you can decide if you like them or not."
"I know you well enough to know I don't like you."
"I think we've both proven that you don't know anything about me Prince Zuko." Between the act of kindness she just showed and the incident on the bridge, he knew she was right, he didn't know her at all. She was always managing to do something unexpected.
"You may think that it's just that you don't like me, but that's not true. There's something else. And I know what it is." She had a riotous gleam in her eye; to be honest it was a little frightening.
"That's unlikely."
"Maybe, maybe not." She had to admit, she was enjoying taunting him, and it came out clear as day in the chipper tone of her voice.
Another silence passed, Zuko cracked.
"Just out of curiosity, what do you think is supposedly making me dislike you?"
"Not what, a who. A girl actually."
"What girl?"
"The one you are in love with."
"What? That's preposterous what on earth would make you think I'm in love with someone?" Not that he wasn't, because of course he was, but there was no way that she would possibly know that.
"Azula told me about Mai." Zuko's eyes hardend.
"Azula doesn't know what she's talking about. Whatever she told you was a lie." He turned his head away from her.
"So you weren't betrothed to her?" Katara leaned into him, forcing herself back into his line of sight.
"It's complicated."
"Isn't everything? Listen,you don't have to tell me about her. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'll listen." Katara got up from the pond. She figured their walk could wait for another day.
The next few days swirled by and Katara and Zuko's interactions had become an awkward dance of building tension. Every time they were alone they were both so painfully aware of the subject that they were avoiding, Katara wanted so bad to ask him questions, and confront him again, but she had promised to give him time, so that's what she tried to do. But Zuko noticed, he noticed how every time she asked him something, she paused for a moment, as if she wanted to ask him something else, but didn't.
Meanwhile, Zuko's internal dialog had become a warzone. Part of him just wanted to let go and tell her everything. But the other part of him recoiled at the thought of letting himself be vulnerable around her. After all, emotions were weakness. And he was terrified of what would happen if he gave her the power to hurt him.
If there was one thing that had not changed from the first day she had arrived, it was the daily dinners with the royal family. Although she was starting to become adjusted to the unusually hot food, there was still the same sense of awkwardness and unease that she felt on the first day.
Katara poked at today's food. It was some sort of stew, and just smelling the steam was making her want to gag. Without thinking, she began to stir the water in the stew, until the steam dispersed. Suddenly all eyes were on her. She hadn't even realized she'd used her bending before it was too late. She hadn't given much thought to what people's reaction to water bending would be but she had the feeling that it was not something she wanted to do in public, let alone in front of the royal family.
"Well that was quite an adorable trick Katara." Azula broke the silence.
"Ursa my dear, how have your lessons with Katara been going?" Ozai seemingly changed the subject.
"Excellent, she is learning at such an expedient rate."
"Well then I would have thought you would have at least taught her to control her primitive bending. She should know that using other elements has a serious punishment in the Fire Nation." Katara winced. Ozai often spoke to her indirectly like this. As if she was too beneath him to be spoken to directly.
"Father. It is my understanding that water bending is part of women's domestic training. They use it to cook and clean, but they have no training in the weaponized form. I doubt Katara could use her bending to hurt someone even if she wanted to." Zuko spoke up, mimicking his father's style of speech, which she had noticed Zuko had the tendency to do whenever he was in Ozai's presence.
"Very well, but next time make sure your fiancé controls her domestic urges." Katara's face grew red hot, she couldn't decide whether she should be embarrassed or angry, so she had settled on both.
Katara had bolted from the dining room the moment dinner was over. She was still angry at Zuko. What did he know about her bending? Once nightfall had set she snuck out to the courtyard. The moon was nearly full, it was a perfect night for bending. Lately she had been feeling an utter lack of motivation when it came to her bending. She felt to timid to try anything to brash or new, fearing she might draw unwanted attention to herself. She hadn't been explicitly told she was not allowed to practice her bending, but she new that given the opportunity, she would be reprimanded for it's use. But after Zuko undermining her abilities like that she finally had the fuel to fight. She hadn't bothered to bring her scrolls this time. Standing in the middle of the pond, needing to feel unattached, the water twisted and bent around her, it was beautiful, but it wasn't dangerous. With a flick of her wrist the water hardened to ice and she sent daggers into a nearby tree.
She heard a rustling from behind the bushes, followed by cursing.
"Katara!" Zuko exclaimed, popping out from behind the tree.
"What the hell are you doing?" He shouted at her as she floated out of the pond.
"What am I doing? What were you doing? Spying on me like that."
"I wasn't spying on you, I heard something so I came out to see what it was. Do you know how dangerous this is? You're lucky it was me and not someone else." Katara's eyes glowed with anger.
"What? It's not like I could hurt someone. Even if I wanted to." Zuko's eyes widened.
"That's what this is about? Agni Katara, I said that to protect you, my father doesn't have much of a tolerance for other types of bending, I was worried he was going to cut off your arm or something."
"Cut off my arm? Why would he do that?"
"That's the punishment for illegal bending. You can't bend if you don't have all your limbs." Illegal bending? She knew that other bending was frowned upon, barbaric, as it had been described to her, but not illegal.
"That's barbaric." Katara spat.
"Yeah. Now do you see why I said that? I wasn't trying to demean your bending."
"You weren't wrong though, my bending is practically worthless."
"I wouldn't know, that's the only water bending I've ever seen."
"Trust me, I'm bad." She sighed.
"You do look a little…untrained." Zuko tried to pick his words carefully, not wanted to offend her again.
"That's because I am. I only started when I was ten. And I've never been allowed to excel beyond basic forms."
"Because women in the water tribes aren't allowed to bend?" Zuko asked.
"Only in the North." There was a sense of defeat in her voice.
"Now that's barbaric."
"I know. But rules are rules. Besides, at least the punishment isn't loss of limbs"
"So then why were you there?" The question caught her by surprise, she assumed he knew the basic politics of her life, which looking back, was a foolish assumption.
"The North?"
"You were born in the Southern Water Tribe weren't you?" She realized the implicit question he was asking. Why hadn't she been trained by southern benders? Did he really not know? Was he that ignorant of the state of the other Nations? Then again, it wasn't as if she knew much about other Nations herself.
"Yes, but there weren't any benders left there, I was the first one in almost fifty years, we have your people to blame for that, you killed them all remember?" The anger that was still reeling inside her seeped out. Zuko winced. He knew his people had a rocky history with the Water Tribes. Of course all the versions he heard of the story had never been so incriminating.
"I don't think it was quite so one sided." He sheepishly responded, trying to defend his people.
"If the Avatar hadn't stepped in the Fire Nation probably would have obliterated us all."
"You don't have much faith in your own people. Anyways it doesn't matter. That's in the past. That was our ancestors fight, not ours." Katara was too worn out to argue with that, so she decided to agree with him with her silence.
"So there was no one to train you, so you were sent to the North."
"Yeah, the idea was to give me enough training so that I could teach traditional Southern Bending to the next male bender born in the South."
"I don't understand? Bending is such an intense part of who you are, people who repress their bending end up going insane, how can an entire nation prevent half their people from using their bending."
"Women still use it. They use healing, and of course use it domestically. So it's not going unused. We just don't get a choice in how we use it." Zuko thought back to the way she had healed his finger days before, he hadn't even known such bending was possible. That alone was worth more than anything he could do with fire.
"You do have potential." He said finally. Katara glared at him.
"I saw it with those ice daggers, I mean your no Mai, but there was a decent amount of force and precision. You could be really good, given the right training." Katara's ears perked up at the sound of Mai's name.
"What do you mean about Mai? She wasn't a waterbender."
"No, but she had- has, a particular affinity for knife throwing, she's probably one of the best in the world." Zuko's eyes lit up with admiration.
"You really miss her, don't you?"
"Yeah. I do."
"It isn't fair, what they did to us. And I don't think anything is ever going to justify it."
"So what? Are we just supposed to accept it?"
"No, I think we just have to look past it. We can't fix what happened. But I think we can be happy. You just have to want it."
"It's not that easy. You can't just be happy because you want to be."
"Maybe, maybe not. But it's better to try isn't it?"
Zuko sat hunched over his desk, his room lit by a single candle. He furiously scribbled on a piece of parchment. Grunting in frustration he crumpled the paper discarding it in the corner. He couldn't find the right words. Why hadn't she written him back? Why was he still writing to her? It had been months and she hadn't responded to a single letter. Was he really that pathetic? Why wouldn't she talk to him?
He was pathetic. Pitiful. He could see it much clearer now. Damn Ice Queen and her stupid prying. He didn't want her pity. People shouldn't pity him. He was a member of the royal family. He was strong; he should be respected, admired. Not pitied like something weak and broken. That wasn't what he wanted.
What did he want? Justice. But he wasn't going to get that. Even if he somehow did get even at his family for taking Mai away from him it wouldn't make a difference. He still wouldn't have her.
Happiness? Maybe. That's what Katara thought. To be honest it had been so long Zuko didn't even know if he remembered how to be happy. Katara could make him happy. If he let her. She was kind and beautiful and she wasn't filled with anger and hate, like he was. She was kind. She was good. There could be peace between them. But for that to happen he would have to let go of Mai. He couldn't do that, he didn't want to. Even if it meant soaking in his own misery. He wasn't ready to let go of her. He wanted her. He wanted Mai.
He was such a fool. Always wanting what he can't have.
A/N: Sorry that chapter was pretty much all dialog. Oh well, What did you think? PS as you know, Zutara isn't the end game of this story. Which means Katara has a few options. Loneliness, a side ATLA character, an OC, or just leave it to imagination. Thoughts? ALSO PLEASE REVIEW! If you don't review, I won't update. And yes that's a real threat.