Disclaimer: I do NOT own any part of ATLA in any way, shape, or form. I own NOTHING!

Chapter 6:

ZUKO

Katara has acquired a suitor. She calls him Hahn. He is one of the many people who have left the northern tribe to help restore their sister tribe.

Apparently, there is some connection to this kid. Katara knows him, and he knows her. According to Katara, they met before the siege on the Northern Water Tribe. She says he and Sokka fought over their princess.

I remember Sokka talking about a girlfriend who became the moon spirit. I can only assume that this is the same girl. However, Sokka failed to mention that girl was a princess with a fiancée. I think Katara called her Yue?

Past fiancées aside, Hahn now has his sights set on Katara. He hovers like a lion-vulture until he sees me, then he runs off like a spider-rat trying to steal scraps from a cupboard.

Whenever I see him trying to charm her, making jokes, and then looking guilty when I get close, I see red.

As expected, when I get back from my lastest hunt, I see him slithering away. He probably smelled me coming. Spider-rats have a keen sense of smell.

I'm not jealous. Jealousy would imply deeper feelings. I'm just…protective. I do this for Sokka. I know he wouldn't approve. The guy's behavior is inappropriate. Why else would he run off as soon as I show up?

"Hahn likes you," I say as I drop my latest kill by Katara's sewing mat. I don't know what it is. I think someone in the hunting party called it a white hamster. I wanted a seal I saw waddling around, but I failed. Failure and I have become pretty close, though, so I'm not surprised to see him. He rears his ugly head so often that I simply welcome him and think: What kept you?

Her brow knits as she stares at my offering. "What? No! He's just being nice."

"Yeah? Then why does he run off every time he sees me?" I counter as Momo leaps onto my shoulder, curling his tail around my neck. He smells my hair and digs in my collar, looking for treats, but the joke is on him. I have none.

Katara smirks. "Maybe he doesn't like firebenders."

My eyes narrow. "Maybe but I don't think that's the only reason."

She scoffs. "You sound like Sokka."

"Good." I fold my arms.

Katara rolls her eyes. "He's harmless."

"There's a reason he acts the way he does," I insist.

She sighs, catching my implication. "I know things are a little different in the Fire Nation, but in the tribes, we are taught to wait until marriage. I doubt he thinks he can get anywhere with me."

"Do you think Sokka waited?" I challenge with a smug grin.

Her face goes bright red as she covers her ears. "Ugh! No! Gross!"

I say nothing else. I've made my point.

As days turn to weeks, I continually tell myself that I need to go somewhere. I don't necessarily know where, but I never do. I stay. I stay to be near Katara and the baby.

I tell myself they need me. I tell myself this is the greatest favor I can do for the world right now. I tell myself all these things, but it is mostly to avoid what I should really be doing. Like finding another way to stop my father or amassing an army.

But I can't. I simply can't do the things I know I will eventually have to do, so I waste time here, pretending I have nothing better to do than play Water Tribe.

I try to follow my own advice of taking things one day at a time, but I am honestly horrible at taking my own advice. Saying what should be done is a lot easier than actually doing it. Theory is much easier than application.

I should write Uncle, but I'm afraid my message will be intercepted. It is too risky. I can't risk Father knowing where either of us is. Besides, I already know what Uncle would say.

'You should find yourself again, Zuko. You must do that first. Everything else will follow.'

Or something like that. And he would be right. No one will follow me as I am now. I am not capable of leading them as I should. I have lost myself or at the very least a chunk of myself. Something in me burned out, but it can be reignited with time. Maybe. If I'm lucky. I'm usually not, though.

Katara, however, has been better since she went to see the baby. Life has been breathed back into her. Some of her old glow is back. Perhaps because she feels that her precious Avatar has returned to her. She is bossier and livelier than she's been in months, which is both a good and bad thing. I haven't missed her ordering me around or sassing me, but I do enjoy seeing flashes of the old Katara.

She talks to me about the baby often and has expressed that in her opinion, it is indeed the Avatar. We can't prove that for several years, though. And people won't be exactly jumping to make claims that their child is the Avatar. No parent would want that target on their child's back.

I refuse to get my hopes up or leave behind my indifference. But that doesn't keep Katara from trying to sway me.

"Please, Zuko!"

I ignore her and continue trying to skin this animal the way Katara and the tribesman taught me, but I'm making a mess.

"I think it would make you feel better! I was afraid too. And you even told me that it's what Aang would want and that it isn't betraying him to—"

"No."

I can't believe that she would honestly think that this is about some loyalty to Aang. It isn't. The new Avatar has a different meaning to me. It symbolizes something else. It reminds me of my failures. It reminds me of the mess we are in. It reminds me that I could fail again. It reminds me that the odds are out of our favor more than they were last time. And it reminds me of my own weakness.

"You don't even have to hold her. Just look at her. Please!"

She's begging. She is actually begging.

I violently stab my knife into the animal carcass.

Katara flinches, and Momo bristles, hissing as he flies away from me.

"Fine," I agree begrudgingly.

Katara smiles, closes the gap between us, and hugs me.

"Thank you," she breathes against my neck.

It is my turn to flinch. Lately, being this close to Katara is too much. I don't return her embrace. I don't touch her. I am too conflicted and confused by what I feel for her, but at the same time, I ache to hold her against me longer. It's like a rash. I know scratching it will make it worse, but it still itches. A lot.

There is a horrible pit in my stomach. It's been here since Katara brought me into this igloo with the supposed Avatar and her mother.

Katara is talking to the mother, helping her with dinner. I'm still looking down into the wad of furs the baby is sleeping inside.

Like its mother, I see nothing spectacular about it. It is a baby that appears to be Water Tribe, perhaps with a fairer complexion. She is round-faced and innocent. Most of all, she is vulnerable.

Unlike Katara, I don't have an epiphany that tells me that this child is the Avatar. Sure, she is cute, squishy, and sweet like most babies, but aside from that, I see nothing special. It's just a baby – a small, helpless baby.

We eat dinner with them, and Katara plays with the baby, clearly taken with it already. It babbles to her, trying to make words, and Katara coos back. It kind of smiles and tugs at her hair loopies. Even Momo has fun with her until she pulls his tail. I, however, sit nearby and watch from afar.

I don't touch it.

I don't talk to it.

I don't hold it.

I do this partly because I can't get a good read on the baby's mother. She has been kind and open toward me. She didn't seem afraid or intimidated, which was a pleasant surprise, but I'm still not entirely sure how she feels about my presence. And partly because…I just don't want to.

When we finally leave, it's dark outside. All the pinks, greens, and yellows have completely left the sky. The wind has picked up, and it is steadily snowing. The cold seems to penetrate me to my bones, and I am reminded that this is not my natural habitat despite how easy it has been for me to find a strange place in this community. Maybe I should have been born a waterbender. Azula probably should have suggested a Water Tribe family adopt me instead of an Earth Kingdom one.

"What do you think?" Katara asks over the howling wind as she struggles to keep up with my pace.

"I think it's a defenseless baby who – if she is the Avatar – has the world against it already."

"Don't say that." She stops dead in her tracks to give me a stern, disapproving look.

I consider her a moment before throwing my hood up and turning my back on her.

"That's what it is."

The next day, I feel guilty about how I acted. I shouldn't have been so coarse when Katara is trying to nurture her fledgling hope. I shouldn't have stomped it out as soon as it flickered back to life. I want to apologize, but Katara isn't home with her grandmother, so I assume she is with the baby.

I could go see it again, but I don't want to get attached. It doesn't know what it is up against. I pity it, but I won't make the same mistake I made with Aang. The Avatar isn't invincible. We put too much weight on Aang's shoulders, made him take on too much. I underestimated my father and overestimated Aang.

Regardless of who the new Avatar is, I won't make the same mistake twice.

When I finally find Katara, she is leaving the potential Avatar's igloo, and Hahn is already with her. He has given her some kind of gift. I think this is how typical water tribe courtship works. This guy moves fast.

Insensitive fuck…

Suddenly, I'm angry. I'm overcome with the urge to rush up and hurl him into the nearest snowbank. Then, I realize this feels a lot like that party we went to on Ember Island. I want to hurt Hahn just like I'd wanted to hurt Ruon-Jian for talking to Mai.

I back away as if getting farther away will help. It doesn't. My insides are still coiling with contradicting emotions. I'm so jumbled up I don't even know what I feel (or maybe I do know and I just don't want to feel it), so ultimately, it all turns into one emotion: anger.

I shouldn't be mad or upset. This guy is what she needs. Katara needs a good, wholesome tribesman. But she would never want one. He would be too normal after all she's been through. Katara would want excitement and adventure. Then again, losing Aang may have knocked that out of her. Maybe she does want normalcy now. Regardless of what she wants, that is probably what she needs.

Admittedly, I'm not crazy about the thought of that. It's not like I can have her. Not really. But a part of me must want her since I feel this way.

As usual, I can't handle these thoughts or these feelings, but I can no longer ignore them. A part of me has acknowledged them, and there is no way to reverse that.

Sour and sullen, I resolve to go beyond the village and into the tundra to watch the sun set and meditate. Or at the very least try to.

I come to Katara's grandmother's igloo once it's dark. I've learned that water boy doesn't stick around after the sun goes down, but I linger near the entrance of the tent and listen to make sure. I'd rather not interact with him since I wouldn't be able to say anything nice. That would make Katara mad and that would defeat the whole purpose of coming here to apologize.

"Zuko was right about Hahn. He really is trying to court me."

Katara sounds disgusted and uncomfortable, and I find a strange pleasure in that.

"He's a nice boy. Handsome too."

"I'm flattered… But I'm not really interested."

Katara's heart is too sore. I know that and it bothers me that he doesn't. He is an insensitive, selfish jerk.

Granted, he doesn't know what she went through or how much Aang meant to her. He has no way of knowing that, but he should still be more considerate. He probably doesn't even really like her. He barely knows her, and he could never truly understand her. He's too simple.

A little voice in the back of my head tells me that I should leave it alone. It says that this is none of my business, but I ignore it like I ignored my conscience for a good chunk of my life.

I decide to forget the apology altogether and go back to my temporary dwelling. I just can't face her right now, not even to apologize.

Apparently, I've become an airbender. All I do lately is avoid and evade - typical airbender strategy. And I am now fully employing this strategy with Katara.

I don't like Hahn. I don't like seeing her with him. I don't understand my emotions. I am confused, and when I get confused, I get angry. But I don't want to take that anger out on Katara, so I avoid her like I avoid everything else in my life.

But despite my best efforts to avoid her, she seeks me out and has talked me into going on a fishing trip with her. I'm reluctant since things are still tense and awkward between us (I still haven't apologized like I wanted to), but I go anyway.

It's just as awkward as I thought it would be. We fight about fishing spots, and when we aren't fighting about bait or where to put our nets, we sit in strained silence with Momo going back and forth between the two of us.

We catch a few fish, and I honestly can't get back to dry land quick enough. However, once I get out of the canoe, I don't get far. My feet have barely connected with the snow when Katara bends water at me so fast I don't have time to react. Momo does but just barely.

I'm on the ground, coughing, soaked through and through. There might even be a fish in my hood.

"What's your problem?!" she shrieks.

I'm in a particularly foul mood. She is very lucky that my temper isn't what it used to be. But I am seconds away from exploding.

I set my jaw and grin but only to keep from doing something I'll regret.

"I have lots of problems," I murmur through clenched teeth.

"I'm serious! Don't be such a smartass!"

I can't muster a response right away. I'm numb and not just because I've been doused by a wave of icy water. I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard Katara use any kind of profanity. Further, I legitimately don't know how to answer.

"You've been weird ever since we went to see the baby, and I'm sick of it!" she adds when I continue to sit on the ground gawking at her. "All you do is sulk and brood! You don't even talk to me anymore! Suck it up and quit acting like a big baby! Or at least talk to me and let me know what's bothering you! How can you stand to hold it all in? No wonder all firebenders are crazy!"

Her words make me bristle, and the water that she covered me in slowly turns to steam.

"Is this because of Hahn? I know you don't like him but that doesn't mean you can—"

"He's a nuisance," I say matter-of-factly. I'm defensive and I don't know if it's because I'm already angry or if it's because of the subject matter.

"No, he's not," she counters and folds her arms over her chest.

"That's your opinion." I'm done. I'm not doing this. I get up, steam rolling off my back as I walk away, but she follows.

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I just do. Okay?!" I walk faster, trying to lose her. I'm not doing this.

"No. Not okay! Why?" Katara grabs my arm and pulls me back.

"Because he can't take a hint!" I spin around and glare at her.

"What hint? That I don't like him? Maybe I do." She tilts her head. "You don't know that."

"You don't." My eyes narrow into slits.

"I might." She puts her hands on her hips.

"But you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I heard you and your grandmother talking about him the other night!"

"Why were you eavesdropping?! And why do you care?!" Her voice takes on an even higher pitch.

"I don't!" I throw my arms up.

Katara is wounded. My words have hurt her.

"This is ridiculous." I laugh like a madman, but when I say laugh, I guess I really mean mock. That or I'm going crazy. Maybe Azula's breakdown is genetic.

I turn my back on her, trying yet again to leave. I can't handle whatever's happening. It needs to stop. Whatever this is between us, I've humored it for too long. We are officially in dangerous territory.

"Don't do this to me, Zuko!" she cries. "Don't shut me out!"

My rage is milliseconds from its boiling point. I turn around, ready to blast fire at her and see how she likes being dosed with her opposing element when I see the hurt in her eyes. It's there beneath her contempt and her anger, and it disarms me.

"I need you to talk to me, Zuko…" Her eyes are gentle, beseeching. "You're the only one who understands… You're the only one I can talk to right now."

My arms fall to my sides. "...Katara…"

She shoves me. "You're such a jerk!"

I shrug. "Fine. I'm a jerk."

She shoves me again.

I dig my feet into the snow, rooting myself so she can't push me anymore.

Katara moves to bend at me again, but this time, I see it coming and firebend the blast into steam before it reaches me.

She counters immediately, and before I know what's happening, we are having a rather heated sparring match. Immediately I acknowledge that there is way too much snow. I'm at a distinct disadvantage but that doesn't stop me. I give it my all, which mostly consists of me turning snow and ice into steam.

I leap into the air, trying to distance myself from all the snow on the ground so I can maybe get a shot in. Before gravity pulls me back down, I kick two whips of fire towards her.

It has been a while since we sparred like this. She's been going easy on me because I was recovering from being shot full of lightning, but now she isn't holding back and neither am I.

Katara bats my fire whips away with arms cloaked in watery tentacles.

Fine. If that's how she wants it…

I call forth two fiery arms of my own, and they continually clash with hers. Neither of us is gaining any ground, but that's usually how it is when we spar.

Eventually, she gets angry enough that she encases me in a wall of snow, lifts me off the ground, and slams me back down to the ground.

I lie there, panting and cold beneath the blanket of snow she covered me in. Eventually, I hear her footsteps. She thinks she's knocked me unconscious like she did at the Northern Water Tribe with that same exact move.

She's wrong.

When she is close enough, I snatch her ankle and yank her onto her back. I crawl on top of her and hold a fire dagger to her throat.

Her eyes widen with shock. I might be able to get her to yield, but her shock melts away. She is suddenly smirking.

I realize I am in trouble as soon as another torrent of snow knocks me onto my back. This time, she shackles me to the ground by covering my arms and legs with thick layers of ice.

SHe looks down at me with a very smug look on her face.

I close my eyes and exhale deeply through my nose, slowly turning the ice to steam.

Katara holds up her hands, likely preparing to freeze my entire body this time, but I hold up my hand.

"Truce?" I breathe.

She blinks a few times and lowers her arms. "Fine. Truce."

We are sweaty and out of breath. Exhausted, but I think it's over.

She sits next to me in the snow and gives me that beseeching look again. I don't like it.

"But you're still a jerk," she adds with a huff and a not-too-gentle punch to my shoulder.

"I've been called worse."

"I'm serious, Zuko. I want you to talk to me." She places a hand over her heart. "I know you have a lot weighing on you. It's not healthy to hold it all in…and I want to help you."

She's right, but I don't know where to start.

"We've been through a lot together. In some ways, all we have is each other."

I look away, but she grabs my face in both of her hands and forces my gaze back to her.

"Please, Zuko…"

I blink, stunned by our proximity. She doesn't realize how close she is to me and how my personal space is violated.

I yank my face from her grasp. "I'm not talking because I don't know what to say anymore."

Katara frowns, her hands suspended in the air as if waiting for my face to return to them. "Are you going away?"

"I don't know where I would go if I did," I admit. "So I guess I'll wait around until more members of the White Lotus get here. Once I'm sure you'll have someone to go with you when you leave to meet up with Sokka."

She is disappointed. "I thought we'd go together."

"If a raid comes, we may not have a choice." I sigh and square up with her. "I can't make any promises, Katara, but I'll try to stay with you until we see Sokka."

She nods, somewhat pacified. "Well, while you're here, will you at least attempt to be nicer to the baby and Hahn?"

"No promises," I grumble.

"I guess that's good enough." Katara brushes the snow off her clothes and gets to her feet. "Come on. Let's go warm you up before you catch pneumonia."

I follow Katara back to my igloo where she draws me a typical water tribe bath in a tiny tub. I don't object. It's been a while since I had a bath. It isn't exactly easy to have one since there isn't plumbing here like there is in the Fire Nation.

Leaving my bottoms on, I sink into the tub and heat the water to my liking since it was already lukewarm by the time I got in. Steam levitates off the water as I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the tub.

Katara lingers, which suggests that she wants or expects something from me.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper, wringing a cloth between my hands.

She looks at me expectantly.

"For what I said about the potential Avatar…and for shutting you out," I add.

"I forgive you. Just don't do it again."

And just like that, things aren't strained or awkward anymore. Katara fills me in on everything I missed while I was avoiding her. She tells me that the baby is trying to hold her head up and sit up on her own. She tells me that she is scared for her, that she is afraid she won't be able to protect her. She even talks to me about Hahn and admits that I was right about him being interested in her. She says that it makes her uncomfortable, and I can't fight the crooked grin that blossoms across my face.

We talk until I stand and get out of the tub.

As soon as my back straightens, Katara throws a towel over my head, and I rub my scalp and the back of my neck with it.

When I open my eyes again, she gives me a weird look. Her head is tilted to the side and her eyes are unfocused. They roam my torso, and I can't help but tense.

She gazes up at me and brushes some of my damp hair away from my face. Her hand goes from my hair to my neck then to my chest over my scar.

I swallow hard. Katara has touched me before. This is nothing new, but this time she is touching me. She is analyzing me, studying the very layout of me, and I desperately want to know what is going through her head.

The tension is unbearable. Can't she feel it? I feel like I'm going to implode unless I do something.

Her touch is tentative but curious, focusing on the scar that explodes from the center of my chest. Some spell has been cast over her.

I almost speak, but another part of me wants to let this play out. I want to know what might happen.

I don't know if I've ever seen her look at me this way, but she's beautiful. I can admit that. She's stunning even in the poor lighting of this igloo. Her hair is down and wild with waves that frame her round face and bring out the sparkling blue of her eyes.

Unthinking, I touch her back. I run my fingers through the length of her hair, pushing it away from her neck, trying to find skin beneath all the fur she wears.

Katara gravitates towards my touch. It's something she's done since I saved her life, and it may be my undoing.

My eyes find hers, and I shift closer until I'm towering over her. She is both terrified and enthralled by what I might do.

I take her neck in my hands, my thumbs gliding over the pulse points that sleep beneath her dark skin.

I crane my neck and lean in. To my shock, she doesn't pull away. She asks for more. She wants me to.

I'm testing the boundary. Part of me wants to kiss her just to see what she'll do, to know what it would feel like.

My pulse quickens at the thought of it, and I realize I want her, as selfish and impossible and ridiculous as that is.

I inch closer until we are a breath apart, my lips almost grazing hers.

My mind is screaming at me, saying that this is a horrible idea. We are way too vulnerable and raw for this, but that is also what draws us in. That's why we want it. Pain and brokenness have pulled us together. Not to mention the fact that I am a horrible, disgusting hypocrite. I was angry with Hahn for less than I'm doing right now!

"Tell me to stop…" I beg. It comes out with a shuddering breath. It is my last feeble attempt at stopping this, at being a halfway decent person.

She shivers closer to me and opens her mouth to reply, but nothing comes out.

Unable to stand the tension another moment, I gently press my lips to hers. Again, I'm testing the boundaries, testing the waters. It is a painfully slow, meticulous kiss, seeing how long she'll let it last.

She is immobile at first but quickly comes to life, her lips catching mine again and trying to deepen what I started. Her fingers curl against my chest, and I think she might push me away.

But she never does.

My hands move along her neck as I literally and figuratively dive into her.

She whimpers, a faint moan against my mouth. It is enough to make me lose my senses completely. I want to do anything and everything to get that sound out of her again.

She feels good. I can't remember the last time something felt this good.

It doesn't last long. As if sensing my growing intensity, she pulls away and hides her face from me.

What the fuck did I just do?

"I'm sorry…" I lower my hands and stare at the wall behind her.

"Don't be." Katara realizes (as I have) that this was inevitable. Stupid and careless but still inevitable.

When I get the courage to look down at her again, she is blushing fiercely, lightly touching her lips with her fingertips. It's endearing, and I burn to touch her again, but I don't. This is toxic. We are clearly codependent. This happened for the wrong reasons, but maybe now that it's out of our system, we can move on.

Katara goes to the other side of my igloo and makes dinner for me as if this never happened, and I'm relieved. It's better this way. This needs to be forgotten.

A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

I had some of you mention the new Avatar's name being Korra and I debated over the name of the baby for a long time. My reasoning for not naming it Korra is because (in my mind) it can't be Korra. Korra won't be born for a WHILE. Her parents are incapable of having her at this point, so she can't really exist yet, at least not THAT version of her. Since this is canon divergence, we will get a different Avatar with a different story, personality, etc. because of when she was born and when the Avatar cycle/reincarnation happened. At least this is how I see it, so that's what I'm going with! So my subtle nod to the original name will have to suffice ;)

Thanks again for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!