Neji dipped his hands in the bucket of water and then took them to his thick mane. It was the morning after the mission and he was sitting outside his tent trying to clean his hair, which was tangled and dirty from the last fight. He ran his wet fingers through the messy strands, while listening to the sounds around him. When he was halfway through his task he heard steps approaching to him.
"Hi, Neji!", the voices of two girls greeted him. Ino and Tenten sat in the ground in front of him.
"Good morning", he answered with a quiet smile.
"We were just talking about the mission", the Yamanaka said. "It was pretty interesting, right? Now we now one more thing about those creatures". She was trying to sound light, but Neji could hear a slight anticipation in her voice. "Good thing Shikamaru realized about it…".
"Yes", Tenten agreed. "He really is quite smart, isn't he?".
Neji smiled unconsciously at hearing the Nara's name. Just remembering the way the boy had related so many facts to understand how those beasts where locating them filled his chest with pride. Shikamaru was the smartest person he had ever met. He had learned that in the last two years.
"He is", he answered calmly, while draining the water from his hair with his hands.
"Yeah…", Ino started saying. "And also, the way you guys fought together was pretty impressive".
"Right", Tenten added. "How you communicated with those sounds, and how you guys used that bō together. I've never seen something like that".
"Totally", Ino affirmed. "You've obviously practiced a lot...".
Neji didn't miss the strange tone with which they pronounced those words. They were evidently not there just to make small chat. He remained calm and answered with a relaxed voice. "We had a lot of time".
The girls didn't say anything for a little while, and Neji imagined they were exchanging glances, probably trying to come up with something else. He didn't expected them to go straight to the point like they did a second later.
"Okay, I just have to ask", Ino finally confessed. "Are you and Shikamaru…?".
Neji waited for the end of the question, but it didn't came. Ino just let it fade in the air. He arched an eyebrow. "What?", he asked.
The girl hesitated. "You know…", she just murmured.
Neji resisted the impulse to roll his blind eyes at her. "Do I?".
"Yeah, I mean…", she tried to elaborate. "Like, a thing?".
The Hyuuga frowned, starting to get irritated by her imprecise words. "A thing?", he repeated.
"Yes", she replied, now more convinced. "What I'm saying is, are you guys a couple?".
Neji went blank for a few seconds, and then shook his head a little, trying to assimilate the question. "What?", he asked, frowning. "No. Why would you think that?".
He knew the girls where exchanging glances again. "Well", Tenten tried to explain. "It looks like you're very close to each other".
"So?", Neji replied. He told himself he was just annoyed by the question, but the truth was it made him feel something strange. Like a tiny vertigo in his heart.
"And", Ino added. "We know you have spent a lot of time together, just the two of you, alone".
Neji shook his head once more, not hiding his discontent. "And what about that?".
A short silence came next, while he could almost hear the girl's curiosity in the air. It was Ino who finally dared to ask the question. "Did you guys do it?".
Neji's heart jumped. The sudden thought of Shikamaru and him having intimacy made his blood run faster. He feared he was about to blush. "No!", he exclaimed. "What is the matter with you?".
Tenten spoke with her kindest voice to try to ease her friend. "C'mon, Neji. Don't be mad, but it's obvious that your relation is kind of… different. And the way he stares at you, is… How would I put it?".
"I know", Ino backed her up. "He looks totally hypnotized when you're around".
Neji didn't know how to answer to that. He had no idea of how Shikamaru used to look at him, and he had never imagined he did it in a special way. Why would he, after all? He could only manage to shook his head again.
"And you also act strange with him", Tenten added. "You start smiling in the second he approaches to you".
"Yes. Sorry Neji, it's just hard to believe that nothing has ever happened between the two of you", Ino said. "Has he not even tried to kiss you?".
He felt his chest closing, and suddenly it hurt to breathe. No, Shikamaru had never tried to kiss him. In none of the nights they spent together, the Nara had tried anything with him. There were a few times when Neji thought he was going to do something, but it never happened. They had always had a lot of physical contact. Neji recalled the many nights they had spent cuddling under the same blanket to keep eachother warm. He remembered Shikamaru's body against his, his calm breathing on his nape. He knew it was a very intimate position, but in no ocasion Shikamaru had taken it forward, despite of having the chance every night. Neji wondered what would have happened if the Nara had made a move. A tiny voice in his head told him he would have probably accepted it, but that only made him feel more confused.
He shook his head once more, trying to dissipate those thoughts. "No", he said firmly. "He would never to that. Everything he did he did it for me. To help me".
The girls went silent for a little while. When Tenten spoke, she sounded a little ashamed. "That's right. He saved your life".
That was true, but it wasn't all. "He did a lot more that that", he assured. "He made me feel useful again, and showed me I could still do things by myself. He did his best to keep me from giving up, without expecting anything in return". He made a pause, realizing this was the first time he expressed those thoughts out loud. "I owe him everything".
After that confession, the girls finally dropped the issue. He felt a little awkward about having told them that, but he couldn't let them think that Shikamaru had taken advantage of his condition in any way, because the boy had never had. They changed the subject, trying to lighten the mood, and a little after they left, leaving him with a strange mix of feelings.
The truth was, in the last two years, he had caught himself many times thinking about how it would feel to kiss Shikamaru. But in every occasion he had convinced himself that it was only because they had spent too much time alone together, and that was confusing him. The Nara was the only person with whom he had contact, and it wasn't so hard to believe that he could became the target of a few emotions, triggered probably by loneliness. He kept washing his hair, wishing he could wash away that unknown sensation too.
Neji was immersed in his thoughts, when he felt the presence of the person he knew the most approaching to him. There was no way he could ever mistake Shikamaru's chakra. He realized immediately that there was something wrong with the boy, because he could feel it in his skin. That was how much he knew him. He waited, and then heard the Nara sitting in the ground in front of him, where the girls had been just a few minutes ago.
"Hey", Shikamaru said in a voice that sounded considerably tired. Neji could tell he had probably not sleep much that night. "Taking a quick bath?".
It was an intent to sound carefree and relax, which Neji knew he wasn't. He decided to play along. "It was easier to do it in the rain", he jocked. Shikamaru simply let out a short sound that sounded like an agreement laugh, but it wasn't much. Then, he just keep quiet. Neji gave him a bit of time, but it didn't seem like he was going to open up by himself, so he decided to take the first step. "Are you going to tell me what is bothering you or do I have to ask you?".
Shikamaru cleared his throat. "There's nothing bothering me", he answered. Neji looked straight ahead to where he knew the Nara was, and inclined his head an inch. That was the gesture he used to tell Shikamaru that he knew he was lying. It didn't took long for the boy to give up. "Fine", he said. "Umm, have you ever…", he started asking, but then hesitated for a moment. It was strange, because Shikamaru was always very honest and clear with him. But he was obviously having doubts now, like the night he told him about his conversation with Temari. Like he wasn't sure of how Neji was going to react to his words. "Thought we are… like, weird?".
Neji frowned softly, not understanding. "Can you elaborate?".
"I mean", the Nara continued. "That the way we act with each other is a little… strange?".
Neji was really surprised by the question, especially after the conversation he had just had with the two kunoichis. "No", he answered firmly. "Have you?".
"No", Shikamaru admitted. "But a few people have been asking me crazy questions about it".
He knew exactly what the Nara meant. "Let me guess. Ino and Tenten?".
"Ah, no", Shikamaru replied. "Why do you think it was them?".
Neji ran his fingers through his hair, realizing there were more people having the same impressions of his relation with the Nara. "They just came to ask me something like that a few minutes ago", he explained.
In front of him, Shikamaru let out an exasperated exhalation. "Seriously? What the hell man...".
He sounded just as confused as Neji had felt earlier that day. But was there something else there? Was he angry about the situation? Maybe he felt uncomfortable with everyone's assumptions about their relationship. He tried not to think about it. "Who asked you?", he questioned.
"Kiba", Shikamaru answered. He hesitated a little before finishing the sentence. "And Temari…".
Neji pursed his lips, not noticing he was doing it. He was afraid Shikamaru would ask him to change their ways of behaving with each other, to stop people from arriving to wrong conclusions. He didn't want to know the answer to the next question, but he knew he had to ask. "And how do you feel about it?".
The Nara meditated for a few seconds. "I don't know… I'm surprised everybody thinks that way. But I have no problem with how he treat each other. I mean, we're not doing anything wrong, right? And besides, I like it".
At hearing those last words Neji couldn't help to smile. Knowing that Shikamaru liked their relationship, even despite of what others could think about them, made him feel more than relieved. He liked having that special bond with the Nara too, and he loved knowing that the boy was always there for him no matter what. He didn't want things to change only to make other people stop talking. He reached a hand to gently touch Shikamaru's arm.
"I like it too", he said softly, feeling the Nara's warm skin under his wet fingers. "And no, we are not doing anything wrong. Maybe they just need a little time to get used to it. Do not worry about it".
He felt Shikamaru's chakra calming down with his words. "You're right. Who cares about what they think?", he answered, taking his hand to return the gentle touch. "I'm glad we talked about it".
Neji simply smiled wider, happy to know they were still in the same place.
They hung out a little longer until Shikamaru left to find Choji. He didn't want the Akimichi to feel jealous of Neji, now that they were really close too. Neji finished washing his hair and then went back to his tent, intending to meditate for a while. But it didn't take long before he heard Tenten screaming his name. The girl entered the tent running and almost tripped. She was evidently very excited, which meant she had big news.
"Tsunade-sama is back!", she exclaimed, as she approached to Neji. "She says she will see your eyes now!". The girl took him by the wrist and started pulling from him to take him outside.
Neji let her guide him across the camp, not knowing how to feel. Tsunade was probably the greatest doctor alive, and she might be able to fix his eyes. But why if she couldn't? Neji knew she was his last chance of recovering his sight, but just in case, he should be prepared for a negative diagnostic. He didn't want to have his hopes crashed.
After running for a few minutes they were finally in the Hokage's presence. The woman was very happy to see him alive and okay, and she instructed him to sit in order to check his eyes. He felt her fingers over his face and tried to stay calm, though it was hard to control the anticipation. Next to them, he could hear Tenten biting her nails nervously.
"Well, I think I can work with this", the Godaime said at last. "Your eyes had suffer a lot of damage, but with enough therapy you might be able to recover most of your sight. It will take a few months, though".
Neji opened his mouth to thank her, but he couldn't speak. So it was real? He was going to be capable of seeing again? He had been blind for more than two years, and before they found the survivors, he had accepted he was going to stay that way forever. He felt anxiety growing in his chest at thinking that in a couple of months he would be back to being the same person he had been.
"We will start tomorrow, if you want", Tsunade told him, and Neji's heart accelerated.
"Of course", he answered, and stood up to bow at her. "Thank you so much, Godaime-sama".
Tenten took his arm and started walking him back to the tent, while she kept talking about how awesome the Hokage was. Neji could only think about one thing: telling Shikamaru the good news. He tried to feel his chakra to localize him, but he wasn't around.
He stretched his arms in the air and yawned. Now that he had cleared things up with Neji, he finally felt he could sleep. Shikamaru was sitting in the ground next to Choji, who was still enjoying his eternal breakfast. After that he intended to nap for a couple of hours, expecting no one will interrupt him. But in that moment, Kiba arrived and changed everything.
"Guys, guess what?", he asked to the two friends as he ran towards them. He looked really excited. "A recognition group found survivors from Konoha a few miles away from here! We just got a message from them".
Shikamaru straightened immediately, and Choji stopped eating. "Really?", the Akimichi questioned. "Who are the survivors?"
Shikamaru wanted to ask the same question, because the hope of finding his parents had never disappeared from his mind.
"The message didn't specified that", Kiba answered. "But they want us to bring them food, so a small groups is leaving today to go meet with them. Once they feel better, we'll bring them here. Want to come? It'll take us a few months to get there and then return, but it'll be less boring if we go together".
The two friends stood up. Choji agreed to join the group without even thinking about it, because he was also hoping to find his mother and father. But Shikamaru hesitated. Of course he wanted to go. If there was at least a tiny chance that his parents were among the survivors, he had to meet with them. But he couldn't leave without Neji. The Hyuuga would probably want to come too, but he had to ask him first.
"What do you say, man?", Kiba asked when Shikamaru didn't answer.
"Sure", the Nara responded. "But I have to ask Neji".
The Inuzuka frowned a little at hearing this. "Why?", he interrogated.
Shikamaru shrugged. "Maybe he'd like to come too", he answered.
"And what if he doesn't?", Choji questioned shyly.
He had no answer for that. Or he had, but he wasn't sure of wanting to say it out loud. He couldn't leave Neji for such a long time. They had never been apart since they found each other, and he didn't feel good with the idea. He scratched his head, hesitating. "I don't know…", he whispered.
"You don't have to be around him all the time", Kiba said. "You've helped him and all, but now there are other people that can take care of him".
"It's not that simple", Shikamaru answered, feeling really uncomfortable again. "We are a team". His friends simply stared at him. He started walking away, fearing another weird interrogation about their relationship. "Just let me talk to him and I'll be right back with you".
He started heading to Neji's tent, hoping he could just go to sleep and forget about everything.
Neji sat over his sleeping bag, still thinking about the Godaime's words. He stared into the darkness of his blind eyes, remembering the past, when he could still see. He thought of his friends, recalling the faces of Tenten and Lee. And then, the face of a young Shikamaru popped inside his head. Would the boy have changed in those last years? He probably looked older now, and Neji realized he really wanted to see him. How would it feel to make eye contact with him after only having listened to his voice for so long? Would the Nara be happy of knowing his eyes could still heal? He probably would, because he had been the first to ask for the Hokage to check on him when they arrived to the camp. He bit his lip, feeling impatient.
When a little later he felt Shikamaru's chakra approaching to the tent, his heart started beating fast. Before the boy entered he was already standing up.
"Hey", Shikamaru said, getting into the tent. Neji turned towards him with a big smile he didn't even try to hide. The Nara stopped at seeing his expression. "Why are you so happy?".
He took a deep breath trying to calm himself, but he couldn't wait to tell the Nara the good news. "The Godaime is back", he said. "She says with enough therapy she can heal my eyes".
Shikamaru went silent for a second. Then, Neji heard him walking towards him.
"Really?", he asked. He sounded surprised. Obviously he wasn't expecting that to be the reason of Neji's good mood.
The Hyuuga nodded. "We will start tomorrow", he added.
Shikamaru approached until he was right in front of him. "That's awesome", he answered, and Neji could tell he was being honest, though he still sounded a bit shocked. "Neji, I'm so happy for you".
He could tell he was happy, but that was not all. The Hyuuga inclined his head to a side, trying to read Shikamaru's emotions.
"What's wrong?", he questioned softly.
"Nothing", the Nara replied immediately. "Really, I'm just happy for you".
Neji frowned slightly. There was something else that Shikamaru wasn't saying. Why was he so undecided about talking with him lately? Usually he just came straight with werever that was on his mind. "You came here to tell me something, didn't you?", he asked.
He heard the Nara exhaling. He took a very long moment before answering. "A recognition team found a bunch of survivors from Konoha. Kiba ask me to go in the mission to get them here. They leave today".
Neji opened his eyes wide. Those were important news too. There could be someone they knew from Konoha among the survivors. He knew Shikamaru had always harbored the hope to see his parents, and he himself had not give up the possibility of finding his family and the rest of his team. He opened his mouth to speak, but Shikamaru did it first.
"But I'm not going", he said. "The therapy can make you very tired, maybe sore. This is more important".
Neji lowered his shoulders, amazed by the Nara's reaction. He was willing to put on hold something such significant as searching for his parents to stay by his side. He realized Shikamaru had probably came to ask him to go on the mission with him, imagining Neji would say yes. Of course, the Nara knew he would take every opportunity to keep showing everybody that he wasn't a defenseless blind person. But he obviously couldn't go now, he had to stay for Tsunade's therapy. Shikamaru had not even hesitated with his decision. Staying next to Neji was his absolute priority, like it had been during the last years. It was impossible not to be touch by Shikamaru's loyalty and determination, and it made Neji feel a swirl of emotions tangling inside him.
He reached a hand, searching for the Nara. His fingers touched Shikamaru's chest, and at first he thought of removing his hand, but then he simply let it rest there. It was the most affectionate touch he could manage right now.
"You should go", he whispered, while he felt Shikamaru's chest moving slowly as the breathed.
Neji sensed the movement of the Nara shaking his head. "I can't go now, when you need me the most", he said. "Whoever the survivors are, I'll see them when they get here. Not like I'm indispensable for this mission".
Neji lightly ran his thumb over the fabric of the Nara's clothes in a tender caress. "I know you think this could be your parents", he answered. "And I understand that. Tenten will be by my side all the time. You don't have to stay for me. You should go".
Shikamaru's hand flew to his, and he pressed it softly against his chest.
"I can't", he replied in a murmur, squeezing Neji's hand with his fingers. "If I go I'll be wondering if you're okay all the time, so I won't even be of use for thinking". Neji felt Shikamaru's heartbeat through his palm hitting hard against his chest. "I don't want to leave you".
Emotions rose from the center of his body to the surface of his skin. He had never imagined hearing Shikamaru speak like that. They were very close, and they had shared a lot of things about themself over the last years, but they had never talked about how they felt towards each other. He knew Shikamaru worried about him because he had demonstrated it with his actions during all their time together, but he had never said it out loud. Neji wished so much he could see his face now, something he had not felt he needed in a very long time, because he had got used to "see" the Nara in other ways. His lifted his free hand to place the tip of his fingers over Shikamaru's cheek. The boy accepted the touch without saying a word.
Neji ran his fingers across his face, moving from the deep circles under Shikamaru's eyes to his temple, and then to his forehead. There was tension accumulated in this last point, and Neji recognized all the feelings that were reflected in the Nara's expression. Concern, doubt, but above all, fear.
"You can't leave me", he whispered, feeling Shikamaru's accelerated heartbeats. "Everything I am now it's because of you". He needed to find the right words to express what he wanted to say. Slowly, he moved his hand to the Nara's cheek again. "You are, part of me, somehow. And no matter how far you go, you will always be with me".
Shikamaru leaned his face into his touch and pressed his hand a bit more against is chest. He didn't talk for a long moment. Neji just gave him time, and gently caressed his cheek with his thumb. This was the most honest and affectionate he had ever been with anyone in his entire life.
After a long minute, Shikamaru's grasp on his hand relaxed a little.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?", he asked softly. His voice still sounded a bit sad.
The Hyuuga nodded, but he felt he needed to do more to ease Shikamaru's emotions. He walked forward and slid his hands through the Nara's body to his nape, slowly surrounding his neck with his arms in a tender embrace. "I will", he whispered.
Shikamaru wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him back, pressing his forehead against Neji's neck. Then he took a deep breath, and tightened his grip. It was like he was saying goodbye forever, though he was going to be back soon. The Hyuuga realized that being apart after such a long time of being side by side made him feel confused and disorientated, and he knew he felt that way too. Eventually Shikamaru pulled back a little, though he didn't let go Neji's waist. The Hyuuga rest his hands on his shoulder and leaned forward to join their foreheads.
"I'll be back soon", the Nara whispered. "I promise".
Neji smiled, still wanting to make his worries disappear. "I will see you then", he answered.
It was tiny joke he knew Shikamaru would get. The younger boy let out a soft laugh at hearing him, and Neji thanked the gods for the sound. The Nara rubbed his face across his until he landed his lips over his cheek. He gave Neji a sweet kiss, that lasted long seconds, and the Hyuuga felt his heart jumping. Finally, Shikamaru started walking back towards the exit, letting him go slowly. Though he couldn't see him, Neji knew he stood by the entrance for one more moment, just watching him one last time, before turning around and leave.
He made just one quick stop to grab his backpack and then went directly to meet with Kiba and Choji again. If he took just another second to think about what he was doing, he would regret it and stay with Neji. But the boy really wanted him to go, as a thank you for all he had done for him. He wasn't sure of how it made him feel, but he was so confused about his feeling lately that it wasn't anything new. He hated leaving, but at the same time it was probably a good thing to spend a little time apart from each other, at least to get some perspective. He knew it was going to be hard, though, because he missed Neji every night they spent separated. Being away for indeterminate time was going to be twice as troublesome.
His friends where thrilled that he had decided to go with them. A few more shinobis join them, including Ino. Tenten and Sakura were going to stay to help Neji with his recovery. Shikamaru knew they would take care of him, but he still had the feeling that no one would do it better than him. He knew Neji, and he knew what he needed even when he didn't say it. But he couldn't back up now. No after the conversation they had just had.
The team was ready for the trip, so they left the camp. They had to walk a lot to meet with the survivors, and that meant he would have a lot of time to think. Just the idea made him feel tired already. He remembered the way Neji had hugged him, and how natural and right it had felt. Recalling how the Hyuuga was before the catastrophe, so distant and cold, still surprised him. He was nothing like that now, at least not with him. And then he remembered how he had kissed him. Why had he done that? The situation had been intimate enough, and Neji's embrace was more than he could have asked for. Why did he have to go and kiss him on the cheek? To send confusing signals to the boy was the last thing he needed right now. But he simply felt he had to do it, and he couldn't explain it. Or he didn't want to, because it just to think about it was too overwhelming.
"Hey, you!", Ino called his attention. The rest of the team had been chatting since they left the camp, but he couldn't follow their conversation. He was just too lost in his thoughts. "You heard about Neji's therapy, right? I knew Tsunade-sama would be able to help him. Isn't that great?".
Shikamaru forced himself to a tiny smile, hoping it would look natural. "Yeah…", he answered, and then went back to not talking.
It was great, wasn't it? Of course it was. Neji was going to recover his sight, and that was such a good thing. But at the same time, it meant things were probably going to change between them. If the Hyuuga became able to see again, then he wouldn't need Shikamaru anymore. Not to fight, not to walk, not even to tie his hair. And that was good too. The boy would be capable of being totally independent again, like he had been back in Konoha. Did it mean they would distance themselves? Maybe not, but things were definitely going to be different. Those secret codes they had established during the last years wouldn't be necessary anymore, and that made him feel kind of empty.
Shikamaru shook his head. That was a very selfish way of thinking. Yes, things WERE going to change, and he didn't want them to. But this was not about him and his feelings, this was about Neji. If he really cared about the Hyuuga, he had to be supportive. Even if they lost their special bond, this was the best for Neji. If he was a good friend, he had to leave those feeling behind him and just accept that this was the right thing to do. It hurt, but deep inside, he knew he simply had to let it go.
Hi!
Well new chapter! I really enjoyed writing this one. I love writing their interactions. I'm just so in love with this two!
Hope you liked it, I'll try to post next chapter soon!
Thank you for the unconditional love ^^ Hope you guys are doing great!