"Do you think he's coming down for breakfast today?"

"I'm really not sure."

"You're his parabati, you ought to know these things Alec", Izzy sighed whilst violently throwing a teabag into her cup. She opened the kitchen cabinet and almost hurled her teaspoon onto the marble surface.

"I'm not a mind reader Iz. And anyways, why would today be any different?", he said as his eyes searched his sisters face, half pleading and half desperation. Izzy noticed that his clothes were crumpled and unwashed, his face tired with grief.

"I know Alec. I guess I was hoping today would be different."

Alec didn't reply, but instead walked over to his sister and gently took her hands. She looked at him, wordless. She knew that they were both thinking the same thing. That it would never get better. That every day they would wake up to the same nightmare, the same uncontrollable fate. That she had gone, and there was nothing they could do or say to him that would be the same as bringing her back.

"Will she ever come back?"

Alec didn't reply.

"She must have had a reason, right? They loved each other, too much if you ask me."

Alec stayed silent. He had his suspicions, but he didn't feel overly inclined to share them. They would sound too ugly in the stillness of the kitchen.

Isabelle slowly withdrew her hands from her brother and returned to making her tea. That's all she seemed to do these days, Alec thought. Cry and make tea, like someone out of an old movie that Magnus would make him watch.

"You could go and talk to him?" Izzy suggested quietly, almost to herself. Alec stared at her as if she was insane, his sadness replaced with disbelief.

"No, no and no. Do you not recall what happened last time?"

"Oh come on Alec. I'm sure Jace didn't mean to get so upset."

"He knew exactly what he was doing. And he never apologised" Alec retorted. Visions of a glass bowl being hurtled at him flashed through Alec's mind. Yes, Jace had aimed purposely far away from his head but Alec would rather not have had that experience.

"Jace never apologises," Izzy remarked.

Alec threw up his hands in an exasperated way. Isabelle opened her mouth, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Before you make a remark at how gay that action was, don't", but a smile also danced on his face.

A noise from upstairs startled them both, reminding them of their previous difficult discussion.

"I better make sure that he is alright", Alec said in response to his sisters panicked expression. "Wish me luck I guess."

"You're so melodramatic sometimes", Isabelle said, but there was no bitterness to her tone.

Alec grinned at her, made a mock salute and left the kitchen. The air suddenly felt very cold, the brightness of the room was no longer a comfort. Isabelle turned to face the small kitchen window and saw that the leaves were starting to turn brown. A sudden and unexpected urge made her pull out her phone, and tap on the little calendar icon at the top right-hand corner. When it opened, she began to count back and back until she got to the day she needed. She felt her stomach sway as the days mounted up into weeks. As abruptly as the urge had come, it went. She closed her phone and placed it back on the side, wondering all the time how many more days it would be.

Little did she know, it would be years.

- Seven years later -

"It's alright, it's alright. I'm here" the red-head whispered trying with no luck to calm the screaming child.

"Please don't cry" Clary begged as she scooped up her child. The sobs still continued.

"Ari, what happened in you dream. Tell me so I can make it all better" Clary tried again whilst rubbing calming circles on the small girls back. Her bright gold eyes (which were cloudy with tears) were looking up at her like some sort of distressed owl.

"Man come get me now away", her daughter cried incoherently. Clary stroked her hair, trying her best to soothe her tears. She pushed a ginger curl off her daughters face which had escaped her ponytail.

"Can you say it clearer baby so I can hear?"

"There was this scary man who took me away from you" Ari said, her mouth trembling.

"Ari, I promise you; I won't ever let anyone take you or harm you", Clary said solemnly, her hands continuing to console her.

"Pinkie promise?" she asks, her tears starting to slow.

Clary smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"I pinkie promise."

There was no going back from a pinkie promise. Ever.

"I'm hungry mama", Ariana said. Even though her eyes were cute, Clary knew full well what her trickster child was up to.

"You are so crafty sometimes. Do you want banana pancakes?"

"Yes!"

Clary shook her head with disbelief. How did she get guilt tripped into making her child banana pancakes in the dead of night?

"Okay, but you have to go back to bed whilst I start making them."

"Alright", Ari grumbled, but knew she had a good deal. Clary smiled gently after her, but something in her daughters expression made her feel a little weak. Every now and again, at the strangest times, Ariana would make a face that reminded her so vividly of someone else. Someone who she really did not want to remember. Clary tried so hard not to let that person taint any sort of memory with her daughter, but sometimes it was hard to fend off such persistent thoughts at such late hours.

"Lots of cinnamon please!"

"You better brush your teeth afterwards then."

Despite the fact she was hungry herself, she was almost reluctant to walk away to the kitchen. With great effort, she turned, but caught the edge of a letter which had been sitting on the side. She peered down and realised what she had knocked over.

Her eviction notice.

She remembered last week; the memory tasted bitter in her mouth. The way that small man with large black glasses had sneered at her for her inability to pay her rent. It had been three months, and legally they were allowed to ask her to leave. She had put Ariana into the other room, and had returned to the man soundlessly. His eyes were cold, his mouth shaped words of understanding and pity. She had no choice but to beg to him, she even used her daughter to try and make him understand why she needed a few more weeks. He had said no, resolutely. Other people needed the apartment, other people who could pay him.

He gave her a week.

The man had even suggested that Ariana might be better in care, and asked Clary if she was in any sort of communication with her father. That's what made her slam the door in his face.

He changed his offer, went down to five days.

Now, as she stood in the cramped hall, she knew she had less than a day. She had told Ariana that they were going on an adventure, she tried so hard to make it sound like a Disney film plot. But Clary knew the reality of their situation. She had no money, no stable job, no steady income, no parents, no proper school for Ariana. She had nothing but her daughter. Yes, she had just gotten into a new relationship, but they had only been seeing one another for five months and the last thing she wanted to do was depend on anyone apart from herself. No, she had made that mistake before. She would sort it out herself. Instead, she straightened her spine, threw the letter onto the side and walked determinedly into the kitchen.

She was going to make the best fucking pancakes of her life.

Hey everyone! Wow, I can't believe I actually am posting this. this genuinely feels so surreal.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say apart from I am so sorry that it has been so long. I think I just fell out of love with this story and my writing of it, but I never fell out of love with the characters or my ideas for it.

I basically just woke up today and decided to write this all over again. I know some of you OGs will probably be thinking that you already read this, but it's definitely going to be different from the first version. I had so many inconsistencies, and I personally believe that my writing has improved since those bleak days. I think I will definitely change how I write the characters, and much of the plot of the story to be honest! Even this first chapter is very different I think from before.

I hope maybe some people will still be interested in this story?

Thank you all so much, as to this day I have still had messages and reviews about this story :)

I'm so sorry again.

Heartshade