"Clary?"
A train blared somewhere nearby, shaking the floor with dull energy. The movement almost made Clary lose her balance entirely. Her legs felt like jelly, her body suddenly weak. She was staring at the person in front of her as if she was a ghost. Well, she she was a ghost of the past.
"Are you OK? You look, well-, you look like you might faint."
Isabelle was staring at her with a look of faraway concern, her big eyes drawing Clary in like a magnet. Clary had always thought the Lightwood eyes were so beautiful. But they could turn cold like a marble statue when you disappoint them. The way Isabelle was looking at her made Clary want to take her chances at running away. But that would be impossible, especially with all the bags and Ariana. Something inside of Clary clicked, her body seemed to regenerate as she remembered her daughter, who was probably very perturbed by the strange woman in front of them.
"Sweetie, its OK-", she started but her daughter spoke louder then her faint whisper.
"You are so pretty!", Ariana exclaimed, her voice bold in the blaring noise all around them.
Isabelle squinted at her; it was as if she hadn't even seen Ariana yet. Clary watched the gears in Isabella's head begin to turn, and she felt a new sense of despair flood her body.
"It was nice seeing you, we better be off though, we have a train to catch-", Clary tried, but Isabella silenced her with a deathly look.
"I think you have some explaining to do. Don't you?"
Clary didn't have any response to that. All she could do was continue to stare helplessly at Isabelle, trying to tell her with her own eyes the pain she had suffered due to what had happened. But not even just the pain of what Jace did to her, but also the grief she had felt at losing Isabelle as a close friend. Clary remembered suddenly all those years ago, when they first started properly being friends, and how nice it had been to finally have someone to just be stupid with.
[]
"Put it on! You will look amazing Clary! Trust me on this."
"You know I won't. I'll look like an over sized Teletubby."
"God you can be so stubborn sometimes. Why won't you trust me? This is what friends are for", Isabella whined, her voice similar to a dying cat.
"Fine. But only because I know you won't shut up until I try it on", Clary grumbled back. But deep down she was a little excited to see how the dress would fit her. She went into Isabella's hot pink bathroom (it really was like something out of a horror movie to Clary) and gently stepped into the dress. She almost gave a gasp when she saw herself in the gold bathroom mirror.
"Come on! I need to see what you look like. Don't worry if it doesn't fit, I brought four other sizes and six other colours just in case-" but she cut off short when she saw Clary coming out of the bathroom.
"I don't think we will be needing any other sizes or colours Iz."
"CLARY! YOU LOOK AMAZING", Isabella screamed, jumping off the bed like a mad cat. Clary tried to quieten her down (as she was frightened someone might come running in with Seraph blades at the ready) but she couldn't stop laughing at her reaction.
"How are you such a good stylist?"
Isabella rolled her eyes but looked flattered. She took Clary's hand and led her over to her makeup chair.
"It's a blessing and a curse. But it's never hard with you, you look good in everything."
"I thought we established red wasn't my colour?"
"You're right", Isabelle said whilst picking up a rather frightening looking curler, "It blocks you out."
Clary grinned without meaning to, her eyes crinkling with amusement.
"What? Is there something on my head?" Isabella demanded, speaking worriedly into the mirror.
"No, no, no. Nothing like that. It's just- oh – never mind, it's so stupid."
"No tell me", Isabella said whilst turning Clary's chair around like a Russian interrogator from a bad cop movie.
"It's just that, well I guess- It's just that- I am glad we are friends", Clary said, stumbling inelegantly over her words.
Isabella looked at her strangely, her head tilted slightly to the side like a little sparrow.
"We're not friends Clary."
"We're not?" Clary replied anxiously, her heart dropping like a broken elevator.
"No. We're sisters."
[]
Jace had always hated showers after demon hunting. Yes, it was nice to get clean, especially after a messy ichor day. But places like the shower and his bed made him feel oddly vulnerable. Perhaps it was the easiest place for malignant thoughts to creep into his head. He had always prided himself on having excellent control over his emotions, that letting yourself go in anyway was a crystal clear sign of weakness.
But then he had met Clary. And in the most cliché way possible, she had turned his entire world upside down. She had taught him that to love someone meant to forgive them, and that he was not too broken to be saved. That his father had not completely shattered him after all those years of abuse. That he was not beyond giving himself entirely to someone, even all the broken pieces.
He still after all these years remembered the way it had felt to have her curl against him, and let his fortifications down. He remembered the way her green eyes would pin him like a butterfly, the way he could happily watch her paint for hours and never get bored. He had found his soulmate, the one person in the world who truly understood him and saw his damage yet still loved him for it.
But despite this, he still had managed to mess it all up, he had lost his entire life, one that had made him so ridiculously unhappy. Part of him wasn't surprised, he knew from the start with Clary that he would probably do something so self-destructive that she would stop loving him all together. But the strangest thing was he couldn't remember anything from that night; not getting ready, not walking to the club, not dancing, not drinking and certainly not kissing that girl. Alec had told him through the cracks of the door (as he wouldn't come out of his room, he wouldn't let them comfort him) that his brain had probably repressed everything as it had been so traumatic. But something in Jace knew that Alec couldn't be right, as he remembered every traumatic beating from his father, and every time someone he cared about had almost got hurt in battle. So why couldn't he remember this? The one night that had ruined every chance he had gotten to live a normal life, with someone who truly cared and love him.
"Isabelle texted, she is getting coffee with an old friend", Alec called from the institute hallway, knocking Jace out of his reverie.
"Did she cook something?" Jace asked, whilst plugging in his hairdryer.
"Surprisingly not. She must have got distracted by something, maybe this old friend?"
Jace gave a small smile to himself. It was times like this, when Jace was so stuck in memory, that he was most thankful for his siblings. The fact that even after all these years they still had respected his wish to keep what had happened to himself still surprised him. For it was something he felt so ashamed by that he couldn't bear to tell them. He couldn't face their kind words, he knew he didn't deserve them.
Despite all the years, all he cared about was that she was safe. He would often pray to the angels (even though he didn't believe they were even there to listen), just in case that by some miracle they would hear him and watch over her. Not that she needed looking after, she was so small yet so strong.
Jace felt the pang in his chest get harder, and he knew if he kept thinking like this he would get somewhere so dark and blue that he wouldn't be stuck there. He would never be able to see Alec or Isabelle again. And most importantly, he had to stay, just in case she ever came back.
[]
Isabelle had never felt so angry in her entire life.
She tried her best to contain it, as she sat in the small coffee shop opposite Clary, watching furiously as she stirred her coffee. Isabelle had wanted to order any type of heavy liquor, but she felt that might not be the best cure for the situation.
"Mama I'm hungry."
"Why don't you finish your writing and I'll get you some waffles?"
"Can they be maple syrup ones?"
"Sure, if they do them."
Isabelle could not stop herself from staring at the little girl (who she had been told by a flustered Clary was called Ariana) in front of her. Mainly, it was her eyes that was startling her. Two golden orbs that reflected the sun in the same way that Jace's did.
"So, is she his?" Isabelle asked, trying to keep her tone even.
Clary looked back at her as if she was clinically insane. She leant forward; her green eyes suddenly hard.
"Can you not, Isabelle?"
"Can I not do what?" she replied, her tone angry and mocking.
"Speak about, that-, that matter in front of my daughter."
"That matter happens to be my brother, who is still distraught by the way. Not that you would care", Isabelle hissed back.
She quickly checked on the little girl to make sure she wasn't startled, but she seemed to be entirely engrossed in something she was doing. Her eyes darted back to Clary again, and she found them to be shocked.
"Not care?" Clary echoed.
"Well, the way that you just left makes it hard to believe you ever cared. About any of us to be honest", Isabelle said, trying desperately hard to lower her voice to an ordinary level.
To her surprise (as Clary had always been so sporadic and fiery) Clary started to laugh. It was a pitying laugh. It made Isabelle want to smack her across the face, hard.
"Oh, so this is so funny to you? You're sick in the head Clary. Maybe it was a blessing you left, if this is who you really are", Isabelle seethed. Her legs were shaking under the table. She firmly put her hands over them to stop.
"He hasn't told you, has he?" Clary said, shaking her head in disbelief. "God, he's such a coward."
"Be careful what you say about my brother", Isabelle warned.
"I'll say what I want after what he did to me", she gave a slight pause, looking at the little girl who was still preoccupied beside her, "What he did to us."
"What hasn't he told me? And what by the angel what did he do to you? Love you more than anyone his whole life? After what he went through in his childhood. How could you do that to him Clary?"
"He cheated on me", Clary said bluntly, her voice empty.
Isabelle (who was barely every speechless) found herself at a complete loss for words.
"He would never", she whispered, her voice cracking just a little.
"I saw him, Isabelle."
Clary put her hands around her now cold coffee cup, her eyes slightly watery. Isabelle could barely stand to look at her, all her anger had fallen away, and she felt like a hollow shell.
"But- I just- when?" she managed to ask, her voice strangled.
Clary remained not looking at her, her vision to the window behind Isabelle. She appeared to be in a trance like state, but the pounding pulse in her throat told a different story.
"That night, in that club", Clary said shortly.
"What club? Snake dancer? Mousetrap? Wonderland?"
"No, none of those. It was Pandemonium, remember? Alec's birthday night?"
Isabelle did remember Alec's birthday, but it was so long ago that she just couldn't picture the Pandemonium club well.
"I know you go to so many", Clary said, in an almost fond manner, "It's the one with the blue neon lights and lots of back rooms."
"I hate to break it to you, but saying a club has neon lights and back rooms doesn't really narrow it down much", Isabelle replied, but her tone was far from nasty.
Clary almost smiled (despite her greatest efforts not to) and rolled her eyes.
"Fine. It's the one with that massive statue of a fish?"
"The one that Jace said looked like Magnus after too many spirits?"
Isabelle saw Clary wince as she said her brothers name.
"Yes."
Silence fell between them, a cold and lonely silence full of heartbreak and questions. Isabelle watched as Clary played with the little girls hair, in a tender and extremely motherly like fashion.
"Why Ariana?" Isabelle asked abruptly, cutting through the silence like a knife through butter. Clary looked confused for a second, but then clicked what she meant.
"The nurse who helped me deliver her was called Ariana. And when I found out it meant holy and blessed, I liked it even more", Clary answered, still caressing her daughters hair.
"Her eyes", Isabelle started but she couldn't seem to finish her sentence.
"I know."
"I'm sorry Clary, that you had to do that on your own. And I am sorry for what Jace did, but you still could have come back? He isn't the same without you-" Isabelle tried but Clary cut her off, her hands now away from her daughters hair, flat on the table in front of her.
"Well, it hasn't exactly been easy for me Isabelle. I have had to raise a child on my own, pay bills, juggle jobs, give up being a shadowhunter, give up all my friends and my life, because he couldn't keep it in his pants", Clary whispered venomously.
"We could have helped you, I could have helped you-"
"Don't you get it Isabelle? I couldn't stay there, not after seeing what he did. When I confronted him about it, it was like I wasn't even there."
"I just can't believe Jace would do that to you. He loved you so much", Isabelle said, her eyes prickling.
"Not enough. I wasn't enough."
Clary's face suddenly looked very flushed, her eyes sparkling like two green gems. Isabelle was about to ask her if she was alright when Ariana stirred.
"Mama, where are my waffles?"
Isabelle watched as Clary hurriedly wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
"I'll make some when we get home", Clary replied, and then turned towards Isabelle, "We better get going, it was nice seeing you though Isabelle."
"But we haven't got a home", Ariana said grumpily, her lips pouted, "And I really want waffles. And you promised."
"Wait, what do you mean you don't have a home?" Isabelle demanded, ignoring the waffle topic.
"Oh, she doesn't mean it. You know how kids are", Clary said quickly, obviously trying to brush off Isabelle's next interrogation.
"Ariana, what did you mean by that?" Isabelle asked Ariana sweetly. Clary looked back at her furiously.
"I would rather you didn't- " Clary started but Ariana excitedly cut her off.
"Me and mama lost are home because the big man made us, but don't worry, we are going on an adventure!"
Clary went bright red, her hands visibly starting to shake.
"You have nowhere to go, do you?" Isabelle asked Clary sternly.
"We will find somewhere, we will be fine", Clary said, but she sounded helpless and defeated.
"You're coming with me."
"What? Are you insane?"
"Only on a day that ends with y." Isabelle replied sarcastically, but she leant forward and grabbed Clary's hand all the same.
"You can stay with us until you find your feet."
Isabelle watched as different emotions flashed across Clary's face. Fear, hope, anger, confusion and pain. They all danced around her features like ghosts in the night.
"But Jace-".
"Won't be there. Don't worry. He's away in Alicante for a little while."
Clary looked a little suspicious, but eventually nodded slowly. Isabelle stood up from the table as Clary packed and reorganized Ariana's things. When she was done, she nodded at Isabelle.
"Are you sure?" Clary asked again. Isabelle made an impatient noise and walked towards the glass doors at the front of the café, Clary and Ariana close behind her.
"More than sure. Let's get you home."
And with that, she pushed the glass doors open, and the breeze that hit her was comforting and familiar. She fell into a pace slightly in front of Clary and her daughter, but a part of her didn't want to look back at them. She knew what she did was wrong, lying to her like that. But the other part of her knew she had no choice. She would never have forgiven herself. And most importantly, Jace would never have forgiven her if she had let Clary slip through their hands all over again.
Isabelle heard Clary's phone ring, and wondered who on earth could be calling her. It sounded like to her that she had no friends where she had been staying, that it had just been her and Ariana. Isabelle couldn't hear much of Clary's conversation (as she seemed to be walking purposefully slowly so that she would be out of reach from Isabelle), but Isabelle was well trained in spy craft. She discreetly got her Steele out pocket and traced the familiar lines of the Awareness rune. She only managed to hear the end of her conversation, but what Clary said only seemed to further confuse Isabelle, and leave her with even more questions and even fewer answers.
"I love you too."
[]
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I really wanted to get across Clary and Isabelle's close friendship before, as I feel like sometimes the books don't show enough of that.
Don't worry, from next chapter there will be lots of juicy Clace action :)
Hope you are all well, and thanks for reading! Tell me what you think!
Heartshade