Familiar

"It's no use," Historia's hushed voice broke the somber silence within the cabin. The blonde rested her head on her arms, her eyes void of life as she stared at the blank wall in front of her. "I feel like I just had a really important dream, but I can't recall any of it."

Eren sat on a feather bed across from the girl, He rubbed at his temple as if trying to remember something significant as well. Why was that strange long haired woman suddenly appearing in his dreams? Who was she? What does she have to do with him?

"Ah, yeah, that's been happening to me too." He exhaled briskly, an attempt to clear his muddled thoughts and after effects of that dream. Eren brought his gaze to the sunlit window, still mindlessly rubbing at his throbbing temple.

"Anyway, when did it get so late?" He asked.

Historia remained silent, so he stood up from the cot, and strode over to the large windowpane beside the table, "I hope with Captain Levi there, they'll be able to manage, but damn, our opponent is really the Reeve's Corporation," Eren said, turning to her, "Isn't it?"

She did not answer, her once bright and lively cornflower colored eyes, now a cloudy grey blue, merely glance up at him. Eren sighed, taking a seat on the empty chair across from her. He thought of a million things to say to the broken girl whose sorrowful doe eyes were really starting to haunt him. They're vacant. They're frighteningly similar, almost like her eyes.

"Look I'm sorry," he said after a moment, "It's because I wasn't able to learn the armor ability quickly enough that there was this setback."

"Now we got to do things in this roundabout way." Eren expected to be met with silence from the petite blonde again, but this time he heard her quietly respond, "Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Eh?"

"You want to hurry up and save Ymir...right?" He rose an eyebrow in question. Surely she still cared immensely for the taller freckled girl enough to want to save her. Although he did know it might've come as quite a disturbing shock to realize Ymir had been a titan shifter all along. As well as having been kidnapped by her back then. It made him grit his teeth to think about…the other traitors. And her. But Ymir had been different. Ymir was not a murderer. She was just lost. She was just smitten.

"Help?" Historia's sullen expression changed to one of confusion, "Maybe not help…I think my feelings have changed…" She trailed off, as she went through another flashback with a far off look in her eyes. "Ymir made her choices and she lived by them, even back then, I didn't have any right to go after her…there wasn't any more need for me." She muttered the last sentence with disdain.

Eren surmised she might be going over the tragic event that occurred just over a week ago. The rescue mission that very nearly got them all killed. If not for his new found ability that saved them. His heart pulsed rapidly in chest at the mere thought of it.

Historia sniffed, "All I've got left, is this royal family I barely know anything about," She straightened her posture, but kept her gaze drawn down, "I don't think someone like me is even cut out for such huge responsibilities."

Eren tilted his head, brunet bangs obscuring his vision. He really needed a haircut one of these days. "Then what do you want to do?" He asked, brushing hair from his eyes.

A pregnant pause befell them.

"I don't know." She finally responded, voice timid. Wringing her tiny hands in a nervous manner. They don't say anything after that. Both locked within their own minds. Mulling over past thoughts and present. Memories. Eren absentmindedly drummed his fingers on the table.

"I envy you, Eren."

He rubbed at his neck, glancing at the little blonde as she broke the comfortable silence. She continued, "It may be really hard, but you always do exactly what you want to do."

"Not just you but everyone, everyone seems to have something important that they can put their lives on the line for." Historia drew in a breath, "...Ymir looked after me you know, the real me that chose the Survey Corps, the me that I don't even know."

"But now that's she gone I–" her voice broke, Historia pursed her lips. Shaking her head as she spoke again quietly, "I don't even know who I am anymore. Or what I even want." She brought her gaze to meet his once more, "I bet you didn't even think…that someone like me could exist."

"Yeah I didn't have a clue." Eren blurted out.

Historia's expression turned crestfallen so he immediately added on, "I mean look around at the world you're living in, if you gave up, everyone would get eaten and it'd be all over. Everything would be lost."

"There's nothing to wonder about–" Suddenly Eren remembered his other friends whom were currently partaking in another risky mission. Without him.

"Right now, Jean and Armin are off on dangerous duty, posing as us, rather than worrying about yourself, shouldn't you be worrying about them?" He asserted, looking her right in the eye.

Historia's realization of her blatant disregard for her fellow soldiers and friends kicked in hard. She blinked once, twice, mouth opening and closing, trying to form some kind of response.

"Sorry. I don't even know what I honestly feel right now." She shrugged.

Eren's jarring expression was enough to make her want to feel some kind of regret. How could she not feel any kind of remorse for her friends. What kind of person was she if she cannot think about the safety of other people?

"Christa Lens always worries and thinks about everyone, right?" Eren watched her in bewilderment, she was talking about herself in the third person. No wait. That's right. Christa Lens does not exist anymore.

"Because Christa Lens was a good girl…" Historia winced, then scoffed, shook her head to rid herself of the girl she once was, before continuing, "But Historia Reiss…"

"Wasn't loved by her parents or anyone for that matter, she didn't wish to be born into this kind of life," The blonde huffed a cold humorless chuckle, the striking familiarity of it made Eren grimace in remembrance of another person. "But that's a pretty common story in this world of ours, right?" She stared through Eren with dead doe like eyes.

"Everyone's lost hope right?" She whispered.

The increasingly pure apathy of her tone had Eren reeling back from her. "The real me is empty like this." Her face was blank., like a mask. Devoid of any traces of the girl that he used to know. It terrified him, as his teal gaze roamed over her doll like face. Suddenly her nose became more angular, her eyes more deadened, her hair bled from gold to platinum. She was strikingly similar. Too similar to her. It made his heart wrench.

And then, Historia smiled. That very same smile, a small quirk at the corner of her lips. "There's no such thing as good girls like Christa Lens."

He had enough. "I don't know about that." He said, managing to pierce through her deprecating rant. "I can't speak for anyone else, but as for me, I disliked how you were before."

His words were enough to stir some shock in Historia.

"Huh?" She looked at him incredulously. Eren felt relief deep within his chest.

He continued, "Well you always looked like you were being forced to do something you didn't want to do, you seemed weird and artificial, like a doll."

The beginnings of life start to show within Historia's wide blue eyes as she narrowed them at him, clearly baffled at what he truly thought of her. The other her. She sighed tiredly, bringing her gaze down again, "I know."

"But now there's something I can like about you."

"What?"

"Because you seem normal now. Just a stupidly honest regular person with many problems."

The sounds of birds chirping outside resonated within the cabin as a comfortable silence stretched on. Dusk had the dying daylight shining through the large window pane to their left, bathing the both of them in a shimmering light. Historia stared at him, mouth agape.

"Thank you." She said, voice delicate, then in a more firm tone, "Thank you for telling me the truth."

Eren shrugged, "You needed to hear it. I'm aware that you may not feel like yourself, but that's because you've never been yourself. Historia Reiss, I mean. She had no personality, but now you can give her that."

Historia tilted her head, staring forlornly out the window in contemplative thought, "Yeah…yeah, you are right. I can start over...I can still be somebody."

Eren flashed her a gentle smile, "But…Ymir…" His smile fell at the mention of the other titan shifter.

"What am I going to do...about Ymir...I can't, save her I mean, she doesn't want to be saved. But...I want see her again." Historia mumbled. She dropped her head onto her hands, golden hair spilling around her shoulders, "I want to see her again."

Her muffled whimper brought a frown to Eren's face. He was at a loss of what to say now. She was clearly heartbroken. Eren never knew what to do whenever he felt that same aching pain in his chest. All caused by a single girl. His way of dealing with emotional baggage was to swallow it down, tuck it away, far away. Deep down, until the pain dulled, and could no longer hurt him.

He reached a hand out, lightly grazing Historia's arm as she wept quietly into her palms.

"Ymir and I... I mean...I knew it was never going to be official, but, there was something there. Something beyond all the silly stuff she always said and did. Something unspoken between us." Historia croaked, golden hair swaying as she slowly removed her hands from her reddened tear stained face. Her left hand clutched over her heart.

"I felt it. Every time I was with her."

"Historia…"

"…And I know she did too."

Eren gazed empathically at the weeping girl. He knew Ymir and Historia had chemistry together, although he had figured it was pure platonic feelings at first. But ever since he witnessed Histora's break down at the wall, He's been aware their feelings ran so much deeper than that. So deep that it scarred in the absence of that person. He knew that feeling. He's felt it too. All too often.

Though he hadn't really known Ymir. He knew of her. She had insulted him many times and called him a range of wild nick names that he was surprised she could even come up with. He knew she did love Historia. Anybody with eyes could see that. But as what to say about her, he came up empty. In the end, he truly did not know what will become of Ymir. She might never come back. It would be better for Historia if they avoid the topic of Ymir completely.

He does the next best worst thing.

"You know, it's funny, what you've said before, how you knew there was just something between you two?"

"What do you mean? How is it funny?" Historia's tear struck eyes glowered at him, clearly offended.

"Because I have felt the same for someone as well." He sighed.

The blonde's eyes widen for a fraction of second.

"You have?"

"Yes."

"But...how? With who?" An image of a certain ebony haired oriental beauty popped into Historia's head. But it vanished completely as a different name left Eren's mouth.

"Annie."

Eren grimaced, just uttering each syllable of her name felt foreign. Strange. Heavy. Unwanted. But it's enough to have the dainty blonde snap at fully alerted attention. Almost comically so.

"Huh?!" The table between them quivered as the blonde nearly jumped out of her seat, mouth in a surprised O shape. He leaned back into his chair, unperturbed. He expected this reaction.

"You and... Annie?"

"Yeah."

Historia slumped back into her seat, covering her mouth in an astonished way, though she appeared more intrigued than shocked if anything.

"Your kind of the first person I'm telling this too." He ran a hand through his chest nut locks. It bothered him to talk of that wretched girl out of the nowhere like this. It was a sour topic he'd rather avoid, forever. But he understood Historia. She had bared herself to him, shining light on the darkest crevices of her mind. The least he could do was the same. Even it did ache to speak of the girl who betrayed him. Who betrayed them all.

"I…wow. I never thought that someone like Annie…and you…" She pondered aloud, then immediately backtracked, "I mean no offense, of course, but Annie never seemed like the type of person that's...um…?"

"None taken, it's fine. You're right actually." Eren waved his hand nonchalantly, "She wasn't, I know…"

He sat up in his seat, clicking his tongue as he recalled a moment when she, Annie and him were both still Trainee's. He came up to her as awkwardly as a fifteen-year-old would, his chest warming at her presence. A confession was being made that day. He was sure of it; he was tired of dawdling around in the bushes. Gazing wistfully at the small girl from afar as she went about the everyday duties. And sparring was so much more difficult when it was with the person you love. He told her that day, with sweaty hands and a stuttering mouth. Only to be turned down. Rejected. Cast aside.

He predicted this outcome, because he knew Annie. But how she told him, was what hurt his heart all the more. How she stopped sparring with him after that day. Stopped talking to him. Avoided him at all costs. That hurt more than anything, that brought angry tears to his eyes that his friend Armin had seen in their shared cot. It didn't matter to him that he was boy, he was emotional. Everything he felt was intensified to infinity. It's how he's always been. It's how he always will be.

That girl only made it worse for him. Sneaking into Castle Utgard, the Survey Corp's headquarters one spring day and catching him off-guard in an embrace. She pushed, and she pulled at him. He saw in her eyes she felt the same way he had. But then she left all too soon. Abruptly, without a word. He felt his anger bubble to the surface, he felt his heart swoop in joy. She was making a complete emotional train wreck out of him. Yet he still wanted her. Even now, he does.

"Whatever," Eren scoffed aloud, then remembered the petite girl that sat across from him, she blinked in confusion, "Sorry," He said sheepishly, "I just…just was remembering something, is all."

"About Annie?"

"…Yeah."

"Eren," Historia placed a small hand over his own that rested on the table, a maternal look in her eyes, "You don't have to talk about her for my sake, if it hurts you. I know you're only trying to distract me from thinking of Ymir."

"I just wanted to help you," Eren sighed, then chuckled sadly, "Can't even help myself. I don't what the hell I was thinking…"

"She really hurt you…didn't she?"

Eren smiled but there was no joy in it, it was empty, like hers had been, "You have no idea."