Unlike the first time, Bickslow was running late to picking Lucy up. Well, sort of. He'd made the reservations at the restaurant for seven o'clock by mistake and he was supposed to be picking her up at the exact same time. It wouldn't have been a problem if the restaurant didn't happen to be a twenty-minute walk away.
So as he climbed the stairs to her third floor apartment, three steps at a time, he glanced over at the clock that hung on the wall. With it reading ten minutes to seven, Bickslow realised he'd screwed up. The five wooden dolls that housed the souls in his possession were hovering behind him, actually silent for once. He hadn't planned on using his babies for transportation purposes with Lucy, like, ever. Well, at least not for a while. But to get to the restaurant in time, he'd have to. He just hoped she'd take it well and not freak out, which was entirely possible.
He knocked on the door three times and waited for the blonde to open the door, which she did a few seconds later and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. Whenever he saw her and was actually able to talk to her, he was overcome by a sense of happiness. In the few short weeks they'd been, well, sort of dating, seeing Lucy had quickly become on the best parts of his week, if not the thing he looked forward to the most.
"Hey," Bickslow said almost breathlessly as he looked her up and down; the dark teal dress she wore hugged her in every right way and made Bickslow wonder how she didn't constantly have guys hitting on her and falling for her. Then again, it was entirely possibly she did and she just ignored it or they did so discreetly. Bickslow never really paid much attention to it, really.
"Hey," Lucy replied with a smile as she pulled the door closed, grabbing her bag and heels from where they sat next to the small table.
Bickslow stepped back, giving her room as she bent down to put on the grey pumps. He raised an eyebrow when she straightened up and he looked up from the shoes. "Damn, do you think you're tall enough now?" he said, his voice hinting at his amusement.
"Well…" She stepped closer to Bickslow, seeing just how much the heels had raised her up. "If you didn't make me feel like such a dwarf when I'm around you, then I wouldn't have to wear five-inch heels."
"Dwarf! Dwarf!" A few of the babies chanted, making Lucy giggle.
Bickslow rolled his eyes as his hands went to her waist, smoothing over the loose ruffles as he lowered his head (considerably less than usual) to kiss her gently. "Maybe you should wear heels more often," he murmured as she pushed back on his chest slightly.
"Hmm. Just for that I'm considering not wearing them."
"Well, you can consider that another time,. He said with a smirk as he glanced at the clock for a second and then back down to the blonde. "Because we really should be going now."
So as the two made their way downstairs (albeit Lucy a little slower on the stairs part, since she was never really fond of stairs when wearing heels) out into the dimly lit street her building was situated on, Bickslow stopped just outside the main door to her building and in front of the canal.
"Okay, kind of a weird question," he started, making Lucy turn around before she could step onto the ledge of the canal. "Do you, uh… trust me?" he asked, meeting her questioning gaze.
Lucy tilted her head as she walked towards Bickslow slowly. What kind of question is that? "Why?" she asked back.
"Just… Yes or no," Bickslow said firmly. A small part of him didn't like himself for pressing the issue, but he needed to know if she did. He didn't think he'd given her a reason not to trust him – well, lately, anyway. But it was still entirely possible she didn't. Hell, he wouldn't trust himself if he were her.
After a few seconds, Lucy slowly nodded her head, and with a shrug she said quietly, "I suppose so, yes. But why do you ask?" And it was the truth. She did trust Bickslow, but she'd had to think about it and she didn't like that fact. She'd never really had to think about whether she trusted someone, but then again no one had ever asked if she trusted them. It wasn't like she had been in an internal argument with herself over whether she did actually trust the man or not because she had no reason not to, but regardless of that fact, she was suddenly a little worried about why he had asked.
Bickslow waited a few moments, trying to read her expression. "Are you sure?" he asked. He had to make sure she was sure. He needed her to trust him enough to feel safe.
"Yes, of course I am. Until you give me a reason not to, I'm going to trust you," she said as she narrowed her eyes slightly. "Now tell me why you wanted to know this. Please."
Ah, fuck. You shouldn't have pushed it. Now she's mad. Good job. Bickslow knew Lucy didn't lie, that was one thing he'd always known. If she said something, she meant it, but he'd still needed to know; to hear her actually say it, because after all, trust was important.
Bickslow quickly bent down, one arm going behind her legs as the other went behind her back, and he lifted her up as she made a sound that resembled a squeal. "What are you doing?!" she demanded as she looked down to see all his babies lined up and hovering just above the ground.
"Uh, well… Remember how I said we had to get going now?" He stepped up onto the babies, pulling Lucy closer as he did so and smiling slightly when her arms wrapped around his neck to pull herself up and situate herself better. She nodded as she looked down again, seeing the ground slowly get further and further away as they rose into the air. "I might have accidentally made the reservations for seven and the place is like a twenty-minute walk from here…"
Lucy thought for a moment as she looked down at all of the rooves of the buildings they were passing over. She could feel the wind in her air as they slowly travelled through the sky. She understood then why Bickslow had felt the need to ask if she trusted him – he'd needed to know if she trusted him enough to do that. She started laughing quietly as she realised this, causing Bickslow to look down with his own smirk.
"What are you laughing about now?" he asked as he held back his own laughter – something about her laughing was incredibly contagious, but he wasn't complaining.
"You know, I'm using to flying, so to speak."
Lucy watched as he tried to figure out what she'd meant by it, waiting for the moment when he realised just how silly the entire thing had been. It had taken Bickslow a few seconds, and then when he did, he groaned as his head went back before he started laughing, mostly at himself. You're a fucking moron, Bicks. Of course she'd have no issues with transportation via, well… the babies. If she trusted a damn flying cat, then it would be a no-brainer that she'd trust him with essentially the same thing. "Of course you are."
Bickslow and Lucy found themselves aimlessly walking throughout the dark streets of Magnolia at a little past nine o'clock. The restaurant closed at nine o'clock sharp and they'd been amongst the few remaining diners to be pushed out the doors as the owner locked up for the night.
Lucy didn't seem to mind that the restaurant had closed, but Bickslow had made his confusion and frustration evident with his protests. He didn't understand why the place had closed so early, despite Lucy telling him that it really wasn't that early. Then again, Bickslow usually frequented places that were open until the early hours of the morning and generally held no class.
But a two-hour dinner date wasn't long enough for either of them, especially when they hadn't talked for basically a week.
"So what do you want to do now?" Bickslow asked as they continued walking at their slow pace, drawing out their time together just so the night wasn't to come to an end after two hours.
Lucy shrugged as she looked down at cobblestone path. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She didn't know what there was to do at that time. The majority of places were closed, bar the numerous clubs and pubs that sat on almost every street, but those kind of places weren't really her scene, so those were out of the question. Lucy only knew that she didn't want to go back home just yet.
But then she remembered something – she'd never actually seen Bickslow's apartment. Well, she had, but she'd only seen his bedroom and she hadn't paid too much attention to it since she'd mostly too busy trying to run out of there at the time. She knew they were heading in that general direction despite not remembering his exact building, because her apartment was in the same direction.
Bickslow had seen her apartment. Hell, he'd stayed the night because she'd fallen asleep on him, so it was only fair she got to see his apartment. Right?
"Can I see your apartment?" she asked as she looked up.
He looked down in slight shock, not expecting the question at all. "You've already seen it, haven't you?"
Lucy shrugged. "Technically, yes, but only for a few minutes so I didn't really see any of it."
Bickslow thought it over for a moment. It wasn't like he had anything to hide in his apartment because in reality, he didn't do much in it other than sleep, shower, occasionally get drunk, or, well, fuck. The only reason the place had the amount of furniture and random junk in it that it did was because Evergreen had decided he needed to live in a place that was lavishly decorated, just to give the illusion he actually spent time there. That, and he needed somewhere to store the countless books Freed had given him as gifts over the years.
But it would only be fair that Lucy see his place since he'd seen hers the week before. "Fair enough," he said with a shrug. He reached down to lace his fingers through hers and pull her down a darker and narrower street. "So anyway, I forgot to ask earlier…" he started, lowering his voice slightly.
"Ask what?" Lucy wondered what it was he could possibly ask. Their conversation topics over dinner had covered everything from the week and the job Bickslow had gone on, to Lucy finding out that Levy had most likely run off with Gajeel somewhere since nobody had heard from the two of them. When she'd heard about what had happened in the guild, she had been a little surprised, but not all that much, really. She did, however, find it interesting that Bickslow was taking credit for their 'getting together', but he wouldn't elaborate on how he had done it, only saying he'd said something and the next thing he knew, Levy was sitting on Gajeel's lap opposite him and making out in the middle of the guild.
But that aside, she didn't know what Bickslow could possibly ask. He tended to ask some weird things, she noticed.
"Well… How's Natsu with this… Like, us, I mean," he asked quietly as he turned his head away in an attempt to hide his blush. He'd just referred to them as an us and he didn't know if that was the right thing to do. Hell, he didn't really know if it was an us or them kind of thing because all he knew was that they were sort of, kind of dating.
Lucy giggled as he turned his head away. She couldn't remember ever seeing his face being even close to any shade of pink or red. A part of her didn't even think it was possible for the guy to get embarrassed or feel awkward enough to blush, but it had happened over calling themselves an item, and at that moment, she'd felt her heart beat just a tiny bit faster. "I saw that," she giggled
"It's dark, you didn't see anything," Bickslow mumbled as he led them down the street his building was on. He was thankful a few of the lamps that lined the street hadn't been working for a week and a half, just so she couldn't see the stupid blush that was refusing to leave. What is this, Bicks?! You don't blush. Ever.
"It's not that dark," she laughed again she looked around the street as they walked, seeing the slightly familiar surroundings. "But…" she continued quietly, all hints of laughter gone, "Natsu doesn't like us…"
"Now you're just mocking me," he mumbled, although Bickslow did have to admit that hearing Lucy refer to themselves as an item – whether it was just to mock him or not – did have a certain ring to it.
"But… He knows I don't really care what he thinks about us." Lucy smirked as she put emphasis on the us again before she pulled them to a stop. "But it does sound kind of nice," she mused.
"What does?" he asked as he glanced up over her head to see his building behind her before going back down again and meeting her gaze.
"'Us'."
He flashed a grin at the sight of her slight blush he could just make out. There she was, basically saying the exact same thing he'd been thinking just before and he could only wonder just how she'd done it. It wasn't the first time it had happened either. The first time was when they were on the train heading towards the job they had been put on and he hadn't thought much about it at the time, but since then, it had happened a few times and it was, well… He thought it was a little weird how she'd somehow be able to say exactly what he had been thinking.
But he didn't care that it was weird, because it wasn't the fact she was able to do it that mattered at that moment. In that moment, it was what she had said that mattered.
So as he lowered his head, his mouth just a hair's breadth from hers, he whispered, each syllable causing his lips to brush against hers, "It kinda does."
The first thing Lucy had done when Bickslow had pushed the door to his apartment open was kick off her heels right next to the door, making Bickslow chuckle as he disappeared down the short hall where Lucy remembered his bedroom to be. But her feet were killing her. It wasn't like she hated wearing heels, because she loved them just as much as she loved her boots; it was just the fact she rarely wore ones that high.
Bickslow's apartment, in Lucy's opinion, was somehow simultaneously so his, yet at the same time, it didn't seem like it was his apartment. The sleek furnishings Lucy saw as being very him – black leather lounges and a dark wood coffee table above a grey fur rug, not to mention the glass and dark-wood dining table and the white stools at the breakfast bar.
It was the wall of books and the desk in the corner that surprised her, though. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases filled with countless, if not hundreds of books of all genres and sizes. She'd never pegged Bickslow as the type to read, but that being said, she was still learning things about the man.
She walked along the bookshelf, her finger tracing over the spines of the books as she read the names. Some of the books were some of her absolute favourites, while others she had never heard of it and they either looked too abstract for her liking or they actually looked decent.
Bickslow emerged from his bedroom shortly after, his jacket off and his shirt un-tucked. He watched Lucy from his kitchen as he filled up a glass with water. "Do you want anything?" he asked from the kitchen.
"No thank you," Lucy said as she looked over her shoulder and then back to the books, continuing with tracing her finger along each of them. "Hey, I didn't know you read."
"I don't," he replied as he moved to stand next to her at the bookshelf, folding his arms across his chest.
"So why do you have so many books…?"
"Freed," Bickslow said simply. "He's been trying to get me more literarily inclined'or something like that for years."
She pulled one of the books down and began to flick through the pages slowly, skimming over a few lines here and there. "This one is really good," Lucy mumbled. "It's one of my favourites, actually."
"Never read it," Bickslow mumbled in response, watching as she placed the book back on the shelf and moved over to the desk in the corner and picked up a heavier book, a book on Seith magic.
And then she took the book and went and sat on the lounge with her back against armrest.
"You're actually going to read that?" Bickslow asked as he raised an eyebrow. He was still a little confused as to why she'd picked the book up in the first place. It wasn't an interesting book. Hell, he thought it was possibly the most boring book he'd ever opened.
She nodded. "Mm-hmm. I want to know more about it…" she said quietly as she looked down into the book, hiding her slight blush. It wasn't like she couldn't just go to the guild library and read any of the books on Seith magic there, because she could. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't incredibly interested about it too, because she wanted to know more about Bickslow, and by extension, that meant getting to know what kind of magic he used.
But if she wanted to find out more about Seith magic, then Bickslow wasn't going to stop her. He would let her sit there until four o'clock in the morning reading it if she really wanted to, and he wouldn't really care whether it would be spent in complete silence, because regardless, it would be more time he'd be able to spend with her, and that's what he cared about.
So Lucy read, and she didn't know she had been reading for so long until she started yawning and Bickslow took the book away from her and told her it was late. She reached into her purse on the coffee table and let her fingers ghost over Horologium's key, telling her that it was a little past midnight.
Lucy stood up from the lounge and swung the strap of her bag over her shoulder and walked over the door slowly, picking up her heels in one hand.
"Well…" she said quietly, walking back over to the lounge.
"Well…" Bickslow echoed as he pushed himself up to lean on his elbows on the lounge.
"It is pretty late, so I should probably… go…" Lucy said quietly and slowly, mostly just trying to draw out her time there with Bickslow, and… Well, the book.
Bickslow held his eyes closed for a moment as he pushed himself up further to lean back on his hands. He didn't want her to leave, that was for sure. "Or… You could stay…" he suggested quickly.
"What? I…" Lucy started, her eyes downcast, staring at the rug beneath her feet. Did he just invite me to stay the night…? And then she found herself wondering again if it was because he had, well… ulterior motives. She wasn't ready for that. Not at all. But she didn't really want to believe that that was all he was after, either. With her face as dark as Erza's hair, she looked around at the room (anywhere but Bickslow) while her eyes remained slightly downcast. "I… I'm not…" she stuttered, incapable of being able to form an actual sentence.
Bickslow had to stop himself from slamming the book against his forehead repeatedly. He still didn't understand the conventions of dating, but based on what Gajeel and Laxus had said about the oh so stupid (in Bickslow's opinion) third-date rule, he could only guess that by saying Lucy could stay, he'd made it seem like he wanted to sleep with her.
But it wasn't like he didn't want to, because he did, and he had wanted to for a long while. She was Lucy Heartfilia for god's sake – half of the guild probably wanted to sleep with her (Laxus included, at a time). Despite that, right then, Bickslow honestly didn't give a fuck whether he had sex with her or not. He really didn't. The problem was that Lucy didn't know that, and as Bickslow watched her struggle with her words and take a single step back, he knew that. God, you're an absolute moron, Bicks.
Bickslow scrambled up from the lounge and moved to stand before her, back to towering over her since she wasn't wearing her shoes. His hands brushed down her arms before they came to rest just below her elbows as she lifted her head, still not looking directly at him. "I'm sorry," se said softly before tilting his own head down to rest his forehead against hers. "It was just a thought. I didn't meant to make you uncomfortable. "
Lucy sighed. "I know, I just… I've never…" Oh, you know. Just never had sex with a guy, let alone date one. Yeah, say that and you probably never will, you idiot.
"I know," he whispered. And Bickslow did know, even without her saying it. By his reasoning, it was pretty safe to assume she was a virgin considering he'd been her first kiss (something he had to admit he was pretty happy about in his own weird way), so he knew that it was extremely likely she didn't want to have sex with him (yet, he had to hope), and that was okay, because Bickslow didn't care. "But I only meant actual sleeping. And talking. Or whatever. Mostly sleeping."
Actual sleeping. He meant just sleeping and you automatically just assume it was just his reputation speaking for himself. God, I'm such an idiot.
And in a way, Lucy was a little surprised, but at the same time, Bickslow had proved to be full of surprises. He was a man shrouded in mystery, or, as her author's mind like to put it: his true self was hidden behind a mask, something which Lucy thought was pretty darn accurate considering his usual visor get-up.
But she thought about actually staying the night. At Bickslow's apartment. With Bickslow.
It wasn't like she hadn't spent the night with the man before, because she had. Granted, they'd all been mostly accidental (the hotel scenario a few weeks prior was just something else entirely and it didn't even count), but they hadn't been terrible. She had to admit, he was a surprisingly good human pillow.
And spending the night with Bickslow, well… It would be a step forward, right?
So after a few moments of silence, she finally lifted her eyes to meet Bickslow's - the ones that she was finding she couldn't get enough of actually seeing. "…Just sleeping?" she asked quietly.
"Just sleeping," Bickslow answered with a grin. Somehow, Lucy just agreeing to stay made him ridiculously happy, and he knew it was a step forward.
Before Lucy could even move to get past Bickslow and go back to sitting on the lounge with the book on Seith magic, he had bent down just enough to wrap an arm around her waist to throw her over his shoulder while one arm held the back of her legs.
"Hey! What… What are you doing?!" Lucy squealed in surprise as she dropped her shoes before clinging to the fabric at the back of his shirt. "Put me down!"
"Nope. It's bed time," Bickslow chuckled, heading towards the kitchen and the short hall just next to it.
"Wait! Wait. Stop," Lucy said as she lifted herself up slightly, one arm still grasping his shirt as the other gripped the wall, stopping them before he got too far.
Bickslow tiled his head back. "What?"
"I have one condition," She said flatly, though Bickslow could swear he saw a slight smirk.
So he smirked back. "And that is…"
"I get to read more."
Bickslow rolled his eyes as he began walking backwards, only turning when he nearly tripped over one of the heels that Lucy had dropped. He really didn't understand what her fascination with the book was, but he wasn't going to argue. He'd only taken it off her in the first place because he'd gotten bored of watching her yawn. Hell, it had made him tired. But that didn't stop her from obviously wanting to read for god knows how many hours more, but Bickslow was still going to let her sit there and read it for however long she liked.
So when he almost begrudgingly lowered her to the ground, throwing the book towards the centre of the bed before he did so, he remembered that he'd wondered what she'd look like in one of his shirts, because let's face it, he really liked seeing her wrap herself up in his cloak. Bickslow laughed as he turned to look at where she was standing next to the door, once again wrapping herself up in the cloak that had been hanging on the back of the door, the fur trip brushing up against her nose. "You good there?" he chuckled.
"Mm-hmm!" She nodded, smiling into it and enjoying the warmth.
He went over the drawers, opening up one of them as he turned his head over his shoulder. "Are you fine with just a shirt?"
"If it smells like you, then yes," she blurted out without thinking, instantly feeling her face heat up and wanting to hide under the cloak forever.
If it smells like me?! Oh, whatever, just go with it. "Alrighty then…" Bickslow mumbled with a chuckle as he rifled through his clothes before pulling out a light grey shirt and tossing towards the blonde. "Bathroom is just behind you so you can change in there," he said, pointing at the door just to the side of her.
Lucy came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, holding the hem of the shirt down by her thighs as she kneeled on the bed. "A Fairy Tail shirt, really?" she said, slightly amused by his choice of shirt for her to wear.
Bickslow shrugged with a slight smirk as she crawled onto the bed more, crossing her legs under her as she opened up the book again and placed it on the bed just in front of her. "So now you're going to ignore me for that book?" he guessed as he rolled onto his side, propping his head up in his hand.
Lucy leant forward, her elbows resting on her knees and on top of the blanket. "Maybe."
"So you're more interested in a book than me?" He said as he tried his best to sound hurt, even though he couldn't stop smiling.
Lucy looked towards Bickslow from the corner of her eyes, seeing the slight smirk before returning to the book in front of her. She knew he didn't care much (although she could tell he was trying to act like he did). But it wasn't like she was going to ignore him, not intentionally, anyway, so she'd just go along with it for the time being. "Yes."
"Noted."
"That's pretty cool," Lucy mumbled as she turned the page, yawning once more.
"What is?" Bickslow asked, pressing the side of his head into a different spot on the pillow.
"You can put the souls you control into pretty much any object or thing as long as they're not living or exceptionally heavy."
"Mm-hmm," Bickslow mumbled, a lazy smirk on his mouth as he transferred Puppu's soul into the book, lifting it up and making it hover just out of her reach.
"Hey!" he whined, moving to kneel where she had been sitting to try and pull the book back down, only to have it move higher and completely out of her reach. "Show-off," she mumbled, sitting back down and folding her arms.
Bickslow chuckled quietly. "Come here," he said softly, lifting his arm to get hold of the blonde and pull her back down onto the bed and close to him. His arm wrapped around her and he pressed a light kiss to her cheek as he pulled the blanket up. "You know, I never thanked you." .
"For what?"
"For keeping Natsu from killing me." Because really, Bickslow figured she'd had to have at least talked him down from it (for the time being) and that was definitely something to be thankful for.
Lucy smiled as she rolled more onto her side, one finger lightly trailing down Bickslow's chest before she dropped it to rest on the mattress. "You're very welcome," she said with a slight giggle before leaning in and pressing her lips to his.
Bickslow pulled her tighter against him as she kissed him. He could feel her hand come to rest lightly on the side of his jaw as he rolled her onto her back, partly leaning over her. He didn't know what it was, but every time he touched her or held her, he didn't want to let her go; every kiss that he never wanted to end. He couldn't get enough of her, and he didn't understand how he'd got to that point so quickly. The best part to Bickslow was that he didn't have to try and stop himself, to tell himself he can't sate what was well on its way to becoming an addiction, because if Lucy had shown any sign that she didn't want any of it, that she didn't want him, then he would have stopped in a heartbeat.
But she wasn't and she hadn't.
Internally, a very big part of Lucy was screaming at herself, telling herself she shouldn't really be there with Bickslow, especially in his bed. But, she was blocking it out. She knew she wanted to be there, with Bickslow, in his bed, reading about Seith magic. More than anything, she wanted the voice inside her head to just go away once and for all, because she liked Bickslow. A lot. She liked spending time with Bickslow, she liked getting to know the enigma that he was, and hell, she liked kissing him. A lot. And fuck, did she really like his tongue in her mouth. That was something she still didn't understand.
"Bicks," she sang almost breathlessly as she pulled her head back, her fingers still tracing lightly over his cheek.
Bickslow smirked briefly before kissing the side of her jaw for just a second. "You want the book back, don't you?"
"Yup." She nodded with a slight giggle before rolling over as she saw the book drop down to the bed beside her out of the corner of her vision.
Bickslow propped himself up on his elbow, looking over her shoulder as she flipped through the pages. "Why do you want to read it so much?"
"Because it's interesting," she said simply. "And I want to learn more about your magic. Do you have a problem with that?" she asked, turning her head over her shoulder slightly to see the slightly confused expression on Bickslow's face.
And he really was a little confused. For most people, when it came to Seith magic, they generally didn't bother to learn about it;,partly due to its complexity, and just because of the nature of Seith magic. But Lucy didn't seem to care about either of those. She wanted to know more, and by extension, that meant she wanted to know more about him. Bickslow was fine with that.
So after a moment's pause, he lowered his chin to rest against her shoulder before he whispered, "Nope. Carry on."
So Lucy did the same as before. She read silently (for the most part), only occasionally getting Bickslow to explain a concept that she didn't quite understand. And in a way, she was glad he was fine with her learning more about it. She understood that everyone had their secrets, and for some people that was their magic, but Bickslow wasn't one of those.
As his nose brushed against the side of her neck before lightly kissing the spot just behind and below her ear, making her shiver slightly the first time he'd done so, he looked over her shoulder again. "What are you reading about now?" he asked. Bickslow had seen her occasionally skip complete chapters, or sections of them, apparently not interested enough in it (which Bickslow wasn't surprised about, because really, half of the stuff in that book was just the ramblings of the author).
"Figure Eyes," she mumbled, already too lost in the chapter. It was the aspect she was most intrigued about. Lucy had only see him use it once - hell, he'd tried to use it on her - so she didn't know all that much about it. Nothing at all, really.
He tensed at the mention of it, subconsciously pulling her in a tad closer. It was the aspect that was the most misunderstood, and there was a good reason for it. Bickslow knew that better than anyone. He didn't like having to use that part of his magic so he rarely did.
And Lucy felt him pull her in just a little bit closer and she briefly wondered if she should just close the book and call it a night, but she knew she couldn't. Lucy knew there were misconceptions in regards to that aspect of his magic but she'd never know what was truth, what was a plain lie, and what was just a little bit exaggerated. She wanted to know what was what, and that book had the answers. She felt another kiss on the back of her neck as he relaxed again, and as she sighed somewhat contentedly, she turned the page and delved into the chapter again.
Bickslow was half asleep, resting his face in the crook of her neck as she read. He wanted to sleep, knowing that it was somewhere around two o'clock in the morning, but he couldn't. He was too anxious. He knew what chapter Lucy was reading, what she was learning about, and he knew that she'd eventually ask him about it. Bickslow knew for a fact that that particular chapter of the book was badly written, he'd read it countless times himself. It was his magic. He knew almost everything there was to know about it. But that chapter, it had confused the living hell out of him and that was saying something.
He just had to wait for Lucy. Once she'd asked whatever it was she wanted to ask, he could sleep and let her continue reading or whatever it was she decided to do after.
And then after a little while, with her brow furrowed in confusion at what she'd just read, she closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before reaching up to switch off the lamp. "Bickslow?" Lucy whispered as she rolled to her other side, Bickslow lifting his arm up to let her move.
"Yeah?" he said quietly, rolling over to the switch off the lamp behind him.
"I don't… I don't quite get it. I mean, it's almost as if that chapter is contradicting everything else it mentions." She sighed as she pressed the side of her head into the pillow, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders.
Bickslow made himself comfortable again, the room just light enough for him to make out her features. "I know," he mumbled. "What do you want to know?" Because really, it wasn't up to him to deny her information she obviously wanted to know. He couldn't do that to her.
"Control," she mumbled as she furrowed her brow once again, thinking back to the words the author had used that had made her so confused. "I mean like… Ugh, this is hard." And it was, because she didn't want to use the wrong word or say something the wrong way. Based on what she'd read of the book, Lucy knew that that aspect of Seith magic was a touchy subject for those who used the Human Possession variant of it, and she didn't want to hurt or offend Bickslow from asking something the wrong way. It was supposed to get her closer to him, not the other way around.
And Bickslow knew she was having trouble finding the right words. "Just say it," he said, a little harsher than he'd planned.
A sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes for a few seconds. "Control is learnt, right?"
"Yes."
"But… Someone could still lose that control, despite having learned how to control the… activation?" She opened one eye, trying to see Bickslow's reaction in the dark. That was the part where it got hard and she got confused, and that was the part where she needed an actual Seith mage to explain it. It just sucked that the only Human Possession Seith mage she knew happened to be Bickslow and she really didn't want to say something stupid.
"Yes."
"So… Isn't that more or less saying the user hasn't really learned how to control it?"
"Sort of."
A long moment passed as Lucy put all of the information together in her head, putting all of the pieces that Bickslow had confirmed or explained where they belonged or tossing out the pieces that her mind had put question marks on. Bickslow hadn't said much, only saying the bare minimum to answer her questions, but Lucy felt like she'd understood something else from it. Something he didn't want her to know, perhaps.
But she wanted to know.
"Bicks?" she finally said in a quiet whisper, having formed her next questions in her mind.
"Mm-hmm," He hummed into the pillow.
"…Do you have control?" she asked as softly as possible, not realising she was fisting the pillow cover in her hand.
And not a single part of Bickslow had expected her to ask that question. He'd thought she was done, but he realised he should have known better. Of course she was going to ask that. Hell, he had basically already answered that question, unintentionally of course as he thought about his previous answers.
"Yes," he said after a short pause.
Lucy pulled her bottom lip into her mouth as she found herself in a mental argument with herself over whether or not she should ask what she wanted to. She had a feeling it was going to be a question Bickslow wouldn't particularly want to answer, but… If she asked and he didn't answer, would she be okay with that? If anything, it would show the line that wasn't ready to be crossed, and she would be okay with just sitting on it for a while.
"But you can lose that control, can't you?" she asked, barely a whisper.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Every muscle had tensed up and for the first time, he was glad he wasn't touching her – even just his arm resting over her and she'd know just how much that question had effected him.
And the worst part was, Bickslow realised, was that it was just that - it was a question. But it was a question with an answer that even he didn't like. It was an answer that would most likely make Lucy lose all trust in him and he really didn't want that, not so soon after gaining it. But if she lost trust in him, would that mean he'd lose her? Hell, he didn't even have her!
He could lie, but then he'd have that hanging over his head and if (or when) he decided to come clean with it, everything would be so much worse. Lying was out, it seemed. He could just not answer it, but silence often spoke louder than words, so that was out too. So what was he supposed to do?
Tell her the truth, that was what. The truth that he didn't want to say because he could potentially lose the girl whom he cared about, and he wasn't ready for that. He didn't think he'd ever be ready for that, and that's something that scared him.
But time was up. He had no choice but to answer the question. So finally, he closed his eyes after staring at the dark outline of the blonde lying merely inches from him, and he answered the question. "Yes."
And when Bickslow rolled onto his stomach and made a point of facing away from her, Lucy took it as a sign he didn't want to talk about it anymore, and that was something she was fine with. He'd answered her questions and that was what she wanted. She didn't care about the answers, not really, anyway. She didn't care that there was a possibility Bickslow could lose control – briefly, as the book had actually stated – because she trusted him.
But she didn't want to say any more, not when she knew she'd already said too much that night. Instead, she'd leave it, partly because her tiredness had hit her like a freight train as soon as she'd closed the book.
So with a silent goodnight to the Seith mage beside her, she closed her eyes and embraced the feeling of falling asleep next to Bickslow intentionally.