A/N: This warning isn't for smut, but it is for a potential trigger warning. It will be the only time I mention this, as it does come up frequently in the later chapters. If it counts as spoilers, then I'm sorry, but I think that's better than offending/upsetting people. So... **TW: Miscarriage** Again, this is the only time I will say this. I'm not posting TWs for every chapter hereafter that it comes up in, otherwise I'd be writing this on pretty much every second chapter and I don't think it's necessary.

Bickslow thought he'd experienced the worst kind of pain a person could ever go through. He thought being tortured by Thorne while having a piece of metal running through his side would be the most painful thing he'd ever have to experience, if that wasn't Lucy's screams from being tortured, but he'd been wrong.

Because what he felt then was so much worse. It was pain the likes of which no one should ever have to experience, and in that moment, as he lay there on the infirmary bed he vaguely knew he was on, Bickslow would seriously rather be dead.

He would prefer to die than have to feel another second of what he was feeling.

He felt as if every bone, every organ, every muscle, every goddamn cell in his entire body was trying to rip itself apart, all at once, and continually. His entire body was screaming at him, begging for it to stop, but Bickslow couldn't do a damn thing. He couldn't do a damn thing about the blinding, near searing pain that coursed throughout him, and no one could.

But he just wanted it to end. More than anything he wanted it all to end, and he didn't care how it happened.

He couldn't move, because he couldn't think. Nothing was working anymore. Not his muscles, not his brain, nothing. But even if he did want to think or move, he couldn't anyway, because the pain was that bad that it consumed him entirely. He wanted the searing heat and pain to end, because it was too much for him.

He was useless, lying there on that bed. He couldn't do a damn thing. No magic, no movement. Nothing. Just nothing.

The worst part was that he couldn't even sleep through it, so he was stuck there, mostly conscious and with his eyes closed, leaving him to focus on nothing but the pain - the unbearable pain that had him wishing he was dead.

And Lucy hated seeing Bickslow like that. She hated seeing him in pain, and it hurt her to not be able to reach out and touch him, to hold him to let him know that she was there, right beside him. She couldn't do it, because the barest of touches to anywhere on his sweat-covered and hotter-than-the-sun skin had him flinching.

The gentlest of touches was causing him more pain, and that was the last thing Lucy wanted to be doing.

But she'd been sitting there beside him since they'd all been brought into the guild late that same morning, and she'd been in a constant state of worry ever since. They were all so hurt and injured, and no one knew if they were going to make it out of this one, especially Laxus.

She'd been so lost in that moment, thinking of and watching Bickslow right before her, that she barely noticed the piles of tattered clothes on a small table at the end of the bed, just like she didn't register Gajeel walking in, for once without a smirk or a scowl.

He came to stand at the end of Bickslow's bed, his face masked with his concern, for both his best friend and Lucy. The two had seen each other seriously hurt more times than anyone should have to, especially in just a year. Gajeel really didn't know how he'd react if he ever had to see Levy like that, and he didn't want Levy to ever feel like Lucy was in that moment. Ever.

He knew Bickslow and Lucy had been through more together in just a year than anyone even knew, because there were some things they'd had to deal with on their own and without the guild's interference. But, no matter how many terrible things they went through, they'd still mean more to each other than any other person could, and Gajeel could see that. He'd seen how devastated and miserable Lucy had been following the events with Thorne's Deceit, and he'd seen how worried Bickslow had been when Lucy had been hurt at the games.

They were the centre of each other's worlds, and Gajeel could see that.

It was probably why there was a small box peeking out from under the tattered orange clothes on the table at the end of the bed, and Gajeel knew exactly what it was. He glanced back up to Lucy to see if she was still facing towards Bickslow, which she was, and then he looked back down, slowly taking the black velvet box and putting it in his own pocket. He reasoned Lucy hadn't seen it yet, and he figured that Bickslow would be thankful if he held onto it for a while to make sure Lucy didn't find out, because Gajeel had enough common sense to know that that kind of thing was something he'd definitely want to keep a secret, until he was obviously ready to actually ask the girl to marry him.

He'd just hold on to it until Bickslow was better, along with the rest of his team. Bickslow had to get better, though. He just had to. For Lucy.

He looked back up to the blonde sitting on the chair right next to the bed, and softly, he said, "Lucy, master needs you outside." For once, he wasn't going to use his preferred name for her. Not that day.

"I don't want to leave," she mumbled.

"I know you don't, but sitting here ain't gonna help either of you."

"But…" She didn't know how to go on with that sentence, because deep down, she knew Gajeel was right. Sitting there, she couldn't help Bickslow, and if anything, it was making things worse for herself. Because the longer she sat there, the more she worried, and the stronger that nagging feeling in the back of her head about the possibility of Bickslow not making it out became.

And she really needed Bickslow to make it out of this one.

She couldn't keep thinking about that, though. She had to stop, because just like she had been the last time he'd been gravely injured, she wasn't ready to be in a world where Bickslow no longer existed. She would never be ready for that world, because she loved him too much. In just a year, he had become her entire world; he was her reason to smile and the main cause of her happiness. Lucy never wanted to lose that.

But, Gajeel was right. It wasn't helping herself or Bickslow by sitting there, because without an antidote, he was just going to get worse. She needed to help him, and if that meant leaving his side to help the rest of the guild, then so be it.

So with a sigh and a final forlorn glance to Bickslow, she stood up from the chair slowly, and turned for the door with Gajeel following behind her. She had to believe in Porlyusica. She had to believe that the guild would be able to get a blood sample from whoever or whatever it was that had caused four of their members to be lying in the infirmary, and that they'd be able to get a cure for the poisoning before it was too late.

She had to believe that they could do it.

Bickslow pushed himself from the bed to sit up with a groan. Everything ached, and there was still that residual searing pain inside every single muscle – hell, every cell. He had no idea how long he'd been like that, lying there in pain, but it had gotten to the point where he was constantly drifting in and out of consciousness. He'd lost his concept of time, because all he'd known was pain the likes of which he'd never experienced for every second of every day.

But when he was finally able to move, and he could feel the magic power within him slowly fill up and return, he instantly began to panic.

Lucy wasn't there.

And Bickslow could only think that something had happened to her; that she'd been hurt (or worse) in the war with Tartaros that he knew had been going on. In his semi-conscious bouts, he'd been aware of the fighting going on around him, and he'd heard bits and pieces of conversations, and it was why he wasn't all that surprised to be waking up in his own bed in his own house, because he knew the guild had been destroyed.

But when he got his bearings and sat up slowly, he looked around his dim room, and then to the door. Gajeel had just come in and was leaning on the doorframe with his arms folded, watching the Seith mage with concern in his eyes.

"Where's Lucy?" Bickslow asked quietly, his voice hoarse. Then, wincing from the ache in his muscles from moving again, he slowly turned himself to sit on the edge of the bed, and let his feet rest on the floor.

"You shouldn't be moving yet," Gajeel said calmly. As Bickslow pushed himself to his feet haphazardly, he rushed over to the side of the bed to steady the Seith mage before he fell. "Woah, woah. Dude, you really need to take it easy. Those Magical Barrier Particles do some serious damage."

Bickslow rubbed at his face as he heavily fell back down to the bed. Everything was weak, his head was pounding, and he could barely move without getting dizzy at is was. But he was confused. Bickslow didn't know what was going on; why was Gajeel in his apartment, and where the hell was Lucy?

"Can you at least get me some water?" And as Gajeel nodded and turned for the door, Bickslow looked around his room. Everything looked the same as the last time he'd seen it, and he had no idea when that was. His cloak hung on the back of the door, the book Lucy was currently reading still sat on the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed, and the towels from the shower were peeking out of the hamper just next to the wardrobe.

But then he saw the same box with the same ring he was going to propose with sitting on his own nightstand, and his eyes went wide. What was it doing there? He could remember it had been in his pocket before the Tartaros member destroyed the restaurant and they'd attempted to fight him, but… after that, he wasn't quite sure. Most of everything after that point had only really been in bits and pieces. But what if Lucy had seen it? What if Lucy knew that he was planning on proposing soon, and she realised she wasn't ready to say yes yet, and that's why she wasn't there?

Fuck.

"Here," the Dragon Slayer mumbled as he came back into the room and walked back around to where Bickslow sat on the bed, and held the glass of water out to him. When Bickslow didn't immediately take the glass, Gajeel realised his attention was transfixed on something else, and he followed the Seith mage's gaze. Then, once he saw just what it was that had caused such a panic-stricken look on Bickslow's face when he did finally reach for the glass, he said with a shrug, "Oh, yeah… It was in amongst the clothes once they brought you into the guild. Figured you didn't want Bunny girl to see it so I looked after it for ya."

"So… Lucy doesn't know about it?"

"Nope. No one else does, either. I didn't think you'd want anyone knowing."

Bickslow nodded as he took a long sip. So Lucy didn't know about the ring, and no one else did, because Gajeel had made sure it remained a secret. And really, it was one less thing he had to worry about.

He reached out to place the glass on the nightstand, and then opened the draw to slide the box into it. He didn't need to worry about that, because he still had weeks to go… assuming Lucy was fine, which, at that point, he still didn't know, and it was the thing he was worried about most. So looking back up to Gajeel as he rubbed the back of his arm idly in attempt to relieve the throbbing ache in the muscles, he asked, "Is she okay though? Did she… Is she hurt?"

"Uh… Well…" Gajeel mumbled, tearing his gaze from Bickslow as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He really didn't want to be having that conversation, but he had to. He had to let Bickslow know what he was getting into whenever he saw her next.

And Bickslow was back to panicking then. It should have been a simple yes or no answer, not mumbling and avoiding the question. "Where the hell is she?" he growled, suddenly rising to his feet and doing his best to ignore the sudden dizziness again.

But as soon as he'd stood, Gajeel had pushed him back down to sit on the edge of the bed, and he kept him there by keeping his hands on his shoulders. "She's in her apartment, alright?" he said, and when Bickslow made to stand again, Gajeel pushed down on his shoulders again. "No, Bicks, listen to me. You're not fuckin' goin' anywhere, at least not until you've listened to me."

"What the fuck happened? What's going on?"

"Promise me you'll stay and listen to everything I've gotta say," Gajeel said quietly. And when Bickslow saw nothing but complete seriousness in his eyes, he nodded slowly and stopped resisting, and looked down at his hands as Gajeel slumped down on the bed right next to him. "Right, listen. Evergreen and Freed said they heard small pieces of what was going on around them. What do you already know?" he asked.

Bickslow's brow furrowed as he racked his brain and tried to gather up all of the information he knew. They were just small fragments of conversations, but they were enough to clue him in on what had been going on. So, shaking his head lightly, he mumbled, "I… I don't know much. I know it was Tartaros… and I know that the guild was destroyed. There was lots of fighting going on… I could hear it, but… not much else."

Gajeel nodded thoughtfully. "So you really were conscious for parts of it?"

"Yeah, but I still don't know what day it is. How long was I… How long was I like this?" he asked quietly.

"Nearly two weeks," Gajeel said. "I told you those particles did a number on you. Granny had to put you lot under once we got the blood from that asshole that did it in the first place. She said somethin' about the antidote being just as dangerous and that it was going to cause you all a hell of a lot more pain."

Bickslow looked up. "Two weeks? But… I…" Shit. Has it really been that long? Bickslow could have guessed a week, but nearly two? But, if he'd been made to be unconscious for part of that, then it wasn't really all that surprising.

"Yeah, it's been a while," Gajeel said with a shrug, and then, his entire demeanour changed. Something softer crossed his face, and it made Bickslow worry all the more. He could tell what Gajeel had to tell him was going to be something he didn't want to hear, but… He had to hear it, because he knew it involved Lucy. He had to know it, no matter what it was. So after a long pause where Gajeel tried his best to form the words in his head, he continued softly, "Lucy's… okay, I think… She took a beating, but you know the girl better than anyone, and you know she usually bounces back."

"You said usually. She always comes back. Not usually… Always."

Gajeel cursed himself under his breath as he rubbed the back of his neck again, looking away from Bickslow's piercing gaze. He was quickly losing his patience, and Gajeel knew he was running out of time to say what he had to say. "Yeah, sorry, I know she does. Bunny's strong like that, I get it," he mumbled, the corner of his lips lifting up into the smallest of smiles as he tried to reassure the Seith mage. But he knew no matter how much he tried, it wasn't going to help. "She… She kinda saved all of our asses, but… She had to sacrifice somethin' to do it… "

"What the fuck happened?" Bickslow asked as calmly as possibly. He was having a hard time trying to stop his racing heart, and the longer it took for him to find out just what had happened, the more he began to panic. Bickslow wasn't sure if it was possible to panic any more than he was at that point, because it was so bad that he could feel his chest tightening even more with each passing second.

Bickslow didn't want to think about what it was she would have had to sacrifice to save everyone – and it was something he didn't doubt, because whenever the guild as a whole managed to get in trouble, Lucy was always there to at least help with roping them out of it – because he knew it would be something that was incredibly important to her. Because that's just what sacrifices were; they were the things you love more than anything that you give up on, because you had to save something else you love; someone else you love.

But he needed to know. He needed to know what it was she'd lost so he could help her without screwing things up even more.

"She had to break one of her keys to summon the Celestial Spirit King, or somethin' like that," Gajeel said softly. "She sacrificed one of her spirits to save everyone else."

Bickslow closed his eyes as he dropped his head and clasped his hands behind his neck. "Which one?" And he'd spoken the words so quietly that Bickslow himself had barely been able to hear it, but he knew Gajeel could. It wasn't even a question; it was a demand, almost. He needed to know which key she'd had to break. He needed to know which spirit she'd had to give up.

And even though Bickslow knew Lucy loved all of her spirits equally, he also knew that there were a few that she really did hold more dear than the rest. There was a part of him that knew it didn't really matter which one she'd lost, because the point was that she'd had to give up something – someone – she loved for the guild. But… it was the fact he knew there were some that were more special to her than he could ever understand that made him ask which one she'd had to give up.

"Aquarius."

And as soon as Gajeel had uttered that one name, Bickslow shot to his feet again, and he was thankful that the dizziness had subsided, and that Gajeel hadn't stopped him from moving.

For a week and a half, Lucy had been curled up in a ball on her bed and staring out at the town, watching through her window as it got rebuilt around her. Her street was one of the few that hadn't been totally destroyed, and that included her apartment. With the guild building gone, she'd needed somewhere to go. She'd needed to be home, because she couldn't bear to look at Bickslow.

And it was the first time she'd ever felt that way. But she'd known that he'd be okay. Porlyusica had been able to use Tempester's blood to make a cure, and as soon as she'd put them all in a coma, just so the treatment could do its work, Lucy had left. Bickslow had people looking after him, and Lucy knew he'd be fine.

Ever since the war the Tartaros had come to an end, all Lucy had felt was pain, and it was only a couple of days after it had all ended did she shut herself off from everyone and everything. She couldn't see anyone… she just couldn't. She'd needed to be alone, and for the first time in a long time, she relished that.

But for the week and a half she'd been curled up on her bed, she hadn't entirely been alone. She'd had Wendy with her for a lot of it, and that was just because the young Dragon Slayer was helping her with her healing. Everyone else, though, she couldn't see.

No Natsu, no Erza, no Gray, no Levy, and definitely no Bickslow. Out of everyone, she loved Bickslow the most, but he was the last person she wanted to see.

But at the same time, he was the one she needed the most. Bickslow would always be the one she needed the most. It was just that she really could not be around him right then, because she didn't want to lie to him, and she knew that the more time she spent with him, the harder it would be to keep the truth from him.

And more than anything, she didn't want him to know that truth, because she didn't want him to be hurt over it. She wanted to deal with that pain alone, and if possible, she would keep that truth to herself as long as she possibly could. The truth wasn't that she'd had to sacrifice Aquarius to help save the guild, because the entire guild knew about that. No, she thought it much worse than that.

It was that she'd been pregnant, and she'd kept it from Bickslow. She'd kept it from Bickslow because she'd only known for a week before everything with Tartaros had happened, before Bickslow had been hurt. But in hindsight, she hadn't had a chance to tell him anyway, because they'd both been so busy with their teams and missions, that the night before he'd been hurt had been the first time they'd actually spent some decent time together since the games.

She'd been out on a job when she'd found out, because she was late, and that never happened. Like clockwork, her satanic friend would show up, every month. Never early, never late; she'd show up when she was supposed to. But, that month, she was late, and instantly, her mind had jumped to the possibility of being pregnant. And three tests and then a blood test later, she'd realised she was. But at that point, she'd still had another week until she got back to Magnolia, so until she did – until she got to see Bickslow again – it would just have to remain her little secret.

But it remained her little secret longer than she'd expected, because when she did arrive in Magnolia again, she realised that it wasn't something she could just mumble into a pillow.. She'd need to make sure it was the right time, so she'd just wanted to wait for that moment to occur.

But that moment never occurred, and it was precisely why she couldn't be around Bickslow. She'd never gotten the chance to tell Bickslow that she was pregnant and that they were having a baby – granted, much earlier than she'd planned – because they weren't.

She'd lost the baby, and for a week and a half, she'd been curled up on her bed and just waiting for it to finally end so she could move on. Wendy was the only other person in the entire world that knew, and that was only because she'd happened to be there with her during it, when Lucy had realised what was happening and she'd curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, clutching her stomach in pain. Lucy had had no choice in telling Wendy.

But it hurt more than Lucy had expected. Not really physically, but emotionally. In such a short amount of time, Lucy had not only lost one of her most cherished spirits, someone she'd known and loved her entire life, but her baby, too. As soon as she'd gotten over the initial shock of being pregnant, it had been ripped away from her, right when she'd started to get excited about the next chapter of her life, and who it would be with.

She didn't want Bickslow to know the pain that she was in, not when he'd already been through enough of his own. She didn't want Bickslow to know about it at all, because she didn't want him to hate her, to blame her, even. Because somewhere, deep down, she felt guilty. Her body was supposed to have been a safe, nurturing environment, but it hadn't been. How could she not feel guilty when she thought of it that way?

But for a week and a half, she'd been (mostly) alone with her thoughts, and each day, she'd thought of Bickslow. The fact she couldn't be around him right then was irrelevant, because the point still remained that Bickslow was the person she loved most in that world, and she was still worried about him. She was worried about his health, even if she knew he was in safe hands.

And still, despite the fact she didn't know how long she'd be able to lie to him about the pregnancy, Lucy still needed him. She needed him to be at her side and tell her that everything would get better so she could go back to being happy, even if he didn't know all of what was going on.

She needed him to be by her side again, one day, when he woke up, because she needed to move on. She needed to get back to her old life and be happy again. She had to believe that it was possible to be happy again.

So when she heard her apartment door get thrown open one day, nearly two weeks after everything had happened, and then someone running across the room, she didn't even turn to see who it was, because she knew exactly who it was as soon as she'd felt those same familiar arms wrap around her. Instinctively, she pressed herself to them as much as she could, and as she was lifted up gently to sit in their lap, she buried her face against the warm chest.

When the soothing words she'd needed to hear the most finally reached her ears, she let the tears fall again.

Right then, it didn't matter that she hated herself for lying to him and not telling him the truth of what had happened, because more than anything, she just needed him to be there. She needed to hear Bickslow tell her that everything would be okay, and that he was there for her.

She needed Bickslow, despite the pain it caused.

The weeks rolled by, and even though they both wished it had all been in a blur, it wasn't. The weeks that followed were slow and painful, for both Bickslow and Lucy.

Their one-year anniversary came and went, but they didn't celebrate it. The ring stayed in the nightstand beside Bickslow's bed, and he didn't think about it at all. He couldn't propose, not then, and with the way things were going, he was sure he was never going to.

For weeks, Bickslow had watched Lucy close herself off from the world, and how she slowly retreated into herself. She was distant, and there wasn't anything Bickslow could do to help.

For weeks, Bickslow sat in her apartment, day in and day out, trying his best to help her through whatever it was she was going through. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't make her happy. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd seen her smile, and that sparkle in her eyes was gone. It broke his heart to see Lucy so miserable, so depressed, and the fact that he couldn't do anything about it was making it all so much worse.

He wasn't even sleeping at night, that's how worried he was. Most nights, he got sent back to his own house and to his own bed, but all he did was stay up and worry about her.

He'd watched as everyone and everything important in her life slowly disappeared. The guild had disbanded, much to everyone's shock, and even though they'd all protested it, the guild had stopped existing. In their hearts, Fairy Tail would always live on, because they were a family, and that's just what it meant to be in Fairy Tail, but… Physically and legally, it was gone. The building wasn't getting repaired unlikely with the rest of the town, and it remained a giant pile of rubble on the edge of town, and whenever someone walked past it, they frowned. The guild had been the heart of the town, and without it, Magnolia just wasn't the same, and everyone knew it. But there wasn't anyone could do about it.

He'd watched as Natsu suddenly announced he was going off to train for a year, and he'd seen how Lucy broke just that little bit more. He'd watched how slowly, everyone else had gone their separate ways, needing to get a fresh start on life now that the guild was gone, and with each person that disappeared from Lucy's life, the more distant she became.

And the longer Bickslow watched Lucy, the more he became aware of just what it was he needed to do; what it was she also needed to do.

Lucy needed to move on like everyone else was. She needed to go and have a life; she needed to be happy again. But she wasn't going to get that in Magnolia, and she wasn't going to get that with him, because Bickslow knew he couldn't make her happy anymore. All he'd done is try to help her and make her happy again, but all of his efforts were in vain.

Somewhere in his mind, Bickslow knew that if he left, then it would give Lucy the push she needed to go and live her life. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy again, but while she was in Magnolia, that was never going to happen. She had to leave. She had to move on.

Bickslow had to let her move on. He had to let her move on from him.

Because when you love someone, you let them go.

And Bickslow was never going to love someone as much as he loved Lucy. She was the love of his life; the only woman he was ever going to love, and even though it was going to completely destroy him to leave her, he knew it would be the right thing to do. No matter what, he would still love her until the day he died.

Always.

Bickslow would always love Lucy, just like she would always love him. Lucy would never love anyone like she loved Bickslow, but she knew what was coming. She knew she was pulling away with each passing day, and she knew that it was hurting Bickslow.

She knew what was eventually going to happen, but she wouldn't cry until it was night and Bickslow had gone back to his own house. Lucy wasn't going to let him see her cry then, because she knew it was just going to make him worry about her more.

All he'd done since waking up from his coma was worry and be there for her. He'd put aside his own health problems to help her with all of her pain from losing Aquarius and the baby, not that he was aware of the latter. He'd never be aware of that.

And even though Lucy still hated the fact she'd been lying to him the entire time, when every day, he'd been sitting there right beside her, she'd still needed him. As much as she didn't want to see him just because she was scared of the possibility of the truth coming out, she'd needed him, like she always did.

He'd helped her with her pain, and for a few brief moments, she'd been happy. Or close to it, at least.

But when she'd thought she was getting better, and that she was ready to leave her apartment and face the world again, the universe had thrown her another curveball. The guild, Natsu, the rest of her friends… It had felt like she'd taken one step forward, just to take two hundred steps back. That light at the end of the tunnel was getting further and further away, and Lucy was almost certain she was never going to be happy again.

Too much had happened. She'd had too much taken away from her in such a short period of time that her life felt almost empty. All that was left was Bickslow, and even then, she could tell it wasn't the same. Something had changed between them after everything with the guild and her friends and team, and she was vaguely aware that it was all her doing.

She was aware that it was her own fault she was losing Bickslow, because every time he'd tried to reach out to help her, she'd ignored it. He was doing everything in his power to make her happy again, but she wasn't letting any of it get to her.

And after a while, it wasn't just her who was pulling away, but it was Bickslow, too. It was then that Lucy really did realise what was coming, and she knew it was going to be soon.

That wasn't to say she was ready for it, because she really was not, and she didn't think she ever would be. She would never be ready to have a life where she didn't have Bickslow, but… With the way things were, she knew that's the kind of life she was going to have to deal with. She'd have to learn to live in a world without the love of her life.

But when the day finally came, Lucy knew it. Lucy knew exactly what was going on as soon as Bickslow had walked into her apartment with his usual clothes on, and his visor tucked under his arm. She could feel her heart sink as he slowly walked over to where she sat on the bed and knelt down in front of her and took her hands gently.

He'd been putting the day off for as long as possible, because more than anything, he didn't want to do it. He wanted to be selfish and keep Lucy in his life forever, like he'd originally planned on doing.

But he couldn't do that. If he was selfish, then neither of them would be happy. He could live with his own unhappiness and misery if it meant Lucy got a chance of having her own happiness again, one day. And maybe, once Bickslow knew that Lucy was happy, then he'd be happy again, because after all, she was the sole reason for his own happiness.

But today was quite possibly the worst day of his life, and if it weren't for his team standing right outside her building and waiting for him, then he wouldn't be looking at Lucy right then. Evergreen and Freed had convinced him it was the right thing to do, and it wasn't something any of them were taking lightly. His team knew just how much it was going to devastate Bickslow to do that – Freed knew more than anyone just how much it was going to hurt, because after all, he knew Bickslow had planned on proposing – but they also knew that if Bickslow was willing to leave the love of his life, then it was the right thing.

Because if it wasn't the last option available, he wouldn't be doing it. Everyone knew that.

So as he stared up at the love of his life, the one he was saying goodbye to, he had to remind himself that he was making the right decision. The pain he was going to cause was only going to be temporary. One day, she'd be happy again, and she'd have the life that he wanted her to have.

"Lucy, you know I love you more than anything in the entire world," he said softly as the corners of his mouth pulled up into a sad smile.

And it had begun. It was really happening, and Lucy couldn't stop herself from crying. "B-Bicks… Please d-don't do this…" she whispered. It didn't matter that she knew it was happening, because she wasn't ready to lose Bickslow. She wasn't ready for it to end.

But it was. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. She knew that.

"I don't want to be doing this, trust me on that. This is the last thing I ever wanted to be doing," he said as he let go of one of her hands to brush his thumb across her cheek, cupping her face in one hand. "But I have to do it. I'm doing this for you, Lucy."

She wanted to be mad; she wanted to slap his hands away from her and yell at him, because she couldn't understand how leaving her was for her benefit. "P-Please…" was all she could choke out around her sobs.

He could feel his own tears well up then, and he had to blink them back just so he didn't completely lose it. Bickslow knew it was going to be hard, but it was so much harder than he'd expected.

He was sure it was going to the hardest thing he'd ever have to do in his entire life, and somewhere, and somehow, he was a little glad that he'd only ever have to do it once. He'd never have to leave someone he loved again, because he was never going to love a single person as much as he did Lucy. He was never going to love anyone again. Never.

"Lucy, I know you're not happy, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. I've watched you for so long, and I've tried so hard just to see your smile again. I've done everything I can think of to make you happy, but I've realised that no matter how many crazy things I can come up with, I'm never going to be able to do that. I'm never going to be able to make you happy again."

She choked on another sob as she pried her other hand away to wipe away tears that never stopped rolling down her cheeks. "Bicks, p-please. Y-You can, I p-promise…" she pleaded, regardless of knowing that he was right. Somewhere, deep down, she knew Bickslow was right, and she could feel another splinter run down her heart when she admitted that to herself. She didn't want to believe that the person she loved most wouldn't be able to make her happy again, but she had to believe it.

"I can't, Lucy, and you know I can't," he said softly. "It's why I'm doing this. I want you to be happy, Lucy. More than anything, that's all I want. If I do this, if I leave, then you'll be able to move on. You'll be able to go and live a life full of joy and you'll be able to be happy again."

"I'm n-not going t-to g-get that w-without y-you…"

"Yes you will. One day, you're going to be happy again, and it's going to because of this." He had to believe that, because if that wasn't the case, then Bickslow would have made the biggest mistake of his entire life by leaving Lucy. So then, taking her hands again and shifting his weight on his feet slightly, he looked back up to the blonde, and softly, he said, "Alright, Lucy. You need to listen to me now, alright?" When she nodded, he smiled again sadly, and just for a brief second. He needed to wrap it up; he needed to get it over with, because the longer he stayed there, the harder it got. "After I'm gone, you're going to finally leave Magnolia, and you're going to go live somewhere else. You're going to go travel Fiore – hell, the world – and you're going to settle down somewhere that doesn't hold so many bad memories. You're going to go live your dream, and you'll become a best-selling author or something. You're going to go do something that you love doing and makes you smile. And you're going to find a guy that's not a total moron and doesn't have a kickass mohawk, and you're going to fall in love with him, and then you're gonna have kids, and you're gonna have your own family," he said, his voice cracking towards the end as his vision became blurry from the tears. Bickslow was giving up all of that; he was giving up the life he wanted to have. He was sacrificing it all for Lucy's happiness, and if she really did find that happiness, then it would be worth it.

But at the mention of a family – of having kids – Lucy felt a sharp pang of pain in her heart. She still wasn't over miscarrying, and she knew she never would be. It was always going to be something she'd remember, and she'd remember how much pain she'd been in when it had happened and she'd realised what was going on.

Most of all, she'd remember how it was her family – the family she wanted to have with Bickslow, more than anything – that wasn't going to come to exist. And Bickslow would never know about it.

After a pause as Bickslow wiped his own tears from his eyes with his sleeves, he continued quietly, and with another smile that was never going to reach his eyes, he said softly, "But most of all, you're going to be happy. You're going to have a great life without pain, and you're going to be happy." Because that was all Bickslow wanted for Lucy. That was all he'd ever wanted for Lucy.

"I-I'm not…" she tried to say, but it only came out as a mumbled mess. She was convinced she was never going to be truly happy again, because if the love of her life couldn't make her happy, then no one and nothing ever would.

"Yes, you are," he insisted gently. She had to be. "Lucy, I have one last thing for you to promise me. Please give me that, please." And when she nodded silently, the only sound in the room then her sniffling and the quiet sobs every now and then, he said quietly, "Promise me you'll do all of that. Promise me you'll do all of what I said."

She shook her head then. Of all the promises she'd made to Bickslow, that was one she would never be able to keep.

"Promise me you'll at least try," he said then, without even having to hear Lucy say no.

And after a long moment of just staring back at Bickslow with tears in both their eyes, she knew she had to promise that. Lucy knew she'd have to try and be happy one day. She'd have to try and have a life outside of the one she had with Bickslow, no matter how long it would take. She had to try for Bickslow, because she knew it was hurting him just as much as it was hurting her, if not more.

She could at least try. She felt like she owed that to Bickslow, especially with what she was lying about, even if he'd never know it. So finally, with a slight nod, she whispered, "I promise."

Just hearing Lucy say she'd promise to try was enough to make Bickslow smile dejectedly once again. She never went back on her promises, and it was part of the reason he'd made her promise him long ago that if he were to ever break her heart again, that she'd leave.

Of course, back then, he'd had no intentions of leaving her, but he really had no choice now. It was for her happiness, after all. A broken heart can be mended, and Bickslow knew that first hand. He'd already broken Lucy's heart, so he had to believe that her heart could be mended once again. Someone better than him would come along and help with that.

So then, as he let go of her hands again, he reached into the inside pocket of his cloak and pulled out a book. It was the same book that had had him sitting on his living room floor as a complete mess once upon a time. "I want you to have this," he said, holding the book out to her. When she took it hesitantly and looked down at the cover in confusion, Bickslow didn't give her a chance to ask before he continued, "It was my mother's favourite book, and it was one of the few things I took with me when I left after my parents died."

"Bicks… I-I… I can't…" She tried to hand the book back to him, but he just pushed it back with a shake of his head. There was no way Lucy could take that, not when it was one of the few things he had left to remind him of his parents. It suddenly made sense as to why he'd been so engrossed in the book that one time.

But it was unfair that she should have it. She didn't deserve it.

"No, please. I remember the day you came over and you pointed that book out and said it was one of your favourites, and I really wish you'd had a chance to meet my parents. They would have adored you just as much as I do, and you would have gotten along with my mum so well, because you remind me so much of her."

Just hearing Bickslow talk about his parents had the tears rolling down her cheeks again. He almost never talked about them or his family, not unless Lucy asked about them, which was rare because she knew he didn't like to talk about them. But now, he was openly talking about them, and somehow, it made Lucy proud.

It made her proud that he was talking about them, even though it hurt like hell because she'd always wished she'd been able to meet them, just like she wished Bickslow had been able to meet her own parents.

And as Lucy slowly pulled the book in to her chest, hugging it, Bickslow could feel the pain in his chest get so much worse. He'd drawn it out longer than he had to, and it was time to go. It was time to move on, so he could let Lucy move on.

Lifting a hand, he placed his palm against her cheek and brushed the tears away with his thumb again, and ignored his own that were pricking his eyes yet again. It was so damn hard, and it hurt so damn much. But reminding himself that it would all be worth it one day, he gathered the courage to say the last words he ever would to the only woman he was ever going to love.

"Lucy, I love you more than you'll ever know, and I'm never going to stop loving you," he said, choking on the words when all of it became too much. But, he had to go on. He had to press on, through the pain, tears, and heartache. "I'll love you until the day I die, and there's not going to be a single day that passes where I don't think of you and hope that you're happy and living the life you deserve, because all I've ever wanted for you is to be happy. Nothing is ever going to change that. But even though this is the hardest thing I'm ever going to have to do, I'll be able to smile again one day. I'll be able to smile because I got to spend a year of my life with you, and I'll always remember it as the best year of my life, and it would all be because of you." He took a shaky breath. "So, Lucy, more than anything, I hope you get the life you deserve, because if you do, it would make me happy. Even when I'm gone and probably a thousand miles away from you, you'll still be the reason for my own happiness. You need to remember that I'm doing this for you, Lucy. I'm giving you the push you need to go and live that life you deserve, and I need to believe that I'm doing the right thing. I need to believe that leaving is the best thing for you," he said quietly, not even trying to hold back the desperation in his voice.

"I-I'm going t-to miss y-you, B-Bicks…" she whispered, lifting her eyes as he slowly rose to his feet. And she really would miss him. She knew it was over, and that the next few moments would be the very last they ever shared together, no matter how painful they were.

There wasn't going to be a single day where she didn't miss Bickslow. She knew that.

But, she also knew there was nothing she could do about that.

"I know you are," he murmured. And then, after a long moment of silence, he sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. He needed to feel her in his arms one last time. "I love you, Lucy," he whispered before pressing a long kiss to her forehead.

She choked on another sob as she turned her head into his chest. "I-I love you too, Bickslow," she murmured.

And then, when he pulled away and stood after a while, Lucy had to stop herself from trying to cling to him. She couldn't do that, because it was over. Somewhere inside of her, she knew she should stop fighting it and stop making it more painful than it already was for either of them.

There wasn't any scenario that existed where Bickslow left her apartment and they hadn't broken up. It just wasn't going to happen.

So with a final sad smile as he cupped her face with a hand again, he said softly, "I hope you have a great life, Lucy." And then, just like that, he was turning and heading for the door without so much as a glance over his shoulder. He couldn't do that. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore, just because it hurt too much.

And so as Bickslow and his team slowly headed down Strawberry Street and to wherever their adventures took them, Lucy once again curled up on her bed and stared out at the now setting sun through her window.

In such a short amount of time, she'd had almost everything taken from her.

The guild, Aquarius, her team, her friends, her baby, and now Bickslow.

And for the first time in a very long while, Lucy truly felt alone.