"I'm pregnant!"
Bickslow stared wide-eyed, then finally blinked, then he looked to the blonde beside him who seemed to be as stunned as he was, then looked back to Levy and Gajeel opposite them. "Huh?"
Excitedly, Levy continued, "Gajeel and I are having a baby!"
Just like that, Lucy was quickly shooting up from where she sat and rushing around the table to pull the Script mage into a tight hug, and squealing quickly ensued. "Oh, that's amazing!" Lucy squealed. "This is great news, Levy! I'm so excited for you!"
Taking that as his cue to actually say something, Bickslow managed to pull himself out of his stupor long enough to raise his glass to Gajeel. "Congrats, man," he said quietly. "I'm happy for you both."
…But he wasn't. Well, he was, but not really. Bickslow knew he should have been as excited as Lucy was for Gajeel and Levy, but he just couldn't bring himself to be. They'd only gotten back from Crocus that same night and were stopping by the guild for a little while before heading home, but never once had Bickslow expected that within twenty minutes of walking into the guild and sitting down with Gajeel and Levy and greeting everyone quickly, that two of their bests friends would be telling them they were having a baby. That was really the last thing he expected to be hearing, and for a moment, he'd thought that he was just exhausted from the trip back to Magnolia and he hadn't actually heard Levy correctly.
Deep down, Bickslow was happy for them though. Everyone they were friends with seemed to be getting to the stage in their lives where they were ready to start settling down, or were at least getting there, now that the guild was back and everything was returning to the way things had always been. Bickslow didn't mind it though, because that was where he and Lucy were at too – they were getting their lives back on track and sorting everything out, and in Bickslow's case, he was really more than ready to really settle down and actually start a family. He just had to wait for that though, because it really did only seem fair to wait until the actual mother of his future children was ready to go through some form of hell.
But even if he thought he was well and truly ready to have his own children, it still kind of hurt. They didn't talk about Lucy losing the baby before, and that was fine, whether it was a good idea or not. Lucy just needed to move past it and stop blaming herself again, and that was what Bickslow needed her to do too. But… It hurt when he thought about it, and he'd been thinking about it far more than he should.
He still didn't blame Lucy, and he had nothing to forgive her for, but sometimes, he was always just coming back to the thought that if things had been different, they would already have their baby and they'd be a family. That hurt, and it hurt Bickslow more than he knew it should. He didn't need to tell Lucy that though, because even when they weren't talking about it, she knew how he felt. There was just nothing she could do about it, and Bickslow knew that too.
What Bickslow needed was time. Lucy had had time, and now Bickslow needed it too.
But as much as he loved his friends and he was happy for them, he almost wished he wasn't hearing their exciting news, and he felt horrible for it, too. First it had been hard going near Laxus and Mira's son – and it still was, even though Bickslow hadn't seen Laxus since before they'd left for Crocus – because it only seemed to make him long for his own family all the more, and now it was Gajeel and Levy starting theirs, too.
He was just envious of them, really, and that sucked. Bickslow hated himself for it, because it was the one thing he shouldn't be feeling. But he really just couldn't help himself.
"I wanted to tell you before you went to Crocus," Levy explained, the words coming out of her mouth at a million miles per hour – so fast that Bickslow actually had trouble deciphering them, but Lucy seemed to have no problems. "But then Gajeel said to wait because you were going to go see Bickslow's family, which you'll have to tell me all about tomorrow, by the way. And then there was all that with… With…"
With the baby…
Only sensing the quickly growing discomfort as Levy trailed off, with Lucy's smile faltering for just the barest of the seconds, and Bickslow trying his best to seem like he really wasn't bothered by anything at all, Gajeel added, "The kid'll be here around the end of May, by the looks of it." Part of Gajeel's reasoning behind getting Levy to wait was because he was worried about Bickslow. Not so much Lucy, because he knew from Levy that she had coped with her loss over the year, but Bickslow wasn't.
Gajeel knew he was trying to, but he could still remember visiting the Seith mage after he'd talked to Lucy the first time since they'd both returned to Magnolia, and that hadn't been all that long ago – barely two months. That hadn't been long enough for Bickslow to cope like Lucy had, because Gajeel knew for certain that it had hurt the man more than he let on. He could barely even go near Laxus if Jax was in the vicinity, and Gajeel knew why.
That was why Gajeel had wanted to wait. At least a little while, anyway. Half of the guild had found out about their news in the two weeks Bickslow and Lucy had been gone (courtesy of Jet and Droy getting far too excited), so they'd been bound to find out about it pretty quickly anyway. But for a little while, Gajeel just wanted to make his friend's life as painless as possible, because he'd been through a hell of a lot and he deserved to be getting his life back on track with Lucy.
They both did.
"Oh, that's wonderful," Lucy crooned. She had planned on asking Levy to be her maid of honour once their wedding wasn't a good eleven months away, and if she was due before then, then it was perfect. Of course, Lucy wouldn't have had any issues with Levy being a heavily pregnant bridesmaid (assuming she even wanted to be), but it would still be nice if she'd already had her baby.
Plus, Lucy would get to play with an adorably perfect baby (of course Levy's baby was going to be perfect, just because Levy was her best friend) on her wedding day, and before then, even, and that made her incredibly happy. She wasn't having her own just yet, and she didn't really know when she would – though with Bickslow being the way he was, Lucy was sure she'd end up wanting to start trying sooner than she originally planned – have her own, but her friends' children were fine for the time being.
But even if Lucy was truly over the moon for two of her best friends, she knew Bickslow wasn't, even from just a few glances. She knew him, and she knew when something wasn't right, and Lucy had a feeling that she knew exactly what it was. Lucy left it until they were home though, because she was guessing that Bickslow wasn't exactly going to open up to even her without a little bit of reluctance. So when Bickslow didn't say a single word on their way home, Lucy wasn't all that surprised. He'd been mostly quiet in the guild while she had talked to Levy, only saying a few words every now and then before disappearing to the bar to go talk to Erza of all people, and she could deal with that. But once they were home, she wasn't going to. She needed Bickslow to talk to her.
When the apartment door was closed behind them, Lucy didn't wait a single moment before she said, "You've been awfully quiet tonight."
Bickslow shrugged as he went straight down the hall, not bothering to turn on any lights in the living room or kitchen. "Just tired," he answered quietly as he'd already begun pulling off his shirts.
"I understand that, because I'm tired, too," Lucy said slowly, following him down to the bedroom, and it didn't surprise her in the slightest that by the time she was in the room, he'd already managed to change out of the clothes he'd been wearing that day and was in just his sleep pants and closing a drawer. He somehow rivalled Gray when it came to getting clothes off. "But I think there's something else bothering you."
"It's fine. Don't worry about it."
Lucy was then wrapping her arms around his waist until she had her hands clasped behind his back, and her chin was resting on his chest. He couldn't escape her if he tried right then, and he knew it as well as she did. "Pixie," she murmured.
He rolled his eyes. "I hate that name so much."
"I love it," Lucy giggled. "I'm thinking I could go as a pixie for Halloween this year."
"Go ahead."
"I just might. But getting back to what's bothering you…"
"Lucy, it's fi—"
"I know it has something to do with Levy and Gajeel," she interrupted, and the way he avoided her eyes and the soft frown that settled on his lips only seemed to confirm Lucy's suspicions. "Talk to me, Bicks. Tell me what's wrong."
The worst part was that she almost sounded like she was pleading, and even at the best of times Bickslow was unable to resist her. But when she was like that, it was even harder. He told her everything, and she did the same with him. Sometimes, Bickslow actually thought Lucy knew him better than he knew himself, because sometimes, she was able to pick up on tiny little shifts in his behaviour that he wasn't even aware of. She knew when something was wrong, but that was how Bickslow was with Lucy, too.
So of course she would know just what was bothering him. Bickslow knew that she'd picked up on that well and truly before they'd left the guild. That certainly didn't make it any easier for Bickslow though, because he didn't want her knowing how he truly felt. That was the last thing Bickslow wanted. "It really doesn't matter, I promise," he whispered, and he reached behind himself just to unclasp Lucy's hands.
She frowned when he pulled himself free and only walked around to the edge of the bed that had been made and unslept in for the last three weeks, and pulled back the comforter just to climb in and pull it over his head. In all the time she had spent with Bickslow before they'd separated, Lucy had learnt that he rarely did something like that. He rarely needed his space or made it obvious that he did not want to talk about anything, but when he did, it only ever made Lucy worry and stress about just what it was that was eating him up inside.
Right then, it was no different. And even if he just wanted to forget about it and keep it to himself, Lucy didn't want him doing that. They talked about everything and anything, and what Bickslow was doing wasn't talking, and she didn't like that. After getting herself ready for bed – changing, brushing her teeth and her hair that she was seriously considering cutting – since it was late after all, and turning off the bedside lamps, she silently crawled into bed beside Bickslow. She didn't just close her eyes and ignore it like Bickslow wanted her to. Instead, she pulled the sheet and blanket up over her own head until she was cloaked in darkness, and pulled herself over to the warm body on the other side of the bed and curled herself around him as best she could. Considering the fact that he was quite obviously much larger than she was, it proved to be quite awkward, and it had Bickslow cracking an eye open and his brow furrowing slightly as he felt one slender leg wrap around his, her arm drape over his middle, and her forehead coming to rest at the nape of his neck.
"Tell me. Please," Lucy whispered then, and he almost shivered at the feel of her warm breath against the tip of his spine.
But Bickslow remained silent, and only stared blankly at the space in front of him.
Determined to get Bickslow to open up though, Lucy pressed, "It's because they're having a baby, yes?"
Nothing again.
"Are you not happy for them?"
That, Bickslow couldn't let Lucy believe. He couldn't let Gajeel and Levy believe that, either. "I am," he whispered.
"But…"
He sighed, and shook his head lightly against the pillow. "It doesn't matter. Just go to sleep. It's late and we need to start packing up your apartment tomorrow."
And Lucy was almost about to drop it then and just close her eyes, because Bickslow did have a point – they were supposed to start getting her apartment in Magnolia sorted out so she could move – but she knew she wouldn't have been able to sleep if she'd tried, not when she had too much bouncing around in her head right then. "You're not happy for them," she said suddenly, and she was sure she'd felt him tense slightly.
Why couldn't she just leave it? She was only bound to get hurt, and Bickslow didn't want to do that. It was why he didn't talk about the entire babies and kids thing anymore even though he was constantly thinking about it all, because he knew that it hurt her, whether she let it show or not. "Lucy, please, jus—"
"You're happy for them because they're our friends," Lucy continued, cutting Bickslow off quickly and forcing him to open his eyes again and glance over his shoulder. "But you're also not because it's them who are having a baby, and not us."
Sometimes, Lucy was just far too perceptive for her own good, and ordinarily, it was one of the things he liked the most about her. But right then, it wasn't, because he could hear the hurt in her voice, and that was exactly why he hadn't wanted her to know. It didn't matter how she would have found out, because the outcome still ended up being the same: Lucy would get hurt.
He knew her, and he knew that she wasn't as fine as those who knew about the miscarriage thought. The pain was still there, even if it had been a year since it had happened. She was just coping with it though. Nothing more and nothing less. Bickslow knew that, and he knew that she still blamed herself, even though she had accepted what had happened a long time ago.
But maybe she would always blame herself for what had happened a little bit, and maybe that pain would always be there – getting better, but never quite leaving. That's what Lucy had told him once before, anyway, when they'd actually been openly and willingly discussing everything, because actually talking about it all had been one of the things they had needed to do once they'd gotten back together. The conversation had hurt like hell for both of them, and many, many tears had been shed, but it had been good for them, too. She had said that she was still coping, and coming back and seeing him again had been a big part of why all of what she'd felt the year before was coming back to the surface again. She had admitted that it still hurt, but she'd also accepted that it was probably always going to hurt.
Bickslow had accepted that too, and they were both dealing with it the best way they knew how. They were just trying to move on from it, because neither liked the feeling of letting it take over their lives. But for Bickslow, it was hard to do that, even though it was what he needed to do. He needed to do that for Lucy, because her pain was far more important than his, and when he was being a jealous brat for no real reason, he needed to deal with it on his own and keep Lucy out of it.
But she already knew too much, and Bickslow didn't really know what else to do. She knew that he wasn't solely happy for two of their best friends, and that was enough. "Like I said," Bickslow began as he turned his head back to rest comfortably on the pillow. "It doesn't matter. I'm fine. Please, just don't worry about it anymore."
Lucy sighed and pulled herself up so she could lean forward and rest her chin on his shoulder. "But it does matter," she insisted quietly, and as she quickly pushed the blanket back so it wasn't over their heads and she could actually breathe again, she whispered, "It's okay to be a little jealous, you know."
"No, it's not."
She smiled softly, and gripped his shoulder to roll him onto his back so she didn't feel like she was talking to a somewhat responsive brick wall. Lucy knew that Bickslow didn't want to talk, and she knew that quite well, but Bickslow needed to understand that he could still talk to her, even about how he was feeling then.
It hadn't taken Lucy much to know that her darling Seith mage was just a little jealous – or envious, really. She'd almost expected as much, once she had seen how he'd changed after hearing about Gajeel and Levy, but knowing that it really was about Bickslow being almost conflicted in regards to how he felt for them, Lucy knew for sure that it was what she thought.
It wasn't all bad though. Bickslow obviously thought it was far worse than she did, and Lucy didn't quite understand it. She wanted to though, just like she wanted to make Bickslow see that it wasn't the end of the world to be a little jealous, because in a way, she understood that and she felt the same.
"I think in your case, it's okay to feel that way," Lucy whispered, and even in the darkness of the room with the only light coming in through the open curtains, she could see just how conflicted he was.
"I really don't see how," Bickslow mumbled. "I shouldn't feel like that at all. I should just be happy for them, because you know, it's great that they are having a baby and they'll honestly be great parents…"
"But…"
"But…" That was the part Bickslow hated. There was more to it, because he was being a jealous brat and Lucy knew it. He didn't really know how to put how he was feeling into words though. Simply put, he was happy for them, but also not, but that just wasn't really enough. It didn't help that he just didn't want to talk about it either. So instead, he only groaned and let out an exasperated sigh as he reached behind his head for one of the pillows, and brought it down over his face to whine into it like the child he was at heart. "I just really want one."
Lucy laughed quietly as she sat up slightly just to pull the pillow away and tucked it back against the headboard. She'd honestly expected that to be what it was about, knowing that he was a bit envious, but she hadn't expected him to be so adorable. "I know you do, Bicks." Oh, did she know just how badly Bickslow wanted a baby. Lying down on her side again, she dropped her head to rest on the pillow just next to Bickslow's. "And you'll have one eventually. Or maybe two, or even three since twins seem to run in your family. But one day, it'll be us telling everyone else that we're having a baby."
"I know that, and that day really can't come fast enough, but I just feel so stupid because of all of this. Everything just sucks, and I feel bad for it too, but I don't know how to stop thinking about everything."
"I'm sor—"
"You really need to stop apologising for everything, Lucy," he said softly as he quickly turned his head to look to her. She always did that, even though nothing was her fault. She was almost a compulsive apologiser, and Bickslow felt like he was the one that needed to be apologising. He was the one that was making things worse for not only himself right then, but for Lucy too, which was what he'd wanted to avoid. But now…
Now, Bickslow knew it was too late for that, and deep down he seemed to know that it always would've ended up like that. He couldn't keep anything from her for long, so Lucy was bound to figure out how he felt eventually, and nothing would have changed by the time she did find out. He would still be happy but also not, and he'd still be envious of them and hate himself for it.
So maybe it was all for the best that they were talking about it right then, because at least that way, it would be out there and they wouldn't have to talk about it again. They could just put it behind them and continue trying to move on with their lives and find a way to make the pain as bearable and painless as possible.
Turning onto his side again, he gently pulled Lucy to him and wrapped his arms around her while wedging his knee between her legs to rest on the mattress. "You really don't have anything to apologise for."
"But I feel like I do sometimes," she said sadly. "I know how much you care about all of it and how much you want to start our family, and I almost wish that I could give you all of that. I know how happy you would be, if we were a family and we had a baby right now. And just imagining what our life would be like right now if we were actually a family only makes me think about how great of a dad you'd be."
"You think I'll be a good dad?"
Lucy nodded. "Yup!" She had hard proof that Bickslow would be a good dad, because she'd just watched him spend nearly three weeks with three of the most amazing children on the planet. But there was a chance she was a little biased. "The very best."
Bickslow doubted himself, because he really didn't have any experience with kids apart from a little bit of time spent with Asuka whenever the Raijinshuu got roped into babysitting her, and from his niece and nephews. But the one person who needed to believe that he'd be a good parent to their child when it was their turn to be parents did, and it was what Bickslow had needed to hear, and that surprised him a little.
"But…" Lucy continued after a moment, only letting Bickslow have that brief moment of happiness. "You know that I can't right now. I can't give you what you want and that makes me feel miserable sometimes because I just want to make you happy."
"It's okay, Lucy," he whispered. He brought a hand up to rest against her cheek, and he gently traced her cheekbone with his thumb. "I know, but it's fine, I promise. I'm happy."
"You'd be happier if we had a baby though."
"That's true," Bickslow admitted. "But we don't. Not yet, anyway, and that's okay."
Lucy sniffled as she pulled all of her long hair to rest over one shoulder. "Is it, though? Because sometimes I don't think it is, and I know I probably shouldn't be thinking that, but I do." Lucy almost felt guilty that she wasn't ready to have a baby yet, but deep down, she knew that it was stupid. Just like she knew that right then at that exact moment in time was really not the right time for them to be having a baby. They still had some things to sort out, like moving, specifically, and then there was the issue of Lucy just not wanting to have a baby just yet. Not like Bickslow did, anyway.
And it really did hurt Lucy sometimes when she did think about just how happy Bickslow would be if things were different. He was happy, she knew that, but at the same time, he wasn't. There was something missing that Bickslow needed to be truly happy, and they both knew exactly what it was.
But Bickslow knew all of it. He knew Lucy wasn't ready and that she didn't want a baby yet, and that was fine. It was okay, and he was truly okay with it. Deep down, Bickslow seemed to realise that he wasn't ready yet either, not completely, anyway. He wanted a baby more than anything, and he'd truly be over the fucking moon, but he knew it was for the best that they didn't have their family just yet. Neither were quite ready though, and they didn't need to talk about that to know that.
"I promise it's okay. You don't need to worry about me or feel guilty or anything like that," Bickslow whispered as he smiled softly. "I know we don't talk about this because it hurts and we're both just trying to move on – or at least, I am – but just this once I want to talk about it all, okay? Please?"
They already were anyway, so Lucy nodded silently.
"You know how I feel. Partly because you're some kind of genius, and partly because we've talked about all of this over the last few weeks and all," Bickslow said. "You know I want a baby. I'm not going to lie about that, because there's no need to. I don't even think you know just how excited I am to have kids with you and start our family, because that's all I think about now. Did I tell you that I started thinking of names, too? Because I did, and Layla was one of them because of your mother. It's a really great name and I thought that if we ever have a daughter, it would be a nice name to consider."
She smiled. "I thought the same, actually. But we obviously can't use that now, even if we do ever have a daughter."
"I know," Bickslow chuckled. "But… As much as a very big part of me wishes that we did have a kid right now, I'm also kinda glad we don't, because I really don't think I'm even ready for one just yet, and I know you aren't either."
"So my boyfriend—"
"Fiancé," Bickslow corrected.
Lucy rolled her eyes and continued, "So my fiancé, who has baby fever, really, really wants a baby, but also doesn't at the same time."
"Pretty much."
"You're an odd one, Pixie."
"But I'm your odd one."
She giggled as their noses brushed against one another. Yeah, Bickslow was her odd one and she loved that. Lucy was glad that was how Bickslow felt though, because in a way, that was how she felt, too. She did want to have a baby, and she was excited to start their family, though not as excited as Bickslow was, admittedly. But she really wasn't ready to just yet, and she was glad that Bickslow wasn't either. It made her feel less guilty about wanting to wait, even though that was what was best for them, too. It was just far too early for them to actually be starting their family. They'd been back together for barely over a month, not even six weeks. That was just way too soon, and when they'd been together for a year before that, even that had been too soon, but getting pregnant then had never been part of her plan, either.
When they started their family, she wanted to be completely ready – or as ready as she was going to get, anyway. She wanted Bickslow to be ready, too, and she knew why he wasn't completely ready then either. He'd told her once before, just a few weeks earlier, that it was because he felt like he almost missed what things could be like. He missed someone that hadn't had a chance to properly exist, and he missed the idea of what could have been at that exact moment. Lucy didn't blame him, because that was what Lucy had felt for a while after it had happened. She'd lost everyone in such a short time, and she'd missed every single person she'd lost. That included the baby.
And to an extent, she still did. It wasn't as bad as it had been the year before, but it was still there. It was always going to be there though, because it was always going to have her wondering just what things would've been like at that exact moment if things had happened differently. And that, she knew Bickslow thought about, too. He had to be, considering the way he felt, and right then, when they were actually talking about it all, Lucy wanted to know what Bickslow thought.
She wanted to know what he saw, because it wouldn't have been the first time he'd seen and thought about their future family. Sighing contentedly as she laid her head on his chest and relaxed with the steady pace of his heartbeat, Lucy wondered aloud, "What do you think we'd be doing at this exact moment if I hadn't… you know?"
If you hadn't lost the baby. Well, the truth was that Bickslow had thought about that. A lot more than he should have, anyway. "Well…" he began with his own thoughtful sigh. "I'm going to assume you would've told me you were pregnant once I was awake again."
"I'd wanted to wait for the perfect moment, but I would have told you then."
"So by now she'd be a few months old?"
Lucy hummed in thought for a moment before answering, "Maybe about five or six, I think." Then, looking up with a warm smile when she realised just what he'd said, Lucy asked, "And why a she?"
Bickslow shrugged, but couldn't keep the smile from his face. "I dunno. I hope we have a girl one day though, and I feel like she would have been one." Or maybe it would have been a boy if things had happened differently, which still would have been great, but it didn't really matter all that much anyway. "But I think we would be doing this."
"What? Cuddling?" Lucy giggled.
"Yup. 'Cause I'm pretty sure we'd be a little tired, having a baby and all, and I don't think being in bed by ten would be that unreasonable… Which is what we're doing right now and we don't even have a kid to be running around after. I'm feeling just a little old right now."
"Oh, shush, you. You're only twenty-four."
"And you only just turned twenty a few months ago!" Bickslow laughed. His fingers gently dug into her side as he sat up and they traced up to under her ribs until she was a giggling, squirming mess beneath him, and tangling herself and Bickslow up in the sheets all the more. "Do you remember when I used to sleep like all morning when we first started dating?"
Lucy continued to laugh as she pushed his hands away to get some sort of reprieve, and said, "Yeah, because you were lazy and you're still lazy."
"Incredibly. But I just really happen to prefer the night hours, mm-kay? Mornings are just so bland and boring."
"Remind me not to wake you up in the morning when I'm horny then," she giggled.
"Is it too late to take back what I just said? I love mornings. Earlier I'm up, the better. Five o'clock in the morning is my favourite ti—"
She rolled her eyes and pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. "Too late, Pixie."
"Damn," he mumbled.
"But you know that when we do eventually have a baby," Lucy began slowly. She dropped her head to rest on the pillow in front of Bickslow, and smiled softly as she continued, "You're not going to be able to sleep all day. You're not going to be able to sleep all night, either."
He sighed heavily, and pulled her close to his chest again as he mumbled, "Yeah, I know. That might be part of why I'm a little glad we don't have a baby yet. I will gladly get up in the middle of the night – or at least I won't complain about it too much – for midnight feedings and everything else, but right now, I don't want do that. At all."
"You like your sleep too much, huh?"
"Definitely. And do you know what I really want to do right now?"
"I'm hoping you're going to say sleep," Lucy mumbled.
He grinned, and leant forward to quickly press their lips together. "Sleep," Bickslow repeated. "And for a looong time because I am completely exhausted right now."
Lucy knew that feeling all too well, and she was already closing her eyes as Bickslow spoke. Their day had been incredibly long with all the travelling they'd done to get back from Crocus, and it felt far too nice to be back at home.
The next morning began the first of many days where they would pack up all of Lucy's things that she would be taking with her to Bickslow's. When they finally got there and stood in her studio apartment with Bickslow yawning and drinking his take-away coffee from the café they'd had breakfast at, Lucy found herself just wondering where to begin.
She'd lived there for so many years, but never once had she had to actively sort through every single item she owned and kept there, just to decide what to keep and what to donate or throw out. It almost made her nervous, but she was excited, too. Everything was getting sorted out and she was getting her life back on the track it belonged on.
But there were just so many things to go through and Lucy really didn't know where to begin. That was really the only thing that was daunting, but she put that aside. Looking around at the place she'd called home for so long – the place that had barely changed in the years she'd been living there, Lucy tried to decide on just where to start. The bookcases next to her that were overflowing with tomes and journals seemed like a good place, just because the boxes filled with her books would undoubtedly be the easiest to fill but would also be the heaviest. The good thing though, was that neither of them would be having to carry them. The babies could do that and their backs would survive.
Lucy picked up one of the flattened boxes that had been sitting just inside her apartment since before they'd left for Crocus and turned to Bickslow. The man was practically asleep on his feet. Lucy had wanted to let him sleep for a while longer just because she really did know how much he liked his sleep-ins, and they had both needed their sleep, but it was Bickslow who had made of point of making sure they were up at a reasonable time that morning. Even if he was on the verge of actually passing out on the floor, they had things to do and Lucy wasn't going to let him off that easy now. "Did you want to start with the books?" Lucy asked.
He was pulled out of his daze by her words. "Books?" he repeated. Bickslow honestly didn't even care where they started. All that mattered to him was that they got everything sorted out and packed up so everything was done. As soon as all of that was done, she would be free to officially move in. If she wanted to start with the books, then that was just fine. He nodded and combed his fingers through his still dishevelled hair that he had just been too lazy and tired to even think about sorting out. "Sounds good."
Except Bickslow really wasn't as useful as he'd hoped. He wasn't close to being a functional and awake human being yet, just because it was still early by his standards, and it was mid-morning by then. While Lucy neatly stacked her favourites, the ones that she wanted to keep regardless of knowing if Bickslow had his own copies sitting on his own bookshelves and the ones that she sure as hell knew Bickslow didn't own in the box, the Seith mage only stood in front of the other end of the shelf, slowly sipping away on his coffee that he was quickly running out of and reading the titles of the books in front of him.
There were so many he'd never heard of or seen in amongst some he'd read or at the very least seen in his own ginormous collection. Romance, mystery, science fiction, crime; she had books from every possible genre, and then some. But Bickslow honestly didn't care about any of those. He still wasn't a very big reader, though he had been slowly working his way through his collection ever since Lucy had got him interested in literature long before they'd broken up, and he was still doing so now that he was back. There was just one book in particular that caught his attention though, one that he hadn't seen in an incredibly long time.
He put the styrofoam cup down and carefully reached for the slightly dusty book that had been sitting on the edge. A hand swiped over the worn dark green cover with the golden swirls around the title and on the corners of the leather bound tome, and he smiled down at it warmly before gently opening the front cover to look down at the inscription on the first page in the writing that was his own.
I want you to get a happy ending like all the best stories have; I want you to get the happy ending you deserve.
I'll always love you, Lucy. Remember that.
Remember that I did all of this so you could have a chance at getting that happy ending.
Bickslow could remember writing those words and telling himself a million times over that all of it would all be for the best. He wouldn't have been able to give her what she wanted and deserved unless he let her go.
But none of that mattered anymore, because no matter what, Bickslow would make sure that he gave her the happy ending that she deserved. He wasn't going to let himself die until he knew that Lucy had that happy ending. Hell, he'd probably get to a point of being so annoyingly alive that Lucy would probably kill him with her own two hands, and that would probably be her happy ending. As her future husband, Bickslow had already come to the conclusion that it was his job to annoy her to death (or to his own death, as it were).
He looked to Lucy beside him before looking back down to the novel in his hands to slowly flick through the yellowed pages. "I didn't think you'd still have this," he whispered.
Lucy had an eyebrow raised until she saw what was in his hands. She carefully stacked the books in her own hands in the box that was next to her, then gently pried the book from his hands. That one was most definitely going with her to Bickslow's. "Of course I would," Lucy answered. Flipping back to the first page, her fingers lightly ran over the paper that had only been stained by a countless number of tears from all the times she'd stared at it after leaving. "You gave it to me. Why wouldn't I have kept it?"
Bickslow shrugged. "I dunno. Because I guess you were supposed to be getting over me," he mumbled.
"Bicks, like hell I was ever going to be able to get over you. You should've known that."
"I know, but… But I shouldn't have given you reminders. That's just… cruel."
Lucy sighed as she tucked the book into a space down the side of the box, then turned back to wrap her arms around Bickslow's waist from the side. "I like reminders though," she whispered. When he looked back down to her, Lucy only smiled, because sometimes a smile was all Bickslow needed to be reminded that everything was okay and he didn't need to worry. "Besides, you know this is one of my favourite books. Try and guess how many times I've read it since then though."
He grimaced. Surely it couldn't have been more than once. Hell, if it had been reversed, Bickslow probably would have left it sitting on a shelf and let it collect dust in his apartment. "Once? Twice?"
"Nope." Lucy grinned over her shoulder while pulling away and sauntering over to her dresser by her bed. "Try about forty or fifty times at least." That story was her way of comforting herself when she got homesick, and that had surprisingly been more often than she'd have liked. In the near year they'd been apart and she'd been in Crocus, Lucy had only ended up reading a few different books, because she would always come back to the one that was the most special to her.
"You're… I don't even think I can call you crazy anymore."
"No?"
Bickslow shook his head as he reached for his coffee again. "Nah. I think you're just you," he smirked. "You're just Cosplayer." Of course, that still meant she was crazy, but she was more than that. She was a million things at once, but all of that just made her exactly who she was.
She was just Lucy. Or… Cosplayer. But they were one in the same.
"Aw, Pixie. Thank you," she giggled. Then, as she opened up one of her drawers, she asked, "Now, do you promise not to judge me too harshly if I show you something?"
"That depends on what you show me."
She pulled out a grey shirt and closed the drawer with her hip, then tossed the shirt to Bickslow. He gave her a curious glance before he put his coffee down again to hold the shirt up in front of him, and his jaw almost dropped when he saw the faded pink Fairy Tail logo on the heather grey shirt. Bickslow hadn't seen that particular item of clothing in what felt like a century, even though it had only been a year. The problem, though, was that it looked a whole lot different to what it had the last time he'd seen it. The hems were fraying, there were tiny holes in the armpits, the fabric was probably see-through, and there were bleach stains at the bottom of it. "Jesus fucking Christ," Bickslow muttered. He brought the shirt to his face to rub his cheek on it and glared at Lucy for a moment. "What did she do to you?!"
"I… I slept in it. A lot. I couldn't sleep without it…" Lucy murmured.
"Are you sure you didn't go to war in it?"
"Yes."
Bickslow almost felt offended. He'd never had any problems with Lucy stealing his shirt (or anything else that was his once she'd started staying over a lot and had ended up in any of her drawers in his apartment), and he'd honestly quite enjoyed knowing that it was her favourite thing to sleep in. But she had destroyed it in the year they'd been separated.
How? Bickslow had absolutely no idea, even though he found the fact that she hadn't been able to sleep without it incredibly endearing. But she'd destroyed his favourite shirt that he'd quite literally never worn in his entire life and had let her steal.
His poor, poor shirt. It was just a little disappointing to Bickslow, now knowing that she'd kept it all that time and it had made the trip to Crocus with her, that it wouldn't be making the trip to what would be their apartment. The shirt was dead, because she'd killed it. Sighing, Bickslow held it up in front of him to inspect it once again and sorrowfully said, "I think you need to retire this shirt now though."
"What? No!" Lucy quickly pulled it from his hands and held it to her chest to hug it tightly. "Never!" She wasn't a hoarder in the slightest, but she was going to keep the shirt. Even if it stayed in the top of a closet and she only saw it when she was cleaning, she was keeping it.
"Lucy, it's old and ratty and falling apart. I'm a little offended that you destroyed a perfectly good shirt, but it's dead. You killed it."
"It still has some life left in it."
Bickslow rolled his eyes. "I'll let you steal another one of my shirts," he suggested. Looking down to himself to see what shirt he'd actually put on that morning, he pinched at the fabric and added, "I'll even let you steal this one if you want it."
"Nope. I'm keeping this one," Lucy insisted. She just couldn't bear to part with it, no matter how old and thin it was getting. And just to further her point, she quickly went over to the flattened boxes over by her door and hastily made one up. Grabbing a marker, she wrote on the side in big, bold letters: CLOTHES THAT LUCY IS MOST DEFINITELY KEEPING. She even underlined it all multiple times before folding up the shirt and placing it at the bottom. "But…" She looked back to Bickslow once she'd returned to her bookcase and nibbled on her bottom lip before flashing him with an innocent smile. "I think I'll steal the shirt you're in now, anyway." She liked the pattern on it.
Packing up Lucy's apartment went far quicker than either of them expected. Lucy's team had come to help for a few of the days, but that had just been their way of saying goodbye to the place they'd each spent a lot of their time in over the years. Natsu and Happy had even gone so far as whining over the fact that they wouldn't be able to sleep in Lucy's bed anymore, but since she wouldn't be needing the mattress, she'd ended up letting them take it. Most of the furniture she owned was actually staying in the apartment anyway, just because she wasn't needing it anymore, but even just getting a mattress seemed to cheer Happy and Natsu up.
It wasn't even like Lucy was leaving Magnolia. She was just moving houses, but the two were treating it like they'd never see her again. Bickslow found that just a little entertaining though.
Over the week, they'd managed to pack up and organise everything. Every shelf had been stripped, cupboard and drawer emptied, and every little thing that had made the studio apartment so distinctly hers had been put in one of the dozens of boxes that were now sitting in Bickslow's apartment just waiting to be unpacked and given a home.
When the last day came and there were just a few more things to be packed up, mostly just stray things like pillows or throw blankets and odd little knick-knacks, it was just Bickslow and Lucy in the apartment. Her landlady wouldn't be coming until five to get the keys and have Lucy sign the last of the paperwork, so all they had to do was wait.
With the last of the boxes stacked up by the door and waiting to be taken to what was Lucy's new home, Lucy silently and gently laid herself down on top of Bickslow on the salmon pink lounge, and made herself comfortable between the backrest and his side. She was tired, and she knew Bickslow was, too. They'd been staying there for the last week just so they wouldn't be making as many trips to and from his apartment, and Bickslow had never liked Lucy's mattress. Maybe it was just because he was used to his own, but whenever he'd ever stayed at Lucy's, he'd never slept all that well. So when Natsu and Happy had taken the mattress just that morning, he'd been happier than he should have been.
Still though. As much as Bickslow would have loved to just go home and crash on his own bed, there was still half an hour to go before Lucy's landlady would be there, so he would have to wait, and he would do so comfortably on the lounge. Well, somewhat comfortably. He was way too tall for that thing, but he was comfortable. That was mostly because of Lucy, though.
As they laid there in silence, neither needing to talk to make the situation any more comfortable, Bickslow's thoughts only drifted back to something that had happened so long ago that it felt almost like it had been a lifetime, just because so much had happened since that moment. Softly, with a small smile on his lips as he stared up at the ceiling, he asked, "Do you remember our third date?"
She lifted her head from where it was on his shoulder to rest her chin in her palm instead. "Our third date?" she whispered. "Gosh, that was so long ago. That was two years ago now."
"It was. But look where we are now."
They had come such a long way in those two years. Not just as a couple, but as their own people, too. Bickslow had gone from being the egotistical jackass with a bit of a soft side who didn't date and really didn't want to settle down or do anything, to wanting nothing more than their own baby to cherish and adore, while Lucy had gone from being the blushing virgin with a fierce kick whose first kiss had been to that same moronic Seith mage, to... Well, she wasn't a blushing virgin anymore by a long shot, but she still had a fierce kick. They'd each grown into better versions of themselves, and it had all been because of each other. They'd brought the best out in each other and they wouldn't even feel like they were themselves unless they had each other. They were each a half, and they completed each other. That's the way things had always been, and that was the way that things would always be.
But even with that year apart from each other, they'd still grown. They'd learned how to cope without each other. That need for each other was still there, but they'd learnt how to survive knowing that their best friend wasn't going to be there at the end of each day. They'd needed to do that to get through that year, and so coming back and getting back together, not everything was exactly as it had been before.
They'd each changed in that year, and even though they were back where they belonged – with each other – they weren't the same people anymore, and they each respected that. They respected that things had changed, but for the better. They'd grown and they'd each become their own, so even when they were together, that wasn't all they were. At the end of the day, despite feeling whole again and feeling like nothing could get them down when they were with each other, they were still separate people. They weren't just one person – they were two that completed each other while remaining their own person.
And somehow, even though neither really liked admitting it, being apart had been good for them. So incredibly painful, but somehow, their relationship had grown, too.
In just two short years, everything had changed, but Lucy couldn't see her life having ended up any differently. "We've come a long way, Bicks," she whispered, and she matched Bickslow's smile with her own, just because she knew they were thinking the exact same thing. "And yet we still ended up lying on this lounge together."
"It seems quite fitting that my last time here ends exactly how my first time coming here did." It seemed almost complete that way to Bickslow. The first time he'd ever been to Lucy's apartment, just a little over two years earlier, only ended with them falling asleep together on that same lounge and in the exact same position they were in right then. He liked that though. He liked that a lot. And so did Lucy. "But," Bickslow added as she laid her head back down on his shoulder. "I think our third date was actually my favourite."
"Oh? It wasn't our second when we went to the museum?" she teased.
"No, but it is right up there in my top five," he chuckled, and Lucy could hear the sarcasm dripping in his voice. "But I really did like our third, because it was just so simple, and we'd only been dating for what, a few weeks? I just… I liked that it was so easy, you know?"
Lucy smiled before tilting her head to lightly kiss his cheek. "Maybe we should have vanilla cake and wine for dinner tonight then?"
"And this is why I love you, because you come up with the best ideas in the entire world."
"It's a talent, I swear," she giggled.
When there was a knock on the door a little later though, Lucy almost wished that she'd had a bit more time. She knew it was a silly thought, but as she got up from the lounge and slowly made her way over to it, she found herself just a little sad. That apartment had been her home ever since she'd moved to Magnolia when she was still seventeen and it had been the place where so many of her dearest memories had been born.
She just almost felt as if she wasn't ready to let them all go and close the door to them, even though that wasn't what she was doing. But in a way, that's what it felt like to Lucy. She was leaving her apartment to go live with Bickslow, finally, and she was so excited to be doing that, but…
Her apartment had always been special to her, even though it was just a building.
And Bickslow had told her time and time again that she didn't have to move into his apartment if she didn't want to let go of her own; they could move into hers if she wanted to. She hadn't wanted to do that though. She wanted to be moving in with Bickslow and into his apartment. Aside from it being much larger than her own, she'd spent more time there that it had become more of a home than her own.
But officially letting go of her own was harder than she cared to admit, and as she looked down to the dotted line on the paperwork where her signature needed to be, she found herself hesitating. It shouldn't have been so hard, yet it was. For some reason, making it all official just made it feel like she was taking a really big step. She wasn't though, not really.
Not much was changing. The only difference was that her name would appear next to Bickslow's on his own paperwork. It wasn't a big deal in the slightest, even though it was a step.
But it was a step forward, and it was a step she was ready to take. And that was what was going through Lucy's head when she finally lowered to the pen to the page and quickly signed her name.
It was a step forward, and it was one of the last on what had been a very long staircase. But just because it had been long, it didn't mean she hadn't enjoyed it, because she'd enjoyed each and every single step she'd taken over the last two years.
She watched as Bickslow actually reluctantly handed the landlady his own key to Lucy's now old apartment, and it brought a smile to her face. He'd mostly hated her place, and he'd made that obvious on multiple occasions, but he'd still liked it deep down, just because there was so much of her there. But now, all of that would be in his – their – apartment, and that was what Bickslow loved.
And now, all that was left was for Lucy to hand over her own key – the one that was slightly worn from all the years she'd had it and never once had it replaced. But that, she was finding she could do easily. She wasn't so nervous anymore, not that she really understood why she'd been so at all. She was excited. So quickly, she was picking up her set of keys and fumbling for the one she needed, and was pulling it from the hook and handing it to the landlady.
And so when it came to leave (after a hug from the older woman who was still wearing Lucy's old clothes, something that Bickslow found absolutely horrifying), Lucy was still smiling. Aside from being excited to get drunk with her fiancé and eat half a cake to herself, she was pretty glad to look behind her and see that wooden door with the odd scorch mark on it closed and locked up tight.
Because even when she was closing one door, it only meant she was opening another. All of her memories would still be there and she would always remember and cherish them, but she was excited about getting to make more, and she would get to do all of that with Bickslow.