Arthur spent the next two weeks during the day in Blackwater, doing the reconnaissance with Dutch and some of the gang members as he promised. But every night, he came back to camp and slept with me in our tent.
It took little convincing to trade Arthur's cot for someone's bedroll. In fact, Arthur had to step in to keep it from becoming physical between Uncle and the Reverend. But now, at least, we had two bedrolls next to each other.
It made me quite homesick. I longed to sleep in my queen sized bed again, with its thick mattress, lush blankets and fluffy pillows. I imagined sleeping in it with Arthur. Spending lazy Sundays in bed, with the windows open. Listening to the bustle of the big city around us, while safely cocooned inside together. What bliss it would be.
It troubled me more than a little, that every time I thought of home now, I pictured Arthur there as well. But.. We would cross that bridge when we came to it. For all I knew, I'd be stuck here for years. And for the very first time since I came here, that outlook wasn't all too bad. I wasn't exactly hoping for it, but I wasn't dreading it either.
It was in the second week of their mission, and Arthur came back for the night as he'd done every night. I had just finished my kitchen duties, and handed him the plate I had saved for him. He bent down to kiss me, while he grabbed it.
"So, my little HellCat.. Made anyone cry today?" He said, a playful smile on his face.
I shoved his shoulder. "I am only mean to you, you know that"
Uncle, who just passed us, snorted.
"I am!" I said indignantly.
"Oh sure! You're as sweet as a basket of kittens. Unless someone looks at you wrong. Someone stands in the wrong place…" Uncle started ticking off the reasons on his fingers.
"Hey, leave the lady alone, would ya. She keeps y'all fed…" Arthur said playfully, but positioned himself in between me and Uncle all the same.
A warm glow flooded me. His casual protectiveness laid on me like a warm blanket.
Uncle looked from me to him, and made a gagging noise. "Y'all are even more disgusting than Karen and Sean!" Then he stalked off.
Arthur turned back to me, a smile on his face. "That old man don't know what's good for him" he said with mock annoyance. "It's good that you can keep 'em all in line like you do."
He grabbed a spoon from the kitchen cart and started shoving food in his mouth. When he took his first bite, he let out a groan. "This is delicious, Darlin'. You know how to keep a man coming back for more. Don't ya." He gave me a wink.
A sly smile crept across my face: "You know… I have more ways than one way to keep a man coming back for more." I sauntered over to him, and played with a button on his shirt.
He let out a low growl. "I know that, sweetheart. But like I said before, I ain't touching you until you can lift up a pot again without flinchin'."
"Arthur…" I whined.. Yes, actually whined. It was so hard sleeping next to him every night, nestled in the crook of his arm and him stoically refusing to touch me any lower than the collar of one of his old shirts I used for sleeping. Even when I had tried so hard to make him forget that unilateral decision. So I spent most of the last few nights squirming restlessly, hardly being able to sleep.
He barked out a laugh. "Darlin', as flatterin' to a man's ego as this may be.. I ain't goin' to be the one that hurts you." He kept shoving food into his mouth, seeming completely unaffected.
I refused to go as far as beg. I did have some pride left in me. Somewhere.
It took a lot of willpower, but I managed to get my head on straight for a few moments and change the subject. "So, how was your day today? Made any progress?"
His face turned serious, and he sighed deeply. He finished the plate in one more big bite, and chewed contemplatively. Staring over my head, into the distance.
He took a while before he answered: "It ain't right.. You know.. This plan."
I looked up at him questioningly, quietly urging him to continue.
"There's goin' to be a lot of killin'. Killin' of people who didn't do nothin' to deserve any of that." He kept his voice low. "This ain't like Dutch. This ain't what we stand for."
I took the plate out of his hands, and placed it on the pile of dirty dishes. It was Reverend Swanson's turn to clean today, which meant it would be done very late and very noisily and keep everyone awake way past their bedtime.
I took his hand, and led him to a quiet place by the river. I sat down on a fallen tree trunk and patted the place beside me.
Instead of sitting down, he placed on foot on it, casually leaning his hands on his gunbelt for a moment. Then, he took his packet of cigarettes from his satchel and lit one.
I looked up at him, his form shadowed by the sun going down behind his back. The sky colored purple and red. I wasn't a painter, but if I was.. I would try and immortalize this moment, this image, on canvas.
He sighed. "I just don't understand what has gotten into him lately. We used to live by a code. Our code. It's like he got his head on all backwards.."
"And what code is that?" I asked
"We ain't killers, Cat. Or at least. We didn't used to be."
At my sardonically raised eyebrow, he raked his hands over his face. "I guess you're right. It's stupid. It's just…." He fell silent again.
"It's just what?" I probed.
"'S just that.. We used to kill only rich people. And you ain't innocent if you're rich. That money needs to come from somewhere. That money is earned by hardworkin' people, breakin' their backs to keep them posh people livin' in comfort. And even then, killin' them was a last resort."
"And now? What changed?"
He sighed. "I don't know, Cat. Dutch is just different. A few years ago, he'd never let anyone like the likes of Micah join us. Let alone, listen to him! This is all… A right mess." I could see the anger on his face raising the color of his cheeks.
I stared out over the water. Weighing my next words carefully. "Do you ever think about quitting?"
He let out a harsh laugh. "Me? Goin' straight? Nah, ma'am. That ain't no life for me. I am a bad man. Killed more people than I can count."
"I don't think you are a bad man.."
"No, but that's on account of you hittin' your head so much these past few months, it's a wonder you can think at all at this point." His voice colored by deep sarcasm.
I gave him the finger, which made him laugh. When I moved to drop my hand, he caught it and moved closer to me. Towering over me, I had to crane my neck from my sitting position to be able to look at his face.
"If I didn't know any better, Miss Davis, I'd say you're as rough as any outlaw I've known." His voice low. His hooded eyes fall on my chest. "But I know… I know how soft you really are" He takes a finger from my hand, and gently bites the tip.
An electric current shots through my body and settles right in my core. It takes everything I have to keep a straight face, and not squirm.
"Well now, Mister Morgan, if you aren't planning on acting on that promise I can see on your face.." I tried to pull my hand away, but he kept his hold on it firm. Pressing kisses down the length of my finger.
"I want to, Caterina.. You have no idea what I want to do to you, right now, right here.." The words almost a purr. Another soft bite at the tip.
I feel a flush creeping up my neck, flushing my cheeks. "Arthur…" The name uttered breathlessly. "Please.." My knees clasp together involuntarily.
His eyes caught the movement and he grinned wickedly. "Are you imaginin' it now? How I'll touch you? How I'll kiss and lick you? Everywhere?"
"Arthur… Either take me to our tent right now or I'll…"
"Our tent…" he repeated thoughtfully, still holding my finger to his mouth. "Now, I like that…" He dropped my hand, and bent over to press a kiss to my mouth. I clasped my hand to the back of his neck, trying to force him to deepen the kiss. But he smiled against my lips and straightened again, pulling me up with him.
He hugged me gently to him, his strong arms encircled my waist. "I ain't trying to wind you up, darlin'. I'm sorry.. 'S just that.. When I get to touch you again, I want to do it properly. And not be afraid to hurt you." He kissed my forehead. "But that doesn't mean I don't have to try my damn hardest not to keep imagining you bent over that tree trunk, every goddamned second."
I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat settling down a little. "I hate you.."
His amused grunt vibrated through the side of my face: "I love you too, darlin'." He slid a hand up on my back and softly caressed up and down. "But to return to your question. Even if you were right, and I wasn't a bad man.. I could never abandon my family. I have to be there for them. They gave me everythin' I have."
I sighed, I would let it rest. It wasn't my business anyway. How he'd spent the rest of his life when I left, was totally up to him. The thought stung. The realization that I wouldn't be there for all of it, for all of his life. That I wouldn't get to see him grow old, wouldn't get to see his hair and beard growing gray. I hated that idea. I hated it now when he had to leave for the day, let alone if I had to let him go entirely.
A knot started to form in my stomach. I wanted to take him with me, more than anything I wished I could bring him.
I thought back to my old life. And wondered how it would be to be back. Could I really just go back to being an HR manager. After all this? I had killed two people, and was at least complicit to one more.
I knew the answer. I had known it for a while now. I wouldn't be able to just pick up where I left off. I was permanently changed by this place.
But together, we might be able to carve out a new life for ourselves.
"I wish I could take you with me, when I go back to my time.."I sighed.
He stayed silent for such a long time, I pressed back to look up at him. There was sadness there, in his face.
"I had been thinkin' 'bout that too. But darlin', even if that were possible.. I can't live in a world like that. Where them posh people win. Where everyone is stuck in their webs, in their laws."
"We could try… We would be together." I said hopefully.
He looked at me, eyes softening. "We ain't got to think about that now, darlin'. For now, we are together."
He kissed me, deeply this time, cutting off all further thought.